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The Technician
No Imperfections Noted
The Jeff and Casey Show
Jeff and Casey Time
Casey Muratori
Seattle, WA
Free Willy and Moby Dick
"Whale binge drinking is a huge problem in this country."
Original air date: April 21st, 2014
Topics. SeaWorld. Blackstone. Annheiser-Busch. Blackfish. Free Willy. Moby Dick. The Surfrider. Swim-up bars. Blowhole stands. Frats. Hazing. Pledge week. Fratfish. The Annheiser-Busch Hospitality Hut. Fake IDs. Buying liquor. Coccaine. The Whale of Wall Street. Penny stocks. Plankton stocks. Qualudes. Exploding whales. Animal testing. Evolution. Bears. Cougars. Serial killers. Aurora avenue. Free pool. Free wireless. Motels. Adult whale of an alcoholic. The whale abuse cycle. OSHA. SeaQuest DSV. The Asylum. Sherlock Holmes. Irena Adler. Third Love. Bras. Bra measurements. The Asian Boob Machine. cupmasters.net. Sean Parker. Victoria’s Secret. Fetishes. The Internet of Things. The NSA.
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Transcript
Jeff:
I don’t like this new action.
Casey:
It’s not new. It’s old. Oh, my God. That was classic.
Jeff:
There we go.
Casey:
The MegaTimer … I love the fact that the MegaTimer has come back. I think this is $50 well spent. And I say that primarily because it’s your money that was spent. I might be a little worried about the $50 but since someone else spent the $50, I’m very glad that they did.
Jeff:
It’s so shiny and blue right now.
Casey:
It is.
Jeff:
It’s not color faded.
Casey:
No it isn’t.
Jeff:
It’s ready to go. Yeah. So we are, today…
Casey:
Are you gonna welcome people to the Jeff & Casey Show.
Jeff:
Oh, I’m sorry. Yes. dHey, everybody. Welcome to the Jeff & Casey Show.
Casey:
Hello, and welcome to the Jeff & Casey… You’re getting slow on the draw there.
Jeff:
Season 4 Episode 10-ish…
Casey:
We think.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Who knows?
Jeff:
We don’t know.
Casey:
You can never tell.
Jeff:
What we’re gonna talk about today was shown to be in New York by a friend…
Casey:
You don’t know what we’re talking about today. That’s the whole thing.
Jeff:
I do know what we’re talking about.
Casey:
No, because this was the whole thing, getting back to our roots, multiple topics…
Jeff:
The roots?
Casey:
Usually we have an hour…
Jeff:
I see. Okay.
Casey:
And we used to go through as many topics as we can.
Jeff:
Are we gonna do this topic first, though?
Casey:
I don’t know. You know, here’s what I will say. We have to address some past business, perhaps, just right off the bat.
Jeff:
Okay. Alright. Tell me.
Casey:
Because if you remember a couple podcasts ago…
Jeff:
These SweeTarts are really tart today.
Casey:
You like those SweeTarts?
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
A little to tart for you?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I’ve got the M&M's here.
Jeff:
[inaudible 1:29]
Casey:
Alright, here’s the thing.
Jeff:
Stop it. Okay.
Casey:
A few podcasts ago, you educated me because I had never been to the magic… I’ve never experienced the magical wonderland that is Sea World. I’d never been.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You explained to me that it was…
Jeff:
I found videos online of parrots riding bicycles.
Casey:
Oh, did you?
Jeff:
Uh-huh.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
It was awesome.
Casey:
You explained to me that it was not, in fact, it was just, whatever, anything goes…
Jeff:
Semi-aquatic…
Casey:
It’s just everything… There’s camels, you said, all these sorts of things. Now, what we said on that show at some point during it, we said something like the primary thing of Sea World is just “I need something to do with my kids”. That’s what we said, right? And we hypothesized that perhaps they should just give out hard alcohol on your way into the park.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Matt Cornell, of course, my friend from childhood… I had known him not my whole life…
Jeff:
He’s from San Diego, the home of Sea World.
Casey:
He’s from San Diego, the home of Sea World. He has 3 children. He has to go to Sea World for exactly this purpose which is “I have a bunch of kids. We need something to do.” He wrote in to say, “You guys don’t know… You’ve not done your research.”
Jeff:
That’s not surprising.
Casey:
“Not only is Sea World totally aware of the fact that the adults need some alcohol to get through this day but they have placed the Anheuser-Busch Hospitality Hut right at the entrance.”
Jeff:
Whoa!
Casey:
So as you come into the park, much as we’re sort of hypothesizing, you actually can get your alcohol right away.
Jeff:
Okay. You can get pre-inebriated.
Casey:
Pre-inebriated. In fact, he said, “That almost happens here at Sea World San Diego. The entrance is right next to the Anheuser-Busch Hospitality Hut so you have to walk past the beer den on your way in.”
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
That interested me. I’m like, “I want some more information about this.”
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
I want some more information about inebriating these parents so that they can deal with their children. It turns out… I had no idea that this was true. It turns out, A, for a time being, beer was free at Sea World.
Jeff:
Whoa! No way!
Casey:
There was a beer sampling thing where you just went and you got 10 free beer samples. So they were like… It was exactly what we were talking about. They’re just going, “Here you go. We know you guys need this. Here’s some beer, try to take the edge off the day with the kids.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
That was happening.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
But the reason why it was happening is ‘cos Sea World, up until 2009, is owned by Anheuser-Busch.
Jeff:
What? Really?
Casey:
So Sea World is actually like a beer-owned theme park. Now, in 2009, they sold it to Blackstone. They spun it off.
Jeff:
Blackstone?
Casey:
The financial group. I believe the name is Blackstone. I can’t remember. I don’t care. It doesn’t matter.
Jeff:
This was not in Blackfish. They did not talk about the Anheuser-Busch connection and whether that fish was maybe drinking himself, a little… I mean, that whale…
Casey:
Here’s the thing…
Jeff:
That’s a horrifying show. By the way, I saw fucking Blackfish in New York. It was like 109 degrees, 8,000% humidity. We’re like, “We need to do something.” And Dawn’s like, “We’ll go to a movie. How about this Blackfish?” I’m like, “Sure. Whatever. As long as there’s air-conditioning.”
Casey:
’Cos you don’t know what that is.
Jeff:
Know. I did not know what it was. This was a year ago or more when it was… It hadn’t even gone to… Now, it’s pretty big. Everybody knows it.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
This was when it was still kind of running around the film festivals.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And I was like, “Oh, orcas. Let’s go see Blackfish.”
Casey:
Oh, you’re thinking animal links. In your mind, you’re like, “This is gonna be great. I’m gonna see the orcas. They’re gonna run around…”
Jeff:
Yes. And it was not bad. In fact, most of it… I mean, obviously, these animals are doing horrible things…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
But it’s mostly a story just about an evil corporation that tries to hide this and the… I mean…
Casey:
Anheuser-Busch, exactly.
