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The Technician
No Imperfections Noted
The Jeff and Casey Show
Jeff and Casey Time
Casey Muratori
Seattle, WA
You're Not Using It Right
"All of a sudden, you want to suck Steve Job's cock every time you want to change a bit on your iPhone."
Original air date: October 14th, 2008
Topics. Japan. Tokyo Game Show. Skype. Nightstand porn. Japanese broom-riding location-based entertainment. 100% Pure Awesome. Hang-over meat. Japanese muskmelons. Godzilla. Grape varieties. The iPhone. Bear sitting a picnic table. Negotiating the release of some hostages. Touching cotton. Crowning. The buttswamp. Hard Rock Model Search. Wink is sexy, blink is not. Confiscated salami. Karaoke. Steve Jobs Anus.
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Transcript
Jeff:
Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Jeff & Casey Show.
Casey:
Hello, welcome to the Jeff & Casey Show.
Jeff:
This is our crazy setup where Casey is, right now, in his hotel room in Japan, speaking to us…
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
Speaking to us through Skype, out the speaker of an iMac, into the microphone.
Casey:
This is gonna be real bad, too ‘cos there’s a second and a half of lag so it’s gonna be kind of like on the news programs when they go to their commentator who’s in a different place and the dude always listens to the question for a little bit and is nodding, like when nothing’s actually happening. And then, he starts talking. That’s pretty much gonna be what we’ve got here, unfortunately.
Jeff:
You’re gonna have to fake it.
Casey:
The miracle of the internet doesn’t seem to be able to do anything else. Or maybe it’s Skype and their wonderful video coders is probably what’s happening, actually.
Jeff:
Although I think it’s good. Like, we’ll have to be very…
Casey:
Very insightful, Jeff.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
We’re gonna be very polite to each other because we’ll each take a turn.
Casey:
Well, it’s gonna be more like using one of those old telephones and, you know, Alexander Graham Bell style where you’re like, “Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?”
Jeff:
“Operator? Operator? Get me Casey Muratori.”
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
That’s more what I’m expecting here.
Jeff:
Well, do you have some awesome stories from Japan or what? You haven’t been there too long.
Casey:
I do have… Well, I have been here, what, 4 days/5 days? I got here on Sunday and it’s Friday now, right…
Jeff:
So that means when you left, there was a stock market and now there isn’t.
Casey:
There’s actually a storefront here which has a giant graphical display of the Nikkei Index. And I think they’re probably gonna have to turn that off one of these days because… Yeah, it’s just this giant downward cliff all the time.
Jeff:
We’re gonna use logarithmic displays for our drops from now on and linear for our ups.
Casey:
Well, wasn’t it you and Mike Abrash who were telling me that at one point, the Pakistani government decided to legislate the fact that stocks could only go up.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It just said, “Stocks aren’t allowed to go down anymore. If you buy a stock, you have to buy it at the same or higher price as what it last traded at.” And I was like, “I think that’s the solution.” That’s what they should do, clearly. Just, the government just go and say, “Everyone, we’ve mandated that the stock market grows at 5% a year. Thank you and good night.”
Jeff:
I think that’d be awesome. Like, it’s just for the pesky going down that the stock market would be fantastic for everyone.
Casey:
No, I mean, everyone wins. Clearly, no problem.
Jeff:
Well, so what have you been doing all this time? Have you been acclimating or have you got out and about?
Casey:
Oh, I’ve been out and about all the time. I don’t really acclimate because I’m staying in Shibuya which is the place that I stayed before so I know my way around pretty well here.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
And public transportation here is just amazing compared to back in Seattle where we don’t really have any. So I can take the train anywhere and pretty much do whatever I want to do. I’ve kind of been eating way too much because all the things I wanted to have that, of course, I can’t have back in Seattle because they don’t exist… I’ve been taking full advantage of…
Jeff:
You’re gonna be a round little Buddha.
Casey:
It’s pretty awesome. What?
Jeff:
You’re gonna be a round little Buddha when you come back.
Casey:
Oh, yeah, totally. Well, I’m not stuffing myself quite as much now. I kind of have tried to be a little more reasonable lately. But no, I’ve been out and about quite a bit. And I went to Tokyo Game Show yesterday so I can be our foreign correspondent for all of the wonderful Japanese gaming introductions that have happened in the recent days, hot off the presses, if you will.
Jeff:
A few RPG’s, maybe?
Casey:
There was literally probably a hundred different RPG’s. I mean, there were so many JRPG’s it was stunning. And they’re all really, really difficult to distinguish, you know, from each other because they look… They’re always drawn in the same art style. Literally, there’s no… I mean, they don’t have any such thing as a different Japanese RPG art style. I don’t think there even is one that exists. I don’t think one has ever existed, actually.
Jeff:
Do they have a market for that many? Or do they all sell a few copies?
Casey:
I really, really don’t know. Now there were some things there that… You know… I know that you love the Wii, of course. And there was the perfect game for you. It was a hula hooping game where you kind of did this Hawaiian… No, sorry. Not hula hoop. Just hula, regular. Not hula hoop. Like, you know, with the grass skirts?
Jeff:
Oh, okay.
Casey:
The Hawaiian grass skirts kind of thing?
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
You know what I’m talking about?
Jeff:
Every move tells a story.
Casey:
Yeah. So there’s that. And it was really great to see all these people in business suits getting up there and kind of doing this little hula wave and so on.
