Blog
Bio
The Technician
No Imperfections Noted
The Jeff and Casey Show
Jeff and Casey Time
Casey Muratori
Seattle, WA
Oil, Coffee, and Corsets
"So, Blu-ray is Satan's Flo-Max?"
Original air date: December 16th, 2008
Topics. Breast giveaway. Guiness World Record. Microsoft clothing. Vista advertisements. I’m a PC. Windows Mojave. Racial desktop. Spread goat ass. iPhone music video. The worst rap song. Whopper virgins. Copyright. Wikipedia. The Entertainment Software Association. The C Team. Creamy ranch dipping sauce. Electronic Arts. iPhone. DRM site closure timeline. Google Video. Sony Connect. PlaysForSure. PlaysForShit. Blu-Ray. Sucking Satan’s Cock. Macrovision. Red State vs. Blue State. Good/No good. Celebrity baby names. Renaissance fairs. Civil war reenactments. Medieval cleavage. People in parking lots. Bathroom stall allocation.
Subscribe. If you’d like to have the latest episode of The Jeff and Casey Show delivered fresh to your computer every Monday, you can check out our list of RSS feeds and other subscription options here.
Transcript
Jeff:
Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Jeff & Casey Show.
Casey:
Hello, welcome to the Jeff & Casey Show, featuring Sean Barrett.
Jeff:
That’s right.
Casey:
Sean, you have to say something. We gave you a mic for the…
Sean:
I was about to. Then, Jeff jumped over me and I just fucking…
Jeff:
Get used to that. Get used to that.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Take your mic time when you can get it.
Casey:
Well, if you’re able to figure out how to get a word in here, we will be hearing from Sean Barrett, possibly at some point later in the podcast.
Sean:
Maybe.
Casey:
Maybe.
Sean:
Yes.
Jeff:
But there is a mic on him. So now, he can say things.
Casey:
Exactly.
Jeff:
This is episode 43. And it’s December 14th? I think?
Casey:
Are you intentionally nowhere near the center of your microphone? Is that just like, you’re just like, “Hey, let’s do it that way.”
Jeff:
I’m a little…
Casey:
This is the first time where this podcast basically right now… If you’re actually hearing my voice, something has gone horribly right…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Because this is the first time we’re actually trying to record 3 microphones at once through Reaper which is like fucking voodoo chicken recording software, like, God only knows… Sean played with this thing for a fucking hour and finally figured out that you have to switch to ASIO or something.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And now, it’s actually working. But before that, it was totally hopeless.
Jeff:
Yep. But we have 3 and it’s gonna be… It’s awesome that it took a while to figure out that when it said first and last, it wasn’t asking us to choose one of 2 values. We were entering the first and the last inputs we were considering to use, right.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So we had to say, “1st of one, last of 3”…
Casey:
Yeah…
Jeff:
That… This implied…
Casey:
But what do you think it was saying?
Sean:
Let me clarify this. On the preferences…
Casey:
Okay.
Sean:
Where you could select your inputs…
Casey:
Yeah.
Sean:
There were 2 combo boxes.
Casey:
Okay.
Sean:
But instead of being like 2 inputs that you were selecting…
Casey:
Yeah.
Sean:
You were selecting the range by specifying the 1st input you want it to allow and the last input allowed…
Casey:
Okay.
Sean:
Then on the actual [inaudible 2:25] screen you could now select from the range that you would specify in the preferences panel…
Casey:
So it’s strictly something to restrict the options so that it’s not too confusing for you in the future, is that the idea?
Sean:
It was pretty clear that they had designed it to allow stereo input on the preferences page…
Casey:
I see.
Sean:
And so, they had to figure out how… If you could only specify 2 inputs on the preferences page, how they could still allow more than 2 inputs.
Casey:
While I appreciate your explanation, it’s kind of moot because this probably will never…
Jeff:
Get heard…
Casey:
Get aired because there’s no…
Sean:
Exactly…
Casey:
Like, it’s just gonna be a bunch of noise or something or it won’t be saved…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Or the machine will crash or God knows what the fuck…
Sean:
Well, you’re kind of assuming there’s gonna be all these reaper problems. And I think the reality here is we’re not gonna use this because it’s a crappy thing…
Casey:
It’s entirely possible…
Jeff:
And we’d probably do a new take.
Casey:
Right. That also assumes that there is a quality bar on the Jeff & Casey Show that if something were below it, we would not air it when in fact, the only time we don't air something is for time constraints. Let's be honest here.
Jeff:
We have no quality bar.
Casey:
There is no quality bar.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You can step over a child. An 8-year old child could easy walk over the quality bar. Would not even have to straddle.
Jeff:
I prefer to think that we are just so good that everything we say is gold…
Casey:
Is gold?
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
But that may not be true.
Casey:
Well, let’s move right on to our first gold item which is actually a follow up from last seeks.
Jeff:
Oh, okay. Tell me.
Casey:
I know everyone has been in suspense about what happened to the 130,000 inflatable breasts…
Jeff:
Oh, right, right, right, okay.
Casey:
That were lost at sea…
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
And ladies and gentlemen, Sean Barrett… The eagle-eyed Sean Barrett watching the news for any information about the whereabouts of the breasts…
Jeff:
Like “Where’s Waldo”, only with breasts. Sean went there.
Casey:
A raincoat emblazoned Sean Barrett, standing atop a lighthouse with binoculars, tirelessly, taking only the shortest amount of sleep time per night…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Drinking coffee, sacrificing his own well-being until the breasts were found… Found out what happened to the breasts…
Jeff:
And what was that?
Casey:
Well, apparently, they were loaded on to the wrong barge.
Jeff:
Oh, okay.
Casey:
So they ended up somewhere else…
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Also in New Zealand. It was not a big deal but it’s just they lost track of the breasts.
Jeff:
What if it’s at a children’s school. Like, they just open it, expecting number 2 pencils and then… This is not appropriate,
Casey:
Right. But they’re deflated.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So they’re getting a bunch of deflated breasts.
Jeff:
They look like fried eggs or something.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. It’s like, “Just like my teacher’s,” you know, it’s like…
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
Whatever. But anyway, point being the breasts were found. And apparently… So the magazine was gonna give away these. Those of you, I’m sure, are familiar with last week’s podcast… The magazine was supposed to send out either one or a pair of (we were unable to find that out, it was not specific)… Either one or a pair of breasts…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
With each of the holiday issues of this Ralph’s Magazine which I guess is not something you see in the US. It must be a New Zealand or Australia… It was a men’s magazine and obviously, we would know about it, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
’Cos we have the market cornered on that shit. You go to the 7/11 all the time. You must be like, “Oh, yeah, Ralph’s, that’s my favorite one. It’s the 3rd row from the back.” Anyway, point being, one or two of these breast with each magazine. And the concern was that they would not have been able to do that if the breasts could not be located or if they were water-logged.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
They’re just swollen with seawater or there’s a fucking snail making a home there…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
One of those hermit crabs, they’re like, “Oh, this is fabulous. I can just wear this around. It’s no problem.”
Jeff:
They have write it off.
Casey:
Yeah. It’s perfect.
Jeff:
Write it off as a loss.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. I had to write off 130,000 breasts this year. What do you have to write off?
Jeff:
Right, exactly.
Casey:
But they were found. And so now… And I know this was something you were concerned about, Jeff. Now, they are back on track to break the Guinness World Record for most boobs given away at one time.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Now, let me be clear about this. It did not say that they were on track for the most boobs given away.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
They did not say that. It said, “the most boobs given away at one time”.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Which implies to me that 130,000 isn’t in the ballpark for most boobs of all time, I guess, like with no time limit.
Jeff:
Right. That’s held by Pamela Anderson and her many husbands. And that’s a growing number. Now, here’s the thing that upset me about that, and it did upset me, was that what is the bar for an event that goes in the Guinness Book of World Records? Because they’re obviously the only people that have given away any inflatable breasts, right?
Casey:
Apparently not.
Jeff:
Well, can you just make up some event?
Casey:
Yes, I think that… Yes.
Jeff:
Like, I’m the person that’s gonna say “Lalalala” the longest?
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
And you could get in?
Casey:
I think that’s basically it.
Jeff:
This is the worst… Like, Guinness Book of World Records used to be awesome. I’d read about it. You’d read about the man who smoked all the cigarettes. You’d read about the fat twins that would jump over things on their motorcycle…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And now, it’s… I mean, the bar has been lowered so much, much like testing of our college students and our high school students…
Casey:
Jeff, are you fucking kidding me?
Jeff:
Yeah, there’s no mystique to these records anymore. I’m not impressed. That’s why their readership is going down is because nobody is impressed.
Casey:
See, here’s the thing.
Jeff:
I would like a picture of your face right now, which is kind of sour.
Casey:
I’m so droopy right now.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
The Guinness Book of World Records is just an arbiter of shit that no one gives a fuck about.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
That’s what they are. So yes, if nobody ever came to them and said, “You know what, we gave away the most breasts,” then they wouldn’t have an entry. But if someone comes and says, “We gave away the most breasts,” they’re like, “Yes, you did,” until someone comes up and goes, “No, we gave away more breasts,” and then they determine if you did or not. That’s what they’re there for. They’re kind of like the referee…
Jeff:
You’re saying they’re a reflection of our times…
Casey:
For the Who-Gives-A-Shit Olympics, right, that’s what they are.
Jeff:
No, the old ones used to be awesome. There’s nothing awesome about that.
Casey:
They’ve never been awesome.
Jeff:
No. They were.
Casey:
They’ve never been awesome.
Jeff:
You remember in the mid-80’s when they had to stop… Like, they said, “No, we’re not gonna do any more records.” And I can’t remember the exact wording they used for “hurting yourself” because too many people were doing it. Like…
Casey:
Self-mutilation?
Jeff:
For breaking your legs the most times, right? Fuck the dog the absolute most. Backed into the dog, you know…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Most times in an hour…
Casey:
Sweden has a lock on it.
Jeff:
Right. So they came out and publicly said there’s no more of that action.
Casey:
It’s like, Donkey Man in the Guinness Book of World Records…
Jeff:
Not anymore. He got yanked.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So… That’s the word.
Casey:
Could you put a rimshot over that in Reaper? Is there a way you can put a rimshot in over that?
Jeff:
I’m just saying the Guinness Book of World Records sucks nowadays. It didn’t used to. It used to be awesome.
Casey:
I agree with you up to the part where you said “nowadays”.