Jeff:
You read like, “Oh, hey, this orca has killed 3 trainers before.”
Casey:
Oh.
Jeff:
And so you’re like, “Oh, okay. That’s crazy. It’s 3…” They then show the OSHA report book and it is, like, half a foot thick and he’s flipping through it — Broken arm, ripped off ponytail… They’re just horrible. And the trainers are, like… They get trained, in some cases, for like a month and they’re in the tank.
Casey:
Oh, they’re not like…
Jeff:
They’re not…
Casey:
Professionals…
Jeff:
They’re not…
Casey:
This is not like a marine biologist?
Jeff:
No. They’re 20-year old kids…
Casey:
They’re fodder, is what you’re saying, basically.
Jeff:
Making $10 an hour. They’re bait, right.
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
So anyway, that’s the big…
Casey:
See, when I hear Blackfish, I think racist performance fish. Like, I’m thinking that it’s like a dolphin who is, like, making fun of the whale by painting itself black or something like this. And it’s like, it’s now fallen out of favor because it’s considered racist, not politically correct. That’s what I’m thinking.
Jeff:
No. This was not a racist mammal.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
This was just… Basically, it was a whale that was in the Pacific Northwest, not far from here…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Raised by a really bad, very small tank, do stupid tricks taught, fed them poorly, had a bad childhood… No, seriously… And grew up to be a very damaged animal.
Casey:
Okay. Well, if I may…
Jeff:
But that’s not the thing…
Casey:
[ I would ] add something to your story…
Jeff:
But that’s not the thing. Most of the thing is about, like, Sea World knowing that this animal [ did that ] and then keep…
Casey:
You don’t understand. You’re not reading between the lines here at all. I just told you that there is an alcohol problem at this park.
Jeff:
Oh, I see.
Casey:
So not only is this a case of orca abuse, it’s like… The parents were drinking. It is like an alcoholic abusive parent. It is like no wonder…
Jeff:
Do you think they were feeding, like, Bud Light to the orcas?
Casey:
I’m sure the orca probably grew up addicted…
Jeff:
They were drunk?
Casey:
Yeah. Exactly.
Jeff:
Oh, my God.
Casey:
It’s probably a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Orca kind of situation, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Where you’ve got this orca, eats pretty nice, it’s normally fairly nice, seems like a nice orca, oh, flap, flap, “Give me the fish.” It’s like…
Jeff:
Well, so the alcohol is just like the gateway drugs to other, like, meth-whale?
Casey:
Exactly, meth-whale… Meth-whale’s really bad. You have no idea what’s going on.
Jeff:
And then, meth-whale’s bad…
Casey:
You have no idea what’s going on.
Jeff:
[ You know how much copper pipe a whale can steal ]?
Casey:
A lot…
Jeff:
He can pull a lot…
Casey:
That’s right. It just opens up and swallows SUV’s and then just like…
Jeff:
Great big…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Spindles of wire…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And then takes them back to his house and sets them down.
Casey:
It’s not Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. It’s Free Willy and Moby Dick, right? It’s like he gets a few drinks in him and all of a sudden, it’s like, “Call me Ishmael,” like, there’s just like… He’s wrecking entire ships or whatever…
Jeff:
Well, there’s also…
Casey:
He gets home late at night. He’s in at the Whale Club…
Jeff:
Whenever I go to a fancy hotel that has a pool and a beach-side situation so you could be aquatic…
Casey:
What is a beach-side situation?
Jeff:
Like a hotel like in Hawaii or in Aruba or something where it’s like, a resort hotel…
Casey:
Okay. With the Surf Rider…
Jeff:
Yes. So you go to these pools and they have the bars at one end of the pool…
Casey:
Yes, they do.
Jeff:
So they could just do that for the orcas and it’s like a sort of orca bar and he can just have, like, those frozen margaritas or…
Casey:
Pour it in my blow hole. It’s a blow hole stand. It’s a blow hole stand. They take a big… They kind of pour that in there…
Jeff:
Yeah, no. I had not thought about the fact that the orcas were probably drunk. Yeah.
Casey:
It’s probably like a sex-crazed rompe There’s probably all these live young dolphins in there… And that they swim up blow hole to blow hole like…
Jeff:
Well, probably… I think it’s more like the 6-foot…
Casey:
They do the alcohol from one blow hole to the other kind of thing.
Jeff:
I think you’ve got the corporate owners here, Anheuser-Busch, that runs it…
Casey:
Right. Used to run it…
Jeff:
And then on the weekends, the orcas are like, “Hey, the parents are out of town.” And then they’re like, “Woo!” And it’s like a crazy party at Sea World…
Casey:
It’s less drunken parent, we’ve probably gone into frat orca…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It’s like orca frat.
Jeff:
And then, you get frat orcas…
Casey:
And the hazing…
Jeff:
And it’s no wonder that somebody’s getting hurt, right?
Casey:
Absolutely. In fact, here’s the question. . . This is the question I have…
Jeff:
They should have been called Frat Fish…
Casey:
I was gonna say, it should be called Frat Fish. And I feel like the documentarians, if they had been doing their job, I want to know how many of these trainer deaths happen during pledge week?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
How many happen during pledge week? This is entirely possible that, like, it was a trainer hazing gone too far kind of situation, right? That’s what I would say.
Jeff:
Well, I think also they do the thing where they put the pledges through a series of training things to prove to you that you should be in the frat, right?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So they probably have them do escalating dares like can you jump over the fence in the dolphin things…
Casey:
Right. Yes, exactly.
Jeff:
[inaudible 11:00] some dolphins…
Casey:
Right, exactly…
Jeff:
And it just gets out of hand really quickly.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And then the parents are called. There’s puke in the big tank.
Casey:
Right. And of course, there’s always the, like… There’s one whale that’s pretty upstanding and he’s the one who they send to swim down to the Anheuser-Busch Hospitality Hut to buy the liquor ‘cos you know he can pull it off. He’s just like, “Oh, I’m just buying some…” He’s over 21.
Jeff:
He has just this great big fake ID with his huge face and he’s sitting there and he’s standing there…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And then it says he’s from…
Casey:
Hawaii…
Jeff:
The Pacific Northwest or somewhere, out of town somewhere… And then they’re like, “Look, dude, it’s obvious. What’s your birthday?” And then he sweats it out, thinking he can do it…
Casey:
He gets a homeless whale to go back in and buy…
Jeff:
To go back in and buy it for them. And you can have some of the blow hole drinks…
Casey:
[inaudible 11:51]
Jeff:
And no, I think they make way more sense now…
Casey:
This guy [inaudible 11:53] kinda ragged…
Jeff:
No, I think that makes way more sense.
