Blog
Bio
The Technician
No Imperfections Noted
The Jeff and Casey Show
Jeff and Casey Time
Casey Muratori
Seattle, WA
Capybara Rat Cruise
"Even if monkeys rode segways 100% of the time, I still wouldn't do it."
Original air date: March 24th, 2014
Topics. Ghost ship. Cannibal rats. Britain. Canada. Ghost riding your whip. Leobov Orlova. Yacht names. Disease. Polynesia. Nymphomania. Sex rats. Cruiseliners. Dominican Republic. Scrap ships. Lifeboat emergency beacons. Dentures. David Attenborough. Rat king. Three toed sloth. GPS. Road trips. Bus bathrooms.
Subscribe. If you’d like to have the latest episode of The Jeff and Casey Show delivered fresh to your computer every Monday, you can check out our list of RSS feeds and other subscription options here.
Transcript
Jeff:
Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Jeff & Casey Show.
Casey:
Hello, and welcome to the Jeff & Casey Show.
Jeff:
That’s right.
Casey:
Just in case there was some other Jeff & Casey Show out there. This is the Jeff & Casey Show.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
The one and only.
Jeff:
I went and took a nap so I’m recharged.
Casey:
You’re recharged?
Jeff:
Uh-huh. That 45 minutes makes a big difference.
Casey:
Well, you know what, Jeff? I have selected for you a topic that I feel like you are probably the go-to person. Between the two of us, you will be the go-to person for this so I’m glad you’re recharged.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Somebody who I don’t know in person, Ian [inaudible 0:35] I don’t know if I’m pronouncing that right…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Wrote in with this topic.
Jeff:
Okay, cool.
Casey:
Now, he Tweeted to me so I didn’t know what was going on ‘cos he just had some 3-word thing and I was like, “What the hell?”
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So I Googled for it and I find it because it’s pretty distinctive and I read the headline and I’m like, “What the fuck?”
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
And it’s… I mean, it’s great.
Jeff:
So let’s start with the headline.
Casey:
So I’m gonna start with the headline. The headline is, “Lyubov Orlova: Ghost Ship Carrying Cannibal Rats ‘Could Be Heading for Britain’”.
Jeff:
Awesome. So, wait… Ghost ship…
Casey:
Ghost ship carrying cannibal rats “could be heading for Britain”.
Jeff:
Okay. So this is kind of interesting. So you know the whole thing of when you ghost ride your whip, the whole hopping out of the car while it’s moving…
Casey:
Ghost ride your whip?
Jeff:
You’ve never heard that expression?
Casey:
What does that mean?
Jeff:
There’s rap songs about it. It’s an expression where you’re in the car and you get out of the car while the car’s still moving…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And, like, walk around to the passenger’s seat or they get around and whatever.
Casey:
Whoa. So what they used to call a Chinese fire drill, I believe…
Jeff:
But the car is moving.
Casey:
But the car is moving instead of stationary.
Jeff:
Yes. Right. And while the car is moving forward, that’s the ghost ride.
Casey:
Why the hell was that called the Chinese fire drill? I understand that Chinese racism…
Jeff:
I feel like racism’s heavily involved.
Casey:
I feel like Chinese racism was certainly more so than it is today so I understand that the term probably came from some intent to make a racist slur.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But I don’t get it. I don’t get the slight.
Jeff:
No. I don’t know either.
Casey:
Because you actually do, in that procedure, you do exactly what an American fire drill is. You leave the thing and then you go right back the fuck inside it.
Jeff:
No, I have no idea what that means.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And in fact, even guessing is going to exhibit racism so I’m safely…
Casey:
I’m not even able to come up with my own racist answer.
Jeff:
There you go.
Casey:
That’s how far off the mark that phrase is from being racist correctly.
Jeff:
I just think… We started doing the Jeff & Casey thing on Chinese fire drill…
Casey:
Okay…
Jeff:
The racism that will come out will be uncovered accidentally or on purpose…
Casey:
It’s not accidental.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Okay, so ghost ride your whip, I know what that means…
Jeff:
What I was gonna say is I remember when I heard that term and there was a video… ‘Cos sometimes the rappers get on the hood of the car while it’s rolling along the way. So it’s like this whole thing. I remember going… I’m like, “Why is it called ghost riding?”
Casey:
I have no idea.
Jeff:
Well, no, the… Again, it’s impossible to follow when just a phrase becomes a phrase.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
But they believe that when I read it, they were like, no, it’s probably having to do something like when they call a ghost ship, of when they have to evacuate a ship for some reason like it’s listing or something and the ship is just careening out of control to land somewhere…
Casey:
Okay. Yes.