Jeff:
No. It was awesome.
Casey:
If you just get rid of “nowadays” in that sentence, we’re totally on. So, I have to say that, like… I thought Star Wars was cool as a kid. I don’t much care for it now, for example. There’s things like that where it’s like, I remember clearly that I was really into this just like everyone else when I was a kid. The Guinness Book of World Records, I never had that problem. I was never like, “Oh, cool, the Guinness Book of World Records.” I never gave a shit about it then and I double don’t give a shit about it now.
Jeff:
Do you know about the fat twins that rode the motorcycles? Do you remember those guys?
Casey:
I could not give a flying fuck about fat twins…
Jeff:
But do you remember that?
Casey:
So, let me tell you something right now. I just figured it out. I just fucking figured out what it is. YouTube is the Guinness Book of World Records of today.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
It’s the stupid shit that you forward around, like, “Check it out, some dude fucking built this thing that he can jump 12 logs on his Segway,” or something. That’s what it is now.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
It’s the stupid shit that only you care about…
Jeff:
No, the awesome stuff…
Casey:
You and millions of other people who used to read the Guinness Book of World Records.
Jeff:
No, I don’t like it anymore because they used to have standards and now, they’ve just thrown them out the window. Now, it’s No Good. The Guinness Book of World Records of today is No Good.
Casey:
Oh, I see what you’re saying. So it’s like, “Wait, that cat didn’t really look all the way at the camera. It’s only supposed to be for ‘cat looks at camera’…”
Jeff:
Yeah. Like…
Casey:
This sucks. Yeah, okay.
Jeff:
He wasn’t acting in the moment is the problem.
Casey:
Right. You didn’t capture the… [inaudible 10:57]
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
Did we ever find out what the [inaudible 11:02] was? Oh, it was… We looked it up. I remember this. Sean and I were talking about the [inaudible 11:06] and what the fuck that means. We looked it up and it was this term that had 8,000 definitions. And it basically is just, like, stuff that’s in the scene was the only thing you could really say is a textbook definition of it. But there’s tons of shit.
Jeff:
I just ignored that whole conversation.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Alright. Do you have anything else you want to say about The Guinness Book of World Records and breasts?
Jeff:
Nope, they can suck my dick. That’s all I have to say.
Casey:
Is there a record for that?
Jeff:
Probably.
Sean:
The number of times that…
Casey:
Yeah, that you have invited something to suck your dick and it did not?
Jeff:
Damn it.
Casey:
This is very high?
Jeff:
I was excited for a minute. That’s a great record to have and then it went awry.
Casey:
Yeah, and then it went wrong right at the last second.
Jeff:
Yeah, I didn’t like that.
Casey:
Right? Alright, well, let me move on to something that I think has the potential to be much cooler than the Guinness Book of World Records.
Sean:
I don’t think there’s anything that’s cooler than the Guinness Book of World Records.
Casey:
Sean, that’s because I haven’t told you what the next link is yet.
Sean:
I don’t believe you.
Casey:
“Microsoft to Push Cool Factor with Retro-Inspired Clothing Line”.
Jeff:
Yeah, I remember this one.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Yep. Their t-shirts that they call “Software”.
Casey:
I’m gonna go ahead and show Sean because I don’t know if he’s seen it. That’s a DOS t-shirt that you’re looking at there, Sean.
Jeff:
MS-DOS.
Casey:
Do you like that? An MS-DOS t-shirt.
Sean:
Is that an actual logo from back in the day?
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
You know, I have no idea.
Jeff:
It is.
Casey:
That’s a very good question.
Jeff:
Yep, it is. That’s the old DOS logo.
Casey:
Wait, their artistic talents have certainly not improve. But they also did not degrade. They’ve basically been at the same level of incompetence ever since MS-DOS. Wow. Okay, well, anyway, the idea here is that part of the whole remaking of Microsoft public image which I guess was the “I’m a PC” ads and these sorts of things where they were trying to, like… You know, I don’t know. I’m gonna come right out here and say I don’t know what they were trying.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
I mean, I’ve seen the ads. I saw the Jerry Seinfeld-Bill Gates thing. I have no idea… Like, all it did was reconfirm the fact that they’re not cool. I don’t know what they thought they were gonna accomplish with that.
Jeff:
And the Vista ads… And again, we’ve talked about this before. The Vista ads were basically like “You’ve been Punked” and just saying how stupid you are for not liking Vista, right?
Casey:
Oh, you mean the one that was like… The Mohave? Windows Mohave where they showed someone Vista and said it was a new version of Windows?
Jeff:
Yeah. And then was like, “Ha ha ha, it’s not.”
Casey:
It turns out it’s… Yeah.
Jeff:
Yeah, it still sucks just as much as it used to! Gotcha!
Casey:
Well…
Jeff:
And then they had all these people that were like, “Yeah, I really like it.” And the reasons were just asinine.
Casey:
It was really ridiculous.
Jeff:
Go listen to those videos. It’s pretty awesome.
Casey:
Yeah, those videos were ridiculous. They showed people who were, like, “Wow, that calculator’s really cool.” Like, what?
Jeff:
Yeah, the screen’s really brown.
Casey:
Yeah, that dude was like, all dressed in brown and he was like, “I really like how brown it is.”
Jeff:
Yep. And he was brown. I remember he was Black…
Casey:
Was he?
Jeff:
Yes. That’s why I said…
Casey:
What are you talking about?
Jeff:
That’s why I said I can’t believe that they made his screen brown when he was brown. And it’s like you want to…
Casey:
You mean you think they played the race card? They were like…
Jeff:
They played the race desktop…
Casey:
“Windows Vista is great for minorities of all kind.”
Jeff:
I have no idea.
Casey:
“Here, let me switch it to the Asian desktop.” Do you think that was what was happening in there?
Jeff:
No, I have no idea.
Casey:
So you think that, like, you bring up the Swedish localized version and there’s just, like, a fucking goat ass, like just a spread goat ass as the backdrop?
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
And they’re like, “Wow, this is even better than I thought it was gonna be.”
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
“Mohave’s awesome.”
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
“I’m gonna name my next pet dog Mohave.”
Jeff:
Well, they call all this clothing “Software” which just…
Casey:
Nice.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Yeah, that underscores the coolness.
Jeff:
Yeah, which is like… Yeah.
Casey:
That reminds me. A friend of mine sent me this video that was, like, “The First Music Video Shot on an iPhone” was the headline.
Jeff:
Oh, brother…
Casey:
And it was… I guess it must’ve been using some kind of Linux jailbroken thing because the regular iPhone can’t record video…
Jeff:
Doesn’t video…
Casey:
So, I mean, I don’t know what they were doing there. I’m assuming they weren’t using any kind of built-in app. But, I don’t know. Point being, it was a rap song… It was the worst rap song that I have ever heard. And I’ve heard Nerd Core. So I’ve heard some of the previous holders of that. Like, the Guinness Book of World Records could step in here and officiate…
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
The rap featured something like “shout out to my boys at CNET or something”…
Jeff:
Goddamn it.
Casey:
You can’t… That doesn’t work, okay. CNET cannot be in a rap song. I don’t care who the fuck you are. I don’t care how bad-ass you are as a rapper. You cannot pull off CNET.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
I mean, I can’t think of one. I don’t know. You know rap better than I do, Jeff, certainly. But I don’t care who you are…
Jeff:
CNET could come up a whole lot, though.
Casey:
I don’t care who you are. CNET is just not gonna roll.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It’s really not. I don’t see how that’s gonna work.
Jeff:
Download.com…
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. Exactly.
Jeff:
Awesome.
Casey:
“I’m down with Ziff Davis.”
Jeff:
“He’s my homie.” Oh, no. It’s killing me.
Casey:
Dr. Dre… Dr. DOS…
Jeff:
I don’t like any of the Software action. They have DOS. They have a whole bunch of the old stuff with their old logos on shitty t-shirts…
Casey:
So are they just saying, like, “Well, we know we’re not cool now but were we cool back then, by any chance? Does anyone like us before?”
Jeff:
“Do you think we’re cool? Has the subject kicked in?”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Like, do you remember when Windows used to crash even more than it does now?
Casey:
Do you remember when you used to have to fuck with your Config.sys to get shit to run? That was awesome.
Jeff:
Yeah, Config.sys rules.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Do you remember EMM memory?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And like, EMM386.sys?
Casey:
Yeah, and that was good stuff.
Jeff:
That was awesome. Like, at least then, when your machine [ hosed ], you could blame it on yourself, right? Like, “Oh, I must’ve done something wrong in my Config.sys.” Nowadays, it boots. And if it fucks up, you know you can blame Microsoft. So at least in the old version…
Casey:
But you could still blame Microsoft.
Jeff:
But, no, the old version’s like… It was probably still Microsoft’s fault…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
But you still felt some, like, “Oh, man. It must’ve been that CD-ROM driver I loaded in…”
Casey:
Well, you have to ask yourself a question, how… Like, the C-Compiler, right, like Wacom, came with the thing that could run in protected memory so that you could [ access the operating ] system and somehow, the operating system, for 5 years after this fact, could not do it. Every application was bundled with something that could use protected memory except the operating system.
Jeff:
Well, you know…
Casey:
How hard is it?
Jeff:
You don’t want to go crazy. These things have little steps…
Casey:
Yeah, I know. It’s like one guy wrote the DOS extender. They couldn’t find anyone at Microsoft who could figure out how to do it? How hard was that?
Jeff:
That was awesome.
Casey:
I guess because they were all working on Windows…
Jeff:
Whatever…
Casey:
Something… I don’t know what.
Jeff:
Who knows? 3.0? That was the first one that came out but…
Casey:
I have no idea. I have no fucking idea.
Jeff:
I’m buying you one of those t-shirts for Christmas, Casey.
Casey:
Yeah, I’m not wearing that, actually…
Jeff:
Damn it.
Casey:
I will not be wearing that t-shirt. But thanks for… You know, it’s not the thought that counts because all you’re thinking of is mean thoughts right there. There’s no positive thought that counts there. Okay, so do we move on from that or do you have other things that you want to say about the wonders of Microsoft?
Jeff:
No, moving on.
Casey:
Yeah, you just want to wash that shirt?
Jeff:
Yeah, I’m, like, sleepwalking. So, yeah…
Casey:
You haven’t got much in you. Should I just do this podcast by myself, basically?
Jeff:
Just keep it rolling. No lulls.
