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The Technician
No Imperfections Noted
The Jeff and Casey Show
Jeff and Casey Time
Casey Muratori
Seattle, WA
Small-market Superheroes
"Is less like a superhero team, and more like a superhero support group."
Original air date: May 31st, 2009
Topics. Shadow Hare. Cincinnati. Electrical powers. The budget. Christian Bale. Perching. Rabbits. Pets. Dislocated shoulders. Applesauce. Impregnation. Secret identities. Profit sharing. Pellets. Superdrip. Rabbit tooth growth. Lisp. Nike. Merch. Easter eggs. Allegience of Heroes. On-line forums. Super support group. Superhero arc. Control groups. Furries. Fight vs. Feed. Celebrity soup kitchen. A-list vs. D-list superheroes. Shame. Turtle vs. Snail. Master of emminent domain. Superrape. The TSA. Police. Mr. Xtreme.
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Transcript
Jeff:
Hey everybody, and welcome to the Jeff and Casey Show.
Casey:
Hello, and welcome to the Jeff and Casey Show.
Jeff:
This week we are going to discuss something that everyone’s been talking about lately.
Casey:
No they haven’t.
Jeff:
We’ve been talking about it.
Casey:
Juan sent it in. If it wasn’t for Juan, I never would have known about this. Never would have known about this.
Jeff:
Oh really? I got this forwarded from several people.
Casey:
Really?
Jeff:
Yes. For some reason, he’s captured the public humiliation of the event. Even the newscaster can’t keep a straight face talking about this.
Casey:
And nor should they. The headline is, and thank you Juan even though I guess, Jeff you got it from other places, I only got it from Juan. “Cincinnati superhero patrols streets fighting crime.” And the bi-line is: ‘Shadowhare.’
Jeff:
That’s not like, Shadowhair up your ass, it’s like.
Casey:
No, it’s not H-A-I-R. Its H-A-R-E. So now, if you can imagine, one of the most fierce and dangerous creatures on the planet.
Jeff:
The night-rabbit.
Casey:
Squid with teeth, that’s one thing. Hare, no it’s not a rabbit at all, it’s a hare.
Jeff:
That’s the same thing.
Casey:
No, it is not the same thing.
Jeff:
Is this like a porpoise / dolphin thing?
Casey:
Hares are much more terrifying and vicious Jeff. Clearly you don’t understand. A rabbit is not gonna fight crime OK. A hare on the other hand.
Jeff:
Will bite you head off.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. It’s like, normally what happens is, if you could imagine yourself, you’re a thug, you’re in an alley, you’re about to shake someone down for their wallet or whatever, you look and the noir light the shadow of two ears coming up, you think in your head, “I fucking hope that’s a rabbit. I hope that’s Shadowrabbit.” You turn around and it’s Shadowhare and you fucking wet yourself right there. You’re like, “No it’s a hare, I am fucking done.” Sean: I’d be hopping it was Darkbunny.
Casey:
Darkbunny? Who is Darkbunny? Sean is in the studio with us once again, it’s been a long time. What’s a Darkbunny is that a famous?
Jeff:
No it’s just trying to put a scary on something cute and it just doesn’t work.
Casey:
But Darkbunny, isn’t it usually, well I guess the Dark Knight, Darkbunny would be one thing.
Jeff:
You could say Darkbunny might be like his sidekick.
Casey:
Yeah that’s true. Shadowhare and Darkbunny has a great ring to it actually now that I think about it. “Oh it’s Shadowhare and Darkbunny, launch me towards them.” And he uses his superpower. Now I remember a veterinarian fact, I’m gonna get that out there in case it become relevant later in the discussion because I don’t know where we’re gonna go with this right? Part of the not preparing for the podcast means that I’ve gotta cover anything that could be useful later.
Jeff:
You’re gonna give us some history, a fact.
Casey:
It’s like the first season of a show where you’ve claimed that you know what gonna happen the whole arc but you really don’t, so you just put shit all over the place hoping that you’re gonna figure it out later.
Jeff:
In this case, we don’t know either.
Casey:
So here’s the thing about rabbits, rabbits back legs are so powerful, musculature wise, if you were to hold a rabbit and allow it to kick, but you were holding it in so it couldn’t, it would actually tear the muscles or dislocate the joints. So it’s actually really dangerous when you’re trying to do a medical procedure on someone’s pet rabbit, clearly not a superhero rabbit because that’s a different story. You could never restrain a superhero rabbit. Shadowhare would just fucking bust out of there right? Like Magneto in the cell.
