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No Imperfections Noted
The Jeff and Casey Show
Jeff and Casey Time
Casey Muratori
Seattle, WA
Jeff and Casey Island
"They don't want to know the circumstances of the pizza guy's life. They just want to see some pepperonis unsheathed."
Original air date: June 2nd, 2014
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Transcript
Jeff:
Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Jeff & Casey Show.
Casey:
Hello and welcome to this week’s episode of the Jeff & Casey Show. Now, Jeff…
Jeff:
Yes?
Casey:
You decided…
Jeff:
This is the sexy cast.
Casey:
Yes. You picked the topics. You went straight for it.
Jeff:
Well, we have this topics pile that fills up as people email us stuff.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
And then today, I thought… I mean, on this episode, I thought we’d just bang out, so to speak…
Casey:
You’re gonna bang out, if you will…
Jeff:
The sexy topics that people have brought to our attention.
Casey:
Okay, sexy topics. Alright. So this is a hat trick, I believe is the hockey term for three in a row…
Jeff:
Yeah, 3 stories.
Casey:
There are 3 stories in a row, all a little bit titillating.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
A little bit of titillation for you.
Jeff:
A little bit of that action happening.
Casey:
So if you, right now, are listening at work, you better buckle up because this is about to get hot. You might want to wait for the ride home.
Jeff:
Go to that phone booth.
Casey:
Go to the phone booth.
Jeff:
Close the door.
Casey:
Because the first one we have, I think nothing says hot like this one, really…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
The first article is sent to us by Jeff.
Jeff:
Yes, I found this one.
Casey:
I believe you are the one who found it. I don’t know how you found it.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
You know, it’s on CNN, I feel like maybe… Were you checking on your missing flight? Were you checking on the missing flight and you saw it?
Jeff:
That probably came up in that window where we were making fun of CNN for so long.
Casey:
And so, CNN, as always their finger on the pulse of world news, right…
Jeff:
Uh-huh…
Casey:
Remember, this is the network…
Jeff:
Breaking… It’s 24 hours a day.
Casey:
The network that brought you the first Gulf War.
Jeff:
That’s right.
Casey:
This is Wolf Blitzer.
Jeff:
This is embedded.
Casey:
This is embedded, literally. It is basically… It is… The embedding… They’ve pulled it out, tucked it in if you will, and let it close back…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
The story is: “Male Stripper Goes to Nursing Home, Elderly Resident’s Son Goes to Court”.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Now, basically… I mean, I don’t know how much of this I really have to read because you pretty much have the entirety. “Somebody at the New York nursing home apparently thought it would be a great idea to bring in a young, hard body for the elderly residents to watch dance.”
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
“In other words, a male stripper. But after a man found a picture in his 86-year old mother’s belongings of a man wearing only ‘tighty whiteys’ hovering very much in his mom’s personal space, the lawyers got involved. Bernice Youngblood, the wheelchair-bound resident whose son, Franklin, is suing the home on her behalf, told CNN affiliate WCBS, ‘I felt terrible. I was shaken and going on.’”
Jeff:
Right. So just to unpack it…
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
What you have is Bernice who is how old? Do we have an age on Bernice?
Casey:
86 years old.
Jeff:
Who is 86 years young…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
And she is at the nursing home.
Casey:
She is at the nursing home. She is wheelchair-bound.
Jeff:
Wheelchair-bound…
Casey:
She can no longer walk…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Without assistance…
Jeff:
But what the staff at the nursing home thought…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
They’re like, “These people are bummed out.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
“What we need to get their spirits up is we need to get some male strippers in.” Now, I will say at nursing homes I’ve been at, the guys are wicked randy. So like, they’re up to no good.
Casey:
Oh, okay. The elderly gentlemen?
Jeff:
Yes. Well, first of…
Casey:
Is this a Viagra problem? I feel like they should not be randy at that age.
Jeff:
No, I think this is just, “I’m old so I can now…” All that stuff that goes through the lizard brain…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Just comes out… So it’s like, the nurse is walking by and he’s like, “Mmm…” And it’s like, “Old man, you can’t hit that if you wanted.”
Casey:
Right, right.
Jeff:
Right?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
“You’d have to hit it with your walker as she went by.” So I’ve always heard that. Like in people that go and… Like candy stripers and whatever talk about it. Those old men are fucking gross, right?
Casey:
Yeah. Okay.
Jeff:
Because they just don’t give a fuck. What’s gonna happen to them? There’s nothing below the… There’s nothing after the nursing home, right?
Casey:
Here’s the thing, actually. I just thought of something. There’s probably… You know, I don’t have any experience with this. I don’t know anything about nursing homes. So I’m taking what you said at face value and assuming it’s true. Now, why I’m doing that with you? 400-pound squirrel, man. I don’t know. But I’m just gonna assume it’s true because honestly, it sounds fairly believable to me from what you’re saying. Here’s what I’m thinking. Kill 2 birds with one stone. I’m thinking “Kill 2 birds with one stone” here, Jeff, already.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Few paragraphs in this article, you’ve already given me a great idea, civic idea as well as safety idea.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
I feel like… And I could be wrong about this but I feel like young girls like teenage girls…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Probably do not fully appreciate all of the things that are going on in teenage boys heads…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
At the time.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
They may learn later on in life where we’re at, right? But they don’t know yet. What I’m thinking is you could both take care of the elderly and help impress upon teenage girls just how fucked up shit is in there so that they’re aware of the dangers by having them volunteer at the old folks’ home.
Jeff:
Oh, I see.
Casey:
So they can hear… They can basically get the unfiltered real brain and be like… You just tell them, “You see how that [inaudible 5:25] said? That is what all of the guys you know aren’t saying out loud to you.”
Jeff:
Or if you don’t want to go to the old folks’ home, post on Reddit. You’ll get plenty of direct messages that will explain the male brain really quickly.
Casey:
You’ve got the point there. Okay, never mind. Forget it. We could outsource that shit. We could outsource that shit.
Jeff:
Okay, so… Yeah, you don’t have to go to the old people for that, no. You can just get that… That’s…
Casey:
Alright. Okay, never mind. Alright, it was a stupid idea. This is why… Okay, so I don’t have… I don’t even know what that is. Lasciviousness 2.0…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I don’t know what you want to call this. Lechery 2.0.
Jeff:
Lechery 2.0.
Casey:
Lechery 2.0, you don’t need to go to the old folks’ home.
Jeff:
No. You just go to Reddit and post your real picture.
Casey:
Post a picture of you. It doesn’t matter what the picture is.
Jeff:
It doesn’t matter if it’s, like, “Here’s the Grand Canyon,” and you’re two fucking pixels high in the corner. They’re gonna say, “Nice tits,” right? It doesn’t matter if the tits is, like, blended with everything else…
Casey:
Man, the tits are… It’s only down to 1 pixel. There is only 1 pixel, the tits are [ covered ]…
Jeff:
But it’s just like the shade of the color, yeah, it’s like, “Ooh…”
Casey:
Yeah, they’re like, “Mmm, I’d like to get a close up on that.”
Jeff:
No, [ it’s close ].
Casey:
“Yeah, higher resolution.”
Jeff:
So…
Casey:
This is why, you know… I mean, people probably don’t appreciate this but it is probably generally the case that the reason we invented higher resolution cameras is specifically because some dude was sitting there, wishing he had the higher resolution version of those tits.
Jeff:
Oh, yeah [inaudible 6:46] Yeah.
Casey:
And he was like, “We need to design denser CCD’s.”
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Like, “Let’s get on this right now.”
Jeff:
Yeah, why not?
Casey:
And then later, they found uses for it where they were like, “Oh, we can sell this to consumers for their pictures or whatever,” right?
Jeff:
But no, everything starts with the guy at the factory…
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
So, no. So I know that the old men are gross at that but I really didn’t think of the women. And in that kind of sexist way of myself of, like, “Hey, teenage boys are gross…”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I had this conversation with a couple friends recently.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And just saying like, “No, you don’t understand teenage boys. Like, everything’s [ covered with semen ]. They’re just…” And they gave me right back, “No, you don’t understand.”
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
They said no. These are women and they’re like, “When I was a teenager…”
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
“I masturbated, like, 15-20 times a day.”
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Because they can. At least with the boys, you’re like…
Casey:
So much more straightforward.
Jeff:
Spent. Well, no. You have a… You cannot reproduce the same thing to the extent that someone who… As women…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
So they’re like, “No.” They were like, “I hear this all the time in pop culture. Yes, boys are gross because there’s some emission that you have to deal with.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
But, no. Like, I thought I was crazy because I did it so much.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And so… And this is what’s applying in terms of at the rest home…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
You think the guys are lecherous because they’re saying all this. The women, oh, they’re even worse.
Casey:
You think so?
Jeff:
Well, that’s why they got a hard-bodied male and not a stripper.
Casey:
Oh, because they’re like, “We don’t need…”
Jeff:
“We don’t need…” The guys… The women need something…
Casey:
Well, maybe. Okay. So if I could… If I may…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
I feel like filling in the lines of what you said. And I don’t feel like we have enough data here but if the argument that you’re going with is, “Hey, they brought in a male stripper.” It does not say anything about a female stripper.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
That is your observation that you’re sort of hinging upon… I guess what I would say is are we saying old women have some fucking taste and old men don’t? Like, they don’t give a shit. The old men don’t need a stripper. They’re just like, “I don’t give a shit. Whoever it is, it’s fine.”
Jeff:
The lady walking by in polyester pants, swishing…
Casey:
It’s fine. But the women are like, “We want a fucking body. I’m not gonna masturbate to some fucking stupid nurse.”
