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April 25th, 2016
It’s all true.
Whatever you may have heard about a giant pterodactyl with the head of Humphrey Bogart circling the Space Needle, rest assured it is all completely true. As residents of Seattle, Anna and I know the unmistakable silhouettes of both the Needle and the Bogart, and lo, we have seen the evidence with our own bare eyes.
Words cannot describe the glorious spectacle of graceful flight and timeless smoulder we witnessed, so I won’t try to use words, because trying to use words would be futile given that I just said they cannot describe it. Sometimes I feel like I have to repeat myself with you, dear readers, and honestly I wish you’d just pay attention when I say things the first time. Really, you’re wasting your own time just as much as mine. We need you to focus up, turn off the instant notifications or whatever other nonsense you have going on with your phone and your active wristband and all that, and just concentrate for a change.
Wait, what was I saying?
Oh right — words cannot describe the whole picturesque thing with the pterodactyl, etc., and so I will instead appeal to your cinematic proclivities and say that it was this gorgeous vision of the night sky, very much like the one in E.T. the Extra Terrestrial when they were trying to get a majestic shot of the full moon and some idiot kid rode his bike across the set.
Say what you want about Steven Spielberg, but he knew how to turn that accident into an iconic shot, and that is the hallmark of a great filmmaker right there: when God gives you lemons, make lemonade. Cinematic lemonade.
Also, as a cinephile it reminded me of Christopher Nolan Presents Tim Burton's Batman Returns and/or Rises or whatever that one was called where Batman is driving the Batmobile and he drives it up in front of the moon for a few seconds. Unlike in E.T., this wasn’t an accident, it was all carefully staged and completely intentional, because Christian Bale is a professional and he doesn’t put up with amateurs on the set. If a kid rode his bike crazy and ruined a take, Bale would tear that kid a new hole of the sort it would be thoroughly impolite to mention on a professional blog such as this one. He comes to work, not to screw around while a bunch of half-rate child actors spill their Reese's Pieces all over the set like in E.T.
Actually now that I think about it, it might have been Michael Keaton in this particular shot that I’m thinking of at the moment, but that’s not really important because he is also very professional, and if you followed his career you would know that (I’m thinking of Mr. Mom in particular, but there are other examples).
Anyway the point is, Humphrey Bogart is bringing big news.
And I mean big. Like, twice the size of the news he brought last year when he brought news of a similar thing. Not that I know what it is or anything. I mean obviously Humphrey is a professional, and wouldn’t let me look at the announcement early. But I can tell just by the shear size of the package he’s holding.
It’s some serious 2x action.
So please do come back next week for the full story. Or sign up for our mailing list down there in the footer, and have it mailed to you automatically!
Until next week…
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