Jeff:
But this is just a normal rabbit.
Casey:
A normal rabbit. I can only imagine that a super rabbit has this times 10 right? Maybe if he jumps the wrong way then his whole fucking body separate, you know what I mean?
Jeff:
I had a pet rabbit at one time.
Casey:
You did?
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Was it super?
Jeff:
No, it was not super. They’re terrible pets.
Casey:
Are they?
Jeff:
They have no affection for you.
Casey:
No?
Jeff:
No. They don’t like to be pet.
Casey:
They don’t?
Jeff:
You pick them up to hold them.
Casey:
They’re cute and fuzzy.
Jeff:
And they want to get down, and they use those super powerful legs. So you’re holding them and all of a sudden you just go “Ahhhh” because you can not hold them in. So you’re just doing this accordion thing while the rabbit, and then you just let it go. They chew everything. They ate all the legs off our furniture. They ate all the speaker cables right in half. The only thing that eventually taught it not to do that is it went and ate through a power cord. It was sitting there hopping around and was chewing, and I was like, “Don’t chew on that speaker cord. Don’t chew it, wait, that’s not a.” and you’re, like “noooooo” running towards the rabbit, and all of a sudden it goes “POP” and he turns around, and it’s a white rabbit and his lips and mouth are all black like reverse black face, and it goes “poof” and smoke comes out. Never chewed a cord again. That’s what it took. Poor little bastard.
Casey:
Dude, that’s the fucking origin story for Shadowhare right! And now it’s got electrical powers.
Jeff:
I see. Maybe this was all my fault.
Casey:
And its Shadowhare because it’s got the black lips. It’s perfect.
Jeff:
That’s maybe where he came from.
Casey:
That’s where he came from, this used to be your fucking rabbit is now patrolling the streets of Cincinnati, in fact, let me get back here so the listeners know what we’re talking about, because “Cincinnati superhero patrols streets fighting crime” sounds like something you read in a comic book, not a newspaper.
Jeff:
This is a real thing.
Casey:
Now in a comic book though, the superhero has a) super powers, and b)
Jeff:
A budget of any kind. This guy has the worst costume you’ve ever seen.
Casey:
This guy does not have a secret lair probably I’m guessing.
Jeff:
It’s probably his mother’s basement.
Casey:
I’m gonna go back to the Hare-cave.
Jeff:
And then like, he has his other super heroes there and he’s like, “Keep it down, mom will get mad.” “Would you like some cookies?” “Leave us alone mom, I told you!”
Casey:
Sorry, I’m trying to read through this. “Cincinnati police have a new ally in their fight against crime whether they want it or not.” Is the lead off of the story. So we can tell that the reporter is someone un-objective from line one. “He calls himself Shadowhare and he wears a mask and a cape to conceal his true identity. He’s Cincinnati’s own version of a superhero fighting crime and injustice where he finds it.” Now if that’s Cincinnati’s version of a superhero, because if you could see this guy, it’s a guy in a t-shirt that has like a stenciled on version of like a Donnie Darko rabbit head.
Jeff:
A really bad one.
Casey:
A really bad one. Wearing a mask, and he has a high pitched voice that kind of sounds like this, right?
Jeff:
He’s not striking the fear in any criminal with that voice.
Casey:
He is not doing the Christian Bale.
Jeff:
He took it too far, but this guy’s not taking it anywhere.
Casey:
He’s not taking it anywhere. He’s just talking in his normal tone of voice. Now apparently, this guy actually does go around the city like, perching on slightly elevated things. Cause he’s not really much of a.
Jeff:
He doesn’t have super powers.
Casey:
He can’t fly, doesn’t look like he can really climb much, he was kind of walking across the street briskly in the shot that I saw, and he just kind of has a cape that kind of flails behind him.
Jeff:
I liked the pictures where he’s like lurking on things Batman style, and then they pan out and he’s like standing on a little piece of modern art.
Casey:
Now what it said was, the only crime fighting incident that was describe.
Jeff:
It did not go well for Shadowhare.
Casey:
He dislocated his shoulder trying to protect a woman who was being attacked by a homeless man. That was the crime fighting scene.
Jeff:
So you have this crazy man going like, “Applesauce!” trying to steal the purse. And then Shadowhare springs into action with no .
Casey:
Springs into action being the operative word here. Leaps into action. Bounds into action if you will.