Jeff:
We have explained this.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
A guy needs a hole. He doesn’t need anything else.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
That’s what… And yes…
Casey:
Well, when you had this discussion about the masturbation, did you talk about that part? Did you talk about the requirements for mental [inaudible 9:29] there or whatever… What was the… Where did we land on that?
Jeff:
I think, in general, men are more visually-oriented so that you have… That’s why porn is watched by so many more men than women.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
But no. I think that at that point, you have bodies that are, like, “Wait, I made this discovery of this thing that I can do to myself that feels really good.”
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
At that point, I don’t think you need much imagery. Like, you’re just good.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
But you’re 86 years old, Casey.
Casey:
Wait, I don’t you. That logic, I don’t understand what you’re talking about because men can do the same thing but they often have pornography attached to it so it is more than just a purely physical process.
Jeff:
Yes. I think the way people end up fantasizing is very different, the process.
Casey:
Well, sure but…
Jeff:
So I feel like men, they can use the pictures, right?
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
They can use pornography. And I think you see this online where porn is just shrunk down… You know, usually, it’s like… I mean, it used to be guy coming to the door, something like, “Oh, the pizza’s the wrong kind of pizza. How are we gonna do this? I’m gonna lose my job…” Blablabla… Sex. Right? Now, they just got to… It might even be called “Pizza Guy” and the only reason you know, it’s like he has a red hat…
Casey:
There’s a box in the background.
Jeff:
And there’s a pizza box over there. They cut right to the fucking. So like… And that’s, I think, their audience. Whereas women, I think in general, fantasize a more complicated scenario.
Casey:
So here’s the thing. Let’s focus on that for 1 second if we could. I am interested, Jeff. I am interested to know how this change came about because in my mind, I’m thinking there are 2 possible explanations for the difference that you described.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
And there might be more but 2 come to mind. Thing 1 is the option that I think you were sort of implicitly, that you thought was the explanation. Now, you didn’t come out and say this but… Which is they’re simply optimizing for what the customer wants.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
The customer wants the sex. They don’t give a shit how the pizza guy got there. That’s not important. They don’t need to know the circumstance of the pizza guys’ life. They just want to see some pepperonis unsheathed and getting this going, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I don’t know what the cheese is in this. I’m not sure. But you know what I’m saying. They want to see shit go down.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
However, I think there’s another explanation. And the other explanation could be one of disillusionment on the part of the producers, not the audience. And the reason I say that is because if I am someone who is making porn, in a younger industry, I may have thought to myself, “Well, I’m producing these porn films as a stepping stone to working in Hollywood. So I need to make partial movie… Like, scenes that have a plot and different shots, different camera angles, if you will.” Things like this as opposed to just we set up a camera, hit record, and people fuck. Right?
Jeff:
right.
Casey:
And maybe what we’re seeing now is at this point, they’re just like, “Look, it’s been 40 years of this shit. We know we’re not going anywhere, alright. Those days are over. We are just people with a fucking Canon camera, setting it up on a tripod and we convince some people to fuck in front of it. That’s all we’re at and we’re never going anywhere else.
Jeff:
It’s totally possible.
Casey:
So they’re like, “Yeah, it’s not that we actually sat down and thought about whether the customer needs to know that there’s a pizza guy…”
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It’s like, “We just… We don’t even know how to do that. We don’t want to know. We’re never gonna be that guy. So that’s it.”
Jeff:
Totally possible.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And I think there are a number of differences. And this is a new phenomenon so you may be, like, all of a sudden porn figured out that they’re never gonna cross over.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
But I also think… I feel like it’s more of an optimization for the customer. That’s just a guess.
Casey:
There’s an even 3rd option which is simply that, like, the efficient markets hypothesis or something like this where it’s like, “Hey, guess what, all of the people…” Because you’ve seen Hollywood movies these days. All the people who could shoot even half a coherent scene, they all already… Like, Hollywood’s bar is like the Pacific Rim bar. Like, shit doesn’t add up. The pizza guy didn’t come to deliver those pizzas, either, right? It’s like the fucking monster shows up, he’s already got a pizza. Where did he get the pizza? Where did he get a fucking monster-sized pizza?
Jeff:
Right. Where did he get such a huge pizza pizza? Why is it labeled with Dominoes? It just makes no sense.
Casey:
Exactly. Yeah. And Guillermo del Toro or whatever the fuck… Whoever… Who was the fucking… What’s the guy’s name?
Jeff:
I don’t care.
Casey:
Whatever his name is.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I don’t remember the dude’s name.
Jeff:
Alfonso?
Casey:
But he shows up and it’s just like, I don’t know, he has a pizza. The concept artist drew the dinosaur with the pizza and I thought it looked cool so that’s where it’s at, right? So it could be that, like, it used to… You know, when you’re talking about the error or movies that was like, “The Sting” and shit where they were, like, complex plots for even a… Not even that complex a plot but intricate plots that were interesting and made sense… The bar for Hollywood might have been up there so that people whose shit was kind of “what is going here”, they were in porn, right?
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Now, those people, they’re the people making the main movie, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
They’re making the movie. So the only people they have left are people who are below that bar. Now, they could’ve gone more interesting. We could’ve had a better thing happen but fortunately, we didn’t. It could’ve been what happened is we still have the same mix of talent. I think what ended up actually happening is they just don’t have that talent. We don’t have Lawrence Kasdan or whatever the fuck. We don’t have, like, scriptwriters. That’s done. That’s over. It’s not happening anymore. Forget it. Let bygones be bygones. It’s over. Right? But you could’ve imagined a world where those people were still… Like, people who were serious about cinema and shit were still in Hollywood, where that was still happening. But it inverted. So for some reason, all the porn producers ended up in the high profile director things which is, you know, Michael Bay. That is what happened right there, you know. And all the other people ended up making porn. So you go watch… You’re trying to watch a porno. You’re like, “I need to watch the pizza guy fuck whoever he’s delivering to…” But instead…
Jeff:
Wit, you’re saying that’s happened?
Casey:
No. I’m saying this could’ve been a wonderful reality, right?
Jeff:
Oh, alternate porn universe.
Casey:
You go to watch the other porn and it’s like this crazy, awesome plot where, like, the pizza dude had this previous thing and he knows now and he comes and it’s his long-lost mother and what the fuck and it’s all this weird Oedipus shit going on. And it’s like, “This is amazing. It’s like a Grecian tragedy or something.” And you don’t even masturbate because you’re so blown away by the whole… Well, you’ll probably still masturbate but point being…
Jeff:
You pause so you don’t miss anything. Yeah.
Casey:
That could’ve been a whole different world. We didn’t go to that world unfortunately…
Jeff:
No, we didn’t go to that.
Casey:
But I would’ve liked to go to that world because that’s more interesting than where we ended up.
Jeff:
I don’t think that’s it. I think it is just… We’re getting to the point where it’s like, everything else… Instant gratification means… Also, we have a fourth option which is just like, the fucking internet’s gonna shit the bed in 30 seconds anyway so you’ve got to get 30 second of porn in the buffer…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
That’s possible. I have no idea. But no, I think… I mean, you see a big difference in, like, men going to the strip club versus women going to the strip club. It’s very different.
Casey:
So there should be a Tumblr. I’m just gonna say it right now. This needs to be a Tumblr. The Tumblr is Worst Places, Worst Film Frames for the Porn to Lag Out.
Jeff:
Just crazy [ deer face ]…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Ugh…
Casey:
Yeah. Oh, God. That would be awesome. Somebody please make this Tumblr. Oh, yes. Okay.
Jeff:
So what I was gonna say is my [ projection ] of male and female response to visual stimulation is, like, women going to a strip club versus men…
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Whereas women, this is a funny, silly thing to do…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
It is not a place to get turned on. It’s like, “This is crazy and I’m doing it with my girl friends,” or whatever. Whereas you go with guys…
Casey:
But just to be clear, ‘cos I don’t actually know (not having been to either kind of strip club), is that the case or is that a cultural problem where women just feel… ’Cos like, it’s culturally acceptable for bros to go to a strip club.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s like a dude thing to do, we can go to a strip club. But because it’s less…
Jeff:
Just take the same scenario, both bachelor parties…
Casey:
Hold on.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Is it the case that if our culture was different, women might have that same attitude? It’s not intrinsic to the sex. It’s a cultural thing where they’re like… It’s not comfortable…
Jeff:
There’s no difference in my mind of… I mean, at this point, we’re dealing with the reality. I don’t think it’s sex…
Casey:
But they might not really think of it as silly. That might be a way to excuse it because it’s less culturally acceptable for women to go to strip clubs, right?
Jeff:
I just think it’s how, like, whatever is ingrained in you early and how you think about it… I mean, there’s been a mill--… I mean, they do the sex…
Casey:
[ Do you see what I’m saying? ]
Jeff:
Yeah, yeah, totally. And I think it’s impossible to separate why the sexes are different in that way because we can’t go rerun the… I mean, you could… And then we’ll see in 10 years. And certainly more women watch porn now than they used to. But for most people…
Casey:
So, okay, if we had Jeff & Casey Labs, which we need… Jeff & Casey Labs definitely needs to be a thing. We need Jeff & Casey Labs…
Jeff:
On Jeff & Casey Island because we cannot be constrained by the governmental oversight.
Casey:
No, we cannot be constrained.
Jeff:
We can’t do any tests on 86-year old men.