Jeff:
Is a ghost ship.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Okay. So we have a ghost ship. That, I presume, means they have evacuated the people…
Casey:
Wait, you explained all that ridiculousness just then and you didn’t really get to anything other than just the fact that there’s no one on the ship.
Jeff:
Well, I just didn’t know. I don’t even know if that’s what it means.
Casey:
Okay. Alright.
Jeff:
We’ve only read the headline, yet, so…
Casey:
That’s true. Well, I read more but yes.
Jeff:
Okay. But we are guessing, I am guessing what this entails…
Casey:
Okay. Okay.
Jeff:
Does that mean they have pulled the people off the ship?
Casey:
Yes. Ghost ship, in this case, is not referring to… You know, it’s ghost town, not ghost ship like the actual term ghost ship where it’s an apparition that’s floating from beyond the grave.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Like the shimmery blue pirate ship that comes out at midnight or whatever.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
This is talking a ship that no longer has any humans manning it.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So it is completely fucking on its own.
Jeff:
Okay. It’s just floating around.
Casey:
It’s just floating around. That is correct.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Would you like me to read some more?
Jeff:
Read the title one more time.
Casey:
Okay. The title is “Lyubov Orlova,” which I believe is just the name of…
Jeff:
The boat… Okay.
Casey:
“Ghost Ship Carrying…”
Jeff:
It would be awesome if it was an American ship and it would be called, like, you know…
Casey:
Henry Smith?
Jeff:
Well, no they usually have names usually about women…
Casey:
Oh, like Victory…
Jeff:
And yeah, like…
Casey:
Oh, women? No, we always name ours like the Dwight D. Eisenhower or some shit like this…
Jeff:
That’s like shit cruise… I’m talking about a yacht.
Casey:
Oh, like Wild Rose or something like this…
Jeff:
Yeah, the Wild Rose…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Full of… Yeah. Okay.
Casey:
It is, “Ghost Ship Carrying Cannibal Rats ‘Could Be Heading for Britain’”.
Jeff:
Okay. Because they don’t know it’s headed…
Casey:
Apparently, there is only some degree… Not only do we not know it’s heading for Britain but the author of the story would like you to know that he is not saying that it could be heading for Britain. Somebody else said that it could be heading for Britain.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Whereas “Ghost Ship Carrying Cannibal Rats” is apparently all his own creation.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
The author would like to take full responsibility for “Ghost Ship Carrying Cannibal Rats” but the “Could Be Heading for Britain” part, there was some distance there.
Jeff:
Okay. Distance or sarcasm. You’re not sure which.
Casey:
I don’t know.
Jeff:
Yeah, like, “Could Be Heading for Britain” but it’s not going to.
Casey:
Yep, how many times have you heard that about a ghost ship with cannibal rats?
Jeff:
He wants it to happen. He’s always upset when the cannibal rats land on the Galapagos or somewhere and eat all the turtles.
Casey:
Right. Exactly.
Jeff:
Okay, continue this…
Casey:
So you want me to read…
Jeff:
A little bit. Let’s just get a sense of what’s going on here.
Casey:
A ghost ship carrying nothing but disease-ridden rats could be about to make land on Britain’s shore, experts have warned.
Jeff:
Are we sure that the rats being cannibals is necessarily disease…
Casey:
I don’t know where that came from.
Jeff:
Because the cannibal part… I mean, that seems like the standard white man projecting his values on another rat’s culture.
Casey:
So you’re saying it went to Polynesia and the rats were, like…
Jeff:
Eating each other.
Casey:
Nymphomaniacs, sex rats… They’re all wearing skimpy clothing, no tops…
Jeff:
Yeah, exactly, sex rats on a ghost ship. Alright.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly, sex rats on a ghost ship.
Jeff:
But these rats are cannibal rats.
Casey:
Well, we haven’t gotten to the cannibal part yet. This is the disease ridden. . . They’re talking about disease-ridden rats.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
The Lyubov Orlova Cruise Liner… So this is not like a fishing ship.
Jeff:
This is the worst cruise ever.
Casey:
This is a whole ocean liner.
Jeff:
These rats are reading the brochures going, “This is not what we signed up for…”
Casey:
Right. Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
“They’re eating each other…”
Casey:
Well, other people are like, “Ooh, let’s go to the cabaret. Is it buffet time?” Apparently, the buffet is a bunch of other rats if cannibalism is on the table.
Jeff:
That’s true.
Casey:
Anyway, “The Lyubov Orlova Cruise Liner has been drifting across the North Atlantic for the better part of a year. And salvage hunters say there is a strong chance it is heading this way.”
