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The Technician
No Imperfections Noted
The Jeff and Casey Show
Jeff and Casey Time
Casey Muratori
Seattle, WA
Swimming with the Sharks
"If there's one thing that's not ocean-related, it's a fucking camel."
Original air date: March 3rd, 2014
Topics. Honorifics. Sourcing. Blue-collar vs. 1% coffee. Free-trade cigars. Lifestyle lies. Feeling superior. Two-mason-jar thinkers. Seaworld. Parrot shows. Charging the Tesla. Swimming with sharks. Shark propaganda. Mentally challenged scubadiving. Shark extinction. Shark fin soup. In the ocean vs. on-land. James Cameron’s submarine. Save the whales. Vashon Island. Tesla fires. Tesla public relations.
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Transcript
Jeff:
Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Jeff & Casey Show.
Casey:
Hello. And welcome to the Jeff & Casey Show.
Jeff:
2014. Season 4.
Casey:
Why do you have to do it? Why do you have to give the date?
Jeff:
Season 4. I’m giving it right back to you.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
I just feel like you don’t want to put a date in there because what if…
Jeff:
We’re timeless?
Casey:
One of the things that is definitely true about me and I think is also true about you is punctuality or getting things out on time is not my strong suit…
Jeff:
Our strong suit, yes.
Casey:
Right. I am not… I’m not your go-to guy if what you’re thinking of is, “Let’s get this out in a timely fashion.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So I don’t want to say 2014 because it could be 2015 and we’re like, “We just got the feed working. Here’s the shit from Jeff’s mason jar story from 7 years ago,” or however long it is at that point.
Jeff:
That’s true. Yeah, we can just be Season 4. I’m fine with that.
Casey:
Season 4.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
So here’s the thing. I was thinking about this the other day. I figured it was a good thing to bring up on the Jeff & Casey Show.
Jeff:
Yeah?
Casey:
I don’t know if it’s a long topic or a short topic but I’m just gonna say it…
Jeff:
Okay, let’s see where we end up.
Casey:
I feel like… You know how some languages… And I think possibly, you could even say that English sort of had this at one point and maybe doesn’t so much anymore. But in some languages, there’s sort of a concept of honorifics or, like, the concept that you’ve got 2 sets of words that you might words that mean the same thing but you pick which ones you’re using based on the class or social differential or status of the people who are speaking.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
It doesn’t matter… I’m not changing the word I’m using because I’m trying to refer to a subtlety in the subject matter. I’m choosing the word differently because I’m a peasant and you’re a king or there’s something that has to happen there, that’s what we’re going on.
Jeff:
Like, you’re talking about how you conjugate a little bit differently if you’re… Like in German, if you’re addressing someone that’s an elder…
Casey:
I know that Japanese has this.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
There’s honorific speech and there’s different levels of politeness where the meaning of the word does not really change at all, just…
Jeff:
I don’t know if German verbs do that but I know there’s German… I mean, it’s been so long since I took German but there’s definitely…
Casey:
I didn’t even know you took German.
Jeff:
Yeah, I took a lot of it. There’s definitely things where you would never use this phrasing among friends.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
It’s only if you’re addressing… Yeah.
Casey:
Yeah, there you go. Yes. You know what I’m talking about.
Jeff:
Yeah. Okay. I’m with you.
Casey:
I feel like, for lack of a better term, we have created that in English again for hipsters.
Jeff:
Like you mean, for example?
Casey:
For example, if you are a hipster coffee shop like the one downstairs here, you don’t purchase your coffee beans. You do not go out and buy coffee beans. You “source” your coffee beans.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
And there is no difference between these 2 words. If you go out and buy coffee beans, the word buy does not mean that you are indiscriminant about the purchase.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
You didn’t go and auction the coffee beans. You were just buying them from some nameless whatever, right? You may have taken a lot of care in what you’ve purchased, these coffee beans, but “source” is like, “We’re trying to let you know that we’re snobby. We’re trying to let you know that when we purchase things, we don’t just purchase them. We fucking source that shit. That shit is sourced.” Right?
Jeff:
Well, yeah, it may not be a hipster thing. It’s definitely something to do with coffee. And coffee does it all along the scale because I can never get a goddamn medium coffee because it’s different in every place…
Casey:
Right. Yes, exactly, like size names. Small, Medium, Large — totally not okay. Like, Starbucks was like, “No, no, no. There’s no Small, Medium, Large. What are you talking about? It’s ridiculous. Why would you ever say that? What you were gonna say was Venti or Grande,” or whatever the fuck. I don’t even know what language… Are they Italian? I have no idea.
Jeff:
I assume it’s Italian.
Casey:
Me, too because espresso… But I have no idea.
Jeff:
Yeah, I have no idea. I also will say that coffee is kind of this upper class-y kind of… Like coffee shops are kind of this upper class-y thing…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Even though coffee itself is as… Like drip coffee feels a little blue collar to me and it’s always been part of, “Oh, you have to get up at 6 AM. You’ve got to go do whatever your job is and you need a wake-me-up.”
Casey:
Right. Yes. Yeah, the old Mr. coffeemaker coffee in a little glass thing and whatever, yeah…
Jeff:
It feels like they were like, “Listen, we’re never gonna be able to sell coffee for $5 that everyone else is paying a nickel for until we class it up a little bit.”
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
So there is definitely some one percent-y happening there of achievable one percent-y things like, “Yes, so we can get the middle class seeing that this is…”
Casey:
We’re selling you on the dream.
Jeff:
It’s still drip coffee with some cream in it, right?
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
That’s been bubbled up, right? And I will say also…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
In Italy, which is the best espresso that I’ve had bar none, it’s amazing there…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
It’s not like… It’s cheap.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
It’s 50 cents. They take all the same ridiculous care and all that.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And it’s not that same snobby thing…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
It’s like, “No, this is a… We’re gas station for humans.”
Casey:
They just bought the coffee. They didn’t source the coffee.
Jeff:
They probably didn’t source the coffee.
Casey:
They just bought the coffee.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Okay. I see.
Jeff:
So yeah, I would imagine that the language that you use to frame an item has a lot to do with the money you want to charge for it.
Casey:
Yeah, I think so. Like, I think there is that kind of… I guess that’s definitely in keeping with the American class system which is that it’s very money-based. It’s not about who you were in some lineage. It’s about the money lineage. It’s about the cash. And so, that makes sense. It’s like, the case level that you are at determines the language that you use, right? To some degree, if that makes sense…
Jeff:
Yeah, I would agree with that. Did this come up recently when you were buying coffee downstairs?
Casey:
I’ve been seeing it a lot lately. I wish I had written down…
Jeff:
All the examples?
Casey:
We’re out of shape. We’re out of podcast shape. Like, my podcast muscles are flabby.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
So I’m just not… You know, there’s been things that I should have been taking note of…
Jeff:
Right. Well, you need to take your… [ Up your math ]…
Casey:
And so, I’d seen that sourcing was the most fresh in my mind because I had coffee just before I came here, you know.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
But I feel like I’d seen a couple things that were very much in that vein…
Jeff:
Here’s what I like. I like when they invent a word like that, “We source our coffee”.
Casey:
Right, “We source our coffee”, right.
Jeff:
To make it expensive and whatever.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And then, that flows through culturally.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And now, you go to Target and the big bags of coffee that are $7, the hugest bags…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Saying, “We locally source,” or, “We sourced this from one place…” And then you’re like, “This whole bag, this 19-pound bag of coffee beans is cheaper than a large cup at Starbucks.” And it’s like… So source is going to lose its power soon. They’ll need to come up with something else.