Casey:
[inaudible 11:57] So I just…
Jeff:
’Cos whale binge drinking is a huge problem in this country.
Casey:
Yeah, and when a whale goes on a drinking binge, you’re talking about a lot of cubic centimeters…
Jeff:
It’s totally true.
Casey:
That is a very large intake. Now, I’m glad we got that out of the way.
Jeff:
So they are inebriating the parents, they are inebriating the whales…
Casey:
This whole thing is a disaster. They are inebriating… Everyone’s drunk and everyone…
Jeff:
The parents are drunk…
Casey:
And it’s going… Now, it’s going down further down the tank, the… I don’t know what you call it… The whirlpool…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
They sold it to a financial company.
Jeff:
Oh, God.
Casey:
So pretty soon, these whales are gonna be on coke. I mean, these whales are going from a bad situation to a really bad situation. You’re gonna have OD…
Jeff:
It’s the Whale of Wall Street.
Casey:
Beached whales… That’s probably what beached whales are. They’re coked out… The Whale of Wall Street, I like that.
Jeff:
It’s true. He says like… Yeah, you get in there. All the whales are in a conference room. They’re all undoing that stupid… ‘Cos when you’re selling penny stocks to other whales…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It’s a high [ stress level ]…
Casey:
You’re selling plankton stocks.
Jeff:
Yeah. And you just know they’re really not worth anything…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
But you get this great commission, right?
Casey:
Exactly.
Jeff:
So that high pressure situation needs something to take the edge off.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So you need Quaaludes…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
To bring it down…
Casey:
’Cos at some point, everything’s coming out the blow hole.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
You gotta do something to kinda keep yourself under control.
Jeff:
So, yeah. I mean you need Quaaludes to cut it off. You need coke in the morning to get you going.
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
And it’s a spiraling death thing.
Casey:
It is. It’s totally true.
Jeff:
I’ve not thought about that. That’s probably gonna be way worse in a couple years.
Casey:
I would imagine.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I would imagine because I feel like [ we haven’t ] been exposed to these things yet.
Jeff:
Also, when you have the situation of another crash, which I believe we’re headed for… And those whales start jumping off buildings…
Casey:
[ It’s like ocean… Fishery… ]
Jeff:
It’s gonna be a huge mess in [ Wall Street ]…
Casey:
That’s probably true. Executive parachute’s not gonna do shit for them.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
You need, like…
Jeff:
A huge whale falls down…
Casey:
How many of those have you got strapped on a while before that’s gonna happen?
Jeff:
Blubber everywhere.
Casey:
Totally true. And when those things explode… We know that they explode. We know that the whales explode, okay…
Jeff:
I’ve watched many videos of whales explode…
Casey:
Whales exploding…
Jeff:
You could get a whole YouTube channel on exploding whales.
Casey:
You could. Probably someone has. Alright, moving on…
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
I’m glad that we’ve gotten that straightened out.
Jeff:
That’s terrifying.
Casey:
Thank you for writing in and letting us know because I would never have known about this. There is no Sea World in Seattle.
Jeff:
The only thing worse at this point would be if Blackstone sold them to Amgen or something.
Casey:
Amgen?
Jeff:
They do genetic medical research.
Casey:
Oh, God.
Jeff:
Then they can start testing on the whales…
Casey:
Oh, God.
Jeff:
And we can get some, like, whales that can walk around among us…
Casey:
Oh, you’re talking about mutating the whales. I thought you meant testing like, “Oh, we sprayed this Johnson & Johnson bath oil…”
Jeff:
Oh, no. They do that all the time.
Casey:
Okay. Now that’s just…
Jeff:
Yeah, they get it loaded up and then they spray hair spray right in the blow hole, just spray it right down there. No…
Casey:
Basically, here’s our testing practice. If it doesn’t come back out the blow hole, it would sink.
Jeff:
It’s fine.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So no, I’m more worried about, like…
Casey:
Okay… Whales growing weird…
Jeff:
You know, some weird crossbreed…
Casey:
You’re talking about back in the old days evolution, when the fish walked upon land, you’re thinking that’s gonna happen with a whale. A whale’s gonna grow some legs… It’s gonna walk off the ocean…
Jeff:
And then just walk around. Yeah.
Casey:
And just hang out. Then it can just be sitting at the Anheuser-Busch Hospitality Hut.
Jeff:
Well, no. When you say like cougars or black bears…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Whose habitats are being encroached upon by the humans, then they start walked around the neighborhoods and the people [ are like, “What do we do with these? I’ve got bear in my garbage and these cougars just walking down the street…”
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
You see these pictures of them.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
If a fucking whale was walking down a cul-de-sac or something, that’s a huge… You can’t hide behind the sliding glass door when the whale walks in.
Casey:
No, and it’s not like other fishes…
Jeff:
And that’s a whale… What if he’s on drugs?
Casey:
So you go… Right, drugged up, drunken whale…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It’s fucked up.
Jeff:
Alright. Sorry…
Casey:
It’s fine. So…
Jeff:
Thank you, Matt.
Casey:
Yes. We owe a huge debt of gratitude because, like I said, no Sea World in Seattle. I never experienced this unless, I suppose maybe sometime if I’m in San Diego.
Jeff:
Yeah, I mean, seriously, don’t go to Sea World. It’s an evil fucking place. But…
Casey:
Are there more than one Sea World? Is there one in Orlando, too, or whatever?
Jeff:
Yeah. They’re actually a big… So part of the problem was you had this bad whale. It was killing people and it’s done it multiple times…
Casey:
This is serious. This is not a hypothetical fact… It’s a real…
Jeff:
It’s a serial…
Casey:
Serial killer whale.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Was it from the Pacific Northwest?
Jeff:
It was from here.
Casey:
’Cos all the serial killers are from here… So basically, this serial killer… What this is…
Jeff:
If there prostitute whales, this would have been killing so many whales.
Casey:
Okay. This whale was from Aurora Avenue…
Jeff:
Yeah. Basically on Highway 99…
Casey:
It was like, swimming down the street… It was like…
Jeff:
Looking for trouble…
Casey:
Picks up a prostitute whale, goes to one of those motels that’s like free cable, HBO included or whatever the fuck… Pay by the hour…
Jeff:
Free pool, hopefully.
Casey:
Free pool.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Yeah, that’s a good point, free pool. Here’s the thing. Any place that advertises free pool and they don’t… Like, the L has fallen down a little bit… Like, if 100% of the letters in “Free Pool” are not properly aligned to one vertical line…
Jeff:
Then don’t go…
Casey:
You don’t want to swim in that pool. I’m gonna go ahead and say that one rule is the letters of “Free Pool” must be, A, all the same color… They can’t be, “Oh, it’s free pool but one of the O’s is red because they ran out of O’s or whatever…”
Jeff:
I think…
Casey:
You don’t swim in that pool.