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
“Built in Yugoslavia in 1976…”
Jeff:
Why is there “a chance”? Can’t we just know where the boat is? And why is it speculation? Like the boat seems like it’s headed in a way…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
I don’t understand why this is…
Casey:
Right. Like somewhere, there’s a dude that has a map where they’ve got, “Here’s where it is,” and then a big circle of, like, it could go anywhere like it was on its own volition. Maybe ‘cos it’s like the rats are steering it. They don’t know where they’re gonna go.
Jeff:
The rats are in charge.
Casey:
The rats are in charge and we might…
Jeff:
I’ve seen YouTube videos where rats do crazy things.
Casey:
Maybe they don’t want to go to London.
Jeff:
That’s true.
Casey:
Anyway…
Jeff:
It’s rainy all the time.
Casey:
“Built in Yugoslavia in 1976…”
Jeff:
That’s a sign of quality.
Casey:
Hey, man. It’s a vintage year for cruise liners. “The unlucky vessel was abandoned in a Canadian harbor after its owners were broiled in a debt scandal and failed to pay the crew.”
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
“The authorities in Newfoundland tried to sell the haul for scrap, which was valued at __600,000…” I don’t know if that’s today’s Dollars or 1976 Dollars…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
“To the Dominican Republic, but cut their losses when it came loose in a storm on the way.”
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So they were going to drop it off and the Dominican Republic was gonna, I don’t know, use it to make other boats or something or just built shit with it.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
But it never made it. Didn’t make it there.
Jeff:
Most island countries get a lot of their iron from actually…
Casey:
Scrap ship? They just scrap it off here…
Jeff:
Yeah. There’s a video of people doing this like maybe Singapore or maybe Malaysia, I can’t remember, where it’s where they take these enormous container ships to die basically. . .
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And they are taken apart not by machines but just people…
Casey:
By dudes just ripping it off?
Jeff:
Just climbing around, no safety gear, no shoes a lot of the time, just cutting little pieces off [ little end ], boom, falling down the ground.
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
It’s crazy ‘cos they’ll cut off an entire hull and then all of a sudden, bam, and then it flies up. I think it’s crazy, like…
Casey:
That does sound crazy.
Jeff:
Crazy dangerous. Terrible. The workers were in pennies a day, it’s like all the bad stuff…
Casey:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jeff:
And it’s just mass pollution.
Casey:
On the other hand, to be fair, I feel like there’s a fair number of people in America who would accept pennies a day. But you, for example, to cut giant pieces of a ship and watch it go blam…
Jeff:
No…
Casey:
You would love that.
Jeff:
No. I mean, I might want to watch the rats drive the ship.
Casey:
You would pay to do it. You would pay someone to do it.
Jeff:
I would watch the ship rats but I probably would not.
Casey:
Alright. Anyway…
Jeff:
In any case…
Casey:
“Sending the ship off into international waters, Transport Canada said it was satisfied the Lyubov Orlova no longer poses a threat to the safety of Canadian offshore oil installations, their personnel, or the maritime environment.” So apparently, this thing was in a Canadian harbor. The people who built it could not pay for it to be manned because of debt. The Canadians tried to sell it to Dominican Republic, couldn’t make it there. It left it in the storm figuring, “You know what, it’s fine. What could possibly go wrong? We’ll just let it float around. There’s all kinds of things floating around there — sea monsters, ice bergs. It’s fine.”
Jeff:
So what’s the situation? Where did the rats get on board? Were they on board initially? Are these Canadian rats?
Casey:
We have not gotten there. We do not know the nationality of the rats.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
One would assume that the rats were there right from the beginning because presumably, they didn’t board…
Jeff:
So they’re Yugoslavian rats?
Casey:
Maybe it was when they stopped for one of the tours, one of the little tours or whatever, the little rat stop.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So we’ll see. “Experts say the ship, which is likely to still contain hundreds of rats that have been eating each other to survive, must still be out there somewhere because not all of its lifeboat emergency beacons have been set off.” I do not know what that means.
Jeff:
Wait…
Casey:
“Experts say the ship, which is likely to still contain hundreds of rats that have been eating each other to survive…”
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
“Must still be out there somewhere because not all of its lifeboat emergency beacons have been set off.” Like the rats are getting on the lifeboats? What the fuck does that mean?
Jeff:
Yeah, I don’t know what that… I have no idea what that means. It feels like he’s trying to tell us something but halfway through the rat thing, he got…
Casey:
What does that mean?
Jeff:
I don’t think the 2 sentences are related.
Casey:
Let’s say that all of the lifeboat emergency beacons had been set off. Would we then conclude that all the rats got off?
Jeff:
Yeah, thank God the rats are safe.