Casey:
Next item on the agenda is… Well, okay. This is actually a problem, now that I realize that.
Jeff:
What?
Casey:
I can’t step in here. You have something written down that I don’t know anything about.
Jeff:
Tell me.
Casey:
Your friend, Bryan Curnie…
Jeff:
Oh, right. Yes.
Casey:
Had a problem with our Whopper story…
Jeff:
That was just the Whopper Virgins. He had not listened to the main podcast.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
But he noticed on the bonus feed, Whopper Virgins.
Casey:
Wait, he subscribes to the bonus feed but not the main podcast?
Jeff:
I think he’s on both and he was just not worried about the podcast…
Casey:
Okay. He’s looking for a little snippet?
Jeff:
And then, that one just showed up as Whopper Virgin and he was like, “Oh, that’s kind of interesting…”
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
“I want to see a story about fat virgins,” which is what he thought it was about.
Casey:
Okay. He did not know that it was Whopper__ Virgins, with a circle around it kind of a thing?
Jeff:
Exactly.
Casey:
I see. Someone who has not played an Electronic Arts title in quite some time, it sounds like.
Jeff:
Apparently, yes.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
He’s not familiar with the merger that happened years ago…
Casey:
Exactly. If he does not know that Whopper has a big old R next to it… If the first thing he thinks of when he hears “whopper” is fat and not delicious burger from Burger King…
Jeff:
Flame broiled?
Casey:
There is a problem with the marketing.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Someone’s “Need for Speed Underground” car ass did not have a big enough bumper sticker striped across it…
Jeff:
That’s exactly right.
Casey:
Or some fucking running back shirt in “Madden” did not have a giant enough burger sign on the back of it.
Jeff:
But then, I was thinking, we did have kind of the Whopper Virgin part a couple weeks ago about the retail establishment I went to. And there were all the babes and then the one whopper at the end where you had “babe, babe, babe, babe, whopper”…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So we almost…
Casey:
And that was when you wouldn’t tell me where it was but I figured it out.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But I couldn’t tell the listeners because you were embarrassed.
Jeff:
Right. So he said that…
Casey:
None of the listeners figured it out, did they? We never received any email that said, like, “Oh, I know what Casey figured out and it’s ‘blah’.”
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
So no one ever figured it out but me.
Sean:
Well, I did figure it out, too…
Casey:
Oh, okay.
Sean:
Except I was there in the podcast so…
Casey:
Oh, okay. Fair enough. Yeah.
Jeff:
So all I was gonna say is he, in reading that “Whopper Virgin” title thought he knew what it was about because he does listen to the podcast and he’s like, “That’s something exactly like they talk about.”
Casey:
We would absolutely but it wasn’t. It didn’t happen to be that.
Jeff:
Yeah. So that’s how good or coverage of the world is. You can actually get confused on our topics list because we cover such a wide base of things.
Casey:
Eclectic.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Diverse.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Embarrassing.
Casey:
Or potpourri, if you’re 80.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
Anyway, that’s all I wanted to bring up is the little confusion.
Casey:
Alright, well, good. That’s the last thing that I needed you for. And now, we can pretty much take it over. So, next item up on the docket, lot # 147, if you will…
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
And this is our fault. This is the Entertainment Software Association is responsible for this ridiculousness…
Jeff:
Alright…
Casey:
The Entertainment Software Association, which of course is kind of a group of publishers…
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Not necessarily developers but, you know…
Jeff:
They’re somebody that sues people when they copy games or something?
Casey:
You know what, who the fuck knows what they do? I have no idea what they do. Obviously, I’m not a member.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Point being, the Entertainment Software Association has decided that the youth of today just does not have a healthy enough respect for copyright.
Jeff:
Oh, okay.
Casey:
Does not have a healthy enough respect for it.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Wanton disregard for copyright, Jeff.
Jeff:
They’re reading…
Casey:
Do you see what I’m saying to you?
Jeff:
They’re reading knock-off versions of the Guinness Book of World Records…
Casey:
Exactly…
Jeff:
“Guinnes” with one S…
Casey:
Who the hell knows? Cutting and pasting their book report from Wikipedia. Cutting and pasting their book report into Wikipedia. Who knows?
Jeff:
Yeah, okay.
Casey:
Who knows what’s going on? The riots in the streets… It’s just…
Jeff:
These kids today…
Casey:
Never mind the fact that the kids know how to use their computers probably better than the teachers do, and that should probably be raising some questions there about who’s teaching who what…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But, you know, the point being the Entertainment Software Association has decided that the best way to get across to kids, right, who already think large trade organizations like the Entertainment Software Association are super cool, I bet…
Jeff:
Right, obviously…
Casey:
Obviously…
Jeff:
Right. I bought their t-shirts.
Casey:
Oh, absolutely. I’m sure there’s tons of kids going around, like… When they ask, like, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” They’re like, “I want to work for the Entertainment Software Association.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“I want to be a suit for the Entertainment Software Association.”
Jeff:
Fubu jeans and ESA t-shirts…
Casey:
Right, yeah. “I want to wear a hoodie and look really uncomfortable and dress like J Allard does or something.” Like, that’s what they’re gonna say, right?
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
And so, they put up this website with a huge set of classroom materials. And it’s called, “Join the C Team”.
Jeff:
Okay, it’s like Aquaman, the Sea. They go out to, you know, take care of the ocean.
Casey:
No. Join the C team where C is like the copyright C.
Jeff:
Oh, dear. Yeah, that’s…
Casey:
Now, if it wasn’t cool enough that it’s the Entertainment Software Association, which already means…
Jeff:
Pretty darn cool…
Casey:
It’s not cool because no one’s ever fucking heard of them and no one cares, right? Kids are like, “Oh, it’s Michael Jordan,” or whoever the fuck basketball players are today…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I mean, it’s probably not him anymore, right? It’s like, “No, no, no. The Entertainment Software Association is way cooler than that.”
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
“Like, I can name all the board members.”
Jeff:
Yep, exactly.
Casey:
“They’re fucking awesome.”
Jeff:
“They’re whack.”
Casey:
If that wasn’t cool enough, instead of calling it the A Team or the B Team, they called it the C Team.
Jeff:
C Team, yep… Love that.
Casey:
Like, everyone knows what the C Team is. The C Team is when you’re trying to exaggerate how bad something is because saying something is the B Team means it was the shitty people, right?
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
If you say the C Team, you’re trying to say that it was even shittier than the shitty people you normally associated with the 2nd string, right? They’re people who never actually play. They never get put in the game, right?
Jeff:
Well, they probably named it that because, due to legal advice, they said, “Make sure you don’t lie in this at all.” So it’s technically accurate.
Casey:
No, they were probably like…
Jeff:
’Cos they’re all the shittiest people.
Casey:
“Okay, ‘Join the A Team’.” They’re like, “Sorry, A Team’s copyrighted,” of course, because that was the TV show.
Jeff:
Right, I can’t use it. Yes.
Casey:
So, they can’t use that, right?
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Why they couldn’t use “Join the B Team,” I don’t know.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
I mean, maybe there’s someone else who has that. I’m not sure. But C Team apparently was available…
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Off we go. Ironically enough, “Join the C Team”, not a trademarked slogan.
Jeff:
They didn’t bother…
Casey:
They did not TM that. They did not SM that.
Jeff:
I think they’re pretty safe. I don’t think anybody’s really gonna rip that off.
Casey:
I think you’re right.
Jeff:
I think they’re okay.
Casey:
Anyway, this website is a complete load of horseshit.
Jeff:
No, it’s awesome.
Casey:
It’s totally out of control, right? It’s basically got a bunch of workshop kinds of things you do with your class where you, like, ask them about whether or not it’s okay to do shit like… I mean, all the way down to, like, you have a copy of your book report. And should you copy the book report on to someone else’s computer so that they can look at your book report…
Jeff:
Goddamn it…
Casey:
And they’re like, “First of all, you should know that your book report is copyrighted by you. And so, only if you want them to have a copy of the book report,” or whatever, right? They’re like that. But then, they’re also like, “But your book report also probably included copies of other people’s copyrighted material when it was used in quotes. And duplicating that material is also illegal if it’s not for classroom use.” I’m like, “You people are the reason why we won’t have any protection for authors in the future,” because people will be like, “You guys don’t fucking deserve it because you’re all a bunch of assholes.”
Jeff:
Right. Yep.
Casey:
Right? It’s like, “I’m sorry but the dudes duplicating your shit in a street corner in Hong Kong, I’m on their side now.”
Jeff:
Well, you hope that’s what happens. Yes.
Casey:
Right? “Normally, I would not be but you guys are so fucked up. You don’t understand how the world works at all.”
Jeff:
The only thing is this site, while being obvious propaganda, is the worst propaganda in the world.
Casey:
It’s actually in our favor, in some sense, yeah.
Jeff:
Right. That’s the one good part…
Casey:
Exactly.
Jeff:
The videos and the songs and shit are so bad that everyone just rolls their eyes and goes back to copying their stuff.
Casey:
Wait. Songs? They have songs in there?
Jeff:
They have a whole bunch of crap in the media section.
Casey:
Oh, dude. I have not seen that. That sounds awesome.
Jeff:
The songs is just a section that talks about what you can do with music, right?
Casey:
Oh, okay. Yeah, I got you. Which is nothing, apparently, yeah.
Jeff:
Remember, these are not creative people. None of these people have ever made something worthy of copyright protection at all in their life.
Casey:
Yeah, right. Excellent. Good point. Including this site…
Jeff:
Including this site…
Casey:
Which they absolutely do not need to copyright.
Jeff:
Yeah. Just scumbags, right? Just people making the world worse. And then, like, the only thing that I have to say about that is at least the propaganda is so bad that it won’t work on anybody.
Casey:
Yeah, this site could be called “Copyright Backfire” or something like that.
Jeff:
Right. Yeah, exactly.
Casey:
Well, I don’t understand. At some point, they should teach kids about the constitution and how copyright’s not in it. And it just comes from a phrase that says in order to promote the arts and sciences… So it’s like, “Hey, guess what, if it’s not actually promoting that, it’s technically not constitutional.” So, think about that a little bit when you go to copy whatever the fuck it is you want to copy.
Jeff:
And then do it anyway?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And tell them the Jeff & Casey Show said you could.
Casey:
No. Because the Jeff & Casey Show and anything we say on here is Copyright 2008 by Jeff & Casey.
Jeff:
Oh, okay.