Jeff:
I think I will go one step farther and say if your hotel advertises free pool…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You don’t want to be in that.
Casey:
Period.
Jeff:
Period.
Casey:
It doesn’t matter how well the sign… Okay…
Jeff:
No, because that’s not a hotel that has a lot of amenities. If they’re really pushing the pool, that means they’ve got nothing.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
They’ve got nothing.
Casey:
You think so?
Jeff:
Oh, yeah. That’s not a free wireless situation. Those whales are not gonna have any Facetime…
Casey:
Access to the internet?
Jeff:
Nope.
Casey:
See, I disagree. In my experience, when I have gone to whale hotels, my experience is that the shittier the hotel, the more likely there is to be free internet.
Jeff:
That’s only because they’re sharing the coffee shops next door. It’s not even their…
Casey:
If you go to an expensive hotel, if you pay $400 a night to stay at a hotel, you will be charged $20 for internet.
Jeff:
Yeah, [ that is true ].
Casey:
End of story. If you pay $80 a night to stay at a hotel, internet is included. I have never seen anything counter to that. It’s universally true.
Jeff:
I think what they’ve probably got to do…
Casey:
You pay more to get less at fancy hotels.
Jeff:
No. I think you need the distraction if you’re at an $80 hotel ‘cos if you’re in there and just looking around, you’re gonna see the bugs.
Casey:
Yeah, you’re like, “Uh-oh. This is not good.”
Jeff:
You’ll see the [ non-played up blubber ]…
Casey:
Right. Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
You’re gonna see these huge whale prints on the remote control.
Casey:
All the plankton piled up in the corner.
Jeff:
No. So anyway, there was a bad whale…
Casey:
Alright, [inaudible 19:00]
Jeff:
There was a bad whale. He hurt some people.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
They kept shipping him to other parks.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And finally, OSHA said stop doing that.
Casey:
Okay, this is literally…
Jeff:
This is like the church.
Casey:
This is literally…
Jeff:
The Catholic church, that’s what I thought of…
Casey:
Like adult whale of an alcoholic… This is frightening how well it mirrors real human abuse and cycles, right?
Jeff:
Oh, no. No. I mean, they’re mammals. We’re like… No, no…
Casey:
They’ve created a whale abuse cycle. They’re gonna fucking need a whale shelter at some point for the fucking trainers to get away from these whales.
Jeff:
So finally, OSHA was like, “No people can get in the tank with this whale period.”
Casey:
Period.
Jeff:
So they shipped it. They sold it, the whale, to not a Sea World but a sea park in Portugal or somewhere…
Casey:
Oh, man. This is the worst life…
Jeff:
They just shipped it. So they sent it there…
Casey:
This poor fucking whale.
Jeff:
And he immediately kills the trainer that they put him in with. Guy had been a young guy like just… So, yeah… It’s terrible. And so, most of the movie is actually just about, like, huge corporation, evil fucks…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
By the way… I mean, this documentary is [ really ] popular. Sea World’s way of fighting this is amazing. Go to their Twitter feed. They’re like, “Hey, Blackfish is propaganda. Don’t believe it.” You’re like, “Who’s giving you guys the social advice. Say nothing about the movie. You do not need to be saying the name of the movie on your Twitter feed.”
Casey:
Yeah. They don’t quite understand.
Jeff:
They don’t get it. Anyway, so sorry. So enough about that…
Casey:
Blackfish is on Netflix.
Jeff:
Oh, it is?
Casey:
I believe. I think I saw it up on their… I had not watched it…
Jeff:
This is [ depressing ]…
Casey:
So if our listeners want to see the show that you’re talking about, I believe if they’re Netflix subscribers, if they subscribe to Netflix…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And they have already watched the 2 shows on there that anyone watches which are like…
Jeff:
Most whales have…
Casey:
Breaking Bad and Man Men or whatever…
Jeff:
A Netflix… I think for most whales, they’d rather watch House of Cards.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
They’re just really into the political [inaudible 21:15]
Casey:
They’re in the political [ intricacy ] yeah. Now, actually, I had been watching some Netflix. What I will say is… I said 2 shows. I really meant 3 shows. Third one obviously is SeaQuest DSV. I mean, obviously our listeners should be watching that show. It’s high quality. The [inaudible 21:34] is high quality.
Jeff:
I asked… I didn’t ask but we told people to go watch it on Netflix. Steven Labelle and Terry Cavanaugh watched it…
Casey:
Really?
Jeff:
And he emailed back and he’s like, “We watched one. It was so bad Terry would not watch another.” So that’s it for…
Casey:
That’s why we have to recount them because very few people have the intestinal fortitude. I feel like… You know what, here’s the thing. You know how people always say, “What’s your superpower?” They say this. I don’t know why they say this because nobody has superpowers. But they always like to imagine that, like, what is your superpower, what makes you special.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
And so, if I were to play that game, my superpower is I love really bad stuff.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
So it’s like, “What are we gonna do?” Like, the evil genius has surrounded… He has barricaded himself in his evil lair and he has surrounded it with really bad media.
Jeff:
Huge clichés.
Casey:
And it’s like, “Who is going to save the day? Who is going to confront this evil…” Nobody is willing to wade through…
Jeff:
All this Adam Sandler…
Casey:
15 hours of… Right, of whatever… Well, no, Adam Sandler, you’re fine. Any idiot in America, send him in, right? Who is going to wade through 100% of the [ Silent ] Mockbuster Catalogue? Who is going to confront Ghost Shark, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Who is going to do these things? And the answer is me. I am going to go in there. I am going to come out the other side of that barricade refreshed. They will not know what hit them. I’ll be like the fucking Matrix. I will be dodging bullets. I’ll be…
Jeff:
It exhausts me…
Casey:
It does not exhaust me. I am ready to go. One time, I watched the Asylums — Sherlock Holmes because, of course, Sherlock Holmes came out and… You know, the reboot of Sherlock Holmes, Guy Ritchie? Is that his name?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Like, I say all the time, I don’t know movies…
Jeff:
That’s right.
Casey:
Guy Ritchie does his Sherlock Holmes with Robert Downey Junior and Jude Law and all this so it’s like high budget… You know there’s gonna be a lot of PR. So Aylums like…
Jeff:
Get in on that. It’s public domain…
Casey:
There’s nothing we like more than someone rebooting something in the public domain because that is our wheelhouse, right? Like when 20,000 Leagues of the Sea, that was [inaudible 24:05] they were like, “Thank you, Jesus.” They were like, “This is our lucky day. Coming up lucky 7.” So anyway, I watched their Sherlock Holmes mockbuster that they released on the same day that… Direct a video at the same day that the regular, Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes comes out…
Jeff:
Is that the one with robots or Hitler or something?