Casey:
Yeah, they’re gonna have to come up with a new word.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Well, a lot of the things… It’s interesting, too, because Starbucks is a fun thing to look at in that sense (or just the upscale coffee shops, in general) because… You’re right, they don’t really have something to sell in terms of a product, at some level because… I mean, one of the interesting things about coffee, too, is that coffee tastes like shit.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It’s a terrible fucking product. It’s bitter as fuck. It’s not a very good product. And the ability to differentiate between… If you are not a coffee kind of sir, the ability to differentiate between coffees that are vastly different in some real sense (like this one was from a totally different place, different elevation, different roasting process, blablabla). And most people are probably like, “Yeah, it tastes kind of like coffee or whatever.”
Jeff:
Well, I think it’s very easy to tell when coffee is burned. You can tell when it’s weak. And you can tell when it’s been sitting for a while.
Casey:
That would do that, yeah.
Jeff:
If you get that right, then it’s pretty good. Then you’re like coffee is coffee… I will say the texture of the coffee is pretty important in terms of, like espresso if it’s been bubbled up…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
If you’re drinking it straight.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Or if it’s like Italian style. Just a second here. Look straight out there. What’s going on here is we have a squadron of fighter jets…
Casey:
We do have a squadron of fighter jets.
Jeff:
I’m not sure what’s going on. It’s not Seafair right now so I’m not sure what that is.
Casey:
I don’t know. Me neither.
Jeff:
They look like old tiny airplanes, not jets, though, right? There are propellers.
Casey:
Yeah, it’s probably just some show thing.
Jeff:
Yeah. Anyway…
Casey:
Don’t care. But my point is on the Starbucks thing, though, is they are… So they are totally looking for things to sell you.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
And it’s everywhere in the store. Like, you go in and they’re like, “Look, we have created a special organization of people who go down and live with the natives and make sure that they have flat screen TVs and everything when we buy our coffee from them.” And they’ve got all these things that are totally ancillary to the purchase decision…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Like, it has nothing to do with the product. They’re just trying to sell you on the great feeling of getting some coffee from them in this weird sort of social way, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It’s like, “You know what we do? Every time you buy a cup of coffee, we plant a tree.” And you’re like, “Those are not related things at all,” right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
But that’s the… They don’t have a way to sell you the product so they’re trying to sell you feelings.
Jeff:
Yeah. Well, I think that’s definitely true. I mean, that was our whole thing of being everybody’s third place — home, work, and Starbucks. And it’s like, “That’s a thing.” So we’re like, “We need to make lots of places to sit down. We need to have music.” And now they’re selling the same music kind of bullshit…
Casey:
That’s true, they have their own… Yeah.
Jeff:
And there’s books there. There’s like… No, they’re trying to make a sensation of this. And really, when you think about it, they’re trying to make a sensation for you to satisfy an addiction that you have which is a funny thing. Like, certainly, cigarettes had a social aspect to them at one time. But you never had to go somewhere. Like, you can make coffee at home. You can smoke at home. But there’s not like the equivalent thing to a Starbucks where they’re actually trying to be a place that you go smoke.
Casey:
Well, there used to be, right? Like the cigar clubs…
Jeff:
Yeah, I guess I suppose there were cigar…
Casey:
And it’s gone now.
Jeff:
I suppose there were… Did you buy the cigars at cigar clubs?
Casey:
I don’t know.
Jeff:
I always kind of assume that you just smoke there.
Casey:
I don’t know.
Jeff:
I don’t know.
Casey:
That’s way out of my…
Jeff:
They have hookah clubs… I mean, the little hookah things in New York.
Casey:
Maybe all this shit happened before. Maybe if you’d been around when cigar clubs were a thing, maybe when you went to the cigar club, they were like, “We only trade at full price with the colonies for these,” like whatever the fuck.
Jeff:
It could be.
Casey:
I have no idea.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Maybe they had fair trade cigars back in the day. I have no idea. Or if it was really, like, what size cigar you wanted had some weird South American names for it, right, or whatever?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s like, “I want the gigante cigar,” or something.
Jeff:
Yeah, I assume that this is somewhat modern. But yeah, you’re right. It probably… There was probably…
Casey:
I have no… I think a lot of that sort of… That sort of product sales is definitely new, the lifestyle product sales is like a 1950’s sort of a thing, I think. I don’t actually know if that’s true but I believe that that was sort of… When marketing started to be a thing where everyone was trying to think about how to sell you shit that you didn’t need…
Jeff:
Because it was relatively unsophisticated before. When you look at the ads before the 50’s…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
There were so much text talking about crazy details about the product.
Casey:
Oh, yeah.
Jeff:
Yeah. They’re like rat ads where there’s just text everywhere about…
Casey:
And there was a ton of shystering. But the shystering was all about lying to you about what the product did rather than trying to lie to you about what the product meant.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
In the old days, we lied to you. We said, “You drink this tonic and it cures the flu,” but it’s actually arsenic or whatever, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
There’s no relation to the flu. So they lied to you about what the product actually did.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But now, they lie to you about what effect it has on your life. It’s like, “You will buy this car and then everyone will like you or whatever.” Not true.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But it’s like that is… It’s the lies that move. They don’t lie to you about what the car does. The car is completely unrelated… They don’t even discuss the car. The car is…
Jeff:
Well, one’s a much more powerful lie.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
One is you making a decision what to buy for where you’re at at that point. One is making a decision that you’re going to use this product forever.
Casey:
Right, yes.
Jeff:
So it’s a much more…
Casey:
Lifestyle lie.
Jeff:
Yeah, it’s a much better lie.
Casey:
What’s the lifestyle lie? This is… You know what, this is what we need to nail down for the Jeff & Casey Show. What is the lifestyle lie that we are going to tell the listeners about what is going to happen in their life because they're listening to his show, right?
Jeff:
And not that they’ll fall down a manhole because they’re listening to the show and not paying attention. It has to be a good thing.
Casey:
No, because that’s… I said a lie.
Jeff:
Okay. Oh, I see.
Casey:
That could totally happen.
Jeff:
Yeah, it could probably happen.
Casey:
Because these days, that’s totally… Although, it seems less likely now that we’re audio. When we were video, you’d look at it, maybe, and see… But if it’s audio…
Jeff:
I don’t know. I see people… Walking around New York in the rain, the number of people that have their umbrellas up and they’re looking at their phone makes me absolutely banana cakes.
Casey:
Really?
Jeff:
Because most people are shorter than me. So all those stupid umbrellas…
Casey:
Oh, are going right at your head. Okay.
Jeff:
It’s bad when they do it because it blocks the whole sidewalk when you’re walking really slow holding an umbrella. But if you’re short and you do that, you should just be arrested. It should just be like, “You go right to jail,” because that’s just fucking bullshit. You’re just walking around banging people with this stupid umbrella.
Casey:
Alright, good enough point.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
So for example, someone out there right now is not listening to the Jeff & Casey Show.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
They’re listening to some shit show like Radio Lab.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
What lie do we tell them about the impact that’s going to have on their life if they the switch to our show, right? Do you see what I’m saying?
Jeff:
Yeah, I don’t know. This is gonna be had. I mean, I think you can make all the standard lies of, like, “Hey, your life will be better. You’ll be better informed.” But I don’t think we’re pulling any of those lies off with the content of our show in general.
Casey:
But that’s okay. That’s why it’s a lie.
Jeff:
Yeah, but it has to be a plausible lie. If we just say…
Casey:
Does it?
Jeff:
Yeah, I think so because I think… I think it has to be a plausible lie in that… If I had to say what our lie is, it’s it lets you feel superior because most of our thing is about making fun of other shit. So our lie is, “You’re in on it, too”.
Casey:
Okay. Alright.
Jeff:
“And you’re not part of the problem.”
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
We’re all part of the problem. We’re making culture, not in this show, but every human being makes culture by the shit that they watch and that they put on them…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
So it’s all our fault where we’re at right now.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
But any show like ours is mostly about making… Like, just be pointing out the absurdity in things or just, like, the abject to pity and the things that we use every day…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Mostly, it’s about being inclusive in a “we are better than the idiots that made Windows 8” kind of way.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Right?
