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The Technician
No Imperfections Noted
The Jeff and Casey Show
Jeff and Casey Time
Casey Muratori
Seattle, WA
A Venn Diagram of Two Things That Suck
"Do you think that was part of Christopher Nolan's original vision for the Dark Knight? That periodically the lady from Best Buy would pop up?"
Original air date: January 6th, 2009
Topics. Talking dolphins. Netflix Streaming. No Country for Old Men. Battlestar Galactica. Firefly. Star Trek. Venn diagram of suck. Science fiction. SeaQuest DSV. Google Translate for dolphins. Family Ties. Michael J. Fox. Daily paper. You can do it. Forgotten wallet. CostCo. Best Buy. Flatscreen TVs. Presents for Jeff’s Mom. Projection presents. XBox 360. LG. Kung Fu Panda. LEGO Indiana Jones. Little Big Planet. Rock Band. The Dark Knight. Webcam. DO NOT PLUG IN THE DEVICE. USB. The Journeyman Project. The Journeyman Project: Turbo. DirectShow. Windows installers. Zune. Zune New Years bug. Microsoft Vacation for Windows. Jeff’s crazy grandma. Premade grandkids. Returned Christmas cards. Jeff’s mailroom tips. Dina Martina. Playstation Home. jeffatrad. Avatar replacement. Second Life.
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Transcript
Jeff:
Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Jeff & Casey Show.
Casey:
Hello, and welcome to what is sure to be a fabulous episode of the Jeff & Casey…
Jeff:
Just a minute ago, you were saying this is gonna be a best one ever…
Casey:
Well, I don’t know that this is gonna be a best one ever because that’s a subjective choice that each listener has to make. I’m saying it’s going to be one of those classic episodes.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
I don’t know why yet, actually. I just have a good feeling that it’s gonna be one of those ones. Now, another reason it’s not gonna be one of the best episode is because I actually found thing that… I found it out just recently, something that the show desperately needs and does not have.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
And that is a dolphin, specifically a talking dolphin.
Jeff:
What the hell are you…
Casey:
I’ll explain. It takes a little while for me to explain this but I’m absolutely certain that there needs to be a talking dolphin.
Jeff:
Oh, fuck. I know what you’re talking about. Okay.
Casey:
And here’s why. Okay, Netflix streaming, obviously a good thing. And it was on the 360 downstairs. So I was like, I really got into it and I wanted my own queue and stuff and it’s dirt cheap. It’s $9 a month or whatever, right? So signed up for one so I can have my own queue and it’ll be on my Xbox upstairs…
Jeff:
Okay. You put it on the flat screen upstairs?
Casey:
No, just on the Xbox 360 that I have. I was gonna watch it.
Jeff:
Right. But that TV in there, you plugged in that TV, the old Sharp?
Casey:
You’re totally ruining my story.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
No one cares about this. No one cares about this story about the TV.
Jeff:
I’m curious.
Casey:
Who cares what I was watching on?
Jeff:
Fuck! Go ahead. This is already the worst podcast ever.
Casey:
Alright. Point being… So I’m gonna go watch this… I figured, “Well, I could set it up on the 360.” But I ended up not having to because you can stream it on the computer. So I just have my computer. I’m sitting there. I’m like, “Okay, I’ll just watch it on the computer for now. I don’t feel like setting up the 360 thing.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
And I’m adding things and I’m adding good things, right, like “No Country for Old Men” and a stuff like this.
Jeff:
Yep, one of the few new movies that are on there.
Casey:
Yes, exactly, which is weird because then, awesome movie and one of the highest rated movies and it’s on there.
Jeff:
Right. You go to highest rated and they’re, like, all the red ad with no blue play…
Casey:
Yes, exactly.
Jeff:
Except “No Country for Old Men”.
Casey:
Well, it’s not their fault, right? I mean, I’m sure they’d love to stream you those movies.
Jeff:
Right. I just don’t understand how they got the maneuver on that movie.
Casey:
That is a very good point and I have no idea. I don’t have an answer to that. So they happen to have, for some reason, the original first season of “Star Trek” on there.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
And that was awesome because I’d never seen any of those. So I watched some of those. And I was like, “I’m gonna see about sci-fi series,” because I don’t tend to like sci-fi. It’s not my wheel house. I can’t handle it a whole much. I’m like, “I’m gonna see what’s available.”
Jeff:
So, just to review, you’ve seen “Star Trek” and you’ve seen “Firefly”…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
And then, you went out looking for more.
Casey:
Well, I’ve seen “Battlestar Galactica”…
Jeff:
Oh…
Casey:
I couldn’t make it through that. I made maybe 2-3 episodes
Jeff:
We tried to watch that together because John Blow said it was awesome.
Casey:
I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t take “Battlestar Galactica”.
Jeff:
And John Blow was wrong.
Casey:
“Firefly”, I don’t like much of the sci-fi-ness but I liked the dialogue in a lot of the episodes and some of the characters were interesting. So, I actually enjoyed that series. And “Star Trek”, the original series, I liked quite a bit despite how kind of old and crazy they are. It was kind of charming. And I love [ “Wrath of Khan” ], the movie, right. So I’ve got some things that I like, sci-fi wise. Now, the prob is we’re kind of looking at a Venn diagram of 2 things that suck and I’m getting the middle which is kind of double suck-age kind of, right?
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Things that they were able to negotiate the rights to on Netflix and science fiction, right? So it’s like, you’re liable to loose just picking randomly from either circle. Now, you’re picking from where they overlap, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So that’s risky…
Jeff:
Which I was really surprised you went there.
Casey:
Right? So, okay…
Jeff:
This is how you got to…
Casey:
Right. Some adding some things… ‘Cos I wanted to get more educated about science fiction. And so, I click on (not knowing anything in particular about it) something called “Seaquest DSV”.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Okay. I’ve never heard of the show or seen the show. I have no idea what it is. So I’m just adding it, right. There’s “Doctor Who” and shit on there. I don’t know. I’m adding stuff. So I go to watch an episode of this show. It’s EP-ed by Steven Spielberg. It looks very high budget for a TV show at that era.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
It stars Roy Scheider.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
They were putting effort into this show, okay. This was not some knock-off sci-fi channel, low budget, whatever high school fiction writer show. They were serious about this show except it totally was, like, oh, my Lord… So the talking dolphin, right?
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
The interesting thing about this show is it’s ostensibly about a deep sea, submersible battle station, basically, like this big craft that travels around underwater, okay, for no apparent… So far, there hasn’t actually been a reason for it to be underwater yet it is underwater, okay?
Jeff:
It’s clearly science.
Casey:
It’s clearly science. I watched 2 episodes of this series.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
And I might actually watch more now because they were so bad that second one kind of went over the edge… Just watching the pilot, I was like, “I’ll watch one more but then I’m just shutting this off.” But the second one was so bad, it made me want to watch more to see if it keeps going. Anyway, the pilot, okay, the climax of this show is having a dolphin swim out of this gigantic mile-long submarine sea cruiser battle station thing. A dolphin..
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Carrying a homing beacon…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Which he then sticks to an enemy submarine so that they can fire a torpedo at it.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Okay. So the whole story revolves around the dolphin, saving the day, swimming out there. Now, the dolphin can talk, mind you. So it doesn’t have to click and shit. It talks.
Jeff:
Is it like the voice from Knight Rider?
Casey:
Yes, kind of. It has a computer translator thing…
Jeff:
Awesome.
Casey:
So it does click, click, click, click, whatever and then translates… So I’m like, “That’s ridiculous.” Now, okay, the things on this show that are amazing where you’re just like, “I don’t know if this was for the writer’s convenience or if it was some sci-fi dude getting off on it or we.” This underwater, huge, submersible vehicle was set up to have a dolphin co-star. They made dolphin swimming tubes that run through the entire ship with tank places that the dolphin can come up and talk at various strategic locations.
Jeff:
Dude, of course you’d have to have that.
Casey:
Of course you’d have to have that.
Jeff:
It’s the ADA…
Casey:
Of course you would.
Jeff:
It’s ADA…
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, certainly…
Jeff:
As soon as they built that ship in the United States…
Casey:
[inaudible 7:04]
Jeff:
And dolphins can talk…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
You had to have, you know, [inaudible 7:10] in all rooms. Special bathrooms…
Casey:
Yeah, of all the weird science fiction dude shit that goes on, right, like sharks with laser beams on them or whatever, they didn’t even do that. It’s just a dolphin that swims around the ship and it talks, okay.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
And then it had to carry the stupid [inaudible 7:25] So I’m like, “This is ridiculous. I can’t believe this show. It’s so terrible.”
Jeff:
Let me translate. Click, click, click — Fish. Click, click, click — More fish.
Casey:
Yeah, pretty much.
Jeff:
Click, click, click, click, click — Fish.
Casey:
Right. So that was bad enough. If you watched the pilot to this show, you’ll be pretty convinced that you’re never gonna watch this show again, okay. If you watch the second episode, you will fall in love because in the second episode, some really amazing shit happens. First of all, they are in the process… The episode opens with a riveting scene…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Okay, of them depositing this big structural research facility thing that they are towing…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Down on to the ocean floor like on some black vent shit or something, right…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So, you know those… Where the shit spews up from the interior of the earth into the ocean, okay…
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
They’re dropping a research platform on to that. The dolphin is out swimming around. He’s swimming around outside the sub down here in, like… I don’t even want to know what the temperature is down there, okay.
Jeff:
I assume he has those, like, airplane flashers…
Casey:
Yeah. Right, exactly. Release the dolphin. Just let him swim around down there. It’s fine.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
It’s close enough to his natural habitat.
Jeff:
Of course, it is.
Casey:
My understanding is it was toxic to all living things to even set foot outside there unless you’re one of those little bacteria scrubbers or tube effects or some shit but I guess not.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So, whatever. The dolphin’s swimming out there. I don’t know. I’m not a [inaudible 8:54] I’m not gonna start pointing fingers at this point. The dolphin’s swimming around. Fine. Okay.
Jeff:
I’m also gonna say one other thing is that dolphins breathe air. And if you’re near the ocean floor, that dolphin will be so crushed by the water. It would be like tuna.
Casey:
You would think.
