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The Technician
No Imperfections Noted
The Jeff and Casey Show
Jeff and Casey Time
Casey Muratori
Seattle, WA
A Donut for Everyman
"You can't join the mile-high club by yourself."
Original air date: November 10th, 2008
Topics. Top Pot. The Mile High Club. Internet forums. Render farms. Metacritic 100% games. The Drake equation. Plexiglass. Electronic Arts. Mathematica. The housing bailout. Lowe’s Hardware. DMV. Home Depot. McDonald’s. Drunk driving. Kit modeling. Coca-Cola. Donuts. Election officials. The Consumer Goods Index.
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Transcript
Jeff:
Hey, everybody! Welcome to the Jeff and Casey Show.
Casey:
Welcome to the Jeff and Casey Show.
Jeff:
November 9, 2008.
Casey:
This is a little bit of a late breaking news item for me actually because I forgot to bring it last time…
Jeff:
What’s that?
Casey:
I have a Halloween treat that I received.
Jeff:
Oh, okay.
Casey I had it on my stack of things to bring over here last time and I forgot it so, I couldn’t say it on the podcast so apologized a little late but better late than never. What I have here, Jeff, Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Now, as you know you were out the house giving out candy for Halloween but what you failed to see while you were there was that, the day before, when I came home, this little bag that I’m holding.
Jeff:
Trick or treating bag? Yeah.
Casey:
This little trick or treat bag was on the door handle.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So, someone had kindly left this for us here.
Jeff:
Left it for you.
Casey:
What this says is…
Jeff:
If we wanted to trick or treat we could have used that bag?
Casey:
Yes, we could have used this bag and if you look at this bag it’s got like a big old, like cardboard printed note on it here that says, “Even though it’s Halloween, don’t be scared in this housing market. Call your real estate professionals, Kristine and Sterling Lemmy, for your buying and selling needs.”
Jeff:
Awesome.
Casey:
“Happy Halloween!” So, I was like, “Well, gosh! That’s nice of them.” They’re trying to get our business here, our real estate business so, they came around at Halloween and gave us a nice trick or treat.
Jeff:
They didn’t want to scare us away from this market.
Casey:
No. They didn’t and it’s Prudential Real Estate affiliates here is the company.
Jeff:
That’s awesome.
Casey:
So, I look inside the bag.
Jeff:
Oh, there’s stuff in it?
Casey:
I look inside the bag.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Inside the bag, I’m now going to bring out the total content… Not remove anything from this bag. I’m bringing out the complete contents of the bag at the time it was dropped off.
Jeff:
A Laffy Taffy and a great Jolly Rancher. Between those two, well done. I’m going to eat that Laffy Taffy right now.
Casey:
So, here is a tip.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Here’s a tip for Prudential Real Estate affiliates. If you’re going to drop off a Halloween bag at someone’s house, either fill it full of candy or don’t put any candy in it. But you cannot put two singular pieces of candy into the bag. It makes it look like you just didn’t have any money to actually buy more candies.
Jeff:
Right, but that’s it because they’re like…
Casey:
I know.
Jeff:
We’re going under. We can’t afford a lot of candy. Yes.
Casey:
So, don’t put any. Don’t just put as much you could afford in there because now it just makes you look poor and pathetic.
Jeff:
You know…
Casey:
I couldn’t believe it. I was like, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
Jeff:
Well, this joke that’s on the Laffy Taffy…
Casey:
Oh, it’s got a joke?
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
What’s the joke?
Jeff:
“What did the crop say to the farmer?”
Casey:
I don’t know.
Jeff:
“Why are you always picking on me?”
Casey:
Picking “ON” me?
Jeff:
It’s what it says. Laffy Taffy jokes… They work for about the three-year old…
Casey:
It’d just be, “Why you’re always picking me” It wouldn’t be “Picking ON me.” You don’t pick ON a crop.
Jeff:
No, I think it’s picking ON me because you’re making fun of Prudential.
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
Then, they like said, you know, “I’m going to eat this Laffy Taffy.” Do you think it’s laced with, like, meth?
Casey:
I don’t know. It’s laced with…
Jeff:
Failure and sadness.
Casey:
Adjustable rate mortgage.
Jeff:
Yup.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So, I’m going to eat this candy…
Casey:
I’ll eat the grape Jolly Rancher, I guess.
Jeff:
I don’t think you should eat that Jolly Rancher.
Casey:
Why not?
Jeff:
Because it’s going to go…
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
But, you know what I’m going to say here…
Casey:
Yeah…
Jeff:
Is if I eat this candy…
Casey:
The Laffy Taffy?
Jeff:
Will I have to buy more in eighteen months? Alright.
Casey:
Excellent.
Jeff:
That is pretty awesome.
Casey:
I thought it was pretty sweet.
Jeff:
What parent is going to send somebody out with an advertisement on the kid’s bag?
Casey:
Well, I imagined that the thinking is that, “Well, bags are in such short supply.” Right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Like, come Halloween time, it’s almost impossible to find a bag for your kid to put their candy in.
Jeff:
It’s crazy.
Casey:
So, they’re probably like, “Well, yeah you might not want to take around a Prudential bag with your kid while they’re trick or treating, but where else are you going to get one?”
Jeff:
Right, exactly.
Casey:
All the people who didn’t plan ahead a month or two months earlier, ordered their bag online from like, HalloweenBagsEarly.com.
Jeff:
From a Halloween bag broker…
Casey:
Yeah. Right, exactly.
Jeff:
Who like, searches the market…
Casey:
Yes, that’s right.
Jeff:
For bags that you might be able to purchase at a good price.
Casey:
“Now, how many compartments does this bag have?”
Jeff:
Right, exactly.
Casey:
Exactly. “Well, this bag has… Technically, it only has two compartments because, as you know, a compartment is only something that has a semi-translucent membrane towards the outside of the bag, right? But it really actually has more like, four compartments because there are compartments on the inside that are still totally usable for candy.”
Jeff:
“But Casey, I don’t know if I can afford a bag with that many compartments.”
Casey:
“That’s a good point. That’s a good point.”
Jeff:
“Is there anything you can do help me get a bag with more than two compartments?”
Casey:
“Well, normally, what happens is when you get the Halloween bag, you’ve got to fill at least two of the compartments full of candy, yourself. Okay.”
Jeff:
“I see.”
Casey:
“Then, you can have someone else give you the candy to fill up the rest of the compartments.”
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
“That’s normally how it works but, in Washington State anyway, what you can usually do is as long as you can find some third party to fill those, that isn’t the same as what’s going to fill the rest of the compartments… To fill those first two…”
Jeff:
“I see.”
Casey:
“Then you actually provide no candy whatsoever.”
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Absolutely.
Jeff:
Well, that sounds terrific.
Casey:
It sounds actually fabulous.
Jeff:
I think this is going to work out great for the entire country.
Casey:
There is no problem, exactly. Yeah. Candy times are here again.
Jeff:
So, you know what? You told me, this a few days ago and I was surprised that you were at the DMV. And I also was at the DMV. How come we didn’t go to the DMV together? Because I didn’t know you were going? That would have been endlessly amusing to make fun…
Casey:
What is this weird “going to the DMV together”?
Jeff:
Well, if somebody’s gonna go to the DMV…
Casey:
People already complained about the picture on the website and say that it looks like we’re holding hands. I don’t understand because it’s like as far apart as you can possibly be on that.
Jeff:
That would be awesome, like both our driver’s license we’re in each other’s picture, kind of peeking in frame.
Casey:
That would be awesome.
Jeff:
That’s what professional podcasters do.
Casey:
That would be awesome to do that. I went to the DMV. My DMV experience was pretty tame except for the fact that while I was there, there was actually a dude who attempted to get his driver’s license while intoxicated.
Jeff:
Awesome. Well, that’s technically not illegal.
Casey:
I don’t think it is illegal.
Jeff:
You can obtain a license drunk.
Casey:
I think it is illegal.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
I think that’s probably okay and in my mind, that was actually him being a fairly honest, upstanding citizen. He was like, “This is the way I’m going to drive, I might as well take the test this way. And then, that way, I’m not misrepresenting myself.” You know what I mean?
Jeff:
Well, maybe he doesn’t have a license now. So, this is his only time when he should be drinking, right? He should be loaded if you go… Was he trying to take the test or was he… What was he there for? Do you know?
Casey:
Well, he was so drunk that he didn’t know either exactly.
Jeff:
Oh, okay.
Casey:
Which is kind of ill… But.. Sorry, I’m just finishing my crackers here.
Jeff:
You’re going to have dry mouth.
Casey:
No, I don’t have dry mouth. I’m just hungry.
Jeff:
This is professional podcasting at its finest.