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Which is true.
Casey:
That is true.
Jeff:
Which is true.
Casey:
That is 100% true.
Jeff:
But now, we’re bringing our listeners and we’re all there.
Casey:
Okay, in on that.
Jeff:
Now, that said… Now, Windows 8, that’s an easy fucking hurdle, right?
Casey:
Right. Yeah. That’s a low bar to clear.
Jeff:
That’s one of those things, yeah.
Casey:
Because nobody likes it.
Jeff:
Nobody likes it.
Casey:
Well, here’s the thing, though, what I would say is we could fine-tune that lie in some sense.
Jeff:
Improve it.
Casey:
Yeah. We could take that lie up a notch, right?
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
We could position this show as — “The only people who can really listen to the Jeff & Casey Show are people who are really smart and can handle the mental extrapolation and explorations that we do.”
Jeff:
The mental load…
Casey:
So it’s like, stupid people can’t listen to this show. They just wouldn’t understand it.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So you know, right off the bat, if you are listening to the Jeff & Casey Show, that is a smart, mentally-capable person…
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Who has turned into this show.
Jeff:
So when you’re learning your to-don’ts, then that’s just another way that you are showing how smart you are…
Casey:
Yes. You’re one of the very smart people out there in the world who has ended up with several mason jars full of bacon grease and needs to know what to do to get rid of that. Right?
Jeff:
Right. Let’s not focus on filling the bottles up. Let’s focus in on how we get rid of them.
Casey:
How to get rid of them… So I like that positioning.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
I like the positioning that the Jeff & Casey Show isn't for everyone. It takes a certain refined intellect to really get in tune with us and come with us where we are going because we are going there…
Jeff:
And you’re going with us.
Casey:
And you’re going with us.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I do like the idea that you have to be prepared for not being on topic as part of the lie that we tell.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It would be better if the lie went a little off topic.
Casey:
Right, the lie is a little meandering.
Jeff:
It has to be… Or the lie is actually super long…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And has a story in the middle about the protein powder I took. And you’d have to explain… Alright, the lie… Yes, there’s some stuff about the protein powder.
Casey:
It would be awesome. It would be like the car ad, you know, it’s got the car racing around the cliff side or whatever. It’s like, “The new Infiniti S23 has all wheel drive system… Is that a squirrel in the tree? Did it just…”
Jeff:
“How heavy is that squirrel?”
Casey:
“I don’t understand why he’s actually in this part of the… You know, I’m just gonna go down there and check.” I mean, totally out of…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
There would be no actual… The car is long gone.
Jeff:
The car is gone.
Casey:
It’s gone. It rode off the cliff while someone was looking for the squirrel.
Jeff:
“And what’s this? Someone’s dumped some bacon grease here in the forest.”
Casey:
They’d be doing slalom through bacon grease jars in a controlled track, controlled kitchen. Do not try this at home.
Jeff:
It is true. Yeah, okay, I like that lie. That lie will work for us.
Casey:
Yeah, I think that’s a good lie. And it’s close to the truth. I do believe that if you didn’t have some mental agility, you’re lost. We lost you at the first bacon grease jar. They don’t know where jar # 3 is. Because here’s the thing. This is real. This is true. It’s actually not true.
Jeff:
You’re making this up?
Casey:
I disagreed with this… Well, no… It’s just that true is tough to say, right?
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
When you say something is true, what does that mean?
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
It’s like, if it’s not the sort of thing that is objectively verifiable… Like, if it’s not the sort of thing that we can go down to the International Standards and see how long the meter bar is and measure… I mean true in a semantic sense and stuff. You know what, let me just [inaudible 20:03] through this.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
This will explain why there’s so much [ couching. ] It’s an anthropological thing.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
And as you know, anthropologists make everything up.
Jeff:
Yeah, it’s all…
Casey:
It’s complete bullshit from start to finish.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
So when I say it’s true, what I mean is — “In anthropology, it’s true.”
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
It could mean that it’s true or false.
Jeff:
Alright, yeah, that’s true. Alright, I’m with you.
Casey:
They claim that the number of things you can enumerate in your brain is not the same across humans. So if you can look at 5 pennies on a table and instantly go, “There are 5 of them. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
They claim that there are cultures who cannot do this. 2 or 3 is the maximum.
Jeff:
Well, I mean, they can look and see that there’s 5. What you’re saying is keeping more than 2 concepts…
Casey:
So when they look at the 5…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
They just see many because you have this, too, if you saw a hundred thousand pennies on the floor or something. You would not know how many there were. Your brain wouldn’t be able…
Jeff:
Are you talking about the number or are you talking about the number or are you talking about…
Casey:
I’m talking about the number…
Jeff:
Like, if you talk about the psychological thing of, like, “Hey, most people, if I start reading you numbers, can remember the 7 or 8 numbers that they can just lose their track on.”
Casey:
I’m sort of talking about that but I’m talking about, more specifically, in the object permanence sense. You have the ability to track some number of objects without really thinking about it. Like, I can probably put 10 pennies on the thing and you’d still know that there were 10. And when I move one of them around, you’d be like, “Oh, that was # 3.”
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
You have this ability, in your brain, to enumerate. And at some point, it breaks down because if I put 100 pennies, you would not even know how many there were without counting them individually, first of all.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
And you would rapidly lose track of how many there were and where they were and all that stuff. Your brain is no longer actually focusing on a hundred separate things. It just thinks of it as there’s a bunch of pennies, right?
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So at some point, you stop having the ability to minutely focus in on this thing, right?
Jeff:
I read something similar to that but not that exactly. But okay, I’ll stay with you.
Casey:
Does that make sense?
Jeff:
Okay, I’m with what you’re saying.
Casey:
Of course, at this point, I’d totally forgotten why I needed to bring this up.
Jeff:
Well, because of the number of concepts you can keep…
Casey:
Anyway…
Jeff:
But you need to keep track of these concepts, listening to this show…
Casey:
So what I was gonna say is the mason jar thing, there were 3 mason jars in that example.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
And you noticed I drilled right down because in my brain, I got all the mason jars there and I wanted to make sure…
Jeff:
You got the right…
Casey:
For the attentive listener…
Jeff:
That they were accounted for…
Casey:
That all the data was on the table and they knew where each mason jar was at every step of your absolutely inane reasoning process…
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Through that whole bacon grease thing…
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Right? But at some level, if you’re a 2-mason jar thinker…
Jeff:
You’re not gonna [inaudible 22:57]
Casey:
It doesn’t matter that I drilled down. You can’t… You don’t know. As soon as mason jar 3 came in, you were just like, “Fuck it. I’m done. I’m out.”
Jeff:
Are u saying… Keeping track of the number of things is different from keeping them…
Casey:
It’s not the number. It’s where they are and what they’re doing. It’s the state.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
It’s the state.
Jeff:
But pennies is a bad example of that, is all I’m saying, because that has a fairly small…
Casey:
[ Heads or tails? I don’t know ]…
Jeff:
I would say something like trying to keep multiple concepts in your mind at the same time is one of the things that is…
Casey:
As evidenced by the fact that I…
Jeff:
Parrots can count the shit on the thing. I saw a video where the parrot counted the shit up.
Casey:
Pair?
Jeff:
Parrots.
Casey:
Oh, parrots.
Jeff:
Count the shit.
Casey:
I thought you said pear like the fruit.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
I’m like, “What are you talking about?” Okay.
Jeff:
So what I’m saying is having a slightly more sophisticated example of it is, like, having data… 5 sets of data that is slightly contradictory and then being able to make sense of that…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
I would definitely see that being a good sign of being a smart person…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
How you reconcile that.
Casey:
Like someone who could listen to the Jeff & Casey Show. That's a good sign.
