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The Jeff and Casey Show
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Casey Muratori
Seattle, WA
A Crime of Sloppiness
"If the first forty-five seconds are anything other than an ad for Coca Cola, you didn't put in a Disney movie."
Original air date: June 21st, 2009
Topics. Harcore pornography. Kindergarten. Elementary school. The Jonas Brothers. Britney Spears. Disney. AP tests. The Brady Bunch.
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Transcript
Jeff:
Hey everybody! Welcome to the Jeff and Casey Show.
Casey:
Welcome to the Jeff and Casey Show.
Jeff:
We’re laying it down on Sunday night in podcast studios, which is very warm today.
Casey:
Here’s a little tidbit for those of you who want Jeff and Casey Show trivia. We pretty much always podcast on Sunday nights.
Jeff:
That’s usually true.
Casey:
It is usually true. Once in a while we don’t, but pretty much if you’re hearing us; you’re hearing us from some Sunday night.
Jeff:
That’s true. It’s unclear which one at any time. We usually do several of them, and then pick the best ones.
Casey:
We cherry pick.
Jeff:
some days our B-sides, you know when the Beatles or Nirvana.
Casey:
Right. Other people who are probably not necessarily as popular as us but, just giving you examples, Beatles and Nirvana.
Jeff:
Who, when you want to make a collection of their other material for like “Let It Be Naked” or “The B-Sides” and all that are gonna have a treasure trove of Jeff and Casey information just ready to go, and it’s all quality stuff.
Casey:
For the five people who are going to be interested in this treasure trove, it is a VAST treasure trove.
Jeff:
You and I are two of those.
Casey:
That’s right. So the three other people. We’ve already heard it, but for the three other people who haven’t, mom, they will be very entertained, and it will be fine. Well we have a treat for our listeners here, because I know that a lot of our listeners, since they listen to our show which tends to not deal with the most wholesome of topics in general, when they were elementary school, they probably would have liked to get their hands on some pornographic material, I’m just guessing. They were probably the kinds of kids who were trying to get some 18+ materials from their local 7-11 or whatever, and maybe were succeeding, maybe they were failing. They flipped the script. This particular school flipped the script. The headline is.
Jeff:
Is this a headline somebody sent us?
Casey:
This is a link somebody sent in.
Jeff:
OK, who sent it to us?
Casey:
You would ask me that question. Why did you ask me that question?
Jeff:
Well I just want to make sure we have our i’s dotted and our t’s crossed. We’re professional.
Casey:
I have no idea.
Jeff:
OK
Casey:
I’m assuming its Juan
Jeff:
OK
Casey:
Let’s just say its Juan, because Juan always provides us with the quality links.
Jeff:
If it’s not Juan, then were gonna give a shout out to whoever it was on the next podcast.
Casey:
It says : “Elementary school accidently shows porn.”
Jeff:
OK. That can happen.
Casey:
Now, accidents.
Jeff:
Happen.
Casey:
Come in different kinds right? One kind of an accident is like; a meteor strikes your house. That’s an accident.
Jeff:
I know somebody that happened to. Seriously.
Casey:
That is unequivocally, not your fault. There’s very little you could have done to avoid that.
Jeff:
That is the very definition of the word “accident”
Casey:
Nobody is at fault. A bad thing happened. Showing porn accidently in a high school, maybe bending the phrase “accidently” a little bit far. Because first, the porn has to get into the high school, which presumably, was not that accidental. Then it must get into a device capable of playing it back.
Jeff:
A DVD player.
Casey:
Also, not terribly accidental. And then, one must turn that device on while children are present.
Jeff:
A three step program.
Casey:
Those three steps, some of them could have happened without the knowledge of others, but at least one or two probably happened where somebody could have decided “You know what, I’m not gonna bring my porn DVD to school in case it happened to get into the wrong hands.”
Jeff:
OK, I’m with you.
Casey:
Anyway, here’s the situation. This is in Brooklyn, New York, where normally they wait until grades 6-9 to start showing hardcore pornography so the brouhaha was that this was elementary school.
Jeff:
And / or filming, but yes.
Casey:
No, that’s K-12. “A hardcore pornographic movie was accidently screened at PS17 in Brooklyn, New York school officials said. Students from five classes at the school had assembled to watch Camp Rock, a Disney Channel movie starring The Jonas Brothers, but after a teacher had powered up the DVD player and walked away to get the Disney movie, a skin flick began to play. ”The New York Post reported Sunday. If we could stop right there for a moment because there’s a number of things I’d like to ask.