Jeff:
Awesome.
Casey:
That was kind of a minor story. So let me give you the rundown on some things that happened to me since I’ve been here.
Jeff:
Alright, tell me.
Casey:
First of all, as you know, I got an iPhone because I wanted to do development on the iPhone.
Jeff:
Yes, I know. This is awesome.
Casey:
Yeah, I know. So I got an iPhone so I could do development on it. And of course, my old phone does not work in Japan because it’s not 3G…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Not that I have any idea what 3G actually is but, you know, the wavelength or whatever they use here is 3G. So you have to have a 3G capable phone if you want to use it in Japan, right?
Jeff:
It means 3-Great.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
It does.
Casey:
So anyway, I brought my iPhone to Japan, figuring, “Well, I can use the iPhone here. So let me go ahead and do that.” And of course, I plug it in on the nightstand here. I’m staying in a hotel room and I wanted to use it so I could see the time, you know, what time it is. So I’m plugging the iPhone in to the wall socket that’s behind the nightstand. So to do this, I have to move the nightstand out a bit, you know, just a little bit…
Jeff:
I hate that. I hate that.
Casey:
Well, I mean, you know, it’s just what you have to do, right?
Jeff:
But everywhere you have to do it. It’s like, “Yo, we need power. What’s the deal, yo?”
Casey:
You know, I have absolutely no idea what you’re saying. Skype blows. Skype is such a piece of shit.
Jeff:
Extrapolate.
Casey:
I’m basically podcasting by myself here.
Jeff:
Extrapolate, my friend.
Casey:
I’ll just guess what you’re saying. Anyway, let me finish my story.
Jeff:
Goddamn it.
Casey:
So I go to unplug it the other day and I moved the nightstand out a little further than I had previously. And I noticed there’s some stuff, like, back behind the nightstand that I hadn’t noticed before…
Jeff:
Uh-oh…
Casey:
And I reached down there and there’s this secret cache of porn DVD’s that someone has hidden behind the nightstand.
Jeff:
Awesome.
Casey:
There were, like, 4 porn DVD’s there. Or, I don’t know, like CD’s/DVD’s something like that, right?
Jeff:
Is it in every room?
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
Is it in every single room?
Casey:
No. No. Someone… ‘Cos there’s some friends of mine and Atman’s from DICE in Sweden are staying here… They’re also staying in the same hotel.
Jeff:
And they didn’t hit porn?
Casey:
So I told them about this. They looked but they didn’t find any.
Jeff:
Well, they need to call the front desk.
Casey:
I’m trying to find out… Like, I’d love to know what exactly happened. Like, I’m trying to reconstruct the story in my head of somebody who, for some reason, was staying in a one-person… Like, it’s a single bed. So it’s a one-person hotel room felt they had to hide their porn stash behind the nightstand and then left it, like, forgot it there or something… I really don’t know. Like…
Jeff:
Well, more importantly…
Casey:
It’s kind of a strange…
Jeff:
Do you think he called the hotel and said, “Ummm… I left some stuff in my room. It’s just some stuff. I wonder if I can get back in my room. You don’t need to get it for me. I’ll come back…”
Casey:
That would be awesome.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
That would be so awesome. Well, the best part is…
Jeff:
So how was it? What kind of porn was it?
Casey:
I don’t know. I threw it out.
Jeff:
Oh… Save that shit.
Casey:
I took a picture of the fronts of the CD’s for you so that I can send it.
Jeff:
Oh, wait. They’re CD’s. They’re not…
Casey:
Well, DVD’s… They’re disks.
Jeff:
Oh, I see.
Casey:
They’re like a… You know… I don’t know. They’re digital media. So it’s not like a magazine or something.
Jeff:
That should have gone so on the Drobo. Why are you hanging me out to dry here?
Casey:
Well, I don’t know. It felt weird finding someone else’s porn stash. Like, I felt like I was invading their privacy. I felt like I shouldn’t…
Jeff:
Well, was it sticky or something? It should’ve been fine. Goddamn it. Save that shit.
Casey:
No, I mean that’s their own thing. I don’t want to go snooping through their collection, you know. It’s just… It’s like 4 fucking DVD’s. It’s pretty substantial for a hotel room cache.
Jeff:
Yeah, that sounded pretty good.
Casey:
I mean, it’s starting to kind of… That’s impressive. I bet some people haven’t even gotten up to 4 Japanese porn DVD’s in their own home porn collection. But these people were rocking it hardcore. Now, the thing is I had to decide how to dispose of these, right, because in Japan, you cannot actually…
Jeff:
“Those aren’t mine.”
Casey:
Throw things out into a trash. They don’t have the concept of a trash, you know.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
What they have is a series of sorting containers. So there’s combustibles, non-combustibles, PET bottles, plastics… There’s all these different types of garbage. And I had to figure out what does a CD… What does a porn CD go into when you throw it out?
Jeff:
Well, doesn’t it…
Casey:
I chose incombustibles.
Jeff:
Well, wait, wait, wait… I think it depends on the DVD, right? Like, you might have combustibles. You might have shampoo…
Casey:
Is it sorted by content or media type?
Jeff:
Yeah, exactly.
Casey:
Yeah. I don’t know. That’s a very good question. It’s like, “Oh, this one should be sorted into vegetables.” You know, “This one’s recyclable. This one isn’t.”
