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The Jeff and Casey Show
Jeff and Casey Time
Casey Muratori
Seattle, WA
An Awkward Way to Come Out of the Bathroom
"Believe it or not, Romeo and Juliet is not a documentary."
Original air date: August 17th, 2009
Topics. Rufies. Team Fortress. Tragedy. Science fiction. Gun control. Fantasy. Shot. Bathroom rules. Toilet. Japanese bathrooms. Larry Craig. Hamlet.
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Transcript
Jeff:
hey everybody welcome to the jeff and casey show
Casey:
hello and welcome to the jeff and casey show
Jeff:
yes, im kind of winded by the last podcast, so im going to have to put it in second gear to keep it going.
Casey:
well. . .
Jeff:
(interrupts)we have a story
Casey:
yes, we have a tragedy this week that we want to discuss
Jeff:
terrible
Casey:
now i think jeff, why isn’t the mega timer going, thats your one job when we start the podcast
Jeff:
here we go, there its going
Casey:
all right, we have a tragedy this week
Jeff:
ok
Casey:
and i think that everyone in america ,certainly, after columbine so on
Jeff:
right
Casey:
gun safety has been a major issue, right
Jeff:
right
Casey:
you know, thats kind of problematic
Jeff:
weather we should do gun control or not
Casey:
should we have more gun control, how do we keep people from having these kinds of shootings
Jeff:
how do we, how do we have the people who want to protect themselves against not only say, thieves and stuff
Casey:
exactly
Jeff:
but also against the government
Casey:
right
Jeff:
like thats part of the constitution
Casey:
thats right, the right to bare arms
Jeff:
being able to, and specifically for the fact that maybe some day the government might be to powerful and you want to fight them off
Casey:
exactly
Jeff:
however
Casey:
theres a number of important things when it comes to gun control
Jeff:
right, in this story
Casey:
this story here is about how, sort of, i think, something that no one is talking about right now and we at the jeff and casey show are going to bring it up, because its like, its the hidden cost if you will.
Jeff:
right
Casey:
its the part of the debate that people arn’t taking kinda, and im talking about, women accidentally shot sitting on toilet
Jeff:
ok so she was sitting on a toilet and she was shot
Casey:
a women in america, very specific story we have here,
Jeff:
right
Casey:
was accidentally shot while sitting on the toilet, when the person in the next toilet cubical dropped there gun
Jeff:
ok
Casey:
53 year old janitor bliss was sitting in the cubical in a hotel bathroom in tampa florida
Jeff:
fucking florida
Casey:
not surpassing to you jeff im sure
Jeff:
yea
Casey:
when she was hit in the leg by the stray bullet, according to authorities the women in the next cubical let her hand gun fall out of her waist holster and it fired when it hit the ground.
Jeff:
ok, so, you know when women all go to the bathroom together
Casey:
yep
Jeff:
were they friends, do you think, there strangers
Casey:
no the reason women go to the bathroom together is to protect themselves from gun shot wounds
Jeff:
one of them covers
Casey:
right
Jeff:
one of the yells cover me
Casey:
cover me, exactly, thats whats happening in there, right
Jeff:
and when she was shot by a bullet, thats not a euphemism by the way
Casey:
nope
Jeff:
i have to go take a, i need to go get shot by a bullet
Casey:
no, she actually got shot by an actual bullet
Jeff:
right, can you imagine the fucking germs
Casey:
well, that is a really infected wound
Jeff:
septic, holy shit
Casey:
heres the thing, when you go into, especially in tampa florida, you go into a public restroom
Jeff:
right
Casey:
im already expecting the worst, ok im expecting theres going to be shit shmers on the thing, theres toilet tissue everywhere, theres urine on the floor
Jeff:
i would to take take a shit in a bunny suit, unbutton the back, do my business
Casey:
so im worried about catching all these diseases, im worried about just the stink of the smell, NOW I HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT BEING SHOT IN THE LEG
Jeff:
you were worried about catching diseases and now your catching a bullet
Casey:
now im catching a bullet in my leg, how is that fair, so what are we suppost to do about this right, we cant very well have a little thing like those little things that you pull this thing out and put it down on the toilet seat. are you going to have like a kevlar vest dispenser or something, your like suit up, im going to take a crap
Jeff:
you know when you go to a restaurant and they have the little plaques next to the sink that say thing like always wash your hands and all you think about is like who the fuck are they telling that, ok i dont want to think about them peeing anyway
Casey:
yes
Jeff:
but then the fact that they need this sign means that some people are like party on not washing there hands, i call this the jeff special and add a little something something to the meal
Casey:
yea
Jeff:
that freaks me out
Casey:
right
Jeff:
but now they have to have additional signage in there saying people dont drop your gun while your taking a shit, not for your own safety but for the people next to you.