Casey:
And if you quote from our fucking show…
Jeff:
We’re gonna sue the shit out of you.
Casey:
We’re gonna sue the living shit out of you.
Jeff:
Yep. We’re gonna bring down a world of pain.
Casey:
Because every time you quote from this show, that’s somebody who might not purchase our show online.
Jeff:
Right, exactly. We’re losing out.
Casey:
We’re losing real revenue.
Jeff:
Massive ad Dollars from Burger King.
Casey:
Right, they may not watch the cool ads that are up on the Jeff & Casey Show website.
Jeff:
That’s right.
Casey:
Absolutely.
Jeff:
No beef. No cash.
Casey:
Ad for such quality products as Burger King New Barbecue Ranch Dipping Sauce.
Jeff:
It’s delicious.
Casey:
Absolutely. Get yours today, in the real world or in any Electronic Arts-branded Barbecue Ranch Dipping Sauce multiplayer online experience.
Jeff:
It’s just… The whole thing is so retarded. I don’t…
Casey:
Or dial RANCH on your mobile telephones…
Jeff:
Right. And you’ll get…
Casey:
Text “RANCH” to Electronic Arts…
Jeff:
Exactly.
Casey:
And get back a little fucking ringtone that says, like, “Barbecue ranch…”
Jeff:
No, it’ll be a spore creature that you can download.
Casey:
Oh, that you can dip?
Sean:
Have you put up the store, yet? The Jeff & Casey Show store with the Good/No Good t-shirts and…
Casey:
No, we haven’t, actually. That’s a very good idea. Where’s the Jeff & Casey Show merch? Where's the merch?
Jeff:
Well, I think it’s just because we haven’t yet decided to totally bend everyone over. The only thing we ever got, merchandise-wise, is something someone else made for us…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Because we’re too lazy to do anything ourselves.
Casey:
I think I know who it was.
Jeff:
You do?
Casey:
I think it was Jonathan Blow.
Jeff:
You think it was Jonathan Blow?
Casey:
The reason I think it was is because he was asking questions about it.
Jeff:
Oh…
Casey:
Suspicious questions.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
He asked if we ever looked at the return mailing address on the package and stuff like this.
Jeff:
Ah, I see.
Casey:
So, I don’t know. Why is he so curious?
Jeff:
The big problem with that is a lot of the packaging had been discarded by the time the shirts got in my office…
Casey:
Uh-huh…
Jeff:
Because most of my stuff is opened up at the front desk and then brought back here eventually. So I got the t-shirts and a packing slip that had no info on it.
Casey:
You should probably fire everyone responsible for that, given that you run this company.
Jeff:
Yes. Goddamn it. We need to know…
Casey:
Everyone who’s responsible for discarding the packages of the mystery t-shirts is fired.
Jeff:
And they’re gonna say, “What t-shirts?” And then, yeah…
Casey:
It doesn’t matter. You can fire them anyway.
Jeff:
Alright. Get busy.
Casey:
It’s like, “In that case, I fire everyone.”
Jeff:
So, the whole thing about copyright and then locking it down so that people can’t copy it and all that…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It’s just so completely pointless, right? It’s like, you don’t need to educate people in copyright. You just need to make a product that’s good enough that people want their own copy of it. Then you don’t need any of the rest of this shit, right?
Casey:
Or here’s another thing, actually, which is sort of more to the point is oftentimes, there’s sort of a conflation of two things. Sometimes, people steal shit like that or they…You know, like if they’re gonna make copy of some music or something like that… I mean, sometimes, it’s because they don’t want to pay for it.
Jeff:
Wait, you can copy music?
Casey:
Not in an iPod. I have music I actually fucking own I can’t figure out how to get into my iPhone, right? So sometimes, you can copy music. Other times, you can’t copy music. The iPhone is the best DRM device ever, even though it doesn’t actually… I don’t actually us any of the DRM because since I can’t figure out how to get any music on it, it’s not possible for me to get other people’s music on it, right?
Jeff:
Right. Yep.
Casey:
If I can’t get music that I’ve legally purchased on to my iPhone, then what are the chances I’m gonna copy any? Low, I would say, right?
Jeff:
That’s awesome.
Casey:
But point being…
Jeff:
We had a point?
Casey:
Well, we had one back before I started yelling about how bad the iPhone sucks.
Jeff:
Okay, pop it back up. Let’s hear it.
Casey:
Was that a lot of times, the services that have this DRM, they’re so hard to use that even if you were someone who wanted to pay for the shit, it’s way easier for you not to, right?
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
You can go buy “a TV” show from the iTunes store and maybe, someday, watch it on something if you’re really fucking lucky (and it’s low quality and shitty).
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Or you can just go Bittorent it and it’ll be, like, really high def video and, like, if it was in a different language, it will be subbed with subtitles. Like, you can get anything you want, right?
Jeff:
Well, it’ll be easy to download…
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
It’ll be subtitled…
Casey:
You can play it on anything.
Jeff:
It will be reasonable quality.
Casey:
It will work.
Jeff:
It will reviewed.
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
And it will play on most things.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Right? Until you can give us those features in something, just stop. Stop starting the Sony Store, the Microsoft Media Store, the this store, the Yahoo! Store…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Everybody has one. Nobody uses any of them because it’s fucking easier to go do it the other way. Until you can match the ease of use, don’t even bother, right?
Casey:
Well, you’re saying that everyone has a music store. What you mean is they “had” their music store.
Jeff:
Well, that brings us to the next thing…
Casey:
Which brings us to the next thing… One thing I’ll say, though, by the way, just to prove this point is Netflix streaming introduced on the Xbox 360 just recently, everyone fucking used it. Everyone I know signed up for that shit.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Right? It’s like, they gave someone something that actually fucking works and everyone uses it.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
People don’t at all have a problem with paying for something that actually works that’s not exorbitantly expensive.
Jeff:
Did they turn off the Microsoft Video stuff that’s on the Xbox, too?
Casey:
No, I think you can still use that. I just don’t imagine that anyone will.
Jeff:
Yeah, ‘cos there’s no reason to do it because you pay for the entire movie after you watch it within a period…
Casey:
You watch it within 24 hours, yes…
Jeff:
And all this… And it has to download first. You’re like…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Worst possible thing. And then, Netflix is better in all ways, including selection. So it seems like…
Casey:
Well, someday, content providers someday will just understand (hopefully, at some core level) that when you provide a service to people that just works, they don’t have a lot of problem paying for it.
Jeff:
Right. Yep.
Casey:
It’s just that fucking simple.
Jeff:
Yep, yep, yep.
Casey:
You can sell people shit they already have if it just works.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
People will fucking buy music again or movies again on a service that just works whereas if you give them some piece of shit service, then they will steal shit if they have to to get something that they actually want, that they can watch. That’s just the way it goes.
Jeff:
And the awesome-ness in the part of the story that we’re just to talk to is just how many of these services they’ve started up, got some small percentage of computer users out there to buy them, and then basically fuck them by closing the service a couple years later, right?
Casey:
And you know what, I have a little treat for you, Jeff, on that.
Jeff:
Tell me.
Casey:
Tip. I’ve compiled a little partial… I’m sure this is not exhaustive but just for the sake of discussion…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
List, a chronology, if you will…
Jeff:
A timeline.
Casey:
A timeline of what has happened to these fabulous DRM sites.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
So, on August 10th, 2007, Google Video closed.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So you bought a bunch of videos on Google Video…
Jeff:
The pay part of Google Video…
Casey:
The pay part of Google Video…
Jeff:
Just say no more…
Casey:
You’re like, “It’s awesome. I’m gonna buy some shows. Gonna watch my movies.” Nope, sorry. Sorry that you bought those. They’re gone now. Goodbye.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Alright. So that was that. February 1st, 2008. Sony Kinect, their music’s DRM service. Gone. Hope you weren’t planning to listen to any of those songs that you bought on Sony Kinect because they’re gone. Goodbye.
Jeff:
Well, they actually have their own music, too, right? Like, they own some music places…
Casey:
Yes, that’s their own… Because Sony has their own label and shit, right?
Jeff:
Alright, so can’t listen to Spiderman, the theme song anymore.
Casey:
Goodbye. 3 months later, April 23rd, 2008, Microsoft PlaysForSure…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“PlaysForSure”, in quotes.
Jeff:
Yep. It could b sarcastic, as we were talking about before.
Casey:
Closed.
Jeff:
PlaysForSure…
Casey:
Goodbye. So when we said it PlaysForSure, we meant plays for sure until April 23rd, 2008.
Jeff:
And basically, we’re saying is Microsoft is behind Sony even in terms of shutting down their DRM servers…
Casey:
Exactly…
Jeff:
Like all things…
Casey:
Exactly…
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Now, granted, you could argue that they shut it down earlier than that because since the Zune can’t fucking play PlaysForSure shit…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
It’s unclear that they ever actually had a PlaysForSure strategy at all.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
How do you do that? How do you end up shipping a musical device that doesn’t play your own format? Are you just, like, completely fucking out of your mind?
Jeff:
You know, what I think is awesome is why would you ever name something “PlaysForSure”…
Casey:
Right. You’re just asking for it.
Jeff:
You’re just asking for karma to bite you in the ass.
Casey:
Yes. And it did, twice.
Jeff:
Yep. ‘Cos they actually didn’t play for sure, once.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And now, they definitely don’t play for sure.
Casey:
Right. Now they don’t. It should be called Doesn’t Play at All. Like, it just doesn’t play.
Jeff:
Microsoft doesn’t play at all. Yeah.
Casey:
Plays for Shit might be the right phrase for that because apparently, it didn’t work on the portable player. Now, it doesn’t work at all.
Jeff:
Alright, so now, we’ve got Google, Sony, Microsoft…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
The big guys are dying…
Casey:
July 24th, 2008, Yahoo! Music.
Jeff:
Oh, forgot about Yahoo!. . .
Casey:
Yep. Goodbye. Hope you didn’t have too much of a music collection built up on Yahoo!.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
So some poor guy started with Sony Kinect, bought a bunch of songs…
Jeff:
“You know what, this sucks. I’m going to…”
Casey:
“This sucks. I’m going to Sony.”
Jeff:
No. “I’m going to PlayForSure.”
Casey:
Right. Yeah. That’s right, PlayForSure.
Jeff:
I’m going to PlayForSure.
Casey:
Nope, didn’t play for sure.
Jeff:
Goddamn it.