Casey:
Yes, it’s amazing. No, you saw the one with Hitler. That was Nazis at the Center of the Earth.
Jeff:
Oh, okay.
Casey:
Not very good. That was not a good [inaudible 24:33] winner. The Sherlock Holmes one is a bit of a [ silent winner ]. I won’t spoil the movie for you because I don’t know if that’s possible but I will simply say that I know all of the stories of Sherlock Holmes.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
I know the entire [ canon ]. And I will say I have never seen any indication that Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Moriarty were so mechanically inclined as to eventually battle it out in a giant mechanical dragon suit…
Jeff:
Wait, they fought…
Casey:
If you will, and an Iron Man suit. It was basically like steam punk Holmes versus…
Jeff:
The Iron Man has an interesting meta-thing…
Casey:
I think that was out sort of at the same time so they were like, we can get Iron Man… It’s Robert Downey Junior…
Jeff:
You’ve got this weird thing.
Casey:
Not in this film, obviously…
Jeff:
But I do not understand the Jude Law connection to the dinosaur.
Casey:
Well Jude Law was Watson, not Moriarty.
Jeff:
Oh, that’s true.
Casey:
So, I don’t know. Moriarty was not in the first Sherlock Holmes, Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes.
Jeff:
Oh, that’s right. Wait, he isn’t?
Casey:
The Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes, it was not a good film but it was less inaccurate than people thought. I saw people complaining about stuff that is not actually wrong. Like Sherlock Holmes was a very well-trained boxer.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
They didn’t go as far from Canada as people thought. It was just [ a scene in the movie ], that’s all.
Jeff:
I didn’t like the writing. I just thought…
Casey:
It just wasn’t very good, yeah.
Jeff:
They did the thing that I really hate which is the shortcut movie writing where they’re an odd couple and they joke and quip and they do any set up to do that…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
That’s just… We now have the grammar of that’s what characters are when they behave a certain way to each other, when they kind of roll their eyes at one of the things…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
And now, it’s all shortcut… That’s what I hated about the movie…
Casey:
It’s kind of interesting to look to how they treat Irena Adler in the reboot one, right, because in the original Sherlock Holmes, Irena Adler shows up almost not at all, right? There’s really no… Sherlock Holmes…
Jeff:
She’s the thief or something… Like the…
Casey:
She’s not a thief. She’s a thief now in the new ones, I believe.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
She’s made out to be a thief or something like this. I didn’t pay that close attention to that movie although I did see it. In the originals, she is just very clever.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So if I had to describe it, it’s actually… Like, if you were going to rewrite Sherlock Holmes today, you could do a much better job of this. In the originals, she is like the only woman that Sherlock Holmes really respects.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
There’s one other time where there’s a woman who plots the death of this guy… It’s not entirely true but that is the first time that he’s like, “Women aren’t shit.” He used to think that women are just dumb. They’re just like, “Fuck it. I don’t care about them. They’re not smart. Whatever.” Now, great that he doesn’t think that he doesn’t think many people are smart in general but he had particularly a bias, a sexual bias there. And the idea was that Irena Adler sort of changed his mind. I think Watson… I’m trying to remember… It’s hard for me because my favorite Sherlock Holmes are the Jeremy Brett Sherlock Holmes’ actually.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So I don’t always remember what is in the short stories versus in the show ‘cos I almost think of the show as canon ’cos I loved it so much which is not true… I mean, you know, obviously the book is the… The collections are the real ones but… In that one, Watson sort of is saying Sherlock Holmes didn’t disparage women anymore after meeting Irena. It changed his mind. He flipped the script as you might say, right?
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
But in the new one, it’s just like… No, she’s like a thieving fuck bunny. They don’t give a shit at all. They don’t try to pick up any subtlety. They’re just like, “No, she’s the hot thief. It’s fine. We just need a sex thing in here. And she’s the only fucking female mentioned in the Sherlock Holmes books. So that’s what we stuck on her. And it has no bearing to her character whatsoever.
Jeff:
I don’t remember that book, yeah.
Casey:
So that was complete garbage but, you know… Other than that… How did we get on this tangent?
Jeff:
I have no idea.
Casey:
It doesn’t matter. Speaking of sexual things, that can roll into the next… [ It can roll, ] roll forwards…
Jeff:
Into what I was gonna talk about initially…
Casey:
Into what you wanted to talk about.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
I felt like we had to get the whale thing out of the way. It was the whale in the room, if you will…
Jeff:
Yeah, just sitting there…
Casey:
That’s just sitting there. And we had to kinda blow… The whale had to blow its hole, if you will, to get it out of the way.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
What you wanted to talk about was… And you’re gonna have to take the lead on this story because I’ve never heard of this.
Jeff:
I have not heard of this, either.
Casey:
I have the page. I brought the page up here.
Jeff:
Yes. So I heard about this from a friend of Dawn and Ginger’s, [ John Mara ] and Suzie. And he explained that this is a side he’d heard about, that a friend of his was doing some of the PR for him.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And so, what it is…
Casey:
It’s called ThirdLove.com…
Jeff:
Third Love, yeah…
Casey:
Am I saying that right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Okay, Third Love. Do you know what that means?
Jeff:
Yeah, I think there’s a little tagline…
Casey:
There’s a little tagline?
Jeff:
Right here.
Casey:
Love — The style, the feel, the fit.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Now, why isn’t it called 3 Love? You know, I don’t know…
Jeff:
It doesn’t matter.
Casey:
Keep going.
Jeff:
Alright. So what this site is is it’s a site with an app…
Casey:
Alright…
Jeff:
And like in the standard way of, like, we can’t just make a site that sells stuff…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
It’s gotta have weird little tie-ins…
Casey:
It has to have an app. If you won’t have an app, you’re not for real.
Jeff:
Oh, how’s your business doing? No, no.
Casey:
Okay? Don’t come in here thinking you can just saying, “We sell…”
Jeff:
I got a thing from the hotel I’m staying out at GDC saying that you can pre-check-in. I clicked on it only… You have to download the app…
Casey:
Oh, yeah. You gotta use that app.
Jeff:
So fuck… Anyway, so Triple Love, what it is, it’s a website…
Casey:
No, no, no Third Love.
Jeff:
Third Love.
Casey:
Triple Love sounds great. I don’t know what that is.
Jeff:
Don’t go to that site.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Just keep the… Don’t infect my iPad.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
So Third Love, it is a website that sells bras…
Casey:
Okay. Yeah, I’m seeing that the picture here is it’s just like a bra with tits. There’s nothing else on this page, really.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
The woman’s face has been cropped off. You cannot see her on the page.
