Blog
Bio
The Technician
No Imperfections Noted
The Jeff and Casey Show
Jeff and Casey Time
Casey Muratori
Seattle, WA
The Vicar's Eleventh Toe
"How long would you say that potato was... in the oven?"
Original air date: December 9th, 2008
Topics. The holidays. Wal*mart. Surgery. Diced genitalia. Malpractice. Romania. Romanian medical board. Potato. Casey’s musical minute. Inflatable breasts. Objectification. Freedom of the press. Men’s magazines. Black Friday. Scalpel vs. Santoku. Toe penis. Trojan. Penisprints. Holy vs. demon potato. Breast PSI. Ralph Magazine. Blue toe. I nailed that. Double-D Day. Call of Booty. The Big Three automakers. Mixed-up metaphors. The lifeboat metaphor. Heavy metal minute.
Subscribe. If you’d like to have the latest episode of The Jeff and Casey Show delivered fresh to your computer every Monday, you can check out our list of RSS feeds and other subscription options here.
Transcript
Jeff:
Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Jeff & Casey Show.
Casey:
Hello, and welcome to the Jeff & Casey Show.
Jeff:
This is our 42nd episode.
Casey:
And this is the first podcast in December. Am I right?
Jeff:
That’s right. That’s right. December 7th.
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
Yep, Christmas is upon us.
Casey:
This is gonna be a great Christmas. I can already feel it.
Jeff:
Yeah. There’s music everywhere…
Casey:
Absolutely. You know, Christmas has always been one of my favorite holidays, really. I really love Christmas.
Jeff:
I like them all. I mean, you know, I like all holidays. They’re nice.
Casey:
You know what, I think you’re right. I had a great time on Halloween this year. And Thanksgiving was fabulous… Really, yeah, it’s been a year full of holidays that just make you happy to be alive, really.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
It’s been great.
Jeff:
That’s totally true.
Casey:
I think so, too.
Jeff:
I mean, you know, some of our stories today are a little on the serious side. But it’s important to remember the time of year. It’s important to be with your family and…
Casey:
Absolutely…
Jeff:
And just to have a great holiday season…
Casey:
Absolutely.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And you know, I think that… I wish we’d done this maybe last week. Maybe we can do it sort of on the future episode… If some of the listeners could send in their holiday stories.
Jeff:
Yeah, that’d be good.
Casey:
Because I think… I don’t know about you but I’d like to hear sort of how our listeners celebrate their Christmas or their Thanksgiving. And maybe you had a favorite grandparent and you guys sat by the fire and drank hot chocolate or…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You went sledding…
Jeff:
Or opening the stocking… Right.
Casey:
Or maybe the first time you fell in love and you went up sort of to see the stars on a hilltop with her. I’d love to hear that.
Jeff:
Yeah. Let’s hear your holiday stories.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. And I think that we all have them and everyone has their own special stories. I think that’d be great.
Jeff:
Well, the first story we want to talk about, and the thing we like to do on our show is to talk about both sides of the story and not focus on the sensational parts but the first part got a lot of press…
Casey:
That’s right. I think there’s so much sensationalism in the world today that it’s good to kind of provide a second look, you know. And I think that’s why people enjoy the program.
Jeff:
Right. So the first story we have is kind of a depressing one…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
But it sure has a good lesson.
Casey:
This is a good lesson, yeah.
Jeff:
And that’s the story of the Wal-Mart employee. And I think you have the link up there, right?
Casey:
I do. And what happened here, it’s really sad, is… As you know, a lot of people all across America are feeling financially sort of strapped during this time of the year, both because of the sort of pressures of Christmas gift-giving, obviously, that are hard for everyone but just also because, economically, the country’s been going through kind of a rough patch…
Jeff:
A difficult time, yeah.
Casey:
So people were understandably trying to sort of get good bargains. They had lined up at a Wal-Mart in Long Island and they were trying to get in. And I guess eventually the doors to the outside of the Wal-Mart broke down and one of the employees of the Wal-Mart was actually trampled to death.
Jeff:
Oh, dear.
Casey:
Yeah, it was very sad.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It was really sad.
Jeff:
So I think there were a lot of media who rushed to judgment against Wal-Mart among other people but especially Wal-Mart…
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
They said just the smallest amount of barricades would have prevented this problem. But I think it’s important to realize that it isn’t just Wal-Mart. It isn’t just the shoppers…
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
It’s the time of year. There’s a lot of stress with all of us. And let’s be honest, if you are a Wal-Mart employee, it’s a risky job sometimes.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You might have to climb ladders to shelves…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It’s a terrible, tragic thing. And I wish nothing but better tidings for this employee’s family.
Casey:
Absolutely.
Jeff:
But we shouldn’t just rush to blame just anyone.
Casey:
You know, I think it would be impossible to overstate how much I agree with you on that, actually.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s totally true. And one of the things is that there’s always good and bad parts of everything. I don’t disagree that there are problems with Wal-Mart as a corporation, certainly.
Jeff:
Sure.
Casey:
But they also are doing their best to provide people with low prices and merchandise that they need. I mean, just the fact that people were lined up outside the doors of the store says something about how much they want to shop there. So I think that tragedies, when they happen like this, the important part is not to focus on who’s to blame but rather what can we do…
Jeff:
What can we learn…
Casey:
What can we do better? You know… And I think the other interesting part about this, because it is happening so close to Christmas, is just to use this… You know, the tragedy, it’s already happened.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
We can’t undo it. So I think the important thing to look at here is it should make you feel that the people close to you, that you love, are all the more important this holiday season.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You know, you never know… There’s always so many crazy, unfortunate things that happen in this world that just… You know, after you listen to this podcast, go give your husband or wife or your kids just a big hug and tell them how much they mean to you and that you’re happy that they’re there because you never know what’s gonna happen.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s important to treat every day as precious.
Jeff:
Just go give your family a hug…
Casey:
Yes. Cats…
Jeff:
And just realize that life is precious… Well, whatever you have. It’s the time to be with your family.
Casey:
I’m sorry I realized that when I said cats, that may have implied that I thought that they were a better pet or that you should give them more attention but I actually… I was using them strictly as an example. And I think that if you have any kind of pet… Even if it’s a stuffed animal, if it’s important to you… Whatever brings you comfort and the things in your life that you want to sort of keep close to you…
Jeff:
Right, exactly…
Casey:
Whatever that is, yeah…
Jeff:
Right, right, right… Well, that kind of leads in to our 3rd story of the night. And that’s the story about the surgeon in Romania…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Who I’m sure…
Casey:
I have that article right here…
Jeff:
Deals with a lot of difficult issues, right?
Casey:
Well, anyone who’s ever worked in the medical profession will tell you that it’s a very high stress field.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And I think it’s somewhat under-appreciated. I mean, yes, they are well-paid. But at the same time, I think most people don’t appreciate kind of the level of stress that they are asked to operate under every day…
Jeff:
Especially in the 3rd world…
Casey:
Especially potentially… Yes, in the 3rd world country where the operating conditions may not be quite what they are here, for example.
Jeff:
Right. And also, just the amount of work that needs to be done in a particular day there, right?
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
The injuries are going to be vast. And so, it’s hard to imagine… I mean, we can imagine the kinds of stress that an American surgeon goes under. But…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Those in Romania, it’s even harder. So…
Casey:
Yes. Well, what happened here was that a man was having an operation that involved sort of operating near his urinary canal.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And unfortunately, during the operation, the surgeon or someone on the surgery team (it was not specific in the article) made a mistake that led to his urinary channel being cut. And the surgeon was so distraught…
Jeff:
Upset…
Casey:
At this…
Jeff:
’Cos he… Right. I mean, he’s a perfectionist.
Casey:
He wants this surgery to go…
Jeff:
Perfectly…
Casey:
You know, by the book, certainly. And he overreacted. And it led him to just simply slicing off the entire male member…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
From this patient and just dicing at it, basically, with his scalpel. Really kind of a sad moment, really, it seems like…
Jeff:
Right. And we don’t like to necessarily say that somebody was wrong but, I mean, this is fairly an objective, like… He could’ve chosen a better outlet for this.
Casey:
Absolutely.
Jeff:
Now, I understand the stress he’s under and that should be a consideration, certainly in any punishment he may face.
Casey:
Absolutely. That’s right. But at the same time, saying that someone was wrong to do something isn’t the same as saying that we don’t understand.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
We absolutely do understand, I think, both of us. I mean, I think… I’m sorry to… I don’t want to put words in your mouth there but I’m just saying in general…
Jeff:
I agree completely.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Right. In addition, he also took the removed genitalia and then diced it up. He actually became so enraged that he prevented it from being [ add on ] which is…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Kind of what I think is most people have focused on is, like, once he removed it… I mean, that was an act of anger.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
But there was some pre-meditation…
Casey:
After the…
Jeff:
That he was acting upon more than just emotion at that point.
Casey:
But I think we can all relate to that. I mean, I think we have all been in this situation where we have overreacted, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And we did something we really wish that we hadn’t done in the moment…
Jeff:
And we kinda make it worse.
Casey:
And we make it worse, right? We make it worse.
Jeff:
You’re fighting with your wife or your girlfriend…
Casey:
Absolutely.
