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Bio
The Technician
No Imperfections Noted
The Jeff and Casey Show
Jeff and Casey Time
Casey Muratori
Seattle, WA
Feed the Aryans
Original air date: August 30th, 2009
Topics. Hitler. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Heat. Personal image issues. Casey the sleeper agent. Bernie Ecclestone. Blinds. The Special Olympics. Sexy Nazis. Nazi racing.
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Transcript
Jeff:
Hey, everybody! Welcome to the Jeff and Casey Show.
Casey:
Aren’t you forgetting something?
Jeff:
What? The mega timer?
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
I did forget the mega timer.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Oh, man!
Casey:
Jesus! Some professional podcaster you are. There it is.
Jeff:
All right. Hold up.
Casey:
Now I hear the noise.
Jeff:
There we go! Welcome to the Jeff and Casey Show!
Casey:
Welcome to the Jeff and Casey Show, now with the mega timer.
Jeff:
Now with the mega timer back in online. It’s hot today. It’s been crazy hot!
Casey:
You know, it is not hot today. That’s a lie. That is a lie.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Because it has been hot these past days, today was not nearly as hot.
Jeff:
That’s just it. I was talking about this with somebody.
Casey:
What do you mean?
Jeff:
It’s still 87 today!
Casey:
87 is like. . .
Jeff:
I know.
Casey:
That’s walk in the park, 87.
Jeff:
Yet the last three days, like we would be totally bitching about the heat, except for the fact that we were like 102 [xx].
Casey:
Well, except you’ve got your base. You’ve got your tanning base on. So you don’t care.
Jeff:
I do have a base on.
Casey:
If you can just walk out there in 97 degrees.
Jeff:
Yes. I’m not going to burn.
Casey:
You’re just like, “Oh, yes, I’ve got my base from the tanning salon.”
Jeff:
Yes, that’s totally true.
Casey:
Right. I know how it is.
Jeff:
We haven’t podcast for a couple of weeks because. . .
Casey:
No, we haven’t.
Jeff:
. . .I went down to see my Mom, you had to move, and then Jonathan [xx]. It’s been three weeks.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
We got to get back in the flow.
Casey:
We do. You know, I did move, Jeff, actually. Since on this episode, we were going to kind of talking about. . .
Jeff:
Some letters you’ve got.
Casey:
. . .special people. I guess this is what I would say. This is for those people who maybe are not as quick as the rest of us.
Jeff:
Okay. Special [xx].
Casey:
Sometimes, when you’re born, you get certain genetic advantages, and so does you get certain genetic disadvantages. For example, I was born with something in my DNA that makes it possible for a jumbo juice to almost kill me.
Jeff:
Right. You might be killed.
Casey:
That’s what happened, okay.
Jeff:
If you smell a jumbo juice, you could collapse.
Casey:
Yes. Apparently, something in the jumbo juice, which I’ve never identified or I’ve been susceptible to in any what else’s products but something specific to jumbo juice that they buy from one of their secret poison suppliers can kill me.
Jeff:
Yes. So I keep medicine on supplier. [xx] studios, I’m ready, like I can stick a vial of Epi directly into your heart, if necessary.
Casey:
Exactly, if necessary, if I’m going to drink. This is what I think of it. Let me just tell you this right now. Clearly, if you look at my life, I haven’t really ever done anything remarkable. The reason for this is because I am clearly some sort of a special sleeper government project, I just can’t remember, but I am. At some point,. . .
Jeff:
You’re going to remember.
Casey:
. . .they’re either going to have to activate me or kill me. The way that they kill me will be this jumbo juice thing.
Jeff:
Strawberry jumbo juice.
Casey:
That’s the little latent thing that they do. That’s why there’s jumbo juices all over the country because they’re like, “We have to be able to deactivate Casey, anywhere he is.”
Jeff:
If necessary. Okay.
Casey:
So imagining that like somebody somewhere messed up, and either they were trying to kill me, or they just decided.
Jeff:
Maybe he went off the grid.
Casey:
Off the grid. Yes, exactly.
Jeff:
For a short time, and then you’re screwed.
Casey:
Anyway.
Jeff:
Okay. So read this.
Casey:
Moving along. My apartment complex. . .
Jeff:
That you moved into.
Casey:
..that I just moved into sent out a notice about. . .
Jeff:
This is one of these big apartment complexes that. . .
Casey:
It is very luxurious.
Jeff:
. . .it is converted from a condo.
Casey:
That’s right. It is apartments that were condos.