Jeff:
And this is…
Casey:
This is a one watch only…
Jeff:
This is cucumbers. This is pet residue.
Casey:
Yeah. Oh, man. So yeah, that was kind of a strange experience. I hadn’t had that experience in a hotel room before. And I have really no idea about that.
Jeff:
Yeah, usually you just find Bibles. You don’t find porn.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
So, I don’t know. I’d love to know. I’m dying to know the circumstances under which this got deposited in my hotel room but I just don’t see any way that I’ll ever find out.
Jeff:
On the 7th day, he created porn.
Casey:
Sort of. Yeah.
Jeff:
Oh, that’s pretty awesome. I can’t believe you didn’t keep it. So in the little sorting containers, are they… When they empty them, is it going to be clear that you threw out a bunch of porn? Like, are you getting stigma?
Casey:
Well, it’s not… No, because that’s the other awesome thing about… Like, trash in this country is just a disaster because not only do they not have just a dumpster that you throw trash in. So you would lose your shit because you don’t even like to recycle in the US where the only decision you have to make is “is this recyclable or not”, right? Here, you have to do sorting into 4 or up to 5 bins, right, which is much worse than the US situation. And these bins only exist in very small sets of locations around town, right. There aren’t just trash cans every 5 feet. It’s like you have to go to a 7/11, which I guess wouldn’t be a problem for you ‘cos you always go to the 7/11 anyway.
Jeff:
Do they have 7/11’s?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Really? With Slurpees?
Casey:
I haven’t tried to find a Slurpee in there. So I don’t know. I assume so. I’ll have to look.
Jeff:
That’s awesome. Japan doesn’t sound so bad now.
Casey:
So… What was I gonna say? Oh, more importantly, some of the TGS action that I saw… There was one thing that was particularly… I guess while we’re on the porn front, that was particularly interesting TGS that I can only hope eventually makes it to a Game Works near us. And that is that there is a… I believe it was company from Beijing maybe…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Was demo-ing this game that was a witch combat simulator. So it’s basically, you know, like the old Daytona arcade machines where you sort of had these multiple… You all can play at the same time and if you are all playing together, then you would all show up on the same race or whatever, you know what I mean?
Jeff:
Oh, sure. Okay. Yeah.
Casey:
That kind of thing… So it’s like that only you play witches that ride around brooms and you shoot at each other on these brooms. And the winner wins that round… I don’t know what the deal is. The interesting part about this is much like Daytona, it is kind of one of those rides that has a big plastic piece that you sort of get in to experience it. And it is basically like a giant phallic broom that you sit on, right…
Jeff:
Awesome.
Casey:
And the top of the broom, like the shaft of the broom, is coming out from underneath your crotch…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
The tip of the broom has the trigger that allows you to shoot on it, right… And 2 little things that are where you’d rub the tip of the shaft for speeding up and slowing down, okay… And then out the back, out your ass, is the big broom piece that’s flaring out there, right? So you’re squatting on this thing, right. You’re kneeling. It’s got 2 things for your knees. You’re kneeling. You’ve got this thing sticking, this big old plastic thing that you’re holding on to with both hands, right. You’re gyrating around because that’s how you steer is you’re moving this thing around…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
You’re rubbing the top to kind of go faster or slower and shoot things, right… It is the most ridiculously sexually suggestive thing you have ever seen…
Jeff:
Awesome.
Casey:
For an arcade game, anyway. Ridiculous. Absolutely. I’m really hoping I… Of course, because the iPhone’s such a piece of shit, it can’t take a video or I would happily post one for you. So I’m hoping that someone who took TGS video of all the crazy people walking around, you know, with cameras and whatever… That we’ll be able to find one on the internet that someone took a picture of people riding this thing because it is ridiculous.
Jeff:
Awesome. Hand Job 5000?
Casey:
Oh, God. It’s amazing.
Jeff:
That is…
Casey:
You could repurpose this game for a number of markets, I think.
Jeff:
Yeah. You don’t even have to really, sounds like, re-skin it. It’s just change the…
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Change the name of game is mostly it.
Jeff:
That’s it.
Casey:
Of course, the name of game is also awesome. It was something like Parse Rapune. Like, the first word was Parse.
Jeff:
Parse like…
Casey:
P-A-R-S-E.
Jeff:
Oh, wow.
Casey:
Like a parser, like the C++ front end or something.
Jeff:
Awesome.
Casey:
Yeah. It’s pretty awesome.
Jeff:
That is pretty crazy. Did you try it?
Casey:
Oh, yeah. I loved it. I worked the shaft.
Jeff:
I shot some stuff. I played for about 5 minutes then took a nap.
Casey:
Absolutely. Absolutely. No, it’s good stuff. What was I gonna say? Oh, so another awesome story I have for you from here, it’s kind of a secondhand story, though, but it’s a really good one. So the Swedish developers from DICE that I was talking about before…
Jeff:
Right. Okay.
Casey:
Who you guys worked with, right? Dave works with them ‘cos they use Granny.
Jeff:
Yeah, sure.