Jeff:
You say something bad…
Casey:
Absolutely.
Jeff:
You feel bad about yourself and then you, take it out even worse…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Who hasn’t sent their child to bed without supper once. And that’s not… You should never do that. That’s not appropriate. And then…
Jeff:
But we don’t also want to tell people how to raise their kids, right? It’s like, everyone…
Casey:
Oh, absolutely. When I said “not appropriate”, I meant that it isn’t the most compassionate thing to do at the time…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And we all aspire to that…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But we can’t possibly achieve that, really. But the next day, when we all wake up, we feel bad about that and we try to make amends. And I’m sure that the surgeon absolutely wanted to take it back, if he could have…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But unfortunately, at that point, the genitalia had already been diced to the point where it was no longer usable.
Jeff:
Right. Right. Well, I think that there’s a more interesting part of the story than what everyone’s focusing on.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And that is the malpractice that happened there. The patient made a claim against it and the insurance company…
Casey:
Rightfully so, it would seem.
Jeff:
Right. And he did get a payment from the insurance company and from the hospital. But he also sued the surgeon who became angry…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
In this time of high stress… And the insurance company made the argument that they’re not going to cover the surgeon’s…
Casey:
Ah, yes. Because it’s not…
Jeff:
It’s like malice, right?
Casey:
Yeah, that’s right. It’s not negligence. It’s malice. It was not an accident. The original part where the urinary channel was cut was clearly negligence.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But the result of that where the surgeon flew off the handle, if you will…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It seems like that was not at all negligent but more of a malicious…
Jeff:
But it brings up a more interesting topic to me. And that is what are the surgeons in Romania going to do if they know that any time that they get too angry…
Casey:
That’s right. Where is the boundary there? Right.
Jeff:
That they may not be covered. I mean, this surgeon is being required to pay $200,000 which is a lot of money even in America…
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
But in Romania, it’s essentially an infinite amount of money.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Their economy is… Our economy is bad but their economy is even worse.
Casey:
Absolutely.
Jeff:
So yeah, I mean, there’s… The Medical Board makes the good point of, like, “Yes, we understand he was wrong but this is a slippery slope if the insurance company can start saying that mistakes were also malice, then the surgeon has to really consider the…”
Casey:
And how do we know which it was, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Maybe in this case, it was cut and dry. But, you know, we don’t actually know that for future cases. And maybe an insurance company is unable…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
’Cos I certainly don’t think an insurance company would intentionally do the wrong thing there. But they may simply not know.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You know, they may not have the information necessary.
Jeff:
Yeah. And I really don’t want to say that the Medical Board and insurance company is right or wrong here. I can see both sides of their arguments…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
This is a complicated issue…
Casey:
Well, even in this scenario…
Jeff:
And it needs to be considered. Right.
Casey:
Even in this scenario, I think there’s some level of ambiguity.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I mean, you’ll notice that he did not attack the patient with a scalpel.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
He was clearly focused entirely on the genitalia, which was the subject of his earlier mistake or someone’s earlier mistake. And do we really want to penalize someone for being so invested in their work that they eventually have an outburst related to that. I mean…
Jeff:
Well, I think…
Casey:
At some level, if you want someone to be very emotionally invested in what they’re doing, there are downsides that we have to acknowledge at some level.
Jeff:
Right. And certainly, I mean, he seems to have some sort of anger problem that he’ll have to get therapy for or something…
Casey:
Right. That’s true.
Jeff:
To work on that problem… But, I mean, he lost his medical license, that may be enough.
Casey:
That’s a pretty severe punishment at some level, yeah.
Jeff:
Or maybe, you know… I don’t know. Or maybe the insurance company is right. Maybe he should have to pay.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
It’s just… That’s the more interesting question of, like, what does it mean for medicine in Romania…
Casey:
There’s just a lot of gray areas…
Jeff:
Exactly.
Casey:
That this incident is almost ort of at the intersection of a number of very interesting sort of problems that we face as a society because it’s not just surgery. It could be…
Jeff:
It applies everywhere.
Casey:
It applies everywhere, absolutely.
Jeff:
Yeah. Well, again, I think…
Casey:
And not just to genitalia. I mean, it’s…
Jeff:
No, and that’s…
Casey:
Across all body parts…
Jeff:
That’s really the reason why the popular press has picked up and run with this is kind of the sensationalism that has to do with that.
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
Really…
Casey:
If it had been a finger, you would never had heard of it.
Jeff:
You need to think about this in all regards, right?
Casey:
Yeah. Well, but that’s just another example, too, of sometimes it takes something being about genitalia to catch our attention. But even so, as much as I hate to see press focused on these sort of rather lascivious, titillating sort of stories, at the end, we can even see that some good is from that…
Jeff:
Hopefully gonna come from it…
Casey:
Yeah. It means that people are starting to pay attention.
Jeff:
Yep, totally. Well, that feeds right into our next story which is certainly being made famous mostly because of the [ levatious ] nature of the story.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
And not really the underlying issue…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
I think you have the link up, right?
Casey:
Hold on a second. Let me switch to that.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
It is “Vicar Went to Hospital with Potato Stuck in Bottom” is the story.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
And the byline says, “A vicar attended hospital with a potato stuck up his bottom…”
Jeff:
Where was this?
Casey:
I’m sorry. This is… I’m not sure where it is. It doesn’t have the…
Jeff:
The way you said at hospital…
Casey:
Oh, I’m sorry, Sheffield.
Jeff:
Okay, Sheffield.
Casey:
Sheffield. So yeah, it is British, like you said, “at hospital”… “A vicar attended hospital with a potato stuck up his bottom and claimed it got there after he fell on to the vegetable while naked.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And so, there’s a lot of uproar and silliness jokes about this going around…
Casey:
Making light of it…
Jeff:
Right, making light of this. And they all miss the big picture.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And that is, how did this information even leave the hospital, right?
Casey:
That is an excellent point.
Jeff:
Right. Like, this poor man, I mean… Yes, there may be some interesting stuff in his story tat might make you wonder about it…
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
But that’s none of our business, first off…
Casey:
No, it is not. It is absolutely not.
Jeff:
And second off, even if it was something [ audacious ], it’s okay, right?
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
It’s in his home. But…
Casey:
What did Jesus say? He said, “Let he among you who is without fault cast the first stone.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You know, who has not had some sort of incident in their past that they would rather not have discussed…
Jeff:
Right, in public…
Casey:
In the mainstream media?
Jeff:
And certainly across the entire word…
Casey:
That’s right…
Jeff:
Where this is… You know, I mean, religion and the church right now…
Casey:
That’s right. We are not even in England…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And we are hearing about this story…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Because the world is so connected now…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Which is absolutely… I don’t want to say that’s a bad thing. That’s a good thing.
Jeff:
It’s wonderful.
Casey:
But it has downsides, again, just like everything. And this is one of those… This poor guy…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And the potato…
Jeff:
So how did this happen, exactly? Did he have…
Casey:
He was hanging curtains…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Which again, everyone has to do if they… You know, I defy the person out there with a windowed exterior to live without curtains.
Jeff:
Not having done this, right…
Casey:
I mean, they’re gonna have to hang curtains at some point. He was hanging curtains and, much like everyone, he slipped, lost his balance…
Jeff:
And fell…
Casey:
And fell on to the potato.
Jeff:
Well, I mean, you know, that’s an easy story to make fun of. And I think that’s the easy way out. But again, I think it just comes down to an issue or discussion of personal privacy. We should never have a society where you can’t go to the emergency room or to a doctor if you’re…
Casey:
And feel comfortable that they’re gonna keep that private.
Jeff:
Right. This is gonna end up on the internet and all over the world…
Casey:
Absolutely.
Jeff:
Right. And so, it’s an important thing that… I mean, it’s totally [ lost in this ] because everyone’s making fun of this especially in the light of all the trouble that the church has undergone recently.
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
Vicar is part of the Catholic church, correct?
Casey:
I don’t believe so. I believe he’s an Anglican.
Jeff:
Oh, okay.
Casey:
So to some… But I shouldn’t…
Jeff:
I mean, they’re getting some [ white wash, right? ]
Casey:
You are absolutely correct in that sense that originally, before England split from Catholicism, they were. So I should not have said that that was… That is absolutely correct, depending on your point of view.
Jeff:
Right. So I guess the thing, then, is I think a lot of this… I mean, it probably would’ve been somewhat covered if it was any person that fell on the potato. But the fact that he’s a man of God…
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
Especially with everything else that the church has undergone in e last decade or so…
Casey:
That’s right. Yeah.
Jeff:
Has really made it a sensational story. And that’s just not fair. He’s still a man and this is still his life.
Casey:
That’s true. Yes, and his potato.
Jeff:
Right. And how is he going to address his congregation, right? Like, his life…
Casey:
That’s right. He is a public speaker, in some sense, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s very similar to a politician, you know. And he needs to be taken seriously when he is delivering his sort of message to the populace. And I think now, that’s gonna be difficult for him to do because everyone’s gonna be focusing on the potato and not the…
Jeff:
Thinking about that.
Casey:
Right, the things that he has to say, which are probably totally valid and important things that they need to hear.
Jeff:
And important things to hear this time of year, right?
Casey:
Especially at Christmas. Especially at Christmas.
