Blog
Bio
The Technician
No Imperfections Noted
The Jeff and Casey Show
Jeff and Casey Time
Casey Muratori
Seattle, WA
A Tiny Girl for Tiny Crime
Original air date: September 29th, 2009
Topics. Bra bags. World records. Raer Love. The world’s heaviest twins. A hint of retard. Tiny girl. The ultimate debate. Tiny crime. VOIP. Manswers. SpikeTV. The Special Olympics.
Subscribe. If you’d like to have the latest episode of The Jeff and Casey Show delivered fresh to your computer every Monday, you can check out our list of RSS feeds and other subscription options here.
Transcript
Jeff:
Hey everybody, welcome to the Jeff and Casey Show.
Casey:
Hello, and welcome to a special presentation of the Jeff and Casey Show.
Jeff:
This is a special presentation.
Casey:
Yes. We are taking a break.
Jeff:
Yeah, we’re going to take a break, because. . .
Casey:
We’re taking a break on the Jeff and Casey Show because we kind of have a little bit too much work to do.
Jeff:
Yes, you’re in, you’re on like, your final slog. . .
Casey:
Yup.
Jeff:
And we have the show. . .
Casey:
We have the animated series that we’re working on finishing.
Jeff:
And then I have to get two products out by the end of the year.
Casey:
Yes, we’ve got a lot of work to do, and so, we’re going to be taking a break from recording the Jeff and Casey Show but we did not want to leave. . .
Jeff:
You high and dry.
Casey:
Yeah. We feel for you, the listener. . .
Jeff:
We feel for your lack of entertainment, that you’re going to miss, so what we decided to do. . .
Casey:
Ok , just for the record, as I’m the only person who cares about the English language on this podcast. . .
Jeff:
No, I care.
Casey:
A lack of entertainment getting missed would be the presence of entertainment.
Jeff:
Oh okay.
Casey:
So what you actually care is just the lack of entertainment or the entertainment that they’re going to be missing. One or the other.
Jeff:
I’m all confused. All I’m saying is we are going to try to break the world record for the longest podcast today.
Casey:
Ok.
Jeff:
And by. . .
Casey:
Let me, wait, hold on a second. So what we’re going to try to do is provide you with a full eight hours of podcasting. . .
Jeff:
This is going to be an eight hour podcast. . .
Casey:
. . .to hold you over, and we will post it in 20 or 30 minute increments each week.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
This means that the quality of the show will be even low than the already low quality that you are used to at the Jeff and Casey Show.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
But if you’re actually willing to accept the current quality of the show, it probably means you don’t have a whole lot of, like, fine tuning down there anyway, so we’re guessing that it’s probably gonna be okay, if not. . .
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Yeah. But don’t expect any winners.
Jeff:
So, I was looking up trying to find the longest podcast of all time.
Casey:
Right, okay. What was the answer?
Jeff:
Well, Ricky Gervais came up, and then Adam Corolla, but they were for listeners, simultaneous listeners, not length.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
They were, I guess. . .
Casey:
We don’t have any prayer of breaking that record
Jeff:
Yeah, no.
Casey:
So, I mean, that, why did you even, you don’t have to look that up.
Jeff:
Yeah, no. Although, I was surprised it was as low as it is. Like, you know, uh, the Adam Corolla Show, which is the big one right now, number one, is only getting about sixty thousand listens per show, which is still way less than regular. . .
Casey:
Only sixty thousand per show?
Jeff:
Right. Now he does five shows a week, so he does, he gets a lot more listeners in total, but still.
Casey:
Sixty thousand per show is really low.
Jeff:
Yeah, I mean it’s like, probably. . .
Casey:
If each of you out there told one, uh let’s see, one hundred, no sorry, sixty of your friends, I guess. If all of our listeners told sixty of their friends. . .
Jeff:
Yeah, we’d beat. . .
Casey:
. . .we would be the number one podcast. There’s only one problem, is like, how many people really have sixty friends who would listen to a podcast that they told them to listen to?
Jeff:
Yeah, none. So anyway, but I was looking at that, and then they had this thing, um, where they had. . ..you were not a Guinness fan in, when you were a little kid.
Casey:
Well I never had that, I never, so, I mean. . .
Jeff:
I was way into the Guinness Book of World Records, like the two fat guys that ride the motorcycle, and they do jumps. Do you remember them?
Casey:
Ok, where did you get the fact that they did jumps from? Where is that from?
Jeff:
No, they had a little picture of them riding over, and it was kind of a joke. They’d do jumps, and then the jump was like this ramp that was like two inches high, and they’d go oomp-bah-boomp. But they’d ride it together, and they were really fat, and they were twins. . .
Casey:
What the. . .
Jeff:
. . .and they’d ride the motorcycle, and they were the world’s fattest motorcycling riding twins.
Casey:
Okay, wait a second. I, I mean, maybe, but does the Guinness Book of World Records really keep track of the fattest twins who ride motorcycles?
Jeff:
They did.
Casey:
Are you sure it’s not just the world’s fattest twins, and they happened to have a picture of them a riding motorcycle.