Casey:
So anyway… So they’re here. And we’ve been hanging out, whatever… They’re good friends of Atman’s… Well, they’re friends of mine, too, now. I’d met one of them before and the other one, I’ve also been hanging out with here. So I know them pretty well now. Anyway, they were telling me a story about… For their code base, right… Somebody checked in, like, an improvement to [ the level building ] process or something that sped things up considerably, right. It was like a really slow thing…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
And they checked in a change that sped it up dramatically. And the comment that the person put on the check in was “100% pure awesome”. That was the comment on the check-in, right. And it’s actually pretty nice. It’s a great phrase, too. The reason this came up is ‘cos they kept saying it. Like, we’d [inaudible 16:27] with something and one of them, they’d say it. They have these great accents, right? So they’d be like, “100% pure awesome,” right, is how they would say it. So they’ve been saying that. I’m like, “Why do you guys keep saying, ’100% pure awesome’?” And they told me the check-in was “100% pure awesome”. So the punch line, though, to this is that it was a… It didn’t actually work. It was a crash bug in check-in for the “100% pure awesome”. So you had to revert the change and check-in an update to the “100% pure awesome”. I thought that was particularly excellent.
Jeff:
Well, it’s like 101% more awesome, like…
Casey:
Yeah. It’s like, I don’t know… If a crash bug is “100% pure awesome”, I’m not sure… That kind of does some significant grade inflation, right, to the rest of the awesomeness scale. I guess if you want something that actually works, you’ve got to hit, like, 200-300% pure awesome…
Jeff:
That is awesome.
Casey:
Yeah, that’s pretty good.
Jeff:
That is pretty crazy, my friend.
Casey:
So here’s another thing that I thought you’d find particularly interesting. But I didn’t manage to get a picture of this ‘cos I somehow totally spaced and forgot to take it as I was walking out of the subway car. So there’s an ad here. And I am trying to remember… Oh, Haminiku, okay. So there’s an ad here. And basically, what it showed was it showed a woman from the back, right, like it was just showing the back of a woman.
Jeff:
I like the start of the story.
Casey:
And just from let’s say the neck was the top of the photo…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Down to above the waist, like the small of the back maybe, right. That’s all you see of this person.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Okay. And there’s some fat on her shoulder blades, right?
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
And it’s got them circled. It’s got them, like, the 2 fatty shoulder blades are circled with little dotted circles, okay?
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
And it says on it… I can read it, right. I can read it. It says, “Haminiku,” right. I see this. There’s the Katakana for “Ha” and “Mi” and then there’s the Kanji for “Niku”. And that means “meat”, okay. That means “meat that you eat”, not like “to meet people” but meat that you eat, like beef.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Right?
Jeff:
This is like [inaudible 18:57]
Casey:
Yeah. Right. So I ask Yukari… I ask Atman’s wife. I’m like, “What does that say on that ad? Like, ‘Haminiku’, what does that mean?” And she’s like, “Oh, that’s like when you have meat that’s too big and it hangs over the sides, right? It’s like hanging off the plate, right, it doesn’t fit.” And she’s like, “So that’s an advertisement for some kind of tea or supplement that’s supposed to prevent you from getting that. It’s like, you know, kind of a prophylactic drink that prevents you from getting ‘hangover meat’,” if you will, which we don’t actually have that. I guess flab is our term for it here, I guess. Maybe? I don’t know.
Jeff:
I think… I like “hangover meat”.
Casey:
Yeah. Well, Haminiku. There you go. So you can use that from now on.
Jeff:
That’s awesome.
Casey:
Yeah. It was a pretty good ad.
Jeff:
It’s like hangover meat.
Casey:
It is. There’s been a ton of it. I’m trying to get some of it up there on to the Molly Rocket in Casey’s Corner. I’m trying to put up a bunch of stuff from the pictures that I have. There’s so many ridiculous things like that that I’ve seen here. But, you know, kind of standard. It’s what you expect, you know. There’s some really crazy stuff.
Jeff:
So I saw the picture of the cantaloupe, the crazy…
Casey:
Musk melon.
Jeff:
No, it’s a cantaloupe.
Casey:
No, it’s a musk melon.
Jeff:
But it’s cantaloupe.
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
But, you know the cantaloupe picture there that you had…
Casey:
Dude, do I have to replay you my rant, my fake rant, from a few podcasts ago where I was trying to say…
Jeff:
You know what, why would you ever name something musk melon, you know? It sounds like something you dig out of your ass after you worked all day in the sun. “Oh, man. I’ve got a musk melon.” And why would you want to name something so revolting?
Casey:
What? It’s musk. It’s just the phrase, musk… I mean, they use that to refer to cologne that men wear and shit.
Jeff:
Again, the cologne called “musk”, I would not wear is all I’m saying.
Casey:
But you don’t wear any, anyway.
Jeff:
Smells like Bigfoot’s dick.
Casey:
You’re just out of control here, dude. The name of the fruit is musk melon. I don’t know… I don’t care what you think of the name. It’s what it’s called.
Jeff:
So wait, it’s more important than the name, which is cantaloupe, is that why was it so much money? So tell us… Since not everybody’s gonna see the picture, describe it for us.
Casey:
Well, so one of the things that happens here is that fruits are actually sold much like wines are sold, unlike in the US where fruit is just fruit, right?
Jeff:
Right. And you’re speaking of fruits and vegetables?
Casey:
Well, yes, only not the vegetables.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So just the fruits.
Jeff:
Okay. I’m with you.