Jeff:
That’s when people want to go to church. That’s when people feel connected with…
Casey:
Absolutely…
Jeff:
With their God. So yeah, I mean… I felt really depressed by that story but hopefully…
Casey:
I see what you mean.
Jeff:
Hopefully, it’ll trigger a good debate about personal privacy and they can have some good come of it.
Casey:
I would like that. I absolutely would.
Jeff:
Okay, Casey, I think this is the time in the show where we like to play a little bit of music that kind of sets the mood.
Casey:
That’s right. Yes. Casey’s Music Minute (or 5 minutes, as the case may be usually, because songs are often about 3.5 to 5 minutes long, depending on the selection).
Jeff:
And we don’t like to usually play the entire song because some people might not like it and we want everyone to have as positive experience as they can.
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
So it’s a little taste…
Casey:
That’s right. It’s a sample.
Jeff:
And if you like it, you can kind of go track that down and buy the CD.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I think you’ll like it.
Casey:
And maybe, at Christmas time, I’d like to think that these are good recommendations for maybe some gift-giving, you know, maybe a little stocking stuffer, something you could put under the tree for the kids…
Jeff:
For the special someone.
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
And this is from your personal collection.
Casey:
This is… I’ve selected a wonderful track from my personal collection. And I have this on vinyl, actually, which is great. I was able to find a real original record recording of it.
Jeff:
Yeah, that’s amazing because so many people, when CD’s came on the scene, just threw away their old albums. And you get such a rich sound out of the original vinyl.
Casey:
It’s true. And again, you know, I hate to say that vinyl was better or worse than CD’s, though, because it’s really… They’re all just… They’re different ways of capturing a moment, you know?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
And I don’t think there’s a wrong way to capture…
Jeff:
For my favorite music, I have them both. So I think…
Casey:
That’s a fabulous… That’s a great idea. And you know, if you can scrounge up an old tape, you know, why not? That’s what I say, right?
Jeff:
Right. Let’s have a listen.
Casey:
Alright.
music] Jeff:
Okay, that was fantastic, Casey.
Casey:
Wasn’t that delightful?
Jeff:
Yeah. What was that?
Casey:
That was a track called “Little Drummer Boy”. I’m sure you’re familiar with that song.
Jeff:
Sure.
Casey:
Off of Kenny G’s…
Jeff:
Kenny G.
Casey:
“Miracles” album which is an album for the holidays. It’s a great album of sort of Kenny G classical holiday song renditions, if you will. And you know, I’d just like to say…
Jeff:
It brings the holiday home…
Casey:
It does. It absolutely does. I like pretty much everything he does. He just has a way with the saxophone that just really… It’s so soothing. And it just kinda…
Jeff:
Yep. Kind of the original song… I don’t want to take anything away from the original songs but his covers are spectacular. Like, I…
Casey:
Absolutely. I mean, his original songs are obviously also spectacular.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But…
Jeff:
His covers…
Casey:
His covers in particular are, if not more so spectacular.
Jeff:
Let’s talk about this final story.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Okay. So this is a story, again lost in the popular press, the real issue behind it. Why don’t you read the headline?
Casey:
So, the headline is “Storm in a C-Cup, 130,000 Boobs Lost at Sea”.
Jeff:
Right. That’s 65,000 pairs. What happened exactly?
Casey:
That’s a very good question. And I think that we are not the only ones who are confused as to what sort of happened to the boobs…
Jeff:
You mean like the authorities?
Casey:
Yeah. So apparently, there were (according to the manifest) 130,000 inflatable breasts on sort of this shipping vessel that was leaving Beijing and going to Australia.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
And they were on when it left but not when it arrived.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
And so, to some degree, it is an unanswered question as to what actually happened to them.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
There’s been piracy problems, certainly, lately on the high seas.
Jeff:
They were washed over?
Casey:
They more than likely were washed overboard. I suppose it may also have been just an honest mistake. Maybe the logs were… You know, there was just an error. Someone made a mistake.
Jeff:
Well, these inflatable breasts, these were for a men’s magazine in Australia, right?
Casey:
It was a magazine called Ralph magazine.
Jeff:
I see. Not familiar with it.
Casey:
Of course not.
Jeff:
We can assume that that’s probably what it is.
Casey:
I’m sure.
Jeff:
We don’t want to promote the objectification of women, certainly.
Casey:
Absolutely not. Absolutely not.
Jeff:
But, you know, freedom of press is important. And they had their… This was, I assume, a special thing for their subscribers for the holiday season.
Casey:
Well, it’s important to recognize, I think, when we’re talking about a men’s magazine that the objectification of women goes a lot deeper than just a men’s magazine.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I mean, if you look at, for example…
Jeff:
They aren’t solely to blame, right?
Casey:
They’re not even the primary people at this point. I mean, you have… Look at, for example, mainstream media coverage of, like, for example Angelina Jolie, you know… I mean, there is a woman who has done a number of extremely positive things in the world with the adoption and raising awareness of the situations in 3rd world countries…
Jeff:
Goodwill Ambassador of the United States.
Casey:
Absolutely. Absolutely. And you don’t really hear about it.
Jeff:
Ignored, right?
Casey:
Absolutely ignored. And that’s unfortunate because that’s really… When I think of her, that’s primarily how I…
Jeff:
Try to imagine…
Casey:
Exactly.
Jeff:
Right. Certainly why the popular press has jumped on this story…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
But we’re not trying to say that we necessarily read these magazines or subscribe. But it’s okay. I mean, you can totally do that. And I can understand if you were looking forward to something this magazine was gonna provide and then it was taken out from under you that you’d be upset, right? Like, you know, maybe… Like in Sports Illustrated, they give you silly phones and things like that…
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
And this just part of the subscription…
Casey:
And a lot of times, too… Yeah, that’s sort of included in the subscription flyer, if you will. It’s like, “Also, you get a…” I don’t know if you got 1 boob or 2 with every subscription… I mean, it could’ve very well been something where if you subscribed for 3 or 6 months, then it’s one boob but a full, for example, 12-month subscription, you get a pair.
Jeff:
Yeah. So I guess the thing that upsets me, though, is not… Since it was a men’s magazine and since it was kind of a silly gift…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
People are focusing on just the absurdity of the story, not the fact that the likelihood of them being swept overboard…
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
Is going to just feed into this same huge garbage problem that we have in the Pacific Ocean, the largest landfill in the world…
Casey:
That’s absolutely true.
Jeff:
Is actually a floating landfill in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. And those are likely to eventually join that landfill and make things worse. And we don’t know…
Casey:
That’s a very good point.
Jeff:
What effect it’ll have on marine life…
Casey:
Absolutely. There’s been no studies done. We do not know the effect of even a single boob, for example, being present…
Jeff:
Let alone 130,000…
Casey:
Let alone 130,000 of these…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And again, they are inflatable. And so, they’re not even going to appear to the marine life as normal boobs. They’re going to appear as fairly shriveled or somewhat dilapidated boob. And that’s… I mean, who knows how they’re going to respond to that.
Jeff:
Yeah, I mean… And also, they could eat them. They could [inaudible 27:08] at sea
Casey:
They could absolutely… Yes.
Jeff:
And they’re probably not made with the best chemicals. I mean, we don’t want to cast aspersions on Chinese-made products. But a lot of times, their quality control isn’t as stringent. There could be dangerous chemicals.
Casey:
I mean, again, it’s not even that. Again, it’s just people doing what their job is.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
People are increasingly turning to their manufacturing because they can do something for a lower cost.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I mean, they are providing that service. And so, again, it’s not really fair to say that the products are inferior at that point because that is what you’ve asked, you know…
Jeff:
But that’s not what they’re designed…
Casey:
That’s not what they’re designed to do…
Jeff:
They didn’t tell the Chinese manufacturer that these might be dumped overboard…
Casey:
That’s right. And they should not have been.
Jeff:
And be designed for aquatic life…
Casey:
Right, exactly.
Jeff:
Right. I mean, that’s just kind of getting swept under the covers, if you will. And it’s gonna be a problem. And I just hope it ends up fine. I don’t want to blame the dock workers. And you don’t want to blame, certainly, the ship captain who maybe made a mistake…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
But I think they need to track it down because we don’t know what’s gonna happen.
Casey:
And blame is really such a dirty word. I mean, at some level, that’s not how you move forward, you know…
Jeff:
Yep. We just don’t want to make the same mistake.
Casey:
That’s not how you move forward. You just don’t want to make the same mistake again. I think that I am 100% certain that everyone involved with this boob mistake…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Feels badly about it and they did not want those boobs overboard any more than you or I or anyone else.
Jeff:
Right. They were just trying to fulfill what they were contracted to do.
Casey:
That’s right. Absolutely. And it’s a rough voyage, I’m sure. You know, I don’t envy anyone who has to do that…
Jeff:
Yeah, I sure wouldn’t want to…
Casey:
Exactly. And so, they’re trying their very best to make things work and this kind of accident, I’m sure, happens once in a while.
Jeff:
That’s gonna do it for our show today.
Casey:
I feel like this was a really good show.
Jeff:
Yeah, me, too.