Jeff:
Questions that as a reporter they should have brought up.
Casey:
Question number 1; exactly what level of dedication to the public education of children do you have to be evincing in order for you to go “Today, my class is going to watch Camp Rock.”
Jeff:
Well, I can address that. So when you are working hard on your social studies, your math, and whatever, generally in today’s schools you need a break. It’s just too much stress.
Casey:
Is that it?
Jeff:
Right. So all the kids that take Jonas Brothers, some kids might take Miley Cyrus, you choose.
Casey:
It’s an elective. It’s a Jonas Brothers elective for example.
Jeff:
Exactly, they need to get that. And also, hey, this is what they are doing on the weekends anyway, it doesn’t disrupt the process.
Casey:
So what you are saying basically is, ‘cause I should have clarified my question. Obviously it’s very important for children to be familiar with everything produced by the Disney Channel, so I wouldn’t ever want to suggest that, my concern is that in elementary school kids might not be ready to fully understand the nuances of Camp Rock. And so they won’t watch it when they are in high school, some time when they can really see all of the different social implications, and as a result, there not going to do as well on their AP Camp Rock test. That their AP Jonas Brothers, they might get a 2 or a 3 instead of a 5 on that. There leaving them unprepared for college. That’s my concern, that’s where I’m at.
Jeff:
Well, I think the other problem is, until you’ve taken all of your Jonas Brothers, a lot of kids might try to just skimp by and refer to the Cliff Notes. So you read the Jonas brother Cliff Notes, actually watch because there also in video form. The Cliff Notes went away from books ten years ago, they’re on to videos.
Casey:
It’s more efficient
Jeff:
More efficient, teaching. So they just watch the highlights of The Jonas Brothers Camp Rock right?
Casey:
Let me stop you right there. I don’t think you should consider it a degradation, you were kind of a little bit dismissive there. The important thing to remember here in my mind is that much like the classics, you should learn to read Greek before you read Aristophanes or something. You should listen to Jonas Brothers in their original format. It’s kind of like going back to the source. If you read some Cliff Notes, the Jonas Brothers are probably functionally illiterate for the most part. They never wrote anything down. I’m sure they can’t even read music. So listening to the Jonas Brothers is clearly the way to be exposed to them and to really understand what they were saying in my mind.
Jeff:
So what you’re saying is since they can’t read, if there was a book written by them you’re not seeing them in the original form.
Casey:
Exactly. Its once removed. Its like reading someone’s analysis of Plato, which is valuable, but you should start by reading the original.
Jeff:
So what the problem with that, I think, is that if you are exposed to Jonas Brothers directly, you’re not exposed to the classics that got them to where they are.
Casey:
You’re not seeing them in the proper context.
Jeff:
Right. You probably should see some Saved by the Bell, probably some Mouseketeer, you know, Britney Spears, that kind of thing. Before you jump right into your Jonas Brothers because you’re gonna be lost. The nuances are gonna be totally lost upon you.
Casey:
This is totally true because a lot of the things that were done in these Jonas Brothers films are very culturally aware and they’re tied into everything that came before them. You won’t be able to pick up the homage to Brittany Spears if you don’t understand that. Everyone who has ever been a Mouseketeer, it’s all connected, and you need to be put that into perspective, I think there’s no question about that.
Jeff:
Well certainly when you go to film school and you learn about Kurosawa, Orson Wells, and all those, one of the things you’re going to get into right away is Anette Funachello and the original MouseKeteers which is hard to watch today because they don’t have the modern conventions that we have now, but they establish the beach party, the angst you have in a Disney film, it’s not the angst that kids run into today, it’s a different kind of angst and if you don’t know the kind of thing that they’re going for, you might be just confused.
Casey:
I could not agree more. That is absolutely true. And I think that one of the things, at least for me, that really dilutes it to is, I don’t really even know what to call it exactly, this sort of notion that they’re manufactured or something like this. That it’s kind of an intentional thing. And nothing could be further from the truth. It is just the best mechanism for getting it out there. Everyone should be able to enjoy these things, the Jonas Brothers and so on. It’s just allowing the entire world really to experience these things that in bygone days, very few people would be able to go to the theater and see.
Jeff:
And now everybody can.
Casey:
And now everybody can.
Jeff:
OK so what happened?
Casey:
Moving on. They were going to see Camp Rock.
Jeff:
5th period.
Casey:
Exactly. 5th period, Camp Rock, but what happened instead is, I guess there was already a porn DVD in the DVD player.