Casey:
Didn’t play for shit.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Went to Yahoo! Music. Was like, “Yahoo!” They’re gonna be…
Jeff:
“I want some yodeling. Yep.”
Casey:
Nope.
Jeff:
No?
Casey:
Nothing.
Jeff:
Denied.
Casey:
Didn’t get nothing. So then, they’re like, “Well, Wal-Mart, I mean, they’ve been around forever. Surely Wal-Mart’s gonna be fine. It’s no problem,” right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
October 9th, goodbye, Wal-Mart. They’re gone. Now, all these places still sell MP3, most of them, right?
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
So it’s like the non-DRM part is still around if they had one.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
It’s just the DRM went away.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
So hopefully, we’re seeing a little bit of a trend here. I don’t know if anyone’s picked up on this trend.
Jeff:
Well, the Wal-Mart thing may totally just be, like… You know, they’re not that computer-savvy down in… Where are they? Are then Arkansas or somewhere?
Casey:
Yeah, Arkansas.
Jeff:
They probably just unplugged the wrong thing to plug in a coffee pot. And all the DRM servers went down. They don’t know what happened. So they’re just like, “You know what, turn them off.”
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Absolutely.
Jeff:
Yep. Sam wanted some decaf. We shut this shit down.
Casey:
We’re like, “I don’t know what this yankee copy protection shit is…”
Jeff:
Well, we were at a…
Casey:
Well, actually, you know what, that’s not what happened. That’s not what happened at all.
Jeff:
You have a better explanation?
Casey:
Someone in Wal-Mart probably said something like, “A, we didn’t realize that these CD’s could just be copied. Otherwise, we would’ve just been doing that and selling them for 50 cents apiece because we’re Wal-Mart, right? And B, what the fuck are you gonna do? We are all of your actual CD sales. What are you gonna do? Tell us we can’t ship the music without DRM? Like, fuck you.”
Jeff:
“Good luck.”
Casey:
“You’re just, like… We’re Wal-Mart. You do whatever we tell u to do.”
Jeff:
“We’re Wal-Mart, motherfucker.”
Casey:
“We’re Wal-Mart, motherfucker.”
Jeff:
Yeah, that should be their slogan.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. It should be called “Wal-Mart Motherfucker”. That’s the new name of the place, right?
Jeff:
Well, we were having a meeting with a bunch of Intel guys. And they were telling us about their super duper system for playing back protected media.
Casey:
Awesome.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Yeah, this is a big… Like, the hugest fuck-up of all time is this protected media bullshit. [ And pull ADM ] and all that crap.
Jeff:
And so, I’m listening to this for about 5 minutes and I just say, “You know what, just stop.” And they kind of did this thing where they kind of, like, look at each other, knowing, like, “Oh, he’s one of those…”
Casey:
“Here it comes…”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
And so, I thought that they needed a metaphor, right, to understand. Sometimes metaphors help people understand these complicated situations, right?
Casey:
You were trying to break it down for them.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
You were trying to give it to them how it was. You were trying to give them an in.
Jeff:
Right. So what I said is I said, “Look, I would do… Look, you guys think you have to do something to make the studios happy. So you should do something. But it should be the minimum possible. Don’t spend any energy. Don’t make this strong. Don’t make any extra hardware because all this stuff is exactly like sucking Satan’s cock.” They all looked at each other. And I said, “Let me explain.” And they were like… You could sense nervousness.
Casey:
Alright. They’re like, “Maybe you shouldn’t explain”?
Jeff:
Right. And I said, “Look…” Now, this was about a year and a half ago. I said… At that point Blu-ray Plus had not been broken but Blu-ray and HD DVD had just been broken.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I said, “No matter what you did, this has already been broken except for one thing that we can pretty much guess will be solved in a year and a half or so.” And it did, SlySoft eventually broke it. “So basically, what you’re doing here is you decided… Because you’re an engineer, you make things, right? And what you’ve decided to do is basically nothing, right?”
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
“Because you are wasting your time to make something that doesn’t work but doesn’t work.”
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
“You’re spending time to make something not work.”
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
“And in the end, whatever you make, whatever you engineer to not work, will be broken and work,” right?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
“So what you’re going to do is even if you’re sucking Satan’s cock, right, and you get to the last moment with Satan and you’re like, ‘You know, this has been terrible but at least I’m gonna answer some question of what it might taste like, like is it spicy? Does it taste like Doritos? Who knows, right?’ What you find out right at that special moment with you and Satan is that he’s impotent because no matter what you do, right, you’ve compromised yourself to suck Satan’s cock by making this thing. It doesn’t matter anyway because they break it, right?”
Casey:
So what you’re basically saying is Blu-ray is like Satan’s Flomax?
Jeff:
Exactly.
Casey:
Nothing’s coming out.
Jeff:
Satan’s Flomax. So, yeah, you get nothing.
Casey:
You’re not getting anything.
Jeff:
You don’t get anything. You get 3 years of making something that there was no point. And then, since then…
Casey:
“The new Intel Retrograde. Comes back up into your kidneys.”
Jeff:
Right. And anybody… And maybe we have some listener out there that works at Microsoft DRM or Google DRM or something out there. Maybe someone out there.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Okay. You’re making the world a shittier place for a short period of time.
Casey:
That’s correct.
Jeff:
Stop it. Like, you’re an engineer. Have some fucking pride in what you do.
Casey:
But wait, let’s back up here. Let’s turn… Make sure we turn the spotlight around here because we’re acting like it’s like, “Oh, it’s like Blu-ray, like fucking MP3 or, you know, like PlaysForSure or whatever.” How about fucking games, right? How about fucking Xbox Live Arcade or Steam. It’s like, “Hey, if they shut down the servers…”
Jeff:
You’re just hosed.
Casey:
That’s it.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
“All your games are gone. Hope that you enjoyed them while you had them but now you can’t play them anymore.” Or World of Warcraft. They shut down the server and your game is gone, right? Like, all of these things… And it’s not just because it’s like, “Hey, you won’t get to play them anymore.” It’s also, like, you know what, it would probably suck if you couldn’t read “The Adventures of Tom Sawyer” because we couldn’t fucking find a machine that could run it or something. And no one knew how to crack it, right? It’s like, it was just lost through all history. It’s like preserving the record of what humans have done… They don’t need an army of you fucking engineers fighting them the whole time, okay? Just make the goddamned thing be copy-able. Someone will figure out how to write a VM to run it in the future. Don’t make their life harder, right?
Jeff:
’Cos they’re gonna figure it out anyway. It’s ultimately pointless. And so…
Casey:
Well, either they will or they won’t is my point. Like, maybe they’ll just be like, “This thing you did was so fucking annoying that we don’t goddamned care.” I don’t care if we can listen to Mariah Carey 50 years in the future. But Mariah Carey should fucking care. I mean, it’s part of the public record. You should care that your stuff… I mean, if all you care about is making a bunch of money right now, then you are such a waste to humanity. I’m sorry. But step up to the fucking plate here, okay. I’m sure you’re getting paid well enough. If you’re in the computer industry or you’re in the record business, right, just fucking cut your losses. Get over it. It’s fine.
Jeff:
Well, and a lot of the music stuff has moved off that because Sony got totally hosed when their system went wrong…
Casey:
Yeah, rootkit, got the rootkit going.
Jeff:
But games still have all that same stuff…
Casey:
All that same shit.
Jeff:
Rootkits, all the same thing going there.
Casey:
And they’d have the double ass which is region encoding.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Like, “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you wanted to play that in a different territory.”
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
“My bad. That’s not allowed, at all. You best be buying not just another disc because they may not have another disc. You’d have to buy a whole other console to play that game because we’re never gonna ship an NTSC version or something or an NTSCJ version.”
Jeff:
It’s just the worst.
Casey:
Ass-tacular.
Jeff:
Yep. It is the worst.
Casey:
It is absolutely the worst.
Jeff:
Well, we better start moving…
Casey:
I have one more thing to say on that topic, though, and that is that I wanted to point out something. I wanted to share with you a little gem.
Jeff:
You have your own gem?
Casey:
Some insight, if you will.
Jeff:
Alright, tell me.
Casey:
Okay. And this is pearls before swine here, Jeff.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Because this is just like… You don’t even deserve… It’s so good, how good it is… I don’t even know if you’re gonna be able to handle it…
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
But I’m gonna throw it out there anyway.
Jeff:
Tell me.
Casey:
So, a lot of things in the media lately, right, the liberal media… A lot of places in the liberal media…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Have been asking why are red states voting against their self-interest. You’ve seen this a lot of times, right?
Jeff:
Sure. Okay.
Casey:
Why are these people in places where Republicans absolutely are making sure that no money is ever gonna go to, right, not getting these people any tax breaks in their income bracket…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Wants to cut welfare or whatever… Why are all the people who could potentially benefit from the opposite policies voting Republican in these states or something? Right? That’s the only question that gets asked.
Jeff:
Okay. I guess it’s a dumb question but, okay…
Casey:
Oh, yeah. Not saying it’s a dumb or smart question. I’m just gonna point out the flip side that never seems to get asked which is [inaudible 46:28] the same goddamned thing.
Jeff:
Oh, sure.
Casey:
Why are all these sort of wealthy, educated people deciding to vote Democrat when all they want to do is take all their money and give it to someone else, right?
Jeff:
Yeah, it’s the same thing, just in reverse.
Casey:
The same thing, in reverse.
Jeff:
It’s like…
Casey:
Everyone is voting against their self-interest. We have entire voting blocks of people voting against their self-interest.
Jeff:
Well, both people think they’re voting… Like, that’s the point is the same people that think the red states are voting against their self-interest, the red states people are like, “No, we’re not. We’re voting for different things that aren’t on your list.”
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
“Money is not the thing.” It’s like, “Hey, we care more about abortions than we do about healthcare,” right?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And then, you turn around, it’s the opposite. It’s just like… It’s a dumb question. It implies that we know what’s best for the red staters. That’s why I never liked the question. I think both sides are retarded.
Casey:
Well, here’s the reason that I bring that up.
Jeff:
Tell me.
Casey:
It’s because DRM is exactly the same thing. Why am I angry about DRM? DRM is only ever going to help me, pretty much, right? There’s no question. I will always have the money to buy some stupid shit on some stupid fucking store. And I make products for a living or work on technology that’s used in products for a living. So it’s always sort of, except for the fact that it always sucks, “good” for me.