Casey:
I think our other shows were good, too, though. I mean, I don’t think that this show is necessarily…
Jeff:
That much better or worse than the others…
Casey:
Right, but I…
Jeff:
Yeah. I like it.
Casey:
Just a good show.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And I hope that our listeners can keep sending us the things that interest them. And you can email us at Podcast@JeffAndCaseyShow.com.
Casey:
Yeah, anything that you like.
Jeff:
Anything that you like, and we’ll take a look at it and we’ll talk about it and try to see both sides of the story at the Jeff & Casey Show.
Casey:
And I have absolutely enjoyed everything that they’ve sent in.
Jeff:
Yeah, me, too. I’ve enjoyed this talk, Casey. It’s always good to have…
Casey:
I always feel good…
Jeff:
Yeah, afterwards…
Casey:
After we sort of go through these issues and really see that it’s all okay…
Jeff:
Yep. We should [inaudible 29:42] Yeah.
Casey:
That’s a great idea. Let’s do that.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
We’ll talk to everyone next week.
Casey:
Okay, have a good week.
music] Jeff:
Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Jeff & Casey Show.
Casey:
Hello, and welcome to the Jeff & Casey Show.
Jeff:
It’s December. We’re getting ready for Christmas.
Casey:
I have to tell you. We may be getting ready for Christmas but I woke up this morning in, like, a cold sweat.
Jeff:
I don’t like the sound of this.
Casey:
Yeah. I had the worst fucking nightmare.
Jeff:
Oh, I see.
Casey:
It was like… I was listening to the podcast, the Jeff & Casey Show podcast, and it was us talking. It was me talking and you talking and shit. But everything we said…
Jeff:
Right…
Casey:
Was super positive.
Jeff:
Oh, my God.
Casey:
We were, like, Christmas-ed and Jesus-ed out and we were, like, “It’s so happy to be here.” And I agreed with stuff you said, which right off the bat we know is a problem…
Jeff:
How come that didn’t wake you up? Because that should’ve been like…
Casey:
I know. I would think I would’ve… But it actually went on for, like, 30 minutes.
Jeff:
30 minutes?
Casey:
Like, I don’t know how long it was…
Jeff:
Like, half a full show?
Casey:
Half a full show, roughly.
Jeff:
Holy shit.
Casey:
I never want this to happen again.
Jeff:
Yeah, that sounds…
Casey:
If it happens again, I’m quitting. I’m quitting the show.
Jeff:
It’s gotten too much into your subconscious?
Casey:
Oh, it’s disgusting. It reminds me why I’m so happy about being rude and negative about things because, holy crap, positive is boring and annoying.
Jeff:
Yes. That’s awesome.
Casey:
You know?
Jeff:
Well, speaking of boring and annoying, let’s talk about this Wal-Mart shit, okay.
Casey:
Yeah, right.
Jeff:
Alright. So what we’ve got going on here is Black Friday… Okay, first off, there’s fucking people camping outside the Wal-Mart. Like, what the fuck?
Casey:
Let me tell you. I read this headline and I thought it said, “Throng of Unruly Black. Friday Bargain Hunters Knocked Down Door.” I’m like, “They’re always pointing out the Black thing again, right?”
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
They’re like, dumping on minorities, right? That’s what I thought that… Then I read it again and was like, “Oh, Black Friday.”
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
I don’t know… You know, where I come from, if you’re going to introduce a word like that, then you really ought to have some kind of way of letting us know…
Jeff:
Hyphenating?
Casey:
Hyphenated or something…
Jeff:
Well, my thing was, “Look, Wal-Mart shoppers can’t fucking trample shit. They’re fat and overweight…”
Casey:
No, that means they can trample…
Jeff:
One guy stepped on him…
Casey:
So that means they can…
Jeff:
The first guy…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Trampled by Wal-Mart shoppers is the worst thing. You want to be at some kind of a model convention or something, right?
Jeff:
No, no. See, that’s just it…
Casey:
You want to be trampled by lightweight people…
Jeff:
No, you get trampled by lightweight people, you die over a long period of time.
Casey:
I see what you’re saying.
Jeff:
The first motherfucker that stepped on him…
Casey:
That’s a good point.
Jeff:
Crushed. Dead. Right?
Casey:
It’s kind of like a guillotine. It’s quick…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Just get it over with…
Jeff:
Yes, get out of the way…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It’s like…
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
Fucking cattle coming in the door…
Casey:
I see what you’re saying.
Jeff:
Screaming in…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And everybody’s shocked and outraged by, like, “This is such a terrible story.” I’m like, “If you’re working at Wal-Mart, you deserve it,” right?
Casey:
It’s all bad. No, you don’t deserve it.
Jeff:
No, you do.
Casey:
You’re probably hoping for that, right? You’re like…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“I hope to fucking God I get trampled this morning because my life sucks. The people who are about to trample me, their life sucks…”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Everything sucks. And I hope this entire place is burned down.
Jeff:
Do you think he was the fucking greeter? “Hey, welcome to Wa--… Aaaah!”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Motherfucker.
Casey:
Oh, God.
Jeff:
Yeah. No, so I was like, “This is awesome. Merry fucking Christmas.”
Casey:
You think he continued to do a good job?
Jeff:
“Good… Argh…”
Casey:
“Welcome to Wal-Mart. Ow… Welcome to Wal-Mart. Ahhh…”
Jeff:
As long as he could.
Casey:
I have no idea.
Jeff:
That is awesome. There was also… You know, the other thing was people were mad that they closed the store. They’re like, “Look, people…” They still had the body on the side of the store…
Casey:
Are you serious? They were upset about that?
Jeff:
And people were pissed… Yeah, the people that missed the trampling were like, “What do you fucking mean Wal-Mart’s not open? It’s Black Friday. I don’t fucking care.”
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
Dude. It was bananas.
Casey:
Everything about this story is terrible.
Jeff:
It’s fucking awesome.
Casey:
Let’s start with the fact that you’re lining up for… What the fuck is gonna be at Wal-Mart on Black Friday that isn’t there every other goddamned day of the week?
Jeff:
Exactly.
Casey:
You can’t have a sale at Wal-Mart…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Because they already charge below manufacturer prices for everything and, like, force the manufacturers to suck it up.
Jeff:
You’re not getting negative numbers.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
You’re not getting a TV for free, right?
Casey:
Yeah. They’re not gonna…
Jeff:
And a check…
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
Fuckers.
Casey:
“Here’s a $500 check to accept this television.”
Jeff:
Goddamn it.
Casey:
I have no idea.
Jeff:
No, it is totally the way it should’ve gone.
Casey:
Well, the best part is, of course, Wal-Mart, you know, being super puritanical pieces of shit that they are…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Won’t stock, like, you know, a Hard R movie or something…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
But you can go watch someone get trampled to death. That’s fine. No problem. You can go watch someone get trampled to death, live. And that’s something that you’ll see at Wal-Mart. But God forbid you see a video game with blood in it or something.
Jeff:
And the Wal-Mart employee that survives is like, “Are you not entertained?”
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Circus.
Jeff:
Exactly. It’s awesome. Alright, so is Romania a 3rd world country? Does that count?
Casey:
Let’s say yes because I think, historically speaking, our geography on this podcast is bad enough that no one is expecting us to know.
Jeff:
So the next time…
Casey:
We confused Sweden and Switzerland…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Neither of which were 3rd world countries. So at this point, it seems like anything goes.
Jeff:
Yeah, alright. Well, just remind me next time I have a kidney stone, don’t go to fucking Romania.
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
Because there’s a fucking maniac…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Like, this is worse than…
Casey:
Do you value your urinary canal? That’s…
Jeff:
Fucking Friday 13th to me…
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
I’m reading this story, I winced 20 times during this, right…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So the dude gets his unit removed in a fit of anger, right? So the dude just sliced…
Casey:
Right. We don’t actually know… Nowhere in the article about this dude having his penis mutilated by his surgeon… Nowhere did it actually mention what they were actually supposed to be repairing. For all we know, it was…
Jeff:
His elbow. Tennis elbow…
Casey:
Right. Yeah, exactly, tennis elbow or he had to have a ligament of his knee… Right? But somehow, they accidentally cut his urinary canal…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And as a result, the doctor was so upset about this… This is the equivalent of you slamming your keyboard, right?
Jeff:
No, it’s…
Casey:
It’s like, he takes it out on the penis and just fucking goes at it with a scalpel.
Jeff:
No, I think it’s the equivalent of, like, your parents… Like, “If you guys don’t shut up, I’m gonna turn around.” Right? It’s an empty threat they always use.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
This parent turned around. He cut… He’s like…
Casey:
Yeah. He cut the penis right off.
Jeff:
“Look, you made a mistake? Fine. Look, I’ll make a mistake, too.” Cuts it off. And then the dicing… Like, is he gonna make minced meat pie? It is Christmas. I don’t know what the fuck that was about. I mean, you’d think you would’ve got your anger rocks off on the cut, right? Literally off… But no, it wasn’t enough.
Casey:
Well, I’m guessing… I think I know why it wasn’t enough. Like, I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a scalpel, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
But the problem with a scalpel is it’s somewhat of a precision instrument. So it’s like, when you want to hack a penis off, you want a fucking Santoku knife or something, right? You want to go like, “shwing”… And have that nice kind of clean cut sound…
Jeff:
Yeah, the cleave.