Casey:
Yeah, totally. Well, I went to the doughnut store today, here’s the thing, because I don’t know if we talked about this but when [ Two-Nut Day ] got by fiat overridden…
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
I rotated around to weekdays, you can’t have anything. But weekends, you can.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
I don’t know if that’s going to stick or not but I’m trying. So, I went to the doughnut store today.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Because I wanted some pumpkin glazed old fashioned doughnuts, which are really good.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
High quality stuff.
Jeff:
Uh-uh.
Casey:
All sold out. They basically… Like, I don’t know who is doing the accounting for this doughnut shop, Top Hot Doughnuts on Capitol Hill, but it’s basically like they make the exact same layout of doughnuts everyday, as far as I can tell. And every goddamned day, all the same shit is sold out. It’s like, make some more of the things that you’re selling and maybe less of these giant weird rolled doughnuts that never… I’ve never seen a single one missing from the pile. It’s always completely full.
Jeff:
Maybe he’s an optimist. Maybe he’s like, “Today’s the day when we sell out of our spinach flavored doughnut.”
Casey:
I guess.
Jeff:
And it’s like he’s waiting for the… He’s like an artist and he’s like, “I don’t care about the market demands.”
Casey:
No. Yeah.
Jeff:
I am an artist. My specialty is doughnuts.
Casey:
Exactly.
Jeff:
And if the public doesn’t like it, fuck ‘em.
Casey:
Yeah. No, fuck ‘em.
Jeff:
I will continue to make what I feel expresses my doughnut-making artistan-ness.
Casey:
I mean, this is the thing, right, it’s like…
Jeff:
I want a better word for…
Casey:
Anybody can just make a sort of a doughnut for every man.
Jeff:
Yeah, exactly.
Casey:
Kind of like, you know, just a populous doughnut.
Jeff:
Yeah, exactly.
Casey:
But only a few people have the necessary skill to really represent life fully in the doughnut form.
Jeff:
Right. That’s correct.
Casey:
In some level, those aren’t meant to be eaten.
Jeff:
Exactly.
Casey:
Right? They’re just to be there behind the glass case, right?
Jeff:
And, admired.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. And I think as a true doughnut aficionado, who walks up there, looks at that, does not order it, intentionally. They’re like, “That needs to sit there.”
Jeff:
That’s too perfect. I couldn’t eat that.
Casey:
That’s exactly where it should be.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Everything is perfect just as it is.
Jeff:
There’s the tiny little white placards by explaining the motivation of the doughnut maker.
Casey:
Right. Yeah. Yeah. And then, he fucking orders the chocolate old fashion, which is actually good fucking doughnuts and those are all gone.
Jeff:
I see. That’s what happens.
Casey:
There’s never anything left.
Jeff:
It would be interesting to have an experiment to see if you could be the only doughnut shop in America to go out of business by offering doughnut flavors that nobody wants.
Casey:
Yes, called the Winchell’s doughnuts.
Jeff:
No, that’s just it. You can’t go out of business in America if you sell doughnuts.
Casey:
That’s a good point. How the fuck is Winchell still in business? I have no idea. They’re, like, the worst doughnut shop in the world.
Jeff:
No, because this is America.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
It’s like, “I want some sugar and some fat.” You could shit, move the coil into a ring, glaze that, and people would still buy in America.
Casey:
That’s probably true.
Jeff:
It’s like, “Is it glazed?”
Casey:
That’s probably true.
Jeff:
“What flavor is that?” “Yeah, you don’t want to know.” “Alright, give me a dozen.”
Casey:
Well, that’s the Krispy Kreme formula, right? It’s like, basically they make anything into a ring and they shove it through that machine. You can’t tell the difference from the other doughnuts. Spiderman but you go in there and there’s like a grid of like, fifty different “flavors.” They’re all exactly the goddamned same.
Jeff:
Yeah. They’re Krispy Kreme flavored. They change the dye.
Casey:
I know. Even when they have stuff like, it’s a chocolate frosted doughnut, it’s been chocolate frosted and ten shove through the machine. So, again they’re just this, like,5 crust of glaze over the thing that it’s like, “Who cares what the fuck is in there?” right?
Jeff:
Alright. So, here’s what we do. We get some artichokes, we put it through the cream-a-nator…
Casey:
Yep, exactly.
Jeff:
And it’ll still taste exactly like…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Not only do they taste alike, they also have the Krispy Kreme like… There’s an odor that is like…
Casey:
Yes. Yes.
Jeff:
You know they’re Krispy Kreme by the way they smell.
Casey:
It’s the grease that they fry them in, absorbs up in the doughnut a little.
Jeff:
Exactly. Yeah.
Casey:
And it really reeks.
Jeff:
Yeah. I don’t know what it is but I can tell the odor of Krispy Kreme a mile away.
Casey:
Yep, absolutely.
Jeff:
And they do taste all exactly the same.
Casey:
Yes. “That’s our Cardboard Surprise doughnut. It’s fabulous.”
Jeff:
Well, maybe that’s why… Maybe they patented the cream-a-nator and that’s why they have so many outlets is because only they can cream-a-nate any substance.
Casey:
That’s probably true. You notice you can often find the Krispy Kreme in an industrial area, like near a Home Depot, right?
Jeff:
Yes, exactly. “That’s where we get our saw dust.”
Casey:
All three Krispy Kremes, actually, now that I think of it, in the Washington, D.C….
Jeff:
In the Seattle area are right next to a Home Depot.
Casey:
Are, like, across the street from a home depot.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
They are really close. They probably… Like, leftover building materials, they shoved that into the “doughnut-ification” technology and out pops one of these Krispy Kremes doughnuts.
Jeff:
You roll up to their drive-up. They don’t say, “No beef.” They say, “No dry wall. We need to run over. I’m sorry.”
Casey:
Speaking of Home Depot and “No beef,” I built the new version of the render farm on Friday for my project, right?
Jeff:
Okay. You went ahead and did that?
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
You’re killing me.
Casey:
Why?
Jeff:
Well, I told you. You should wait.
Casey:
For what?
Jeff:
For your next project, to see if you need a render farm on the next one.
Casey:
I need it for this project.
Jeff:
But I could have given you, like, a 32-way machine for you to render with.
Casey:
Okay. Well, why didn’t you give me the 32-way machine, then?
Jeff:
I told you don’t get any render machines.
Casey:
You’re too late. I already did.
Jeff:
Continue your stupid story but it’s going to just make me shake my head.
Casey:
So, I built the new farm on Friday. And one of the things I did with this one was is it’s all in a nice little case, now. It’s just a little self-contained thing. You can pick it up and bring it anywhere you want.
Jeff:
Okay. It’s one machine now?
Casey:
No, it’s six machines…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
In a nice, like, thing.
Jeff:
It’s a little… Like a tree?
Casey:
It’s a little droid.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
It’s like a little droid that wheels up and renders things for you.
Jeff:
Is it super… “Beep beep beep beep beep”
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
He says he wants to render something.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. “What do you mean can’t run the Studio Max?”
Jeff:
“The dongle is missing.”
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. “If you can’t connect to the internet. . . Autodesk owns everything? I don’t understand.” No, I was building and I needed some plexiglass for the trays in the housing.
Jeff:
Plexiglass?
Casey:
Yeah, something non--…
Jeff:
The total LED machine with LED’s and stuff?
Casey:
No. It’s just…
Jeff:
Well, what’s the plexiglass?
Casey:
It’s so that there would be a non-conductive thing to put the machines on, instead of metal trays. You can’t put a motherboard on a metal tray, obviously, or it could short because you know how, like…
Jeff:
Wait, so this is not a case that you got. It was specifically for this, you built the whole thing.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
It’s basically like, I found online someone who…
Jeff:
Casey’s house of droids…
Casey:
There’s this person who, like, figured out and they did not say how they figured this out.
Jeff:
Uh-huh.
Casey:
But they figured out that a particular Ikea filing cabinet happens to be exactly the width of a microATX motherboard.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So, if you buy one for forty bucks, it has six rails in a metallic case, that are exactly the right width.
Jeff:
Wow.
Casey:
So, you’re done. It’s like, hey, you could spend five hundred dollars on a rack mount thing or you can spend fifty bucks and get exactly the right size.
Jeff:
Too bad it takes, like, a hundred steps to put this thing together if it’s normal Ikea…
Casey:
No, that’s even better and it doesn’t it, because since you’re not assembling the whole thing, you’re just using the two-side rails, you don’t even have to go through the ridiculous crap…
Jeff:
Oh, you can skip all that? Wow.
Casey:
That they would make you to go through, to build all the drawers and shit for this thing, which would have been a nightmare.
Jeff:
I see. What’s the plexiglass for, then?