Casey:
No, we can’t. Jeff & Casey Labs on Jeff & Casey Island. What we need to do is make an island filled with strip clubs, raise men and women from birth on this island with no preconceived notions about what is appropriate behavior and see who is in which clubs when.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
And how they would [ describe it ].
Jeff:
All you can really talk about is… I mean, you end up talking to women and what they’re turned on by and what they’re not. And my sample size is, like, the 6 people I’ve ever brought this up with…
Casey:
Right, right. Yeah.
Jeff:
Is they’re not… Visual stuff doesn’t do it for them.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
They can read a book and get very turned on.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
They can talk about scenarios that turn them on.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
But in terms of watching porn, it’s not… It’s very rare that that’s something that turns them on. And if it is, it’s something very strange about the porn. Like one person told me, “I got really turned on at this one porn that I saw.” And I was like, “Oh, really? You did?” And she said, “No. It was because it was on a desk that her old boss had the same desk. And she had had feelings for him that she never acted on. I’m like…
Casey:
Oh, I see.
Jeff:
And I was like, I didn’t even know there was a desk… I wouldn’t have noticed a desk unless that they were on it, right? Like, yes…
Casey:
Right. Well, then you would’ve been like, “They were on something…”
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
“I don’t know what it was but it was a hard surface.”
Jeff:
Yeah. But it is very…
Casey:
Here’s the thing. So maybe this is a good lesson learned here, right? Because one of the things that’s true about pornography typically throughout the ages is they’re often a pioneer in terms of media. And this has been true traditionally. Like, a lot of times, you will see something like… Oh, a new format comes out for distributing film like a VHS video tape and porn is right out there in front, right? It’s like, they are there because they don’t have this huge body of what’s considered valuable IP that they, like, have meetings about negotiating. They’re just like, “New channel. Get the porn out.” Which is why, I think at some point, somebody when they were talking about virtual reality. I think it might’ve been you. I don’t know.
Jeff:
Charles [inaudible 21:10]
Casey:
I don’t know who it was but somebody was saying something about, like, “It will take a while for porn to be on there,” or whatever they’re saying. I was like, “No. Porn is on there, day 1.”
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Like…
Jeff:
Charles argued porn [inaudible 21:19]
Casey:
Just to be clear, porn is on every medium, day 1. And that’s because that’s all they’ve got.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Being out there in new mediums, easy to access and whatever, that’s what they do. Now, okay… So given that, I feel like that suggests to me, if I had to say, that the opportunities for female-oriented pornography in the digital age are actually brighter than those for male pornography. And here’s why. Interactivity doesn’t add that much necessarily for the males.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
If all they need to see is a picture of someone fucking, well, they’ve got that under control. And you’re just talking about details. Maybe your ability to tweak the scenario or whatever the fuck you want to do is, like, incremental gain. But we’re not talking about it was doing it for you, it wasn’t doing it for you level of achievement here because honestly, the still images were fine. So the fact that we added video at all was more than enough. And now, we’re just getting into, like, the noise, the diminishing returns if you will.
Jeff:
Diminishing returns, yes.
Casey:
The diminishing…
Jeff:
The flaccid returns.
Casey:
I was gonna say the diminishing emissions, if you will.
Jeff:
Yeah. Alright.
Casey:
Now, on the female front, though, if we can say, “Hey, ladies. It’s not just 2 people fucking. It’s 2 people fucking on a desk that you selected from this wide array of actual physically modeled desks.” Because if I know, there’s women out there who are gonna get turned on by the fact that they can connect this scenario that they’re watching with a scenario they wanted to have happened but did not happen with the boss, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
All of a sudden now, we’ve got something in interactive pornography that could not have been delivered by hustler magazine or whoever the fuck else. They could never have targeted a woman with that kind of thing. Now we can.
Jeff:
Yeah. Well, you could target…
Casey:
Interactive fiction.
Jeff:
You just… You could target men the same ways. You’re like, “Oh, here. Upload a picture…”
Casey:
But they don’t need it.
Jeff:
But you, like…
Casey:
They were fine with the other thing…
Jeff:
Like, upload the picture of their neighbor. Boom. They’re buying that shit. They’re like, “I want it [ mapped on ]…”
Casey:
No, but you’re missing my point.
Jeff:
No, I didn’t.
Casey:
They were already buying it so we don’t care. We didn’t expand the market.
Jeff:
Oh, I see.
Casey:
My point is this expands the market. We can now go after people who weren’t buying porn.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Whereas the men, they’re just gonna buy different porn. All you’re doing is giving them a different piece of porn to buy…
Jeff:
That’s true.
Casey:
They were buying the porn already.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
So it’s not like you’ve expanded the market.
Jeff:
So if you’re looking for a market that needs to grow…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Which is all about the internet economy…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
It’s like, where’s your room for growth?
Casey:
It’s Pornography 2.0, right?
Jeff:
Yeah. You can do that for the… It’s like, women, you can change…
Casey:
Right, right, right, right, right. This is like when they went from game… You know, they had the sort of gamer collapse there. Games became a predominantly male thing and they, like, came back again with the casual games and stuff to start it start being a female audience. And now, it’s back to all games, all people, you know, this thing…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
So this could be Pornography 2.0. All people, we’re bringing them back into the fold…
Jeff:
Lets them add the details that…
Casey:
Yes, that they want.
Jeff:
Whatever their thing is that they…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Yes, that thing that they need, the hook, we can get that in there. And now, here’s the thing. You want a romance novel? We can tailor that for you, too. What are all the details that you need to have in this romance novel? We will produce it for you.
Jeff:
There is something interesting in the porn industry in terms of a recent occurrence…
Casey:
[inaudible 24:45] for this shit.
Jeff:
Which is… Women are starting…
Casey:
[inaudible 24:48] Microsoft Venture Partners…
Jeff:
Stop it. We’re starting to see that the major people who actually produce porn versus the gorilla stuff where they just hit record on a camera… But the big places like Vivid and…
Casey:
Oh, like the company that produces…
Jeff:
Yeah. They’re companies that actually produce even movie-length porn.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Like, the people who are making porn that is, like, longer form, that is not just disposable that you throw on the internet…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Are often owned by women now.
Casey:
Oh, really?
Jeff:
Yeah. And the women performers are paid many times more than the men.
Casey:
Because since it’s for guys, the guys don’t give a shit who the guy is.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
They’re just like, “Whatever. Fuck it.”
Jeff:
Yeah, exactly. It doesn’t matter that much. And they have plenty of guys that are just like, “Sure.”
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Whereas women, it’s been harder. But it is… So they are [ forward ] owners…
Casey:
Wait, how much does a guy get paid for a porno? Do the guys even get paid for the porno would be the first question. They probably had to make a union or there wouldn’t have been.
Jeff:
Yeah, probably.
Casey:
Would be my guess.
Jeff:
Anyway, so let’s get back to the story of 86-year old Bernice.
Casey:
I’m not even that interested. These were all more interesting than her story but you had something to say. You had something to say so go ahead.
Jeff:
So if they said, “Okay, we don’t need to do anything for the guys.”
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
“We need to get something for Bernice…”
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
They brought this guy in who honestly looks more like… He looks kind of like… He’s got kind of wrestling trunks on or briefs…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
She’s all up in there…
Casey:
So that’s one thing I will say. So, I know the son is going to court and suing here. But looking at Bernice who is… I mean… Well, we don’t know that this Bernice but I assume it’s Bernice. Looking at Bernice, she is… She’s got her hands on the underwear. She is putting presumably tips into the underwear. I would say she does not want this lawsuit to proceed.
Jeff:
I don’t…
Casey:
She would like the male stripper to continue coming if…
Jeff:
Well, there’s an interesting detail in this story that I thought kinda changed it up I think.
Casey:
Oh, really? Okay. So I haven’t got… Sorry, I didn’t read far enough down for you.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
What is the passage?
Jeff:
“Bernice Youngblood, who the suit says has partial dementia,” so, like, she doesn’t know what’s going on. She, “was ‘confused and bewildered’ when the stripper approached her and directed her to ‘place her hands about and upon his body, including his genital area.’”
Casey:
His genital area?
Jeff:
Yes. Now, Franklin, her son…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Goes on… He’s more mad about society, not just this thing.
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
He said, listen. “There’s too much sex and craziness that’s going on in the world. Now they’re bringing it to the nursing home, and it don’t belong here.” That’s what he said.
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
So there’s another thing. I can’t… I think this was in a separate article about this because this kinda got passed around. There was another part where the Dollar that she was actually tipping was her cafeteria money. So it’s a little worse than just, like, Bernice is getting… She’s like, she can’t afford to be giving strippers, these hard-bodied men… She can’t afford to make it rain. That’s gonna make her eat, right? And so, she’s… So that’s a little demented.
Casey:
This is… You’re kind of making me sad here.
Jeff:
Yeah. No, it is a little sadder than it comes off.
Casey:
Alright. Okay, wait a minute. So… Wait, does that mean that Bernice didn’t get to eat? What are we talking about here? Where does it say that?
Jeff:
That’s in the… That’s why I tried to find the passage where she talks about the cafeteria.
Casey:
Well, no. Okay, hold on a second. It says simply, “Franklin said his mother was forced to tip the stripper with her own money, which is supposed to be locked away at the nurses’ station.”
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
So it does not say that she’s gonna starve.
Jeff:
No, they didn’t say that even in the other article. The other article is saying that it was money that is normally used at the commissary.
Casey:
Yeah. Okay. But she’s not… Okay. So I would argue…
Jeff:
Look, she’s 86 years old. She probably eats, like, half a jar or something and is full. She’s not gonna starve.
