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No Imperfections Noted
The Jeff and Casey Show
Jeff and Casey Time
Casey Muratori
Seattle, WA
Embrace Your Inner Asshole
"Your cookies are delicious, and fuck you."
Original air date: December 27th, 2009
Topics. Parties. Gregor Mendel. Dildos. Camping. David Blane. Shock hazard. Casey thanks Jeff. Being genuine. Socializing. Disingenuously charming. Clerks. Domestic violence. Bitch-slap. Fixations. Larry David. Quaternions.
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Transcript
Jeff:
Hey everybody. Welcome to the Jeff and Casey Show.
Casey:
Hello and welcome to the Jeff and Casey Show.
Jeff:
Day four of 12 days of Pod Cast.
Casey:
This is epic, you know.
Jeff:
Yes it is.
Casey:
We kind of have a reputation now and by reputation I mean that like, a few people know of us….
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
as doing just crazy Pod Cast stunts like our Mega Cast.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Never before attempted stunts.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And you know what? They’re kind of at the David Blaine level, like they’re not very difficult.
Jeff:
Right, right. We’re not really doing magic.
Casey:
They’re self-stated stunts.
Jeff:
Right, right.
Casey:
Right? He’s like, “Oh my God, I hung upside down for a few days.” He’s like, “Is that hard?”
Jeff:
I guess.
Casey:
I… I don’t know. I suppose.
Jeff:
That sounds like something. I mean you did get a cathadar.
Casey:
Yeah, well done.
Jeff:
Well done.
Casey:
If there’s anybody I want to see get cathadarized, it’s David Blaine.
Jeff:
Over and over again.
Casey:
So today, on our fourth day, The Four Calling Birds day of our 12 days…
Jeff:
Yeah. The Calling Birds. Alright
Casey:
Yes. I requested today, because I wanted to take an opportunity to thank you personally, Jeff.
Jeff:
Oh, thank me? Okay.
Casey:
For something, yes.
Jeff:
Yes. How nice. That’s lovely.
Casey:
This day is basically in honor of you, okay. And I’ll tell you why.
Jeff:
Okay, tell me.
Casey:
So, lately…
Jeff:
You’re welcome by the way. Okay.
Casey:
Okay. I’ve been trying… I’ve been doing some personal self assessment…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
over the past few years…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
just trying to set up my life in a way that I think everything is optimal for me.
Jeff:
Alright, perfect. I like it.
Casey:
So over time, I’m realizing things I do and don’t like and trying to minimize and maximize these things and so on and so forth.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Right? And I think that’s sort of… as you get older… like as I… So yesterday I talked about it a little bit, I feel like… it’s kind of the progression of getting older, can either lead you to become more and more bitter and how bad everything sucks, or you eventually start making decisions about what actually makes you happy and you get those things.
Jeff:
Okay, I’m with you.
Casey:
Right, yeah, exactly. And so I was realizing that I spend a lot of my time socializing actually.
Jeff:
Yes. You are a social butterfly.
Casey:
I’m out all the time. Really, I guess as I think about it. As odd as that sounds.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I really am out fairly often
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
And what I realized is I don’t like socializing. I don’t like it.
Jeff:
Right. What’s the line from Clerks? “You know I hate parties, but I love socializing?” I think that’s the line, right?
Casey:
“I hate people, but I love parties?” Is that what it is? “I love gatherings!”
Jeff:
Gatherings? Okay, right.
Casey:
“I hate people, but I love gatherings.” It’s ironic. I don’t know what it is.
Jeff:
We’re going to get this wrong anyway. Doesn’t matter, it’s a Pod Cast.
Casey:
It’s a fucking movie quote, which you think we could handle.
Jeff:
Yep. Yep. No.
Casey:
Uh, and so I realized… I thought about this… it’s kind of like; I don’t want to lighten it into something so severe. The go to in my head almost was a domestic violence relationship kind of thing.
Jeff:
Oh, God.
Casey:
Where like socializing convinces me to do these things because it has sort of formed a pattern of abuse to me and I keep going back to it because it claims it’s going to be better.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Right, you know what I mean?
Jeff:
You need to break that cycle of violence.
Casey:
It just fucking bitch slaps me and I just couch out to it. Right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s not that severe in that kind of trivialized domestic violence, right.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Not something we would shy away from on this fucking Pot Cast, but that’s beside the point.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s not that severe but it’s in my head, it’s like in that realm.
Jeff:
There is a positive…. right.
Casey:
I am basically, sort of, seeding my own self of esteem to socializing in some really bad way.