Jeff:
That’s what I was gonna say. It’s not good for you because it never fucking works. Anybody that has a 3D studio and has tried to move it to a new machine…
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
Knows exactly what the problem with DRM is.
Casey:
Yeah. When you dig a little deeper, you realize just because this stuff is so fucking bad that… I mean, maybe… I think even if it was good, I’d still be against it because I think the principle’s bad.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right? But you know, at some level, it is also that. You’ve been burned… Anyone, even people who should be in favor of DRM have been burned so many times by it.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
That eventually, even if it’s something that’s technically supposed to help you, you don’t like it…
Jeff:
Well, that’s because the people giving these companies legal advice have never used any of this, right?
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Like, in their mind, DRM is magically good and it always works. It’s like, they’re not the people going home and installing high-end software on their machine. They’re not the people that, like… They’ve never managed to figure out how to turn their iPod on, let alone put music on it, right?
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
These are not the brightest people at the company, right?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So, you’re getting your advice from people who have an imaginary idea of what the world is like and not how it actually goes which is if there’s a way for something to break and you to get blame for it, it will break, right?
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
And that’s what happens. And you just don’t get it. It just keeps going on and on and on. I mean, even now. There’s brand new games coming out with the copy protection that just embarrassed EA, like, 3 months ago.
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
They learned nothing. I mean, everyone was making fun of Spore for 3 months.
Casey:
Well, we always say we’re going to learn, right? Like, we had the wave of copy protection in the floppy drive eras.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
And we all were like, “Oh, we learned our lesson.”
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
And CD games shipped [ without ] copy protection. But we didn’t fucking learn any lesson. The lesson was not learned.
Jeff:
See, Casey, what you’re not understanding is when we had floppy copy protection, it created a whole industry of little utilities that people purchased for that…
Casey:
And those poor people all went out of business.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
So sad…
Jeff:
But now, they’re back.
Casey:
Now, they’re back.
Jeff:
Copying Blue-ray discs and stuff…
Casey:
See, it’s a public service.
Jeff:
Yes, that whole industry wouldn’t exist if we didn’t have stupid copy protection.
Casey:
Well, I’ll tell you what right now, the whole sucking Satan’s cock thing… Like, Macrovision…
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Is basically like a giant gaggle of people kneeling down around there, right? Like, you want to talk about people who’ve never done anything but harm everything, it’s them, right? They are like the very worst part of everything that is humanity, right? Like, I can’t think of… It’s like what they did didn’t happen to lead to mass death or genocide but they’re those people, right? They’re the people who, like…
Jeff:
Yeah, they’re just that… Yeah.
Casey:
If they were in any time period, right, they’d be like, “Yeah, [inaudible 50:38] awesome,” right? It’s like, “ [ You want to ] give me a machete,” right?
Jeff:
Right, “Hook me up.”
Casey:
They’re just like, “Sweet.” They’re the people who just want to do whatever gets them ahead even if it fucks everybody else and makes the entire world worse…
Jeff:
I have a whole bunch of Macrovision stories I will tell you someday, off podcast…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
But I will say one thing on the podcast.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I was having a conversation with one of these guys once.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And he actually said to me, “Look, I’m a dues-paying member of the EFF, too, but,” and this was talking about patents and stuff…
Casey:
What the fuck is the “but”?
Jeff:
I was like, “Wait. No, you’re not.”
Casey:
Whoa. Slow down, stallion.
Jeff:
“I don’t think you really are a card-carrying member of it if you’re saying these other things.”
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Right? Yes, you paid the dues. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a member.
Casey:
It’s like, “Hold on a second here, pal. You realize we wouldn’t have to pay any dues if it wasn’t for your fucking company. If you just closed your company, the EFF could basically go out of business.”
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
“All you need is the ACLU at that point.”
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
It’s like, “You’re creating this problem.”
Jeff:
“Go away.” It’s the worst.
Casey:
Oh, God. Yeah, I mean, seriously.
Jeff:
We need to stop because if we get going, this will take hours and hours. Like, we would have a bonus that would go on for 3 hours and rant about this.
Casey:
Oh, goddamn it. Yes. They’re the worst, just the scum of humanity, yes.
Jeff:
Yes, the scum.
Casey:
Slug.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Those little tube effects… They can’t see anything. They’re like, these kind of tube creatures that feed off silt and sludge at the bottom of the ocean, you know what I’m talking about?
Jeff:
Oh, I don’t like that.
Casey:
Yeah, that’s what… Bottom feeders…
Jeff:
No Good. No Good, at all.
Casey:
Speaking of No Good, Jeff.
Jeff:
Oh, yes, it’s that time again.
Casey:
It’s that time again.
Jeff:
Yes. Let’s do some. It’s been a little while.
Casey:
It has been a little while. And the natives are restless, Jeff.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Because I think that you’re one of the very few people who’s capable of really isolating that which makes a thing Good or No Good.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Such that it can be definitively stated and never wondered about again.
Jeff:
So I’m like on Oprah and I give the listeners, like, the secret. And the secret…
Casey:
No. You are like Lady Justice whose scales are tipping in one direction or another…
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
So that the Gods themselves may know what is Good and what is No Good.
Jeff:
Alright. I’m ready. I’m ready. I’m like the Oracle at RAD.
Casey:
Something like that.
Jeff:
I’m liking all this.
Casey:
Except rather than telling the future, you just say everything’s No Good. Almost as useful…
Jeff:
Yes, exactly. Okay.
Casey:
Our first…
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Listener submitted…
Jeff:
Okay. This is from a listener, not you.
Casey:
We had a number of listener submissions.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Some of them were shit. Some of them were good. So I’m gonna do those.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Some of them were not. And we’re not gonna do those. I apologize.
Jeff:
Keep sending them in, though.
Casey:
You know what? It’s like there’s only so much a seamstress can do with the [inaudible 53:41] on this podcast.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
You know what I’m saying?
Jeff:
Tell me.
Casey:
Anyway, the first one comes from a nepotistical Susan Muratori…
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Who used the phone hotline…
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Everyone else seemed to email but she…
Jeff:
So your mom basically called in…
Casey:
My mother…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Capable of following directions, unlike other podcast listeners, used the hotline and left us an audio Good/No Good. And I’ll play it for you here.
Jeff:
Let’s hear it. Nothing’s happening.
Casey:
So you got that?
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Oh, you want me to play it again?
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
I figured you already fucking heard it.
Sue:
Hey, Jeff & Casey, this is Sue from Massachusetts. I have a question for Good/No Good. Unusual celebrity baby names — Pilot Inspektor, Zuma Nesta Rock, Bronx Mowgli, Apple. Good/No Good?
Casey:
So, the first problem I have with this is how does my mother know all of these celebrity baby names? What is she spending her time doing? I need to send her something to do, more constructive than whatever she is doing because I did not know any of these except Apple. I remember seeing in the news Apple Paltrow was listed.
Jeff:
I didn’t know the Pilot Inspektor one. And I knew one of the other ones. And then, Apple, most people know.
Casey:
Yeah. Now, see, I thought you read the celebrity pages every day.
Jeff:
I do.
Casey:
How do you not know these babies?
Jeff:
See, here’s the thing. There’s a site called the Superficial that has celebrity news but they make fun of the celebrities, right…
Casey:
Don’t try to excuse it.
Jeff:
Wait. I’m gonna explain.
Casey:
Don’t try to excuse it.
Jeff:
No, wait. Stop it. So I started reading it, me and…
Casey:
“I read People magazine for the articles.”
Jeff:
No. This is good.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
[ Soren ] and I were reading it because they were really funny, really sarcastic.
Casey:
Yeah?
Jeff:
I realized somewhere along the line…
Casey:
It flipped?
Jeff:
It flipped.
Casey:
Oh, no…
Jeff:
I just waited for the news now.
Casey:
Ugh…
Jeff:
I’m like, “Oh, dear, A-Rod and Madonna, they’re on the rocks!” I’m, like, reading all this crap…
Casey:
Whoa… Alex Rodriguez is dating Madonna?
Jeff:
See, you’re gonna get into it, too.
Casey:
You’re fucking kidding me.
Jeff:
Now, you are into it, as well.
Casey:
I am not into it. I’m shocked.
Jeff:
Okay. So your mom and I are going to the same pages, apparently, right?
Casey:
Yeah. Apparently not because you didn’t know who Zuma Nesta Rock was.
Jeff:
Yes. I didn’t know that one.
Casey:
Gwen Stefani’s child, in case the listeners out there are wondering. I looked it up on Google. Now, I made a faux pas which Google’s spelling checker corrected. It’s not Zumanesta Rock, which is how I typed it in from my mom’s statement. It is Zuma Nesta Rock Stefani, I assume or whoever’s last name it is.
Jeff:
Okay. So let’s just get it out of the way right at the beginning. That is No Good.
Casey:
Okay. The whole thing is No Good?
Jeff:
It’s No Good. I mean, celebrities go bat shit crazy enough that sometimes they’ll accidentally drop something cool like naming them after a comic book character, which is fine…
Casey:
Oh, that’s fine?
Jeff:
Yes. Like Nicolas Cage…
Casey:
Because comic book authors are so fucking good at coming up with names… Jesus… Clark Kent? Are you fucking kidding me?
Jeff:
Right. Well, you have Kal-el Cage, basically, I assume…
Casey:
Oh, God.
Jeff:
And Harley Quinn Smith, Kevin Smith’s kid…
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
That’s fine.
Casey:
Now, I hate to pull rank on you here. Even though I don’t read comic books, I listen to the Jeff & Casey Show.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
So I know that Harley Quinn is not a comic book character.
Jeff:
Well, wait…
Casey:
She was a TV show character…
Jeff:
Yes. And then, they made a comic about her after the fact because everyone loved her so much.
Casey:
See what I’m saying? See how I know this shit?
Jeff:
You know it. And you know what…
Casey:
That’s like saying Indiana Jones was a comic book character, not a comic book character. They made a comic book of the movie, yeah.
Jeff:
I would just say this. No, it’s No Good. Basically, what you’re doing is trying to show the world how creative you are…
Casey:
And incidentally, I’m totally in support of naming a child Indiana. Let’s just get that out in the open. Keep going.
Jeff:
My whole thing is, like, “Look, you name your kid something crazy to show the entire world how creative you are.” Most of the time, you’re an actor. You don’t have any…
Casey:
That’s right. You are not creative.
Jeff:
You don’t write the words that are coming out of your mouth.