Casey:
But presumably, food is already paid for there. This is presumably just, like, throwaway money, like whatever, right?
Jeff:
Her [ skin mags ]. She can’t buy her [ skin mags ].
Casey:
Okay, look. Let’s just get one thing out here in the open. So I’ve never been to an old folks’ home, really. I think we went to see my grandmother in one, at one point. I vaguely recall doing this a couple of times. I’m sorry. Not my grandmother. My great grandmother.
Jeff:
We went to the assisted living place which is similar but not quite as depressing in December. We went and saw the…
Casey:
You did?
Jeff:
[inaudible 29:14] Wait. Oh, you didn’t come for…
Casey:
I wasn’t there.
Jeff:
Right. You didn’t come for Christmas. Didn’t we go the year before to one of those little… Probably not.
Casey:
I don’t know. You might’ve.
Jeff:
Yeah. I don’t think you did.
Casey:
Anyway, point being…
Jeff:
You… You just stay home in Nebraska…
Casey:
I’m not really into old people.
Jeff:
Alright. Well…
Casey:
I’m not really into old people. I don’t go to funerals.
Jeff:
That’s sort of my Racism 2.0, too.
Casey:
I’m just not… I’m not into death. It’s not a thing for me. I had this discussion the other day, actually. I was trying to explain the fact that death doesn’t bother me almost at all.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So, like, when people die, it’s just they’re dead and they’re gone and it’s done.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So I have no… Like, I have no backward looking remorse in that way.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
I don’t go over and go, “I can’t believe that they’re gone,” or it’s like, they were there… It’s like, the interval has passed and we’re in the next zone and it’s all good.
Jeff:
Alright. Okay.
Casey:
So I literally… Like, a funeral or something (which I’ve never been to), the whole concept is completely alien to me.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
I’m like, “What…” I have no idea what this is meant to accomplish. I mean, I know why people say that it is happening. But internally, I cannot map it to anything I could ever…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
I don’t understand, right?
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
It’s like, I’m like, “Alright.” And so, I can’t quite get my head around it in an empathetic way, in the way that you normally would, right? So yeah, I mean, that’s… Oldness is also a [inaudible 30:37] you know, in that whole vein, right? It’s like, if I’m ever in an old folks’ home, please don’t feel the need to visit me. It’s not necessary. I would not want you to. You do not have to do this. It’s totally fine. Moving on.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
What I was going to say is that if I were in an old folks’ home, I’m going to die soon, people, okay? Let me have my fucking stripper. Alright? Does it have to be a legal issue? Does CNN have to come in and stick their face in the genitalia of this whole issue? Why can’t I just put… Why can’t Bernice put a Dollar in a strippers underwear in peace, okay? She’s not gonna live that long. She’s 86 or whatever we said.
Jeff:
She has dementia. She may not even know there’s a stripper. She doesn’t know what’s going on.
Casey:
Well, no. She knows there’s a stripper, she just doesn’t remember there’s a stripper.
Jeff:
I see. Yeah.
Casey:
She kinda knew at the time, maybe, there was something in her face.
Jeff:
Bernice, who had a lot going on… I do recommend people go look up the story because the picture’s hysterical.
Casey:
The picture’s amazing. I don’t know. I don’t have enough information to comment.
Jeff:
Let’s go on to our next… We’ve got a lot of sexy topics.
Casey:
I’m sorry for dwelling on this. We got off topic. That’s what happens in the Jeff & Casey Show.
Jeff:
It’s what we do.
Casey:
Bernice, if you enjoyed…
Jeff:
So you’re just saying, “More power to Bernice.”
Casey:
If Bernice enjoyed… I just want to find out. Did Bernice look like she enjoyed the stripper or not?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
If she was, case closed in my opinion. Bernice should have her stripper if she wants her stripper.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
And look. I know you can say, “Well, okay, bring the old folks to the strippers. Like maybe take the old folks to the strippers…” That’s a big deal for them. It’s hard for them to get out. It’s uncomfortable…
Jeff:
They might break a hip.
Casey:
The fucking stripper is in good shape. He can come to the nursing home, no problem. That is the better way. They were solving this problem logically.
Jeff:
That’s true. Do not… But Bernice needs to stay off the pole because all kinds of stuff can happen if she’s wheelchair-bound…
Casey:
Well, this is even better. There is no pole when the stripper comes to visit. So less chance of injury.
Jeff:
That’s true.
Casey:
Everything’s better.
Jeff:
Wait, did I tell you that story of the party we ended up at that had a stripper pole?
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
Okay, this is a pretty funny story.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
In this way where you go to parties of friends, and then we were going to a friend of ours who said, “Hey, you want to come to this party?” It’s his birthday. It’s his partner’s birthday.
Casey:
Oh, it’s not just a party, it’s a birthday party?
Jeff:
A birthday party, yes. So we’re like, “Oh, sure,” you know. So we go over to them. And now he is dating… His boyfriend is much younger. His boyfriend is, like, 22.
Casey:
Okay. Alright. So this is more of the situation that you talked about in last week’s, with the NBA… What’s his name there with the…
Jeff:
Sterling? Yes.
Casey:
Roger Sterling?
Jeff:
Not Roger… That’s from Mad Men.
Casey:
No, wait. Roger Sterling, he’s from Mad Men. What’s his name? Somebody Sterling?
Jeff:
Yes. Donald.
Casey:
Donald Sterling?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Okay. So whoever Donald Sterling is, it’s more of that situation.
Jeff:
Yes. Well, he’s 35 and 22.
Casey:
Oh, so it’s not really in the Sterling zone?
Jeff:
No, it’s not that.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So, we go there. And we realize… Okay, first of, it’s a 20-year old’s party. 20-year old’s parties are, like. . .
Casey:
Yeah, you’re not ready for that.
Jeff:
No, you’re just like… Again, you’re in your 20’s, you don’t know what… Everything’s… You haven’t quite figured everything out.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
So the party is very strange, oddly set up. There wasn’t a lot of thought to who’s coming.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
The food is weird.
Casey:
What? What do you mean the food is weird?
Jeff:
I mean, it’s not… It’s what they had in their fridge.
Casey:
Right, right, right.
Jeff:
They didn’t go out to get food. They’re like, “This is what we had.” So it’s like, weird leftovers. It was just like, “Okay, this is the weirdest…”
Casey:
Half a wheel of cheese…
Jeff:
Yeah. And then the furniture… They’re artists, so the furniture’s handmade. So it’s a weird scene.
Casey:
Oh, dear. Okay.
Jeff:
But the funny thing is his roommate, these 2 lesbians… Beautiful. Like, the whole lipstick lesbian thing, I was always… Never knew really existed… You go to New York, you’re like, “Oh, okay, that’s where they got…” The lesbians there are amazing. They’re just gorgeous.
Casey:
What do you mean? I’m sorry, “didn’t know existed”? Unpack that statement.
Jeff:
I thought that “lipstick lesbian” was a fantasy invented for straight men.
Casey:
No, no. No, I could’ve told you that. You can go up on Capitol Hill, dude.
Jeff:
Oh, okay.
Casey:
There are some…
Jeff:
Alright, well…
Casey:
Now, granted, Seattle is definitely a burlier place.
Jeff:
Yes, in general.
Casey:
So it’s definitely the case that our guys are burlier. Our women are burlier, as well. It’s just the way we are here. But there are a lot of very attractive lesbians on Capitol Hill at any given time. I can tell you that. I always remember being up there and being very disappointed. I’m like, “I have no chance with any of these people,” and it was very sad. But…
Jeff:
In multiple dimensions.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Like, “Oh, I’m totally…”
Casey:
Yeah, it was just bad. But that aside…
Jeff:
So anyway, we go there at this party. And in that way… This isn’t all 20-year olds but in the sense that when you are 20 years old and you do something, you get into something…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
It becomes, like, the centerpiece of what you spend your money on, whatever that is.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
“I’m into rock climbing.” You go into their house, there’s just rock climbing gear all over the place, whatever.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
In this case, the 2 girls had installed a stripper pole in the living room. I don’t mean like…
Casey:
Oh.
Jeff:
It was the centerpiece of the apartment. Like, you walk in…
Casey:
How do you secure a stripper pole to a…
Jeff:
They drilled it into the ground and then there’s… They make them…
Casey:
They actually secured it to a [ thing ]?
Jeff:
They make thing that… You embed this thing in the ceiling, into the drywall…
Casey:
Wouldn’t that rip up the drywall or something?
Jeff:
Oh, yeah, definitely. Again, 20-year olds, you don’t care. You’re like, “Oh, we lose the security deposit. Fuck it.
Casey:
Holy shit.
Jeff:
So they poke it up through the ceiling…
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
In this little metal sleeve that you install in the stuff…
Casey:
Oh, God damn it.
Jeff:
And then screw that down on to ground…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And then, they had rented a smoke machine. So it was like, just crazy…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
It was not a normal birthday… It’s not a birthday party…
Casey:
Let’s cut to the chase. Did you do the stripper pole?
Jeff:
No, I…
Casey:
Did you get on the stripper pole?
Jeff:
I wanted to see how hard it was to hold yourself up and it’s very hard.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
But no, I didn’t do very much. But Dawn tried it and I was dying because she just basically grabbed it then went…
Casey:
But in a sexy way… That’s the key.
Jeff:
It was funny. No, we were laughing.
Casey:
Not in a sexy…
Jeff:
So it was just funny to find yourself at a 20-year old party.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Where is the story going? That’s it? That’s all you had? Just that there was a stripper pole? You went to a 20-year old party with a stripper pole, that’s the story?