Casey:
right
Jeff:
holy fuck
Casey:
well im assuming that the next step is like metal detectors when you enter the bathroom
Jeff:
exactly
Casey:
BEEP
Jeff:
the wand view
Casey:
BEEP BEEP BEEP
Jeff:
BEEP BEEP BEEP
Casey:
BEEP
Jeff:
thats a metal plate
Casey:
right
Jeff:
and its fine
Casey:
well if it makes you feel any better the 56 year old women who dropped the gun did have a concealed handgun permit, so she was legally carrying the gun
Jeff:
right
Casey:
right, it wasn’t an illegally dropped firearm
Jeff:
look, look, lets, lets not blow this story out of, you know, out of proportion, yes she was shot while she was taking a shit, that private moment when you think your all alone,
Casey:
yea
Jeff:
right, im just doing my business
Casey:
BAM
Jeff:
BAM , reality recedes
Casey:
right in the leg
Jeff:
brings you back to life right, i dont like when i can hear other people talking in the bathroom
Casey:
right
Jeff:
i dont want to hear there, i pretend i have a cone of silence, cone of silence for jeff, all right
Casey:
right
Jeff:
i shouldn’t have to be imagining like projectlies right
Casey:
its true, its true
Jeff:
oh my god
Casey:
the only thing i could think of when i read this story was like larry craig’s worst nightmare right, because hes trying to, hes trying to get a foot over the line, right, thats his goal
Jeff:
right, right
Casey:
and here we have someone who’s like shooting people in the leg
Jeff:
right, bam, here comes larry craig limping out of the restroom
Casey:
I’VE BEEN SHOT I’VE BEEN SHOT, i swore id never do this again and here i did try it one more time, and i got shot, what could possibly be worst
Jeff:
well everyone though the glory hole was to stick your unit through, its really just to stick the, to get a better sight, to shoot through the thing.
Casey:
sights, its for sights, now how incompetent do you have to be to like have your gun fall out of your holster when your just bending over at the toilet, and then have it shoot, isn’t there a safety just for this very purpose
Jeff:
yea you think theres a safety, i mean dropping the gun, ok i think i put something on facebook about this, when i went to the atlanta bathroom, i sat down
Casey:
there was a certain smell of discharged gunpowder
Jeff:
i went to use the restroom and the auto flush sensor was broken ok, so as i lay out the little thing
Casey:
it sucked it down
Jeff:
and as i was sitting, it flushed and i was sitting and it was too late to abort the sitting, so im like uhhhh trying to stop myself, right down onto the seat which caused me to go AHHH kinda like a little scream, and im thinking oh shit everyone heard me thats bad, so like i stand back up going oh my god oh my god put down another one sit down again, i sit down and as i sit down my sunglasses fall out of my shirt and i like go OHHH and i go to catch them midair because if there touching the ground they have to be thrown away
Casey:
ok
Jeff:
i catch them but i lean forward enough that the auto flush triggers
Casey:
oh no
Jeff:
now, women might not understand this, theres kind of a pendulum action when your on the toilet and lean forward
Casey:
yep, the unit, the unit, yep
Jeff:
for men, theres some rotation kind of counter balance, so when that auto flusher kicks in, its like hello, like it is a car wash down there and your the car, i screamed again much louder the second time. the two screams in rapid succession, i just stayed in there for like 10 minutes
Casey:
to make sure that everyone who heard me has cycled through
Jeff:
right, so i understand the dropping of the gun, like i could have, you know dropped my gun, reached to grab it, auto flush, and then i guess thats when the gun went off
Casey:
squeezed the trigger
Jeff:
do you think she threw that gun away when it hit the ground, because i would have thrown that gun away if it hit the ground
Casey:
you know what, i dont think she probably did, i think she probably wiped it off
Jeff:
just like a wet wipe, then probably shot whoever’s standing next to her at the wet wipe station, this is just going off
Casey:
this is like that scene in true lies when she drops the gun down the stairs and killed all the terrorists, so like thats your defense, it could have been a terrorists, i could have saved the whole world, or at least new york city
Jeff:
that was a james cameron movie
Casey:
romeo and juliet in the CIA
Jeff:
romeo and juliet with terrorists, oh my god
Casey:
with John Arnold as comic relief
Jeff:
Tom Arnold
Casey:
tom arnold sorry
Jeff:
hes actually funny in that movie, thats the only time i though he was funny
Casey:
im just pointing that out again for the romeo and juliet thing
Jeff:
oh, i see
Casey:
was there a funny fat man in romeo and juliet probably right
Jeff:
yea
Casey:
they just missed that scene, the frier, hes always good for a laugh, no breath will thoughts emit, whats the line from it, its something very morbid, like hes giving her the poison
Jeff:
yea, i dont remember
Casey:
its not poison, its sleeping, whatever you want to call it
Jeff:
hemlock
Casey:
no
Jeff:
oh the fake thing that makes you come back to life right
Casey:
yes, the frier gives juliet the like fake drug to make it appear
Jeff:
the roofie
Casey:
it is not a roofie
Jeff:
its a roofie
Casey:
its not a roofie
Jeff:
he roofied juliet and then she woke up and said what the
Casey:
roofies dont make you appear to be dead
Jeff:
i dont know i think they sort of do, you like out of it right
Casey:
but not dead, they make asleep or unconscious or something right
Jeff:
but theres nothing that makes you, i mean thats like, right out of
Casey:
yes, its fictional
Jeff:
yea
Casey:
believe it or not romeo and juliet was not a documentary
Jeff:
i know its not a documentary im just saying that roofies were the closest thing
Casey:
were you aware of that before hand,ok there is a narrator is that what threw you off, did the narrator throw you off, thats what happened, you were like no its true, it happened, it really happened this whole time
Jeff:
stop it
Casey:
it happened once a night for you know two months, twice on sunday the matana
Jeff:
stop it
Casey:
it was a tradgedy,it keeps happening over and over again we cant stop yesterday from repeating itself
Jeff:
so what i dont get is did the police really investigate this maybe this was all like, she claimed she dropped the gun and she really wanted to shoot her.
Casey:
it does seem a little unusual
Jeff:
it seems so far fetched
Casey:
its seems it would be hard for the gun to go off in that fashion because if the gun is going to be pointed to the side like that how is the trigger getting depressed.
Jeff:
yea, i dont, yea, it seems like this is all a maneuver
Casey:
it does seem odd
Jeff:
a little fishy
Casey:
oh i dropped my gun
Jeff:
see again dropped my gun, totally sounds like oh i need to go drop a gun
Casey:
Lee Harvey Oswald is like i dropped my gun, i was reaching for a book in the book depository and my sniper riffle just kind of fell down
Jeff:
no i dont understand that at all, you would think that also like think that like that would happen in a mens restroom not a women’s, that would seem like a more manly thing that theres gunplay in the stalls
Casey:
i think the problem here is that the phrase dropped you gun is code for something in a mans restroom
Jeff:
yea, im going to drop a gun
Casey:
thats where the euphemism is right, so sometimes when you go into the bathroom and your with people which im imagining she was because its a public restroom so theres probably someone outside waiting for her
Jeff:
wait your saying the girlfriends went in, oh your saying the boyfriends out there girls in there
Casey:
i dont know if she had a boyfriend, but theres probably people she was eating with, it doesn’t say in the story but theres probably people
Jeff:
ok
Casey:
i mean sometimes maybe its embossing if your in the bathroom for to long or something theres many embarrassing you have to try to conversationally avoid any awkwardness that might occur, lets say your pants are soaking wet when you come out, it could be bad, it could be hard to explain away
Jeff:
theres also the joker in the group thats always how did it go in there
Casey:
how did it go in there, your like actually i got shot in the ankel, asshole
Jeff:
i got shot, fucker
Casey:
thats got to be a pretty awkward way to come out of the bathroom, with a bloody gunshot wound in your leg, your like yea it didn’t go so well actually, did not go well at all, i got shot in the leg
Jeff:
you come out bleeding from the bathroom, the womens bathroom just in general im just like check please im out of there, i dont want to know what happened, i dont want to know if your shot, i dont want to know if theres something else going on there, i dont want to know i dont care
Casey:
ah jeff your always so squeamish
Jeff:
yes i am
Casey:
well the man who squealed like a um, just from, um the, what was it sitting in the stall without the thing
Jeff:
yes
Casey:
yea, Ah was that kind of the noise
Jeff:
well it was girlier then that but well the first one was like oh, the second one was like a full scream, that one, when you get the car wash, as i, the car wash, the rock Duane “The Rock” Johnson gets car washed he screamed
Casey:
high pitched, full on
Jeff:
you do not expect that, theres a lot of stuff going on down there that you dont want to have going on, sensations you know, textures, all of it no good
Casey:
i see, now you may continue
Jeff:
i guess thats it, women dont play enough team fortress 2
Casey:
right smoke grenade, i would have covered that shit out with smoke grenade, flush them out, concussion grenade into the stall, kick the door open
Jeff:
exactly, and so because video games are ment more for men or designed more for men because there made by men almost you know 100%, these games dont appeal to women and there paying the price, in america today, our lack of making inclusive video games hurt this women
Casey:
you think that was the problems
Jeff:
yea
Casey:
that was the problem that was the problem because her girlfriends were not capable of providing cover fire, suppression fire
Jeff:
right right because they have not played enough team fortress 2
Casey:
your there, i see, all right
Jeff:
if Gabe Newell wants me to do a commercial for half life 2
Casey:
you know i have never subscribed to that theory at all by the way, i think its complete garbage, this concept that video games are mostly for men because there made by men, thats just completely wrong, video games are defiantly mostly for men, but thats not because there made by men its because there made by retarded men. there made by man children if they were just made by well adjusted males who like had some interest in a wide variety of subject mattets they would be fine because men make movies that women enjoy all the time and men write books that women enjoy all the time. so its obviously not the fact that there men its which men they are that is the problem.
Jeff:
the penis is not the problem its the brain thats the problem
Casey:
no the penis is not the problem, its the brain
Jeff:
its the brain in those men
Casey:
its not that they are men, its which men they are thats what im trying to say, that is our problem, if we could get some men who had any interest in anything other then space marines we would be probably all set
Jeff:
no space marines, no fucking fantasy horse shit
Casey:
no dragons, no sci fy for a while
Jeff:
wipe those 2 out for a while
Casey:
just keep them out for a while, cause sci fy and fantasy sell well even among females so its not like the genera is the problem, just dont do it for a while, because your letting yourself hide there
Jeff:
those are the two worst kinds of literature
Casey:
but the highest grossing
Jeff:
but its the one that every video game is based on
Casey:
yes
Jeff:
hey theres other stuff out there that we can draw upon
Casey:
but like i said those are the most highest grossing generas so its not like you cant do those right because your going to have to do those, those are going to be your biggest money makers
Jeff:
what about books right
Casey:
i would imagine in everything, in books, in movies, in everything, there is no, i dont know that there is a medium
Jeff:
well harry potter is a fairly new thing, i mean stephen king would totally dwarf, i mean hes done a little fantasy but his is way more horror-ish and if you say like the Grishim books like how many fucking books has he done about courtroom stuff
Casey:
that could be, we would have to check the numbers on books, in films its unequally sci fi fantasy
Jeff:
you think
Casey:
absolutely i ran the numbers on those, there on the monocle website, oh no there not there on game rants ill post them, ill repost them. i ran the numbers on that, its overwhelmingly like lord of the rings, and star wars, and these movies are always top grossing, always
Jeff:
but Titanic’s not that
Casey:
the outliers were like titanic and one other film i dont remember
Jeff:
raiders, raiders is not fantasy
Casey:
raiders was not in the top grossing
Jeff:
really, thats suppressing
Casey:
no, that i can unequivably say because i did the numbers on that one, and its sci fi fantasy are the highest grossing period, titanic was the only one that was not sci fi fantasy that was in the tier of like things