Casey:
So, the plexiglass is to make the trays that sit on the rails so that you can put motherboards into them.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
If make sense… So, I did this and I needed the plexiglass pieces so I wanted to, like, a hardware store. And I don’t want to have to cut the plexiglass myself. I just wanted them to make it into these rectangular shapes I need. So, I call up the Lowes. I was down at Rainier Avenue and I’m like, “Do you sell a pre-cut plexiglass?” And the lady on the other end of the phone goes like, “You know, I don’t like to cut plexiglass unless the person is in the store, because then, they’ll change the amount and I’ll just have a bunch of plexiglass.” And I’m like, “Okay, well I guess I meant can I come down to the store and you can cut the plexiglass?” She was like, “Mmhmm.” I’m like, “Okay. Now, I need rectangular pieces. I need, like, nine and a half by thirteen inch rectangular pieces.” She was like, “Mmm… No, I can only cut horizontal and vertical. I’m like, “What do you mean like horizontal or vertical? I mean a rectangle is horizontal and vertical cuts, right?” I said it kind of like that. I’m a little confused and like, “Does she not know what she’s talking about or do I not know what she’s talking about, or do I not know what I’m talking about?”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I’m not sure.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
So, I’m like you know, “Yeah, horizontal and vertical is good.” She’s like, “Mm-mm. I cannot cut at angles.” I’m like, “I don’t understand.”
Jeff:
So she can just do long cuts?
Casey:
Where are the angles? There are no angles! I don’t understand what she’s talking about. I’m like, “I don’t get it.”
Jeff:
She can’t turn the corner.
Casey:
She cannot. I don’t know. I have no idea what that is at this point.
Jeff:
Yeah. That’s what it sounds like to me.
Casey:
Okay, great.
Jeff:
Yes. She can put… After cutting…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
I assume she could put in again but that hasn’t occurred to her.
Casey:
I guess not.
Jeff:
She thought she was going to turn the corner.
Casey:
Okay. I have no idea at this point.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
So, I’m like, “Okay, I’m pretty sure she can cut a rectangle.”
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
“I’m pretty sure she is wrong about this.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“Either she doesn’t know what a rectangle is or she doesn’t know what vertical or horizontal mean or something…”
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
“But something is wrong…”
Jeff:
Maybe she thinks you want just a little piece of it.
Casey:
I don’t know. Yeah. So, I was like, “I’m done,” because even if I can manage to communicate the concept of a rectangle to this person, I’m guessing that I’m going to get really not what I want after this.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Like, it’s not even gonna to be close to the right measurements or something, right? So, I’m like, “Okay, fine.” I hang up. I call Home Depot, right, next to the Krispy Kreme and I’m like, “I need some nine and a half-inch by thirteen-inch rectangular plexiglass.” She’s like, “Oh, we don’t cut plexiglass here.” I’m like, “Oh, okay. Thank you.” So, finally I called the Lowe’s that’s 30 minutes away, up Aurora Avenue.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
You know, up where the depressing wholesale clubs are that we talked about last time.
Jeff:
Okay, right. Yep.
Casey:
I’m like, “Can you guys cut plexiglass?” He’s like was like, “Yeah, what size do you want?” I was like, “Nine and a half by fifteen.” And he was like, “Yeah, no problem.”
Jeff:
You mean for a file server?
Casey:
Yeah. That was basically it. Yeah. The guy was like totally on the bone. He said, “Yeah, no problem.”
Jeff:
I see. Alright.
Casey:
And that was it but I just thought it was pretty awesome that, like, the concept of the cutting it into rectangular pieces was super challenging, like just not even in the realm of possibility. She had no idea how she’s going to pull that off, a rectangular piece.
Jeff:
“No angles! No angles!”
Casey:
That’s exactly who I thought of. It was exactly like the “No beef” thing. It’s like, yeah, “No rectangles!”
Jeff:
Couldn’t you just cut it… The thing about that is you can accidentally offend somebody if you’re like, “Um, now I’m pretty sure that, like, if you cut… Maybe if you can’t turn a corner, you could cut longs ones and then put them through again…” Like, when you suggest things like that. It’s very easy to accidentally offend someone.
Casey:
Yeah, but here’s the thing. The way that I should have handled that situation… Again, if I had any confidence that it wasn’t eminently in my best interest not to have this woman do anything for me, ever, that has to be done in any kind of precision, right, was I should have said something like, “Oh, I’m sorry I misspoke. I didn’t want rectangular cuts. What I was wondering is can you cut the piece into like 15 inch strips and then we’ll take the strips and we’ll cut them into nine and a half inch strips. Can you do that?” Then should have been like, “Yeah, no problem.”
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
And I’ll be like, “Okay, sweet. Thanks.” Like, that’s what should have happened, right?
Jeff:
See. Basically, what you’re trying to do is get her to do it with, like, a wavelet style transformer.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Where you do, like, the horizontals and then the verticals.
Casey:
Exactly.
Jeff:
You don’t mix them.
Casey:
Or better yet, I go to the store and I’m like, “Can I just have nine and a half inch strips of this?” Take those, right…
Jeff:
Yes. Go another store.
Casey:
Go around the corner. Wait, like, fifteen minutes ‘til her dinosaur-sized brain has paged out the fact that I was there with the 9.5 inches… Walk back there and be like, “Hey, you know what, I’ve got these nine and a half in sheets of plexiglass. Can you go ahead and cut those into fifteen inch sections?”
Jeff:
Then, it’s no problem.
Casey:
Yeah. No problem.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Well, it’s kind of like, for her, if you walked her through it in that, it’s kind of like… What’s the paper thing where you fold up the little animals?
Casey:
Origami?
Jeff:
Yeah. Where you do all this folding, if you follow instructions on the internet…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And then, like, “Poof!” At the end, there’s a duck.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
That’s how it would be for her. It’s like you do this strip…
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. She’s like, “Holy shit.”
Jeff:
“Holy shit. It’s a rectangle! Just like you said!”
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
It’ll be awesome.
Casey:
No, it’s probably like… She’s like, “Oh, I didn’t know you meant octagons.” I mean, in her head, it’s something else. It’s not a rectangle because I asked for a rectangle and she didn’t see any way that that could happen. She must be thinking that a rectangle is like a beautiful swan, right?
Jeff:
Yes, exactly.
Casey:
But in this case, no.
Jeff:
I could have done a swan.
Casey:
Those internet things with the origami have gotten totally out of control. Have you’ve seen those ones that’s like… It’s just a bunch of paper. You fold it up and it’s like, “Turn the crank and the pig’s wigs flap.” You know what I’m talking about?
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Like it’s a little flying pig or whatever? I’m like, “That is never actually going to work.” No one has ever actually folded this piece of paper and made that pig. Ever. I guarantee you.
Jeff:
No, one person did. It’s just like anything else. Like, you see something awesome, like you go to the store and you know at the toy department…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
They have a big stack of little model cars and stuff, little plastic ones…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Then, they show the outside, it’s this awesome car.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Then, you get it home. First off, there’s a whole bunch of stuff that you need that wasn’t… Like, you need all this thing to file the little knobs.
Casey:
“Wait, you didn’t have model paint?”
Jeff:
Yeah, “What’s the problem?”
Casey:
“Well, of course you need model paint. I mean, duh.”
Jeff:
It doesn’t come painted, it’s gray.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Then, they don’t mention that to a little kid’s big fingers, all the parts, once you start gluing, are going to glue. I remember doing this…
Casey:
Your car parts.
Jeff:
And I had big thumb print right on my windshield.
Casey:
Awesome.
Jeff:
The door, I closed and then, it dried overnight. Then, the door was supposed to hinge, but I had extra glue so then the door was glued shut. It was the worst. It had only the vaguest resemblance to it and my wheels were all weird so they didn’t roll. One, kind of skipped like a broken shopping cart. Yeah.
Casey:
I hate kit modeling.
Jeff:
It’s the worst.
Casey:
Kit modeling is the worst fucking thing ever.
Jeff:
It’s the worst. Exactly. The glue’s on your fingers for, like, a week.
Casey:
It’s terrible.
Jeff:
Yes. When I was at the DMV, I had two things that happened that were kind of awesome. The first thing… I don’t like the whole thing anyway because my DMV smells like, I don’t know, the inside of an aquarium or something.
Casey:
I guess I missed the part where I was like, “Oh, let’s go talk about the DMV again.” I’m over it.
Jeff:
No, I got it.
Casey:
I’m over it. No, I’m done.
Jeff:
No, I’ve got it.
Casey:
This better be awesome.
Jeff:
I don’t think I can beat drunk guy showing up at the DMV because that is pretty awesome.
Casey:
I mean, yeah, it’s a drunk guy.
Jeff:
I can’t believe you didn’t take a picture of it.
Casey:
Well, what was I going to take a picture of? Just him bending over? The ass crack or whatever? Yeah.