Jeff:
Well that’s one kind of thing is, usually you have some superpower that is related like, I don’t know, Superbird, you can fly or something. The only thing a rabbit can do is fuck you right? He can reproduce.
Casey:
He can make babies really fast.
Jeff:
“Step away from her or I will have to impregnate you” right? And you know, that would work on me. To be perfectly honest I’d rather not be impregnated by the rabbit.
Casey:
Yeah but it’s not a rabbit. If it was a rabbit, I might take my chances, it’s like, I don’t think you could do it, I don’t think you’ve got it. This dude is wearing a fucking, fucked up mask, he’s like, doesn’t fit into his outfit right? Obviously a little bit fucked in the head, I’d believe he might try. If he said “I’m gonna try to impregnate you” I’d be like “Alright, I’m out of here. It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. You know what? We’ll have another superhero battle another day.”
Jeff:
But unfortunately, he picked an arch-villain of a homeless person who sees crazy super rabbits in his mind all the time already. He’s like, “Oh hey it’s you rabbit!” right? And he dislocates, on his fist mission.
Casey:
I don’t know if it was his first, it was just the only one they describe.
Jeff:
Also, dislocating a shoulder is such a non-superhero thing. It’s like “Oh, I got stabbed and I broke a rib.” No, “I dislocated my shoulder. Yeah, I have to keep it pinned to my side for two weeks. I’ll have to come up with some excuse in my millionaire identity where like, I was playing tennis and dislocated my shoulder.”
Casey:
That’s harder than you think because this dude, no one in his actual circle of friends in his regular, secret identity, or whatever you want to call it, is going to believe that he was out playing tennis. I mean that just is not the case. “I was reaching too far to grab my heroclix figurine it was on a hill and I pulled my arm out a little bit” Maybe, that would work.
Jeff:
I was trying to have some milk with my donuts and I reached too far across the table. No it was not good. The only thing that was actually you know, somewhat realistic is like, it’s fucking Cincinnati right? This is the type of superhero they’d have in the comic. Batman’s holding down Gotham.
Casey:
There’s not a whole lot left over for Cincinnati. They can’t attract the big name superheroes, the franchise in this area right? I know they try to get together, like the various superhero leagues of each city get together and they’re like, “Dude, we’ve got to get some profit sharing or something, because we ain’t got shit here. You guys over in the north east got Superman, you’ve got Batman, you’ve got everything over there. We’ve got a fucking rabbit in a suit.
Jeff:
And the Haremobile is in dire need of service. Half the time, I need to get a jump.
Casey:
I’m out of pellets. I’ve been out of pellets for a week, its fucking terrible here. I been having to live of the little water drip thing.
Jeff:
The superdrip.
Casey:
It’s no good at all. I swear to god dude if the padding runs out one more time, I will shit all over the meeting room, or the mission, whatever the fuck you call it, the situation room.
Jeff:
The league of justice, if we don’t straighten this out, I’m gonna start coming here to lay my pellets and not at home. Clean that up Batman.
Casey:
Now here’s another thing, I’m just throwing out the vet facts here, rabbits teeth grow forever. They have to eat continuously in order to keep their teeth from just continually growing, right? So I’m imagining that this is gonna be like, in the confrontation with the super-villain, the big thing is, can the super-villain keep him away from like a fucking carrot or something long enough for his teeth to get out of control and he’ll lose the fight. It’s like kryptonite right?
Jeff:
Well the super hero might be counting on that like, he’d leave laced carrots around, I mean the super-villain.
Casey:
Oh, he’s going to have to bite into something.
Jeff:
He’s gonna have to bite into something; I’m going to electrify that, or whatever, not knowing that that will strengthen the power.
Casey:
That’s only gonna make it worse because he’s Shadowhare, the rabbit who bit the electrical cord.
Jeff:
Well that also means in a couple years like, the teeth will be too big and it will be like, “leaf dat lady alone pleethe” His voice can’t get any less, but can get lispy.
Casey:
I liked your idea that there’s a Hairmobile. I had not considered that, but I hadn’t considered all of the different things.
Jeff:
That he’d have to have.
Casey:
Exactly. I mean I’m assuming that, Batman is really good on the merchandising front right? If you think about Superman vs. Batman, Superman doesn’t have a lot of shit with his logo on it right? He kind of just flies around and it’s just him right? But Batman, he’s like the McDonalds of superheroes. Like everything is gonna have a bat on it because that’s how he rolls. It’s like Nike, I guess is the better example. It’s like, were not gonna have any super-implements that are easily identifiable as mine right? Because we’ve got to build the Batman brand right? Which makes since in their fiction right? Because that’s what he’s about.