Jeff:
I went to a place that there was a stripper…
Casey:
Your stories are starting to be like my stories…
Jeff:
No, I’m just saying the stripper pole, since you brought it up, it reminded me of this crazy thing where, like…
Casey:
I didn’t bring it up. You brought it up.
Jeff:
No, you brought up stripper pole when we were talking…
Casey:
No, you brought it up. You said if she gets on the stripper pole or she shouldn’t get on the stripper pole or something.
Jeff:
That’s true. In any case…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
I would say…
Casey:
You jarred your own memory.
Jeff:
I would say the difference between… Like, the 30-year old/40-year old gets a stripper pole…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
They’re gonna install it in the bedroom. They’re gonna be like, “Okay, my friends can’t come over and see the strip pole…”
Casey:
Why not?
Jeff:
I’m just saying you start to get your shit together after your 30’s and you’re like…
Casey:
Okay, I’m gonna put this out there just so you have a little context. I had a friend. And maybe he wasn’t out of his 20’s yet. Maybe he was, like, 27 or 28 or something like this. But you know, it was a relatively mature guy. I mean, he was not partying all the time or anything like this. He worked at Microsoft. And he had a inflatable… It was called the Love Ewe.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
It was an inflatable lamb, like a little sheep thing, with a hole in the ass for fucking.
Jeff:
Ugh.
Casey:
You know what I’m talking about, right?
Jeff:
No. Okay.
Casey:
So he liked… He just had that and he would keep it fully inflated in the living room because he liked to see what people would do with it. Like, if they were comfortable with it or whatever, right? So you could see putting a stripper pole in your main room because you want to see how people… You like the chance of seeing how people react to the stripper pole. Will they get up on it? Will they touch it? Do they focus on… Do they try to ignore it, pretend it doesn’t exist? You know what I’m saying?
Jeff:
I think that’s possible but I don’t think you do construction for those kinds of things. If I had a blow up doll and put it on the ground…
Casey:
But I’m saying if you were going to have a stripper pole anyway, you were saying to put it in the bedroom. I’m saying, I could see the thought process of, “No, let’s put it in the living room. It will be fun.”
Jeff:
“Let’s just see what happens.”
Casey:
Yeah. “Let’s see what happens.”
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Everyone on the stripper pole. It’s like everyone is at a hot tub. Everyone in the hot tub.
Jeff:
That is possible. It is possible. I generally chalk that up to that’s how you separate somebody in their 20’s from in their 30’s of when you start going like, “Let’s imagine how other people would react to this stupid shit I’m doing.”
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And then, cloak it somehow.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Alright, next story.
Casey:
Next story. So this apparently… This isn’t really a story. This isn’t news. This is more history almost, really, but it is ongoing. And this is something sent by Ginger, actually. She wanted to point out… I believe she said, “This sounds like something that would be up your alley,” is what she said.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So it turns out that basically since 1983… I was 7, okay. So since I was a wee, wee tot… I was born in 1976 so I would’ve been, like, 7. It turns out that everyone in the US Congress… I guess both the House and the Senate, right…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Received Hustler…
Jeff:
Wait, Flynt sent it to them?
Casey:
Received Hustler without having subscribed, automatically in the mail, every issue.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Every issue.
Jeff:
So Flynt just goes over the Congressional record, gets everybody’s name…
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
And just mails, every month, a copy of Hustler Magazine to every one of them.
Casey:
That’s correct.
Jeff:
I suppose if you’re… He probably believes that most of the problems in the world are probably based on repression and sexual frustration and stuff. So from that world view, you could see a pornographer’s world view being… You’re like, “This is…” Like, “If they just read this magazine, it will make the world a better place.” I could see his thought process, I guess.
Casey:
So I’m just gonna quote what the article says here. And unfortunately, you know, this is one of the times when I probably should’ve done a little…
Jeff:
Research?
Casey:
Upfront research. And I apologize to the viewers… I’m sorry, the listeners. I switched to saying viewers when we were on the televised one. Now, it’s hard to switch back. To the listeners, it say here that “Hundreds of legislators,” there are 535 of them who have been receiving it which does sound like all of them to me. I don’t always remember how many people are in the House of Representative ‘cos it changes based on the census. But you know, there’s 400 and something so 435 sounds like a plausible number plus the hundred in Senate. I think so. I think he sends it literally to everyone. It says, “Hundreds of legislators filed a complaint against Flynt in 1984 to stop the mailings. But a US district court eventually sided with the porn king. ’Receiving Hustler once each month would not unduly burden a Member of Congress,’ the court’s opinion read, adding: ‘We cannot imagine that Congressional offices all lack wastebaskets.’” So that makes me want to read the oral arguments, if I may use the term, the “oral arguments” in this case and also see the judge’s opinion because I would like to know what issues were “erected”…
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
In the course of this particular trial.
Jeff:
Stop it. Yeah, I think that’s awesome. I think… Flynt… I like… He seems like a completely disgusting pervert and gross dude.
Casey:
I don’t really know anything about the guy.
Jeff:
But I like everything he does from that standpoint. Like, he just owns it in this kinda awesome way.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So, yeah, that’s cools. So since 1983, he’s been doing that.
Casey:
Yeah. So, I like… Okay, I do have one question, I guess, which is I don’t know what the policy of the Library of Congress is but I would imagine that there’s something along the lines of if you register a work with them and send a copy, they may be obligated to keep it?
Jeff:
Well, I would imagine that…
Casey:
If that makes sense…
Jeff:
Most magazines would go there regardless if they’re smut or not if they’re actually produced and mailed out.
Casey:
So I’m just wondering if…
Jeff:
Definitely, you’d have to have Playboy because there’s…
Casey:
There’s real articles there.
Jeff:
Yeah, there’s important stuff that actually happened in that…
Casey:
Yes, that is true.
Jeff:
And I would assume that probably anything with a readership of over whatever a major magazine is…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Yeah, they just automatically put on [inaudible 43:45] whether it’s [ porn or not ].
Casey:
Because I’m gonna tell you this right now, if that’s true, then I want to go… I want to find the awesomest name like Double Jugs Magazine or something, like the awesomest name I could possibly find. I’m sure there’s a website somewhere that’s, like, “Best Porno Mag Names”. And whenever I next happen to be in Washington DC, I want to go to the Library of Congress and be like, “Could I get… How do I get the back issue of ‘Joe Fuckers Magazine’?”
Jeff:
“Can I get that, the [inaudible 44:16]”
Casey:
Yeah, right, “[inaudible 44:18] I’m doing some research.”
Jeff:
“Of ‘Cum Jugglers’.”
Casey:
I’m gonna say it aloud. It’s not gonna be a quiet request. It’s gonna be like…
Jeff:
Well, apparently, that’s a big problem at the libraries anyway nowadays.
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
You haven’t heard about this?
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
The libraries now are pretty much for homeless people to jerk off to.
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
That’s what the libraries… The libraries are not just for bandwidth.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
’Cos…
Casey:
Yeah, Bittorrent at the public libraries, this is [ what our show is about. ]
Jeff:
Yeah, exactly.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
No, it’s a problem of all the public computers that are there, that are being commonly used by gross dudes, either dudes that are being a little, semi-exhibitionist and trying to do something shitty at the library…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Or just flat out homeless people who, you know, their iPhone data plan is used up for the month…
Casey:
Right, right, right. Yes.
Jeff:
“So, I’ll go to the library. That’s what I gotta do.”
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
At the Seattle Library, they have a sign by the computers that… There’s no filters. They don’t put any filters on that because that court case has been lost a whole bunch of times.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
But they have a placard that said, “Absolutely, you cannot use the computers for looking at pornography. You’ll be asked to leave.”
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So they just… The Seattle… They’re just like, “We’re gonna own this. We’ll put this right here and do it.” But yeah, if you… There’s that Twitter… You know, Twitter had that handle it was FloridaMan, like all that crazy Florida things…
Casey:
So I just want to unpack that a little bit. I’m not sure exactly what you’re saying. Like, most of the people at the Seattle Public Library (which I am often at) are not watching pornography on their computers.
Jeff:
No…
Casey:
I know because I can see.
Jeff:
No, no, no. I’m joking. It’s just what is done…
Casey:
Yes, once in a while, you definitely have them.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
And yes, there’s tons of homeless people at the Seattle Public Library, as well, but…
Jeff:
No, no, I’m not saying… Yeah.
Casey:
That’s because if you’re fucking homeless, you don’t have a desktop computer. That is what it’s for. That’s a good thing because… I mean, if you are homeless, you may not want to remain homeless and having the access to technology is a good idea.
Jeff:
No, no, I’m not arguing. No, no, of course. I’m not saying there should be a “no homeless people at the library” policy.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
I say that it’s probably smart to have a “no jerking off at the library” policy…
Casey:
Well, if I may…
Jeff:
Because… Yes?
Casey:
Where are they supposed to jerk off? They don’t have another place they can watch porn on the internet. They should just make a fucking room for that.
Jeff:
Okay. First of…
Casey:
“This is the Jerk Off Room…”
Jeff:
Okay, you could do a room.
Casey:
Go into the Jerk Off Room, nobody under 18 admitted… Well, then where are they gonna jerk off? I don’t know. Alright, I don’t know. Point being, there’s a way we keep kids from accidentally going to the Jerk Off Room.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So little Suzie doesn’t wander in there and like, “Oh, my God. What have I seen?”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right, we don’t want that to happen necessarily. We want her to know what she’s getting into if she opens that door handle.