Jeff:
Because the teacher left to get another disk
Casey:
The teacher went to get the disk, she had turned on the DVD player, which I assume booted and automatically started playing the film like a DVD will do. If there’s no title menu for example, it will just start playing the first thing. Because that’s what it normally does, just the first things that starts playing is the title menu. But if it was just the movie it would start playing. Typically porn movies probably don’t have very high budgets for the DVD release. . .
Jeff:
I have a problem with that anyway, that’s a whole other discussion. Really you want your special features and your other things on you porn.
Casey:
Outtakes.
Jeff:
Right. That they don’t bother giving you.
Casey:
Bonus Materials.
Jeff:
Things they cut for time.
Casey:
Original theatrical trailer.
Jeff:
Right. Things that they didn’t bother exploring completely, alternate endings.
Casey:
Director commentary.
Jeff:
Exactly. But you don’t get that. It’s a money thing now, it’s not about the culture.
Casey:
That’s really sad.
Jeff:
It is. OK so continue.
Casey:
So anyway. “The students, some as young as 5-years-old, were exposed to 45-seconds of sex acts in the incident late last month” The newspaper said.
Jeff:
I see. OK. 45 Seconds. Alright.
Casey:
“My son told his friend he saw a naked lady at school,” said Rona Easton, whose 6-year-old son, Cass, viewed the snippet with his kindergarten class. “I thought he was just being silly. It’s appalling.”
Jeff:
Yes it is. I’m outraged.
Casey:
Now obviously, this to me is kind of like, I don’t know if you remember there was a big scandal at one point, about how they were showing The Miracle of Life which is a documentary about birth, in high schools.
Jeff:
I saw that movie. It was worse than a horror movie.
Casey:
They were cutting the actual part of the birth. So it’s like “Poof! The baby comes out the other end”
Jeff:
Which is good because it looked like a fucking alien.
Casey:
Obviously I think the uproar here is insane. If you just show my kindergarten age child the first 45 seconds of sex, they don’t know what’s supposed to happen at the end of that. They’re gonna grow up, and they’re going to say “Suck my big beautiful balls” She’s gonna start and then they’re just gonna stop. They’re gonna be like “OK, we just had sex.” They’re gonna never procreate, they won’t understand what was supposed to happen next, and I can understand parents being upset about this. If you don’t show your children the full on cumshot in kindergarten, just don’t show it. Pick one or the other. Don’t start, and 45 seconds in decide you’re not into it anymore. Because that’s bullshit.
Jeff:
I think the other thing that’s surprising to me there is the accuracy of the timing. It’s like 45 seconds. Which is, I think, a clue to the perpetrator of this heinous crime. Which is somebody knew, OK it had gotten to the point where like, she had taken one in the ear, and he knew exactly that it was 45 seconds in. If Sherlock Holmes was on this case, that would be the thing that hinged.
Casey:
That undoes him. Who knew that it was 45 seconds. This is a very good point.
Jeff:
So they could identify who put the thing in there. Now I can’t blame, you know what this is a crime of is sloppiness more than anything.
Casey:
Kind of like the 45 seconds themselves.
Jeff:
Yeah, it’s like hey, you’re the principal, you have access to this great audio visual system, its way better than say the one you have at home. You fill up the auditorium. 5.1 speaker system, right? You throw that on and you got a party. His crime was one of not remembering to remove the DVD.
Casey:
And who has not been guilty of that crime at one point or another in your life?
Jeff:
That’s very true.
Casey:
If you don’t know about the Jonas Brothers showing tomorrow morning, you know you’re going to be hitting the same DVD again tomorrow night, why push the eject button? Why take that extra time to take it out, put it back in its sleeve.
Jeff:
It might get messy.
Casey:
Why go through the waste of time that it involves? I don’t want to load Cum Bums 3 more times than it has to be, if it’s just in there, its fine.
Jeff:
The problem is just really one of like, look, you have to have a system in place to handle this because it’s too easy, you schedules move around, and then you have these kinds of problems, then you’re answering a lot of hard questions. Did you have something else?
Jeff:
I did have something else I wanted to ask about that, which is, another thing I find particularly interesting about that is 45 seconds, apparently, was enough time for somebody to make the determination that it was NOT Camp Rock. Which to me suggests, that for about 44 seconds, it was not clear. It was like, this still could be Camp Rock. So the guy knocks on the door >pound pound pound Ma’am, I have your pizza.
Casey:
Yeah exactly, right. She’s short on change. People are thinking, “hmm, I wonder if the Jonas Brothers, maybe that’s their mom”.