Jeff:
You’d be having…
Casey:
Okay. They tried to explain it away by having one of the crew members say, “It’s pretty close to their maximum depth.” I’m like, I’m pretty sure it’s past their maximum depth, actually, but I don’t know. Again, not a marine biologist so I don’t know.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
And point being, the dolphin is swimming around. The dolphin inhales or comes in contact with some of this vent stuff, okay, and it catches a deadly bacteria, that is the first 10 minutes of the episode.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
These are hour-long shows.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Just like “Star Trek”.
Jeff:
This is Fish Zero.
Casey:
They determine that the dolphin is sick right away. How did they determine this?
Jeff:
Diarrhea.
Casey:
They do not explain in any more detail than one of the crew members saying that the dolphin “spoke to me in my mind”.
Jeff:
Wow.
Casey:
Out of nowhere. The dolphin has never shown any telepathic or ESP capabilities in the pilot or anywhere else in the show. All of a sudden, in the first 5 minutes of the 2nd episode, he is mentally sending messages into some dude, the pilot, I guess. I don’t even know who this dude was because he hadn’t been in the show up to then.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Okay. So psychically-linked dolphin boy gets the message that the dolphin is not feeling well.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
You know why he’s psychically-linked.
Casey:
I have no idea why.
Jeff:
He’s totally sleeping with that dolphin.
Casey:
Okay, maybe. Maybe he’s got a thing for aquatics, right. Okay. Whatever. So I’m really confused at this point. That’s fine. Apparently, they have an ESP link with the dolphin. That’s great. Now what happens at this point is way fucking better. They hook up their little talking dolphin thing, right…
Jeff:
The clicker?
Casey:
Yes. And the dolphin basically says a riddle. Okay.
Jeff:
Oh, awesome.
Casey:
The riddle is so embarrassing that I am having trouble getting myself to say it on the podcast but I’m going to say it. So I’m going to push myself to say it so that people know what I’m talking about. It is, “Light is dark and one.” That is what the dolphin.
Jeff:
“Light is dark…”
Casey:
“Light is dark and one.”
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Okay. Now, they chalk this up to be being the fact that the computer translator is still in Beta, which they say, by the way. They use the term Beta.
Jeff:
Okay. So it’s made by Google?
Casey:
So it’s not totally certain…
Jeff:
It’s Google Translate.
Casey:
It’s Google Translate for dolphin.
Jeff:
Click, click, click, click, click…
Casey:
Dolphin English.
Jeff:
Right, exactly.
Casey:
Exactly.
Jeff:
Pull it down. It’s still in Beta.
Casey:
Well, it’s good to see that in the year 2050, Google is still shipping the same translation quality service.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Anyway, I wonder what happens if you translate it to dolphin English and back to dolphin, if they’re just like, “Oh, that’s hysterical. Listen to the click pattern you just sent out. That’s great.” Okay. So far, I’m saying things that make it sound like there’s no way this show aired on prime time, right. It did.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
There’s no way that Spielberg [inaudible 11:59]. He did. There’s no way this had big name actors. It did. So I don’t know what’s going on at this point but it’s about to get way more ridiculous. They’re in the middle of this mission. They’re trying to place this platform and they’ve got way more work to do to secure it down and everything…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
The dude is like… The captain of the ship is like, “Nope, we’ve got to go back to this friend I have who’s a veterinarian to treat the dolphin.” So they’re like, the captain of the ship is aborting the mission…
Jeff:
Yep, for a fish.
Casey:
With this multibillion Dollar research platform to go to the vet for the dolphin.
Jeff:
Yep. I bet he has insurance on that dolphin.
Casey:
There you go.
Jeff:
That’s all I’m saying.
Casey:
Alright. Fine. Whatever. Next scene, we are on a tropical island where the vet lives, okay…
Jeff:
This is awesome.
Casey:
There’s no shot of the thing parked offshore. I don’t know where this deep DSV shit is. There’s just, like… We’re on a tropical island because some writer wrote down, “Exterior: Tropical Island”.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
And the director just looked at that and went, “Okay.”
Jeff:
There’s a wooden dock doing out and then this ginormous thing…
Casey:
Yes. In my mind, yes, because they didn’t bother to show me what had happened. Did they take a helicopter here? Do they have a little boat that shoots out? I don’t know.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Any of those things could’ve happened. They don’t care. I don’t care at this point because I’m laughing my ass off.
Jeff:
The drive-thru vet on the tropical island.
Casey:
Yeah. They’re at this… No, this is a friend of his, this vet.
Jeff:
Oh, I see.
Casey:
And this vet’s a relaxed, easy-going dude who’s in touch with the animals. You know what I’m saying?
Jeff:
I see. Okay.
Casey:
Alright. He takes a look at the vet. His prognosis, “Dude, the dolphin’s probably not gonna make it.” That’s all he said. He has no idea. They turned this oceanographic vessel around, left the diving platform somewhere in the mid-Atlantic just drifting out there… I don’t even know where it was. They didn’t say.
Jeff:
“Dude, all I can do is fix a cat. You’re asking me to look at a dolphin.”
Casey:
Yeah. He’s like, “We know so little about how they heal themselves.” This is what he said.
Jeff:
Oh, telepathically…
Casey:
Yeah, telepathically. Okay. Well, yeah, interesting you should mention that because here comes the great thing, right…
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Fortunately, though, the trip was not in vain. The trip was not in vain. It turns out that the vet, while he could not do anything veterinary for the dolphin, he was able to decipher the riddle.
Jeff:
Oh, I see.
Casey:
He was able to decipher the riddle.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Light means knowledge and dark is the absence of that knowledge.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
And “one” means that the dolphin is alone.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
I have no idea with what that has to do with anything, really, but that’s how he deciphered it.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
And what he took that to mean was that the dolphin wants to be back with its family.
Jeff:
Oh, okay. Dolphin’s getting a little lonely.
Casey:
You see what I’m saying?
Jeff:
Uh-huh. He’s missing a little something-something…
Casey:
So the captain of this…
Jeff:
Is it a girl dolphin or guy dolphin?
Casey:
They’ve never mentioned that. I have no idea.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
That’s a very good point.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
I don’t think they said. So they got the dolphin, okay…
Jeff:
Has the dolphin humped any equipment yet? Because that’s how you know.
Casey:
No, he has not humped any equipment but he has all these specialized equipment. He’s got a special dolphin harness. He’s got a special thing you can tag subs with to shoot them down. I don’t even know.
Jeff:
Somewhere in the ship, there’s a [ humper ].
Casey:
So I’m sure there’s plenty… I’m sure there’s a dolphin sex machine and anything the dolphin needs. There’s probably web browsing where he can punch the bottle nose with something and it’ll bring up a dolphin porn site or something…
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
ILoveFins.com, Endorphins… I don’t know.
Jeff:
[inaudible 15:23]
Casey:
Yeah, something like that. So interruption number 2 of the multibillion Dollar mission, they’re like, “Okay, the dolphin’s gonna die. We better get him back with his family.”
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
“So let’s reprogram the computer system to search for sonar patterns that match his click pattern…”
Jeff:
Holy shit.
Casey:
And we’ll go around the Atlantic (or Pacific or wherever the fuck they were)… We’ll go around the ocean looking for pods with that signature so that we can release him.
Jeff:
Awesome. Just driving around the ocean.
Casey:
Sounds a little bit irresponsible to me. But that’s what they’re gonna do.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Turns out, that ended up being a good idea…
Jeff:
Oh, my goodness.
Casey:
As I roll into the climax of this fine episode of “Seaquest DSV”.
Jeff:
It’s also good to put an infected animal with other non-infected animals.
Casey:
That was exactly what I was thinking. I was like, “Okay, you’ve got some mystery infection that you can’t solve and you’re sending it back to its pod.”
Jeff:
Yep. Let’s infect them.
Casey:
But Jeff, don’t worry.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Because again, in the climax, it turns out all of these decisions, as odd as they sounded and as ludicrous as they would’ve been to anyone at the town, turned out to all end well for the Seaquest DSV team.
Jeff:
Alright. Okay.
Casey:
And I’ll tell you why. It turns out that somehow during this entire procedure, none of the people on the boat had put together the fact that maybe the reason the dolphin got sick was because he was swimming around in that crap.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So when they released the dolphin to its pod. They find the family. They release the dolphin to its pod. They go back to the research station…
Jeff:
They went back to get it all installed?
Casey:
To get it all installed.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
They harvest out one of the sample containers which is filled with this crap and they’re gonna open it in the ship.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
“Danger, Will Robinson,” to quote another science fiction I’ve never seen, right? This sounds like a pretty bad idea to me and to you, as you’ve already said. But somehow, they have not pieced this together.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
At the moment, at literally the moment the dude is about to open the container with a crowbar, the dolphin, which we think is off with its pod, jumps out…
Jeff:
Thousands of miles away…
Casey:
Thousands of miles away… Jumps out of the water, knocking him away from the container to prevent him from opening it.
Jeff:
Goddamn it. He took one for the team.
Casey:
Okay. I don’t know how the dolphin…
Jeff:
That’s a great ass dolphin.
Casey:
It’s like, okay, massive military research vessel… It’s a military command vessel, okay. Somehow, they don’t know that a dolphin has swam into the ship.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Okay, maybe a Frog team, an enemy Seal team, might also be able to do that. You should think… You should consider that possibility. Anyway, the dolphin saves the day right at the exact moment. It’s a good thing he showed up just then.
Jeff:
Did they show it in slow motion?
Casey:
No. I’m just saying this is why “Jump the shark” is a wrong term. It should be “Jump the dolphin” or something or “the dolphin jumps” because this was way worse than jumping a shark on water skis. This is insane.
Jeff:
Awesome.
Casey:
It gets way fucking better than that. So that just begins the awesome-ness of this episode. Now comes the actual climax which is that the dolphin is the same dolphin and it’s cured.
Jeff:
Okay. It’s just better.
Casey:
How is it cured? It’s not a mystery. The dolphin has brought the cure with it in its mouth.
Jeff:
awesome. It’s in his mouth the whole time?
Casey:
It’s a special seaweed that they’ve never seen before that can cure this particular disease.
Jeff:
So he’s like a biochemist dolphin?
Casey:
So what they explain to the viewer, because normally the viewer will be too fucking incredulous to come up with this thing on their own, is that the dolphin knew that the dolphin medicine, witch doctor medicine that the dolphins do, could cure it and needed to go back to its pod so that it could talk to the shaman and get the magic seaweed, heal itself, bring it back to the ship in time…
Jeff:
And heal everyone else.