Jeff:
No, no, no, because the world’s fattest person was in there too, and he’s. . ..
Casey:
But twins, but twins.
Jeff:
Oh no. Casey; Are you sure it wasn’t just world’s fattest twins? Like, what makes you think it was. . .
Jeff:
No, they rode motorcycles! All the pictures of them. . .
Casey:
Just hold on a second, hold, hold, hold on a second.
Jeff:
Yes, I understand.
Casey:
I’m not saying that they weren’t riding motorcycles in the pictures, I’m just asking if the, if the record is for having ridden a motorcycle.
Jeff:
I think it was for motorcycles. I think it was the world’s fattest motorcyclists.
Casey:
They are just desperate then. I mean. . ..
Jeff:
Well, we hope so that we can get in there for the world’s longest podcast.
Casey:
Ok. Yeah, the longest podcast by a pair of idiots who are unrelated.
Jeff:
And then they had, the other link is, everyone’s been talking lately about this little tiny Indian girl. She’s the world’s smallest person.
Casey:
Everyone? Define everyone.
Jeff:
Well, I’ve heard it on a couple other podcasts. . .
Casey:
And more than one mention it, or just. . .
Jeff:
Yeah, more than one mention the fact. Because she’s in the news.
Casey:
Oh, okay, so she’s up. She’s trending up.
Jeff:
She weighs twelve pounds, dude. That’s like a super power, like. . .
Casey:
That’s not a super power.
Jeff:
No it is, because you. . .
Casey:
What’s super powerful about that?
Jeff:
You could climb through, like, if you were like, the world’s best air conditioner repairman. . .
Casey:
That’s not a super power.
Jeff:
It could be.
Casey:
There’s no superhero.
Jeff:
Oh yeah it could be. Duct girl, or. . .
Casey:
Well no, there isn’t, there’s a reason why nobody created a fictional superhero who cleans duct work. It’s because that’s not a super power.
Jeff:
But they created the Atom, and they created of lots of little Tinkerbell kinds of superheroes. They’re out there.
Casey:
But. . .
Jeff:
Just saying, twelve pounds.
Casey:
But I’m assuming that they. . .
Jeff:
I had an Italian greyhound that was 50% heavier than this 15-year-old girl. That’s insane.
Casey:
Alright. I don’t want to nitpick here. . .
Jeff:
Uh huh.
Casey:
But, what is the super. . .like, what crime do you think she’s going to fight?
Jeff:
Tiny crime, with tiny criminals. Like, somebody’s been stealing my cheese. . .
Casey:
Legionnaires’ disease. She cleaned the shit out this HVAC.
Jeff:
Totally.
Casey:
Yeah, ok.
Jeff:
Totally.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
So anyways, this is gonna be, are we gonna. . .
Casey:
So, it’s her versus, who is her supervillian? Okay so, let’s say, I’m gonna go with this for a minute. I’m gonna step into the world of Jeff Roberts. . .
Jeff:
No, it’s. . ..
Casey:
. . .where somehow a twelve pound girl is a superhero. . .
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
No superpowers, just that she is twelve pounds, is a superhero. Who is her nemesis?
Jeff:
I think it would be somebody really big.
Casey:
You think so? They’re opposites, essentially.
Jeff:
And then, usually they have somebody that’s just like them, as well, that’s also tiny.
Casey:
It depends on if it’s Marvel or DC, right? Isn’t that the thing?
Jeff:
Yeah, well usually, you know, Marvel always, you know, they both do that to an extent. There’s Flash and Reverse Flash, and Superman and. . .
Casey:
It’s cool that they have a superhero called Flash, and then one called Reverse Flash. That is ridiculous.
Jeff:
It’s awesome.
Casey:
Like, that’s just like you showed up one day with a pen, and you’re like, you know what, I’m out of ideas, I’m completely out of ideas.
Jeff:
There’s Green Lantern and Sinestro, I think his name is, and he’s yellow, he’s got a yellow ring.
Casey:
Accord different wavelengths?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I see.
Jeff:
And you know, Green Lantern’s shit doesn’t work on yellow things.
Casey:
Oooh, I see.
Jeff:
So he’s in big trouble. Or wood, I think. It’s been a long time.
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
It’s, it’s, it, they changed the rules on Green Lantern a lot, but yeah it was originally things that were yellow and I think wood, but it’s been awhile.
Casey:
Why wood?
Jeff:
I don’t know. I don’t know, you gotta. . .
Casey:
I hate comics, I’m sorry. They’re just so terrible.
Jeff:
No. So, uh, yeah so she’s tiny. Hey, and something else.
Casey:
Yup.
Jeff:
I was watching TV last night. . .
Casey:
Yeah, I see, I can see we’re getting nowhere on that. I was trying to drill down, to find out, I was trying to get into the head of Jeff Roberts, and it just didn’t work at all.