Jeff:
And they start singing.
Casey:
She’s dressed a little bit differently than they may have seen in some of the previous Jonas Brothers films.
Jeff:
But you don’t know. It could go a lot of ways.
Casey:
She says something like, “Maybe there’s some other way I could pay for the pizza.”
Jeff:
And you think it’s a song.
Casey:
“That’s a meat lovers pizza that you’ve got there isn’t it” and he says “Yes ma’am, huge, filled with meat this pizza. It’s got so much meat in it, I don’t know if you will be able to handle it.” Right?
Jeff:
Which is almost a musical cue.
Casey:
Almost, you would think at this point, I’m thinking that could be the start of any Jonas Brothers musical video, so I don’t think anything’s odd. So I’m guessing until the part where he actually unzips his fly, they were thinking there’s nothing wrong.
Jeff:
I haven’t seen this movie.
Casey:
Here’s where I depart from that. Here is why I think that this was all a bunch of bullshit. Its because unlike a pornographic movie, which you buy and the person who made it has your needs in mind, I hate to say it, but the porn industry does live to serve your needs.
Jeff:
Probably more so than any other industry.
Casey:
You buy a Disney movie and you put thing in, if the first 45 seconds are anything other than an ad for Coca Cola, you didn’t put in a Disney movie OK. I got news for you.
Jeff:
If you put in a movie and something besides at least 25 minutes of non-skip-able commercials start.
Casey:
Commercials and previews for other Disney films
Jeff:
It’s not a Disney movie. That’s how you can tell.
Casey:
You did not put in a Disney movie. So they should have known immediately. They should not have had to wait for the money shot to figure out that this was porn. Because porn is actually less likely to fuck up your kids head in the first 45 seconds than any Disney film you could possibly buy.
Jeff:
And at least porn is not trying to sell you something else.
Casey:
Porn is just going to show you something that you will figure out how to do yourself eventually if your creepy uncle has not already done it to you. So as far as I’m concerned, you’re fine. You put in the Jonas Brothers, all of a sudden you’re a fat fuck with diabetes cause you’re drinking too much Coca Cola, you’re eating to many Skittles; and you’re buying too many god damned Jonas Brothers CDs whatever the fuck that is.
Jeff:
I think the awesome thing about that is Jonas Brothers being the virginal dudes that they are, right?
Casey:
See I don’t know, you, apparently, are up with this. What’s their deal?
Jeff:
Well that’s their thing is like “Hey, no sex before marriage” which was the same thing as you remember as Brittany Spears and Timberlake had also said.
Casey:
How long did that last? Till the backstage of the first concert right?
Jeff:
Well I think that Justin Timberlake said that was never the case.
Casey:
That was some PR thing.
Jeff:
Listen. You take the random 13 year old Disney employee, they’ve been smoking for 4 years already right? They are jaded. That the one thing you can say about Miley Cyrus. They are professionals. They’re not famous for necessarily their singing or their songwriting or anything else, they are the kids that showed up, that they were able to rely upon, that they were able to build a billion dollar industry around. For better or worse. Without cracking under the pressure, doing drugs in public, behind closed doors they don’t give two shits about, which has also been talked about. So the thing is, the fact that some people still buy into the fact that they are these virginal performers is nuts. We’ve had a million people talk about this, that write the tell all books as soon as they’re in their fifties. The Brady Bunch mom was fucking Greg, OK! This is some steady shit!
Casey:
Are you serious?
Jeff:
Yes! OK? So this is what happens!
Casey:
Hey, if you can’t keep it in your pants, keep it in the family Jeff. That’s what it’s all about.
Jeff:
That’s how Hollywood rolls. Now these kids are 14 but they’re 21 in terms of what they’ve experienced in their life. She can probably talk about popular culture way better than I can.
Casey:
Which two squares was that of the nine square thing in the Brady Bunch? Are they adjacent? Do you remember?
Jeff:
Mom and dad, and then, fuck, I don’t remember.
Casey:
That would be interesting if somebody posted a diagram of which Brady Bunch members had sex with each other, so you could see the lines on the thing.
Jeff:
Oh Alice was a slut, she fucked everybody.
Casey:
Are you serious?
Jeff:
Full on. No I have no idea.
Casey:
Its always the maid isn’t it?
Jeff:
Or the butcher.
Casey:
Who? Where’d that come from?
Jeff:
Sam the butcher! Sam the butcher was getting busy with Alice.