Jeff:
He’s gotta inspire fear and merch.
Casey:
Fear and purchasing, fear and marketing. So I’m wondering if Shadowhare perhaps would have a number of these kinds of things as well right? He has the Haremobile, I’m wondering if he has the Hare-a-rang right? Like something that he can shoot, because he has a lot of that jumping power right? You think he would have something you know, I’m not sure. Jeff; I don’t know, maybe he throws out like, eggs, like Easter bunny eggs?
Casey:
You don’t know what’s gonna be inside them. It’s like “Surprise motherfucker.” It’s a bomb or whatever. He’s got the cool little things like the Riddler.
Jeff:
He just throws those and it opens up and there’s like a little boxing glove that comes out and punches the criminal. The other thing that the article talked about was his band of companions.
Casey:
It says: “Shadowhare is not alone in his quest to fight crime.”
Jeff:
I think he’s alone a lot of the time.
Casey:
Well, “He heads up a group of men and one women, called ‘The Allegiance of Hero’s.’ The members communicate with each other in online forums. Among the members are ‘Aclyptico’ in Pensilvainia, ‘Wallcreeper’ in Colorado, and ‘Masterlegend’ in Florida.” It does not say which one of those is the female.
Jeff:
I didn’t get the sense that they’re not teaming up. They’re like, probably offering each other tips online.
Casey:
So it’s less like a superhero team, and more a superhero support group. It’s like, “Let’s talk about the problems we were having recently, like, we had a shoulder dislocation, let’s talk about that. Pro tips, how do we avoid that?”
Jeff:
And then one of them is like, “Here’s a problem, I don’t know if it happens to you, it happens to me a lot. What do you do when say, everyone laughs at you? What is your response to that? Do you get too angry? Do you run away? How do you deal with that problem?” And they’re like, “I tend to ignore it, I throw my death egg at them, isn’t that dangerous? No, just magician smoke inside.”
Casey:
Well I think historically speaking; it’s always true that the public at some point turns against the superhero. Now traditionally, this is because of his awesome powers which they find threatening. Just because this is because they are really lame and everyone’s laughing at them, it’s still the same kind of arc if you will. The un-appreciation is the same.
Jeff:
Usually you have the superhero come and save the day. Eventually the public turns on them, and then they have to turn back. So what’s happening here is, the public turned out turned away from them.
Casey:
They started out that way like, oh my god this is way fucked up.
Jeff:
He’s in a suit, don’t make eye contact, he’s insane. Maybe through some accidental crime solving, because I don’t think they’re gonna intentionally solve anything, they’re gonna stumble upon something that they fix. They’ll turn towards them, and end the end, they’ll turn away again.
Casey:
It’s the exact inverse. Now on the other hand we have sort of answered an age old question right? Which is, is the outfit what makes the superhero, or is it the fact that they actually do shit. And the answer is, it’s the fact that they actually do shit. Because now we’ve got a good control group of people dressed up in fucked up outfits, not doing anything and everyone’s laughing. Just like you would have thought right? So which suggests to me that if Superman came down dressed like he was, and never actually did anything, just kind of hung out, everyone would just laugh hysterically at him.
Jeff:
That’s possible. You could also say Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman especially in their outfits are appealing to look at as human specimens even.
Casey:
They’re more cut. They look more like an athlete, like a biker with spandex on.
Jeff:
Shadowhare did not come from that same mold.
Casey:
He did not come from that same mold.
Jeff:
And that’s because a rabbit is covered with fur. They are muscly, but it’s obscured.
Casey:
All that thing that’s just hanging over the waistline, that’s fur right? That’s all fur.
Jeff:
It probably is. Fairly furry underneath that shirt I’m guessing, but you don’t want to pet that.
Casey:
No you don’t want to pet that. Well you said that rabbits don’t really like a lot of affection anyways, so it’s probably OK.
Jeff:
He’s not going to get any.
Casey:
Now I wanted to sort of close this out by just pointing out the fact that he says that he’s not deterred by the criticism coming from people who don’t take him seriously. For example it says, “Shadowhare said he and his team are not deterred by the criticism, he remains focused on trying to make Cincinnati a better place whether it’s fighting crime, or feeding the homeless.”