Jeff:
Well, you’re in there, because now we’re gonna go to the next thing I’m thinking about.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
I was flipping through TV, I have TV. Hey everybody, the condo is mostly done. It’s been, the condo has been under development since this show has been going for two years, and probably a year before that. It’s been a long time. And so, I had TV, so I plugged in the TV and last night, I get home at late, so there’s nothing on TV, and what was on was a show called Manswers.
Casey:
Now, when I hear the word Manswers, I think of, like, some kind of a like, male sorcery kind of a thing. Like, it sounds all bad, it sounds like a D&D thing, like people wearing hats and rolling dice or something.
Jeff:
It sounded to me like, uh, the manhole or something , like, you don’t want. . .
Casey:
Oh, like a gay thing.
Jeff:
Well, like, you have questions, like “Am I gay or not?’, well let’s consult Manswers.
Casey:
Ok, ok.
Jeff:
But it wasn’t that. It was on the Spike network.
Casey:
Right, I see. And the answer to, “am I gay or not?” is always yes on the show Manswers. They’re like, “yes, you are”.
Jeff:
Yes, if you ask, you are. Yup.
Casey:
Ok.
Jeff:
Uh, two men’s up. And I didn’t watch the show, I should have watched the show, but it’s on Spike and Spike drives me crazy. Spike is like. . .
Casey:
Ok, I’ve never seen Spike.
Jeff:
It’s like the opposite of Oxygen. Or Lifetime.
Casey:
The opposite of Oxygen?
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Okay, I’ve never seen either of those either.
Jeff:
Yeah, they’re both like, you know, Sandra Jones: The Rape Story.
Casey:
Ok.
Jeff:
Like, they’re always. . .
Casey:
I see
Jeff:
. . .they’re movie of the weeks,. . .
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
. . .but they’re movie of the hours.
Casey:
Yup, yup.
Jeff:
They just role that shit, victim, crazy. . .
Casey:
Yup.
Jeff:
Shit happens on Lifetime.
Casey:
Yup.
Jeff:
Okay, that’s what happens on Lifetime.
Casey:
There’s some candles and a bath at some point.
Jeff:
Yeah, and there’s some, you know, there’s some, there’s something bad that happens.
Casey:
It’s the Diner Dash of television, basically.
Jeff:
And then they talk, they talk, and and and progress is made. . .
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
And breakthroughs occur. . .
Casey:
I see.
Jeff:
And then they move on, and life goes on, and they become happy. . .
Casey:
There’s a touching moment.
Jeff:
There’s a touching moment.
Casey:
Ok.
Jeff:
On Spike TV, you have. . .
Casey:
Drag racing, or whatever.
Jeff:
Pretty much the opposite, yes yeah. No, but see drag racing would be ESPN. Drag racing where the drag racers start at opposite ends. . .
Casey:
I see.
Jeff:
And they just crash into each other. . .
Casey:
Ok.
Jeff:
. . .at 300 milers per hour, that’s Spike.
Casey:
So it’s basically, like, two idiot brothers. . .
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
What they did when they were 13 is now a show, and everyone’s 35.
Jeff:
Yup, exactly, exactly. So on Manswers. . .
Casey:
I think this would probably be my least favorite television network of all time.
Jeff:
It’s pretty rough.
Casey:
Just guessing.
Jeff:
it’s pretty rough out there. I mean, you feel pretty bad for your gender when you watch a little Spike.
Casey:
Yeah. It’s hard out there for a pimp.
Jeff:
It is.
Casey:
It’s hard out there for a Manswer.
Jeff:
For a man. So I was watching, I didn’t want to get in, I didn’t want to dip into Spike, because you dip in, you don’t get out. And so I didn’t flip in there, but I did manage to write down the three questions, because the show, they answer questions from real men.
Casey:
Ok.
Jeff:
So people ask questions and they answer it.
Casey:
Now when you say from real men. . .
Jeff:
From manly men.
Casey:
This is like, somebody who drinks a good six pack of beer on the weekend. . .
Jeff:
Well, I think we’re gonna hear, I think you’re gonna get the answer to that question.
Casey:
Ok. The manswer. The manswer to that question, if you will.
Jeff:
The manswer to that question is in the mention, the muestion. . .
Casey:
I see. The muestion? Ok.
Jeff:
The muestion. Muestion number 1 was, “how do I beat a breathalyzer test?” Because you did drink that six pack while you were watching Manswers, and you have to get home.
Casey:
Yeah, yeah.
Jeff:
I can’t stay at my buddy’s house. That’s gay.
Casey:
No, that’s too gay.
Jeff:
I have to go home.
Casey:
If I sleep over at my buddy’s house that’s gay, so I gotta get home and watch Manswers on my regular TV. . .
Jeff:
But I’m loaded, how do I beat the breathalyzer?
Casey:
How do I beat the breathalyzer, ok.
Jeff:
So that was question one. Question number two was. . .
Casey:
What was the answer? You don’t know what the answer was?
Jeff:
I didn’t, I didn’t, I didn’t watch the show, I couldn’t do it.
Casey:
Can they even legally give out the answer to that question? Like, what does that even mean?