Jeff:
i see, i see
Casey:
and i think for romanic comedies its like dire, they gross crap basically, its just because they can make them for so short
Jeff:
yea there return is way better, and you can also go to that well again and again and again
Casey:
well the same with sci fi fantasy, yea milk it
Jeff:
well with sci fi they tend to, you dont get two sci fi movies opening the same weekend
Casey:
thats true
Jeff:
they stager them out were its easy to see like a couple of romanic comedies come out and they both do ok
Casey:
yea because you and your 30 plus companions are just working the romanic comedies, i see
Jeff:
yea, its no problem. all right if would rather us not discuss women going to the bathroom, well this was a user linked so this is what people wanted us to talk about
Casey:
i dont know what your talking about, this is what people wanted us to talk about
Jeff:
this is what people want on the jeff and casey show
Casey:
people want to know why in supposedly a free and open democratic society you can go to the bathroom and get shot in the leg, people want to know why
Jeff:
if people subscribed to my bathroom rules
Casey:
one person in a bathroom at a time period, thats your rule
Jeff:
yes, now however in a public bathroom with lots of urinals and stalls
Casey:
right
Jeff:
one person can be in a stall thats it, doesn’t matter how many stalls there are in one and we talked about the distribution of that right, no talking right, nothing of that play, no gunplay
Casey:
no gunplay
Jeff:
that should go without saying but lets say it, this is america right, no gunplay
Casey:
dont take the gun out of the holster
Jeff:
right
Casey:
dont think about taking the gun out of the holster
Jeff:
if the gun comes out of the holster however
Casey:
yes, which invariably it will
Jeff:
you have to notify everyone around you that the gun is out, if you’ve taken the gun out, listen ladies and gentleman my guns out i know im not suppost to take it out, its out, i couldn’t help, and then there are rules
Casey:
its heading for the floor, everyone raise up your feet, actually here we go
Jeff:
jump, right now
Casey:
there you go, that should be the new Jeff Roberts rule because it hits all of your things, cleanliness, safety, when your in the bathroom, keep your feet off of the floor, when you sit down just raise them up
Jeff:
just hold them up
Casey:
just hold them up, so there not touching the ground where things could get icky as i think you would say, you wont get shot, larry craig wont stance you, its all good
Jeff:
you know one time, this one time i was at Wriggly field to see a baseball game
Casey:
im sure you were
Jeff:
and had to use the stall
Casey:
how do you feel about the white socks
Jeff:
no cubs
Casey:
cubs sorry, i know my baseball teams
Jeff:
cubs
Casey:
so Chicago
Jeff:
yea Chicago, so im in the stall they do not have the safety
Casey:
wears the white socks
Jeff:
its south Chicago, cant remember that we went to the world series
Casey:
so i was close
Jeff:
yea, so they did not have the protective covering so i had to hover above the toilet for the whole act
Casey:
wow, thats like asian style
Jeff:
thats how they roll
Casey:
so like a lot of places like that i went in japan they just have a hole in the ground
Jeff:
oh my god
Casey:
like its just, you go in that
Jeff:
oh my god
Casey:
apparently thats, apparently in japan its actually quite a bit better then it is in china or something were your much more frequently that way
Jeff:
you dont leave your condo and you dont leave your work right, you go right from your condo to work and back in your car no matter how close it is, you go out into the world why would you go to a place that you shit in the hole, how do you shit in the hole, i dont even understand, its like a hook shot or something
Casey:
it was uncomfortable i have to admit, its trick
Jeff:
i couldn’t handle it, the splash damage alone would cause me to have to kill myself
Casey:
i dont know that theres any water in there, i dont think its a water thing
Jeff:
dude, this has gone nowhere, did we already tell people to email us the links
Casey:
i have no idea
Jeff:
podcast@thejeffandcaseyshow.com facebook twitter were all there, come by and see us email us let us know
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casey muratori
the jeff and casey show - season 2 - episode 12
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