Jeff:
Him flipping out… Yeah. Well, I had a guy… The guy right in front of me flipped out, too, but not because he was loaded but because he wanted to renew his license before it was time to renew. He was trying to be proactive.
Casey:
Which you can do, right?
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
I mean, don’t you get like a three-month window in there or something. He was way before this?
Jeff:
He was just outside the window by two days.
Casey:
Oh, man. Okay.
Jeff:
Yeah, and the lady’s like, “I can’t do this,” and he lost his shit.
Casey:
“I can only cut horizontal and vertical.”
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
He was the one that realized we can manipulate the evangelicals to do whatever we want.
Casey:
Are you talking about Kevin Phillips?
Jeff:
No, I think it was Atwater.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
I’m going to send you the action.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Anyway, how did we get on that?
Casey:
I have no idea.
Jeff:
Oh, I remember.
Casey:
You decided to start making shit up.
Jeff:
No, stop it. I remember that, like… If you were doing things the total Rovian way, in those statements, they would have no basis on the issue.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
There would be nothing about, like, elected officials being…
Casey:
Right. Well, no, no. They’d hire Frank Luntz, right, to do a focus group where they’d be like, okay, “We can’t call this guy an elections director.”
Jeff:
Yes. That doesn’t work.
Casey:
Because that makes him sound like he’s controlling the elections. So, first of all he should be called a Voting Facilitator. Right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Or something that sounds like he’s helping you.
Jeff:
“This doesn’t work. We really need to have something catchy. How about ‘The sanctity of elections’?”
Casey:
Right. Yes, that’s right.
Jeff:
“We don’t want to lose the sanctity of elections.”
Casey:
Yes, that’s right. It should be called the Patriotic Election Supervisor.
Jeff:
Patriotism during election time.
Casey:
Yes, that’s right.
Jeff:
Yeah. Awesome. I mean, those statements that they gave were totally ridiculous but they were at least focused on the issue.
Casey:
That’s the thing, dude. That’s why the voters pamphlet’s so awesome is because it’s like the PTA group and shit. And literally, often times, it is literally the PTA group…
Jeff:
It is the same people.
Casey:
Writing a statement and they have no political training.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
So, you get these awesome statements that are just so good and sometimes you get really, really awesome statements, sometimes even by the candidates themselves. Like this year… And this was terrible. This was painful this year, having to do this, was when I called my representative on the initial bailout package, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I was like, “If you vote for this package, I’m not voting for you. Period.” I literally said this on the phone. I was like, “If you vote for this package, I do not care who the other person is on the ballot next to your name. I am voting for them. Alright? If George Bush is running for your house seat I will vote him into office if I have to but there is no way I’m voting for you if you vote for this thing.” Of course, he went ahead and voted for it, because he’s fucking retarded.
Jeff:
Which one was this?
Casey:
Jim McDermott.
Jeff:
Okay. Yeah.
Casey:
So, he went ahead and voted for it. So, I have to vote against him, right? Because hey man. I’m a man of my word unlike some people in politics, right? The dude I had to vote for, holy shit balls… At least I could take some solace in the fact that unless everyone was as stubborn as I am, this dude won’t get fucking elected because the dude’s statement was out of control. It was pretty close to what you said, which is like, “Communists are everywhere and if we don’t do something they’re going to take over the government.” It was very close to that because Jim McDermott, you know, Seattle’s fucking super democratic.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And they don’t… Not in a good way. Not like, “Hey, they’re democratic because they care about various issues that are like, whatever it is.” No, they’re just democratic. It could be the stupidest fucking ideas with the worst goddamned representatives, as is the case here, and they’re going to vote for them.
Jeff:
They’d still vote for them.
Casey:
So, they don’t bother running anyone real against Jim McDermott, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Because Jim McDermott’s kind of retarded. So, if they thought that they would ever have them vote against this guy, they’d run someone. They know that they’re just going to vote for him no matter what. There’s nothing he can do.
Jeff:
If they’re truly evil they could be saying like, “Look, he’s a complete jackass McDermott.
Casey:
He’s not a jackass. He’s just dumb.
Jeff:
He can’t do any harm.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So, we’d rather have a… Since it’s going to go Democrat no matter what…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
We don’t want them to get their shit together and get, like, a strong representative in that office.
Casey:
Right. Exactly.
Jeff:
We want as dumb a people as possible.
Casey:
Exactly. Yes. They’re like, “This is good. At least this guy is kind of bumbling fool. He’s not like a force to be reckoned with. So, let’s just leave him there because we know we’re not going to be able to win this seat anyway.”
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
“So, it’s all fine.”
Jeff:
Right, exactly.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. But holy shit, man, this guy was out of control. Out of control.
Jeff:
Yeah, basically. And he was losing his shit. Then, in the middle of him, like, berating her, some dude… It was like a dude who looked straight like he was out in New York. He had this crazy slicked back hair, black leather jacket, satin shirt underneath, really heavy, like, you know…
Casey:
Holy shit.
Jeff:
Exactly looked like a gangster, tries to walk out of the testing thing with his test and she said, “Sir! Sir! You did not just do that!”
Casey:
Are you serious?
Jeff:
Right, and she’s trying to stop him and it turns out he’s Romanian or something because he doesn’t speak the language. So, she gets in this big thing with the Romanian dude. He doesn’t understand.
Casey:
Why can’t he walk out of the thing? What is happening here? This is, like, test protocol? You can’t…
Jeff:
Yes, yes. Like, in the middle of the thing, he walked out, I don’t know, to look up some answers, I guess. So, she’s stopping him. The guy who was losing his shit about being early, right, (he’s just angry) is sitting there watching this. Now, it’s even taking longer to get denied, right?
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
He’s not going to get it. Finally, at the end he goes, “Fuck,” like, just yells it and storms out the whole place. It was an awesome, awesome exit.
Casey:
That is totally awesome. Not nearly awesome enough to be worth returning to the DMV thing at all but…
Jeff:
No, it is totally. Then, the other thing that happened was, when I got up and they took your picture…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And I got up there, about to take my picture. I looked out and, you know, the picture taking thing is kind of in the front of everybody…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And this one little kid who’d been going bananas the entire time…
Casey:
Right, just freaking out.
Jeff:
Running out… He’s mom finally… Like, he’s on a full run. She snags him by his backpack. So, he just goes… His arms continue going.
Casey:
Yeah, yeah.
Jeff:
And she just starts beating him, just like, clap, clap, clap.
Casey:
Are you serious?
Jeff:
And I’m like… I kind of make this face like, “Oh, my god!” And then… So, my face is so… I have the saddest driver’s license.
Casey:
Let me see it. You have the paper copy? I’ve got mine. Okay, so I’ve gotten Jeff to go away from the microphone. We’re going to go ahead and delete this DMV. Oh, hey dude! How’s it going? You’re back already.
Jeff:
Stop it. Here’s my sad face.
Casey:
Here’s my happy face. I was laughing about the drunk dude.
Jeff:
You are laughing.
Casey:
Oh, my god, Jeff! What the fuck is up with this photo?
Jeff:
I know! I look sad, don’t I?
Casey:
Holy shit. Sean, look at this.
Jeff:
You look like you are totally drunk yourself in this picture. Look at you.
Casey:
What about it?
Jeff:
You look baked. You look like you’re stoned in this picture.
Casey:
I do? Let me see.
Jeff:
Look at this. Your eyes are, like, all red. Was this early in the morning?
Casey:
No. I think that’s just because my eyes are starting to close from the flash.
Jeff:
Oh, I see.
Casey:
So, I think it’s like, and I’m happy some kind of like… Yeah.
Jeff:
No, you look baked. If you get pulled over, they’re going to be like, “This dude is getting baked,” and I look sad.
Casey:
Yeah, it’s like, “Yo, wuzzup, officer?”
Jeff:
Yeah. So, it’s “Baky and Sadness rides again” if we ever get pulled over by the cops.
Casey:
So, not that the DMV isn’t exciting…
Jeff:
Fascinating?
Casey:
Fascinating.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
This week was… I don’t know if you heard that there was a presidential election, the U.S. presidential election.
Jeff:
It was. There were two huge things this week, right?
Casey:
Two huge things this week?
Jeff:
Yeah, like, of national importance. There was…
Casey:
The Jeff and Casey show came out on…
Jeff:
DVD?
Casey:
On Tuesday morning…
Jeff:
Was released in DVD form…
Casey:
Right. Yeah. No…
Jeff:
There’s the election.
Casey:
Yeah, there’s the election.
Jeff:
And it was your awesome birthday. So, happy birthday, a few days late.
Casey:
Thanks, but what does that have to do with anything?
Jeff:
No, it’s of national importance.
Casey:
Is it?
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Alright. Yes, happy birthday to me.
Jeff:
Because, worldwide, it’s a celebration now.