Casey:
So the fruits are like… You know, they’ll have grapes or something. They’re $21 and they come in, like, a fancy box, like a gift box grapes. They’ll have these melons that are $200/$300/$400. They’re just extremely, extremely expensive. And they’re grown in very extraordinarily meticulous conditions. And you know, it’s kind of like intel, you know. When they do a batch of chips and they stratify them so the yield that comes out, being able to run at the highest clock rate, gets sold for $700.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
And then the same chip that couldn’t quite be clocked aside gets sold at drastically less, $200. That’s what they do. So they’ve got the musk melon harvest and the finest melon that was the most perfect shape and the most perfect smell. And I’ve heard they fucking MRI them and shit. I hope that’s bullshit. But I’ve head they use, like, ultrasound and imaging and stuff to determine how good it is inside and all this stuff…
Jeff:
Is there a warranty? Like, can you guarantee the tastiness?
Casey:
I don’t really know. My Japanese is not so good. So I can’t really ask a whole lot of questions. I mean, I kinda have to ask Yukari if it’s anything complicated like, “Is the taste of this melon warrantied?” Like, I don’t know how I would ask that. But in general, there is… It is kind of that way. I believe you get a certificate of, you know… I believe it’s authenticated, you know what I mean? There’s kind of like a conference room like at a bank when you get a loan. You know what I’m saying? Like, that kind of thing… There’s that for purchasing these melons. There’s a special room you go into where you talk with the person… Maybe you work out, like, financing for your melon. I don’t know.
Jeff:
I don’t like any of this.
Casey:
I don’t know if you can buy it in an installment plan or something.
Jeff:
I don’t like this at all because this just means more interaction with the humans. It means more work for a cantaloupe which is usually $4, tops. It’s not even…
Casey:
Well, here’s let me show you something.
Jeff:
It’s not even pre-sliced. I don’t like any of this. Can you make them slice it up? Because I don’t like to do any work for my melon, okay. Those look like plums. Are they plums?
Casey:
They’re grapes.
Jeff:
Those are grapes?
Casey:
Yep, that’s what $15 worth of grapes is gonna buy you. They’re gonna buy you grapes the size of plums. They’re freaking awesome.
Jeff:
See, this is why you guys end up with Godzilla, though. Like, it’s all the radiation that you’re feeding to your fruit.
Casey:
What are you talk--…
Jeff:
Just eat normal-sized grapes and don’t have your cities destroyed. It’s simple to me.
Casey:
Well, I don’t know about that because, I mean, at the end of the day, right, if you had had grapes this size Godzilla wouldn’t destroy a city. He’d just eat these grapes. They’re really tasty. I’m eating one right now.
Jeff:
No. Don’t eat the grapes. I can already… You’re gonna have crazy sounds come across Skype. It’ll have no entry in the VQ table for the smack of a grape chew.
Casey:
Oh, you never knew. It might.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
I’m gonna go ahead and peel this. This is looking good, too. So these grapes, you peel, apparently. You peel before you eat them. You don’t eat the skin.
Jeff:
Wait. So this is a distinct reduction in the grape. Peeling the grape only makes it worse, right?
Casey:
Hold on a second. Hold on.
Jeff:
Ewww… It came through really loud.
Casey:
Mmm… That’s a good grape.
Jeff:
But why would you want to, like, fuck up the grape by making it peelable? It’s like, “Hey, look at these apples. They have leather.”
Casey:
No, no, no. No, no. Stop. Stop. Back it up.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
There are many varieties. You don’t have to get the peelable ones. There’s seedless and non seedless, peelable, non-peelable. You have all the varieties. I was trying some of these peelable ones because I wanted to have that experience. And they’re quite good. But I’ve also had the ones that you just pop in your mouth.
Jeff:
Again…
Casey:
That’s what she said. That’s what she said.
Jeff:
Now, again, why… Once you have the skinless, seedless grape, would you ever go back to the old one? It’s like, once you see…
Casey:
Well, flavor difference.
Jeff:
What?
Casey:
There’s flavor difference.
Jeff:
No, there’s pain in a ass differences that exceed the flavor.
Casey:
Jeff, you eat 90% of your meals at the 7/11, okay…
Jeff:
Are there Burger King’s there?
Casey:
I don’t think you’re off authority on whether or not there should be grapes of various kinds in Japan.
Jeff:
No. I am the authority. And I say that, “No. There should not be…” Have you been to a Burger King in Japan?
Casey:
I don’t think there are Burger King’s in Japan.
Jeff:
Oh, I’m not going.
Casey:
There’s McDonald’s. There’s also Kentucky Fried Chicken. I don’t think they have the sides you like, though.
Jeff:
I like a good side. It’s true.
Casey:
I don’t know what you’d eat here, to be honest. I think everything would be, like, too scary for you because it’s not a veggie burger.
Jeff:
I went to a restaurant today and had to have grilled Portobello mushroom…
Casey:
What restaurant?
Jeff:
I don’t remember. It was in Bellevue. And it was this enormous mushroom that looked like someone shat on my plate. Why do mushrooms get big? Why can’t they stay little and come out of a can and slice so they’re all the exact same size and shape? You know those ones you get on cheap pizza that are exactly the same. They’re like, they stamp…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
They had a big roll of mushrooms.
Casey:
Yeah, like button mushrooms.
Jeff:
Yeah. Like, you rolled out a bunch of mushroom dough and then you had a mushroom… Little cookie-cutter. And then you squeeze down a bunch of them and then put them in a jar with water…
Casey:
You actually like those?