Jeff:
Okay, that’s a good one because we’re gonna have a lot of topics.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Parrots are coming up. The bacon’s coming up.
Casey:
Parrots are coming up?
Jeff:
We just talked about the parrots. They count. I know because I saw on YouTube, because I went on [ Bender ] one day, of parrots doing tricks because they do a lot of tricks.
Casey:
I did like that the other day you were kind of talking about… You claimed it was SeaWorld.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
You were, like, “Oh, there’s this SeaWorld show…”
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
“Where parrots get on a recumbent bicycle,” or something. I don’t even know what…
Jeff:
Oh, no, not a recumbent bicycle. It’s just a normal bicycle.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
No, I was…
Casey:
Could you actually… Since I didn’t understand it, when you explained it before, I had no idea what you were talking about. I didn’t know why it was at SeaWorld because parrots are not an ocean thing in my mind.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
So could you explain this again to everyone, while we have this recording, what the fuck you were talking about?
Jeff:
So at SeaWorld, they have the orcas and that. And then, they have the Master Crafts which are the boats.
Casey:
Master Crafts?
Jeff:
Master Crafts. They’re these boats and they do flips off of things. It’s a waterskiing show.
Casey:
Okay. So that’s not animal-based. That’s just humans?
Jeff:
Yeah. So it’s like these are things they have at Sea World.
Casey:
Sea World, alright.
Jeff:
They have elephants that you can ride on and camels…
Casey:
What? Now, hold on a second. If there is one thing that is not ocean-related, it’s a fucking camel.
Jeff:
No, it’s all there at SeaWorld and you walk around…
Casey:
Seriously?
Jeff:
It’s kind of like more of a slightly…
Casey:
It’s like a zoo.
Jeff:
It’s like a weird animal zoo.
Casey:
Okay. Alright.
Jeff:
Like, slightly aquatic.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Anyway, and so…
Casey:
I guess Slightly Aquatic World didn’t have the same… They were like [inaudible 25:34] was like, “I don’t… Can we come up with something else?”
Jeff:
“A better name…”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
What’s the lifestyle for people that go to SeaWorld? Like, kinda crazy kind of…
Casey:
I think there’s only one lifestyle if you go to SeaWorld. That’s, “I need something to do with these kids.”
Jeff:
Yes, that’s true.
Casey:
That is basically 100% of SeaWorld’s market, right? I don’t think there’s anything else.
Jeff:
All the commercials should just be the parents drinking, like, kinda wasted, just dragging their kids.
Casey:
It’s like, “Complimentary scotch,” on it, like you come in and they give you an alcoholic beverage.
Jeff:
But they also, in addition to… So you walk around through this little path and then they have these little ampitheaters. Like, remember [ the little theater ] when we saw The Owl in?
Casey:
Yeah, sure.
Jeff:
It’s like those, like, cement seats where you just sit down. And they have their shows. And one of the shows is they bring these exotic birds, parrots or whatever…
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Long plumage…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And then they fly around and do little tricks. And they do lots of shit.
Casey:
Yeah. Parrots are very, very smart.
Jeff:
Yes, they are very smart.
Casey:
I didn’t know they were that trainable, though, because I thought they kind of did… I thought birds kind of did what they wanted. But I guess you could train them a little bit.
Jeff:
Yeah. I think as long as the animals are food-motivated, you can make them do almost anything.
Casey:
Do whatever you want…
Jeff:
Yeah. Anyway, but one of the things is they have these exotic birds and they do these tricks. And then one of the, like… The finale is they have these 2 posts where the birds are chilling most of the time. It’s like little stands where they’re hanging on their little sticks. But they tie a little rope from one to the other.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And then they put this weird ass bicycle on the string so it’s balanced. So it’s kind of like they took the inner tubes off a bicycle. This is a wicked small bicycle. It’s like this… People can’t see right now. But I’m talking about a 6-inch by 8-inch tiny bicycle.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And there’s no tubes on the bicycle.
Casey:
How is it staying on the…
Jeff:
Wait, let me finish.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
There’s no tubes on the bicycle on the rims. So the rims kind of fit right exactly on the sides on the string.
Casey:
Right. Yeah.
Jeff:
And then, underneath it, it’s got a counterweight to kind of pull down…
Casey:
To keep it taut, okay…
Jeff:
To keep it taut…
Casey:
Like a circus…
Jeff:
And then it just kind of sits there. So they’re not having… The bird does not have to balance the bicycle.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
It does not have to steer the bicycle.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
It just gets its little beak on the little pedals…
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
And just kind of runs which makes the chain go and then the bicycle shoots from one end to the other.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
That’s all that it does.
Casey:
Now, I feel like… And I guess I don’t know but I’m just going to go out on a limb here and say I feel like you fucking love that.
Jeff:
Oh, yeah. That was awesome.
Casey:
You’re loving that.
Jeff:
Animals doing people things is one of my favorite things.
Casey:
Yes, alright.
Jeff:
That may have been where it started because that was one of the first times…
Casey:
Oh, how old were you at this point?
Jeff:
Oh, God. I would have been 8. This was way before YouTube.
Casey:
Oh, my God. Alright. So this is, like… Oh, wow…
Jeff:
Yeah, this is like…
Casey:
I thought this was… Because in my mind…
Jeff:
This was the late 70’s.
Casey:
When I think of you going to these ridiculous things, I think of you as being, like, 30 or something.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Well, no, because remember, you were telling me about when you were trying to feed the seals and one of them was being a dick, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Reality, not the show…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
You were a grownup.
Jeff:
Yeah, I was a grownup.
Casey:
You were 30 or something, right?
Jeff:
These things happen.
Casey:
Yeah. So I think, “Oh, he probably went to SeaWorld.” I said that the only market for people is people who want to do something with their kids.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Obviously, implicit in that is “and Jeff” because, obviously, you also want to see the…
Jeff:
No. We did do a recent animal thing, though.
Casey:
What do you mean?
Jeff:
We went to the Point Defiance Zoo and swam with the sharks down there.
Casey:
Right, right, right. How did that go? Why would anyone want to swim with sharks?
Jeff:
So here’s the whole… Here, I’ll tell you the whole story because it’s a combo story.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Okay. First part of the story that you have to know is the Tesla has 60 miles on it, okay.
Casey:
That’s it?
Jeff:
Yeah. I only have 60 miles of range on the Tesla.
Casey:
So you have not… It’s barely charged.
Jeff:
Barely charged
Casey:
That’s, like, a fifth of the tank.
Jeff:
It’s one of those situations where… So I lose mileage every day in the car because I have to charge very slowly because I’m plugged in to a line at my condo.
Casey:
Now, it doesn’t increase?
Jeff:
What?
Casey:
It loses… Oh, you lose miles every day if you’re driving?
Jeff:
If I’m driving.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And then on the weekend, I get the weekend just sitting there…
Casey:
It fills it back up again.
Jeff:
It fills it back up.
Casey:
You are charging at, like, half a house line’s worth or something, right? It’s like 8 volts or something?
Jeff:
I was at 110, 8 amps.
Casey:
8 amps, rather.
Jeff:
Yeah. So very slowly.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Anything more blows the sign in front of the building because it’s plugged into the same thing.
Casey:
Actually, can you just take a second? Because they’ve never heard this. Can you just tell them how you’re charging your car right now.
Jeff:
I was plugging… So I’m plugging it in to a light switch.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And…
Casey:
Okay, let me give them the background here because you’re not telling it. You’re not giving them the full story.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Alright. So Jeff lives in a condo complex, obviously, right? There’s a parking garage.
Jeff:
There is.
Casey:
He has a Tesla but there is no electrical outlet to plug the Tesla into.
Jeff:
Correct.
Casey:
So there’s no way to charge the Tesla.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
So for a while, what he was doing was…
Jeff:
Public charging…
Casey:
He was trying to charge it at the library. He was charging at the public library.