Casey:
That’s what his conclusion would have been? The rats figured out how to use… It’s a good thing we put the buttons down low and put some cheese…
Jeff:
Right. Put a little ladder up there and there’s a tiny rat and then they turn, they just run on the wheel…
Casey:
And the rat has a little life vest on, like a little…
Jeff:
Life preserver for safety.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So the infested rat ship sounds very different than there might be a hundred rats, most of which have eaten each other, does not sound that…
Casey:
But how do they even know… Okay, 2 things. First of all, I guess they’re trying to imply that food was not still on the vessel, that there was no food loaded on to the vessel, I guess.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Because otherwise, you would assume the rats are eating the food.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
And I guess maybe… Because I’m just thinking a cruise liner that is set up to service thousands of old people, right, is gonna have enough food, and denture-masticatable food, as well.
Jeff:
Yeah, soft stuff.
Casey:
Easy to eat, soft stuff that you would be able to have a rat colony live off for a long time. In fact, I’m thinking…
Jeff:
I mean, those rats are incredibly regular. They’re very careful with their diet and those…
Casey:
High fiber…
Jeff:
High fiber diets…
Casey:
This is a rat oatmeal situation.
Jeff:
Yeah. But apparently, they did not load that food on the boat. They’re just eating each other.
Casey:
So I guess they didn’t. So somehow… And we have not gotten to a part in the article that explains this and I don’t know if they do because I haven’t read any further than this myself…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
This is all new.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Somehow, we know that the rats are there.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Because normally, you would think if you freshly build a ship and you try to sail it somewhere, you maybe hadn’t seen any rats on it.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But they saw a shit ton of rats at some point, I guess.
Jeff:
Right, “Goddamn it, we’ve already got rats.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Right. “We haven’t got a single elderly on here in this cruise…”
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
“We haven’t got a single comedian…”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
“Nobody’s on here…”
Casey:
You know what scares me more… And it’s not like I would ever go on a cruise. I mean, I’m never going on a cruise. That’s just so far off the table…
Jeff:
No, that’s the craziest [ banana cakes ] thing…
Casey:
There’s no way I will ever go on a cruise. I mean, the circumstances would have to be so magnificent to ever get me on a cruise. But this suggest to me yet another reason to not go on a cruise which is unless there’s some further information that’s revealed later on which is why they know about the rats, I’m gonna have to assume that they just think there are several hundred rats on any cruise line…
Jeff:
Any given boat, yeah.
Casey:
They’re like, “It’s a cruise liner. There’s rats everywhere.” Are you kidding me?
Jeff:
They may not be cannibals but they…
Casey:
They may not be cannibals yet.
Jeff:
But they could be.
Casey:
But given the right circumstances….
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
They could become cannibal rats.
Jeff:
Probably what we need to get is we need to parachute David [inaudible 15:02]
Casey:
Zombie cannibal rats…
Jeff:
On to the boat and then have him go down, just figure out what’s going on.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Now, of course, he’ll immediately be set upon by the rats. So he probably needs a rat…
Casey:
No, he’s not… That’s his super power, right, is he’s fucking in the tree… Like the rats don’t even see him. He’s got a suit that looks like rusted iron on, you know. And he’s just perfectly posed and like, “Watch what you’re seeing here,” you know…
Jeff:
I don’t know. I feel like he’s always…
Casey:
“It’s a native rat in its environment.”
Jeff:
He stands pretty far out usually.
Casey:
Okay. Alright.
Jeff:
When he’s on the scene… Now sometimes, he’s just doing voiceover…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
But when these little portly…
Casey:
He’s on the scene pretty often.
Jeff:
I know but I’d never seen him in blend in mode. I see him in…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
He kinda looks like a Florida tourist.
Casey:
Okay, white guy in a [inaudible 15:52] is what you see.
Jeff:
Yeah. And he’s out here explaining the situation. So he could get in there. And also, these rats now have been floating for a year…
Casey:
I guess, yeah.
Jeff:
Who knows what kind of evolution has happened on that boat.
Casey:
Because rats probably breed pretty quickly. There’s been some natural selection. That means you don’t just have cannibal rats. You have the best cannibal rats.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Because the rats that couldn’t eat other rats, they died.
Jeff:
The rats that couldn’t steer the ship…
Casey:
Holy fuck balls, dude. Do you know what this is? This is like rat Highlander. Like, there can only be one rat left…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
At the end, one giant fat rat will eat the last giant fat rat and he won.
Jeff:
I think you’re putting your humanist tendencies.
Casey:
Am I?
Jeff:
That’s what would happen with humans. There can be only 1. You don’t know rats. Rats could be… It could be a thing where they build together and make a huge rat king. You know the rat… What are those rat kings called?