Casey:
It’s a celebration across the world. Okay.
Jeff:
Mainly of the show and not you.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
But like, it’s alright.
Casey:
Alright, happy birthday, Casey and the election. Now, as you know, the most important thing in terms of affecting everyone this election happened right here in King County. It was charter amendment number one, which was the elected elections director.
Jeff:
The elected elections… Okay, so the dude that runs the elections, I guess. Okay.
Casey:
This was, to me, one of those things that was just…
Jeff:
That’s an elected thing? That’s like…
Casey:
Okay, hold on a second. It’s awesome.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
This was probably my favorite… I mean, I love reading through the voters’ pamphlets. There’s always gems. There are always hidden gems in there and this one was… I mean, it just was outstanding. The idea here, just in case anyone’s unclear on it, was people in King County, some people in King County were upset about how the elections were being run. They did not think that the elections were being run fairly and efficiently.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Right? So they were afraid…
Jeff:
Like the rest of the government…
Casey:
Wait a second. They were like, “We don’t think that the people who are currently in charge of the elections are running them in such a way as to actually have the election work properly.”
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Their solution to this problem? Have the person in charge of it be elected. So, I’m like, “Okay, I think there’s chicken and egg problem here.”
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
If you’re saying that the election process is not working, your solution is to have a thing in the election that people have to vote for, which apparently isn’t working to make this official then be in every election himself be voted for.
Jeff:
Right. So this guy never loses…
Casey:
I mean, am I missing something?
Jeff:
Well, he never loses again.
Casey:
Right, exactly.
Jeff:
Whoever is the first guy, controls the elections like, “Huh, I can’t believe it, a hundred percent for me again!”
Casey:
It’s like, “What a surprise!” Yeah. So, the first time the guy gets elected, the election is broken because you’re saying that it’s broken right now.
Jeff:
Right. Yeah.
Casey:
The rest of the times, the guy who was elected via a broken election is running the election! It’s so awesome. I could not get over how awesome this is. This was like the best amendment ever.
Jeff:
Okay, it’s elected. Does that mean it’s a partisan, too? Like, do they run as…
Casey:
I don’t know. I don’t think it was going to be partisan. No, it was just going to be elected.
Jeff:
Okay. Alright.
Casey:
But it says… I want to read you another pretty awesome…
Jeff:
This is the same thing?
Casey:
Yeah, it’s the same thing. You know they have the statement “For” and “Against.” Right? Like, the voters’ pamphlet, each side can submit a statement that’s like, “Here are our arguments for it and here’s…” You know, other people submit arguments against it. Then, they each submit a rebuttal to the other’s arguments. So, you can look at these in the voters’…
Jeff:
Can you just say anything there?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Okay. Like, “Voting for this makes you a communist.” Period. And that would be your thing?
Casey:
Yes. Oh, sure. You could say that. Absolutely, you It actually goes like that.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Because my understanding at least… And obviously, I’ve never been involved in one of these sort of amendment proceedings here. But my understanding is that whatever group gathers the signatures on the petition…
Jeff:
Can put it however they want.
Casey:
Is responsible for getting someone to write these statements, I think.
Jeff:
Wow.
Casey:
So, I mean part of it, the process is that you do that. Now, presumably, if you’re actually trying to get the thing on there, then you actually don’t want to have some things that sound stupid.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Now what I don’t know is the statement against…
Jeff:
But the counter you could be like, “Nine out of ten pedophiles want this.”
Casey:
I don’t know who determines, who gets to write that statement.
Jeff:
Oh, I see.
Casey:
You see what I’m saying? Because there’s only one. It’s not like there’s a list of every citizen who felt compelled to write in there, gets their thing on there. It’s not. It’s just there’s one statement against. So, statement four I could see it’s like whoever submitted the proposition could… That’s not how it works. So, I don’t know exactly it is. It might be like, “Oh, it has… There’s the backer…”
Jeff:
The director of elections.
Casey:
Yeah, maybe. It might be like, “Oh, someone from the House of Representatives who sponsored the amendment, and there’s someone who opposes it in the House.” There’s probably some procedure for this, right? I don’t know what it is. The point being, it’s always awesome.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Right? So, whatever the procedure is, it ends up being awesome, right? The statement against this proposition says, “Our League of Women Voters of King County committee urges you to vote against adding an elected elections director to King County government for the purpose of running our elections department.” Now, that’s an amazing sentence right there. God know what that just said but you’re all set, right? It says that the League of Women Voters supports elections for policy makers, jobs requiring specific experience and professional skills should be appointed.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So, back up a second here. So, you’re saying all of our elected representatives require no specific experience or professional skills?
Jeff:
No skill. Right.
Casey:
What is going on here? So, the rebuttal… You’d think the rebuttal to this would be someone going, “Whoa! Back up a second here. What the fuck does that mean?” No, not at all. The rebuttal says, “Our recent problem elections have been conducted by ‘Qualified Professionals’ appointed by the executive and counsel.”
Jeff:
Wait…
Casey:
So, they’re, like, not even challenging the assertion…
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
They’re not suggesting at all that there’s any kind of a misstatement there.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
They’re just saying that these people are clearly not qualified, the ones that have been appointed. So, it can’t be any worse to go with the elected version, who definitely have no professional skills. Right? It’s like, holy shit…
Jeff:
“I grant you that elected officials don’t know what they’re doing. However, it doesn’t seem to matter.”
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
You know, it’s only election.
Casey:
“Clearly, the appointed people don’t either. So, we should make it elected.” It’s like okay, great. No problem. That’s good.
Jeff:
I didn’t know they go to write rebuttals. That’s awesome.
Casey:
Yes. You get to see the other person’s statement and write a short thing that’s going against it.
Jeff:
League of Women Voters, you ignorant sluts.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
Then, you’d come back with your action.
Casey:
I mean, I couldn’t get over this one. This one is fabulous. I’ll have to post the link to it so people can read the whole thing because basically, the entire page is fabulous. I mean it’s just… The entire page is wonderful.
Jeff:
Just full of gems?
Casey:
Yeah. Well, the whole thing…
Jeff:
That is awesome. Did it pass, do you know?
Casey:
I don’t know if it passed. There was, like… For some reason the election site that I was using, like MSNBC or whatever, it only went down to state level.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
I didn’t go down to county level and this is only for King County, I think.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
I don’t think this elections official thing extends to the state. I think it’s only for our region.
Jeff:
I got that.
Casey:
And so I don’t know. I have to go find some SeattleTimes.com or something that does these kind of like, for lack of better term, Podunk county issues.
Jeff:
Maybe the Podunk thing, they don’t get the whole Karl Rovian… What was the guy that kind of invented that kind of politics? Atwater, I think?
Casey:
What kind of politics are you referring to?
Jeff:
The politics where you just insist something is true enough times, and eventually…
Casey:
Oh, yeah. Adolf Hitler’s guy. The Big Lie Theory.
Jeff:
No, I’m talking about when the Neocons came it with Reagan, there was a guy. I think it was Atwater. And he just died, actually.
Casey:
They did not invent this, at all.
Jeff:
No, he didn’t invent it. He’s the one that put it into use for national politics and then realized that you can spew out to all of the conservatives very efficiently and rapidly, and they pretty much vote whichever way their leaders tell them to.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So, it was dissemination that was like, you press the button.
Casey:
But that’s not conservative, that’s everyone.
Jeff:
Well, No. The Neocons were the first one that actually used that as a national thing. That was brand new in like… I think it was what, 82’ when he came in or was it 1980?
Casey:
This is like an eight hundred-pound squirrel coming down the track. The squirrel size here… We’re going to have to make a new door at podcast studios for the squirrel that’s trying come in the room right now.
Jeff:
No, that is definitely true. In fact there was just a documentary about the dude because he died pretty young. I think he died like, at 40.
Casey:
Right. Yeah. I think he was eaten by a dragon, if I remember it correctly.
Jeff:
Oh, you’re killing me. You’re killing me. You are killing me, You’re killing me at this point.
Casey:
Yeah. You have no idea what you’re talking about.
Jeff:
No, I do know what I’m talking about.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
The evangelicals were not a force until the 80’s.
Casey:
Are you talking about Pat Robertson?
Jeff:
No. This was a behind-the-scenes dude.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
This was the guy that everybody learned from. Rove was his first lieutenant for 10 years.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
He is a republican but not in a hardcore way. He just wanted to win.
Jeff:
What if one day everyone did that and like, that year was the craziest house ever. Like, they were all just raving lunatics.
Casey:
It’s called the contract with America. It fucking happened, dude. Remember? It happened.
Jeff:
That’s awesome.
Casey:
Thanks to Newt Gingrich, we had the experiment that you were asking for and I think we kind of got a pretty good feel for how it went. It was not fabulous.
Jeff:
Oh, that is awesome.