Jeff:
Oh I see. So he sometimes fights the homeless, and he sometimes feeds them.
Casey:
Exactly. So this is kind of interesting right? And this just underscores the modern difficulties of being a superhero. You see a homeless person, you don’t know whether you are going to have to fight that person, or give them soup right? And that’s one of the things they probably talk about in these support group meetings right? It’s kind of like when you go into army training or police training and you go to the firing range where they pop out those little things and you have to immediately think like, is that a threat or is that a thing right? So there’s homeless people.
Jeff:
You have a ladle in one hand.
Casey:
Or the Hare-a-rang which you’re gonna throw at the guy, try to land one in the neck or whatever right? And it’s like, you give soup “WRAAAA sorry, that turned out it was a bad homeless guy. Your shoulder just got dislocated.” And he’s like, “Fuck.” And another one you’re like, “Wang, ah you just killed someone that hadn’t eaten in three days. Way to go. Nice job dude. The nuns hate you.”
Jeff:
And then they slowly get better.
Casey:
They slowly get better and eventually they’re feeding the right people.“
Jeff:
You figure the sad thing about the homeless is that a lot of them are mentally deranged right?
Casey:
Right, much like the superhero.
Jeff:
So you’re a homeless guy, you’re off your meds, your life is in tatters, you have a drinking problem, you go in and you just want some soup, you go up to get some soup and this fucking walking nightmare of a guy in a bunny outfit that’s 12 feet tall, it’s getting mixed up with images from movies. You are gonna freak the fuck out. You’re not gonna go back to there. He’s not serving soup for very long. He’s gonna freak the fuck out of everybody, and they won’t invite him back.
Casey:
OK, maybe you’re just down on your luck or whatever the fuck right? You go to a soup kitchen, I have to feel like there’s some indignity of having the dude on the other end of the thing handing you the soup being a guy dressed in a rabbit costume right? That’s not helping, you know what I mean?
Jeff:
Maybe, but at the same time, whenever they do the celebrities doing the soup kitchen stuff for thanksgiving, it’s the same thing right? You have these D list celebrities who are there and like, you’re getting soup and they’re just like “Ching, ching, ching” and the paparazzi’s taking all these pictures to capture them doing, you’re never in the picture, they crop you off because that would be depressing. They just show them giving you food and you’re like “What the fuck?”
Casey:
Like in movie credits, you’re soup recipient number 3. Like there’s no name for you, there’s no nothing, it’s just a guy who gets the soup.
Jeff:
So that’s going to be depressing whether you’re in a bunny suit or not. You get D listed, and he’s defiantly on the D list of superheroes old Shadowhare.
Casey:
I think that’s probably true, but to be fair, in reality, there are only D list superheroes I think. Until we get someone who actually has superpowers, there’s not going to be an A list superhero. I should hope that the criteria for A list superhero is that you have at least one unusual power. Something. Even if it’s not a superpower.
Jeff:
Like strength, flight, or wealth even.
Casey:
Something. Self-awareness for example.
Jeff:
Shame
Casey:
Shame. These are the sorts of things that we’d hope that you had.
Jeff:
But the thing is, if he did have those powers, Superhare might turn on us. His powers might go to his head, and he might flip it on us, and then we’d have a super villain. Stealing all the money at Easter. He’d flip it all around.
Casey:
One of the things that’s typically the case is that when Shadowhare fights Shadowtortoise right? You’ll notice that Shadowhare always when he wins, puts Shadowtortoise back in his terrarium. He doesn’t kill him. He doesn’t de-shell him or anything cruel like that, he puts him back in the terrarium. And that’s because, obviously Shadowhare is virtuous, but it’s also because it keeps the balance. As long as there is a Shadowtortoise, Shadowhare will be on our side. He will be a force for good.
Jeff:
So when they put him back in his big glass terrarium with the heat lamp.
Casey:
The heat lamp and the little fake tree/mossy thing. The other that I’m wondering.
Jeff:
I also had a turtle when I was a little kid by the way.
Casey:
Was it a super turtle?
Jeff:
It was not a super turtle. Mine had mental problems and would walk until it hit a wall, and then dig down. He thought the world was still a terrarium, and then one day he was just gone, and I figure he’s just digging his way to China. That might have been Brendens turtle not mine. We each had one.
Casey:
Each had a turtle?
Jeff:
Um-hm.
Casey:
And both turtles disappeared?