Casey:
And heal everyone else.
Jeff:
He wasn’t AWOL.
Casey:
Thank you, Flipper.
Jeff:
He wasn’t a whiner. He wasn’t a deserter.
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
He didn’t leave any fish behind.
Casey:
No, he did not.
Jeff:
He had a plan.
Casey:
He had a plan.
Jeff:
And he executed it.
Casey:
And he executed that plan flawlessly.
Jeff:
He’s probably saying, “These fucking humans are killing me.”
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
“They are killing me at this point.”
Casey:
Absolutely.
Jeff:
“Everything they do, their fucking software sucks. I can understand them fine.”
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
He knows that they’re installing everything, apparently.
Casey:
Well, actually, in episode 1, the major reason that the dolphin had to stick a sonar buoy on to the other ship was because the mainframe had a virus so they couldn’t use the targeting system. Anyway, if all that shit about the dolphin in episode 2 does not make you want to watch episode 3, I don’t know what to say because I sure as shit do because I can’t imagine what they’re gonna come up with after this.
Jeff:
My God.
Casey:
Mind you, it’s been 2 episodes. There hasn’t been anything about anyone except the dolphin. It’s basically Flipper in space at this point, right?
Jeff:
He’s the star.
Casey:
I don’t even know what they’re gonna do next. Are they gonna have just dolphin adventures? Do they have a spin-off show where the dolphin’s got its own whole hour?
Jeff:
No, he’s gonna renegotiate his contract and then they’re gonna… His whole role is gonna be written down because he’s getting too full of himself.
Casey:
No, he’s gonna be written up. It’s gonna be like “Family Ties” where it didn’t used to be about Michael J. Fox but then it was because he was a hit. It was like, “We started the show and it turns out everyone loves the dolphin. They love the dolphin.”
Jeff:
God.
Casey:
No, it’s amazing.
Jeff:
You know, I know something about that show, if you want to know something.
Casey:
Yeah. What else is there to know?
Jeff:
In about… I think it’s the first 4 episodes are supposed to take place in not the far future but the near future.
Casey:
It said that. It said near future. So that’s why I said, like, 2050. It’s not 2300. It’s close to now.
Jeff:
Now, this show didn’t take the American public by storm, right?
Casey:
No, it did not.
Jeff:
It did not get good reviews.
Casey:
I think it only had 2 seasons, maybe.
Jeff:
So they decided they had to tweak it a bit. I believe it’s on episode 5 or 6…
Casey:
Oh…
Jeff:
They go from being… I mean, what you’re saying is not my understanding of this…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
It was supposed to be reasonably possible…
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
In that one, it goes full on bananas.
Casey:
What do you mean?
Jeff:
Aliens…
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
They run into aliens [inaudible 21:32]
Casey:
Oh, God. Dude, I am so watching the rest of this fucking series.
Jeff:
It’s just full on…
Casey:
I am watching the rest of this series.
Jeff:
It slowly turns into “The X-Files” with a dolphin and Rob Schneider.
Casey:
Okay, I will…
Jeff:
You know, Rob Schneider… You know, he’s been in so much shit…
Casey:
It’s not Rob Schneider. It’s Roy Schneider. There’s a really big difference.
Jeff:
No, there’s actually not, if you think about it.
Casey:
No, one of them…
Jeff:
“You can do it, dolphin!”
Casey:
One of them has made a good movie. One of them has made A good movie.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
The other one has not. That’s the difference, right. Someone must’ve done the math, like, Spielberg + Roy Schneider + Water/Aquatics is money.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
And they were like, “No, it’s not.” It turns out it’s not.
Jeff:
It’s not the case.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
No, that sounds pretty awesome.
Casey:
Yeah. So I’m at least gonna give it a few more episodes now because if it keeps being like that, I’ll do a review. Maybe we can do like a 5-minute capsule, keep you up to date on “Seaquest DSV”…
Jeff:
Wow, that’s pretty awesome.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So is the dolphin CG or do they actually have a dolphin swimming around?
Casey:
That’s a good question. It’s definitely not CG because at the time, CG was not nearly good enough to do a dolphin that looks like this, at all.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Especially not when you see the CG for the shots that they did use CG for… But it could have been… Some of the shots could easily have been like just a model, right?
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
’Cos it doesn’t move much, especially not when it was sick. It was just kind of sitting there.
Jeff:
When the dolphin knocks the box out of his hand, they just threw a big plastic…
Casey:
And there’s some water. And that’s it. You see it for, like, a second and it’s like…
Jeff:
You could totally turn that into a play.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
But I don’t know.
Jeff:
I’m gonna have to go read about this. I have not even looked at the news because of the new platform of Jeff not going to links.
Casey:
What do you do all day now?
Jeff:
So far, I’ve just had a bad headache.
Casey:
You have withdrawal.
Jeff:
It’s like caffeine. Yeah.
Casey:
You should tell our listeners that you deleted your RSS feed.
Jeff:
Right. So I hosed all my… So I was having this talk with Mike Abrash. And he still reads the paper every night.
Casey:
Like a physical paper?
Jeff:
Physical paper.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
I’m like, “Dude, that’s weird. You know, all this stuff’s online.” I was doing all this…
Casey:
Yeah, Gutenberg called and he wants his technology back.
Jeff:
Right. Yeah, exactly. And so, I was talking to him about it. And I said, “When I stopped doing that was when I moved here to Seattle and I had a problem with my paper. And for about 2 weeks, I didn’t get it at all. Then when it came, I don’t know. I just never did it again. It was this totally weird thing, the thing that I had done literally for 15 or 16 years every single day.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It was just gone.
Casey:
It was just a habit.
Jeff:
Well, I remember when I would come home, the first thing I would want to do was read the paper.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And as soon as that was broken, like that weird wanting to do it, read it, it was vanished.
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
It was a totally weird thing. And that happened to me with comics, too. I got out of comics. And it was a long time later I got back into them. And the same thing. I stopped all of a sudden and it was what I looked forward to every month, going to get all the little monthlies. I just got out.
Casey:
Yeah. So you stopped reading Spiderman, like, “This sucks,” and then you picked it up 15 years later and you go, “Oh, cool. It still sucks just like I remember.”
Jeff:
No. I started getting the collection so you could get the whole story in one go, which is better.
Casey:
Oh, now you’re back to individual pieces or you just do collections still?
Jeff:
I just get a big one. And even then, I’m not that much. It’s like, once you lose it, it’s hard to get back into the same zone.
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
So anyway, I was like…
Casey:
I don’t know if that’s a zone that needs getting back into but okay.
Jeff:
Yeah. Well, I thought I wonder if it’s the same thing with the sites you get used to where I’m very used to reading Digg or whatever. Like, you’re just so used to it. First thing I do is come in and get a Coke or whatever and start looking over what’s happened…
Casey:
Look in the dailies?
Jeff:
Yeah. So I just bolted them all. There’s…
Casey:
You just hosed them?
Jeff:
Yeah, there’s 5 of them left.
Casey:
I think I can personally guarantee that stopping reading Digg, for example, will have absolutely no negative effect on your life, anyway.
Jeff:
Probably. Except, now we are going to rely on you, our listeners, to give us the information we need to know.
Casey:
That’s a good point.
Jeff:
Because we need…
Casey:
Because I’m not gonna be able to find it.
Jeff:
Ryan, you’re on a payroll now, Ryan.
Casey:
Yeah. That’s a good point. Except he’s not because he actually paid us. We got a Christmas present from him…
Jeff:
Yes, that’s true. And it was a Christmas present for me…
Casey:
It kind of was a Christmas present for me to you.
Jeff:
To laugh at you. Yes. Goddamn it.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. He sent us a copy, our very own copy…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Of “You Don’t Mess with the Zohan”…
Jeff:
Not just “You Don’t Mess with the Zohan”, the 2-disc set…
Casey:
Fully loaded, extended version, mind you.
Jeff:
You know, that’s so we can get the director commentary on why he shot this the way he did…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Why the actual Rob Schneider went for this in this character…
Casey:
Rob Schneider’s in it?
Jeff:
He’s in every Adam Sandler…
Casey:
Oh, for fuck’s sake.
Jeff:
That’s why he said, “You can do it.” He says that in every Adam Sandler movie.
Casey:
You know what, the Swedes said that. The “100% awesome” guys…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
They said, “You can do it,” all the time.
Jeff:
They’re gonna get my reference before I got to here.
Casey:
Wow, okay. Yeah, I’ve never seen that. And I think I asked them and they did say it was from an Adam Sandler movie or something but I didn’t know the movie.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
“The Waterboy”?
Jeff:
It doesn’t matter.
Casey:
Okay. It doesn’t matter at all.
Jeff:
They’re all the same movie.
Casey:
Fair enough.
Jeff:
There is one movie, that’s “Happy Gilmore”, maybe “The Wedding Singer”…
Casey:
That’s the only… I’ve seen that one.
Jeff:
Other than that, they’re all the exact…
Casey:
Do you know what the other thing that they said was that was a movie quote? “It’s a hobo suit, darling. I won’t allow it,” from “Incredibles”.
Jeff:
In that accent?
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Awesome.
Casey:
So the great thing about it is I like talking with people from other cultures who still watch American movies to find out what sorts of things they latch on to because I know what sticks here, right…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
But I don’t have a very good feel for what might stick to people who have different cultural background, potentially, right?
Jeff:
That is awesome.
Casey:
Not that Sweden’s gonna be drastically different from the US but they’re different enough that they’re gonna have sort of maybe different takes on things and so on.
Jeff:
It’s true.
Casey:
“It’s a hobo suit, darling. I won’t allow it.”
Jeff:
Stop it. So I went to go do an emergency Best Buy shopping action because I left my wallet over at your place…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And I got hosed by that little thing about 5 times.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Went to the store, ugh, don’t have my wallet.
Casey:
Now, just to be clear, you didn’t accidentally leave the wallet because accidentally would imply that you do something sane with your wallet like keep it in your pocket.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
You actually do leave your wallet. So you take it out of your pocket and put it down wherever you go. So really, what you did was you failed to take your wallet…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
From the house. Correct?
Jeff:
Yes. Well, I don’t need this distinction because I got screwed about 3 days… So I got screwed when I went to the store and didn’t have a wallet. That was embarrassing. And then, I go to leave the Costco… I didn’t go to Costco…
Casey:
You’re a poor rich man, Jeff. You can’t pay for anything.