Jeff:
On pizzas…
Casey:
Frankly, I think those are disgusting.
Jeff:
No, they’re good.
Casey:
Portobellos are pretty good. But, you know, at the end of the day, I’m a enoki person myself. Also, chanterelles… Those are very delicious.
Jeff:
I think you’re making up names now. Stop eating grapes. These grapes, when you’re on the iMac, even look larger. Stop it. It looks exactly like a [inaudible 28:07]
Casey:
Alright, so let’s talk about something important here.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
This piece of shit iPhone that you claim is so great…
Jeff:
Have you… You said you had it on the side of your bed and you’re sleeping with it…
Casey:
So let’s talk about this thing.
Jeff:
It’s awesome.
Casey:
Basically, the only thing this iPhone can do, right, is the fact that it’s got fast graphics. Other than that, this thing is the biggest piece of shit, dude.
Jeff:
No, it’s not.
Casey:
The camera is essentially non-functional. I do not know who built this camera.
Jeff:
The camera’s the same as any other stupid phone camera.
Casey:
No, it’s not. It’s worse than my Treo which had a bad camera, like, 5 years ago.
Jeff:
No, they’re all that sucky.
Casey:
No, they’re not, dude.
Jeff:
Dude, I had the phone before this. It did, too, suck. They’re like, 1 megapixel… And then they’re going, like, really high megapixel which doesn’t matter when there’s no flash because nobody’s stable enough to take a picture without a flash anyway.
Casey:
Dude, a bunch of cameras now have flashes, a bunch of phone cameras have flashes.
Jeff:
They all suck because they don’t want to use the power. You need a different kind of battery source to get the good flash action. You just are loving your iPhone and you’re embraced to say how much you love it.
Casey:
Okay. I’m not done yet so you need to quiet down.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Here’s the deal…
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Okay. The camera is essentially unusable. Touch screen, freaking terrible, okay…
Jeff:
Rules.
Casey:
You can’t touch 2 things next to each other. So, like, using the keyboard is this grotesque misadventure. If you want to hold down Shift, you can’t hit any of the keys near shit, right? You have to, like…
Jeff:
You don’t ever hold them down. It’s not that kind of show.
Casey:
Yeah. Because you can’t, right? So you have to be super slow and be wicked tappy like, “Oh, tap… Move my thumb out of the way, tap the other thing…
Jeff:
No, no, no, no, no…
Casey:
It’s really annoying.
Jeff:
You press down on the Shift and then you slide over the letter that you want and then release.
Casey:
That’s even worse.
Jeff:
You have not read the manual at all.
Casey:
’Cos then you have to switch modes for which one you’re doing, right? Then you have to be like, “Oh, okay. If I’m hitting one that’s sort of next to the shift key, then instead of using 2 thumbs for it, I use one and I slide my thumb over there.” It’s like, “Awesome…”
Jeff:
What?
Casey:
Even better… It’s ass.
Jeff:
What are you talking about. You just…
Casey:
The whole thing is ass.
Jeff:
No…
Casey:
Also, it can’t handle 2 touches in rapid succession. Like when I’m typing fast, it just drops letters. It just totally misses them, right, which I think might just be the software, I don’t know, that’s the touch screen… I think it’s probably just the fact the software is fucking slow, really slow. Ugh, it’s terrible.
Jeff:
No. You’re crazy.
Casey:
Oh, you can’t get the photos off of it, right. So you plug it in, it’s not a drive. So you have to fucking run iPhone or something to get your photos off the phone…
Jeff:
No. Wait, wait, wait. That’s not true.
Casey:
That’s awesome…
Jeff:
If you install iTunes once, it will also install the iTunes driver to just make it look like… Or not the iTunes, the iPhone driver. And then, it’ll just look like a drive.
Casey:
Oh, so you think I’m gonna install iTunes on my machine? Is that what’s gonna happen?
Jeff:
You’re gonna have to. I told you to put that on the Mac OS partition. That’s the only thing that you need off of it.
Casey:
I do. I have to… Oh, so it’s really convenient to boot back to Macintosh to get my photos off of my phone.
Jeff:
Well, then, install iTunes, Whiney McWhiner. Look, you love the iPhone. I understand. You’re just having a few of the hard times in a new relationship.
Casey:
Better yet, I want to put some music on there. I have to run iTunes, okay, which means it copies all of my MP3’s twice. So I go to iTunes and I can’t just say, “Hey, here’s the directory for the MP3’s. Put them on my iPhone.” No. I have to add them to my Library, which makes a second copy of the MP3.
Jeff:
No, it doesn’t.
Casey:
Yes, it does. I watched the hard drive, Jeff it copied them all over.
Jeff:
No, it doesn’t. That’s not what you’re seeing. What you’re seeing is it copies all of the ID 2 or 1 tags out so that it can hit those without hitting the original file. I’m not gonna defend iTunes…
Casey:
But they did that then put them in the biggest format I’ve ever seen.
Jeff:
’Cos that’s the most retarded thing in the universe, I agree. It’s just… It works alright. However…
Casey:
No, it doesn’t work alright.
Jeff:
Yes, it does.
Casey:
No, it definitely does not work alright, okay. Alright would be the way my actual MP3 player does it where you plug it into the USB drive on any computer that doesn’t have anything installed. And then, you drag MP3’s on to it. That’s alright.