Casey:
It was not in any way fabulous.
Jeff:
So, what was I going to ask you? Oh, we had a friend recently…
Casey:
Mmhmm…
Jeff:
And we were talking about this third friend and how… We were saying that they’re very…
Casey:
You are pussy-footing around this in a big way.
Jeff:
Yes. We are going to it. And it will become apparent why in a moment.
Casey:
You are on tenterhooks. Yeah. Okay.
Jeff:
So, we were talking about the fact that the second party of this story that shall be not named.
Casey:
I’ve already lost track of who we’re talking about.
Jeff:
Was fairly conservative, never did anything crazy.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Okay, and our first friend said, “No, no, no. You don’t know everything about him.” I was talking to his wife and they said they joined the Mile High Club on an airplane.
Casey:
Ah! Yes. Not referring to the Frequent Flyer Club on that, right? But the actual Mile High Club.
Jeff:
Right. And you and I expressed disbelief immediately.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
We’re like, “No, that is not true.”
Casey:
That’s not true. Yeah, that’s not true
Jeff:
She said, “No, no, no. I talked to her.” They had had a blanket over each other and did something.
Casey:
Yes, that’s right.
Jeff:
And we were like, “Okay, wait…”
Casey:
This was in the seat.
Jeff:
Right. Yes.
Casey:
This was in the seat.
Jeff:
Yes. So, they had not left each other’s seat. So, what became clear in this story…
Casey:
Yes, that’s right.
Jeff:
Is that there was some manipulation going on but nothing more than that.
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
Right. So, Jeff and Casey show is going to take this moment to explain what is necessary to join the Mile High Club.
Casey:
That’s right. So, just in case, it… Apparently, it was not clear to everyone.
Jeff:
Right. It’s not common knowledge.
Casey:
Apparently, there are flexible definitions here but I would like to say, just flat out…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
That, in order to join the Mile High Club, we’re talking about a straight forward sexual activity, okay.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Like, full on copulation.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
That is not to try and put some kind of puritanical, like missionary position restrictions on sex.
Jeff:
Correct.
Casey:
I’m not about that. It is simply because of the difficulty factor, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
If you want to have the bench mark of Mile High Club be at a reasonably difficult level to achieve, you have to have the naughty bits fully in play and engaged, okay.
Jeff:
Right, as it were.
Casey:
Something that’s a little like side show like “No one noticed” thing, is not very hard to do.
Jeff:
Right. Like, if all it took was a hand job.
Casey:
You could do that for yourself.
Jeff:
Yeah, exactly.
Casey:
You don’t even need another person to do that in an airplane.
Jeff:
You don’t get to join the Mile High Club by yourself.
Casey:
Yeah, when the lights go out. You do not get to join it by yourself. That does not count. It’s too simple. Not because it’s not good. I encourage that. You’ve got to do something to pass the time on the airplane.
Jeff:
That’s right.
Casey:
Okay. And maybe the in-flight movie sucks. It usually does. It was “Get Smart” on the way to Japan. I don’t want to watch that shit. I’m fine with putting the blanket over it. The problem is that does not qualify you for the Mile High, it’s too easy.
Jeff:
Right. Yep, exactly.
Casey:
Anyone could do that.
Jeff:
Exactly. Well, what I was gonna say, I remember once…
Casey:
Oh, and just to be clear on this…
Jeff:
Yes, clearer.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. That, we’re not on the Prop 8 issue here.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Guys can join the Mile High Club, too.
Jeff:
Oh, yeah, yeah. That’s absolutely no problem.
Casey:
Female-female or male-female, male to male.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
The important part of the sexual activity is that it be something extremely difficult to do in public without getting caught. That’s the important part.
Jeff:
Right. Well, let’s not…
Casey:
So, every community can pick their own bench mark…
Jeff:
Of sex.
Casey:
For whatever the sex thing is but it has to be one that’s very difficult to achieve discretely.
Jeff:
To pull off…
Casey:
Exactly. If that makes sense.
Jeff:
Right. You can’t just simply reach in to the next seat.
Casey:
Yeah. This is not a manual issue at all.
Jeff:
Yes. Way too easy.
Casey:
That is not acceptable.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I hope we cleared that up.
Jeff:
Yeah, well, it is a public service from our show that we do now and again. You know that I’m saying?
Casey:
That’s right. Yeah.
Jeff:
So, Casey, it’s time again. This is going to be good. It’s been way too long. It’s been since I think show 6 or 5 even…
Casey:
Oh, yeah?
Jeff:
But we are bringing back our Metacritic 100% games.
Casey:
Oh, okay. Good.
Jeff:
I said, “You know, what it’s been a long time since we did that and I really like doing those games.” And you were like, “I’ve got one.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Do you have games just ready for this moment, or was this one that’s just been percolating?
Casey:
So, this is the product I’ve been working on at EA, actually, for a while here that we’ve been sort of…
Jeff:
Yep. We’ve been having some hard time over at EA.
Casey:
It’s in the pipeline.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Stock price has not been great.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Stock price has not been great.
Jeff:
Not good.
Casey:
No, not at all.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
A lot of fast food franchises are getting hit hard by the recession, which of course eats away at our bottom line.
Jeff:
Right. It’s like a derivative.
Casey:
Exactly. It’s a derivative of… Our share price is a derivative.
Jeff:
If you want an index of game companies, just look at Burger King’s stock.
Casey:
It’s more like, EA is an index of…
Jeff:
Fast food restaurants?
Casey:
Commercial consumer goods.
Jeff:
Oh, sure.
Casey:
It’s like you could buy a blue chip consumer goods index like…
Jeff:
Coca cola.
Casey:
Coca cola, McDonald’s, etc. or you can just buy EA.
Jeff:
And get them all.
Casey:
They should roughly go kind of you know…
Jeff:
Move the same way.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. What we’ve been working on… This was… I had a big brain storm, right, because “Spore”, as you know was finishing up and that came out recently.
Jeff:
Yup.
Casey:
So, my big thing was, I went the “Spore” project and I was like there’s something they got right and something they got wrong about Spore, right, when I kind of went to look at it.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
And I was like, the thing that they got right about Spore was that instead of having us build all the content for it, instead, we just let the users build the content for it and then they essentially play each other’s content.
Jeff:
Yeah. Saves a lot of money.
Casey:
Saves a lot of money, right? So, that’s a good thing. The thing that they got wrong was all the rest of the stuff, right?
Jeff:
The rest of the game.
Casey:
Sort of like, the fact that there was stuff that we actually worked on and paid money for and shipped out to people.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
That’s all not so good, right, because that’s a net loss for us. So, my idea was take that stuff away from Spore, okay, all the stuff that we made for it…
Jeff:
Right. And just leave the user…
Casey:
And just leave the user making thing shit.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
So, my idea for the Metacritic-100 game is basically a game that’s just like a dev window, right, where you make the game and then other people play that game. But we don’t actually do anything, right?
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
So, we sublicense like visual studio, right. We ship that out with a thin net layer.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
And people make games and the other people play the games and EA isn’t involved at all in this other than charging you money for it, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And maybe supplying ads, right? Like, there’s an ad… One of the windows in the [ dockable ] area that you can’t close is like an ad window, for example.
Jeff:
Right. Maybe you can ship sam--… The only sample content you shipped with this product…
Casey:
Is ads, like the King and like Ronald McDonald.
Jeff:
Is ads. Like, models of the King, models of the Nike logo.
Casey:
Right. Yes, absolutely. A Red Bull truck.
Jeff:
Yes, exactly.
Casey:
Things like this. Yeah, exactly. The reason that I think this is a Metacritic-100 game is because what reviewer is going to sit down to a game construction tool kit, and give his game that he makes less than a hundred?
Jeff:
A bad review… Right, that’s exceptional.
Casey:
Right? I mean it’s his own fault if he made shitty game.
Jeff:
If it’s not a 100… Yeah.
Casey:
It’s like, how did EA not… I mean, we send you the [inaudible 48:26] you made a shitty game.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
That’s not us getting a zero. That’s you getting a zero.
Jeff:
Right, that’s you.
Casey:
We get a hundred, as far as I’m concerned, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Because we did all of our stuff right. You’re the one doing the shit wrong. We should give you a fifty at that point, right? On Metacritic critic, right?
Jeff:
On meta-Metacritic?
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. But under no circumstances are we liable for that, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Make a better game next time if you want 100%.
Jeff:
If you want 100%.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
Yeah, don’t blame us.
Casey:
Don’t blame me, yeah.
Jeff:
Yes. That’s a great idea.
Casey:
I think so, too.
Jeff:
You know what’s so special again about that particular one?
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
Is the “Spore” is the game that originally came out with… Someone that was working on “Spore” was the one that came up with using Metacritic-100 as an adjective. They were explaining the game to me saying, “We have parts that are 100% Metacritic and parts that are 70% Metacritic.”