Jeff:
I wanted to go to the Costco to get my Costco on because I have my card. I did all the work.
Casey:
Yeah, that’s right.
Jeff:
Couldn’t go to Costco because I don’t have my card and they’re like the fucking CIA. So…
Casey:
“I’m sorry, sir. We can’t reissue a card this soon after your previous card.”
Jeff:
Well, no. And they’re probably like, “You don’t have 20 forms of identification to prove…”
Casey:
Or money. Money would also be a problem.
Jeff:
Well, I had some cash in the little file cabinet here.
Casey:
Oh, there’s a secret stash?
Jeff:
There’s a secret stash.
Casey:
I know about the secret stash. Now everyone does.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
It’s not so secret anymore.
Jeff:
Goddamn it. So then, I finally get over there New Years. We hang out with your folks. We see the fireworks with Sean. It’s awesome. Get my wallet. Go back. Next morning, I wake up, go to Costco, Costco’s closed on New Years. Goddamn it. So I have to go to Best Buy and that’s a painful experience all the way around. Best Buy, you go through there and you’re like, “We’re fucked.”
Casey:
I haven’t been to Best Buy in a while.
Jeff:
You should go there especially on a day like a shopping day like a Saturday.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You look at all these people and you’re like, “None of you in this store should be buying what you’re buying, you fucking idiots.”
Casey:
And that’s their whole thing, right? That’s the whole reason the company exists is to get people who should probably not have a home entertainment center buying it.
Jeff:
I mean, I’m looking at, like, a guy and his wife, newborn baby, clearly it’s a month-old baby and they’re looking at 42-inch flat screens.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Like, the baby doesn’t need that. Pretty sure the baby does not need the Sony Bravias. Yeah, it does not need that.
Casey:
But there’s 2 parts of that, right. There’s, A, you’re buying things that you probably shouldn’t be buying and you should be saving your money for something else, right? There’s that.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
But there’s also the fact that most of these people just should not be buying complicated electronics because they’re never gonna fucking wire them up properly, right? So their 5.1 audio sound system or whatever the hell is always gonna be operating in regular stereo mode…
Jeff:
Oh, dude…
Casey:
For the rest of their life. So save your money, don’t bother buying one.
Jeff:
It’s just depressing. You go there and it’s like, “Oh, man, we are screwed. This train is coming and it’s gonna hit us all.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Anyway, so I get some stuff. I get some gifts for my mom’s birthday.
Casey:
Yeah. Well, let’s be specific about what you’re getting for your mom for her birthday here because, actually, what you were getting for your mom for her birthday is sort of projection presents.
Jeff:
Oh, yeah. These are presents for me.
Casey:
You were like, “Here are presents to you for me,” if you will.
Jeff:
Yeah. Yes.
Casey:
So explain the situation. You’re basically tired of going to your mom’s house and not having all your AV shit.
Jeff:
Exactly. You go to my mom’s place and it’s not just that she doesn’t… It’s like, okay, the bedroom that I stay in has a black and white TV. I’m not talking standard def. I’m talking one of those little black…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
With fig wood paneling on the side.
Casey:
Nice.
Jeff:
So not only do I want to fix that, I’m embarrassed by this.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Like, “You’re my mom. I’m in the technology field. This is hurting my…”
Casey:
Yep. If word gets out about this…
Jeff:
Yes, exactly. Anyway, so I get her some electronics…
Casey:
TV upgrade…
Jeff:
Yes, and an Xbox and a PS3, all that stuff so she can do whatever.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Right?
Casey:
She is never gonna figure that out.
Jeff:
Hey…
Casey:
The 360, I have trouble with getting my fucking shit…
Jeff:
Oh, the 360…
Casey:
You know how long it takes me to find Netflix?
Jeff:
Wait, you know what…
Casey:
I played Netflix 50 times. I never know where it is.
Jeff:
Exactly. It’s never in the same place.
Casey:
I have no idea where it is. That shit could move around, for all I know. Maybe it does.
Jeff:
I don’t know what the fuck is going on. The whole Xbox thing, in my mind, I always had, like, the Xbox is way easier to use than the PS3 and it’s cheaper. Okay, I couldn’t find shit. First off, I bought the Xbox…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Then it didn’t have wireless so I got [inaudible 32:20] So I go buy the wireless which was $109 at Wal-Mart, God knows in a normal place…
Casey:
Holy shit. Dude, for $109, you can probably buy a wireless end router.
Jeff:
The gold membership…
Casey:
Oh, yeah. The gold membership…
Jeff:
And then the fucking Netflix. It was 3DO. It was the $800 console.
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
I don’t know how it happens, like, blam you got this and it’s playing…
Casey:
And of course, you can’t get a Blu-Ray drive for it so then you end up dropping another $400 on the PS3.
Jeff:
No. For the fucking PS3, yes, because you can’t get Netflix on the PS3.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Fuckers.
Casey:
Now, of course, you can get a Blu-Ray Netflix On Demand player but you did not do that.
Jeff:
I didn’t do that. I had those kind of boxes before and I got burned by them. The companies go under or whatever and now, all of a sudden, their little…
Casey:
Yeah, I don’t think LG is going to be going under anytime soon but okay.
Jeff:
No, but Momitsu was a great big company in Japan and they stopped supporting the servers that those things connected to. So they can go away.
Casey:
But it’s Netflix. They’re the ones running the server.
Jeff:
Yes, but they also… I mean, that’s assuming they talk right to Netflix and not to LG, like… Who know what the fuck…
Casey:
Why would LG run a bounce server for the Netflix…
Jeff:
Who knows? I have no idea, maybe…
Casey:
Alright. Yeah, that’s a good point. You have a point there. Why would I be surprised? I wouldn’t be surprised if you told me that was true.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
So, I guess I should say that it’s not.
Jeff:
Anyway, I had been literally burned by that before when all of a sudden, my hardware stopped working.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Anyway… And the Xbox and the 360… I mean, the 360 and the PS3.
Casey:
As opposed to the 360, which never burns people by stopping working.
Jeff:
Yeah. She said, “Should I throw these boxes away?” And it’s like, “After 2 years.”
Casey:
No. Absolutely, not.
Jeff:
When this thing goes red… That’s on the instruction list…
Casey:
Go ahead and put it back in the box.
Jeff:
Yeah. So I did actually watch her… It came with “Kung Fu Panda” and fucking “Indiana Jones Lego”…
Casey:
Oh, so you actually bought a… You did not buy the $199 basic version. You bought the full fucking unizip-the-pants $700 console or whatever the hell it was?
Jeff:
Yeah, bend me over.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So it’s awesome to watch…
Casey:
But it came with “Kung Fu Panda”. You can’t put a price on that.
Jeff:
Well, compared to… The Indie game was way worse but…
Casey:
“Lego Indiana Jones”? People like that game.
Jeff:
The Lego one?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Are you sure?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Okay. Well, I thought it was terrible.
Casey:
People love those Lego games. They go ape shit over this.
Jeff:
The “Star Wars” ones, I know…
Casey:
“Star Wars”, “Indiana Jones”, “Batman”, they love them.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
They love them.
Jeff:
This was not good.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
It was interesting to watch someone that doesn’t have any game grammar just boot up and watch. Run the “Panda” for a second.
Casey:
Oh, yeah. No, forget that.
Jeff:
Holy shit. I’m like, “No, see, that thing’s flashing. You probably want to run up to it.” And she runs up to it. I’m like, “Okay, press green because green always means do something.”
Casey:
Yeah. Forget it.
Jeff:
“Why?” “It just does.” And then she’s like, “Now, I’m not moving.” “Now your hand’s on the direction pad. You gotta move the… Yeah, they’re both directions but this is the direction you want.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And then, the menu comes up. The joystick doesn’t work but the direction pad does.
Casey:
I know.
Jeff:
Oh, my God.
Casey:
But these things are bad, in general. Like, we need to fix all that shit. No question about that.
Jeff:
Yep. Interestingly, I gave her “Little Big Planet” and she did pretty well with that.
Casey:
I have not actually played that game, yet, so I don’t know if the…
Jeff:
It’s gorgeous. I don’t see the game that’s there but she did seem to…
Casey:
I just meant I didn’t see the sort of, like, meta game of it that… How hard it is to navigate yourself to actually play the game and so on.
Jeff:
They also had a really good introduction. Anyway, it was well done. And for whatever reason…
Casey:
Does it have a talking dolphin?
Jeff:
She played in it. Don’t the dolphins… Dolphins leave, right? “So long, thanks for all the fish.”
Casey:
Yeah. But they probably talk at some point, right?
Jeff:
I think they telepathically, don’t they?
Casey:
There you go. Okay. Someone was reading Douglas Adams and didn’t realize that was comedy.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Anyway, so I’m walking around the store and I’m depressed. I’m looking at all these people that shouldn’t be buying anything…
Casey:
Oh, we’re back in the Best Buy now…
Jeff:
And all the kids are playing “Rock Band” and “Guitar Hero”, by the way. Nobody’s playing any of the games.
Casey:
Right. Yes.
Jeff:
That’s all that matters.
Casey:
Yeah. Speaking of games that have a terrible meta game, by the way… Like, for a game that should just be “you turn it on and you’re playing it rock” it’s like, push the button 8,000 times, make a character. Make 3 more characters. Pick a song. Pick a city. Pick a venue.
Jeff:
You can’t play the song you like…
Casey:
What the fuck?
Jeff:
You have to play some song you don’t like 20 times…
Casey:
Some shitty song you’ve never heard of… I mean, “Rock Band 2” probably has the worst meta game design of any game ever, considering how simple it would be to just make that game. There’s no… Nothing needs to be there.
Jeff:
I thought it was okay until we kept having to play the same song at different venues and you couldn’t move on until… Oh, it’s just depressing.
Casey:
Yeah. And all that’s… ‘Cos again, you totally ruin the accessibility of this game by the fact that there’s 50 million hardcore gamer shit events that have to happen. To create a character on your memory card, it asks you if you want to store an audio cache on your hard drive when you first put the game in. It’s like, “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Jeff:
And you have to take… Different than the instruments…
Casey:
Oh, God. It has 3 things when you start up. Do you want to have a song cache? Do you want to have audio/video settings saved to hard drive? Do you want to have a save game? Right?