Jeff:
I’m telling you, you’ve got to install iTunes once to get the driver. And then you’ll be, like, happy little Casey…
Casey:
I don’t gotta do shit. All I gotta do is use this for sushi development and wait ‘til someone ships a better fucking phone. That’s what I have to do.
Jeff:
No… You’ll so be loving it. And then, I’ll be talking on my iPhone to you and you’re on your iPhone… And then we’ll call on other people…
Casey:
Better yet, I wanted to buy some Kanji practice applications for it ‘cos I had Kanji practice applications on my Treo. So I go ahead to try and do that, right… I’m sitting… I’m like, “Oh, I’ll do that on the plane,” right. I’ll buy one and I’ll practice some Kanji on the ride over to Japan, right? Sounds like a pretty good idea. So I go ahead and try to do that. Nope. Sorry. You can’t buy an application without a computer. You have to have a computer. Once you go through this huge setup process on the computer, eventually, you can buy apps on the actual phone, right? But it’s like, “no”.
Jeff:
Well, you just have to… Again, you have to set up one account one time, attach a credit card and you’re good to.
Casey:
Yeah, but all of these things are stupid, right? It’s like, all these ridiculous shit you have to do. It’s shitty. It’s poorly done.
Jeff:
No, no, no. Dude, you’re like… All this shit sucks because I can’t do it the way I want to. Just do it the way that they want you to…
Casey:
Okay, wait a second. Hold on a second. I’m sorry. Wait a minute. Did I get this iPhone for free or is this a consumer device in a capitalist society where I’m supposed to be able to buy shit that does what I want it to do? It’s not like it’s some kind of, like, “Oh, Apple’s being so nice to you and giving you this phone and you’re complaining about these things because it’s not working the way you want…”
Jeff:
No. That’s not the point. No.
Casey:
I want my shit to work the way I want it. That’s why I buy things.
Jeff:
But no, you…
Casey:
I buy things that work the way I want, not the ones that work the way that you want or Steve wants.
Jeff:
No. It’s the way the software was designed. And bitching about “the software doesn’t work like you want” when you refuse to use it how you’re supposed to is ridiculous. It’s like… Install iTunes…
Casey:
You can say that about any problem, right? Anything that’s busted, you can say that about it.
Jeff:
Install iTunes and it will do exactly what you want.
Casey:
I do have iTunes. I have it on the Mac. That’s what I’ve been using. It’s fucking terrible. And I just told you a bunch of reasons why. Oh, you want to know the even better one that I was… I wanted to get my photos off of it, right. So I’m in iTunes. I click on “Sync My Photos”. It says, “All of the photos on your iPhone will be deleted.” I was like, “Uh, that’s not what I wanted.”
Jeff:
Yeah…
Casey:
So, I’m like, “Is there any way I can not delete them and just access the photos instead” No. No way you can do that. In fact, it is actually impossible. You have to go to iPhoto. Awesome.
Jeff:
Right. Right. iPhoto’s the one that you can take pictures off…
Casey:
“100% pure awesome.”
Jeff:
Yeah, that’s right. It is pure awesome. And you’re…
Casey:
No, this is a piece of shit. And the fact that you’re apologizing for it is ridiculous, dude. This is an unacceptable application pipeline.
Jeff:
Oh, you are crazy. You are so crazy at this point…
Casey:
No, I am not crazy.
Jeff:
Yes, you are crazy. “Oh, my software doesn’t work like it’s supposed to because I refuse to use it correctly.”
Casey:
But all software works the way that it works. Saying that it’s good because it works the way that it works is stupid.
Jeff:
No, no. You can say iTunes sucks and I agree with you. There’s parts of it that do. But if you say that I refuse to use iTunes…
Casey:
No. All of it does. There aren’t parts of it that do. All of it does. Name a part of iTunes that works well. Any part. Go.
Jeff:
What do you mean? When you plug in the… Here are the parts of iTunes… And again, I don’t want to defend their software because I think their software sucks…
Casey:
Well, then, why are you talking shit the whole time?
Jeff:
Because what you just…
Casey:
It sure does sound like you want to defend their software.
Jeff:
Said that 5 seconds down, you take the pain in the ass to create the account. You set that up. And I ignore it completely. I copy shit into my MP3 library. I hit “Sync”. And that’s what I get on the iPhone. It’s fine. It’s like you’re… Every piece of software sucks and iTunes has more suckitude. I could totally… I mean, we’ve had many rants about how many things are broken on it.
Casey:
No. But every piece of software… Every device does not suck. I have a video camera. When I plug the video camera can, it shows up on my podcast with nothing installed. I drag and drop the video files over and I play them. Hey, they’re video files. My PM3 player, I plug it into my thing and the MP3’s show up. Why is it such a big deal all of a sudden just to fucking use this device after installing the software. I have to go through it every time I want to do so. So I can’t use any other applications that I might want to use to manage it. I can’t even write my own applications that work to manage it. I can’t use a 3rd party app to manage it because none of that shit works. It’s like, since when is this an improvement? This is a massive step backwards and you’re acting like it’s great.
Jeff:
It is great. Because…
Casey:
Like all of a sudden you want to suck Steve Jobs cock every time you want to change a fucking bit on your iPhone. Pathetic.
Jeff:
No, like, it is way more awesome. Like, you’re complaining about the software which I feel like will get better. And there will be just…
Casey:
Oh, right. ‘Cos there’s been lots of updates to iTunes that made it better over the past 10 fucking years.