Jeff:
Yeah, and I got a ticket.
Casey:
Then, he started getting ticketed because he would just leave it in the charging spot at the public library all day.
Jeff:
Well, you’re only allowed to park at the library for 4 hours. That’s barely a drink for it to charge the car.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
That’s a whole separate thing.
Casey:
So hold on. Alright…
Jeff:
I wrote a lot of letters about those that day.
Casey:
Did you actually write a letter?
Jeff:
Yeah, like, this is retarded. Why do you have electric charge… There’s no car, in 4 hours, that gets enough of a charge to even be worth the $20,000 insulation you did here, right? And I’m paying for that.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Like, I pay $1 an hour for the public charging which is the world’s shittiest deal which is, like, roughly equivalent to a Prius versus gas mileage situation.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
So it’s a terrible deal. Anyway, okay, continue.
Casey:
So then, you’re like, “Alright, I’ve got to figure out a way to plug this in at home because…
Jeff:
Or I’m gonna get… Yeah.
Casey:
Because it’s just not worth it. I’m gonna have to get rid of the car or something, right, it’s a problem. So you basically found a light switch that was way the fuck… Like, it was nowhere near your spot. I mean, it is 6 or 7 spots away.
Jeff:
Very far away.
Casey:
Very far away. And it’s kind of janky. It’s up in the ceiling. Where the fuck is it?
Jeff:
It’s an outlet that happens to be right by the light fixture. They plug the light fixtures to illuminate the front of my great big building.
Casey:
Okay. So the thing is illuminating the front of the building. So you got an extension cord…
Jeff:
So me and [ Won ] went over to Target.
Casey:
Oh, [ Won ] was responsible for this.
Jeff:
[ Won ] was in on this.
Casey:
Alright. Okay.
Jeff:
And we bought a wicked long extension cord.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
And then, I was very careful. I wound it around all of… You know, because there’s pipes hanging around…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
So I wound it around the pipes so it was totally not on the ground and bothering anybody.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
And I was plugging it in my car. And then every day, when I came out, somebody had unplugged it.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And I was like, “Uh, alright, fine.” I plug it back in.
Casey:
In your mind, were you like, “What a bunch of dicks, unplugging my car…”
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
So you were angry about this.
Jeff:
I was like, “This is a passive aggressive…” Like, talk to me about this. Just the unplug felt very passive aggressive to me.
Casey:
Right. Yeah.
Jeff:
And I hate that. Like, “Let’s talk about this like fucking adults.”
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Anyway, what happened.
Casey:
Yes. “Let’s talk about this like functional adults.” And in my mind, I’m picturing you gesticulating wildly with a mason jar filled with bacon fat in your hand. And the other person is there going, “I don’t know what’s going on. Why is this plugged in?”
Jeff:
No, it’s… So finally, one morning, I come down. It is still plugged in but it is no longer charging.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
I’m like, “What happened here?”
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
I go out and look…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And it’s an EFI outlet…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
And it is tripped.
Casey:
Okay. Now, why is there an EFI outlet… Is it because…
Jeff:
Because [inaudible 33:27]
Casey:
Because it’s external? The rain could get in there…
Jeff:
Well it’s not external but it’s outside…
Casey:
Okay, yes.
Jeff:
So I look out the edge of the building and I’m like, “Oh, all the fucking lights in the whole building are off.” And I realize what had been happening is I’ve been… The Tesla had been tripping the goddamn breaker, turning off the lights. And then they come back and go fuck and then go unplug it and hit reset.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Because it had to otherwise it would trip again.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
So then, I put 2 and 2 together there…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And then the Tesla lets you just randomly set the amperage.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
So I just kept setting it down…
Casey:
Until you found the trip point?
Jeff:
Well, just until they hadn’t unplugged it eventually.
Casey:
Did you [ research ] that shit?
Jeff:
No, I didn’t. I went down and [inaudible 34:07] So for 4 days in a row, it was off. And then the 5th day, it went from… I think it starts at 15 and I got it all the way down to 9 and it stayed but then I went one lower just to be sure.
Casey:
Just to be sure?
Jeff:
Because at that point you’re like… So anyway, I get very little charge.
Casey:
Yes, you do.
Jeff:
So I have this thing down at the zoo and Dawn happens to be in town. So we’re doing stuff. So it doesn’t get the weekend’s worth of charge.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
So I’m down to 60 miles.
Casey:
Okay. Now, 60 miles isn’t even enough to really get to the Point Defiance Zoo…
Jeff:
No, I put it into the nav and it was 30 miles away. So I’m, like, 30 miles there, 30 miles back. Bingo. We’d make this shit…
Casey:
That’s not bingo. That’s like a guaranteed [inaudible 34:50]
Jeff:
And also, I drove all the way to Kirkland once when I only had 6 miles.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
And I had to drive it, like, 20 miles an hour on the bridge but I made it…
Casey:
Okay. So in your mind, you’ve already made the decision (in that Jeff Optimism way) that these are miles that…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
These are [ musk ] miles or something.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
They’re, like, [inaudible 35:08] and if I need to get a little more out of the car, I can.
Jeff:
Well, if I just dive slow, then I’m not using as much juice. That was the plan.
Casey:
Okay. Alright.
Jeff:
So we get in the car and we’re going down there. We realize that our appointment is half an hour earlier than we had thought it was. Okay?
Casey:
Oh, so driving slow, not on the…
Jeff:
So we’re fucked. It’s not on the table. So I’m like, “We will charge it when we get to the zoo. I’ll find a public charging place. We’ll go get some coffee…”
Casey:
Right. Yeah. [inaudible 35:41]
Jeff:
Yeah. That’s the plan. Just get the fuck down there.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
So we get down there…
Casey:
So this plot’s gonna thicken because that’s what I would think to do…
Jeff:
It’s a whole production.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
So we go to the zoo.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And we rush in there and we’re running down. We get in there and they’re like, “Oh, my God. You’re very late. You know, we’re just gonna rush you in here. We’re gonna skip the safety training. We’re just gonna get you in the tank.” And I go, “Okay.” And they go, “So you’ve all scuba dived before?” And we all go, “No.”
Casey:
What?!
Jeff:
And they’re like, “Alright, it’s really simple. You put this in your mouth. Make sure you don’t breathe through your nose. Just breathe through the breather thing.”
Casey:
Oh, my Lord…
Jeff:
So they give us these dry suits…
Casey:
What’s wrong with you fuckers?
Jeff:
That goes on top of our clothes.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And they’re made… You kind of pull your neck open and you squat down…
Casey:
Alright…
Jeff:
Then you let your neck go… And it’s tight around your neck…
Casey:
I’m sure it is.
Jeff:
And the wrists and feet and ankles…
Casey:
Well, it’s called a dry suit so there better not be any…
Jeff:
And then you stand up and all the… It sucks in like you’ve been shrink-wrapped.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So it’s just like you feel all weird like everything’s squished to you.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And then they’re like, “Here’s the breather. Hop in the tank.” There’s a guy down there who’s been in the tank for 20 minutes because he’s been in there a long ass time because they’re like… So you’re going down there. There’s 4 people. There’s 3 of us — Me, Dawn, and Sarah are all going.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So you go in. So I go in there first.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And it takes a second to get used to breathing underwater, like, actually inhaling itself…
Casey:
Yeah, yeah…
Jeff:
But you get it. And I was having a little fussing with the mask because I have a mustache so I wasn’t getting a super tight seal and the water was getting…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Anyway, get that done and… Alright, here’s the sharks… And there’s a couple funny things that happened. First off, they are telling you facts about the sharks in these underwater speakers.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So it’s like, “The great white shark is one of earth’s mightiest predators, blablabla…”
Casey:
Whoa, slow down. Let’s back this up a second. You did not go swimming with a great white shark.
Jeff:
No, I think they were nurse sharks.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
There were ones that were more dangerous than great white sharks.