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
It’s like, amazing. But then, the other thing that’s amazing is that if they watched anyone play the game for more than 5 seconds, they would see that the same thing happens across all skill levels. “Oh, fuck, sorry. I pushed the guitar button.”
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
“Oh, shit. Sorry, I was drumming on the cymbal,” and that totally fucks up the meta game and now you’re in some other thing or you said yes to something you didn’t want to say yes to. It’s like…
Jeff:
It’s bizarre.
Casey:
Fix it. Fix that. What the hell, people?
Jeff:
Okay, we’re going back to Best Buy.
Casey:
It’s the 17th version of the software.
Jeff:
I know. I don’t understand. Can we go back to Best Buy?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
All the DVD’s are plugged in to the same thing so they’re playing little bits of “Dark Knight”. And after “Dark Knight”, it will pause for a second and then this lady will come on and she’s in the Best Buy shirt…
Casey:
Is it the trailer for “Dark Knight”? Or is it actually “The Dark Knight”, like a chunk?
Jeff:
Little chunks of it, yeah.
Casey:
Okay, so it plays some scenes of “The Dark Knight” and it goes to this lady.
Jeff:
Then it goes to this lady.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And she’s talking to you.
Casey:
Now, do you think that’s part of Christopher Nolan’s original vision for “The Dark Knight”, that periodically, there would be a Best Buy woman?
Jeff:
[inaudible 38:40] popped up and talked about it.
Casey:
It’s kind of like C3P0 in “Star Wars”. Lucas thought that would be the way that the kids would get into the film, right? It’s like, this brings… Yeah, from the Best Buy into the film.
Jeff:
This is to get people who are a little upset, you know… The movie’s a little dark…
Jeff:
And then, Shan’s in a background looking [ real sad ]…
Casey:
Oh, your brother was there?
Jeff:
And in the background, he holds up a piece of paper that says, “Help me.” It was awesome.
Casey:
Awesome.
Jeff:
It was totally worth the cost of the camera that never worked. That thing never worked. Anyway, so yes, grandpa is never gonna get that. There’s no heartwarming end of that story at all. This machine is gonna be destroyed… Yeah. We have those here. When Atman was in Japan, Mike Abrash and him had to talk all the time…
Casey:
Right. Well, we’ve done this. You and I did the podcast.
Jeff:
They went through 3 or 4… Yes, we went through 3 or 4 Skype computers, none working. Finally, the only machine that runs Skype without crashing… And when it crashes and you run it again, all the things are unused. It’s like, “Alright, we’ll have to reboot.”
Casey:
Well, I mean, part of that is just the fact that anyone who’s ever done any Windows Direct Show programming or anything like that knows that capturing a frame of video from a device…
Jeff:
Is insane, yes…
Casey:
It’s like, one of… Like, let’s say that you couldn’t have access to any sample code, right. So all you got was you need to sit down at a Windows machine and with nothing but the API reference, you had to capture a video frame… I would say that even some of the finest programmers I know would still be there a week later with it only sort of working because it is literally 50,000 lines of code to capture a frame reliably, like from lots of different types of cameras and stuff.
Jeff:
It’s even more awesome than that because there’s shit like… Since the whole Direct Show API is wrapped up in an object model, as well, the only way to get the frames is to derive from one of their objects which means now, all of a sudden, you have version V Table compatibility issues so, like, one of the things like the Direct Show importer that I have for Bink gets built with, like, VC-6. And I can never update it.
Casey:
Yeah. Oh, no. No, don’t do that. Don’t do that.
Jeff:
And even if I tried, the fucking C++ that they use in the example code no longer compiles because they didn’t put, like, fucking template inside the template.
Casey:
Right, yeah. Awesome. Yeah, who knows?
Jeff:
I have no idea.
Casey:
It was the old compiler that had different things. Yeah, it’s awesome.
Jeff:
It is the best.
Casey:
That reminds me, speaking of Windows API design. The fact that the upcoming Windows 7 will actually be Windows 6. Correct?
Jeff:
6.1.
Casey:
6.1?
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
I’m sorry. 6.1.
Jeff:
Yes. So the story here is…
Casey:
Who did we get this from? Or did you send this out?
Jeff:
Dave. Dave sent this in.
Casey:
Oh, Dave Moore?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So what it was is when Vista came out, there was already Windows 5 that was out there which was… I guess that would’ve been Win 2K was Windows 5 because Windows NT4 came out then Windows 2000 was NT5. And then, they said, “We’re gonna come out with XP but we’re worried about the problems it had when we went from NT4…”
Casey:
To NT 5?
Jeff:
“To NT 5…”
Casey:
Now, what kinds of problems were these?
Jeff:
I don’t know. Probably…
Casey:
I’m guessing installers and stuff that go…
Jeff:
Installers…
Casey:
“Is this Windows Blah…” And then didn’t do, like, greater than, they did less than or equal to or something… I’m not sure exactly what it was but something like this where they ask for the version number and then it turned out that they wouldn’t run if the version number was higher than the current version. And so, all the apps broke.
Jeff:
Right. So XP, even though it was a major release of the software is 5.1.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Right. Now, like all things about Vista, they just threw away any experience, knowledge…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
That’s probably because all the people that had any experience went, “I don’t want to… I can’t even use this product,” and left, right?
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
So they were like, “[inaudible 46:57] baby…”
Casey:
Or like, C# doesn’t support decimal points or something so they’re like, “Well, it’s gotta be a round number.”
Jeff:
Exactly. So anyway, they switch it to 6. Oh, no. They had all the same fucked up shit again.
Casey:
Oh, they did again?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Same thing from 4 to 5?
Jeff:
Fucked up shit again.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So what they did is recently now, when Windows 7 comes out, they have learned their lesson again…
Casey:
They’ve relearned it, if you will.
Jeff:
And it will be 6.1. Right, which is awesome because they have an entire app compatibility layer anyway. They can turn on version… You know, deal with it that way…
Casey:
Yeah. Well, if you don’t mind me saying so, this is kind of a microcosm of everything Microsoft does which is somebody, at some point, learned what the right thing to do is. He’s gone and he didn’t write it down, apparently. Or the new people don’t believe him or something.
Jeff:
I think that’s what it is.
Casey:
Awesome. Yeah.
Jeff:
Well, there’s that awesome one now that…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And this will get them back into buying stuff.
Casey:
Right. Yeah.
Jeff:
Yeah. So she addresses you and she tells you stories about her favorite customers, right?
Casey:
Okay. Is she wearing Joker makeup? Because that would be awesome.
Jeff:
No. She’s kind of in a white background like a Mac commercial.
Casey:
So there’s nothing there. It’s just her and the void.
Jeff:
And she’s telling you these what… I assume they’re kind of going for these heartwarming stories about her customers and how much she cares about them, right?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
She’s like, “Yeah, there was this old man walking around Best Buy. I saw him in there and he was walking around the store.” I’m like, “He shouldn’t be in the fucking Best Buy.”
Casey:
Yeah, and this is why you were not cast for that commercial but continue.
Jeff:
Yes. So she’s like, “So I went up to him and he says, ‘Yeah, you know, I miss my grandkids…’” I’m like, “Again, why the fuck are you in the Best Buy and not with your grandkids, then, you goddamned idiot.”
Casey:
Yeah. Restraining order…
Jeff:
Yes. So she said he’s watching the kids play. So she says, “’You know what you need. You need a web camera.’ And so, I tell him and I explain to him about what a web camera is and he’s like, ‘I didn’t even know there was a technology like this,’” and listens to this whole… And she’s telling this as if I’m gonna be like, “Oh, that’s so sweet.” And all I can think of is, “I end up doing all my family’s tech support. No fucking way that old fucker is gonna get that web camera to work, right?”
Casey:
There is no chance.
Jeff:
He’s gonna plug that shit in. It’s gonna crash, right?
Casey:
Oh, yeah. Yep.
Jeff:
If it’s a Logitech, it probably doesn’t work at all.
Casey:
Well, first of all, have you ever seen the installation instructions for any USB device? It’s like, “Well, wait… Okay, do not plug in the device.”
Jeff:
“Whatever you do, do not plug in the device.”
Casey:
You’re like, “What piece of instructions says don’t plug it in?”
Jeff:
Yeah. If you call in tech support, they’re like, “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Did you plug the device in?” You’re like, “Yes.”
Casey:
It’s like, “Oh, fuck.”
Jeff:
“The machine is fucked. Do you have any other computers in your house? Do you have anything you can use this that is not that computer?”
Casey:
“Take it back, sir. We’ll refund your money. I’m sorry. There’s nothing you can do. I know you love your grandkids. I know you want to see them. Forget it.”
Jeff:
Yes. “You’re done for.” Goddamn it.
Casey:
Yeah. There’s no way… If a single frame of that grandfather ever gets broadcast to anyone, I don’t care who it is, then I’ll be a monkey’s uncle because holy shit, dude…
Guest:
I think that’s actually a good way for him to get some time with his grandkids, ‘cos they can help him set it up.
Jeff:
Yeah, set it up. Well, I sent my dad one of these ones…
Casey:
That’s a good point. “Help grandpa set up the webcam.”
Jeff:
I sent one of these to my dad once and it was one of my favorite times because I sent him one of those, a “Journey Man”…
Casey:
What’s that?
Jeff:
Remember that game, “Journey Man”?
Casey:
Oh, God. You’re talking about “Journey Man” and “Journey Man 2:Buried in Time”?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I think “The Journey Man Project” was the full name of that.
Jeff:
“The Journey Man Project” would not install. QuickTime was fucked up…
Casey:
Oh, yeah. No, shit. Yeah, yeah.
Jeff:
So dad had me on speaker and Shan was there and Shan was running commentaries…
Casey:
Yeah. Can I just say one thing about “The Journey Man Project”, just a little game history for people here?
Jeff:
Uh-huh.
Casey:
“The Journey Man Project” is one of the only games that I can think of… I mean, maybe there’s others but as far as games that I can think of… I’ve played a lot of games… That actually shipped an optimized version of the game subsequently as a separate skew. So they had “The Journey Man Project”, which was way too slow to play and then they subsequently shipped “The Journey Man Project Turbo”, which was an optimized version of the game that actually you could play.
Jeff:
Oh, okay. Turb that shit up.
Casey:
How awesome is that?
Jeff:
Well, that wasn’t dad’s problem. None of the QuickTime movies would play…
Casey:
He wasn’t missing much. It was not one of the finest games in the…
Jeff:
Yeah. He was not able to do it. That was funny. But then, he’s like, “Screw this. I’m gonna get the webcam working.”