Jeff:
I assume that you could say, like, ask for the blood test or something and hope it takes two hours for the phlebotomist to get there and the shit gets through your system. Ask for lots of water.
Casey:
Clearly, Jeff, has experience. . .
Jeff:
I was thinking about this question. No, I’m thinking about these questions. I thought more about. . .
Casey:
You know what, you know what, you could go on that show as a Manswerer.
Jeff:
Manserer?
Casey:
Maybe you could be a Manserer?
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
You Manswer the questions.
Jeff:
I Manswer the questions.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Well, the second question. . .
Casey:
You know what, so I’m gonna say this from now on. I’m gonna say something like, “you know what, I can manswer that question.”
Jeff:
I can Manswer that question.
Casey:
I can Manswer that question for you.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
The answer is sausage.
Jeff:
Always.
Casey:
Yeah. Sorry, continue.
Jeff:
The answer always refers to meat. No, the second questions, was, “do breasts float in water?”
Casey:
Nice.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Nice. Do breast float in water? Just by themselves?
Jeff:
Right. I think, no, attached. I’m assuming they did like a Mythbusters thing where they acquired a hot tub
Casey:
Ok, yeah.
Jeff:
. . .and some buxom young ladies. . .
Casey:
Well, you know. . .
Jeff:
. . .and did some buoyancy tests.
Casey:
You know, there’s a number of things that can change the buoyancy of water, right?
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Like, for example, is it salt water or regular water?
Jeff:
Ooh, I see. That might, you have to do a lot of tests.
Casey:
There’s a, there’s a, I mean, if you want to definitively know, like, what if, you know, the density, the breast density to breast volume that you’re talking about there. . .
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Right, is right on that edge. You’re gonna have to test. . .
Jeff:
A lot of things.
Casey:
Salt. Highly salinated water. You know, chlorinated water, pure water.
Jeff:
Well I think you’d also have to test a lot of different kinds of breasts.
Casey:
There’s that too.
Jeff:
You have the fake breasts. You have the natural. You have very saggish. You have the, like. . .
Casey:
Breast age. You’ve got breast age, breast size.
Jeff:
Well you always have like, the little, I was gonna say the little twelve pounder in the water there. She could just probably test buoyancy in general, because I don’t even, I think the water would be above her head, let alone. Like, if she sat down, she’d have to snorkel it.
Casey:
Well, probably, I’m guessing that fattest woman in the world’s breasts weigh more than the smallest woman in the world weighs total, actually, if you just want to get right down to it.
Jeff:
Oh yeah. I bet, I’ve seen some of the people at Wal-Mart, and they have. . .
Casey:
But again, weight is not relevant here, it’s density. Density is what matters, because it’s the amount of volume of water that you displace versus your mass that’s gonna determine whether you’re gonna float or not, right?
Jeff:
Right, that’s true. Because they can make air craft carriers float, and so they could make some of them people at Wal-Mart’s breasts float, at least one, if they could get a hot tub big enough. It’s like. . .
Casey:
What the fuck does that have to do with it?
Jeff:
Well, if you’re gonna. . .
Casey:
It doesn’t matter how big the hot tub is. Oh. . .
Jeff:
Unless you displace all the water.
Casey:
You displace all the water, and then you don’t know. . .
Jeff:
And then you’re like wow, this is a great bra. It’s like no, you’re fucking up my hot tub.
Casey:
Oh, you know what I saw the other day, by the way? Not to derail this story, I was at. . .
Jeff:
We’re right on point.
Casey:
We’re right on target. I was, I was at the, well Brian and I were making sausages.
Jeff:
God dammit.
Casey:
And we needed a food scale.
Jeff:
There were way too many pictures of sausages.
Casey:
Of sausages on Brian’s Facebook.
Jeff:
On Facebook, yes.
Casey:
Brian and I were making sausages, and so we went, we had to get a food scale because I didn’t have one yet, right, my kitchen’s not fully outfitted yet.
Jeff:
Ok.
Casey:
So I went, we had to walk down to the Bed Bath ‘N Beyond to get a kitchen scale.
Jeff:
Ok.
Casey:
So we went down there to get a kitchen scale, and at the checkout line, they had a, like, ton of these. It was like they were pushing them, right, they were like, you know, an item, trying to get you to have an impulse buy at the checkout line.
Jeff:
Of what?
Casey:
Of, quote-unquote, high performance bra bag.
Jeff:
A bra bag?
Casey:
High, no not a bra bag. A high performance bra bag, by Tide. The washing Tide, like you know the soap, the laundry detergent.
Jeff:
So wait you, you put, you wash your. . .
Casey:
Don’t know. Have no idea.
Jeff:
Is it cause they’re frilly and you can’t have them banging around in there, like. . .
Casey:
I don’t know. It’s like, I can imagine reasons why you want a bra bag. Like, for example, if you have, like, you know, like an underwire bra or something where it’s going to get, like, it has like a structural piece or something that you don’t want to get caught in something or bent, maybe.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Like the bra, I have no idea. But, high performance.
Jeff:
Yes, well you don’t want. . .