Casey:
Because a great white shark wouldn’t fit in anything at the Point Defiance Zoo, am I right?
Jeff:
No, it would fit. Yeah, it would fit.
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
The nurse shark they have there is 15 feet long. It’s a huge animal. You remember fucking ET.
Casey:
What? ET?
Jeff:
The walrus that we went… The walrus.
Casey:
Oh, yeah, it was adorable.
Jeff:
It was 4,700 pounds. They have big aquatic areas there. And the space that they have for the aquarium…
Casey:
But that’s an agile… A great white shark is like Jaws. That’s like Jaws.
Jeff:
That was a very large great white. They’re not… All great whites are not 28 feet long and…
Casey:
Well, why is it called a great white shark, then?
Jeff:
It doesn’t matter. Just pay attention for a second.
Casey:
I’m paying attention. I’m paying so much attention that I don’t understand.
Jeff:
Here’s what they said… Because we get in there and I’m like, “Do we have to keep our hands in? What do we do?” And he’s like, “Look, don’t worry about it. All of these sharks are very… The nurse shark is the most dangerous. All of these sharks are fed every day. They don’t want anything… They don’t eat the other fish in the exhibit because it’s just too much work. They don’t give a shit. They’re conditioned that food comes on a stick at 5:30. In fact…” One second…
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
“You do not have to worry about it. These sharks…” And it’s true. They’re just slowly swimming around, looking at stuff. And he said, “The only thing they expect is when the stick is lowered in, they think it’s food.” So they had a GoPro on a stick to film us on the tank. And they stuck in there. And one shark did come up and go… And gnawed it and went, “Oh, it’s not food,” and swam away. But for the most part, they swim the slowest circles in front of you. They don’t give 2 shits that you’re in there. It’s completely boring.
Casey:
So I just want to make sure I absolutely understand what’s going on here.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
So what you’re telling me is that you are swimming, unprotected, in a pool filled with meat-eating large sharks.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
And the degree to which you are being kept safe is, and I quote, “that the sharks don’t feel like eating you right now”?
Jeff:
Yeah. They don’t… Yes, that’s true.
Casey:
That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard…
Jeff:
No, they’re like… It doesn’t matter. But that part of the story is not relevant. I’m saying they don’t even eat the fish that are in the tank. And the fish are fish they would eat in the wild. They don’t even eat those. They’re just big, fat, lazy…
Casey:
I don’t care. This is ridiculous. I can’t believe what I’m hearing right now.
Jeff:
I’m just saying if you feed a predator and they find that they don’t have to do any work and they can eat as much as they want. They’re not going to waste the energy to go, like…
Casey:
You’re doing that thing that you hate it when other people do which is you’re projecting yourself into the mind of the shark. You’re like, “Oh, yeah. You know how it is. You’re just hanging out watching TV…”
Jeff:
No, wait. I’m doing the opposite of that. I’m not…
Casey:
You’re not.
Jeff:
The human would still go after the fish in this tank.
Casey:
Would it?
Jeff:
Yes. I believe… Because I think the human just wants to do things for fun.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
The sharks are just dim. They’re just swimming around like, “Oh, food is provided. I don’t need to go get food.”
Casey:
This is a terrible idea.
Jeff:
In any case, we’re sitting there. Nothing’s happening. And I’m sitting there. They’re telling you some story…
Casey:
Well, what do you want to happen?
Jeff:
Wait, let me finish. Well, I thought there’d be some, like, shark on shark fighting… Nothing. So we’re sitting there. And they’re telling us the facts like, “Sharks are an endangered species.” But you’re breathing into the rebreather thing, into the tube…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And when you exhale, all the bubbles go past your ears. So it kind of goes like this…
Casey:
[ So you’re really getting partial shark facts ]…
Jeff:
“The nurse shark… And that’s why they don’t…” I can’t hear anything, right.
Casey:
Alright, this is great.
Jeff:
So then, I’m in there and Dawn gets in and she’s having a hard time with her mask, kinda fighting it. And then, Sarah’s getting… So I turn… And now, we’re pretty packed in this end of the pool — 4 of us along this wall. I finally turn to the 4th guy. And you know, you have the mask on so you don’t have any peripheral.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So he’s been on my left here the whole time. I had never really looked at him.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
I turn and look at him and we’re, like, mask to mask like looking over… And I realize he’s retarded. He’s mentally challenged. And so, I immediately go… Because it surprises me because we’re, like, literally 8 inches, face to face, and he’s got this crazy smile on. He’s having the best time ever. He’s probably 72 degrees by this point because he’d been in the water for so long
Casey:
You’re killing me. Why does it matter that… Why did you have that factoid? Why did “He’s probably 72 degrees” come into it?
Jeff:
Well, because he’s been in for 30 minutes. You’re only supposed to be in there for a short time.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
He would have been taken out…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
But then we came in and they just kept us all in at the same time. So I’m like, “He’s got to be fucking freezing.”
Casey:
This story is getting better and better.
Jeff:
So then I turn over to Dawn and I’m like… And you can’t speak but I’m trying to, like… Trying to get her to notice…
Casey:
So basically, the only thing that would be better was if also, there was a dwarf in there. You like all that shit. I’m sure this was… That was probably better than the swimming with the sharks part for you.
Jeff:
No. Anyway, so that freaked the shit out of me because I was unprepared to deal with… Now there’s a lot of variables in the mix.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
So the one good thing is you finally, after about 10 minutes, get used to breathing through the thing.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And then, as soon as you stop having anxiety about the breathing, your partner on the left, all this shit that’s going on; it’s pretty boring. It’s like being in an aquarium only you’re in really cold water.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Because they’re just swimming by. You’re not feeding them. You’re not doing anything. So then, you’re like, “Alright, I’m ready to go.” So fortunately, they then pull us out. So I don’t know if we’d got there on time, if we would have literally been there an hour like he was…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
He was shaking when he got out. He was very cold.
Casey:
Oh, that’s true. If you do go down to 72 degrees…
Jeff:
Yes. I mean, it’s cold water.
Casey:
Because your body’s going to be really struggling to keep it up…
Jeff:
Yeah, I mean, the normal thing of, like, when you get in the water, it’s that shocking cold. And you go in slowly. It takes forever to get in the ocean because you’re like, every little inch… But this, you just kind of hop in. So it’s all at once. And you’re so anxious about the breathing. I didn’t realize I was cold until I was out. You’re all adrenaline-d up and everything.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Anyways, it was whatever, boring. They pull us out, take all our stuff off. And then they make us sign this Non-Shark Fin Eating Pledge or something.
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
Because there was, like, 8 people on staff here and it cost, like $46. It was crazy cheap. And I’m like, “This whole thing… They made 200… There’s no way this is paying for itself.” There’s marine biologists and there’s tanks and equipment. And so, I’m sure they got some grant about… Because they made this paperwork at the beginning where you’re like, “Describe sharks.” And then you describe sharks after…
Casey:
Oh, whoa, whoa… Slow down. So this was actually like a fucking shark propaganda…
Jeff:
Sort of.
Casey:
Oh, wow.
Jeff:
Because what it became clear they’re trying to do is stop shark fin soup which is a pretty unethical thing in terms of things you can eat.
Casey:
Why?
Jeff:
Because you don’t use the shark. They literally cut the fin off and the shark dies.
Casey:
Why is that unethical?
Jeff:
Well, in the sense of, they’re not using it to eat. They’re not using it to do anything else. And sharks are very endangered. So if you’re killing them just for…
Casey:
Yeah, but that’s… Well, [ I’ll talk about something for a minute ].
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
I definitely want no sharks. Like, a world with not sharks is the best possible world.
Jeff:
Yes. Okay. Then, you don’t have to sign the pledge.