Jeff:
So, it’s like in a desperate attempt not to run out of money, before people are buying condos again, they converted from condos to apartments.
Casey:
Exactly it is. Now, this is a very well staffed building. They have an on-site, on-staff maintenance supervisor, a manager who lives there, three people in the leasing office, which is on-site. Like it is a serious apartment complex. It’s not some random grandmother who happens to live there who is like the manager or whatever. And here is the notice that they sent out about blinds installation.
Jeff:
This is a notice from them.
Casey:
From them, typewritten.
Jeff:
From that staff. Okay.
Casey:
“Dear Resident(s): We (Iris) received blinds today that Iris will start installing them tomorrow, July 29th, 2009. Iris is a professional company who will have pads and drapes to be sure none of your personal items will be affected by the installation. We cannot give you an exact time Iris will be entering your home, but will in on July 29th or July 30th. If you have any questions, pleas call the office or stop by.”
Jeff:
Wow! Okay.
Casey:
There’s three sentences in this notice.
Jeff:
In that letter, and they all have some problems.
Casey:
It is completely unintelligent. I have no idea what to make of this.
Jeff:
Right. So you maybe getting blinds, you might be getting [xx].
Casey:
I got the blinds.
Jeff:
You have blinds now?
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
We, Iris, who is a professional company, installed my blinds.
Jeff:
To you, as a resident/residents.
Casey:
Exactly. Yes. I did not fill me with confidence. I don’t know where my rain check money is going to right now, I’m imagining it’s going to pay for an English As A Second Language class for somebody. Or, I surely should hope that part of it is going to that, because, honestly, we’ve got a serious situation here.
Jeff:
Well, a lot of times when I read. . .it’s always cool to read a letter by someone who doesn’t do a lot of writing.
Casey:
Or any writing, in this case.
Jeff:
Right. Or, it’s almost like they have information they want to get across. As they’re giving it, they kind of lose track. They get bored with the writing, and then they kind of jump off to other things and stuff. I got a letter from somebody else who’s also special, and especially special, which is from the Special Olympics. Now, apparently, they’re fans of the show.
Casey:
I guess, how do they know that we would want to guest such Olympics? They must have listened to the show.
Jeff:
I’m going to give them some money because I’m about to make fun of this letter.
Casey:
It’s because you didn’t give them any money last time you made fun of retarded people.
Jeff:
No, I don’t get why I got on their mailing list. I’m telling you, they must like the show. They all sit down and laugh.
Casey:
You are the one who told that endearing story about like you getting scared because retards were buying a pumpkin near you, and you freaked out.
Jeff:
No, I didn’t freak out. I just couldn’t tell, because you can’t tell from a distance that they’re retarded.
Casey:
Is that a distance?
Jeff:
You’re just walking out.
Casey:
She was buying a pumpkin next to you.
Jeff:
Well, I picked up the pumpkin and then she went, “Errr,” because she wanted that pumpkin. I gave her the pumpkin, I was the bigger man in that situation. I [xx].
Casey:
Okay. I see what you’re saying. See? You’re just everyone else. If she was not retarded, you would have kept the pumpkin.
Jeff:
Right. I would have snatched it over head.
Casey:
You’re just like everyone else. They don’t want special treatment from you.
Jeff:
I’m taking that pumpkin next time. Anyway, so this is a fundraiser letter they wrote me, and it said. . .
Casey:
The more compassionate thing to do is to take the pumpkin.
Jeff:
Okay. Next time, I’m stealing that.
Casey:
It’s like, you want to know what? “Growl all you want, little girl. It’s my pumpkin now.” I’m going to carve it into kind of a sort of like sideways face.“
Jeff:
So, this is a letter. Stop it.
Casey:
It’s like kind of a little bit. . .
Jeff:
No. The eyes are on the sides [xx].
Casey:
. . .the eyes are a little bit off. [laughs]
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
[xx] There’s something wrong with this pumpkin, it’s kind of looks a little bit weird.
Jeff:
It is. So, this is a fundraising letter they wrote me, and it says, “Mr. Roberts, your help is needed today so that people with intellectual disabilities in Washington and around the world have a chance to experience the joy of sports training and competition.”
Casey:
Now, let me stop you right there, and let’s point out the Special Olympics has managed to send a letter many times more coherent than my apartment complex blind notice.
Jeff:
Yes. Well, they did really well, up until this point. So they say, “Please. . .,” don’t know why there’s a dot, dot, dot there.