Jeff:
You know, turtles would also eat snails, which by the way is like the worst nature video of something eating something else, because the turtle’s really slow, the snail’s like going “oooohhhhhhhh fuuuuccck” trying to get away and the turtle just goes “Goomp.”
Casey:
In their world, it’s fast. It’s like Benny Hill “De de dedele da.”
Jeff:
No, that’s how turtles see us. To them, us being normal speed, were just zooming around like. But to him, this is life and death.
Casey:
Snail vs. turtle is not. Even if both are super, I think it’s still pretty bad. What is this guy’s name? Oh he’s “The Snail” and this guy’s “The tortoise.” Not so useful, perhaps.
Jeff:
So give us the names of those people one more time. The other superheroes.
Casey:
Oh, we never really figured out what they did. Aclyptico.
Jeff:
He hates Jewish people.
Casey:
Oh that’s Mel Gibson.
Jeff:
Mel Gibson stopped taking the Paxil, and here comes Apocolypto “Blah blah blah blah”
Casey:
His catch phrase is “Sweet tits” or something. He’s like, “Sugar tits!” and he like, flies away. Well drives away, a little bit crookedly I guess is perhaps the thing. Wallcreaper, now what he does, this is pretty clever, is he like, progressively every time the “fence” needs to be redone, he builds it a little bit closer to the neighbor’s property line. He’s pretty good at that. So eventually he takes over an entire neighborhood. It’s pretty slick, but that’s all he can do.
Jeff:
He’s the master of eminent domain.
Casey:
Master of eminent domain: Wallcreaper. He’s in Colorado.
Jeff:
Lot of wide open spaces out there.
Casey:
And this one’s a little tough, I’m not sure what this is.
Jeff:
You know wait, he must be really like, aerobically sound because not only is he in the mile high city, he’s also up on a wall.
Casey:
That’s right. He’s a mile and four feet up.
Jeff:
So he’s in really good shape.
Casey:
Right, that’s right. Everyone knows it’s a lot harder to use your superhero powers to fly around where the air is thinner. It’s a lot more work. You’ve got to train for that shit. Again, probably, there is a forum on their online forum which discusses thin air flying tips. Try to keep your dislocated shoulder from building up to much.
Jeff:
Resistance. Sean: There’s a wiki.
Jeff:
There’s a wiki.
Casey:
So the final one, the one from Florida, sorry I missed something in the article, I’m gonna jump right to this, I didn’t even read this the first time through somehow. This is a quote from Shadowhare himself “I’ve even teamed up with Mr. Extreme in California San Diego and we were trying to track down a rapist.” That’s it. They teamed up to TRY to track down the rapist. No further information. Because apparently it didn’t end up working out so well.
Jeff:
No it didn’t. See here’s the thing. Mr. Extreme, he’s got a rape on his hand. He’s like, “Oh man, we’ve got a rape? We’ve got an unsolved rape, alright, this is extreme, I’m on it.” He pounds a whole bunch of Mountain Dew.
Casey:
He picks up the Extreme-o-phone.
Jeff:
“What do I do? I need to go to somebody who is an expert in raping. Clearly Shadowhare can fuck the shit out of anything at super speed, lets fly him in.” He brings Superhare in.
Casey:
It’s not Superhare, it’s Shadowhare. Superhare is in Minneapolis. This is Cincinnati.
Jeff:
“I used my miles, so he’s flying coach.” So the dudes in coach with the cape and he has to take all the shit off at security, gets on the plane, flies all the way down to San Diego.
Casey:
“Motherfucker said my Hare-o-rang had to be checked.”
Jeff:
“I couldn’t bring my little water bottle. I had to throw that away before I got on the plane, the liquids weren’t allowed.” So Mr. Extreme’s like, “Look, we have to build a profile.” And at this point, Superhares just going to get in the way of the investigation.
Casey:
It’s Shadowhare.
Jeff:
What did I call him?
Casey:
Superhare. Superhare is like, a hair salon.
Jeff:
With blow dryers on each hip.
Casey:
Don’t Mess With the Zohan.
Jeff:
Right, so they’re trying to come up with a profile right? They work on it all weekend right?
Casey:
The do a lot of internet research on this subject.
Jeff:
And Mr. Extreme has to be to work on Monday. So they have to do this on the weekend.
Casey:
He’s only extreme form 5:00 PM Friday, to 7:00 PM Sunday.