Casey:
That is like, what is a low performance bra bag versus a high performance bra bag? That is that answer that I want to know.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
So I decided to try and make everyone as comfortable as possible, cause there were a bunch of women like, checking out there. So I’m like, “oh dude, check it out, it’s high performance bra bags.” I was like, “we should probably get one of those because right now”. . .
Jeff:
You wanted to make everyone comfortable by making them uncomfortable?
Casey:
No, I decided to make everyone uncomfortable is what I said.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
So I’m like, “this sucks because, like, my current bra bags are totally low performance. Like, I have to like babysit them all the time.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“It’s ridiculous.” “Like, I, you know, I can’t,” I think exactly what I said was, “these are only good for normal wash. . .”
Jeff:
Why was this in the Bed Bra ‘N Beyond?
Casey:
What? Oh the Bed Bra ‘N Beyond? Well Beyond is bras and other things, that’s what the Beyond is.
Jeff:
Oh okay, alright.
Casey:
Beyond the beyond. It has all kinds of stuff. I mean, we went there for a kitchen scale. That’s not bed or bath.
Jeff:
True.
Casey:
So obviously the beyond is fully functionally. So anyway, I still don’t know what that is. I want to know what a bra bag is.
Jeff:
Did you buy one?
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
You should have bought one.
Casey:
I don’t have any bras so what good is that gonna do me?
Jeff:
How many, like, total perverts have brought that, bought that bra bag? Because they’re like. . .
Casey:
What for?
Jeff:
Cause curiosity. Perverted curiosity. They want to check that shit. . .
Casey:
But it’s just a bag. What, there’s no, how is that gonna feed any kind of fetish?
Jeff:
I don’t know, because you don’t. . .okay, first off. There is a fetish for everything. There is, not only a fetish for bras, certainly, but for. . ..
Casey:
But for the bag?
Jeff:
I was just gonna say. . .
Casey:
That has not had any in it, by the way, if you bought it.
Jeff:
It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter.
Casey:
Ok, there’s no fetish for that.
Jeff:
Oh there is.
Casey:
There’s no fetish for that.
Jeff:
Dude. There is somebody out there with a bra bag that’s so full of cum that you could weigh it on your scale.
Casey:
Dude, it is not. Ok, no way.
Jeff:
I promise. Yes, I promise.
Casey:
Nobody has a bra bag fetish.
Jeff:
Oh they have it.
Casey:
No they don’t.
Jeff:
Oh they do. And not only that, I mean, there’s probably a meat scale fetish, there’s guarenteeably a sausage fetish.
Casey:
There’s no meat scale, in the first place. There’s just a food scale. But okay.
Jeff:
Well what are those scales that hang from the ceiling and you just go blop.
Casey:
It’s a scale. There’s just a scale. Like, you can weigh, they don’t, you can’t like only weigh meat.
Jeff:
I would have a scale just for meat because that’s disgusting.
Casey:
You don’t eat meat, so no you wouldn’t.
Jeff:
Yeah I know, but I’m just saying, I don’t want you using that scale for something else. . .
Casey:
You put it in a bowl.
Jeff:
Oh my God. This is so gross.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Alright, I wanted to talk about something. It’s a continuation of an earlier story.
Casey:
Ok.
Jeff:
You remember when we had the one topic rule for this season?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
We’re gonna, since this is an eight hour podcast. . .
Casey:
Yeah, this is just one continuous. . ..
Jeff:
We’re just gonna. . . Be prepared. There’s gonna be a lot of jumping around.
Casey:
Yeah
Jeff:
There’s gonna be no editing. So we’re gonna say things that we’ll probably want to take back.
Casey:
Well, basically what’s gonna happen is, I imagine we’ll record a little “Welcome to the Jeff and Casey Show, in progress,” and uh, “E-mail us at [unintelligible],” that will just. . .
Jeff:
Oh we’re not gonna post the, we’re not gonna post the whole eight hours.
Casey:
Right, no.
Jeff:
Ooh.
Casey:
But we’ll put up something, we’ll just book-end it each time with these little things like, “We now join the Jeff and Casey Show, in progress.”
Jeff:
Already in progress.
Casey:
Yeah, part eight of. . .
Jeff:
“. . .penis.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Like, just kick in.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Right, alright.
Casey:
So uh, okay, sorry you have something you want to say.
Jeff:
Yeah, I wanted to talk about. So we did, uh, we talked a little bit about the Special Olympics donation card. . .
Casey:
Okay. Yeah, now, for those of you who didn’t, who missed that episode. . .[coughs] Excuse me. Jeff and I were intrigued. . .
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
When he received a Special Olympics, like, donation request mailing. Like, you know, when charities send out the thing that says, “please give to whatever the fuck.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And it had a letter that said, you know, “blah blah blah, retards need your help, gold medal, etc.”
Jeff:
Mmhmmm, everyone’s a winner.
Casey:
And it said, “Please donate one of the following amounts,” and it listed three of the craziest fucking amounts you have ever seen.
Jeff:
Craziest amounts, right.
Casey:
It was like. . ..