Jeff:
If she goes through that door, it’s really on her, not [inaudible 47:05]
Casey:
It’s on her. We want it to be on… We don’t want it to be on her unless she wants it to be on her is I guess what I’m saying.
Jeff:
I guess…
Casey:
So…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Assuming we solved that problem…
Jeff:
What are the rest of the policies? I feel like… Because you can’t… If you’re gonna have the Jerk Off Room…
Casey:
Right, which I’m saying is a good idea.
Jeff:
You need it not to go too crazy in the way that dudes are gross, right? It’s got to be one person in the room at a time. Maybe you have the glass…
Casey:
It’s a booth…
Jeff:
The booths, yeah. But…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And it’s obscured but you can see the face. To be able to see that… ‘Cos if you have a completely closed door, things go wrong. We know that elevator bathrooms…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
[ As soon as you put ] a door on it, people start doing gross shit.
Casey:
Okay. Alright.
Jeff:
So you have to have some visibility.
Casey:
I have a proposal, an alternative proposal.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Because honestly, I think this is what they should do for the bathrooms in the Seattle Public Library, as well, because holy shit… So I just say we just solved this whole problem.
Jeff:
All at once.
Casey:
We just make… The bathrooms have porn in them so we just solve that. And then what we do is we basically… We Dexter that shit. So you know when you normally… Up in the corner, there’s that little thing you pull out to put the thing on the seat. Fuck that. It’s a whole stall-sized thing.
Jeff:
A full stall.
Casey:
It’s just a stall-sized condom.
Jeff:
And you know those electric ones that just suck back into the toilets…
Casey:
Yeah, yeah, yeah… Yep.
Jeff:
So like, you go in and it goes…
Casey:
It all sucks the whole thing goes down, yeah, exactly. Yeah.
Jeff:
And then it’s a new fresh one.
Casey:
Right. Yeah. I’m thinking, like literally Dexter Morgan comes in, designs the kill room…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Only this time, it’s for semen, not blood.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Problem solved. That is what I think we should do because I want that just for the bathroom in general, minus the jerking off because it is not safe in there. It is not sanitary. And I would like it to be sanitary.
Jeff:
A friend of mine told me about these. We were walking in New York and there’s these video stores.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
They sell video tapes. And I’m like…
Casey:
Like VHS video tapes?
Jeff:
Yeah. And I’m like, “It’s so weird that they still exist in New York.” And he’s like, “That’s not what they are?” And I go, “You can see right in the window.” And he’s like, “That’s what’s on the first floor. In the basement, what they are at these video stores is there are little stalls…”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
That are… You’re obscured from your… Each one is, you know, a little set of booths.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And they go down from the top, from the ceiling. The wall doesn’t start at the floor and go up. It starts from the ceiling and it goes down to about your waist.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And the idea is you’re there. If you look over in the next stall and you like what you see…
Casey:
But you can’t see. You said it starts from the ceiling…
Jeff:
No, it stops… You can see waist down. You can’t see face.
Casey:
Oh, if you like what… So you don’t like what you see head-wise…
Jeff:
No, no, no. It’s not that. It’s for, like… Again, in this ruthless optimization that males tend to do.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
No, it’s like, hey, you see this other guy that you’re into.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
You’re able to service each other…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
[ And you go on anyway… ] I was like, “Oh, my God.” And I was giving him a hard time…
Casey:
So wait, if the idea is you’re not supposed to be able to see, how… Is this rigorously enforced? Like, can’t you just duck down there or is that a big no?
Jeff:
I have no idea what the…
Casey:
Actually goes on?
Jeff:
Well, what faux pas and…
Casey:
You didn’t go in the booth? You weren’t like, “Let’s do this”?
Jeff:
But he was talking about it and I’m like, “Oh, my God. That’s bad.” And he goes, “If you think that’s bad, when I went there…” And I’m like, “Oh, my God. Dude…” And he’s like, “Sometimes, you know, you get [ needs ].” I’m like, “Alright.” But he’s like, “The thing that I really felt bad at was not with myself when I’d done it because, like, oh, hey. Whatever.”
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
He said when he was leaving, there was a really sad man in a uniform with a mop bucket. It was his job, after the people left the booths to go clean up.
Casey:
See, that’s… Like, iRobot could make someone’s life a lot better by just… You know… Although, I suppose then they would be out of a job so I don’t know what… I don’t know. I mean, employment is good. I don’t really want someone to have to do that job but I guess it is a job and so someone can earn a living…
Jeff:
Well, I think that the Moppers Union is probably lobbying against robotic moppers.
Casey:
Robotic semen… The iSemen.
Jeff:
’Cos they’re just like, “We’re gonna lose all these jobs.” Are you against jobs?
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Because that’s what you are if you support the auto-robot…
Casey:
Right, the Semen Rumba.
Jeff:
Alright, continue…
Casey:
The Screwmba.
Jeff:
We cannot stay on topic. Wait, what was this one again?
Casey:
This was just talking about the fact that Larry Flynt is mailing these things. Now, what I think is interesting about that is it brings up the fact that you can turn the tables, if you will.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Because normally, what happens is congressional staffers send shit to you that you don’t want. And you get these flyers, like “Vote for blablabla”.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Right? And this is like, “Fuck it. I can start sending shit to my congressmen. I can fucking send shit to my congressmen that’s like a giant picture of my cock or whatever that’s like, ‘thank you for sucking’ or whatever. Right? Like, I could start sending them shit that they don’t want to receive. And I like this.”
Jeff:
As long as it’s ostensibly not… Like, I wonder what the limits are on what you can… Because you obviously can’t threaten people in the mail and whatever. What can you…
Casey:
Yeah, well. So…
Jeff:
Would we have to publish a magazine…
Casey:
So it’s a very… Unfortunately, it’s very fluid. It’s difficult… It’s a very difficult legal issue because there’s fighting…
Jeff:
Larry spends a lot of time [ at work ].
Casey:
There’s fighting words and there’s obscenity things or whatever the fuck. But in general, when you receive something in the mail, it actually can be obscene as long as it is wrapped.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So for fighting words, I don’t know what the actual… And threats, I don’t know what the… I don’t know how that plays out.
Jeff:
I want to… I’m gonna segue… I’m not gonna segue but I’m gonna push that. I have a thing. Have you heard of mutual agreed combat laws in Washington?
Casey:
Oh, for like dueling and stuff?
Jeff:
Well, in Washington, apparently it’s legal if 2 people both agree to fight. They can fight.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
In the presence of police.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So the reason I know this…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Because the long-term subject of the podcast, Phoenix Jones…
Casey:
Oh, no…
Jeff:
And I can’t remember if [ that’s a video with this… ]
Casey:
You’re bringing it back to… That’s Season 2 Episode 2. Or Episode 3, 2 or 3.
Jeff:
Very specific.
Casey:
Or 2.
Jeff:
So…
Casey:
Well, Shadow Hair. The episode was called Shadow Hair.
Jeff:
Phoenix was dealing with some drunk… He was patrolling the streets as he does here in Seattle.
Casey:
Yes, he does.
Jeff:
And a drunk guy got all up in his face and then police were called. They arrived, trying to just prevent this thing from escalating. When Phoenix Jones… I think it was Phoenix who explained the mutual… He knew about this…
Casey:
Because he knows, yes.
Jeff:
They agreed… The 2 agreed and then Phoenix Jones beat the shit out of the drunk.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Because he’s… He does boxing stuff. And he’s a big dude.
Casey:
This doesn’t sound like something a superhero would do.
Jeff:
I don’t feel like I’ve read a lot about, like, Superman going, “Hey, guys. I don’t know if you know this,” and they do this thing. “Let’s all sign this paperwork.” And then he beats the shit out of the robber. He just did it.
Casey:
I like the idea of, like, the attaché. It’s like a superhero who always, like, contractually agrees beforehand to all of the things that are about to happen.
Jeff:
Right, exactly.
Casey:
Right? And all of his little quips would be related to the legalese in some parts, right? And…
Jeff:
Yeah, yeah, yeah…
Casey:
I feel like that would be very amusing to me and very unpopular to everyone else superhero.
Jeff:
The “read your rights”.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Okay. Third story. Let’s do this last story. We’re doing okay.
Casey:
So the third story…
Jeff:
This one’s close to home.
Casey:
This one’s rough. This is a rough story. I’m sorry, people, to put you through this but here it comes. There is a column. There is a column in our newspaper here…
Jeff:
The Seattle Times.
Casey:
The Seattle Times. So in the old days, you can imagine that Microsoft was kind of the pride of Seattle because in the old days, you had to… Like, if you go back to 1990, they’re the hip shit. Like, most people don’t understand this fact but, like, the way that people think of, like, Google or something… Well, maybe they don’t really think of it in that way anymore but the Google of 2007 or something like, that’s how people thought of Microsoft. It was like, “Holy shit, you work for Microsoft?”
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
It was so awesome.
Jeff:
Yeah, there’s a cache to it.
Casey:
All the smart people are there.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Everyone’s rich. It’s fucked up, like, dude…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Oh, yeah. Anyway, that was the thing. I mean, nowadays, people think of Microsoft as, like, this kind of giant sort of…
Jeff:
Lumbering IBM…
Casey:
Ass creature whose headpiece is sort of up in the crevice. And it’s like this lumbering sort of ass-head thing that walks around and bumps into shit.
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
It falls over and the poop comes out.
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
That’s what people think of. It’s like this lumbering thing that can’t do anything right. But that has not always been the case. So anyway, there is a tradition in Seattle of covering Microsoft, of Microsoft being a big deal even if that’s not really the case anymore…
Jeff:
Oh, okay.