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
So, that just brings it all together.
Casey:
It ties it in.
Jeff:
Right. Well, my game is not a big budget extravaganza as yours is.
Casey:
Actually, ours is a zero-budget, that’s one of the things…
Jeff:
That’s true.
Casey:
I think it was sublicensing Visual Studio plus ads.
Jeff:
Yeah. That’s true. That’s kind of EA enters the indie-game space, is by shipping a game where they spend no money on it. And like, all you really…
Casey:
When you say indie-game space do you mean like Indiana Jones line? I’m not what you’re talking about.
Jeff:
Well, let me explain what I mean by indie-game, okay.
Casey:
Because we can’t do that because LucasArts ties up all those. I would stick that shit all over.the We’d shit out an indie title every month if we could, but we can’t.
Jeff:
Yeah. Indie-2008, indie-2009…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You just continue, go on every year.
Casey:
Exactly.
Jeff:
Better bullwhip every year.
Casey:
Exactly.
Jeff:
Yeah. Well, my game takes its inspiration from “Braid” in that it’s going to use the rewind semantics…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
To teach us larger truths about ourselves and about society, in general.
Casey:
Okay. So, this is kind of an art game that you’re leading up to here.
Jeff:
Yeah, it is and it uses… Again, like Braid, it uses a standard, a gaming kind of standard.
Casey:
A standard.
Jeff:
So, you start with some platform that you’re used to use…
Casey:
Okay, so it builds upon an existing game with which you are intimately familiar but then takes it in a new direction?
Jeff:
Right. With the addition of rewind.
Casey:
With the addition of rewind. Okay, I’m following so far.
Jeff:
So, my game is called “Pack & Purge Man”, and what it’s about is it’s going to teach you about… I think I can get some kind of license with the National Fat Acceptance.
Casey:
Oh, okay, from last week.
Jeff:
Yes, from last week. Because what this is, is as your Pac-Man goes around, the ghosts (which were previously just villains)…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Right? Pinky. Was it Pinky?
Casey:
Yes, Pinky, Winky, Blinky, and Clyde or something.
Jeff:
Clyde, you’re right. He was orange. They were real villains. In mine they’re just representations. They’re symbolic representations of the things that chase you being a fatty as you’re eating all the food.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And this is like, as the red is chasing you down, it might be your physical, you know, how you feel about yourself in the world.
Casey:
Okay, so these are emotions. Those are emotions.
Jeff:
Right. The pink might be that time…
Casey:
Society.
Jeff:
Maybe when you’re mom said that you look a little heavy today, right?
Casey:
Okay. Right. Gotcha. And Clyde is the mirror.
Jeff:
Right. But yet, you can always rewind and purge up all those dots and power pills, returning you back to your slender self. So, that’s what it’s going to teach you.
Casey:
But I don’t understand how do you complete a level?
Jeff:
You don’t. You can only complete a level by being a big huge fatty.
Casey:
Okay. That’s part of the acceptance.
Jeff:
That’s why the National Fat Acceptance League will sponsor it.
Casey:
I see, because all that purging is no good.
Jeff:
Right. You cannot exit the level until you’ve eaten everything.
Casey:
Absolutely everything.
Jeff:
Right. And sometimes even your symbolic guilt, you eat the red monster.
Casey:
That’s right. Yup.
Jeff:
So, I think it’s going to be huge and I think it’s going to help a lot of people.
Casey:
Well, I think one interesting thing that I like about this game certainly (from an EA perspective, anyway) is that much like your Two-Nut Day Pac-Man game. This game goes even further towards encouraging people to consume as much as possible.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
So, what I’m wondering is — Can we take the metaphor one step further? Does it have to always be food that’s being purchased, or could there for example be a Sony Bravia in the center that gets eaten? Or a Yaris compact car, for example.
Jeff:
Ah, I see. That’s an excellent point. That is providing either further symbolic representations in the game.
Casey:
Consumption…
Jeff:
Just consumption, yes.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And that also probably… You know, I don’t think the National Fat Acceptance League can pay us in anything but, like, doughnuts or something.
Casey:
Right, exactly.
Jeff:
So if you could get… Like, if Sony could get on board, that’s only better for us anyway.
Casey:
Right, yes.
Jeff:
But they wouldn’t like the part where you puke up the TV.
Casey:
Because the National Fat Acceptance thing’s budget is, like, 85%, like meeting catering budget, right?
Jeff:
Right, catering.
Casey:
Like, 10% of PR budget and then 5% for these kind of things.
Jeff:
Right. They still manage to get a 501 CE designation because of that 5% that goes to the people. Yeah, we ate the rest of the budget.
Casey:
That would be awesome.
Jeff:
Yeah. Like, all their pie charts in the description…
Casey:
It’s like, “This month’s meeting is at all the country buffet, again.”
Jeff:
That’s right. All you can eat… No, all of their pie charts and graphs are literally pies. They’re just pies with pieces… “This is the part of the pie that we ate, and here’s the part that went towards acceptance.”
Casey:
Of course, all of the charts are always missing.
Jeff:
Just crumbs.
Casey:
Yeah, there are just crumbs.
Jeff:
Awesome. Did you have some more good action for us?
Casey:
What do you mean by good action?
Jeff:
I don’t know. Do you have any more stuff that you want to talk about? We have about five minutes left.
Casey:
We’ve got five minutes left?
Jeff:
Mmhmm… Did you notice that the Al-Qaeda forums all went down? They all went down. All the forums went down and they had an announcement. The CIA said something like, “We’re working it.”
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
Yeah, they were very happy that all the forums have been disrupted.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And all I could think of is did the CIA get something like script kiddy dude in on retainer that broke in to the…
Casey:
What does that even mean? Let’s back it up second here.
Jeff:
Nobody could post.
Casey:
No, hold on a second.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
So, you’re telling me there was a publicly viewable forum for Al-Qaeda.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
And the CIA thought the best idea would be to shut it down? It’s publicly readable!
Jeff:
They were happy about it.
Casey:
You want it to be on, right?
Jeff:
They didn’t come right out and say it and that’s because they didn’t do it. But they want people to think that they did something good. It’s probably they set up their DNS wrong. So, now the forum’s down and CIA’s like, “Bonus!”
Casey:
No, but what am I missing? If they’re actually posting public stuff, don’t you want that to stay open so you can read it?
Jeff:
As long as possible? No, nobody reads Arabic at the CIA. That’s just gibberish over there. That’s just a bunch of gibberish.
Casey:
That’s awesome. Turns out it’s not the Al-Qaeda forum, at all. It’s like a fucking recipe’s forum or some anime group.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right? It’s like “Oh, my goodness. Did you the latest episode of Battle Suit Gundam?” Yeah. Awesome. Here’s the Bittorent link. And like, someone at the CIA is downloading it, thinking it’s going to be some playbook or something. Then, they launch it up and it’s a Japanese cartoon. They’re like, “What the fuck is this?”
Jeff:
“It’s encrypted, Sir.”
Casey:
There must be encoded messages.
Jeff:
Right, exactly.
Casey:
Yeah. “I can’t crack the encryption!”
Jeff:
I suppose if they did listen to them and you went to them, you basically sign yourself up for cavity searches every time you fly. But still, I’d like to go to the forum just to see if there’s a standard in that forum. If it’s like, you know…
Casey:
The Arabic for “me, too” and shit is there…
Jeff:
Right, at first.
Casey:
Yeah, or “that’s gay”.
Jeff:
Yeah. Right, exactly. Because I think it would all be there. Right?
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Yeah. And it would degenerate into arguments where one of them…
Casey:
A- L-L-A-H L-O-L.
Jeff:
Allah, LOL. That probably wasn’t the password. Like, Allah9.
Casey:
That’s true. It would be like A-L-L-O-H. Did you want to talk about the Drake equation?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Why am I talking about the Drake equation? I’m not sure why.
Jeff:
The Drake equation has been in there for a while and I can’t remember where I saw it. I saw somebody refer to it and in this reverent tone. Then, the Drake equation is not an equation is not a fucking at all.
Casey:
No, it’s not in any way.
Jeff:
Right? It’s even a shitty estimate, right? It’s like… It’s this huge variable with 11 unknowns, right? And there are 12 variables in the whole thing. You’re like, “Awesome, Drake.” Was it Drake that…
Casey:
Well, for starters, it’s not… Yeah, it’s not at all an equation because it’s more like a formula.
Jeff:
That’s right.
Casey:
It’s more like, “Well, we multiplied a bunch of terms together that are trying to get a probability. And it’s not solving. It’s not equating a bunch of natural terms together that we can observe.”
Jeff:
It’s a process, right?