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
The balls of rats that have all their tails tied together? I can’t remember what they’re called.
Casey:
I think that’s correct, rat king.
Jeff:
So maybe there’s just a huge _ber king who’s learning to drive the ship slowly.
Casey:
But what is he eating?
Jeff:
What?
Casey:
What is he eating? We’ve established that there’s no geriatric food…
Jeff:
Maybe he can just eat little bits of himself.
Casey:
But that’s…
Jeff:
It’s just, you know…
Casey:
It doesn’t change the circumstances…
Jeff:
It’s true.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
I mean, that’s why we need David [inaudible 17:13] on the scene.
Casey:
Is there a name… Like cannibalism is a broad term.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Is there a term that means “person who eats himself”? ‘Cos that’s what you were trying to describe with the rat kind, right?
Jeff:
Yeah. That’s a good question. I don’t know.
Casey:
An organism which can consume itself. Organism or collection of organisms…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Which is consuming what they consider to be part of themselves rather than consuming some other thing.
Jeff:
Well, we do have that pre-told sloth situation that Wong sent in…
Casey:
[inaudible 17:40]
Jeff:
Where it grows stuff on itself to eat.
Casey:
That’s fucked up. Awesome.
Jeff:
Like it gross moss that it has to eat. It has a crazy…
Casey:
Like a rolling stone.
Jeff:
Yeah. It’s true. It gathers moss.
Casey:
Yes, unlike a rolling stone, I should say.
Jeff:
Yes. Yeah, is there anything else good about this? ‘Cos this is nonsense. This is so crazy…
Casey:
You think it’s nonsense?
Jeff:
I figured this is like a writer who happened upon some maritime story…
Casey:
You think he’s making shit up?
Jeff:
I think he’s really…
Casey:
Are u serious? You think it’s not true?
Jeff:
Well, I think he’s just really pumping it up. It’s like “19 ways to prevent your ship from not being taken over by rats”.
Casey:
Plague rats.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
How they fill extra cruise cabins, right…
Jeff:
Mmhmm…
Casey:
Plague rats… Alright. So it says here that “2 signals were picked up on the 12th and 23rd of March last year, presumably from lifeboats which fell away and hit the water, showing the vessel had made it two-thirds of the way across the Atlantic and was headed east.” So I guess the lifeboat beacons are how they know where the ship is. Apparently, that’s the only way they know. It’s like breadcrumbs.
Jeff:
Not a single GPS…
Casey:
No, apparently not.
Jeff:
On this entire cruise ship.
Casey:
[ Well, I’m sure it already had a ] GPS even, right?
Jeff:
Oh, this is ridiculous.
Casey:
It’s probably out of electricity is the problem.
Jeff:
Oh, I see.
Casey:
But anyway, so either that or the people who have fought to survive, who got left behind, who are battling the plague rats and whatever the fuck, the cannibal rats, finally made it to the lifeboat, right. The beat all the levels of the plague rat ship game…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
They get to the life boat, they pull the thing. And they’re like, “Now someone will come rescue me.” And meanwhile, some asshole who gets that signal right, is like, “Oh, okay. That’s where the ship is now. X,” and forgets about it. And then they die of freezing to death or something or dehydration.
Jeff:
Well, how many crazy ghost ships are floating around? That’s the other thing like is this an anomaly or do they…
Casey:
Yeah. How often does this happen? I don’t know.
Jeff:
Oh, fuck it.
Casey:
So I also like the fact that they didn’t think that __600,000 was worth it. They were like, “You know what, it’s a little stormy weather here. Fuck it. I don’t even want to deal with this.” __600,000. No one is willing to get the ship and drive it to the Dominican Republic for __600,000.
Jeff:
Yeah. No, that’s a terrible…
Casey:
That’s a lot of money, __600,000.
Jeff:
Yeah, I’m surprised they just didn’t scuttle it or something.
Casey:
How come someone with a helicopter doesn’t just go take it and drive it home?
Jeff:
Wait, a helicopter can’t pull that, actually.
Casey:
No, you just take some… Go there. Get some fuel…
Jeff:
Oh, load up the boat?
Casey:
I guess you need too much fuel.
Jeff:
Yeah. Well, I imagine they don’t even have the big motors and stuff installed yet. Like, it’s just derelict, is what I assume.
Casey:
Oh, so this is it.
Jeff:
So I think they were towing…
Casey:
The rats can’t even turn on the ship if they wanted to.
Jeff:
No, I think they’re just floating.
Casey:
It’s not a fuel issue.
Jeff:
That’s why I don’t understand… If you were that close, you could just scuttle it.