Casey:
Hits the block, right, and goes, “bang”, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So he probably sliced it off with a scalpel and was like, totally unsatisfied, right? Another possible was that he went psycho butcher, not like mad butcher…
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Where he, like, sliced it off. And with this look in his eye, carved it like a fucking steak.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
He just went like… Like the Grinch stole fucking Christmas. You know what I’m talking about? He himself cut the roast wiener…
Jeff:
Well, I think it was more like the guys that cut the carrots really fast on the cooking shows where they’re like…
Casey:
Well, as I said, Santoku, right? You want to…
Jeff:
Yep. Slice that off and add the pepperoni.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
So, no. This whole thing was…
Casey:
Sean is squirming, over there.
Jeff:
I’m squirming.
Casey:
He just literally squirmed. He squirmed in the chair.
Jeff:
This is the most fucked up story I’ve ever heard. The other awesome thing is, like, the hospital’s like, “We’re going to repair his penis from some skin from his arm or his palm.”
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Did you read that?
Casey:
Yes, I did.
Jeff:
This is the worst unit, ever.
Casey:
Pun intended.
Jeff:
Yeah. I have no idea… You give this guy a Viagra, he’s like, high fiving people. He can’t help it. Something’s going on. Like, I don’t want that. That’s like when people sow a fucking big toe on for your thumb.
Casey:
Right. There’s a big old fingernail at the end of your cock now and you’re like, “What the fuck is this?” Right? It’s like, “I’m so not getting laid unless it’s really dark.”
Jeff:
“It’s time to clip again.” Right.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. Oh, that’d be the worst because you know what happens, at least for me when I’m thinking about something…
Jeff:
Oh, no. Don’t say it!
Casey:
I chew my fingernails.
Jeff:
Ugh!
Casey:
I habitually chew them and pick at them. So if my penis has a fucking toenail at the end of it…
Jeff:
You’re like…
Casey:
I don’t even know what’s gonna happen there, right? And I’m gonna get a hangnail…
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
It’s gonna get fucking infected…
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
That is just gonna suck.
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
I could not have that. I could not have a fingernail on the end of my penis.
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
That would be a disaster for me, right? That is just total fucking disaster.
Jeff:
Goddamn it!
Casey:
Here’s the thing, right, with this hospital… What do you think that situation’s like when the dude comes to? How do you explain this to someone? It’s one thing if they’re like…
Jeff:
No, wait…
Casey:
If they’re in the moment. If they see the shock and horror of their penis getting cleaved off…
Jeff:
You know what they need to do? No, no, no…
Casey:
But he comes to…
Jeff:
I’ve got it.
Casey:
What do you say? So, like…
Jeff:
No, no. I’ve got it.
Casey:
What have you got?
Jeff:
You hire the guy who’s at the Burger King who’s always freaking out, right?
Casey:
Oh, the no beef dude?
Jeff:
Yeah. You hire the no beef dude. He’s like…
Casey:
“No penis!”
Jeff:
Right. “Look, I got good news and bad news,” right?
Casey:
“Bad news is doctor hacked up your penis. Good news is we stuck a toe on there.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“It’s totally sweet.”
Jeff:
“A 12-inch toe.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
“And you can bend it. Chicks are gonna dig it.”
Casey:
Awesome.
Jeff:
“You can do pushups with no arms. It’s fucking awesome.”
Casey:
So, I wonder if they have a special… ‘Cos I mean… I’m just thinking about the marketing opportunities here. I’m imagining that Trojan has a line of condoms for the rebuilt penis, right? It’s like, you know, designed to fit comfortably over the rebuilt…
Jeff:
The bobbit…
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. I don’t even know how you advertise that.
Jeff:
I don’t want to know, like…
Casey:
I don’t think it’ll be that bad because a lot of the nastiness of a toe comes from, A, the fact that it’s touching the ground a lot and, B, the fact that there’s a valley between toes where shit builds up, right?
Jeff:
Dude…
Casey:
And since you only have just the toe coming out, right…
Jeff:
No, dude…
Casey:
It seems fine.
Jeff:
You’re gonna have sweat glands on your cock now. It’s like, they could fingerprint…
Casey:
What do you mean?
Jeff:
Maybe they… Like, if you rape…
Casey:
When was the last time you had sweaty toes? You’re like, “Oh, my toes are real sweaty.”
Jeff:
If you rape somebody, they’re going to take a thumbprint of your unit, right? To compare it to some database, you know, beep… Biometric security at its best.
Casey:
Oh, my God. The raped kid is a fucking ink pad.
Jeff:
Yeah. “Can you please…”
Casey:
“Can you put your cock on this for a second?”
Jeff:
“Yes, please… Roll it from the left to the right.” Goddamn it.
Casey:
Yeah, roll it. Roll it over. Oh, my God… And press it down.
Jeff:
I guess it’s a Romanian hospital. They should be happy that they didn’t get it from, like, a pig or some other trans-genital…
Casey:
“Oh, I stubbed my cock.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“Goddamn it. Who put that there? Who left that there?”
Jeff:
“I hate when I stub my cock.”
Casey:
“Goddamned kids.”
Jeff:
Oh, my God. The worst hospital ever. Fucking Romania.
Casey:
Well, I imagine that Romania isn’t in the top 10 list, right. It’s not like Johns Hopkins and, like…
Jeff:
You think that’s the best hospital in Romania…
Casey:
Oh, that would be awesome. But the best hospital in Romania is probably the 1,500th best hospital in the world, right?
Jeff:
In the world, right, that’s true.
Casey:
Pretty low down in the totem pole.
Jeff:
Our Romanian listeners are all checking out right now. Fucking Romanians.
Casey:
What else have you got for me on the…
Jeff:
Well, we got potato boy, fucking potato boy.
Casey:
This was awesome.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
So, the thing that I like here was the complete disregard for any need for a prepared excuse, right? Okay, the dude is a fucking member of the clergy, okay? He is going to a hospital with a potato stuck up his asshole, okay. There is a potato…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Now, I don’t think…
Jeff:
His toe is completely erect.
Casey:
This is not a fingerling potato, I’m betting. I’m betting this is full on Yukon Gold, “bring out the beef potato”, right, stuck in this guy’s ass…
Jeff:
Well, this was in England so it’s probably some Irish potato, right?
Casey:
Irish potato. That’s a good point. Irish potato, probably…
Jeff:
The potato famine…
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
In his ass.
Casey:
So it’s probably a huge potato, going to the emergency room… And his excuse was he was hanging curtains and fell on the potato.
Jeff:
Yeah, totally.
Casey:
He had the entire ride to the hospital…
Jeff:
To come up with something, yep…
Sean:
Well, during the ride, he was thinking God will provide.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
And he didn’t, I guess. I guess God did not provide an excuse. Right.
Jeff:
God said, “You know what, you’re on your own, motherfucker.”
Casey:
It’s like, “Dude, I’ve got nothing.”
Jeff:
“Motherfucker, you are on your own.”
Casey:
“I’ve got nothing.” It’s like, Immaculate Conception is one thing…”
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
“Parting the Red Sea is another. But coming up with a reason why this potato is up your ass…”
Jeff:
Immaculate potato would’ve been way better because…
Casey:
Right. It just appeared there.
Jeff:
Right. It would’ve been a shrine…
Casey:
The potato just appeared there.
Jeff:
Right. Everyone would be looking at it…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It’s the virgin ass.
Casey:
Right. Almost every other incident of potato up the ass that we know about, somebody had to actually shove the potato up there. But this time, it just magically appeared.
Jeff:
Magically appeared.
Casey:
The angel came down and said, “You’re gonna love this. Bend over.”
Jeff:
“I got a present for you.”
Casey:
And a potato magically materialized.
Jeff:
And then, 200 years later, you’re taking sacrament and they’re potato chips.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly, brown potato chips.
Jeff:
Goddamn it!
Casey:
Chocolate-covered potato chips.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
There’s always something… Like, it’s like the blood of Christ is wine so the potato would definitely have… It wouldn’t actually have pieces on it…
Jeff:
Here’s the thing. He said he was hanging those curtains naked…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Which means the priest was naked in front of his window before he put the curtains on.
Casey:
Yeah, good point.
Jeff:
Right?
Casey:
Good point.
Jeff:
So like…
Casey:
Slight hole in the story there…
Jeff:
He’s either some deviant who’s just shaking it…
Casey:
Yeah, spreading out his junk…
Jeff:
Or he put the potato up his ass. Like, either way…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I think you want to call the central office and ask for a replacement.
Casey:
I could not agree. Dude has his 11th toe dangling up the fucking window…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
While he’s got these curtains spread out from side to side, right? That’s no good. So if the story is true, it’s bad, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
If it’s false, it’s bad.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s all bad, pretty much.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I would also like to know what he’s envisioning in his mind, physically, for the backward sort of fall…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Such that the butt cheeks enclosed this potato…
Jeff:
Just perfectly…
Casey:
Did he have the potato on a mount so it was kind of protruding upwards? ‘Cos a potato’s gonna be the wrong way, lying down to get up the anus, right? I’m imagining…
Jeff:
So here’s the thing, he had this terrible excuse. What else do you use? Like, you were out walking around and someone shot you with a potato gun? Like, you’re fucked. You go to the emergency room with the potato, don’t say anything. At this point, you’re just like, take your medicine because…
Casey:
I’m going with “somebody assaulted me and shoved a potato up my ass”, right?