Casey:
So as far as I’m concerned shark fin soup is totally fine. I mean, I feel like you should…
Jeff:
Well, there’s 2 things…
Casey:
Can’t you use the shark meat for something, though? That’s the only… The only thing I would object to is you might as well you might as well eat the rest of the shark.
Jeff:
It’s not… Yeah. Apparently, the rest of the shark is not that tasty.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
And shark fin is not tasty, either. It’s only because it has these untrue things of, like, “Oh, hey. It’s an aphrodisiac. It helps that…”
Casey:
Well, that’s totally true. If you’ve ever had it, like, let me tell you. That was the night.
Jeff:
I think that’s one of the reasons it really bothers the people who work with the sharks is not even a good reason to do this. It’s just silly. It’s not like we’re over fishing them. It’s like we’re taking them for this kind of fantasy that’s not true.
Casey:
But also, I feel like… When is someone gonna own up to the fact that getting rid of sharks is a good idea? Someobdy needs to step up to the plate and be like, “I’m Bob Ballard, president of the [inaudible 46:43] Institute. Sharks are a fucking menace and we need to eliminate them.” When is that public service announcement getting played, right?
Jeff:
So, my only argument there would be… Like, hey, if you have to get rid of large mammals…
Casey:
A shark is not a mammal.
Jeff:
Yeah, I understand. What we talked about previously when we were talking about this. We were like, “I’m fine with there being no bears,” or I can’t remember what it was…
Casey:
No bears is fine, too. I’m fine with that.
Jeff:
I feel like we have a handle of the shit that’s happening on land because we’re on land, too. And we can look at this and go, “Alright, the bears, they’re getting the honey. They cause a lot of trouble.”
Casey:
Okay. So that, in my fantasy world where everything that I want to have happen comes true, you give like a TED Talk that is that. It’s like, “Look, everyone. Here’s the deal. Things that happen on land, we understand because we’re on land, too.” Then it’s like…
Jeff:
[inaudible 47:47] just the ocean…
Casey:
[inaudible 47:47] in the ocean. We have no idea what happens out there.”
Jeff:
Okay. My point is, compared to the ocean where… There’s still… Every time fucking Cameron goes down in his fucking submarine thing, they discover some new fucking bullshit…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Like, there’s just shit that goes on in the ocean that we don’t get.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
It’s just so big. It’s so much bigger.
Casey:
But what does that have to do with anything.
Jeff:
We don’t know what sharks’ true purpose is down there. If we eliminate all the sharks, maybe all of a sudden, all of the little fish that they eat get totally overwhelm and we get no tuna anymore. It’s one of those…
Casey:
No, because that’s the whole thing about sharks. It’s like you don’t have to worry because sharks eat stuff that we would eat. Like, sharks eat relatively large fish, right? So we can handle that. We can eat the stuff that sharks are eating.
Jeff:
We don’t know that.
Casey:
A whale is harder, right? If you get rid of all the whales, I don’t want baleen I don’t even know what it is.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I mean, let alone do I want it on my plate.
Jeff:
I understand…
Casey:
It doesn’t even sound real or plankton. Sorry, baleen is the thing that you use to catch the plankton. Plankton doesn’t sound delicious to me.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Right? And so, when you say, “Save the whales,” I’m like, “Alright.” I don’t have a plan for plankton. But you’re like, “Save the sharks.” I’m like, “What the fuck for? He eats that fish. We could eat the fish that they’re eating.”
Jeff:
We’re not down there enough to know what the hell is going on is all I’m saying.
Casey:
Or we can put a camera on it. Stick a GoPro on the head of all the sharks that you find, watch what they’re eating and just make sure we’ll eat it, too.
Jeff:
Maybe if you do that…
Casey:
Problem solved.
Jeff:
Maybe if you do that way, you can just get rid of only the sharks that aren’t carrying their weight, too.
Casey:
Or sharks that are dicks.
Jeff:
Right. If this asshole shark…
Casey:
Like if this shark seems like an asshole… You’re done.
Jeff:
Yeah, just like… We’re just gonna… Yeah… We put, like, a little Taser in the GoPro. It shocks…
Casey:
It’s like asshole shark fin soup. It’s no longer shark fin soup.
Jeff:
It’s asshole shark fin soup.
Casey:
Nice sharks, they don’t get made into soup. But if you’re a dick and you’re going around just being a dick aquatically…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Then you’ll be in the soup.
Jeff:
Okay. So now, we get out. We sign this pledge that we’re not gonna eat shark fin soup…
Casey:
So I’m already anti this whole thing because it’s pro-shark and I’m anti-shark. So we’re at odds…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
I’m just at odds with it.
Jeff:
So I get out to the car.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
And it is 15 degrees that day. It is cold.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
So in that [ Tesla way ]…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So I had 32 miles when we went into the zoo.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
After an hour and a half or so, I back out and I have 10 miles. And I’m like, “Oh fuck…”
Casey:
Right, because the battery has cooled…
Jeff:
Because it’s just so fucking cold, yeah.
Casey:
And plus, it tries to keep its own battery warm…
Jeff:
Yeah, I don’t know what its… Yeah, it’s terrible.
Casey:
It’s been using…
Jeff:
When it’s really cold outside, it uses a lot of juice.
Casey:
It’s over, yeah.
Jeff:
Probably even more than even [inaudible 50:31] but in any case, it spends some energy. Anyway, so now I got a serious problem on my hands. So I’m like, “Alright, we need to find a plug and we need to find it quick.”
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
So then we look at one. We find a place very close. We go over there. And I realize a week before this trip, I had taken the car to Tesla to do the annual checkup.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
They do the annual checkup and then they plug the car in while you’re waiting to come get it so when you get it, it’s fully charged.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
So when I got out there, I unplugged it from the charger and I didn’t take the little adaptor that you need because figured it was Tesla’s.
Casey:
Oh, no!
Jeff:
It’s mine. So I’m like, “Fuck. We can’t plug in, guys.” And so, I’m like, “Okay, we’ve got a serious problem situation.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So then, I had a brilliant idea. I thought…
Casey:
I doubt that very much.
Jeff:
I’m looking on the map and I go, “The fucking ferry terminal’s right here.”
Casey:
Oh, my God.
Jeff:
And Sarah’s with us. And she goes, “Yeah, sure. The ferry terminal…” It’s like a little hop to get Vashon.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
It’s an awesome way to go, by the way.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
It’s like, whoop, and you’re there.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So I’m like, “Okay. I’ve got it. We hop on the ferry. We get to Vashon. We drive the length of Vashon which is 9 miles. Then we get on the north end ferry terminal which jumps us in the west side…”
Casey:
Yeah. How did you get back here?
Jeff:
And then… We don’t get back here. We limp it over to the Tesla place. Or if we run out, Tesla can come get it there. At least it’s not on fucking…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Down in…
Casey:
Support the sharks…
Jeff:
Yeah, the shark place. So that’s the plan.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So we start that plan. We do it.
Casey:
Now, mind you, for the non-mentally challenged people in the tank, you lost 22 miles…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
In only the hour that you were in the tank…
Jeff:
Yeah. And I don’t… I assumed…
Casey:
So the ferry ride, you’ll have no miles left.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I mean, that’s gonna… You’re gonna get off that ferry. You’re gonna have 2.
Jeff:
I actually don’t think we’d lost 20 miles. I think it just had time to get a more accurate prediction or I don’t know what,
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
I mean, I think it was a combination.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Anyway, so yeah. But I’m like, “We’ve just got to make it.”
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So we go. We’re driving up Bainbridge and it’s going 9, 8, 7…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Now the bad part of the plan is that Bainbridge is wicked hilly.
Casey:
Vashon.
Jeff:
Vashon, sorry. It’s just up and down…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Even the straight shot…
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
But it’s straight up, straight down…
Casey:
It’s not flat, yeah.