Casey:
I don’t know. There’s a lot of speculation. The point being, a week later, an unidentified object of about the right size was spotted on radar just off the coast of Scotland but search planes never verified the find. So we haven’t even checked to see if… This is why it “could be headed”…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Because they basically had some marker beacons and then somebody saw something but nobody knows because they didn’t confirm it.
Jeff:
Oh, my God.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
This is not…
Casey:
Pim de Rhoodes, a Belgian salvage hunter who is among a number looking for the Lyubov Orlova…
Jeff:
So there are people who want to get that 600,000…
Casey:
Off the UK coastline told The Sun, “She is floating around out there somewhere.”
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
He’s quoted as saying that.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It’s very educational.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
“There will be a lot of rats and they eat each other,” so here comes the science…
Jeff:
Here comes the science.
Casey:
“If I get aboard, I’ll have to lace everywhere with poison.”
Jeff:
This is the lady… It’s the treasure hunter?
Casey:
Yes. Well, we don’t know if it’s a man or a woman. It just says Pim de Rhoodes.
Jeff:
You know, some people are looking for, like, Duobloons that were lost off the coast, you know, with gold coins. And some people are looking for the Titanic…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And some people just want to find the floating ghost ship full of rats, right?
Casey:
I feel like James… Where’s James Cameron? His next movie should be called “Plague Rats” and he finds this ship and he goes in on it and sees what the rat situation is like.
Jeff:
It’s a Romeo & Juliet story.
Casey:
Romeo & Juliet but with rats. “The head of the Irish coastguard, Chris Reynolds, said the ship was more likely than not to still pose a threat. There have been huge storms in recent months but it takes a lot to sink a vessel as big as that. He said, ‘We must stay vigilant.’” He has been indoctrinated into the modern terrorism culture where he’s like, everything is a potential catastrophe…
Jeff:
We have a code orange…
Casey:
Plague rats could hit any time.
Jeff:
Code orange, plague rats.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
The other thing is as soon as the plague rats got off…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
They’d just be rats again. They immediately revert to their normal… They’re not like…
Casey:
Okay. Let’s start with one thing. We have established from the quotes in the article that nobody knows that there’s any rats on it.
Jeff:
Yeah. No, he knows [ that there are rats. ] They don’t know where the boat is…
Casey:
It is purely an assumption that there are rats on it.
Jeff:
No one has seen this huge cruise liner.
Casey:
Right. Yes. No one has seen…
Jeff:
This can’t be that hard.
Casey:
So in the headline, out of the 3 things listed which is rats, cannibalism, and ghost ship, we have confirmed that none of the above…
Jeff:
We don’t know…
Casey:
We have no idea if any of those things are true yet they have managed to run an entire article…
Jeff:
And be vigilant about it.
Casey:
Being upset about the fact that there may be a threat posed…
Jeff:
Also, I don’t feel like… I feel like there’s been no one that’s been very vigilant about any of this.
Casey:
That’s true.
Jeff:
No one really gives a shit. Like, I don’t feel like it’s that hard to find a cruise ship. I mean, I know they’re usually big.
Casey:
I have a question. I have a pretty basic question that I’m gonna throw out there.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
If the rats need to eat themselves…
Jeff:
Yes, for food…
Casey:
That is a self-ending rat colony.
Jeff:
Yes. I’d think they’d eat themselves out.
Casey:
So either the rats don’t need to eat themselves to survive or they have food. Those are the only two actual options available, I think, to anyone reasonably looking at this scenario.
Jeff:
That’s true.
Casey:
So why this supposed salvage expert is saying that they’re eating each other, why are they… How? How would they still be alive in the colony if they had to eat each other? It doesn’t make any sense.
Jeff:
Yeah, I think this is all… The speculation… Like, we give this another 6 months and there’s gonna be a lot more stuff.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
“Zombie Ship Might Crash Into Norway”, right?
Casey:
“Adolf Hitler-Manned Ghost Ship: Nazi Rats on Their Way to Poland/Israel”. I don’t know.
Jeff:
I wonder how big this boat is. We might have to do some research if it’s one of those…
Casey:
It’s a cruise liner. It’s huge.
Jeff:
Yeah. Is it one of those modern, crazy, 14-storey monstrosities?
Casey:
Well, the other part that’s interesting about it, right, is the caption here for the headline, it’s got a picture. It says, “Experts say the cruise liner, adrift in the North Atlantic, may be too close for comfort”. And then they show a picture. But we know that no one has taken a photo of this thing.
Jeff:
So what is it? A random boat?
Casey:
So the picture is some coast guard ship floating amongst a bunch of ice bergs… There’s no… This is the worst article.