Jeff:
Eight dollars and fifteen cents.
Casey:
Eight dollars and fifteen cents, sixteen dollars and. . .
Jeff:
Twenty-nine.
Casey:
Twenty-nine cents, uh. . .
Jeff:
Thirty-two. . .
Casey:
And then thirty-two. . .
Jeff:
What would it be?
Casey:
It would be eight, at the end, right?
Jeff:
I don’t know.
Casey:
Because it would be double the nine. Yeah. And we figured out that it was basically doubling the original number if you assumed that the original number also had a fractional penny. . .
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Included in it that you just couldn’t represent, cause the precision of pennies isn’t enough.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So we were like, what the fuck? Like, this must be some like, one of the Special Olympics dudes who’s like an idiot savant, who has like math crazy like fixation is the guy who wrote this mailer.
Jeff:
Exactly.
Casey:
Or figured out the numbers.
Jeff:
So what we. . .
Casey:
So Jeff wanted, well, I’ll let you finish the story, but Jeff wanted to give them some money because we made fun of them on the podcast, and so he was gonna donate to this fund.
Jeff:
Right. Well, okay. So most of my charitable giving is to amuse me. Like, I gave some money to the Singularity Institute, which we’ll talk. . .
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Because they let you put a quote.
Casey:
Awesome.
Jeff:
If you gave them twenty dollars or more, they’d put the quote.
Casey:
Awesome.
Jeff:
So I said, “fear the robot.” So I’m watching to see if that makes it. If you see some quote that says, “fear the robot,” that’s us. But um, yeah so, the Special Olympics, I thought. . .
Casey:
Well this one, this one wasn’t really necessarily to amuse you.
Jeff:
No, it was just like, okay. . .
Casey:
This was more like carbon offset.
Jeff:
Yeah, exactly.
Casey:
This is more like carbon footprint, you were like, “I made fun of the retardeds on many episodes of Jeff and Casey Show, it’s time to give them some cash so they can run around a track or whatever.”
Jeff:
Right, right. So I did, like, I extrapolated their amounts a couple times. . .
Casey:
Yeah, you doubled it several more times.
Jeff:
I can’t remember what it was, six hundred, some twenty-two. . ..
Casey:
It was some like, it was around eight hundred dollars you gave.
Jeff:
Yeah it was some crazy, but it had pennies. . .
Casey:
Yeah, it was all correct.
Jeff:
Extrapolated the whole thing out.
Casey:
Yes, you did the right thing.
Jeff:
So, I sent that to them. And they sent me back this, um, tube, it’s like a poster tube, uh, from the Special Olympics in Seattle. And, the first thing that you notice, is who it’s entitled to.
Casey:
First of all, there’s a pin in it.
Jeff:
There’s a pin.
Casey:
So they sent him a little pin here.
Jeff:
What is that?
Casey:
Well, I don’t know, I assume everyone got a copy of this pin if you gave, but it’s a gold, it’s like a gold medal.
Jeff:
No I’m, I’m the gold medal.
Casey:
Oh, you’re the gold medal?
Jeff:
I got that because, if you give more than five hundred bucks. . .
Casey:
It says Special Olympics winner circle, 2009-2010. And in here, it has a letter and it is, the letter is addressed to Dear Rear Admiral Tools. That is what it says.
Jeff:
Okay, now. Rear Admiral.
Casey:
Rear Admiral Tools.
Jeff:
Now the first thing that I thought of was my shirt that said rear love by accident. That like, they really are fans of the show. They, at the Special Olympics, they dipped back into the old episodes where I accidentally was wearing a gay shirt for months.
Casey:
They’d been listening to the classics, yeah.
Jeff:
And, and. . ..
Casey:
You weren’t accidentally wearing a gay shirt.
Jeff:
I was accidentally!
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
I asked the guy. . .
Casey:
No, you were not accidentally wearing a gay shirt. You went to a gay dude at Nordstrom’s. You were like, “give me a bunch of gay clothes”, and he did.
Jeff:
No!
Casey:
How is that accidentally?
Jeff:
I didn’t say give me some, I said give me some good clothes.
Casey:
Whatever.
Jeff:
That’s the thing. You go into Nordstrom’s. . .
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And this is how you get good clothes. If you go, and you don’t have any style, and you say give me some clothes, you’re going to get expensive, shitty clothes. So you go in there, and it’s best if you adopt like a British accent, and you’re like, “bring me your finest homosexual in which to dress me.” And then they, they love it. Like, all the, like Tyler and Steve and all these dudes love me. They dress me up. . .
Casey:
Oh I’m sure they do.
Jeff:
Like I’m a straight little. . .
Casey:
But I don’t understand. . .
Jeff:
It’s awesome.
Casey:
No, but they don’t dress you like a straight dude.
Jeff:
No they did.
Casey:
They dressed you like a gay dude.
Jeff:
Well, no they dressed me. . .
Casey:
I know because I’ve seen it.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
You had a shirt that said rear love on the back.
Jeff:
No, it said rare love.
Casey:
It does not. Okay, r-e-a-r.