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
The webcam’s just disaster after disaster after disaster. And this was when he has to put a card in the computer. So then, that’s a whole pile of wax.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So it gets all working. I can see him. He can’t see me and I can’t hear him.
Casey:
Why not? Who knows?
Jeff:
I don’t know.
Casey:
Well, it makes sense that you can’t hear him because he might not have a mic.
Jeff:
This is not any different. Using Skype today is exactly the same fucking thing and I’ll talk about that in a second. So anyway, he can’t see me at all and I’m watching him and I’m seeing him, his hand’s moving up because he’s getting mad…
Casey:
Yeah.
Casey:
Well, let’s talk about this for one second, though, because here’s the thing that strikes me as awesome.
Jeff:
[inaudible 47:52]
Casey:
So they were like, “Well, we can’t change the version number to 6.”
Jeff:
That’s crazy talk… Or 7…
Casey:
No, I’m talking about before.
Jeff:
Oh, okay.
Casey:
They were like… They were on 5. They go, “We can’t change to 6 because it was terrible changing to 5. So we’re gonna change to 5.1.”
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Right. Which suggests to me that now, people will start checking what the “point” is, right? So the fact that now that they think that going from 6 to 6.1 isn’t going to break… What do you think the people were checking for with the point release, right?
Jeff:
Well, what they’re gonna do is keep pushing it…
Casey:
Yes. Yes, so now they’re gonna introduce another API called, like, get minor minor version number, right, and then they’re just gonna ink that, right? Here’s the thing. Here’s a little tip for you since, like, hey, it’s RAD Game Tools, we design API’s for a living, right? Here’s a little tip. If you want to provide an API for people to do or not do something based on the version, have them pass the version.
Jeff:
Yes. To you. Right.
Casey:
Don’t return it back. Just pass in the version. They’re supposed to go, “Should I do stuff for Windows (6)?” That way, you can return yes if you’re 6 or higher. End of story.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Problem solved.
Jeff:
Yeah. It’s just gonna keep getting crazier and crazier.
Casey:
You could’ve done this 10 years ago and you’d be done. Instead, you are still fighting the same problem. Don’t have a Get version API.
Jeff:
I think the reason this happens, as well, is they introduce sub-systems that could handle this in the most convoluted way but they exist. Like, “Look, we can put something in [ app combat ]. We can ship that as Windows something…”
Casey:
Yeah. But then, they have to know about it is the problem.
Jeff:
Right. But that gets updated when you do Windows update all the time.
Casey:
No. What I’m saying is they have to know about the app so they have…
Jeff:
Yeah, they have to let it crash once.
Casey:
So someone still will end up getting fucked, all a bunch of people…
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
And then, finally, 6 months later, when it trickles through testing, and out it… Right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
So, like, you don’t want to do any of that.
Jeff:
It is quality action.
Casey:
No, it’s the A Team.
Jeff:
It is quality action.
Casey:
It’s the B.1 Team.
Jeff:
Well, let’s talk about the D Team at Microsoft…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Which is the Zune Masters…
Casey:
Oh, right, yeah, Zune.
Jeff:
Zune Master guys…
Casey:
I forgot about this.
Jeff:
Yes. So, yeah. Everybody mailed this to us.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So we have to talk about it even though it’s boring.
Casey:
It’s kind of a classic at this point.
Jeff:
But yeah, this was a leap year this year.
Casey:
Yeah, that’s right.
Jeff:
So they have some sort of calculations. Somebody has posted the code that they reverse engineered from the binary that show them what the bug is.
Casey:
Okay. So, like, some anti-virus dudes or security people who do that sort of shit for a living went in there and disassembled the ROM’s or something and said, “Here’s the bug, by the way. We probably found it faster than you did.”
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So yeah, on the last day of the year, the 366th day of the year, all the Zunes died. And not only died. They de-authorized all their music because it was [ invalidate ], as well.
Casey:
Now, what do you mean by “die”? They just don’t boot or something?
Jeff:
They don’t even boot. They’re bricked.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And the solution was just wait a day.
Casey:
So they’re not really bricked. They’re temporarily out of commission. So they will come back to life…
Jeff:
Except all your music has been de-authorized. So now, you have to go back and re-authorize your music for this device…
Casey:
Whoa. How do you do that? You plug it into something?
Jeff:
There’s a set of steps necessary to do it. The way you’re supposed to do it is turn off the machine… If you were crazy enough to turn it on on the 31st, which everyone should just know you shouldn’t do that…
Casey:
Right. Why would you do that?
Jeff:
Are you fucking crazy?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Goddamn it. So you turn it off. You turn it on…
Casey:
Everyone knows it’s bad luck to use electricity on the 31st, right?
Jeff:
Yes, exactly. Turn that shit off.
Casey:
The Jews have known this for years. It’s in the fucking Torah. It’s like, “Do not use music devices…”
Jeff:
Right. Exactly.
Casey:
“On the 31st day of the year…”
Jeff:
It’s quiet Friday.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So you’re supposed to unplug it. Turn it off. Like, whatever you do, just turn it off.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
You wait until the next day. Then, you wait for the battery to run out.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
You have to turn it on.
Casey:
How do you know… You just wait for it to die while it’s…
Jeff:
Yeah. Just turn it on and let it run out. When it runs out, you plug it back in…
Casey:
Because the sea moss is keeping the time or something?
Jeff:
Apparently… Yes.
Casey:
Oh, my fucking God, dude.
Jeff:
So then, you turn it back on, you plug it in. you re-authorize the music for this new device…
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
And then, you’ve got your shit back.
Casey:
Oh, my Lord.
Jeff:
So it’s kind of a dumb bug. And then, whenever you have dumb bugs and you modulate by DRM…
Casey:
Yeah. Right.
Jeff:
Always get more… Yeah, that’s when you get the 100% [inaudible 52:23]
Casey:
Yeah, the DRM comes in to help out…
Jeff:
Totally…
Casey:
To help smooth things over.
Jeff:
Yeah, just to make this experience better for everyone.
Casey:
That’s so tasty. So would you say that on the 31st, that the Zune played for sure or it did not play for sure?
Jeff:
It hasn’t played for sure in a long time.
Casey:
It probably never played for sure. They never actually implemented Play for Sure on it, right? That was the big thing. Like, Zune can’t do that, right?
Jeff:
Yeah, they can’t play for sure.
Casey:
Yeah. And now, it can’t play anything.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Not only can it not play that.
Jeff:
Just be patient. Chill out. That’s what some Microsoft people were saying on the forums. “Chill out. Just wait a day. Chill. Chill. It’s not that big a deal. Chill.”
Casey:
That’s so awesome.
Jeff:
Yeah, it is awesome.
Casey:
I mean, on the one hand, it’s not that big a deal. On the other hand, do you think anyone’s ever gonna buy a Zune again if they were, in the first place, going to, right?
Jeff:
Well, I don’t understand the Zune thing, either.
Casey:
Yeah, I have no idea who buys them, yeah.
Jeff:
We got a couple Zunes for free and we put them out in the kitchen. And it took until the end of the day before anybody took them. We did have somebody… One employee took one.
Casey:
Why would you even take one?
Jeff:
I have no idea. They do have one nice…
Casey:
I guess… You know what you could do? You could give it to someone who doesn’t know anything about anything, like to some person…
Jeff:
Like your grandpa, say…
Casey:
Yeah. Right. Or whatever…
Jeff:
He couldn’t get the webcam working…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Let’s give him a Zune.
Casey:
Or, I mean, someone who would just appreciate the thought, who doesn’t know that it wasn’t really a thought, that you’re just trying to get rid of something that no one wants.
Jeff:
Re-gift that shit.
Casey:
Right? Yeah.
Jeff:
I was gonna say something about my grandpa. [inaudible 53:46] talking about grandpas.
Casey:
You know what, give it to a kid. Give it to someone who’s probably gonna break it anyway.
Jeff:
That’s what we did. Mitch gave it to his boys who’ll probably take it apart.
Casey:
You know, this is the second time Microsoft has fucked up the date code because actually, their C runtime library was off by a week on daylight savings time. So all programs that were compiled with that C runtime library statically were busted for a week. They were off by an hour. So this is number 2. “Chillax, guys. Just wait a week.” It’s just like being one time zone over for, like, a week. What’s wrong with that? It’s like a vacation. Virtual vacation, Microsoft vacation for Windows.”
Jeff:
I was…
Casey:
Sometimes, I just set the time zone to Hawaii time, anyway, and I just chillax.
Jeff:
I take my shoes off. Yeah.
Casey:
Yeah. That’s awesome.
Jeff:
So I was down to… My mom’s down in [inaudible 54:38] chillaxing for a couple days…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And I got a call from my aunt who was up there. And you’ve met my grandma before.
Casey:
The crazy one?
Jeff:
A little crazy, yeah.
Casey:
She was the one who asked us if we could make something that would suspend itself in the middle of the room with no attachments, just [ a picture in air ]. A picture frame…
Jeff:
Well, I remember a picture frame, right…
Casey:
Because she didn’t want to have to mount them on things.
Jeff:
She’s a relatively famous artist in Utah. In fact, she did the ornament for Utah that went on the tree…
Casey:
Now, what does that mean?
Jeff:
What do you mean? Like what level of Utah?
Casey:
Like, what does “relatively famous” mean for Utah? Like…
Jeff:
Well, she was already… I mean, she is an Osmond. So that whole family is somewhat famous. But in, like…
Casey:
Oh, like the Osmond family, like, Donny Osmond and so on?
Jeff:
She makes a living… Yes…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So she makes a living selling art at various shows and stuff.
Casey:
And what kind of art does she make?
Jeff:
It’s oils and stuff…
Casey:
So paintings?
Jeff:
Mhmm… And they’re good. I appreciate the craft that goes into. They look good.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
They’re not what I would I would paint. They’re usually, like, [ Jizo ] and stuff. But…
Casey:
Jizo?
Jeff:
Jizo?
Casey:
Like the Japanese Bodhisattva?
Jeff:
Exactly.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Anyway… But she’s not that good with the details of situations.
Casey:
The technological details in this particular case was just like, “You know what…”
Jeff:
Many details, yeah, just anything… “I’ve thought about it and that’s enough.”