Casey:
Ellipses. Perfect place for it.
Jeff:
Please, in the middle of a sentence.
Casey:
Bring me ellipses right there.
Jeff:
“Please. . .send the most generous gift you can today. Thank you.”
Casey:
Which actually sounds like a perfectly reasonable letter to me.
Jeff:
Yes, totally. Then they have some boxes.
Casey:
I’m on board. Jeff, I’m ready to donate.
Jeff:
Ready to donate.
Casey:
I’m ready to donate right now.
Jeff:
Okay. We’ll see if that feeling stays with you after this.
Casey:
It was short and to the point.
Jeff:
Yes, it is. So they have four boxes of where you can mark the amount of money you choose to give them, and you know this is uncommon on these forms where you’re like $50, $100, [xx].
Casey:
Because people don’t know how much they should give. So you want and try to convince them to give an amount that you are looking for. Otherwise, they might enclose 25 cents [xx].
Jeff:
Right. So the first amount is $8.15.
Casey:
That’s so awesome. [laughs]
Jeff:
$8.15. Eight dollars, Casey, and 15 cents. Where did the 15 cents come from?
Casey:
I know what happened here.
Jeff:
You have an explanation?
Casey:
I know what happened here.
Jeff:
Should I keep reading the other amounts?
Casey:
You probably should. [xx]
Jeff:
Okay. Now the second one is for those like big spenders out there. In this one, you can give $16.29. Not 30, 29.
Casey:
See, I have fully forget this out. Keep going.
Jeff:
Okay. The third one is $32.58. So, you can give $8.50, $6.29, or $32.58, and then there’s an “Other.” When I’m going to give them some money, I am going to choose “Other” and choose like $64.27 or something completely random because this is crazy.
Casey:
Here’s the question, Jeff. Who’s the retard now is my only question.
Jeff:
I see that it’s going up by the thousandth of [xx], monetically, but how did they start with. . .so I assume that it starts with $8.15, $1.45.
Casey:
It’s $8.1450. It’s a fraction of a penny.
Jeff:
It’s a fraction of a penny that they’re increasing by and then rounding up. I see that. What the fuck? Where did that come from?
Casey:
This is what I’m saying.
Jeff:
Okay. Totally. Explain this to me.
Casey:
I have it all worked out in my head. I had not thought about this until you just read it, but I have it all worked out in my head. With the Special Olympics, so everyone there has got some issues. They’re not highly functioning adults like you and me, for whatever that means.
Jeff:
Yes. I’ll go with that for a second.
Casey:
Yes, exactly. I’m saying that in the most facetious way possible. The only difference between us and the people sending this letter is that we’ve got enough money and I have sent a letter. That’s about it. Point being, what happened there is, you got to pick which one of the team is going to send this letter. Some of the people, like they’re just like severely mentally handicapped, they can’t write a letter. They don’t even know what a letter is. They’re lucky they can eat the apple sauce and they’re just like, “That’s it.”
Jeff:
Right. They’re writing on thesis [xx].
Casey:
But Special Olympics is not necessarily all those people, like someone there is like idiots of [xx]. He can write a letter, but in order for him to write a letter, it’s got to be completely white room with nothing else is on the walls. There can’t be anything in it, it’s got to be like with the quill pen or something or whatever, but he can write the letter. Problem is, he’s totally fixated on the last thing that he knew what to get at the store. Like he really wanted to buy this 6-pack of Coke and it costs like $8.14 or something.
Jeff:
So what you’re saying, they have something in mind for each one of these amounts.
Casey:
So it costs like $7.80 or something. With tax, with précised tax, which is the only kind he thinks of, it’s $8.15 and the half penny, one half penny. So he’s like, “Well, you could donate one of that amount and I could buy this, or you could donate two of that amount and I could buy two or four of that amount and I could buy four.” Those are the options he gave you.
Jeff:
Right. He needs the precision because he might buy multiple items.
Casey:
He can only think in that. He can only think that he’s totally fixated on that and he can’t get away from it.
Jeff:
I see. Okay, that totally makes sense.
Casey:
That is what happened. That is what happened. I guarantee you, something like that.
Jeff:
I figured it was something like, look, it’s like Steam [?]. It’s what the developer gets. They want $6 and then Steam takes $2.15 or XPLA takes their little cut. So they get the amount of money they want and then they have to use these [xx].
Casey:
It probably is a lot like Steam. Gabe Newell probably does have some kind of a like retard farm.
Jeff:
Reversed spreadsheet?