Jeff:
I’m just saying.
Casey:
I’m sorry, r…it was. . .
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
Wait a second.
Jeff:
Ok.
Casey:
Let’s just wait one second. The shirt said r-a-e-r love.
Jeff:
Right, and I said. . ..
Casey:
Now, there’s two ways you can change that into a real word.
Jeff:
I asked him! I said Tyler. . .
Casey:
You can either reverse the r and e, or the a and the e.
Jeff:
Or the whole word.
Casey:
But it’s rear love if you reverse the whole world, it’s rear love if you reverse the whole word. Not rare!
Jeff:
I know, that’s what you pointed out. Because, and I noticed, when I looked, I was in the, I looked in the mirror. . ..
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Like, that says rear love.
Casey:
Yes it does.
Jeff:
Yeah, so it said rear love. And I was accidentally wearing a gay shirt.
Casey:
And you’re sitting here telling me that they didn’t dress you gay.
Jeff:
No, they did.
Casey:
So they totally did.
Jeff:
No I asked Tyler. I said, what does this say? And he says rare love, and I was like, okay.
Casey:
But it doesn’t say that!
Jeff:
I accepted it.
Casey:
You can’t, okay, you can’t just look at a word. . .
Jeff:
I didn’t say it.
Casey:
. . .and say that it said something. It doesn’t matter what someone’s. . .
Jeff:
I’m just saying if the gay people at Nordstrom’s fuck with you and you’re straight, you don’t know! They mix your shit up.
Casey:
They gave you a shirt that said rear love. How can you not know that? I just don’t understand how you can not know that.
Jeff:
Oh my God.
Casey:
Let’s just start with, the thing is, like, I don’t care if you, how you want to dress. You dress however the fuck you want, alright?
Jeff:
Okay. Well I’m wearing my manty hose down to my manswer. . .
Casey:
But definitely, you were definitely dressed to pick up men, much more so. . .
Jeff:
No, oh God dammit.
Casey:
. . .than you would be dressed to do anything else, for example.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
That’s all I’m saying.
Jeff:
Okay. Well I, I took that shirt out of the rotation.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And I sometimes wear it on Saturdays.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
That said.
Jeff:
Ok. What I thought. . .
Casey:
So you assumed that because it said Rear Admiral Tools. . .
Jeff:
Well it’s just what I thought of at first. . .
Casey:
Yeah, because I suppose you probably did not know that Rear Admiral was a British salutation. Or did ya?
Jeff:
Well, no I did, I did figure that’s what it was. It was you that cracked the code, because there’s two things. I have one here thing that says. . .
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Rear Admiral Game Tools.
Casey:
One says Rear Admiral Game Tools, and one says Rear Admiral Tools.
Jeff:
And it’s like. . .
Casey:
So I think what happened is that they thought that RAD Game Tools was your name.
Jeff:
Right. So RAD, like Mister, Game Tools.
Casey:
Yes. Right.
Jeff:
And then they turned RAD into Rear Admiral.
Casey:
Yes, they thought that RAD was that abbreviation for Rear Admiral.
Jeff:
And then in some place, they’re like, “Thank you Game”, because they incorporate your first name. . .
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
As a, you know, to make you feel good.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And so yeah. So, we have Dear, so it was Rear Admiral Game Tools, and then over here it says, Dear Rear Game Tools.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Dear Rear Admiral Game Tools.
Casey:
Rear Admiral Tools and Rear Admiral Game Tools. So basically, that’s what happened.
Jeff:
So basically, this is just, this is the gift that keeps on giving.
Casey:
It just continues, cause you are now going to be able to hang up, frame, if you would like, in your office, a certificate for the winner’s circle of the Special Olympics addressed to Rear Admiral Game Tools.
Jeff:
It’s just crazy.
Casey:
I wish that the certificate said Rear Admiral Tools because that’s. . .
Jeff:
That’s better.
Casey:
That’s the best one.
Jeff:
There’s, where’s the other page? There’s one more page.
Casey:
There’s another page?
Jeff:
Oh hear it is. No, that’s, that’s just. . ..
Casey:
That’s the certificate.
Jeff:
That’s the certificate. None of these people look very retarded on these pictures.
Casey:
There’s a, well there’s a, there’s a like a one piece of each one that’s like a little bit retarded. That’s what they do.
Jeff:
You know, that’s the, that’s the thing. You gotta kinda look. Like this girl, maybe you think, yeah she’s, she’s a little iffy.
Casey:
Yeah, yeah.
Jeff:
Like like, if you saw, you’d be like eh.
Casey:
No but you can see. . ..
Jeff:
But the guy, like, he’s riding a bike.
Casey:
No, you can, look at his face.
Jeff:
I didn’t know retarded people. . .
Casey:
Look at his face. See? You see it on there?
Jeff:
He’s got a little something.
Casey:
Yeah. Exactly. There’s every single picture just has a bit.
Jeff:
His lip is hanging out.