Jeff:
So what this site is doing, it’s selling bras.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And there are lots of boutique bra places in New York that sell bras that are custom fitted for you.
Casey:
So when you say boutique bra place, you’re talking about, okay, one of… It is not Victoria’s Secret. It is like a storefront that only [inaudible 31:34]
Jeff:
It’s a storefront that… The expression I have heard is they manhandle you to find the bra that is exactly right for you. They give you a perfect fitting bra.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
It has been custom-made and all that.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
They’re trying to do that and…
Casey:
Now, when you say manual, do you mean there is a man who’s [inaudible 31:55]
Jeff:
It’s not a man. They’re all women…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
But they get up in there… They are getting up in there.
Casey:
This sounds like a good job opportunity, right?
Jeff:
Well, hold on. We’ll talk about that…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
This is a website that’s trying to bring that same boutique bra fitting service to the internet. Now, how without the Japanese breast massage robot or some of the other devices we’ve talked about in the past on the broadcast…
Casey:
It was Chinese. The breast massage robot was not Japanese.
Jeff:
Really? It was not the Japanese…
Casey:
Now, the only reason I’m able to… Believe me, my memory is as bad as yours.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I would not have known that if I hadn’t… I just had been through season 1. The Asian boob machine, not Japanese.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
You would have thought but it was not.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
It might have been Singaporean… I’m trying to remember what it was. It was more central Asia. It was not…
Jeff:
I’m starting to feel uncomfortable, racially. So let’s move on.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So they don’t have the devices necessary to give you that manhandling in person…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
So they’ve done the next best thing…
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Which is you take this smart up, this smart phone app. You take a picture of yourself. You upload it to Third Love.
Casey:
Oh, I see.
Jeff:
And it will give you the perfect bra based on this.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Now, they do not say you should be topless.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
But you should wear a very tight-fitting shirt…
Casey:
Very tight.
Jeff:
With no bra on.
Casey:
Oh, dear.
Jeff:
So they need… And now, they have patented software…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
That they claim analyzes these photo…
Casey:
These tight t-shirt, no bra photos…
Jeff:
They’re being analyzed…
Casey:
Right, software…
Jeff:
By algorithms…
Casey:
Now, when you say patented software, are you sure you don’t mean patented business method…
Jeff:
Maybe…
Casey:
For analyzing this…
Jeff:
A different method… Then they send you the bra based on what the…
Casey:
Okay, I see.
Jeff:
Now, when I heard about this, when we were having this conversation…
Casey:
Is there something in there that’s like… Optimally, like, “For best results, we highly recommend pouring some water on the t-shirt so it can more closely conform to your measurements so that our ‘patented technology’ can see what’s going on,” if you will…
Jeff:
Right. So I had a whole bunch of questions, if you will…
Casey:
Everything about it is awesome…
Jeff:
Because when I started talking about this…
Casey:
First of all, everything about this is awesome. I’ll put that out there.
Jeff:
When we were talking about friends about this, they were like, “I would feel a little uncomfortable sending that, even though a machine is going to look at it.”
Casey:
Oh, yeah. Right.
Jeff:
I said, “Hold on. There is no machine.”
Casey:
There is no machine.
Jeff:
There is a dude in a basement that had the best idea of his life…
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
And he is never leaving that basement again.
Casey:
Yes, that’s right. Yes.
Jeff:
That basement is sticky. That basement has serious drainage problems at this point.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
He is just opening email after email after email and then typing in a few numbers that are based on a random guess by a dude…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And then it goes upstairs and then they mail you your shit.
Casey:
Now, okay. I feel like you are underselling it, Jeff. I feel like, if I may… I’m a little bit younger than you.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
So when you grew up, porn was still a magazine that you bought. You kept it under the bed, right?
Jeff:
Uh-huh.
Casey:
I was kinda born more towards the time when the digital porn revolution was starting, right.
Jeff:
You were like BBS…
Casey:
My porn [ has not calcified ] yet…
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
By the time we were getting into these sorts of things. So here’s what I’m thinking. I think there is more to this business method patent than you think there is.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
I think that photo doesn’t go straight to the guy in the basement. I think where that photo goes is to a website called, let’s say CupMasters.net. They probably didn’t get the dotcom, right? It gets posted on a forum where there’s just dudes. It’s like, “Guess my cup size,” right…
Jeff:
They’re crowd-sourcing.
Casey:
Yes. So I think what’s happening is they’ve got all the dudes. They’ve got the dude who likes the heavies. They’ve got the dude who likes the skinny girls. They’ve got the whole thing covered. And when an image comes in, they jump on it. Whoever’s specialty this picture happens to be, he’s got the size. So I think, I suspect… You were disparaging. I suspect that you get very accurate results.
Jeff:
I disagree because guys don’t have any clue about that shit.
Casey:
Alright. They’re looking at a lot of these photos, Jeff.
Jeff:
You can be a connoisseur and not be able to get… First off, the technical problems of, like, you’re getting these weird torsos at crazy selfie angles…
Casey:
Okay. Alright. Dude, I’m telling you… Why do I have to jump in and do everything here? You have no vision. When we start our company that has women send their pictures to us, you’re not my partner, okay, because here’s the thing. If you’re gonna make this app where you’re just basically scamming to get girls to send you their picture, when you put the camera thing in the app, you don’t have them take a picture with the regular camera and put it in. I’m sure the camera thing is launched by the app. So when you do that…
Jeff:
Are you saying there’s some video?
Casey:
No. You fucking show that shit cropped so they think they’re only sending you the torso but they’re sending you the whole thing. You show basically 50% of the image but you get everything. That’s how you do it.
Jeff:
Hold on. Again, even if you have a full body shot, you’re taking a 3-dimensional object and you’re projecting it in 2D, into this camera focus being held awkwardly. You can’t…
Casey:
Dude, it is fucking patented software technology. I probably got the fucking 3-D… Let me ask you this. When you run the app, does it say, “Move the camera slowly around your body,” right, like…
Jeff:
That’s my point. If they had that, I would believe there is something going on besides dude in the basement.
Casey:
Alright. But there’s probably fucking viewpoint data labs that’s like the backer of this… They’ve got a point cloud wrapped around that, ready to see your wet t-shirt shot.
Jeff:
I think they are just… This guy had this idea and, shockingly, women send in these pictures. That’s how desperate women are for well-fitting underwear. That’s how bad it’s gotten that they will try this because no one in their right mind should send their picture. “We should totally send our picture in just to see…
Casey:
I want to do that, yes. Can we take a picture of my torso and see what kind of bra they recommend?
Jeff:
Just order it, whatever comes in…
Casey:
Whatever comes in, I’ll put it on.
Jeff:
And just see if it fits. So no, it’s pretty crazy. And it’s the full sketch. The other thing that’s pretty hysterical about it is how much they talk about their technology and their crazy… Like, their jobs are…
Casey:
You want the job stature?