Casey:
What? I’ve never seen the Brady Bunch really.
Jeff:
You’ve never seen the Brady Bunch?
Casey:
I’ve seen a little bit in syndication when I was like two or something.
Jeff:
All of us did.
Casey:
Alright. Finishing out the story; “Principal Robert Marchi sent home a letter to parents the day of the incident. A very explicit pornographic video came on the screen,” Marchi wrote. “This was extremely upsetting to the students and staff members in attendance. . . . I am deeply sorry that this episode took place at PS 17. I know that we will make every effort to find out who was responsible for this despicable act.” That is the end of the story.
Jeff:
That’s the Sherlock Holmes, they’re gonna get like House, not House, Monk, some other investigators to help track down this despicable act.
Casey:
Well, that the end of the article Jeff. But the picture for the article which says “Elementary School Accidently Shows Porn” is a shot of the three Jonas Brothers. So if you didn’t read the article, you just see “Elementary School Accidently Shows Porn” and the three Jonas Brothers standing there. In your head where are you going with that.
Jeff:
That’s media right now. That’s the thing that pisses me off. Clearly they’re just looking for links, clicks, people to notice this in the magazine, or the newspaper, and they do shit like that. You hear about performers suing for “They used my trademark” or some other bullshit like Tim Langdell does, this is one where you actually go, yeah, your using us, fuck you! You deserve to get hosed for that.
Casey:
Now, in my fantasy world, since they don’t specify it, I’m capable of filling in my own porn movie, I want it to be the case that, the intentional showing of Camp Rock was replaced by the porn showing of Camp Cock or Vamp Cock or some porn movie that is at least somewhat supposed to be related to the thing or whatever. I don’t know, you’d think that there would be plenty of Mouseketeery porn out there for people who had some weird thing as a child when they watched the Mouseketeers and went fucked up a little by it or something and they’re still buying it.
Jeff:
Well Disney did sue for one of those a couple years ago.
Casey:
Oh, put the mouse ears on, oh yeah. Do it like that, higher voice, c’mon, higher voice.
Jeff:
Squeakier, Squeakier!
Casey:
Spell my name! Spell it out!
Jeff:
Oh my goodness, that is pretty awesome. 45 seconds, you’ve got to watch out for that stuff.
Casey:
Well I like the fact that they said staff members in attendance. That means there are a bunch of adults standing around for 45 seconds worth of porn going “Wait, this isn’t Camp Rock, Oh my god. What’s he doing to the, Nooooooo”
Jeff:
They probably didn’t even press stop , they yanked the cord out of the wall.
Casey:
Just body tackled the whole thing. Knocked the TV down.
Jeff:
Pulled the fire alarm “Beep, Beep, Beep” send all the kids out.
Casey:
Absolutely, you know, since I left school. Since I’ve been out of school, I have pretty much never, ever, wanted to be back in school. I’m not one of those people whose like “The good old days in High School” No. I never ever, ever, wanted to go back to school, for even five minutes. This is the one thing that made me wish I could have been a kid in that class.
Jeff:
Just to tell the story, probably to your therapist.
Casey:
The 45 second porn class, I want to be there, because that is awesome.
Jeff:
It says here that you took your elective in porn, yeah I did. I did that in 5th grade motherfucker. I’m advanced.
Casey:
That’s right. I was in the advanced class.
Jeff:
I went to college for that.
Casey:
We went straight to fetish. We skipped the soft-core shit. I placed out of soft-core. I fucking tested straight out of soft-core.
Jeff:
That’s awesome. Oh my goodness.
Casey:
In college I majored in fishnets and foot actually.
Jeff:
With a minor in feet.
Casey:
My dissertation went pretty well I think. All three of them seemed to like it. I ain’t hearing any complaints.
Jeff:
Stop it. All right everybody, we went over budget again.
Casey:
We did? How long did that take?
Jeff:
Yes, 32 minutes.
Casey:
Wow. 45 seconds of porn expands to 32 minutes on the Jeff and Casey show ladies and gentlemen.
Jeff:
That’s reverse compression.
Casey:
Reverse compression. If you would like to hear us talk about your favorite 45 seconds in porn, be sure to send us an email at podcast@thejeffandcaseyshow.com or, go to jeffandcaseyshow.com and use our little links there to follow us on Facebook or Twitter or wherever you want to get your Jeff and Casey show, we’ll be there.
Jeff:
We are there for you.
Casey:
Take it easy everyone. Have a great week.
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casey muratori
the jeff and casey show - season 2 - episode 5
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