Jeff:
Oh, I see. Yeah.
Casey:
It’s like…
Jeff:
Some Protestant.
Casey:
Yeah. I don’t know. Like, anything is more plausible than what this guy said, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I’m not saying that that’s super plausible but I’m just saying something that actually does involve someone shoving the potato up your ass…
Jeff:
That’s an excellent idea, yeah…
Casey:
Is pretty much a requirement because I’m pretty sure that in the history of human evolution…
Jeff:
[ Roman ] games of homosexuals, [ stuffing potatoes ]…
Casey:
That’s exactly… There you go.
Jeff:
Yeah. And that’s why they can’t get married.
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
Otherwise, there’s potatoes fucking everywhere. We’re going bananas.
Casey:
Right. The sanctity of marriage.
Jeff:
Right. The sanctity of my ass.
Casey:
I don’t think a potato has ever accidentally ended up someone’s ass. I’m pretty sure that that probably has never happened. There’s a lot of weird things that happen in the world…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
But at least the size of the potato that I’m imagining this was, not random, right?
Jeff:
So do you think this guy, like, tried to get it out for a while?
Casey:
Oh, of course.
Jeff:
Like, tried it with a spatula or, like… He’s like, “Oh, shit. It’s clothes off…”
Casey:
Well, I’m imagining that he had been putting it in and taking it out multiple times prior to this occurrence, right?
Jeff:
So it just, like, slipped in…
Casey:
A little too far…
Jeff:
Right…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Too much lube…
Casey:
Too much swelling…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It’s in there and he’s like, “Oh, fuck.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So, what do you think? A day? Half a day?
Casey:
I don’t know.
Jeff:
When is that potato ready to come out of the oven?
Casey:
I want to say that on the 3rd day, the potato came out again….
Jeff:
The 3rd day…
Casey:
The potato came out again. It emerged from the cave, reappeared to the French fries and said…
Jeff:
The potato came again…
Casey:
It came again and said, “Behold. Here I am.”
Jeff:
Damn it.
Casey:
It didn’t actually say whether it was peeled or not. I was imagining an unpeeled potato.
Jeff:
Yeah, me, too.
Casey:
Because if it was a peeled potato, then he’s gonna be like, “Oh, I was in the middle of peeling the potatoes when I realized that the window was open and I wanted to cover it so I got up there and started hanging the curtains naked because I hadn’t finished my laundry…”
Jeff:
Yeah, I’m imagining…
Casey:
I’m like, wow, that’s a hard one to pull off.
Jeff:
Oh, my God.
Sean:
Maybe he’s only got 1 set of vicar…
Casey:
That’s a good point. Maybe that’s the problem.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
That’s true. Sean is pointing out the fact that it’s possible that he didn’t have any clean vicar clothes ‘cos there’s a certain outfit that you have to wear when preparing potato-oriented meals…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You know, everyone…
Jeff:
So that means he had to wait for the vicar robes to come out of the dryer…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Before he could call the police.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Because he’s sitting there, naked, just going, “Oh, God! Oh, God! Spin cycle! Spin cycle!”
Casey:
So here’s another question, right… If this dude is a vicar, like… I don’t know, at least in the Catholic faith, I know that there’s a lot of blessings… Was this a holy potato? Had he blessed the potato? Like, it was on his counter… I don’t know. It was out. Did he bless… Was it a blessed potato? Was it a holy potato?
Jeff:
No, this is a demon potato. This is a demon potato. Demon potato got in and did not get out.
Casey:
I see.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Out. Out, demon!
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
I’m going to need a potato exorcism.
Jeff:
Exactly.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Oh, my God.
Casey:
Do you want to move on to the breasts?
Jeff:
You want to hit the breasts story?
Casey:
So, Jeff, 130,000 inflatable breasts start out in Beijing…
Jeff:
And ended up in Miami?
Casey:
And never make it to Australia…
Jeff:
What’s the beach that’s going to have the most silicone? Like, somewhere in California or…
Casey:
But that’s just the thing. These were not implants. These were fake, whole, entire fake breasts, okay.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So the idea is that you inflate this breast…
Jeff:
Alright…
Casey:
I assume by blowing into another… Oh, if they’re smart, the nipple. It’s the nipple. You inflate the breast to… Everyone knows the proper PSI for breasts is, like, 15 pounds/square inch, really…
Jeff:
Right. It’s written on the side if you don’t.
Casey:
Well, what you’re supposed to do, actually…
Jeff:
Is put the tire gauge…
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. Well, what you do is you take a penny, right…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And you stick the penny in between the 2 breasts. And if it goes all the way in, then they’re still usable.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
They’re still gonna be good.
Jeff:
You don’t have to replace them.
Casey:
After that, if you still can see some of the penny, if you can see the head of George… If George Washington’s head doesn’t go all the way in between the breasts…
Jeff:
If you see George Washington smile, then…
Casey:
No, if his head doesn’t go all the way in between the breasts…
Jeff:
I’m with you.
Casey:
If you still can see some of his head popping out…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So what happened, now? So these are inflatable breasts…
Casey:
Inflatable breasts that were going to be given out as a subscription bonus to Ralph Magazine.
Jeff:
Wow, keep it classy, Ralph.
Casey:
Keeping it classy.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Right. This is a news magazine, apparently.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
Where is this again?
Casey:
This is in… Well, it’s Beijing going to Australia.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So the breasts left Beijing, never reached to Australia. So where do you want to consider this “happening”, I don’t know. It’s up to you.
Jeff:
I don’t really get this…
Casey:
Somewhere in the middle of the sea.
Jeff:
Are they just completely free-floating… Like, I’ve seen the sex toys for guys that are basically, like, vag on a stick. What’s the breasts? I don’t understand. Are they… Do they have a picture of this in the article?
Casey:
No, they don’t have a picture but I’m imagining that it’s not…
Jeff:
Did they have a Wanted picture of, like, some breasts, Wanted, Reward…
Casey:
It’s not Wanted. It’s Missing.
Jeff:
Missing. Okay.
Casey:
It’s on a milk carton.
Jeff:
Very appropriate.
Casey:
“Have you seen this, 130,000 boobs?”
Jeff:
Right. Okay.
Casey:
I don’t know the answer to your question. I was imagining that it was not a sex toy. I was actually imagining that it was more of a party ha-ha favor.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
I was imagining that it wasn’t meant to be like a simulated boob squeeze device because it’s inflatable.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Right? I’m imagining that it’s kind of like a chintzy, plastic-y thing…
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Not like a “trying to simulate the feel of breasts”.
Jeff:
I see. I see.
Casey:
But I don’t know. Again, the article, woefully lacking in the details that I want to know…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Just like you, I would like to know the purpose of these breasts.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
What were they for?
Jeff:
And where we can get some…
Casey:
Where we can get some of these… They had 130,000 breasts and you can’t get me one?
Jeff:
The Jeff & Casey Show…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Should’ve been 1st on the list.
Casey:
Jesus Christ, people…
Jeff:
Goddamn it.
Casey:
How hard is this? I mean, I’m kind of desperate here. I haven’t had a potato up my ass in months.
Jeff:
Oh, my God. Yeah, I don’t get it at all. I kind of imagine a little inflatable…
Casey:
I’m getting blue toe over here.
Jeff:
I got a bad case of the blue toe.
Casey:
I got a bad case of the blue toe. I guess that’s… If you have a toe with a nail as a penis…
Jeff:
Stop…
Casey:
That gives a while different… Like, “Oh, I nailed that.” Like, “I would like to nail that,” right?
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
It’s like… Yeah…
Jeff:
Stop it. Oh, goddamn it.
Casey:
Yeah, exa--… Nice.
Jeff:
Damn it.
Casey:
Nails and trim. Awesome. Sean Barrett with the assist.
Jeff:
That is not the way it should go.
Casey:
So, I don’t know the situation with these. I’m imagining… Like, in my head (and this is not that dissimilar from what I would imagine normally)… I’m just thinking of kind of a swarm of jellyfish. But instead, they’re all breasts, floating in the ocean…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Kind of like a mermaid scene…
Jeff:
In my imperialist mind, I imagine some unknown island full of natives with crazy bones in their nose and stuff. And then, the largest flock of inflatable breasts wash on site and they invent entire religions around this huge, 130,000…
Casey:
Well, see, when you said “imperial”, I went a different route. I thought you were… I was thinking you were going to be… It’s like a beach landing. Like, the breasts attack. It’s like the invasion of Normandy or something where it’s like…
Jeff:
1812 officers, like…
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. Double D Day! Dude, Sean, we gotta get you a microphone for this one. You’re on a roll. Double D Day, awesome!
Jeff:
Oh, man.
Casey:
That is perfect.
Jeff:
Call of Duty…
Casey:
Call of Booty…
Jeff:
Call of Booby…
Casey:
Call of Booby… Double D Day…
Jeff:
Right. And you play with these inflatable breasts.