Casey:
That was traditionally the case…
Jeff:
They probably do that for Boeing, too.
Casey:
And they probably have… You know, yeah… I don’t really know what they did for Boeing but one would assume. So in our newspaper, there is a column that covers Microsoft. That’s what it is. It’s called Microsoft Prize Zero.
Jeff:
Prize Zero?
Casey:
Well, it’s related to the fact that they have… So Microsoft’s bug-reporting standards in that way that you’re like, “Okay, guys, I know what you’re doing here. This is a dumb, goddamn idea.” Always their tradition in bug reporting was that they assigned 2 numbers to every bug, not one.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Priority and severity.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So priority is how important do you believe it is that we fix this bug.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And severity is how bad is the bug.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So you may have a severity, like… You know, you may have a bug whose severity you consider to be extraordinary.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It deletes all files on the computer when this happens.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
The computer is bricked.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
But you can still be assigned a very low priority if, for some reason, either the frequency or the fact that it only installs on kiosks or something, you don’t think that’s a big deal…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Right? In their fucked up specificity-oriented. Instead of thinking through how people will actually use this system, they’re good to have, both piece of information.
Jeff:
Alright, yep.
Casey:
Not a good idea but that is what they did.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So this is called Microsoft Prize Zero because they went, I believe in reverse order. So priority zero is the highest priority. Priority 5 is the lowest or something like his. It’s been a long time since [inaudible 58:08]
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Anyway, point being, in article, the headline of which is “Microsoft Vendor accused of taking upskirt photos placed on home monitoring.”
Jeff:
Oh…
Casey:
Now, I have trouble parsing this sentence, “Microsoft Vendor accused of taking upskirt photos,” is one thing.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
That is the person.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
They have been placed on home monitoring.
Jeff:
Oh, I see.
Casey:
Meaning, the person themselves has been putting their home and monitored as part of their punishment.
Jeff:
I wouldn’t mind putting Microsoft [ on home monitoring ] so just in general…
Casey:
Like, keep this [inaudible 58:45]
Jeff:
After, we don’t let you release anything…
Casey:
No, no, no, no, no.
Jeff:
Until 6 months…
Casey:
You don’t go outside…
Jeff:
Yeah. It’s court-monitored…
Casey:
You don’t talk to the neighbors. Yeah, it’s court-monitored.
Jeff:
Somebody [inaudible 58:54] and goes, “Are you serious?”
Casey:
There’s, like, an ankle bracelet. Like, if it gets into Search, it starts beeping and you’re like, “Get out of there. Get out.”
Jeff:
“Pull out.”
Casey:
“You don’t belong in here. You don’t know what you’re doing. Shit’s gonna go down,” right, it’s like a pedophile at the playground. Pedophile at the playground, bring him back. Nothing good is gonna happen when you start writing a search engine, folks. Nothing good. Alright, this is kind of disturbing if you are a woman who works at Microsoft, I would say.
Jeff:
What does it mean Microsoft Vendor? Does it mean like a contractor?
Casey:
So what it says is that basically, I believe… And this is, again, stretching my remembrances of things Microsoft. I believe a Microsoft Vendor is a person who services the facilities at Microsoft.
Jeff:
I see. Okay.
Casey:
So… And again, like I say, I can’t fucking remember. This may be totally wrong…
Jeff:
Food janitors…
Casey:
No, not necessarily. It could be like the person who brings drinks, to stock the drink kiosk and shit, right…
Jeff:
Okay. To re-tap the beer, right? To get more beer for the beer tap. Alright.
Casey:
That’s what I seem to remember.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
And it doesn’t really say… I can’t see anything here that really explains what that is but… So I could be very wrong about that and I apologize [inaudible 60:05] But point being, what I do pretty much know for sure is a Microsoft Vendor is not a stock Microsoft employee.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Is not someone who is developing Windows as an employee. It’s a different thing.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
But either way… So this person apparently was taking upskirt photos by… And I’m reading between the lines here because it doesn’t quite explicitly say but it sounds like what he was doing was taking a camera…
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Which I assume was a small camera…
Jeff:
It’s like a Canon ID, huge thing, and he’s like, looking around. He puts this huge thing… Alright.
Casey:
Yeah, right. Yeah. I believe he was sort of surreptitiously placing the camera, like, on the sidewalk, in the sidewalk where people would be entering the building or something.
Jeff:
Okay, right.
Casey:
So that as they walked by, you would get a shot up the skirt or whatever you were trying to do exactly.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
As opposed to him, like, trying to sneak it… Like, he’s not there. He just puts the camera down then he comes back later and claims it.
Jeff:
I mean, this is Microsoft, so they’re usually not upskirts. They’re usually, up-cargo shorts…
Casey:
Pants or something…
Jeff:
Yes, but, alright…
Casey:
So, I don’t know exactly how that goes but point being… It says here, “Raymundo was charged…” Raymundo is the guys name.
Jeff:
Raymundo?
Casey:
Raymundo.
Jeff:
Awesome.
Casey:
No, it’s Leonard David Raymundo. The last name is Raymundo.
Jeff:
Raymundo.
Casey:
Raymundo.
Jeff:
Raymundo…
Casey:
“I would very much like to look up of your skirt.”
Jeff:
“I would very much like it if you…”
Casey:
No, but his name is Leonard which does not sound…
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
You were trying to go, like, the classical flare but Leonard… Leonard just sounds Leonard. “Raymundo was charged March 28th with 2 counts of voyeurism. He has no criminal history but a King County prosecutor noted in charging documents that Raymundo’s actions of filming unsuspecting females were prolific…”
Jeff:
Oh, okay.
Casey:
So apparently, this is not [inaudible 61:51] “And that there were 86 video images…”
Jeff:
86?!
Casey:
Video images… I don’t know. Wouldn’t they just call that video? I don’t know. “86 video images recovered with 93 different…”
Jeff:
Was it 3 seconds of video or 86 videos?
Casey:
86 videos.
Jeff:
Because, like, video images at 30 frames a second, you’re gonna burn through 80 awfully quick.
Casey:
86 videos is I think what they’re trying to say.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Remember, this is Microsoft. They don’t know technology.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
So they don’t know what video images… These video images the kids post on Snapchat…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“There were 86 video images recovered with 93 different unidentified female victims on the videos.”
Jeff:
So they went and got his computer at home?
Casey:
I guess.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
I’m not sure. So basically, what happened was he “was caught after another vendor employee walking on Microsoft’s Redmond campus found a video camera lying on a footpath, saw that the camera included upskirt videos,” so he, like, picked it up and was like, “Huh, what’s on this?” Pushes the review button and is like, “Whoa!”
Jeff:
Okay, who does that?
Casey:
I don’t know.
Jeff:
Just as a side thing, who…
Casey:
“And reported the incident to Microsoft security.”
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
You’re saying it’s a frame-up job? Is that what you’re saying? Are trying to say…
Jeff:
I don’t know. This seems like vendor on vendor crime.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Because he’s a vendor. Maybe he’s trying to push out ol’ Raymundo who was a lockdown on…
Casey:
So interestingly enough, I’ll point this out to you…
Jeff:
I mean, aside from the fact that all these vendors are using more tech than most Microsoft people are using… They’re like, “What? Using a video camera? Alright.”
Casey:
They’re like, “A camera? Holy shit. There’s a camera small enough you can put it on a footpath? All I got is this thing.” And he pulls out, like, a reel to reel. It’s got, like, fucking actual film. And he’s like, “We’ve been working on getting the capture down to 3 hours. Microsoft Movie Maker.” No, so basically, as far as I can tell… I mean, yeah, it’s just a case of somebody had, like… He had a thing going. He had figured out a way to get this going. He had a system. But what he did not count on was this other eagle-eyed vendor…
Jeff:
Guys make a system. Guys do a system…
Casey:
It was like… They got a system but the system had a fatal flaw, Jeff.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
It had a fatal flaw. What he needed here was some encryption technology. Cameras need encryption technology. If you’re gonna be taking upskirts, you can’t just have somebody come by with no passcode and fucking see the goods, literally.
Jeff:
The arrest was somewhat awkward, too, I think. Where he runs away…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Is that [inaudible 64:04]
Casey:
If we’re viewing surveillance videos of the pathway where the video camera was found… So Microsoft also has cameras on this [inaudible 64:12]
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So here’s a question, how come… Where’s that prosecution? They’re filming all these women walking in. There’s 93, just ‘cos they weren’t upskirt… They’re down-blouse.
Jeff:
It’s down-skirt or down-blouses… Yeah.
Casey:
Or whatever, right? They’re doing down the… Yeah. Upskirt, down-skirt… I mean, who’s to say? Well, down-top. Anyway, “A short time later, the same man…” Oh wait, sorry, I missed it. “Security officers saw footage of a woman exiting a campus building with a man walking right behind her. A short time later, the same man was caught on camera rushing back toward the building appearing ‘nervous, frantically looking around,’ according to court documents. The man then used his card key to enter the building; Microsoft security used the card key log to identify the man as Raymundo, the court document says.”
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
So caught by keyless entry.
Jeff:
Right, they did a Microsoft Sequel Server Query.
Casey:
Right, right.
Jeff:
It probably took 20 or 30 minutes. It came back and it said Raymundo. I would not trust that data, by the way.
Casey:
No, I would not.
Jeff:
I think Raymundo. . .
Casey:
I think you could have that thrown out.