Casey:
No. Something where he’s got a way of making 30% on everything you give to the mentally handicapped. I’m sure he’s figured that out somewhere. Maybe they haven’t launched it yet, but at some point. . .
Jeff:
It’s in beta.
Casey:
. . .it’s in beta. He’s going to get it out there.
Jeff:
They’re going to roll that out.
Casey:
Exactly. It’s going to be rolled out.
Jeff:
Well, check out eTard.com, though we have one other kind of retarded story, that just get all the stupid people out of the way. That is, it’s kind of a return to an old story like the pumpkin story was. That is the guy who is the new guy that runs F1 racing. We talked about, last year, the guy that ran F1 that was caught in a sex scandal, where prostitutes were dressing up like Nazi prisoner guards.
Casey:
Yes. I forgot about that. Yes.
Jeff:
He turns out his grandfather knew Hitler, it was a CDC and all the way around, and we pretty much nailed that Nazis were sexy. We did say, “Okay, look, yes they’re evil, no question, also sexy.”
Casey:
Did we say they were sexy?
Jeff:
We asked the question, “Are they sexy?”
Casey:
I know that I had to say on the air, I remember having to say, “Nazis aren’t funny” because Sean Barrett [?] posted his preset of links to a fictitious podcast where I supposedly said that Nazis weren’t funny. So I had to say they weren’t funny. I don’t remember saying that they were sexy. I think, if I may, I don’t know that male Nazis are sexy.
Jeff:
Male Nazis aren’t sexy?
Casey:
I don’t know, we’d have to get a female. . .like I think that female Nazis are sexy in that like dominatrix kind of way. You think of them like German discipline kind of a thing. I don’t imagine that just the fact if someone was just your average female person and they’re like, “I’m a Nazi,” I don’t think anyone’s give me like, “Well, that’s really hot.” That’s probably not happening.
Jeff:
Right. Well, they can’t just be Nazis, because that probably turns you off.
Casey:
This what I’m saying.
Jeff:
They have to be dressed up in tight fitting uniform with boots.
Casey:
Right, with like a crop. That’s what you’re thinking of.
Jeff:
Crop. Yes. Why do Nazis have riding crops? They just have a lot of crops.
Casey:
This is not a Nazi, it’s a dominatrix that happens to be wearing Nazi uniform. This is what I’m saying.
Jeff:
I see. Okay. So, it’s a dominatrix who’s thrown on some extra gear.
Casey:
It’s yet another fucked up fantasy just like F1 dude was doing in his basement or whatever.
Jeff:
Yes, makes it up!
Casey:
It has nothing to do with that! If you were actually getting tortured by Nazis, that would not be sexy at all.
Jeff:
That’s not sexy at all.
Casey:
It would be terrible!
Jeff:
Right. I see. Okay. Well, so, in this new scandal, this is the guy that replaced the guy that was like. . .he’s the replacement. They’re like, “Look, we need to get out the Nazi fucker. We can kick the Nazi fucker out, we’ll get this guy in, we’re going to straighten this shit out.”
Casey:
Now, I’m assuming that’s like, “Our promise to you, the fans, is that there is not going to be any more Nazi fucking this year, in this circuit.”
Jeff:
Right. Listen. Step one, we’re getting rid of this guy. Step two, the Nazi themed race car. We got to get rid of that. I don’t know who thought that was a good idea, it’s a terrible idea.
Casey:
[xx] Terrible idea. Terrible idea.
Jeff:
Right. We’re getting rid of that.
Casey:
That’s good. Also, the new track we were building where you raced out and there’s a 90 degree turn and then another. . .
Jeff:
And then you have to turn around.
Casey:
. . .180 and back and then there’s four of those, we decided to scrap plan for that. It turned out that was wrong thing. Didn’t think about the aerial view.
Jeff:
We’re thinking about the fans, because there’s lots of corners [xx] fans.
Casey:
Yes, you can see people. Everyone can see the angles.
Jeff:
As soon as we saw the aerial view, we were like, “Woo, I think I maybe [xx]
Casey:
“Sorry, guys, my bad.”
Jeff:
So this guy is the replacement. This guy was chosen to fix the Nazi problem. You know, when you say F1 racing, like “Oh, it could be this small [xx].” This is a many billion dollar a year sports.
Casey:
This is Europe’s NASCAR, this is what Europe what is for auto racing. I’m assuming, I don’t really know, you’re the car guy.