Jeff:
What is this article from?
Casey:
It is from Ars Technica. No, it’s from. . . Never mind, The Independent.
Jeff:
Okay. I don’t know what that is.
Casey:
TheIndependent.co.uk
Jeff:
That’s good stuff.
Casey:
It is amazing. Sorry, Ars Technica. I didn’t mean to insult you there. I thought for a second we had a different article and it was from there. I got confused. That is amazing. I’m pretty glad we went through that article because if you just take it on face value, you’ll be like, “Oh, okay.” You could imagine this scenario happening in a real way. And it’s nice to drill down and know that nobody has any idea that any of these are actually happening.
Jeff:
It’s all entirely made up.
Casey:
Exactly.
Jeff:
An extrapolation…
Casey:
Now, I feel like your position on animals and exotic animals in general, right, is you tend to think that the most extravagant extrapolation will happen. So I feel like in your head, if I had asked you to run this simulation like, “Where are we at? When this thing pulls into port, what are we gonna see?” In my mind, I’m thinking you’re gonna be like, “It will be essentially… I mean, for all intents and purposes, it will look as if it was a rat cruise. They will be at the pool. They will be having a performance.”
Jeff:
I have to say what was in my head…
Casey:
Okay. Yes.
Jeff:
Was they had grown to the size of kapibaras. They were all big and docile. And they were all sitting around the pool. That’s what I had in my… Like, they’re in the lounge chairs…
Casey:
You thought a rat cruise. Rat cruise was what you thought.
Jeff:
Yeah, because that’s what… It’s not what I thought. It’s what I hoped, I guess. It’s what my mind came up with.
Casey:
Yes. Right, yes. That’s awesome.
Jeff:
Because I thought that would be really nice.
Casey:
So you’re thinking kapibara cruise is what happened to this shit.
Jeff:
Yeah, ‘cos they like to swim.
Casey:
They love water. They do.
Jeff:
They do.
Casey:
You see them under those waterfalls. They get so excited about that.
Jeff:
Yeah, so that’s what I’d thought.
Casey:
That’s fantastic.
Jeff:
Yeah, that’s a terrible cruise. That’s why people shouldn’t go on cruise. They’re terrible.
Casey:
That is just yet another reason why you wouldn’t go on a cruise although I feel like if kapibaras hanging out by the pool were part of a cruise, that would actually increase your degree of wanting to go.
Jeff:
I don’t think anything gets me on one of those stupid shitty boats.
Casey:
Okay. Alright. So you’re like, even if monkeys rode Segways for 100% of the cruise time, you still would not be going…
Jeff:
It does not matter because you still have, like, the bathroom situation, [inaudible 27:05] all this action going on.
Casey:
[inaudible 27:08] Legionnaire’s Disease, yeah…
Jeff:
It’s just crazy, like…
Casey:
[inaudible 27:11] virus.
Jeff:
“Let’s get a whole bunch of old people together and concentrate all of their germs into one recycling system with a sewage system that never seems…” Like, every time you read about shit that goes wrong on one of those ships, it’s like, “No, the sewage pumps broke so we had no bathrooms for a week.”
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
“We’re out of fuel so we had to wait for somebody to tow is in. And everyone is sick and has…” Yeah, it’s like, always the worst. And it’s like, are all cruises like that? No, that’s not…
Casey:
So here’s the question.
Jeff:
But enough of them are that I don’t [ want the cruise ].
Casey:
Here’s the question. So is cruise… Is the reason that anyone goes on these things, is the reason that cruise is even a thing, is it because you just… It’s like a road trip. You imagine it being awesome when really all it is is just sitting in a car for a really long time, fucking being really bored?
Jeff:
I think people think of it as being on a yacht and not on a bus. People need to think about this right. And you know those shitty bathrooms in the bus…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
That, on long haul buses, where it’s one little tiny bathroom where it’s like a closet that somebody installed a toilet in the bottom of… That’s what a cruise ship is writ large. It is not a yacht writ large at all.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Love that. Okay, so it’s a bus.
Jeff:
Yeah, it’s a bus.
Casey:
Well, I guess I didn’t really think about this but what do they do with the sewage? They just have giant tanks in the bottom?
Jeff:
Yeah. I assume it’s just huge tanks they’d end you pumping out just like an RV or any other of those systems. You’ve got to pump it at some point.
Casey:
That’s gross.
Jeff:
That is not the way to go.
Casey:
I mean, what, like 5,000 really old people, right… And like you said, they’re regular…
Jeff:
Yeah. No, these are not…
Casey:
That sewage is gonna smell delicious.
Jeff:
Stop it. Stop it.