Casey:
Right. Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
It’s not whether she came to a conclusion like she bought doves for the house once because they’re pretty…
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
And she wanted them to fly around so she could see them. So she made these cages out of sticks. And they were really gorgeous cages. But when you put a little tray on the bottom, then they block because they were up on the wall. You couldn’t see the birds with the trays so she took the trays out.
Casey:
Oh…
Jeff:
Dove shit everywhere…
Casey:
Yeah, all over the place. Right.
Jeff:
That took about a month before grandpa’s like, “Enough.”
Casey:
That reminds me of that David Sedaris story. Remember?
Jeff:
He just let the birds.
Casey:
“The 12 Days of Christmas” story where he actually gets all the animals…
Jeff:
Yeah, that’s awesome.
Casey:
Okay. Continue.
Jeff:
Anyway, so she has all kinds of things. They had a pot-bellied pig because she bought it on an impulse buy. That pig got to be 150 pounds. It was just barreling into people for their food until they finally took him to the farm. Anyway, she sent out some letter for Christmas cards.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And bills and stuff because my grandpa, who just turned 90 today, shout out to grandpa, 90 years old today?
Casey:
Bills? Wow.
Jeff:
90 years old.
Casey:
90 years old.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
You know, I probably will never see 90 years old. I’m just telling you right now.
Jeff:
You don’t think so?
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
You don’t think some magic concoction…
Casey:
My family does not have longevity. I don’t think there was a single grandparent who lived to be past 75, probably.
Jeff:
Yeah, I don’t know.
Casey:
So maybe with medical advances I’ll be 80-something but there’s no chance of me being 90-something. There’s no chance.
Jeff:
You’ll be in there. You’re gonna be buying some crazy hyper dimensional web camera that’s gonna blow your computer up.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Anyway, so she is doing the bills and stuff…
Casey:
I gotta have kids before I can have grandkids, though, Jeff. I’m a little behind on that schedule.
Jeff:
Well, maybe you’d be there with the thing. “Can I see some porn on this?”
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
It’s inter-dimensional…
Casey:
Probably more like, “Any chance a 90-year old guy can have kids? Do you have anything in the store for that?”
Jeff:
Awesome.
Casey:
Petri dish of some kind?
Jeff:
Stop it. So, she mailed all her bills and her Christmas cards off. And about half of them came back.
Casey:
Oh, you know what I just realized?
Jeff:
You’re never gonna let me get through this story.
Casey:
No, I’m not.
Jeff:
Damn it.
Casey:
But I just realized something interesting.
Jeff:
Tell me.
Casey:
So in the future, you know how moms often want grandkids…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
You know how this is a common thing?
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
“When are you gonna have children?” Or whatever, right? So I wonder if they’ll just be able to skip over that whole process, like… ‘Cos right now, they do a lot of these, like, in-vitro fertilization and stuff like this, you know, like crazy, weird fertility shit, right?
Jeff:
I don’t like where this is going.
Casey:
I wonder if they’ll be able to, like, you and another couple who are about to have kids just agree to also have grandkids and they just pre-make the grandkids, too, right?
Jeff:
What, from the…
Casey:
As soon as the eggs fertilizes and subdivides, they just take some DNA out of that and make another one.
Jeff:
I see. Yeah, no. I don’t think [ that’s possible ].
Casey:
So you can get kids and grandkids at the same fucking time.
Jeff:
Well, why not just have grandkids? Why have kids at all?
Casey:
Even better. Cut out the middle man.
Jeff:
Yeah, exactly.
Casey:
Cut out the fucking middle man.
Jeff:
Right. Get the grandkids…
Casey:
Moms are gonna love this. Moms everywhere are gonna love this.
Jeff:
Throw them away, yes.
Casey:
Sorry, continue.
Jeff:
Anyway, all the things come back and I was just going to tell you a couple things that she did wrong. So people out there get things back. Here’s some common mistakes that you might…
Casey:
Common? This is mail room tips from the Jeff & Casey Show.
Jeff:
Right. From my grandma.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Right. So the first one that came back was for First Security Bank. And it was addressed as “First Security Bank” at 5 Points near the 5 and Dime across from the Albertson’s…
Casey:
No, she did not write that.
Jeff:
And she didn’t put a stamp on it. That came back. The next one was addressed to my brother, Brendan.
Casey:
Okay. So wait… You’ve said 2 tips so far. A, put a stamp on it. That’s a good tip.
Jeff:
Yep. Good tip.
Casey:
B, directions should be absolute, not relative.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
We want absolute coordinates, not relative coordinates to some other landmark.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Okay. 2 good tips. I like both of those tips.
Jeff:
The one to my brother, Brendan… “Brendan Roberts Salt Lake City”. That’s it. That’s all she wrote. No stamp, by the way. Also no stamp.
Casey:
Well, she’s avoiding embarrassment by not having a stamp on it. [ It probably gets cold ] before they read the address and go, “This person’s a lunatic.”
Jeff:
I mean, she did everything else. She put the return address, so they came back, all of that…
Casey:
Good for that. That’s good she knows that they didn’t go through, at least.
Jeff:
Yep. That’s right.
Casey:
That’s a big plus.
Jeff:
Yep. My brother [ Shan’s ], said, “Shan”. Not Roberts. Just Shan. Okay. So the four tips…
Casey:
Right. Full name, full legal name of the addressee is often a plus.
Jeff:
Yes. Now, that one…
Casey:
Sometimes, it may work.
Jeff:
That one had a stamp.
Casey:
Okay. Alright. Okay. Right. It’s just Shan.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Full legal name of the addressee, precise absolute location of addressee…
Jeff:
Exactly…
Casey:
Preferably with this thing we call a zip code…
Jeff:
Uh-huh. Now I don’t…
Casey:
[inaudible 61:04] not required. [inaudible 61:06] is for bonus points. Just a 5-digit zip code would be a good start.
Jeff:
Yep. Nope. Unnecessary. Yes. So we have…
Casey:
And put a stamp on it.
Jeff:
Yeah, put a stamp on it. From my grandma, the tips…
Casey:
And don’t forget to put in the return address because if you’re someone who actually needs these mailing tips, you’re going to have to rely on that return address more than once, probably.
Jeff:
What I should teach grandma what to do is put who she wants to mail it to in the return address and then drop it in the post without stamps…
Casey:
Yep. Yeah, that’s an old [ mail from ] thing. I’m pretty sure that they’ve fixed that one by now.
Jeff:
Damn it. Okay, Casey. We have about 15 minutes left. We need to talk about the funnest thing we did all Christmas vacation.
Casey:
I think I know what you’re referring to.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
This was not on the list. We have not discussed this.
Jeff:
This was not on the list.
Casey:
This is an impromptu topic.
Jeff:
I remembered it halfway through, yes.
Casey:
But I’m guessing that what you want to talk about is that myself, you, and Sean Barrett, the entire podcast crew, in fact, went Home for the holidays, if you will.
Jeff:
Exactly, yes. We went PS3 “Home” for the holidays.
Casey:
Yes. But in this case, we mean going to PS3 “Home”. And what sort of sparked this off was I guess Jeff had read an online article by a woman who said that she tried to play Home and created a female character. And when she walked out into the common area, she was immediately swarmed by guys and could not really move because there were too many of them all around.
Jeff:
Yeah. So we decided to undertake a sociological experiment for our listeners.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
And ourselves.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Actually, listeners were not involved at this point. We were just doing it for fun.
Jeff:
We made what could probably be described as “not an attractive avatar” politely.
Casey:
No. Even if, for some reason, you found the avatar attractive physically…
Jeff:
In some fetish way, right…
Casey:
We tried to make her up in such a way that you would still be repulsed.
Jeff:
Yep. We found the way to add wrinkles.
Casey:
Yep, rouge, very bright blush.
Jeff:
Yes. She looked a little like Roseanne Bar after she committed a lot of…
Casey:
Dean and Martina, for those of you in Seattle, was what we kind of ended up with.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Definitely Dean and Martina, which is actually sort of a transvestite comedy show…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Which has been described by “The Stranger”, her physical appearance described by “The Stranger” as 2 pigs wrestling their way out of a burlap sack.
Jeff:
Yes. We did have some ham hocks.
Casey:
Yes. Exactly. So we made the least attractive avatar we could think of, at least in terms of conventional attractiveness. Maybe she was very smart but since we didn’t have a chat hooked up, they’re never gonna know that.
Jeff:
Yeah. And it wouldn’t matter, anyway.
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
So, we left our apartment, our very nice apartment.
Casey:
Right. 15 minutes later, after it had downloaded the outdoor content…
Jeff:
Everywhere you go, there’s a new download…
Casey:
Yes, that’s right.
Jeff:
She enters the world.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Now, the amazing part about this is that when a woman enters… Now, let’s remind people that as far as we know, because it’s impossible to figure out, my avatar was named, “JeffR”…
Casey:
“Jeff@RAD”.
Jeff:
“Jeff@RAD”, right.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
This is not a feminine name.
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
So we interfered with our experiment somewhat with that name, as well.
Casey:
But they might have thought your name was Jeffa…
Jeff:
Okay, maybe.
Casey:
Which could sort of be a female-y sounding name.
Guest:
Jef fat RAD.
Jeff:
Fat RAD. Well, Jeff@RAD and Jeffa entered the world. The most amazing part of this was… Like, all of a sudden, you could see the people that were… The guys… Because it was just dudes…
Casey:
It was all dudes.
Jeff:
Yeah. Like, her…
Casey:
It was all dudes.
Jeff:
And then, they’d approach us.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
And they go… Up to where they got to where… I don’t know, the MIP level…
Casey:
Yeah, the MIP level kicked in. Yeah.
Jeff:
And not blurred.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And then, they just passed by.
Casey:
Yeah, they just walked away. They just walked away.
Jeff:
Wow, came right up and then off. Right.
Casey:
And that was pretty funny, just to begin with.
Jeff:
That was awesome.
Casey:
To confirm the fact that they had absolutely no interest in our avatar.
Jeff:
But we didn’t know for sure. We had to do more tests.
Casey:
Right. Well, this is where I suggested that we actually make a scientific out of it and try creating a hot avatar…
Jeff:
Yes, right, in the same outfit.
Casey:
This avatar system does not really let you get too hot, I don’t think.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
It lets you get to, like, not heinous…
Jeff:
Less creepy, right. Yes.
Casey:
Right?