Jeff:
Right. It is, it is. It’s not as big as NASCAR now, which is huge. But, when it started, it was much larger. It’s still a billion-dollar sports where a lot of manufacturers — Ferrari, Porsche, all that — test out their equipments. It’s where they get their engineering prowess. So it’s a big deal. So they get rid of the Nazi fucker, “We’ve got to get rid of that guy. That was a disaster, this is not looking good on Ferrari. He kept the race cars running on time, but it was not good for our [xx].”
Casey:
Okay. you got [xx], that would be Mussolini.
Jeff:
That’s Mussolini. Well, Ferrari.
Casey:
Which, apparently, he didn’t, but yes, he did it. Yes. Oopps!
Jeff:
[laughs]
Casey:
Didn’t I say about that the other day?
Jeff:
The trains?
Casey:
Well, no, just the fact that I’m Italian. Italians had such a good run for a while.
Jeff:
Yes, they did.
Casey:
I mean, they had a very successful empire back in the Roman times.
Jeff:
The Renaissance.
Casey:
The Renaissance, [xx], they were huge and all that. Then, boy, did they nosedive. Like, I was at the wrong time to be an Italian. It’s like my country of origination. . .
Jeff:
The mobsters are becoming less important.
Casey:
Nobody cares about mobsters — Italian-Americans, no one cares about that at all, certainly.
Jeff:
The Catholics are fucking everything.
Casey:
Catholics are dud.
Jeff:
Yes. The priests were like, “Woo, they’re just like bananas.” [xx]
Casey:
In Italy, there’s nothing there. This is just like a wasteland, as far as I can tell. They make suits, that’s about it. Like, “fashion,” that’s all you got.
Jeff:
Cuisine. You got the cuisine. That’s about it.
Casey:
Maybe some olive oil, you want some olive oil, we can press that for you and send it over.
Jeff:
Even the cuisine is getting carved off by all the chains and all that.
Casey:
Oh, yes. I was one of them. Two countries in Europe, we’re on the wrong side of World War II. How is it going?
Jeff:
[laughs] High five!
Casey:
Nice to meet you. Yes, high five.
Jeff:
High five, Poland. [laughs]
Casey:
Yes, exactly. What this basically means is I’m either going to have to marry a German or marry an Italian. I guess I can marry a Japanese, that’s it, that’s all I got. No one else wants an Italian because they’re one of only the two countries on the wrong side.
Jeff:
No. All the losers don’t want to hang out together, they want to mix up.
Casey:
Why is someone from France going to want to date someone that invaded their country? That’s not going to happen.
Jeff:
I don’t know. If you dress up with riding crops, I think it works.
Casey:
Oh, that’s a good point, apparently. But this is the other problem: Nazis, from Germany, that’s like a mythos. I mean, that’s a thing.
Jeff:
Yes, Italians were just [xx].
Casey:
You won’t even know a thing. You won’t even [xx] Italians. Name it, name what the Italians, [xx].
Jeff:
Your [xx].
Casey:
No one can even name what their [xx] the people was. No one even knows if they did anything.
Jeff:
The only thing that they’re known for is the trains, which actually didn’t run on time.
Casey:
Which did not run on time.
Jeff:
Yes, you’re fucked. You are fucked.
Casey:
To be honest with you, I’m surprised that they had the wherewithal, at that point, to even build the train in the first place. It sounds like they were just a complete disaster. Essentially, from 1700 on, I can’t think of a Western [xx] moment for Italy.
Jeff:
That Italy drop?
Casey:
Is there one?
Jeff:
I don’t know.
Casey:
I mean, I really can’t.
Jeff:
Really, we’re not going to think for what even if we did, if there are some awesome ones, we’re not going to think of it. I mean, let’s be honest here.
Casey:
I was about to say something, like when was Garibaldi in the red shirts? No, we’re not going there.
Jeff:
No, don’t do it.
Casey:
Their shirts probably weren’t red. They probably had rainbow-colored shirts or some shit like this. It was Prada shirts. Garibaldi in the Prada Revolution.
Jeff:
That’s true. Cuisine and fashion.
Casey:
Yes. What you were trying to say was that they took some dude who was previously the President of Formula 1.
Jeff:
It’s [xx].
Casey:
Who have been caught having a crazy group orgy with a bunch of people dressed like Nazis or who were actually Nazis, I don’t know.
Jeff:
Yes, we don’t know.
Casey:
They’re either actually Nazis or just dressed Nazis or both.