Casey:
Oh…
Jeff:
Oh, my God. No, that is not the way it should go. That is not the way it should go. So, Casey, you had a mixed-up metaphor for us.
Casey:
I always have a mixed-up metaphor, Jeff.
Jeff:
Yep. This is a great one. I read this one this morning…
Casey:
When we say that I have a mixed-up metaphor, what we really mean is that…
Jeff:
The universe…
Casey:
I don’t know what you want to call them. They’re commentators, usually. The people who come up with these mixed-up metaphors are people whose job it is to talk to the press. Either they’re analysts or they’re a PR person. They are almost like they went to school, like, the Communications Degree they got included a “How to Fuck Up Even the Most Basic Metaphor” class. And they got an A. They got a fucking A+ in that.
Jeff:
Right, exactly.
Casey:
Straight 5’s or 4’s or whatever the fuck you get in colleges.
Jeff:
No, they get an alligator or something…
Casey:
Yeah, they got a crocodile and stuff… Yeah.
Jeff:
Because it’s not going to be…
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. Well, it’s a mixed-up metaphor. So I’m not sure exactly what it would be. Like, instead of saying, “I was the top of the class,” you’d be like… I’m trying… I can’t even do it. I don’t know how to do it. Things always make sense in my head. I line things up in a way that actually works in the real world, unlike these people who seem to be living in some fantasy world where, like…
Jeff:
I think their mouths just get going…
Casey:
But my mouth is going all the time and I say stupid shit. I don’t totally, like, replace whole segments of reality with different ones, like, mid-consciousness…
Jeff:
Okay. That’s true. Yeah.
Casey:
I don’t know what’s happening in their head. It’s like they’ve got some kind of Frankenstein monster they pieced together that’s like a representation of reality that’s just got weird shit going on.
Jeff:
And then they finish it and just go, “It’s alive!”
Casey:
Yeah, something like… They throw the switch and the electricity flows through this amalgam of body parts and the thing just starts walking and they’re like, “Oh, here’s an earth metaphor and here’s something about space aliens and here’s a…” And you’re just like, “What the fuck?”
Jeff:
Alright, so what have you got for us?
Casey:
Anyway, the metaphor for this week is… As you know, the big 3 automakers (who are always looking for some reason to get money from someone because they’re completely incompetent pretty much 100% of the time)…
Jeff:
They make good products. They’re just having a hard time.
Casey:
They don’t have a fucking clue what they’re doing. Anyway, they went to Congress to ask for money because they figured, “Hey, this whole economy being in a bad situation would be a good thing we could say is the reason that we’re in trouble,” like we wouldn’t have been in trouble if that wasn’t the case. So they go there and they’re asking Congress to bail them out. And there’s a bunch of news articles on this. And so, of course, they go to an analyst and ask them, “What’s going on here? Tell us about this pitch that the big 3…”
Jeff:
“Can you simplify it with a metaphor for our audience?”
Casey:
“Put it in terms the layman can understand.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“I don’t want these crazy finance terms and hearings. I don’t understand these things. Let’s make it understandable for the people.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And this guy that they asked said the situation can be likened to a lifeboat with 3 passengers.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
One has gangrene from his toes to his belly button.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
That’s Chrysler.
Jeff:
Oh, okay.
Casey:
Another (GM) is a 350-pound man.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
And there’s a 250-pound man (Ford).
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
There’s only enough food on board for 2 thin men. So who should get the food?
Jeff:
Goddamn it.
Casey:
So let’s just pause for a second here, right. So first of all, there’s no need for them to be on a lifeboat, okay. A lifeboat is a thing that leaves another ship in an emergency situation, right? So we could avoid confusing this metaphor by just saying they were stranded on a desert island. Normally, the lifeboat metaphor is for when you can only take a certain number of things.
Jeff:
Right. Not that they’re already on.
Casey:
That’s where that’s set up.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Once you’re already on it, then you can be anything. We’re trapped at the bottom of the sea in a submarine, wherever…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Any other thing works. So usually, when you’re picking lifeboat… He missed the class this day, I guess…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
The lifeboat metaphor is, “What do we take with us?” Right?
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
We fucked that up. So we’re off to a roaring start.
Jeff:
Yeah, we’re working it.
Casey:
Then the first thing he sets up is, “One guy has gangrene from his toes to his belly button.” How does that relate in any way to the lifeboat? At that point, you’re expecting the metaphor to be like, “We’ve got to get the lifeboat to a hospital, to port or something soon,” right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I mean, it’s got gangrene. It has nothing to o with any of the previous situations that you set up, right?
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
I have no idea. And furthermore, he says where the gangrene is.
Jeff:
Not that he has gangrene. It’s specifically…
Casey:
From his toes to his belly button, right? Which makes you think… He didn’t say, “He’s got a bad case of gangrene.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Which makes you think he’s setting up a metaphor for the parts of the body mean something… Like, “Oh, my legs is my production and my arms are like my sales division.” It’s like, Nope. Never mentioned again. Just felt it was really important that we specifically know where the gangrene is, right?
Jeff:
Right. From the toes up to the cock…
Casey:
Yeah, absolutely. No, that’s perfect. Then he goes, “That’s Chrysler.” And another, GM is a 350-pound man and the 250-pound man is Ford, right? So the other 2, non-medical. They just have fat people on it, right? No. The lifeboat is not sinking. Nowhere do we mention the fact that the weight is an issue. They simply said they were 350 and 250 pounds.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
The lifeboat’s fine.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Apparently, [ it’s been going on for a while ]. The dude didn’t get gangrene while he was on the boat and then got on to a lifeboat. So presumably, he got the gangrene while he was on the lifeboat. Gangrene has a long incubation period. They’ve been on this lifeboat for a long goddamn time. It’s not sinking. If it was gonna sink, it would’ve sank already, okay. So that’s obviously not the problem, alright. So then, we move on to say there was only enough food on board for 2 thin men. Fat people don’t need more food to survive than skinny people. What the hell is wrong with this guy? It doesn’t make any sense. Yes, they may eat more, in general, like if they weren’t in a crisis situation and that’s probably how they got fat. But I don’t understand what they’re talking about.
Jeff:
If I’m the guy with gangrene [ on the boat ]…
Casey:
So then with the food… What’s the gangrene?
Jeff:
Well, he’s nervous.
Casey:
Where’s the gangrene…
Jeff:
He’s really nervous because he’s… The 300-pound and the 200-pound guy are eyeing him. They’re gonna eat that shit…
Casey:
They’re gonna eat him up?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Yeah, ‘cos they want a gangrene infection.
Guest:
That’s why he’s got gangrene, ‘cos then, they won’t eat him.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
Or they can only eat part of him, right? They can only go…
Casey:
We don’t know and we’ll never know because this guy didn’t finish any of his fucking metaphors. So then, he ends with, “Who should get the food?”
Jeff:
How about none of these super-sized fuckers?
Casey:
What does that mean? What does that mean?
Jeff:
Somebody inside the…
Casey:
I have no idea what that means.
Jeff:
It means God needs to decide who gets this food somehow because it’s no one else… You didn’t describe… There’s not a person with a gun on the boat handing the food out.
Casey:
No, but you’re missing my point here on this metaphor (which is disgusting the entire way through). My point is none of the previous things he talked about had to do with how deserving these people were of food, right? So it’s like if you’re trying to set up a metaphor that’s about who do you give food to, you need to say some stuff like, “This person has a wife and kids at home,” or, “This person has diabetes and he needs his…”
Jeff:
The 300-pound guy has got a toe for a penis and a potato up his ass…
Casey:
It doesn’t make any fucking sense.
Jeff:
Yeah, he’s getting nothing.
Casey:
It doesn’t make any fucking sense. I just don’t understand it, right. Furthermore, they picked fat people, who have a lot of food reserves. That’s the opposite of what the actual metaphor is, right? These are anemic people. They haven’t ay reserves. They’re going to die soon if they don’t eat food. Instead, this idiot set up the opposite situation where these people, as long as they can have some drinking water, could be fine for months on their fat reserves.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right? These people are in no way hurting for food. So I don’t know how these metaphors get into print. I don’t know what these people are thinking of.
Jeff:
That is awesome.
Casey:
They just run it off their mouth and, you know… I have no idea.
Jeff:
That is awesome.
Casey:
Terrible. That is one of the worst things I think I’ve ever heard.
Jeff:
Yeah, that was pretty good. That’s pretty good because all along the way when you’re reading that one, I keep thinking I get where he’s going. And then, he twists it…
Casey:
You’re wrong, yeah, he does…
Jeff:
It’s like the 6th sense of metaphor.
Casey:
No, it’s not because it’s not a twist, right. A twist implies that they had a coherent thing going and then they mixed it up on you a little bit just to keep you as part of the excitement, right? This never established any coherence, right? It’s “Jacob’s Ladder”, not “The 6th Sense”, right? It’s like, random shit happening, one after the other, with no attempt made to bring them together in a plausible way, right?
Jeff:
Awesome.
Casey:
I expect it to be like, “And then, the buzzards come and all of a sudden, sharks…” It’s like, “Okay…”
Jeff:
And then the sharks have to eat something. Who do they eat?
Casey:
You’re just thinking of lifeboat things, like, what could happen on a lifeboat?