Casey:
Like, that is bad dudes.
Jeff:
Reemmber the dude that had an outhouse problem in the early podcast?
Casey:
Yes. Yes, right.
Jeff:
He’d be like, “Oh, my God. Are you kidding me?”
Casey:
He’d be like… This is his sexual fantasy.
Jeff:
How big is this tank?
Casey:
Yeah. Exactly, he’s like, “Can someone swim?”
Jeff:
I feel like I could move around in there.
Casey:
Oh, absolutely. Yeah.
Jeff:
Oh, my God. Alright. This is nonsense.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Who do we need to thank for that?
Casey:
Ian [inaudible 29:32]
Jeff:
Ian [inaudible 29:32]
Casey:
Ian [inaudible 29:32] sent it to me on Twitter.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
He just said, “Plague rat ship heading to UK or something”. It was some really terse thing.
Jeff:
I kinda like that.
Casey:
I’m like, “What is that?”
Jeff:
That also…
Casey:
Searched for it. This is what I found. Maybe there’s a better article out there
Jeff:
I think the Twitter, 140 characters, carries all the information that the article did.
Casey:
Well, it carries more because that’s actually [inaudible 29:53] actually had. The article has none of those things.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
The article… If the actual headline of the article was… It should have been “Life Boat Beacons Detected Several Months Ago”.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
That is the actual information we have in the article. Yes.
Jeff:
Yes, and one man concerned.
Casey:
Yes, 2 men — coast guard guy and the salvage guy.
Jeff:
Now he did, in the Tweet…
Casey:
Area man concerned about cannibal rats.
Jeff:
In the Tweet, he did assume they were plague rats, not cannibal rats.
Casey:
And this article also assumes that. It says “disease-ridden rats”.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
But nobody even knows if there are rats.
Jeff:
That’s right. So you’re assuming there are rats and they’re diseased…
Casey:
Well, it’s the thing, the pigeon fallacy. It’s the mental thing that’s like, “humans are more likely to think that 2 things are true rather than either one of them being true”. It’s like, “Well, there wouldn’t just be rats on a ship. There’d be diseased rats on a ship.”
Jeff:
If they’re be sick and they’d probably be eating each other, it’s cannibal rats…
Casey:
Yeah, how we got from no ship, no rats, to ship, rats…
Jeff:
Ship, rats, cannibals…
Casey:
Disease… Oh, goddamn it. These guys are masters of extrapolation. They should be writing for television, not salvaging ships, right?
Jeff:
Right. Maybe this is his big shot.
Casey:
It’s like Resident Evil.
Jeff:
Yes, it kind of is.
Casey:
The ship.
Jeff:
I hadn’t thought of that.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
That would b a good video game location.
Casey:
Why not zombie rats? While we’re on it, why isn’t it diseased cannibal zombie rats?
Jeff:
That was the first… You know, the editor of The Independent was like, “Listen…”
Casey:
“Here’s the lead.”
Jeff:
“You can’t say zombie rats.”
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
“Okay? ‘Cos we’re a serious publication. Okay.”
Casey:
Right. “Can we knock that down to ‘diseased’?”
Jeff:
“We only publish the truth. What if we just go with ‘disease’ and then we let people assume they’re zombie rats.”
Casey:
We infer zombie, heavily infer zombie.
Jeff:
Goddamn it.
Casey:
Right. Well, they said “cannibal” which is kind of a zombie thing, right?
Jeff:
Yeah, I guess that’s true.
Casey:
I mean, they try to eat humans.
Jeff:
That’s true.
Casey:
And they’re human.
Jeff:
Yeah, right, cannibal zombies. Alright, there we go.
Casey:
So that’s it. They were like, “We can’t say ‘zombies’ so just keep the rest of the article as is but just replace the particulars.”
Jeff:
Oh, my God.
Casey:
It’s pretty great.
Jeff:
Alright, well that is enough rats.
Casey:
That’s enough for now. You done [inaudible 32:14]
Jeff:
That is nonsense.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
That is absolute nonsense.
Casey:
Well, thank you for tuning in to another episode of the Jeff & Casey Show.
Jeff:
That’s right.
Casey:
If you have a topic that is as well-researched as this one that you would like us to look into for you and discuss, you can email us at Podcast@JeffAndCaseyShow.com and we will take care of it.
Jeff:
That’s right. Alright, well, thanks, everybody.
Casey:
Thanks for tuning in.
Site design and technology © Copyright 2005-2014 by Molly Rocket, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
Contents are assumed to be copyright by their individual authors.
Do not duplicate without their express permission.
casey muratori
the jeff and casey show - season 4 - episode 5
prev
next
mollyrocket.com