Casey:
They went, they like, when they did the photography, they were like, we need it all to look slightly retarded. We don’t want full retard, right, but we don’t want fully non-retarded. We want, like, hint of retard. That’s what we’re going for. That’s what they said, when they were taking the photos, right?
Jeff:
That’s what happened.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
I mean, like look, you’ve got the hand in the bottom, the bottom right one.
Jeff:
Where he’s, where’s he lifting his hand up a little too high?
Casey:
It’s like, and it’s Spocked, it’s Spocked out?
Jeff:
No, don’t.
Casey:
Look!
Jeff:
I know, but don’t make the gesture.
Casey:
Okay, sorry.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
We gotta put this up, we gotta scan this. We gotta put this on the Facebook page.
Jeff:
We are winners.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
We are all winners.
Casey:
Yup.
Jeff:
Um, what else were we gonna say? So we actually did a little bit of this show in the car, cause we were gonna take it on the road.
Casey:
We can’t really do that, though.
Jeff:
But not in that. . .
Casey:
The portable recorder doesn’t work, and your car is too loud, and your car’s falling apart.
Jeff:
It’s not falling apart!
Casey:
Yeah, it is falling apart.
Jeff:
No, you fucked it up, basically.
Casey:
Yeah, here look, here’s a Manswer for you, right?
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
How do you get a car. . .
Jeff:
That’s a. . .
Casey:
. . .that cost two hundred thousand dollars and falls apart all the time?
Jeff:
It doesn’t fall apart all the time!
Casey:
Answer- let Jeff purchase it for you.
Jeff:
No. Gosh.
Casey:
He is a specialist. This is his third one.
Jeff:
Hey so, I got, I sent you this e-mail I got recently.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And it’s a spam.
Casey:
You did?
Jeff:
And the spam said. . .
Casey:
What was it, I don’t remember this.
Jeff:
The spam said The Ultimate Debate.
Casey:
I didn’t see this.
Jeff:
Ok, and like that’s kind of intriguing, like, what is the ultimate debate, like, you know, Lincoln-Douglas, like, that kind of thing?
Casey:
Pfft, yeah, I don’t think that was it.
Jeff:
I open it, no it wasn’t it. It was a Cisco versus Shortel.
Casey:
What? Oh, it was one of those stock e-mails?
Jeff:
No, it was like some weird, I don’t even know. It wasn’t even for routers, it was for, like, voiceover IP or something like that. It was some crazy. . .
Casey:
This was spam, though?
Jeff:
Yeah, just a spam. I’m just saying, I, you know, when you say the ultimate debate, if, and I’m sure to some people, to some professional out there. . .
Casey:
It is.
Jeff:
It is the ultimate, it’s like. Oh. My. God. They finally did it, Cisco versus Suretel!
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Oh, booyah, Saturday night pay-per-view.
Casey:
That’s what I was just gonna, thinking.
Jeff:
Exactly.
Casey:
There’s gonna have like a boxing thing like, you know, “and in this corner. . .”
Jeff:
Right, exactly.
Casey:
“Routing up to one petabyte, through a number of nexi, cross the. . ..”
Jeff:
“Let’s get ready to scoop!”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Because we have a voiceover IP system for our phone system now.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And I hate it. It’s echoey. It’s not the way it should go.
Casey:
Well, that’s because, like, in the old days, phones was like a wire that transmitted an actual sound. . .
Jeff:
Yeah!
Casey:
And it sounded pretty much close. . .
Jeff:
And you could pick up the phone and talk to people and it was nine dollars a month. . .
Casey:
And now it’s bullshit.
Jeff:
And now it’s fifty-nine dollars a month.
Casey:
And it sounds like shit.
Jeff:
And it sounds like shit.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It sounds like, worse than fucking Skype. Like, Skype works better than your shitty shit.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You’re all fired.
Casey:
Yup.
Jeff:
Here’s the ultimate debate. Shot or fired? God dammit.
Casey:
Well I mean, packet switched versus direct connection networks, right, that’s the how they go.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
But I mean it was bound to go that way because that’s capitalism, right? Like, in the old days, you had like the sort of AT&T monopoly sort of situation, where they were just like, we're just gonna lay some wires and charge you whatever we want. And so they like, had a bunch of people employed there were just, had fun working on the phone system and making these crazy systems for like connecting people up, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But now, it’s like, a bunch of phone companies competing with each other, trying to figure out how they can connect the most number of people with the fewest amount, like the least amount of actual data traffic.
Jeff:
Infrastructure.
Casey:
So they’re gonna keep pushing the like data quality, the voice fidelity, down, until it’s almost unbearable to you, but not quite unbearable. . .
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
. . .and that’s where it’ll settle.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Cause that’s, that’s what they do. That’s what companies do for a living.
Jeff:
It’ll just be eventually like [muffled].
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
It’ll sound like our first couple podcasts, basically.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Site design and technology © Copyright 2005-2014 by Molly Rocket, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
Contents are assumed to be copyright by their individual authors.
Do not duplicate without their express permission.
casey muratori
the jeff and casey show - season 2 - episode 19
prev
next
mollyrocket.com