Jeff:
Exactly.
Casey:
So we made a non-heinous avatar.
Jeff:
Also named “Jeff@RAD”.
Casey:
Also named “Jeff@RAD”. And we walked out into the world with this avatar…
Jeff:
And like [inaudible 65:45]
Casey:
And this time, it took much less time to actually get out into the world because we had already downloaded the content.
Jeff:
Pre-loaded it. Yeah.
Casey:
You might think that since we had downloaded it, we could just walk out there.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
But, no. It actually still has some bar of it loading off the hard drive or something.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
So 30 seconds later, we walk out into the world. And yes, we absolutely got hit on…
Jeff:
All of a sudden… Yeah…
Casey:
Plenty of dudes…
Jeff:
No chatting but, like…
Casey:
No chatting. Lots of dancing in place.
Jeff:
All that they can do in this world is dance. Like, we went to the movie theater, people were dancing in the rows in the movie theater. That’s all they do. The robot, the weird running man. They did all the action. They’re all doing it…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And we had tons of dudes dancing up on us.
Casey:
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Jeff:
Oh, they were all over us. And then, inspiration struck.
Casey:
This is where sort of chance favors the prepared, if you will.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
You know?
Jeff:
And that’s when you discovered that you can go back in the menu and change the avatar within the world…
Casey:
Without going back to your apartment.
Jeff:
Without going back to the apartment.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
And in fact, in place…
Casey:
Innovation. . .
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Which means we can now replace our ugly avatar…
Jeff:
No, our pretty avatar.
Casey:
I’m sorry, our pretty avatar with Folger’s Crystals in the middle of a dance…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
And see what happens.
Jeff:
The cycle of the dance doesn’t even break.
Casey:
No, it does not.
Jeff:
It’s the ugly-fication system, right?
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
And the best part of this was watching the delay between when they’re up dancing on the hot girl and then…
Casey:
’Til when they realize…
Jeff:
The beer goggles wear off… Blamo! It’s Dina.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And they’re dancing up on Dina.
Casey:
You get them with the [ training ]. Yep.
Jeff:
And then, they turn out… Now, we did have one dude, remember that, like…
Casey:
Kept on going.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Now, see, there’s a guy who loves you for who you are, okay.
Jeff:
Yes. But then, we took it up a notch again.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
So this guy really loves you for who you are. He loves “Jeff@RAD” pretty much.
Jeff:
Our next notch…
Casey:
To change it into a dude.
Jeff:
Just change it into a dude.
Casey:
An actual dude.
Jeff:
And this dude, he wasn’t attractive. He was a little…
Casey:
He wasn’t ugly.
Jeff:
He wasn’t, like…
Casey:
But he’s not a good looking guy. I would not consider him… We did not get a female opinion on this but I’m gonna have to go with not attractive.
Jeff:
That lowered the dancing delay, the DD time, down to usually a second or 2.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Some dude’s dancing up on you…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
We drop the dude on him.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
He turned away.
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
Except for the one dude that just kept going. What we didn’t know, however, is once we moved away from him, we finally said, “You know what, you’re too creepy even for us.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Our dude walks away. He’s still dancing in place and it was unclear whether he crashed.
Casey:
No, he was still changing… I don’t think… No, no, no, no…
Jeff:
When we walked away he was just running there.
Casey:
No, what I think could be a more plausible explanation is I don’t know how reliable the system is at propagating the avatar change.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
So I’m thinking maybe he’s still seeing the cute girl.
Jeff:
I see, and didn’t get the dude?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
This was awesome. Then, we started accosting people where, as the day, we go up dancing up on other dudes…
Casey:
Yeah, to see how they react to some Capitol Hill reaction.
Jeff:
Yep, and the guy in the movie…
Casey:
They did not like that.
Jeff:
They did not like that.
Casey:
No. This is obviously someone from….
Jeff:
I liked the dude that ran away from us and then tried to hide in the crowd. This was kind of a creepy thing after…
Casey:
You know what, how many terms of service violations do you think we racked up in, like, literally 15 minutes?
Jeff:
Half an hour in that play?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You know what, there was nothing to do in that world. This was, like, even…
Casey:
Well, you knew that going into it, though. Then you thought… Yeah.
Jeff:
Then I thought… And then in “Second Life”, it was like literally nothing…
Casey:
Well, “Second Life” has way more stuff than that. You can make shit in “Second Life”, right? You can make things.
Jeff:
Yeah, you know, this is really… PS3 “Home” is really the United States, if you think about it. In PS3 “Home”, all you can do is buy shit for you and your apartment…
Casey:
Yeah. It’s like “Fight Club”.
Jeff:
In “Second Life”, you can make stuff, right?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Now, the stuff you make might be shitty. It won’t be Sony, like, you don’t buy Sony headphones and the Sony branded TV’s and everything that you can buy. But at least you made something, right?
Casey:
Well, actually, Jeff, all of what you’re saying is conjecture, though. We never actually saw a place to buy. Like, somewhere in that world, there was probably a way to walk into a mall, I guess, but we never did that. So I don’t even know. Where’s the TV? I don’t know where you buy TV’s.
Jeff:
I don’t know where the TV is but you could buy the headphones because the headphone little things were in our little…
Casey:
But they were already there. You didn’t need to buy them. They were just there.
Jeff:
No, it was grayed out. I assume they were grayed out because we had to buy them.
Casey:
Oh, really?
Jeff:
Yeah, we had to buy them.
Casey:
I don’t know if that’s true. I think you might be falsifying that.
Jeff:
No, [inaudible 70:30]
Casey:
Really? Alright.
Jeff:
But they did have the Sony log on it, regardless.
Casey:
Oh, for sure. I’m sure the fucking underwear on our avatar had the Sony logo on it if she had underwear.
Jeff:
It was amazing how many people were there. Other than the [ griefing ] everybody that we were doing, I didn’t think there was 5 minutes of stuff to do.
Casey:
Dude, what you don’t know is that that’s probably all the people. Like, they probably didn’t actually have to have another Blade, right?
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
It’s one machine.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
So you saw all 75 people who were playing “Home” that night…
Jeff:
That is totally possible.
Casey:
And that was it.
Jeff:
Anyway, I recommend it. I was gasping for breath at times.
Casey:
Yes. Well, the avatar switching was making me laugh so hard…
Jeff:
Oh, it’s good stuff.
Casey:
To see people’s reactions…
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
It’s good stuff. It’s amazing that you could get through body language that wasn’t even the body language of, like…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
If we’re choosing awkward…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
[inaudible 71:30]
Casey:
But it still [ resolved it ]. Yeah.
Jeff:
It was awesome. Yeah.
Casey:
Exactly.
Jeff:
Yes. They didn’t…
Casey:
“Man, I gotta stop drinking so much,” was what it felt…
Jeff:
They didn’t select uncomfortable homophobic…
Casey:
Right, no. But you had it.
Jeff:
But yet, they were there.
Casey:
Yeah, that’s like humans are able to puppeteer naturally, in some sense.
Jeff:
Yep. It came through. Anyway, I think that’s going to about do it because we’re running close on time.
Casey:
I agree with you.
Jeff:
Yes. And I want to let everybody know to send us an email. Do you want to say the address because I’m gonna say it wrong?
Casey:
Yes, well, you can send us an email at Podcast@JeffAndCaseyShow.com.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Or you can telephone Sean Barrett at 425-296-3012 and leave him your message for the next podcast which he will relay to… Well, he will put it on the air.
Jeff:
And we got a review on iTunes. Give us some more of those. If you do review…
Casey:
What did they say? “Fabulous show. Great job, guys?”
Jeff:
It was good. Yeah, it was a 5-star…
Casey:
Or was he like, “Wow, I don’t know what I think about this show…”
Jeff:
We have 2 reviews. They’re both 5 stars.
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
I know it’s a pain in the ass. You have to, like, search for it…
Casey:
Basically, what you’re saying is we’re 5 stars.
Jeff:
We are 5 stars.
Casey:
What if there’s a link on the Jeff & Casey Show episode page to the… Does that not work?
Jeff:
Okay. No, I haven’t tried it. Ok, yes. You can go there and then… You have to log in. It’s a pain in the ass. But if you do it, then I think you’ll find it and then that will be good.
Casey:
Okay. You gotta type in a password or something? Okay.
Jeff:
Yeah, you have to…
Casey:
Can the iPhone rate?
Jeff:
If you didn’t have to log in, I would’ve already given ourselves, like, 500 reviews, right?
Casey:
Oh, that’s a good point. Right, that’s a good point. Right. You would’ve self-rated.
Jeff:
I’ve considered, like, how many accounts can I make if I wrote a little strip.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
But no. These are 2 good reviews.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Give us some more ‘cos that gets people to watch. And thank you for the Zohan. Oh, my God.
Casey:
Ryan Ellis.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Coming through, as always, with the links and album merch.
Jeff:
Yeah, the merch.
Casey:
It does look just like you.
Jeff:
No, it doesn’t.
Casey:
Alright, dude.
Jeff:
Alright, thanks, everybody. And we will see you next week.
Casey:
Awesome. Take it easy.
Casey:
You know, I forgot to say this, by the way. I should’ve said this when I was ranting about it is that in the show, in the middle of the show, because the audience doesn’t obviously know probably very much about dolphins, right? I mean, why would they? Maybe if they watched the A&E Special or something or the Nature Channel or Discovery Channel special on dolphins, they're gonna know. But in general, they're not gonna know. So they figure, “Oh, we gotta insert dolphin training materials into this show…
Jeff:
Instructions to, like…
Casey:
Right. So people understand…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
What’s going on with the dolphin, right? So they have, like, real dolphin facts in there, I guess to sort of explain what’s going on like the part about finding the pod. They’re like, “Dolphins each have a unique click,” which is probably all true. But what I don’t understand is the dolphin if fucking talking, generating riddles, finding cures to unknown bacterial diseases and you felt the need to explain to me the fact that they have unique clicks. Like, if I bought into that, you gotta buy on the fucking unique click thing, dude. You don’t gotta convince me of that. Why would you think you need to put in something to convince me of that? I have no idea.
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
Right?
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
They can fucking light a rocket in its ass, like have a secret mechanical rocket built into it and you’re like… That wouldn’t surprise me less than some of the shit that this dolphin was doing on the show.
Jeff:
Stop it.
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casey muratori
the jeff and casey show - season 1 - episode 47
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