By Anna Rettberg
Casey Muratori
You have Brexit questions. We have answers.
We know the burning question on every gamer’s mind these days: “How is the Brexit going to affect my favorite games still in development?” Well, fear not, friends, because Anna and I happen to be experts on international affairs and are well-prepared to answer all your Brexit questions. For example, Anna has visited Great Britain not once but twice! That is the kind of boots-on-the-ground reconnaissance you can expect from a savvy multinational corporation like Molly Rocket.
As you can see from the title image, we even participated in a zipline event with the Mayor of London:
Of course, that particular video cut off right before they got him untied and sent us down the zipline, but I’m sure you can fill in the rest with your imagination.
Anyway, let’s get started on those Brexit questions:
What is the “Brexit”?
The “Brexit” is a ceremonial meal that British people eat in place of their normal breakfast service on the day of the biennial Scotsford-on-the-Pines cricket invitational. The name is a straightforward phonetic corruption of the descriptive phrase “breakfast cricket.”
What do British people typically eat during “Brexit”?
Although many people falsely assume the Brexit revolves around tea, this is nothing more than British stereotyping at its worst. No tea is served during Brexit. It was officially banned from the service by Queen Victoria in 1857 after an unusually embarassing spill.
Instead, typical fare includes a number of British favorites such as severely desiccated mutton, charred toast, and a soup-like mixture made from native tree saps and boiled fish.
Why does Brexit mutton have such an unusual appearance? Does it come from special sheep?
Traditionally, Brexit meats were prepared by the peasantry using labor-intensive fanning methods that could take several weeks per pound of mutton dehydrated. Mutton prepared this way wasn’t lumpy, and looked not dissimilar to a typical cut of mutton shrunk down to around 15% of its original size.
Today, most Brexit mutton comes from factories that use high-speed centrifuges to extract 99.6% of the mutton water in mere minutes, thus making possible its production on the scale necessary for mass consumption. Due to the extreme forces involved, the meat fiber tends to gravitate toward the outside of the chop, resulting in an awkward, lopsided appearance.
This is why modern Brexit mutton appears to be sourced from deformed sheep. This is generally not the case. Most British sheep do not have the grotesque deformities suggested by their post-centrifuge meat appearance.
Why was the Brexit in the news recently?
Since Charles II, it has been customary for the ruling monarch to ceremonially “spare” a sheep from centrifuging and allow it to return to its normal sheep life. In the run-up to this year’s Brexit, the sheep got lose and ended up in the Royal Membership Card Repository, where it unceremoniously ate Britain’s European Union membership card. As a result, the next time there is a meeting of the EU, Britain will not be allowed past the bouncer.
There is some hope that Britain will be able to call one of its friend countries on its cell phone from the door of the meeting and get them to come and let Britain in. But sometimes Britain doesn’t get that many bars on their cell phone, so this is not a foolproof plan.
Parliament briefly considered switching providers in the hopes that service near the upcoming meeting would improve, but the proposal was tabled when Britain checked and found it still had eight months left on its two-year contract and didn’t want to pay the early termination fee.
How will the Brexit affect 1935?
Thankfully, Britain’s possible departure from the European Union will not occur until sometime after the year 2016, so all historical events in 1935 should, for the most part, remain unaffected.
We hope that answers all your Brexit questions.
I’m sure you’re feeling much more comfortable with the whole situation now. A little bit of knowledge goes a surprisingly long way, doesn’t it?
That’s all for this week. Until next week, thanks for reading, and we’ll see you on the internet!