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
And in fact, if you did…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It would be really sad, right? Like…
Casey:
No, wait. Okay…
Jeff:
If actors really named their kids after things they know, they’d be named after drugs or cigarette brands or types of vodka because that’s what actors know, right?
Casey:
And everyone who’s ever done any writing knows that the very worst part is coming up with the names for the characters…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
They wouldn’t want to name their kids anything creative. They’d just be like, “Here’s John,” right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And second of all, they’d be so fucking happy that the last name is already taken care of, right? They don’t have to fucking figure it out.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
They’re just like, “Alright, phew. I got that…”
Jeff:
This is [ Betty Ford ] Cage, right?
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
“I had a good time there. I laid a nurse. I named her after where she was conceived.”
Casey:
[ Laid Nurse ] Cage?
Jeff:
The other prob--…
Casey:
All these rock stars, their names for their children are just groupie… Groupie Van Halen.
Jeff:
Yes. So that is No Good. Do not impress us your creativity or lack thereof…
Casey:
Lack thereof?
Jeff:
Right. You know, they could also… Actors could name their kids something totally generic. It’s like, “John Cage”. And then, you know how in the script they always say, like, “John Cage, a dark, brooding man who has a secret in his past…” And that all would be on the baby’s certificate…
Casey:
It’s like horses, how they have a really long name and then a short name that they use for the registration purposes, they have that, too…
Jeff:
Exactly. That’s exactly it.
Casey:
Oh, my goodness.
Jeff:
So, yeah, No Good. I will that No Good to this secret caller, Sue from Massachusetts.
Casey:
Some random Sue from Massachusetts, no relation to anyone on the podcast…
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
It’s not like she would be disqualified if there was a podcast sweepstakes, for example.
Jeff:
That’s right. Exactly.
Casey:
Next Good/No Good.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Not in audio form…
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Because people can’t figure out how to use the hotline, apparently.
Jeff:
Sometimes I mix in the telephone number too loud and it blows their speakers up.
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Did you use the same one last time? I felt like it wasn’t sexy.
Jeff:
No, the first one was Crystal…
Casey:
The first one was super sexy.
Jeff:
The first voice was Crystal. Crystal’s the name of a stripper or a voice…
Casey:
Yeah. And then, the next one was so non-sexy.
Jeff:
And the second one, I can’t remember. She was English. So it was like… I can’t remember the name. It was, like, “Pamela (British)”.
Casey:
See, normally, I think British accents are sexy but it did not work. It was too mechanical this time.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
It was just the attitude. She needed to bring more attitude.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Is there a slider for that in this program?
Jeff:
No. But you know what? I wrote the phone number down so we don’t have to use that stupid site anymore.
Casey:
Alright. Well, anyway…
Jeff:
Okay. Next No Good…
Casey:
Next Good/No Good in textual form…
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Comes from long-time listeners, Good/No Good submission favorite…
Jeff:
Oh, okay.
Casey:
Eddie [ Fossler ]. This is his second time.
Jeff:
What was his other one?
Casey:
Well, okay…
Jeff:
Oh, the Jennifer Connelly thing. Yeah.
Casey:
That’s not fair. Yeah. It was not a Good/No Good submission. The previous time, he wrote in to disagree with your assertion that Megan Fox was the new Angelina Jolie.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
He did not approve of that comparison.
Jeff:
He thought she was the new Jennifer Connelly.
Casey:
But you two found common ground.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You found common ground in the fat that Jennifer Connelly losing weight was No Good.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
That’s where you guys came to a…
Jeff:
Back when she was a little curvier.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Yes. Okay.
Casey:
Anyway, he wants to know…
Jeff:
Tell me.
Casey:
Renaissance fairs, Good/No Good?
Jeff:
Okay. So this is not the thing that you went to as a little kid in Massachusetts.
Casey:
No, no, no.
Jeff:
Those are reenactment places.
Casey:
Well, these are both reenactments, in some sense.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
But you’re talking about reenacting a different time and place, right?
Jeff:
I see. Okay.
Casey:
A renaissance fair is trying to reenact King Arthur’s time or something, right?
Jeff:
Oh, much older.
Casey:
Like, Medieval… Well, more importantly, not Americans, right?
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
It’s in Europe. It’s knights and jousting and the Cornish game hens and chainmail and this sort of shit…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Whereas the things that they have on the east coast are trying to reenact a period when America was first settled, right?
Jeff:
I understand.
Casey:
And there’s a couple different ones like Plymouth rock is the early one…
Jeff:
Renaissance fair is England. Okay.
Casey:
You know, Spain has knights and castles and stuff and France… So it’s not England…
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
But it’s…
Jeff:
That time period.
Casey:
Medieval Europe.
Jeff:
Okay. Alright. That’s no fucking good at all.
Casey:
Peasants and shoving shit. No, No Good. No Good at all?
Jeff:
Yes. Well, let’s talk about.
Casey:
There’s nothing good about it?
Jeff:
Well, first off, I think the guys that are going to these renaissance fairs, if they knew much about the people and the class of the people that they are portraying, right…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
They were losers, right? They were sickly. They had dysentery, plaguing McJones walking around…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Right? These were not high class people, right? They average lived to 40, maybe tops, right?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
These were not people worth emulating. These are not good… Most of them are not… You have the few people that dress up like the knights and the kings and stuff…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
But there can only be so many knights and so many kings.
Casey:
But you’re totally not… I mean, that’s a pointless thing to say about this. When they have a Civil War reenactment, they don’t reenact the time when half the Union Army slept for 6 hours, right… They don’t pick the part that you don’t want to reenact. They do the good parts version.
Jeff:
No, they picked the…
Casey:
They’re like… It’s the Battle of Gettysburg. It’s set in [inaudible 63:48]
Jeff:
No, they picked the… Here’s 2 armies walking towards each other. And then, most of them fall down in the mud. It’s like, congratulations….
Casey:
No. they reenact a famous battle. They don’t go, like, “Hey, let’s reenact walking from place to place, which I basically all we fucking do.”
Jeff:
No, they do, too.
Casey:
Or we don’t reenact, like, [inaudible 64:00] having everyone sit around for 5 fucking years. They didn’t reenact that part. They reenact the actual fucking battle.
Jeff:
Yeah. And 90% of them get shot by a butt shot the first 5 seconds and lay down until the thing’s over, right?
Casey:
Yeah, that’s the fun part.
Jeff:
No, it’s not.
Casey:
No, the renaissance fair…
Jeff:
That’s all the losers…
Casey:
No, the renaissance fair reenacts what, in their mind, it’s like jousting or having a feast.
Sean:
They’re all knights. Every single person at this…
Jeff:
So everyone shows up…
Casey:
Nobody shows up as a shit-shoveling peasant. That doesn’t happen.
Jeff:
You know what, I would disagree but we might have to do some Jeff & Casey research on this…
Casey:
Research? You think we should go to a renaissance fair?
Jeff:
I know where one is because every time we go to the dog park, there’s all these fuckers out…
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
Like, there’s one part of the park where people are playing Frisbee with their dog.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Right next to it, there’s people dressed up like idiots and throwing tennis balls at each other and have these big swords. So we could go to one of these and get the lay of the land.
Casey:
Okay. But that’s not really a renaissance fair. Like, a renaissance fair is kind of hardcore. There’s people with handmade chainmail, like, real shit and horses and fuck.
Jeff:
They have boots. They have all this shit. Like…
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
When you go there, you trade your money in at the gate. Your money for old timey money…
Casey:
For, like, pounds, sterling or something?
Jeff:
Yes, some bullshit like that. And then, you go in there and probably the food is just as safe because it’s just sitting out amongst the stuff…
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
And you could have chipped beef and all this shit.
Casey:
Why would you want to go to a renaissance fair?
Jeff:
Because I want to prove to you how non-good it is. Right? And why I think it’s No Good.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Now, let me give you the one thing.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Here’s the one key, though.
Casey:
Yeah, I just… I know there has to be something that you want to go to this for because normally, there is no fucking way that you would set foot in a renaissance fair, research or no.
Jeff:
Let me tell you…
Casey:
What is going on here?
Jeff:
Here’s the thing.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So, the dresses of the day for the wenches and the women…
Casey:
The wenches…
Jeff:
Let’s just say these dresses were kind of the precursor to the wonder bra.
Casey:
Okay. I see.
Jeff:
They lift and they press together in an appealing way.
Casey:
I see.
Jeff:
It seems…
Sean:
[ You will see it if you go to do research. ]
Casey:
It is cleavage-enhancing is what you’re saying.
Jeff:
It is cleavage on display at all times.
Casey:
And this is a plus.
Jeff:
This is a plus. It almost makes up for the No Good, right.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Everything else is so bad but the cleavage is so. . . Let’s say expressive. Like, you can see many heaving breasts at the activities being portrayed in front of them. But I think it’s worth it.
Casey:
Now, are you saying this from experience? When you’ve gone to the dog park, you have seen this? It seems like… How are you getting this information?
Jeff:
I have seen the dresses that they wear. And yes, they are as cleavage-y as you would imagine.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
I think that’s the reason why all actors and actress like the period people, because, like, “This is going to be great for my career. I don’t have to do nudity but I’m essentially right out there.”
Casey:
But it’s classy. It’s the classy version of that, right?
Jeff:
Exactly.
Casey:
It’s like, “No, it’s a period piece.”
Jeff:
Right, exactly.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And it doesn’t matter how little breasts that you have. These dresses enhance no matter what.
Casey:
So, if I may fill in the blanks there, are you basically saying that we have had a technological regression…
Jeff:
Yes, well…
Casey:
In corset or brassiere technology, basically?
Jeff:
Well, possibly. There’s also… If women went around that way all the time, there’d be no work getting done at all. Like, part of the technological revolution of the last century…
Casey:
The industrial revolution? Okay.
Jeff:
Was because the dresses went to the neck…
Casey:
I see what you’re saying.
Jeff:
Otherwise, men would not be able to think straight for more than a few minutes. They’d be like, “So, I’m thinking about this device that, when you apply a current, it blows. And then… Holy shit, do you see the cans on her? What was I… I totally lost that.”
Casey:
So basically, if you were to write a book, it would not be like “Guns, Germs, and Steel”…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It would be like…
Jeff:
Breasts. Squished breasts and lack thereof. It could be like…
Casey:
No, it’s like “Oil, Coffee, and Corsets”…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Would be your book, right? You’re like, “What were the things that brought about the industrial revolution?”
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
It’s like, power source, things to keep us focused, and no distractions…
Jeff:
Right. Yeah, exactly.