Jeff:
Sure. Okay. Right. And especially in the holidays you get dragged into more than you usually would. Like, “Oh well, I’m with somebody I barely know,” and it’s like, “Oh hey, your cookies are so delicious.” and fuck you and whatever.
Casey:
Yes, exactly. So I have some friends that I like to see.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
And I actually enjoy seeing them. Right, okay?
Jeff:
Of course.
Casey:
And everything else… I basically… there’s like a very few set of people that I go out with as groups or whatever, that I actually want to do. I keep doing that. But on the whole, when I go to random shit, I have no idea why I fucking went. It has never led to anything good.
Jeff:
You end up with crazy stories too.
Casey:
Sometimes I end up with crazy stories, yes.
Jeff:
“Oh, you know I went to a sushi gathering.” Like what? There’s such a thing?
Casey:
Yeah, It doesn’t matter.
Jeff:
Yeah, those kind of things. Yeah.
Casey:
Sometimes it gets a little out of hand, and that’s fine, whatever.
Jeff:
I was cake juggling the other day. I don’t know if you’ve ever juggled a cake. It’s a disaster, but it’s fun, we all get involved, it’s great, we laugh, whatever. It’s like; whoa, I didn’t know that was a thing, alright.
Casey:
So the reason that… so basically to finish that part of the segment off is just to say that, so one of the things I decided, going into 2010 is I’m actually going to try to do an evaluation of things I’m going to go to based on previous experience. Like…
Jeff:
Ahhhh…
Casey:
Like if this… like instead of going to a social event because I have one…
Jeff:
Sure.
Casey:
Like if I have something this Friday, and this Saturday, and this Sunday, whatever the fuck. Instead of just going to one because that’s what you do, I’m just not going to go if I don’t think that…
Jeff:
If the past time sucked.
Casey:
if the previous types of things like this were bad, I’m not going to that.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Right?
Jeff:
That seems like an excellent, um, you know…you make one at the first of the year…
Casey:
Yeah, New Year’s Resolution.
Jeff:
New Year’s Resolution!
Casey:
And that’s what it was. Exactly what it was.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So you may wonder why I thank you for this.
Jeff:
Okay, yes.
Casey:
And I’ll explain now why I thank you for this. The reason is, because I then decided, being the rational person that I try to be…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
I decided, well…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
and I realized that since this is Christmas and Christians don’t like to explore things, I’m being a little out of character here, but I being a science-minded individual was thinking. . . why, why don’t I like socializing?
Jeff:
Okay, sure.
Casey:
Right? And What I realized is, because my natural tendency, despite what you would assume from listening to this Pod Cast…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
is that in a social setting, my mind set is to make the other people around me enjoy themselves as much as possible.
Jeff:
Oh, I see.
Casey:
I am thinking about them.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Right?
Jeff:
You turn a switch.
Casey:
I don’t sound like what I sound like on this Pod Cast when I’m out at a party.
Jeff:
Wait, you don’t?
Casey:
No, not at all.
Jeff:
You don’t turn a switch on and oh like “oh hey, I’m a happy, go-lucky boy?” Because that’s me.
Casey:
No, no, no. Well no. What I mean to say is, yes, I may be animated or try to make people laugh and that sort of thing.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
But there’s a much more awareness… I’m not speaking my mind.
Jeff:
Oh, okay. I see.
Casey:
Right? I’m not like… I’m not being genuine or anything like that.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
What I’m saying… I’m not talking about the topic I most want to talk about. I’m selecting things that I think everyone wants to hear, or letting them talk about what they want to talk about and just playing along with that. Right?
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
In an entertaining way as possible…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
but I’m letting the people around me dictate the terms of the conversation, basically always. Pretty much 100% of the time.
Jeff:
That’s not me, but okay.
Casey:
That’s what I do.
Jeff:
That’s the difference.
Casey:
And what I realize is, it’s a waste of my fucking time. I have no idea why I do that, at all! I absolutely have no idea why I do that.
Jeff:
Awesome.
Casey:
And that’s why I was going to say… that brings around why I thank you for being an asshole, okay, and letting me be an asshole when we get together. Because you’re the one of the few people that when I get together with…
Jeff:
Yes?
Casey:
it’s awesome.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Okay? Right, because I can say the most fucked up shit to you…
Jeff:
and not get into trouble.
Casey:
and furthermore, I can be a total dick to you and you can be a total dick back to me and we’re still happy at the end of it.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
And I think that’s rare because basically it’s the only time I actually be a dick on the inside without having to filter it. See what I’m saying?