Jeff:
Right. If you were a Nazi, I’d say, “Look, this is just costume.” That’s like your skills.
Casey:
You’re not going to admit it, you’re going to be like, “Oh, yes, we’re a bunch of Nazis down here, what’s going on? You want to race some cars with us? It’s going to be great.” No, they’re going to be like, “I have no idea, you told me to put on this outfit, we felt a little uncomfortable about it. My friend is Jewish.” You’d say a bunch of shit that was completely false, just speak and walk out of there without being on the news. So they replaced this guy with a new guy, is what you’re saying, and that was, how long ago? We don’t know?
Jeff:
Eleven months ago or so.
Casey:
About 11 months ago?
Jeff:
Right. So they get the new guy, unfortunately, new guy was quoted recently as saying, this is about a month ago since the last podcast. He said, [xx] get that quote up here, why don’t we get that exactly right, because it’s pretty good. This is a quote that comes up now and again, and we’ll talk about that in a second.
Casey:
Yes, okay. So this is by Bernie Ecclestone, and apparently, in an interview with the Times, I assume that’s the New York Times or it’s the London Times.
Jeff:
London Times. [xx]
Casey:
Okay, so the London Times. So the London Times, he praised Adolf Hitler’s ability to “get things done.” So, I guess, if I may, the things that Hitler got done would be what exactly — weapons manufacturing, mass extinction?
Jeff:
Yes. Hitler woke up in the morning and he kept the day timer. He had a system where he had like exterminate the Jews, invade other countries.
Casey:
Extend our boundaries, [xx] supremacy.
Jeff:
You copy it over on to the next page and you kept doing that, because we had a system.
Casey:
Okay. So you’re basically saying this is like the seven habits of how effective Hitler. It’s basically what you’re talking about? He had certain, like he was, for example, when you’re going to address someone, don’t [xx] talking right away. Wait a minute and a half, wait a minute and a half to start your speech, it gets the crowd [xx]. Habit number one.
Jeff:
Anticipation.
Casey:
It’s good stuff. Habit number two, always insist that you need room to grow. You need a lot of growing room. Room to grow, very important. How can you grow when you don’t have any room? There’s nowhere to grow into, that’s the problem.
Jeff:
That’s actually a good point.
Casey:
That’s the whole thing. You wake up in the morning, you’re like, “We have no room for the cows to graze, and Poland’s right there.” As far as I can tell, the only thing that’s there is all of Poland. So, it seems like, pretty natural that we should be able to just go use some of that. Move them over.
Jeff:
Right, move the fences. We’re just moving the fences.
Casey:
Right. Exactly. I mean, who has the records to this anyway? Who is to say, I mean, you know.
Jeff:
It’s probably Italian records.
Casey:
That’s a property line problem.
Jeff:
They went to the Italian record places [xx] because they kept all that documentation originally.
Casey:
I’m sure they did, yes.
Jeff:
They said, “Look, we need a surveyor out to mark the line of Poland.” They’re like, “It’s going to be four months.” They said, “Look, I can’t wait for that. We’re just going to take that ourselves and we’ll just moved it.” They counted those little pieces of wood with the little red, plastic stripe on it and said, “This is now Germany.”
Casey:
Yes. It’s called the streetcrage [?]. It’s like quickly moving the fences over into your neighbor’s garden.
Jeff:
Streetcrage.
Casey:
Yes, exactly.
Jeff:
Yes, okay. I got you.
Casey:
No, stripes. Street[xx] that’s what it was called. So, I think, habit number four. . .
Jeff:
Do you think Google [xx] of you?
Casey:
[laughs]
Jeff:
Well, you just keep hitting the arrow and it moves.
Casey:
Yes, it moves it forward further and further. Four would be do not go into a meeting without power mustache, probably power mustache. You keep that trimmed.
Jeff:
He ruined that mustache for all [xx]. No one can ever rock that mustache again. You’re not going to be able to drop it. You do that, you’re a joke. The thing is he was like really into blond hair, blue eyed, tall, they’re like master, he was none of those things. He’s like a short, squatty guy with the funny mustache. You’re like, “Dude!”
Casey:
Well, no kidding.
Jeff:
“I don’t want to break this to you.”
Casey:
You think he might have had some personal image problems.
Jeff:
No, I’m sure he did.
Casey:
You think it’s possible. It’s likely possible.
Jeff:
How can he pull this shit?
Casey:
You want to know what, Jeff, though? For all the faults that you’re saying there? He got things done, apparently, or Bernie Ecclestone seems to think so anyway.