Jeff:
Yeah, just say it was Microsoft Server and then like. . . Yeah, we’ve been there. Yeah. That’s the thing that comes with Visual Studio and it goes. . . Yeah. 10 of them.
Casey:
So. . . Well, what I would’ve done is for the first, obviously, I would’ve subpoena-d the whole logs and I would’ve pointed out that every key card had registered as Raymundo for the past 17 days. Like, it’s just like, “Everyone’s listed as Raymundo here. It’s number zero. You didn’t fill out the field.” It just happened to be vendor zero so it’s always Raymundo entering the building but it wasn’t actually him.
Jeff:
There’s that awesome story. What’s the guy’s name that ran NT?
Casey:
Dave Cuttler?
Jeff:
Cuttler. Shit. I think it was Cuttler.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
I’m gonna get this wrong.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Anyway, the. . .
Casey:
If you do, Sean Barrett will take care of it for you.
Jeff:
Yeah. I don’t know if this is a public. . . How public this story is for fact checking but there was a very bigwig at Microsoft and I think it was Cuttler. . .
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Who got stopped at the desk. And like, “I’m sorry, sir. I need to see your ID.” And he’s like, “I’m David fucking Cuttler,” and he lost his shit.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Like, he was so angry. . . ‘Cos he didn’t bring his key card or whatever he got. And so, the entire rest of the time, they kept a picture of Cuttler at every security desk. . .
Casey:
Are you serious?
Jeff:
Just to be, like, “This guy gets in. Don’t give him any shit.”
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Because he lost his mind. ‘Cos he had a temper always, anyway.
Casey:
Yes, he definitely had a temper, that I have heard. So what you’re basically saying is that if you were trying to sneak on. Like, let’s say. . .
Jeff:
Like, one of those Mission Impossible masks of Cuttler?
Casey:
Oh, no. That’s not what I was thinking. I was thinking, like, you know how you carry the little bush in front of you, like you got a little shrub. It’d just be a little cut-out of Dave Cuttler and you’re like, shimmying by and you’re like, “Oh, I’m in a bad mood. David Cuttler. Going to my office.”
Jeff:
“Oh, gonna be fixing that NT.”
Casey:
“Windows 128. Windows 256. I’m getting the bit-count up.”
Jeff:
Yeah. Here’s what I had to think when I read that article. . .
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Let’s say you’re some young journalist.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Just graduated. . .
Casey:
Well, I can tell you who that is, actually. It’s Sarah Jean Green.
Jeff:
Okay, so Sarah. . .
Casey:
No, it’s not. I take it back. She contributed.
Jeff:
Oh, okay.
Casey:
The byline is actually Janet I. Tu.
Jeff:
Alright. So Janet I. Tu? What does that mean?
Casey:
Janet I. Tu, her last name is Tu.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
But her middle name is something I.
Jeff:
So you are a young journalist. You’ve just graduated from school, 4 years of school.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
You’ve learned a lot about journalistic ethics and this. . .
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
And you land a job at the Seattle Times. . .
Casey:
So you’re basically saying. . . If you’ve learned a lot about journalism and ethics, then I guess. . . So you’re not TV material. That’s what. . . You’re not TV material. You’re going to work at a newspaper.
Jeff:
So you’re like, “Alright.” You’re going. You get this job to work for a newspaper. And then they say, “Here’s the thing. I’m gonna give you one of our prime assignments.”
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
“One of the major employers in the [inaudible 68:01] area, you’re gonna follow them. You’re gonna keep track of them. You’re gonna spend some time. You’re gonna do some digging. . .”
Casey:
Right. “You are gonna. . .”
Jeff:
“You’re gonna really get into the. . .”
Casey:
“You’re gonna really get up that skirt of this company, if you will.”
Jeff:
Right. And you’re like, “Oh, I start learning about tech? This is gonna be great.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And then you land the first fucking story that breaks.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
It’s, like, “This has nothing to do. . . I mean, barely to do with technology at all.”
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And even then, it happened at Microsoft but there’s not a lot of Microsoft-oriented stuff.
Casey:
I don’t even know. . . Okay. You’re. . .
Jeff:
What I’m saying is if you got this job and you’re like, “I’m gonna write about a tech titan.”
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And then, like, you’re handed the story of the upskirt. . .
Casey:
If I may. . .
Jeff:
I would be very depressed is what I’m saying.
Casey:
I feel like you are coming at this down-blouse instead of upskirt.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
You are coming at it the wrong way around for purposes of Raymundo’s videotaping.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
If you are doing this job today, you’re praying for an upskirt. . . The other shit you’re covering is the new CEO who said that it was gonna be a Cloud-first and mobile-first. Like, you’re covering people who don’t even know that only one thing can be first.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
That is, like, where you’re at, right? And so, you’re just praying for something as interesting as an upskirt.
Jeff:
Messaging cloud-based middleware. . .
Casey:
You’re like, “They’re just people spouting shit they don’t know anything about that doesn’t mean anything.” They’re just like, “We’re driving derivative values for our customers in new, emerging industries so that they can be more productive in their cloud-based mobile environment.” And you’re like. . .
Jeff:
“Give me an upskirt.”
Casey:
“Whatever. I’m like, up the skirt. Let’s get up the skirt and let’s forget what you said ever happened,” right?
Jeff:
I see. That’s totally possible. I think they should’ve really called this up-cargo pant because that’s what’s going on.
Casey:
It’s mostly dudes in cargo pants, you think?
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Dockers? A lot of tan Dockers on that campus.
Casey:
Alright. I don’t know who works at Microsoft anymore.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Everyone I ever knew who worked at Microsoft left.
Jeff:
I still know some people.
Casey:
You do?
Jeff:
You know a couple.
Casey:
I do?
Jeff:
Sure, Chaz. . .
Casey:
Oh, fuck. Yeah, Chaz does work there.
Jeff:
Anyway.
Casey:
He didn’t. . . He went back.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
“They keep sucking me back in.”
Jeff:
Alright. Oh, my God. Yeah, that’s not a good.
Casey:
I have to look up that quote. Apparently no one ever said, “They keep sucking me back in.” It’s something way weaker than that. It’s just like, “I tried to get out. I end up back in.” It’s something very innocuous and somehow, like, “They keep sucking. . .”
Jeff:
It’s from Godfather 3.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I thought he said. . .
Casey:
No, it’s 2. It’s not 3. It’s 1 or 2. It’s not 3.
Jeff:
I thought it was 3.
Casey:
I don’t think so.
Jeff:
Yeah, ‘cos 3 is the one. . . Yeah, I would bet on 3 but. . .
Casey:
I thought it was 1.
Jeff:
If I had to pick [ some amount of money ], I’d pick 3.
Casey:
Really? Who said it? Who do you think said it?
Jeff:
Pacino. I thought it was him as an old man, like. . . And then he gets pulled back in.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
But, yeah. . . That’s gonna be totally wrong. It doesn’t matter.
Casey:
You’re correct. . . I’m pretty sure. . .
Jeff:
I mean, I would say all this. . .
Casey:
I’m pretty sure you’re correct on Pacino. I think that’s who they attributed it to. So maybe it is 3.
Jeff:
Yeah. I thought it was. . . Well, who knows? This is one of those things where it’s like, “It was ‘Casino’. And it was Robert De Niro.” And you’re like, “Oh, fuck.”
Casey:
No, it was “The Godfather”.. It was Al Pacino but I don’t remember which one.
Jeff:
3 is not very good.
Casey:
I thought 3 was the one that no one cared about so it’s weird that that would be the quoted one, don’t you think? Don’t you think it would have to be 1 or 2?
Jeff:
Well, that was well into the Pacino crazy, overacting, like. . . And so, he says it particularly crazy.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So. . .
Casey:
Well. . .
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Anyway. . .
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
That concludes, I think, our sexual deviances. . .
Jeff:
That cleans up all the deviancy in the topics file which is nice because we’ve had that stacking up.
Casey:
Well, I don’t know. It doesn’t clean up all of it but, okay.
Jeff:
No? Shit.
Casey:
Somebody. . . We had. . . Somebody sent in some shit. If we really went to the whole topics pile, it was like, “Man gets hit in the face by dildo at party,” or something. . . There’s shit. There’s plenty of ridiculous shit in the topics pile. I don’t know if we’ll get to it but we get links. People send us links.
Jeff:
We get links.
Casey:
They’re not always high quality links that we get in the mail, folks. If you have low quality links that you would like us to review. . .
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
That you would like to put us in a. . . If you would like to get up the skirt of the Jeff & Casey Show and make us cover a link that would make us uncomfortable, you are welcome to send that...
Jeff:
Now, they could also be like. . . The other way to look at it is you could give us a topic for us to go upskirt on.
Casey:
So you are sending us the skirt and we are going to go up it for you.
Jeff:
And just document and stuff. . .
Casey:
Alright. If you have a skirt that you would like us to go up in a way that hopefully will not land us in home monitoring, make sure you send those links to Podcast@JeffAndCaseyShow.com.
Jeff:
That’s right.
Casey:
And we will get our GoPro, or whatever the fuck he was using, down on the sidewalk and look right on up there.
Jeff:
That’s not extreme enough for a GoPro. GoPro would be like. . .
Casey:
Extreme upskirt.
Jeff:
You would just be hooked to some sort of, like, slingshot and it just shoots up the skirt and. . .
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Those get caught really fast.
Casey:
Okay. Alright.
Jeff:
Alright. Hey, thanks, everybody.
Casey:
Thank you for tuning in.
Jeff:
And we will see you next week.
Casey:
We will see you next week.
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casey muratori
the jeff and casey show - season 4 - episode 15
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