Jeff:
The next step, in that evolution, is not filtering ever. And that’ where I’m almost there 99% of the time.
Casey:
And that’s a scary world.
Jeff:
It’s not! It’s actually the way the world should be.
Casey:
I agree with that…
Jeff:
Not in the asshole way.
Casey:
I agree with that, sort-of. But, yeah.
Jeff:
And I would argue, I mean because there’s lots of people that like, company dinners or whatever, put on a game face or whatever. Right?
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
I have always argued, what has always worked for me, is to just simply be the asshole, your inner asshole, and just do whatever.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I had a conversation at a Christmas party recently, where I as explaining that I didn’t think that it was rational, that sexual aides like dildos and such are not rechargeable and that some of them take batteries.
Casey:
Okay. Because that’s environmentally responsible.
Jeff:
Yeah. I just thought like, well not just that I mean they have a way of screwing you with batteries. It just seems dangerous to me.
Casey:
Oh, I see. Okay, alright. You’re saying there’s a shock hazard. A shock hazard.
Jeff:
Yes, after this conversation I had somebody pull me aside and said, “That was really awkward for a lot of the people.” And I was like, “Yeah. So what, because everyone else had a really good time.”
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Again, I think it’s about you just finally get to a and this is part of point where people get super comfortable with whatever they’re going to be, is what they are and going for it.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And, yeah. I mean, I think that’s the win.
Casey:
Yeah. Well, so…
Jeff:
It’s also easier because you’re not trying to, I mean I definitely want to go to a party, have to put on my game face of like, “Okay, I’m going to pump, leap, loud, crazy, whatever.” Because that’s what people expect.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Especially for me, who’s kind of a silly guy, to do. But I tend to like, I don’t try. I try to just be like I would normally say and whatever. And that’s treated me well in meetings with intel and whatever, where my… crazy…
Casey:
Okay, well, here’s the off thing.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
I have something else I want to say about that too, but here’s the off thing. In business scenarios, I am actually myself. Very odd that way.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But when I’m in a meeting with somebody, I will call everyone in that room an asshole and tell them they’re fired.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Even if I’m like the lowest guy on the totem pole. That’s standard Casey, you know this.
Jeff:
Yes, that works.
Casey:
I don’t even pay attention to the guys. I don’t care if you’re the President of fucking Whatever. I’m just like, “you’re product blows and I’m not using it. And by the way, everyone in here is retarded.” Like that happens to me all of the time. I would never say that at a party. Right? Even if I know that everyone there’s retarded.
Jeff:
Yeah, and I think that’s… I think that’s correct to be genuine. I have people who are crazy at the party and who are uptight at work, and I’m like there’s a reason. I mean it’s actually valuable. People value real information.
Casey:
Yes, right. Yes.
Jeff:
You can’t… you can’t always hide yourself inside an opinion you think is socially acceptable.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
In business, or in parties, or whatever, it’s like and you know what? I have a lot of people who think I’m a big asshole for it but I don’t know, I’m happier with it, so.
Casey:
And this is the part of getting old with it as least in my mind. Right? I realize as I get older it’s unclear what I give up for that. Like, let’s say lots of people think I’m an asshole. Previously I would’ve said, “Well, I don’t want people to think I’m and asshole.”
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
But what I’ve been realizing is that I get no benefit from them. I get nothing from them thinking I’m a nice guy, at all.
Jeff:
In general, I find that they’re going to think you’re an asshole anyway because, like something happens regardless.
Casey:
Right, yeah.
Jeff:
I think there’s also huge amount of value in absolutely not giving a fuck about what anybody else thinks.
Casey:
Yeah, well I need to get there. I agree I need to get there. Because in general, I tend not to put much stock in other people’s opinion of me as it reflects on me. Like, I don’t think myself as having higher or lower self worth based on what other people think of me very often.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But I do empathetically care that they’re having a good time or something.
Jeff:
Oh I see, right.
Casey:
And I need to just fucking stop that.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Here’s the thing I was thinking. The final part of my analysis…
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Happy Holidays everyone by the way…
Jeff:
Exactly.
Casey:
the final part of my analysis was that I was realizing that I was like… I get sometimes invited to semi-obligatory things that I end up having to go to that I don’t want to go to.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Sometimes I ask not to be required to go to these things.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And it doesn’t work.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I have to like avoid it, or do whatever, or still have to go and it sucks.
Jeff:
Sure. I’ve been in that same situation a lot.
Casey:
I’m sure you have.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
So you know what I’m talking about.
Jeff:
Social obligation.