Jeff:
Who would…
Casey:
There’s a tiger. It’s “Life of Pi”, which I read recently. Fabulous book. I didn’t actually read this. I’m saying he would say that ‘cos I didn’t read it recently.
Jeff:
Goddamn it.
Casey:
I never read it at all, in fact. But I think there’s a tiger on there.
Jeff:
Oh, yeah. That’s my favorite one, so far.
Casey:
“Life of Pi”? I never read it.
Jeff:
No, your metaphor.
Casey:
I know. I’m just kidding.
Jeff:
You’re killing me.
Casey:
Yeah, that’s the worst one I ever heard. Oh, question… I don’t know how much time we have left on the podcast but…
Jeff:
We have a little time.
Casey:
We have a little time? Do you have… ‘Cos you said… I got an email from you. You were like, “We got the book.”
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
“We’ve got the book.”
Jeff:
We do have the book.
Casey:
Do we have the book?
Jeff:
We do have the book. It’s right here. Can you see it?
Casey:
Oh, my God. The cover is even fabulous.
Jeff:
Right. It’s a crazy picture that says, “Sound of the Beast: The Complete Head-Banging History of Heavy Metal” by Jeff and Casey Podcast Favorite, Ian Christie.
Casey:
There’s no overstatement to say that both our and our listeners’ most favorite author…
Jeff:
Yes, exactly. Now, here’s the thing is I got this book and I was a little nervous that it wouldn’t be as awesome…
Casey:
As the “Van Halen Saga”…
Jeff:
As the Van Halen, right…
Casey:
Because the “Van Halen Saga” is one of the most intriguing books of 2007.
Jeff:
Right. How could he match that?
Casey:
This might not be the most intriguing book of any year, for example.
Jeff:
Let me read one of the little quotes on the back.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Because that’s how we establish the other book was gonna be awesome.
Casey:
This is like the promo quotes? Okay.
Jeff:
“Christie might as well drop the E from his name because he has just delivered the gospel of Heavy Metal.”
Casey:
Holy shit.
Jeff:
Library Journal. Right, so I’m like…
Casey:
What the fuck is Library Journal?
Jeff:
Yep. They’re in there.
Casey:
They should be some academic, scholarly thing…
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
And they’re like, “No, this is an awesome Heavy Metal book.”
Jeff:
Yep. It’s terrific. It’s not nearly… You know, the other ones just didn’t do a good treatment of the…
Casey:
“Drop the E off his name”? What the fuck, Jeff?
Jeff:
He brings the gospel of Heavy Metal.
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
And he does. Okay.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
So, you know, I was like, “Oh, God. I’m gonna have to read this fucking book.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I opened the book, okay?
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Now, the first bit of the book is about Black Sabbath who apparently invented Heavy Metal.
Casey:
Okay. Is that the truth or is that the thesis of this book? Or we don’t know?
Jeff:
We have no idea.
Casey:
Okay, but that’s what the book is going with.
Jeff:
Right. That’s what probably Ian and Wikipedia say.
Casey:
Okay, ‘cos that’s where he gets his information.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
So importantly, he mentions that Tony Iommi or… I don’t know how you say his name. Let’s say Iommi. Let’s say Tony.
Casey:
I don’t know who the fuck you’re talking about, anyway.
Jeff:
The lead guitarist had previously cleaved off the tops of 2 fingers on his hand, okay?
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
So he couldn’t play guitar super well, right?
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So the first thing they say is, “Departing from the world around him, Tony took music from the past with little concern for tradition, blazing through blue scales with his own timing and finesse. In order for him to bend guitar strings expressively without experiencing pain in his cropped fingers, the group tuned to a lower key signature, prolonged by the timeless sustain of Tony’s masterful notes, the results brought an inspired deepness to Black Sabbath. Thus, almost by accident, from sacrifice came a devastating sound. From his deformity came a strange beauty and a bond to the 3-fingered gypsy guitarist Durango Reinhart, one of Tony’s many unusual inspirations.”
Casey:
What the fuck?
Jeff:
Okay. Now, that’s just to set the stage of how they came up with the sound.
Casey:
By accidentally fucking up their fingers?
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
But now I’ll finish the end of this chapter where he gets you psyched up for the rest of the book.
Casey:
It’s kind of a giant Tremaine story, if you will, like a revolution…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Borne out of the tragic accident?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And this is the last chapter before you get into the book.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
So it’s gonna psyche you up. “Emerging like the monolith in Stanley Kubrick’s 2011…” Don’t laugh.
Casey:
Sorry.
Jeff:
I won’t be able to hold it together.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
“Black Sabbath was as irreducible as the bottomless sea, the everlasting sky, and the mortal soul. There was no precedent and no literal explanation of their power was needed. Their gloomy tones were a captivating siren call to a deep, unsatisfied void within modern consciousness. The rumbling sludge of Heavy Metal was inevitable, lying in long weight to be introduced by Black Sabbath in 1970 and adored by the massive human sprawl.”
Casey:
What? The massive human sprawl?
Jeff:
Wait, wait. Come on, wait a second.
Casey:
Sorry.
Jeff:
“Over the 30 years that followed, 100 million listeners sought refuge in the resounding cultural boom, finding a purity unmitigated by petty doubts or distractions. From Sabbath came Heavy Metal, which doubled in intensity and became Power Metal and then twisted into Thrash Metal. From there, the music crossed paths with other forms to spawn Black Metal, create the unbelievable refinements of Death Metal, and fuse with every other sort of music, finding itself perpetually reborn. During 3 decades of Marshall amps, guitar holocaust, and drum destruction, Black Sabbath remains the bedrock, the heavy stone slab from which all Heavy Metal eternally rises.” Chapter 1. If you’re not excited… I was like, “I don’t want to read this book.” Now, I want to read it.
Casey:
You want to read this book…
Jeff:
Sabbath, baby.
Casey:
That is pretty fucking amazing, Jeff.
Jeff:
Goddamn it.
Casey:
That is way more over the top than the “Van Halen Saga”.
Jeff:
I know.
Casey:
Somehow…
Jeff:
Yes. The gloomy tone where a captivating siren song…
Casey:
I have no idea… This dude is like a kindergarten teacher with the level of excitement he brings to things that are not exciting. Right?
Jeff:
Just super happy?
Casey:
It’s like Black Sabbath was like, “Look at my painting.” “It looks just like a horse! Oh, my God. That’s beautiful.”
Jeff:
“Your little painting is like the monolith in Stanley…”
Casey:
“Mona Lisa would shed a single tear of joy.”
Jeff:
Oh, my God.
Casey:
But also of envy…
Jeff:
I do like the “rumbling sludge of Heavy Metal was inevitable” because that kind of brings it all in. So, I’m looking forward to lots more to come from this book.
Casey:
That’s pretty good. I think that may top the “Van Halen Saga”…
Jeff:
That is page fucking 1 of that book.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So there you go.
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
That’s our Heavy Metal Minute. There’ll be many more with Ian Christie…
Casey:
Oh, yes, absolutely.
Jeff:
Who might as well just be Ian Christ…
Casey:
Let’s from now on drop the E and call it our Christ Minute or Our Minute with Christ or something like that.
Jeff:
Our Minute with Ian Christ…
Casey:
Because if he ever publishes another book, we’re buying that book, too.
Jeff:
Oh, totally.
Casey:
I mean, I will get everything this guy ever writes from now on.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
As far as I’m concerned…
Jeff:
Yeah…
Casey:
It’s all gold.
Jeff:
I’m looking forward to it.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
It’s rumbling sludge, as far as I’m concerned.
Jeff:
Boy. Alright, well, we better wrap up.
Casey:
Let’s wrap it.
Jeff:
Yep. And everyone, give us an email at Podcast@JeffAndCaseyShow.com.
Casey:
That would be fabulous. We would love to hear from you.
Jeff:
You can also give us a call at… And I’m going to insert the robotic siren song…
Voice:
425-296-3012.
Casey:
I liked that hottie you had read it last time.
Jeff:
That was Mrs. AT&T 2008.
Casey:
Yeah. I’m totally fine with that.
Jeff:
Alright…
Casey:
Her automated voice can call my number any time.
Jeff:
She can read my number any time.
Casey:
Absolutely. Well, actually, if that’s an automated voice, I can type in anything I want her to say to me.
Jeff:
Yep, exactly.
Casey:
Even better.
Jeff:
“Hey baby, I’ve got a potato with your name on it.”
Casey:
Exactly. Like, “I was hanging curtains naked. I slipped. That toe is huge.”
Jeff:
Alright, everybody. Have a good week. Give us a call. Send us an email. And we will talk to you soon.
Casey:
Absolutely.
Jeff:
Alright, thanks.
Jeff:
So you have that link up?
Casey:
I do have that link up, actually. Let me read the headline. It says, “Storm in a C-Cup, 130,000 boobs lost at Sea.”
Jeff:
Okay. 65,000 pairs. I knew it. I knew you were gonna laugh.
Casey:
That was awesome. That was awesome.
Site design and technology © Copyright 2005-2014 by Molly Rocket, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
Contents are assumed to be copyright by their individual authors.
Do not duplicate without their express permission.
casey muratori
the jeff and casey show - season 1 - episode 43
prev
next
mollyrocket.com