Jeff:
He has to get back to Bob Johnson CPA on Monday where he’s a temp. They go down to the police station, and they give their profile, and they’re like “Alright, Shadowhare, Mr. Xtreme? What you believe is that there is a super powered evil rabbit raping women in San Diego. That’s your profile.” And they’re like, thumbs up, and they are like, “Get the fuck out of my office.” And that’s why they only tried to help is because their profile was demented.
Casey:
But the police are never any help. This is the whole thing is like, the police just fuck it up. They walk out of the police department, they’re like, “Dude, I know this anywhere. That was the work of The Diddler.” You know.
Jeff:
It’s Darkrabbit.
Casey:
You think it’s Darkrabbit?
Jeff:
I think it’s Darkrabbit and they’re going, “He’s gonna strike again.”
Casey:
Darkbunny.
Jeff:
Sorry, Darkbunny. “He’s gonna strike again, we need to stay here.” And they have not catched the guy yet. And it’s because of that. The police didn’t take them seriously, and eventually he’ll strike again, and they will have to team up once again and solve the problem. It is kind of interesting that though, when you are being interviewed as a superhero, your first incident is a shoulder dislocation and the second one is a failure to capture a rapist. It’s not going well in his short career so far. His press is doing fine.
Casey:
They need. They definitely, maybe his superpower is overstatement.
Jeff:
And exaggeration.
Casey:
The Exaggerator. Jeff; It could also be like, maybe he just like.
Casey:
Do superheroes come up for review? “So it says here, I’m not seeing a lot of arrest actually here Shadowhare. I see one attempted rape tracking. I’m not sure what that is exactly, did that go well?” “We’re still working on that.” “I see that there’s an L&I for a dislocated shoulder, not sure kind of supposed to be super.”
Jeff:
“Got an expense report for a trip to San Diego. A new battery for the Haremobile. And 400 pounds of, what’s this? Carrots. Alright”
Casey:
“Alright, that makes sense I guess.”
Jeff:
“You know what? You’re fired.”
Casey:
Exactly. “You’re out of the league. If we even have a league anymore, which I’m not sure that we do.” You know, I think we’ve talked like, a fucking hour on this single article. What time is it?
Jeff:
We’re at 35 minute. We’re right on schedule. We’ll wrap up with that.
Casey:
We’ve beat this horse. We’ve beat this hare.
Jeff:
We’ve beat this hare to death.
Casey:
Hare today, gone tomorrow. That’s what I say.
Jeff:
I’m gonna go drink some Mr. Extreme Mountain Dew, and get caffeinated up.
Casey:
What is Mr. Extreme’s super power?
Jeff:
Just being extreme right? He has like, a skateboard, and like, a motor bike that he can only do flips on things, it can’t drive straight at all. He just like, “Here comes Mr. Extreme.” He’s like, flipping over shit and like, giving high fives to babies on the upside down loop right?
Casey:
Slams into a parking spot and gets out and goes, “Alright, so what do we got here? What’s the situation?”
Jeff:
And then does crazy back flips.
Casey:
And then the dudes like, “Well, we’ve got a homeless guy who’s gonna attack a woman.” “NOOOOOOOOOOOO”
Jeff:
Secure the scene. There’s big yellow tape around just the homeless guy who doesn’t know what the fuck is going on.
Casey:
I wanna see the poor homeless dude who has to contend with these four guys, plus Mr. Extreme when they’re on location in San Diego.
Jeff:
I don’t want to mess with Mr. Extreme. He’s gonna be so hoped up on Mountain Dew, that fuckers gonna be freaking out.
Casey:
A PCP kind of situation.
Jeff:
And then like 3 hours from now he’ll sleep for 18 hours because it’s just like, total sugar crash. “Mr. Extreme’s gone. We can’t use him for 32 hours.” Alright, so that’s it for this week. We blew past our schedule on the second one, but yes, I think it’s good. Send us, as usual, email at podcast@jeffandcaseyshow.com . Because I don’t have links, we have nothing to talk about.
Casey:
We’ve got nothing. Jeff doesn’t read the RSS feeds anymore. It’s up to you.
Jeff:
It’s up to our listeners to tell us what to talk about.
Casey:
We are puppets.
Jeff:
Exactly.
Casey:
You don’t like superheroes? Send us the link. We’ll take care of it.
Jeff:
Alright everybody. And that’s it for this week, and we will see you next time.
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casey muratori
the jeff and casey show - season 2 - episode 2
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