Jeff:
Well, the funny thing about this quote is, famous people get caught talking about Hitler a lot and it’s always, “Look, he was doing some good things.” It was Will Smith, a couple of years ago.
Casey:
He got caught up in a bad scene.
Jeff:
You know, bad crowd, really.
Casey:
Yes. Really. It’s tough. It’s rough. Yes.
Jeff:
No. That’s the thing. It’s like, just stop. There’s no positive spin to be put on that time range. You can’t do it. It doesn’t matter, like Marge Schott of the Cincinnati Reds, same thing. He did do some things right, and you’re like, “No, he didn’t.”
Casey:
At some point, you got to be like look at it a little bit more like a pie chart. So they’re looking at this gigantic, huge Pacman thing with a little sliver.
Jeff:
The Pacman is. . .
Casey:
Everything else he did.
Jeff:
. . .this is everything evil Hitler did. It’s almost a circle, there’s this little slivers.
Casey:
They’re choosing to go like, “Well, I think history really isn’t giving him a fair shake on this little sliver.” It’s like, “Okay, yes, you’re probably right. The history books did not emphasize that little sliver.”
Jeff:
Especially because the line going to the sliver that goes to the legend to say what the sliver was is larger than the sliver. It’s subpixel.
Casey:
Well, wait, but you’re forgetting something, too. There are probably many lines going to that sliver, [xx] ten lines going into the sliver, because there’s multiple little things in there, nine of which are also arguably bad, just not definitely evil. Then there’s one that was had a food bank program or something, at some point.
Jeff:
For Aryans.
Casey:
Yes. Exactly.
Jeff:
He did have the “Feed the Aryans” program.
Casey:
Yes, certainly, certainly. That was something.
Jeff:
It was something. Everything else is just marginally non-evil, had non-burning Thursdays. Little things like that, you’re like, “No, dude, just stop it.” So, I don’t know.
Casey:
Successful author, published a very widely read book.
Jeff:
What’s awesome is when these usually wealthy famous people step into it like this. They need to, hastily, with there publicist, worked out an apology to make it seem like “This was just a mistake, it is misquoted out of context,” whatever.
Casey:
Yes. When I said that Adolf Hitler got things done, I just meant, you know, around the house. He was like, he kept his garden in good shape, he’s a good neighbor, really is what I meant. It’s a shame about all the rest of the stuff.
Jeff:
Yes. But not Bernie, Bernie doubled down. Bernie said, “Look, you got 20, the dealer has a six showing. He said, ”Hit me.“ You have that quote.
Casey:
[laughs] No, I don’t know this quote. I don’t know this quote.
Jeff:
This quote was when he’s addressing all these Jewish outcry of these Jewish organizations rightfully slow, being like, “What the fuck! We just got rid of the guy fucking them and now you’re talking about how you get things done. What’s going on at F1?! What is going on over there, guys?” Anyways, so he’s like, “Listen.”
Casey:
It doesn’t help the Ferraris Italian. I can’t imagine that’s helping.
Jeff:
No. And Porsche. All right. The two Vegas people, this isn’t good.
Casey:
Yes, exactly. Wasn’t Ferdinand Porsche like didn’t he and Hitler invent the Bug together, basically?
Jeff:
The history of German manufacturing was all related, same with BMW and all that. The BMW logo is a propeller on a blue sky. They made the motors. . .you know the XX supposed to be a propeller. So yes, there’s some issues there.
Casey:
All right, that’s good.
Jeff:
German engineering, you know.
Casey:
Keep going.
Jeff:
Anyway. So, what he said was, “Look, all these people are upset. They have more to be upset because they can’t get the banking situation resolved.” The people were like, “Aaa, what?” He said, “Look, I don’t want to say it anymore, you have a lot of influence.” You’re like, “Bernie! You didn’t draw the ace. The dealer did not hit you with an ace, he hit you with another cane.” So yes, it just got worse for old Bernie. Then about four days later, he did get the publicists involved. I don’t know, it gave him another 30 days and he’s out of there, too.
Casey:
That’s brutal.
Jeff:
Yes. You’re just like, he’s so annoyed that he’s addressing these questions at all. He questions, apparently, the Jews were dealing with him when they should have been dealing with the banking crisis.
Casey:
Right. There’s some elected body of Jewish officials that are wasting their time on the Bernie Ecclestone problem instead of dealing with this banking crisis that they’re apparently like in charge of, all of a sudden.