Casey:
It’s like, “No. We have absolutely no fucking idea.” And they’re pulled out of you too, which is like, “You know, well, the number of planets and then the chances that life will…” It’s like, “Okay, what does that term… It’s like a hugely impossible to figure out term.” Like, it doesn’t make any sense.
Jeff:
Well, they’re all ridiculous and the thing that’s funny is he took something that we have no idea about. He broke it up into a whole bunch of other things we don’t have any idea about
Casey:
Exactly.
Jeff:
He hasn’t cleared anything up.
Casey:
And that’s progress. Right.
Jeff:
Exactly. He could add a last thing like, “Percentage were dumb stuff,” because that’s an unknown. It’s not going to change the other unknowns, right?
Casey:
Well, this is a common thing, though. For some reason, humans always have this fallacy and I’m not sure, like maybe there’s one of those… Usually… Like you said, the Germans have named it in some psychological context.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But it’s like, for some reason and this is guaranteed true, humans always think that having to guess a larger number of specific things, they’re more likely to be right thas if they guess one less specific thing, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s like, “Oh, okay there’s no way I could possibly just pull a number out of my ass for, like, how likely it is that there’s life on other planets. But instead if I pull the number of my ass for the number of planets, the likelihood of life occurring on one of those planets like the this, the that… If I guessed all of those, then I’m probably way close to the right when I multiply them all together.” It’s like, “Okay, I guess if that’s how you’re rolling.”
Jeff:
Yeah, that’s awesome. I just can’t believe it has a name, right? It’s just so none name worthy anyway. It’s like… “Here’s why Drake’s an Idiot” is what that thing should be called and then we all referenced that, “Here’s example one of exhibit A of Drake’s idiocy is this…”
Casey:
Yes, exactly. It was probably not his fault. I think in some conference, he stood up and said like, “Well, I tried to come up with a number and here’s some ballpark…” And I think somebody else called it Drake’s Equation.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
I don’t think he stood up and go like, “I have something great and monumentous to announce to you all.”
Jeff:
“Everybody, hold onto your seats.”
Casey:
“Gather around.” Right? He’s probably just some dude who is relatively innocuous, got up and said this. And of course, it’s at a gathering where a bunch of people think this is important, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
They are gathering, thinking it makes the difference whether we have a probability for this, which it doesn’t matter at all as far as I can tell…
Jeff:
No, it does.
Casey:
How does it matter?
Jeff:
Because you now have an equation. See, like if you want to know how many percentage of planets are inhabited in the universe, you just need to take the percentage that there’s life in the universe…
Casey:
Right, yes…
Jeff:
Divide it by…
Casey:
Yes, that’s right. By the rest of the total… Yeah…
Jeff:
The number of solar systems, the number of universes…
Casey:
The product of…
Jeff:
Yeah, you just divide two numbers. It perfectly makes sense.
Casey:
Right. It’s going to be one of those clay mathematics, like, grand challenge prizes or whatever where it’s like, “If we could just come up with just one of these numbers in this equation, think of all the proportions that we could… Which just no one’s ever actually been able to figure out a single one of the numbers in this equation. But if we only could, we could start working backwards…”
Jeff:
That is awesome.
Casey:
It’ll be a new day for science. The kinds of advancements we haven’t seen since Wolfram was writing.
Jeff:
Yes. Click that equation to Mathematica and see what happens.
Casey:
Yeah. You get a bunch of [inaudible 61:15] about how you can put the bracket somewhere.
Jeff:
Right. You didn’t use the equals.
Casey:
Cannot connect to kernel. It’s like, “I’m sorry. What?”
Jeff:
Cannot connect to kernel is my favorite error, where you have to restart the kernel.
Casey:
Restart the kernel? You don’t have enough places on the kernel.
Jeff:
What is the kernel?
Casey:
“Where is the kernel? Holy shit. We forgot the kernel. I can’t find my eleven unique herbs and spices.”
Jeff:
Right. “We need the kernel, stat.”
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. “We need the kernel, stat.” How do they put a kernel for a math piece of software? They were like, “No. The most important thing on this…”
Jeff:
Is the kernel.
Casey:
“Is that we can run the kernel on a separate machine and have terminals connect to it solve math problems.” It’s like, what fucking century are you living in? This is not a vax, okay?
Jeff:
I love… Everything about using Mathematica is an exercise on frustration.
Casey:
Yeah, because you only paid sixteen hundred dollars for it.
Jeff:
The syntax is insane.
Casey:
Unreal. Totally unreal.
Jeff:
Absolutely crazy. “Oh, did you capitalize this?” Then, even when you do if you accidentally use a floating point number…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Oh, God help you.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Like, if you say like, “X=.3xY, solve for Y.” You are going to get the most fucked up shit, right? There are going to be numbers to the negative three thousandth times Pi divided by i, like “What the fuck happened here?”
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
If you say now, “X=3xY divided by 10,” oh it can do that but don’t put that fucking decimal in there or you’re just hosed.
Casey:
Well, my favorite thing about it is when you try to do something that has any linear algebra at all.
Jeff:
Oh, yeah.
Casey:
Because basically, like, it just blows it out the scale.
Jeff:
The scale will blow up. But oh, it’s okay Casey because they have the function that unblows it out. It sort of works.
Casey:
No, they don’t. It never works.
Jeff:
Right, exactly. It never works.
Casey:
Like the answer to the problem might be like, invert the matrix and multiply by the factor.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Like, that’s the answer to the problem. Instead you just get the hugest fucking ridiculous stream of meaningless variables.
Jeff:
Right. X times i divided by Y times sub X.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. I have never managed to get Mathematica to solve a vector equation for me faster than I could do it by myself, and I suck at solving equations. I have no idea how they get away with that shit.
Jeff:
I have never seen…
Casey:
Sixteen hundred fucking dollars!
Jeff:
I have never seen…
Casey:
The thing can’t even do a goddamned cross product without spewing shit all over the screen.
Jeff:
Somebody told me that maple was better for linear algebra.
Casey:
It’s not better. It’s not better.
Jeff:
No, it’s exactly as that.
Casey:
It’s the same.
Jeff:
It’s like we blow everything out and then if you’re lucky we can re-vectorize it afterwards.
Casey:
Totally unacceptable.
Jeff:
Which is like… You’re killing me here.
Casey:
I hate it.
Jeff:
It’s good action.
Casey:
Thumbs down. Thumbs all the way down.
Jeff:
That’s our No Good for this week is Mathematica.
Casey:
Mathematica — No Good.
Jeff:
Yeah, no good.
Casey:
Majorly no good.
Jeff:
Right. All math packages — No Good. Mathematica, even worse.
Casey:
Extra No Good. Yeah, absolutely.
Jeff:
It’s really good.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Alright everybody, I guess that’s going to do us…
Casey:
Holy shit. What the hell happened to you?
Jeff:
I don’t know! You do it.
Casey:
Okay, if anyone out there happens to know…
Jeff:
No, you do it.
Casey:
Any single woman for Jeff…
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
It seems like he has sex on the brain right now.
Jeff:
Stop it. I have Mathematica on the brain, even worse.
Casey:
He has Mathematica on the brain. Alright, everyone, thank you for listening to the Jeff and Casey Show.
Jeff:
That’s the anti-Viagra, Mathematica…
Casey:
It has been a pleasure speaking with you this evening.
Jeff:
If you’ve had an erection for more than six hours, try using Mathematica. It’ll take care of that.
Casey:
Awesome. It’s like one of those commercials that has all the text [inaudible 64:50]
Jeff:
Right, exactly.
Casey:
Stephen Wolfram will not personally come and solve your problems for you.
Jeff:
Or what if he did? Maybe that’s the thing, “Warning! Stephen Wolfram might help you.”
Casey:
That’s right. Exactly.
Jeff:
That would be even worse. I’m not taking that drug. No matter what.
Casey:
No, that would be the worst drug ever. The drug where Stephen Wolfram shows up, it’s like, “Eureka!” You’re just like, “Oh, shut up, please.”
Jeff:
“Oh, fuck you.” Alright, everybody. Send us an email at Podcast@JeffAndCaseyShow.com.
Casey:
That would be fabulous. We’d love to hear from you.
Jeff:
Did you see I got the domain right that time?
Casey:
You did. You couldn’t say anything else or you were able to say that.
Jeff:
I couldn’t say anything else but I did that.
Casey:
Alright, and we will see you guys next week…
Jeff:
Next week. Thanks, everybody.
Casey:
From the new podcast studios? Or is there one more?
Jeff:
New podcast studios. It should be on new podcast studios.
Casey:
So, everyone, this is the final broadcast from the original podcast studios in Park Place where the RAD offices will no longer be.
Jeff:
Alright, thanks, everybody.
Casey:
Take it easy.
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casey muratori
the jeff and casey show - season 1 - episode 39
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