Jeff:
Well, the jobs… I mean, that’s probably been updated since 2 weeks ago, when I saw it. When I saw it, they had… They were looking for engineers.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And the way they were describing the engineering jobs was like, “This is gonna be the best job you ever had.”
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
They’re trying not to say it but say you’ve got crazy pictures all the time.
Casey:
Well, I will say that monthly on-site massages is listed as one of the benefits, one of the compensations. I can imagine, actually, that most of the people are massaging themselves for the majority of the month. But I guess once in a while… Once a month, someone comes in and massages you.
Jeff:
I think the important thing here is as an internet company, I think…
Casey:
Do you want me to click on… Can I click on one?
Jeff:
No, I think Sean Parker’s gonna come in here and he’s gonna talk to these guys and he’s gonna say, “Listen, yes, millions of women sending in their breasts to you is a fantastic business.”
Casey:
Yes, you guys did it.
Jeff:
But you know what’s really cool?
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
Is billions of breasts. That’s all he does. And then they’re like, “Fuck, yeah.”
Casey:
Right. He brings the 100x multiplier, the 1,000x multiplier… He’s like, you know what…
Jeff:
Yeah, and then they go public…
Casey:
Yeah, I see.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Well, I mean, I guess… Here’s what I would say is I’m wondering… ‘Cos obviously, they’re gonna need to start coming out with more products at some point.
Jeff:
I’m looking at this and saying one of the jobs is the fashion design intern…
Casey:
Yeah, fashion design intern, “Love the details behind the beauty,” it says.
Jeff:
He has to mop up the basement.
Casey:
The intern cleans up…
Jeff:
You’re going to be downstairs and the CEO is down in the basement, he’s using his patented technology to get these measurements…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
It gets a little messy down there. I’m going to warn you right now, we’ve lost some interns before. I’m just pre-warning you right now.
Casey:
Whoa, whoa, whoa… Okay, this came out wrong.
Jeff:
What?
Casey:
I probably know how they meant this line…
Jeff:
Uh-oh…
Casey:
But it does not… After everything we’ve said, the fact that the fashion design intern, one of the things that they are responsible for is “help our engineers choose new pairs of glasses”.
Jeff:
What?
Casey:
“Help our engineers choose new pairs…” Now, I’m sure they meant it like fashionable glasses because our engineers aren’t fashionable or whatever.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But I was thinking like… ‘Cos they can’t see the breasts well enough. They’re like… Optometry…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“We need this. I can’t see the breast pics. I’ve gone blind. I need a new pair of glasses.”
Jeff:
Why is the fashion design intern having anything to do the engineering.
Casey:
I don’t know. Well, it’s not engineering. They make bras.
Jeff:
What about the glasses?
Casey:
One of their things is bra technical designer/pattern maker.
Jeff:
What about the glasses?
Casey:
What about them?
Jeff:
Why are they working on the engineer’s glasses?
Casey:
Because it’s a joke. It’s an in-joke. It’s like, “Oh, we have these engineers that are big fat UNIX beard engineers and they pick out ugly glasses. So since you’re a fashion intern, you can help our engineers pick out glasses that make them look more stylish.” Right?
Jeff:
Everything about that is a red flag…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
For like, really, really sketchy, rape-y workplace to me… You’re like… ‘Cos one of those fucking dudes…
Casey:
Well, Sean Parker’s involved. I guarantee you it’s a rape-y workplace.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
But that’s a different story altogether. Here’s what I want to know. So they came out with their first product.
Jeff:
The bra…
Casey:
“How do we get women to send us tit selfies, for lack of a better term? Just breasts all day long. Great idea, guys. You nailed it. The question is… What’s next?”
Jeff:
The important thing is they’ve also gotten… They’re getting it from not your normal Gone Wild girls…
Casey:
Okay. Right.
Jeff:
These are girls who are just trying…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
These are the breasts next door…
Casey:
The breasts next door…
Jeff:
Right? That they are getting and they are getting tons of it, right?
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
They’re not getting the standard stuff.
Casey:
They’re getting the career-minded breasts. They’re getting the breasts next door…
Jeff:
The breasts that are too busy to go…
Casey:
Busy, yes. The breasts that are too busy, right… The bookworm breasts, if you will…
Jeff:
These are not the breasts you see normally [ in pornography ].
Casey:
No, that’s right.
Jeff:
This is a whole new thing for them.
Casey:
In fact, here’s the thing. This is an inclusive set of breasts. This is every breast. This is the every breast, if you will. These are pictures of the every breast.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Yes. Kudos to them but here’s my question — What’s next? How are they going to come up with an app that’s basically like, “Yeah, we need you to be doing thing X which is this other…”
Jeff:
No, the new thing…
Casey:
It’s a pantyhose fitting…
Jeff:
No, I was going to say… What it’ll be…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Once the CEO…
Casey:
Is just spent…
Jeff:
He’s spent.
Casey:
Fully spent. He’s got nothing left.
Jeff:
He has exhausted anything he ever had for breasts.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Like, I got it done.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
It’s just literally gonna be the next fetish on his list which is going to be socks…
Casey:
Okay. Alright.
Jeff:
So you’re like, We need pictures of your feet.”
Casey:
Okay, yeah. We do. We need feet.
Jeff:
We need a lot of pictures of the feet.
Casey:
Yeah, the feet are coming in.
Jeff:
And you start… Or whatever his next fetish is…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Because there’s an escalation that happens there in terms of viewing the thing…
Casey:
Okay, this is gonna be weirder… Right.
Jeff:
When you saturate yourself in your fetish…
Casey:
Right, it’s like, “What size horse is right for you?”
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Do you need a pony or do you need a horse? Do you need a stallion? What do you need? Take a picture of us with the horse you have…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And we will tell you…
Jeff:
Whatever that…
Casey:
Yeah, whatever that is…
Jeff:
Like if it’s boots, if it’s corsets…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Whatever that thing is…
Casey:
Oh, wait. They can do an internet of things. The internet of things is here. “What’s in your refrigerator, ladies? Let’s get some vegetables out. Let’s get everything out of the fridge. What do you have for syrups? Let’s take a look at the various things that are in your fridge.”
Jeff:
I think it will start with something like soft…
Casey:
Customized whipped cream.
Jeff:
Hosiery, that kind of thing.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
He will spend… And it will get progressively weirder, what he gives you…
Casey:
Okay. Alright.