Jeff:
Right. Exactly. Which you just go, “Holy shit! If there was a Bernie Ecclestone Hour on TV. . .
Casey:
Yes. Bad news.
Jeff:
. . .by the 15-minute commercial break, it’s dead air. It’s like “Woooooo. The ABC will return after these messages.” But yes, all right.
Casey:
That’s impressive. Yes, I have not been following that. Glad to know that Bernie. . .
Jeff:
Special people in the world.
Casey:
. . .kind of brought it around there. I’m looking at his picture now, and he kind of looks like Steven Hawking. But Steven Hawking has a severe muscular degenerative disease. I don’t know what this guy’s excuses exactly, other than he’s like apparently hates Jewish people.
Jeff:
He’s just a troll. Hatred is ruining him from the inside.
Casey:
I guess. It looks like he would kind of growl it out at you, too. “Go fix the banking systems instead of bothering me?” What’s his nationality?
Jeff:
I believe he’s British. Anyway. All right. Well, that is it for us this week. We’re going to plow through a bunch of other podcasts that you’ll be hearing over the next weeks.
Casey:
Don’t give away secrets. Don’t give them our secrets.
Jeff:
Oh, there’s some secrets.
Casey:
Don’t tell them how we do the show.
Jeff:
It’s going to be some good action.
Casey:
[xx] except the sausage factory. They don’t want to know how sausage is stuffed, they don’t want to know what goes in there, they just want to eat it. They just want to grill it and eat it.
Jeff:
That’s disgusting. I don’t want to know how sausages are stuffed either. Hey, have you seen the YouTube of when Martha Stewart is filling the sausage with Conan O’Brien?
Casey:
You know, as far as I can tell, it is impossible for me to ever even say the word “sausage” that you’re bringing up that fucking story?
Jeff:
That is awesome.
Casey:
The fact that you still can’t remember if I’ve seen it is ridiculous.
Jeff:
That’s because you never go to my links, you never go to my links.
Casey:
Right, the answer is no. I haven’t seen it and I’m not going to.
Jeff:
Now, you’re like, “Oh, I’m going to live a monk-like existence in my new apartment with no Internet.” I get an email from Casey like, once in the afternoon. It’s like I’m having an emergency, Casey, I’m having an emergency, I need you to look at this link. Six hours later, you’re like, “Yes, it didn’t come out because my Internet is too slow to watch YouTube.”
Casey:
Okay, let’s just get some stuff straight right here. I don’t have the Internet now, so when I go to a coffee shop and open up my email, it’s like 8,000 podcast animal links.
Jeff:
Yes, it’s awesome.
Casey:
8,000 podcasts [xx] with you replying, “That was awesome.” Someone sends in some dude get bitten in the crotch by a dog, you’re like, “This is awesome.”
Jeff:
Hey, by the way, just to our listeners who send us those awesome links, and I read them all, I’m getting so many now I can’t reply to them all. Just know that when you send me an animal link, I’m smiling on the inside, I can’t keep up with the influx of words.
Casey:
I can tell you right now, Jeff actually reads every single God damn one because I do not, I have to tell you that right now.
Jeff:
What we do, in our pre-production for the show,. . .
Casey:
But you sure do.
Jeff:
. . .we went through all of our links.
Casey:
That’s true. We go through a lot of links for pre-production.
Jeff:
It takes us about an hour to go through everything. So no, we appreciate those, and no, it’s awesome. I put up a whole bunch of animal links of my own on the Facebook page, so you can go scoop that because we did see. . .
Casey:
Aah, I will go scoop that.
Jeff:
I went and saw some crazy animals. You can get to us now at Facebook.
Casey:
Facebook.com/JeffandCaseyShow.
Jeff:
JeffandCaseyShow, yes. We exceeded the amount to be considered an official show, so we have a lot of new people, so I hope you’ll like the show.
Casey:
And just so you know, we are available on iTunes, Twitter, Facebook feed. You can also RSS us, all of these things.
Jeff:
I think we’re even on YouTube, because I keep finding little links to the YouTube.
Casey:
Yes, you can get on YouTube.
Jeff:
Is that still working?
Casey:
It’s still working. So, we’ve got some work to do on the website, certainly, but it’s all up there. So JeffAndCaseyShow.com, there’s a row of icons that you can click on of anything in the world, it will be available to you and we will love you back.
Jeff:
Yes. All right. Well, thanks, everybody, and we will see you next week.
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casey muratori
the jeff and casey show - season 2 - episode 14
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