Casey:
Lack thereof, of course, I should say.
Sean:
I between Ralph magazine is working on that.
Casey:
Awesome. Yes, that’s right. Ralph magazine is going to set the Guinness Book of World Records for most number of breasts given away at one time.
Jeff:
Yep. So, yeah. Who knows? Maybe we just all need to look at more porn so it’s not quite so out of the ordinary.
Casey:
Well, I’ve been working on that. I’ve been doing my part.
Jeff:
I’m doing my part. Yeah, exactly.
Casey:
So certainly, don’t blame me.
Jeff:
Yep, exactly…
Casey:
If we’re not ready when the topless craze comes.
Jeff:
Although, the problem is we need more porn where they’re just doing normal things like she’s in a couch, topless…
Casey:
Oh, right. She’s just walking by.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
She doesn’t do anything.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Doesn’t look at the camera like your cat camera thing…
Jeff:
Right. Because, like, in all of my videos, there tends to be a misunderstanding of some kind and it leads to something else.
Casey:
I see.
Jeff:
And that’s worse because then, you do seem to [inaudible 69:34] and then you’re like, “You’re not just my accountant. You’re also going to teach me facts and figures.
Casey:
It turns out that in addition to repairing the cable…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Yeah, I see what you’re saying. So what we need is porn where the cable gets repaired, period.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Like, yes, everyone was topless.
Jeff:
But the cable’s still repaired…
Casey:
But no, there was nothing else that had to happen besides the cable getting repaired.
Jeff:
The cable was actually late.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
With absolutely no…
Casey:
No double entendre at all.
Jeff:
Exactly. Cable was late.
Casey:
Alright, excellent.
Jeff:
So, we’ll work on that. Alright, you got one more for me?
Casey:
Last Good/No Good. I’m providing a Good/No Good. I’d just like to get one of mine in
Jeff:
This is a Casey special.
Casey:
Yes. Because, you know, a classic Good/No Good, if you will.
Jeff:
You also tend to know what I’m going to freak out about…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
So you do have good ones?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
So this has happened to you at some point, Jeff?
Jeff:
Tell me.
Casey:
It certainly has happened to me. Because we were late hours sometimes as programmers.
Jeff:
Okay, yes.
Casey:
Very typical?
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
So you finish working. You walk downstairs. You walk out the front doors of the building.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
And of course, you didn’t walk here. You drove here. So you go to get into your car. But you’re not alone in the parking lot.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
There’s another car parked there. And there’s someone inside it. And they’re just fucking there.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
They’re just sitting in the car.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Sometimes the car is on. Sometimes, it’s off. And they’re just sitting there…
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Arbitrarily wrong.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
You pull out of the parking lot, you’re gone, they’re still there.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Good/No Good?
Jeff:
That is No Good.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It is a creepy thing. Like, I don’t like any of it. There was a guy for a while right outside my office that would pull up in this Toyota truck…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And then, he’d change his clothes from what he was wearing into something else…
Casey:
Whoa.
Jeff:
And then, come in the building…
Casey:
Whoa.
Jeff:
So, like, there was something going on.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Didn’t want to go out and ask him but there was something going on. So, no, it’s No Good. It’s never anything big.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
It’s just that you come out late, you don’t expect to see any people, that’s the whole point.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You’re like, “This is my zone and you’re encroaching on my zone.” It’s like when you get into… Like, you’re using a bathroom stall and someone comes in and then use it. They don’t look under it. When I go into the bathroom, if I see somebody in there, I just go to another one.
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
There’s 5 in the building. Go to another one.
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
Don’t go in there.
Casey:
What are you talking about?
Jeff:
Don’t go in there. It’s the same thing.
Casey:
It’s not the same thing.
Jeff:
It is exactly the same thing.
Casey:
Are you saying you don’t park your car in a parking lot if there’s already someone parked in the same parking lot?
Jeff:
I’m saying if you’re gonna be parking there all night long that’s like you’re gonna take a shit in handicap so “I’ll be there for 20 minutes.” You gotta have your own zone, right? You should park somewhere else. You should make sure that you’re alone when you shit. That’s no problem.
Casey:
Well, my feeling on it is just that nothing good is going on in that car, right?
Jeff:
No, nothing is ever good going on.
Casey:
That’s my opinion. Like, why are you parked in the parking lot this whole time?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You’re not waiting for someone, like at 2:30 in the morning. It’s going to be anyone who should be meeting you, right? It’s bad news.
Jeff:
Right. In the old building, we had a company that worked late every night. So what they did is they usually go out there to smoke.
Casey:
Nice.
Jeff:
So they go out to use the lighter in the car to smoke.
Casey:
Nice.
Jeff:
Still No Good, right?
Casey:
No Good.
Jeff:
So, yes… No, if somebody’s out there, I don’t like the feeling it gives me because you think you’re all by yourself and then there’s someone just sitting there. It’s worse when they talk to you just like it’s worse when someone talks to you and they’re in the can. It’s the same thing, in my opinion.
Casey:
I see.
Jeff:
You don’t like that?
Casey:
I don’t understand the analogy, at all. But, you know what, I don’t have to. It’s your segment.
Jeff:
Yes, No Good in both cases. No Good at all.
Casey:
I see.
Jeff:
I don’t even like waiting for people when they say, “I have to go to the bathroom.” I will go do something else so that I’m not waiting for them.
Casey:
You keep bringing this back to the bathroom.
Jeff:
I know.
Casey:
Do you have to go to the bathroom right now?
Jeff:
I’m disturbed. No, I’m kind of bothered.
Casey:
By what?
Jeff:
You know, sometimes, when I’m in the bathroom and someone comes into another stall…
Casey:
Oh, for fuck’s sake… Yeah.
Jeff:
I’ll go really fast to get it over with and get the fuck out of there because you just don’t want to be there with somebody else.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
That’s No Good, as well.
Casey:
It’s not like a party, right. They’re not in the same stall as you are.
Jeff:
It doesn’t matter.
Casey:
They’re in a totally separate stall, separated by a fucking divider.
Sean:
We talked before about urinal spacing, right?
Casey:
Yeah.
Sean:
So is there a similar thing for the stalls?
Jeff:
For the stalls…
Sean:
Like, if there’s 7 stalls in the airport bathroom or something like that, is that, like…
Jeff:
It doesn’t matter how many stalls there are. There is one stall that can be occupied at any one time.
Casey:
Okay. So a bathroom that has more than 1 stall in it, in your mind is a complete engineering failure?
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Because what will those stalls ever be used for?
Jeff:
No, there’s 2. There has to be one stall to separate you from the urinals in case somebody’s using the urinal. That stall should always be vacant.
Casey:
Okay, now, what if there’s an extra urinal?
Jeff:
I think you actually want 3 or 4 because some of them might get clogged up, which is also…
Casey:
But that ruins the whole bathroom. I’m projecting to Jeff, now. If one stall has anything wrong with it, then that whole bathroom is No Good. Am I wrong?
Jeff:
Yes, that’s exactly right.
Casey:
That’s the right thing? That’s what I thought. Okay.
Jeff:
So if you walk in there and… So here’s what I do. I walk in there, make sure nobody’s in there. I go into the handicap because I always use the handicap…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I go in there. If that one is, in any way, not pristine…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Sometimes, I’ll flush it to see if it’ll pristine up…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
But other than that, no, it’s gone to another floor.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
You just go to another floor until you…
Casey:
So, you are actually willing to do a one-flush test? You don’t just open the door and go, “Oh, no.”
Jeff:
I always do a flush test. You always start with the flush bowl.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
No matter what. Who knows how long that water’s been sitting there.
Casey:
Right. Okay.
Jeff:
You gotta get rid of that, first of.
Casey:
Okay, gotcha.
Jeff:
And then, you can evaluate the disaster area and decide whether to do your business or not or to go to another floor.
Casey:
I see. Now, I don’t totally understand your need for one stall to be separated from the urinal bit because I thought you said that the last urinals on either side can’t be used because it’s too close to the wall.
Jeff:
Yeah. You don’t want to be close to the wall because…
Casey:
So why would you need a stall because no one could be using that urinal?
Jeff:
Well, you still need a zone to separate the urinals from that…
Casey:
Just the concept of a urinal needs to be separated?
Jeff:
No, it’s because I’m okay if I’m using the stall for one other person to use the urinals, right?
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
I’m just saying. If somebody’s in the stalls, all the stalls are off-limits.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
But the urinals, not necessarily.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Because we have the stall divider in between us at minimum.
Casey:
Okay. And that stall can never be used, then?
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
That stall is never to be used.
Jeff:
No, never.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Gotcha.
Jeff:
Other people can use it but I’m not…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So that’s No Good.
Casey:
But they can’t use it if you’re in there.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Nobody should use a stall if somebody else is in there.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I don’t understand that. Like, you already have someone sitting in his own filth.
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
Why do you have to have 2 people sitting in each other’s filth?
Casey:
You got a fucked up childhood.
Jeff:
Goddamn it.
Casey:
I’m just gonna tell you that right now.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Fucked up childhood.
Jeff:
No. Alright, we need to wrap up because we’re pushing it.
Casey:
Well, that’s good because there ain’t nothing else to say.
Jeff:
Alright, good.
Casey:
We’re done.
Jeff:
We’re done. Alright, everybody. We need for everyone to send us an email at Podcast@JeffAndCaseyShow.com.
Casey:
Podcast@JeffAndCaseyShow.com.
Jeff:
Now, read the phone number because I put it in the thing.
Casey:
In the what thing?
Jeff:
In the Google document…
Casey:
It is 425-296-3012.
Jeff:
Yes. Give us a call. Leave us Good/No Good’s because we do them. We’ve got a list.
Casey:
If you do an audio Good/No Good, you are pretty much fucking guaranteed to be on the show.
Jeff:
Right. If you’re written down, then it’s touch and go.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You never know what might happen.
Casey:
We may just cut your shit straight off.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
We may do it and then cut it. And that’s even worse.
Casey:
That’s even worse.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
You’ll never know what could’ve been.
Jeff:
Alright. Well, thanks, everybody. And we will see you next week.
Casey:
Have a fabulous week.
Site design and technology © Copyright 2005-2014 by Molly Rocket, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
Contents are assumed to be copyright by their individual authors.
Do not duplicate without their express permission.
casey muratori
the jeff and casey show - season 1 - episode 44
prev
next
mollyrocket.com