Casey:
Social obligation. And what I was realizing that I’m basically doing two wrongs and they’re not making a right here, right? What I’m doing here is: A — I’m, disingenuously charming or whatever the fuck at these things so I get invited back. Basically, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And then I’m trying to like, without hurting anybody’s feelings, avoid going to them.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right? Where as if I was just myself when I went there they’d be like, “We don’t want this person to come back again, all he did was talk about parteneous for two hours, and I don’t know what those are.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I’m like, “Hold shit! The answer had been staring at me in the face this whole time. I can go anywhere I want and talk about what I’m actually thinking about. And then no one will want me around.” Which is what I want!
Jeff:
Yeah, exactly.
Casey:
I never thought about that before somehow.
Jeff:
Yeah. You need to let out your inner Larry David. Go for it.
Casey:
Yeah, well it’s not usually Larry David. At some level it’s like my fixation on things that nobody cares about, is usually what it ends up being.
Jeff:
Just pick some weird manusha thing, and just keep going and every time the topic tries to veer back…
Casey:
Just be like, “no, no, no.”
Jeff:
“no, no, wait, wait, wait, yeah, yeah, yeah.” About these cherries, like you know what? I have to say I hate cherries. I don’t understand. They have a thing in the middle. Why would you eat a thing where you have to spit it out? It’s disgusting.
Casey:
Right. Here’s the whole thing with this…
Jeff:
You know what? It’s like, look… it’s right in front of you. You’ve got a whole plate full of spitty nuts.
Casey:
Right. Exactly.
Jeff:
Oh that’s delicious, you know? I’m starving, great. Just be an asshole.
Casey:
I’m not saying that if you have a fruit, right? If there’s a fruit available that does not have something in the center, you’d eat that. Right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And basically you’re retarded by you’re making work for yourself. I understand that it’s the pure puritanic work ethic. I understand you think the fruit tastes better because you had to work harder for it.
Jeff:
It doesn’t.
Casey:
You know what? That’s bullshit. Okay, give that up. Get yourself some seedless fruit. That’s why we invented genetic engineering. Mendeleev… I’m sorry, Mendel. Wrong guy. Periodic table not important here. Gregory Mendel. He was working for you, right? He was trying to get you some frit without the fucking seeds in it. You just throw it in his face. Like people who go camping. Why are you going camping? I don’t understand it, okay?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You build hotels for a reason. Running water, an aqueduct.
Jeff:
Exactly.
Casey:
Are the Romans just shit in your book? Alright, or did they do some things that we want to have, okay? That’s the way I look at it.
Jeff:
So basically, you need to pretend you’re doing a Pod Cast…
Casey:
Yes!
Jeff:
and just go off on anything that hits you.
Casey:
Exactly.
Jeff:
And then, an hour will go by and it will have thinned out and it will be fine.
Casey:
And if there’s somebody still left there, then they’re probably going to be a good friend of mine.
Jeff:
Yeah. And you can hang out with them.
Casey:
Hang out with them, and they will probably add to it. There’s like, “You know what? You’re right. Here’s some other fruits that I think suck.” And they’ll go off, and it’ll be great and we’ll have a great old time together.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Which is why I say, back to the topic. Thank you for being an asshole and letting me be an asshole.
Jeff:
You just need to embrace you inner asshole.
Casey:
Because… yes. This Pod Cast is so very satisfying every time we do it.
Jeff:
So that’s what we have to say to our listeners.
Casey:
Yes. Here on the Four Calling Birds day.
Jeff:
Embrace your inner asshole,
Casey:
Embrace your inner asshole.
Jeff:
make it a resolution,
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
and send us a story how it turns out for you.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
You know, don’t ask for bail if it turns out badly.
Casey:
Yeah, that’s right. That’s not our problem.
Jeff:
We’ll support you, but not financially.
Casey:
Right, exactly. We’ll support you emotionally, but not financially. Right, we’re not liable is what we’re saying. We are not liable for your inner asshole.
Jeff:
It’s all you. But we encourage you to let him out occasionally.
Casey:
Yes, exactly.
Jeff:
Yes, that’s right. Alright my friends, we will see you again tomorrow as we enter day five?
Casey:
This will be day five. Five golden rings.
Jeff:
Oh yeah, that’s an easy one to remember.
Casey:
The five golden rings.
Jeff:
The five golden rings. Alright everybody…
Casey:
Have a wonderful…
Jeff:
evening.
Casey:
fourth day…
Jeff:
That’s right.
Casey:
of Christmas. We will see you tomorrow.
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