Jeff:
So it’s like, “We’re gonna make it. We’re gonna make it.” And then, we turn up and we’re like, “We’re fucked. We’re fucked. We’re gonna make it. We’re gonna make it.” So it does that all the way there. I get to the point where it goes to zero and it says, “Warning! Warning! Warning!”
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
And I’m still driving.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And I’m like…
Casey:
It’s like your battery’s about to melt down…
Jeff:
And we get to the north side ferry terminal. And I’m like, “We can get on the ferry but I don’t think it will turn back on.”
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
“I think it would probably go ‘til it’s dead while you’re moving, for safety reasons.”
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
“But once we turn this thing off, it’s not gonna turn on again.”
Casey:
[inaudible 53:49] would have to come down with his own personal key to turn this thing back on. You’ve got a point.
Jeff:
So then… Fortunately, Sarah’s mom lives at the north side ferry terminal.
Casey:
Yeah, the ferry terminal, yeah.
Jeff:
And she owns the Mexican restaurant right next to it.
Casey:
Yes she does.
Jeff:
So I’m like, “Alright, fuck it. I’m pulling in here.” We pull in at the Mexican restaurant and I’ll just plug it into the wall and…
Casey:
Blow out all the circuits at the Mexican restaurant…
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Just like you did a year ago…
Jeff:
No, no. So that was the plan. And then I get back to the car and I realize the charging cable isn’t here because I plugged it into the light switch. So I have no way to plug it in. So I’m like, “We’re fucked. I have no plug… I can go…” Alright, so I’m like…
Casey:
This is one of the best bad Jeff stories… This is better than the grease in the mason jar.
Jeff:
So all of this is…
Casey:
It’s amazing.
Jeff:
All of this comes from one base problem which is you really have to have home charging for Teslas to work. [inaudible 54:48]
Casey:
There’s sort of…
Jeff:
Public charging’s not where you need it because… Like, all these are problems, like, “Yes, I left the adaptor at Tesla. And yes, I did…”
Casey:
But there shouldn’t be adaptors…
Jeff:
But there’s like all that… Yes. Right.
Casey:
There should have been one plug.
Jeff:
Yeah. You don’t have adaptors. You go to the gas… It’s, like, all just infrastructure problems where it’s just not there yet.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And if I had home charging, like regular home charging…
Casey:
It would have been full anyway.
Jeff:
It would have been… Or had 180 miles or something because I’d charge 4 time faster.
Casey:
The real home chargers will charge the car entirely in 8 hours.
Jeff:
Yeah. Right.
Casey:
That night, you would have been full.
Jeff:
That’s right.
Casey:
Every night, you’d be totally full again.
Jeff:
So anyway, so then we’re just like, “Fuck it.” We hang out with Sarah’s mom for a while then we jump on the ferry and just come back and leave the car here.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And I email Tesla and say, “Hey, I need to come pick up the goddamn adaptors because I can’t plug this in.” Then Tesla calls me back and goes, “We looked up your car. You’re out of juice.” And I go, “Yeah, I know, man. It was a crazy 10 miles.” And they go, “No. You’re out of juice to the point…” Because Teslas have a failure point.
Casey:
Yeah because you can’t… The battery needs electricity to charge itself because it’s an active management system, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
And somehow, they managed to engineer it… I guess it’s like, it’s just hard, [ this battery tech ]… So that once you’re below a certain point, it’s done, right? So they gotta fuck that.
Jeff:
So they’re like, “You need to go plug it in.” And I’m like, “That was the last ferry. There’s no getting to Vashon… I mean, there’s one at 3 AM or something…” And she’s like, “That’s too late. Well, you can drive around to the south side thing.” And I’m like, “I’m not… That’s fucking retarded.” She’s like, “We’re sending somebody out.” So it was cool in the sense that they got somebody out…
Casey:
So that’s my favorite part, actually, about Tesla, is the fact… So all of the stuff is incredibly inconvenient about their car. There’s just a lot of really annoying things about the act of having to use the car, right? But almost all of them end in a failure case where they have to deal with it.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
And I love that. They had to pick your car up from so many fucking places. I love that. If that was what happened with Microsoft Windows when like, I’m just like, “I don’t know. It’s fucked up again. Come over and fix this,” and fucking someone from there showed up at my house and had to deal with that shit every time and it was free and I don’t pay for that…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I’d be, like… Suddenly, it’s like Schadenfreude. I’m loving the fact that this dude is getting fucked every time. I can’t wait until Gary has to come over and deal with this horse shit again.
Jeff:
So I think the reason is… The more interesting thing about Tesla right now is that they’re trying to do their company and present an image to the public similar to a tech company where they have very strong in-house PR…
Casey:
Right, like Apple.
Jeff:
Right. They’re trying to do the Apple thing where we control how people see the car.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Which is interesting and cool. Like, “Hey, this is an interesting, different way…” Whether it works or not, long term, who knows?
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
But Chevy and Ford don’t have… Like, when you hear about, “Hey, there were 3 Teslas that started on fire.” And to the point where people were coming up and it’s like, “Oh, what do you think about these fires?” And you’re like, “There were 150,000 F-150’s that were recalled because there were apparently 3,000 fires.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Right? And not during breeches to the battery but, like, just driving along and it started on fire. So you see some of the weird agenda things that they’re having to fight, selling this new kind of car in a new kind of way…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Where a lot of how their company functions is based on how well their stock is doing…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
So that they can keep issuing… So that they can fund and not have to borrow money…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
They’re doing all this stuff which has the side effect. They don’t want bad press. So when you have a problem, they respond really quickly. Interestingly, that has been different for John when he’s had trouble with his Roadster.
Casey:
Roadster.
Jeff:
His service… He’s not a fan of Tesla service.
Casey:
But is that because of the location? Is it that Seattle’s better or is it just because the model S is what they care about?
Jeff:
I think it’s the model s is what they care about. John thinks its location. But we don’t know.
Casey:
We don’t know. Well, he needs to drive his car up here…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
And see what happens.
Jeff:
I mean, he has really funny stories of them.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Yeah. In any case, they get the car out. And then, 2 days later, I took the fucking 6 AM ferry. It was negative… I have a picture of the dock.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
All the wood was just frosted.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
It was so fucking cold.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Unbelievably…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
They have a tent you can wait in that has heaters in it, fortunately.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
But yeah, I took the ferry over there.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And then just hopped right back on the cart ferry. So then it was fine.
Casey:
But you said Tesla sent someone out there. What did they do?
Jeff:
They plugged it in and…
Casey:
So when you went back there, it was plugged in at the Mexican restaurant?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
I told them that, “Here’s the plug. The plug’s around behind the fence. Plug it in. You shouldn’t have to do anything. Just plug it in. It’s ready to go.”
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And they do have ways…
Casey:
So there’s somebody in the Mexican restaurant putting chips into a deep fat fryer, and some fucking representative from Tesla walks in and, like, “Do you guys have an outlet that we can use to charge this car?”
Jeff:
Yeah. Well, I told Sarah… I emailed Sarah’s mom and said, “Hey, can you go tell the Mexican restaurant there’s gonna be somebody in their backyard?”
Casey:
So awesome.
Jeff:
Anyway, yeah. It was a crazy Tesla nightmare.
Casey:
Well, we are at an hour. We didn’t get to anything in this show.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
We just basically, like…
Jeff:
That’s right, randomness…
Casey:
Alright. Well, that’s okay.
Jeff:
That’s what you wanted in audio.
Casey:
I loved every minute of it. I’m just saying that was crazy, how the time flew. It is literally an hour’s podcast.
Jeff:
Oh, yes.
Casey:
And that is what we got to. Alright, well, thank you very much for listening to that. And we will see you, hopefully, again next week on the Jeff & Casey Show.
Jeff:
Alright. Thanks, everybody.
Casey:
Thank you very much for listening.
Jeff:
Later.
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casey muratori
the jeff and casey show - season 4 - episode 2
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