Jeff:
Because he is basically burning out in fetish…
Casey:
He’s driving himself down further and further, okay…
Jeff:
So it’s like it should start [inaudible 46:10] And then 6 months…
Casey:
Down the line, yeah…
Jeff:
6 years… Somewhere down the line, it’s like, “Listen. Ladies, I know it’s a problem to buy butt plugs. It’s embarrassing to go out there. Here’s what we do. using our patented technology, you just send a picture of your anus and our technology…” And they’ll have some computer graphics that takes the butt and then…
Casey:
No, no, no, no, no… They’re going to get into peripherals. They’re like, “Our custom butt plug sonogram imaging technology…”
Jeff:
Oh, my God…
Casey:
It’s like, it comes as this little thing that you sit on. And it’s like all… You’ve got to work it in there and it’s taking pictures from every angle you can possibly imagine. Yeah. It’s like goat seeds, third goat seeds…
Jeff:
No, it is not the way it should go. So yeah, the fact that this place exists and apparently is doing okay…
Casey:
Are they? I don’t know if they’re doing… I never know ‘cos Silicon Valley…
Jeff:
Well, I mean. Yeah, you never know. You don’t know, that’s true.
Casey:
There’s all these venture capital… Things could be losing money, hand over fist, and they’re still hiring, right? That’s very typical.
Jeff:
I imagine that venture capital meeting went something like, “This is the dumbest idea I’ve ever seen. I’m not giving you the money. And then he’s like, “Hold on. Why don’t you come look at some of these pictures and see if…”
Casey:
You can have access to the stream. Right. You can have access on the stream. You go like, “I’m in.”
Jeff:
I’m in. Yeah. That’s what it is because it is the creepy… It is some creepy shit that… And I don’t understand… It doesn’t… They’re not trying to hide the creepiness.
Casey:
No, they’re not.
Jeff:
Which is, in itself, somewhat…
Casey:
They’re out in the open.
Jeff:
It’s almost like they’re like…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Playing at a different level…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And it’s a little scary.
Casey:
That actually is the sort of… That’s the Victoria’s Secret thing.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
That’s the Victoria’s Secret secret, right? Is it’s like, if you just say that it’s for her or whatever, it is. It’s like, “Nope,” like nothing about this has changed. All we did was convince you that we’re doing something for you.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Meanwhile, we’ve got a stream of everyone’s tits on the wall, right? We’ve got a giant fucking 90-inch plasma that’s just streaming breasts by…
Jeff:
It is true that Victoria’s Secret took really uncomfortable clothing for women and made it seem like it’s for them and not the men that want you to buy it.
Casey:
Yeah. And it didn’t get much more comfortable at all.
Jeff:
No, not at all. And so, they did… And this is that same thing.
Casey:
That’s just brilliant. It’s brilliant. It’s like… Yeah. You’re not taking nude pictures of yourself for guys.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
You’re taking them for you.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
So you can be better fitted.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“And by the way, if you could just send that picture over to us for just… We’re gonna check it out for you with our patented bra technology…”
Jeff:
With our software…
Casey:
“Our patented software process. DAVE will check out the picture for you.”
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
DAVE is an acronym for something I’m sure.
Jeff:
That’s right.
Casey:
Right. Yeah. “Direct Analysis Vision Engine will check out your bra size and get back to you with a shockingly accurate result.”
Jeff:
Yes. I’m also sure that they’re not keeping any of those images. They just use them. They feed them into the software…
Casey:
Oh, no. Those aren’t…
Jeff:
And they immediately kick out perfect bra sizes…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And then they delete those for their privacy.
Casey:
Right. Yeah.
Jeff:
They’re not storing those.
Casey:
No, no, no, no.
Jeff:
On a server…
Casey:
Nor is the NSA. When these things are getting transmitted and the NSA is, like, hoovering it all up, they’re not going like, “Whoa, whoa, slow down. What’s back there on channel 17…”
Jeff:
NSA is taking the output of these very specific dimensions…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And then they tie that in to the TSA screens…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And then if you say you’re somebody but it doesn’t match your Third Love profile…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Then the alarms go off. We’ve got to deal with that stuff. It might…
Casey:
We don’t want a bunch of suicide bomber breasts running around.
Jeff:
No, we don’t want a Malaysian situation.
Casey:
Absolutely not.
Jeff:
No, absolutely. It’s just another method that they’re using to keep our world safe.
Casey:
They’re keeping it safe.
Jeff:
Third Love.
Casey:
Third Love.
Jeff:
Right?
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
The Third Estate.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly, it’s the Third Estate/Love.
Jeff:
And you’re like, “Wait a minute…”
Casey:
Yes. Alright…
Jeff:
Alright, anyway… So nobody send their picture. We should send our picture in.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Say nothing…
Casey:
We will send our picture in.
Jeff:
And we’ll see what happens.
Casey:
See what happens. Well, I think that comes to the end of our… I think we should pinch off this one…
Jeff:
Yeah, we should pinch off this one.
Casey:
Right?
Jeff:
The whale thing went a little crazy…
Casey:
We had a whale of a time. We had breasts, everything… This is a great show for you. I hope you enjoyed it.
Jeff:
Remember…
Casey:
I ate too many Peanut M&M's which is not good. I'm going to vomit here in a second.
Jeff:
You can email us at Podcast@JeffAndCaseyShow. . .
Casey:
A lot of our quality material comes from listeners just like you. Do not be shy.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Write in to Podcast@JeffAndCaseyShow.com.
Jeff:
You can also go to Twitter…
Casey:
You can Tweet us. I am @CMuratori and Jeff is @Jeffatrad
Jeff:
Well, wait, don’t we have a Jeff & Casey… @JeffAndCasey?
Casey:
But nobody reads it…
Jeff:
I’m just saying you can Tweet it. We will see that…
Casey:
No, we won’t. Nobody reads it. Do you read it?
Jeff:
No, I follow that one.
Casey:
I don’t even know that I follow that one. But you won’t… Just because you follow it doesn’t mean you’ll see what people say to it.
Jeff:
Oh, that’s true.
Casey:
You’ve got to go log on or do a search…
Jeff:
Oh, goddamn it. Yeah, that’s not going to help…
Casey:
Send it to me or Jeff.
Jeff:
Email it.
Casey:
He’s @Jeffatrad I’m @CMuratori. We’re easy to find.
Jeff:
Yes, that’s true.
Casey:
Email or Tweet it to us and we will take care of it just like we took care of whales and breasts on this episode of the Jeff & Casey Show.
Jeff:
And next week, we will cover…
Casey:
McGruff the Crime Dog?
Jeff:
McGruff the Crime Dog…
Casey:
You want to cover McGruff? Okay, we’ll finally get to McGruff the Crime Dog, the topic I know everyone’s been waiting since we tantalized them with it before.
Jeff:
They’re waiting to hear what happened. Yes. Alright. Thanks, everybody.
Casey:
Thanks for listening and we will see you next week.
Jeff:
See you next time.
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casey muratori
the jeff and casey show - season 4 - episode 9
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