Jeff:
No, no, no. Not iTunes. What I’m saying is that there’s lots of software out there for an iPod that is fine, right, that does exactly what you want. That stuff will just ship for the iPhone or it will get better. Again, the amount of times I have to use iTunes is I stick it in there in the morning to charge. It puts my contacts on and it puts any podcasts that I subscribe to. It downloads and put it on. Once you set it up, it’s like any other shitty application. It’s like, fine… It’s annoying when I have to do something new. But when I’m just using it once it’s set up, I don’t even interact with it. It just does it. And that’s like, “Okay, fine. Whatever.” I don’t know. If you go in fighting iTunes… By the way, every 5 minutes, the screensaver kicks in on this iMac and I lose you.
Casey:
No, but that’s okay. That’s the way it’s supposed to work, Jeff.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
You’re just not using it right.
Jeff:
God damn it.
Casey:
You’re supposed to use it for 5 minutes and then stop.
Jeff:
Damn it.
Casey:
It’s helping you.
Jeff:
So you have to admit the browsing is awesome.
Casey:
I liked the fact that the browsing has multiple page support so you can save the multiple pages. The browsing is definitely not awesome because you can’t have it shrink the window size. So I totally disagree. The browser needs a lot of work.
Jeff:
Wait, wait…
Casey:
And it doesn’t support Flash and won’t support Flash.
Jeff:
No, no. There’s supposed to be Flash soon. Adobe’s working on it. But wait, what do you mean by shrink the window? Why would you ever want that?
Casey:
Because here’s what normally happens, right… You go to a website and that website is locked to a particular size because the iPhone just reports a specific window size, right. You know on the PC, you can resize the window and then if the webpage…
Jeff:
Oh, you mean like reflow?
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It can’t do reflow. So as a result, I always end up having to pan around all my shit. Like on my Treo, which has a vastly inferior web browser. When I used to read the news, I could just fucking read the news. Now, on my iPhone, if I actually shrink it so that I can read an entire line of the news, it’s too small for me to actually read the text. So I constantly have to pan around. It’s not good. All the shit is… People just like fact that the graphics moves around fast. You’re all a bunch of fucking sizzle whores…
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
This device is a piece of shit.
Jeff:
That has nothing to do with it. Like, reading for me… I can… In the morning, when I get up and I want to check the internet stuff, I can sit there for an hour. I just end up using it… I don’t do scrolling. I like… If you double click on the column, it zooms up on that column. And if it doesn’t fit, it gets closed. And then I just drag my finger back and forth, kind of like when you used to read, like…
Casey:
Right. So when you said you don’t use scrolling, you meant you drag your finger back and forth. Some people might call that scrolling since that’s the scrolling operation.
Jeff:
No, no. I mean like… I turn it to the size that fits the best, right? And then I’m just moving it up and down.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
I’m not scrolling left and right. I’m just sliding it up as I’m reading.
Casey:
How can you… You must have better eyesight, I guess. Or maybe your phone has a magical higher density or something ‘cos I can’t fucking read it.
Jeff:
Well, you could also be… I usually do it in landscape mode when I’m reading web pages, which works better for me ‘cos usually…
Casey:
That may be… Oh, you know what, that would probably help ‘cos then I could get more horizontal.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Of course, then you don’t have very much vertical, but yeah…
Jeff:
Yeah. Well, that’s why I just scroll down. And see, when you’re laying your head on the pillow and you have your iPhone with you in bed. . .
Casey:
Yep. And you’re at the Angelina Jolie fan site…
Jeff:
You can hold it horizontally and just scroll and it lines up with your head just right. That’s all I’m saying.
Casey:
Piece of shit.
Jeff:
No. It’s awesome. So how’s the reception there? Is it good?
Casey:
Oh, yeah.
Jeff:
’Cos my biggest problem with the iPhone is the reception, not anything else, so…
Casey:
Yeah. I haven’t ever used it in the US, really. So I don’t know.
Jeff:
Yeah. That’s an AT&T problem, not the iPhone.
Casey:
That’s probably just because there’s no competition, right? You know, it’s like if you want an iPhone, you’d have to get it from AT&T so I don't think they probably have a whole lot of incentive to fix that, right?
Jeff:
Yeah, totally.
Casey:
Why did you send me a photograph of a bear sitting in a picnic table?
Jeff:
I told Sean… I said, “I found the best…”
Casey:
That is a new fucking low even for you, Jeff.
Jeff:
I said I found a picture that, if it was labeled Casey, it could not be more appropriate for Casey. It’s just a bear…
Casey:
That was the stupidest fucking thing, dude.
Jeff:
Just sitting in a picnic table, waiting to be fed. It’s like, “Hey, bring me some. I’m sitting here. It’s comfortable. What?” He even has, like…
Casey:
I just can’t imagine. Why would someone… This is the thing, right. Why would someone see a bear on a picnic table and go, “Oh, I’ve got to send that around,” right?
Jeff:
What do you mean? That would be the first thing I’d do.
Casey:
“I can’t wait ‘til my friends see this bear sitting at the picnic table.” What kind of evaluator do you have in your mental model of what is cool when you see a bear sitting at a picnic table and go, “Oh, he’s got to see this. This is gonna be so cool.”
Jeff:
It was cool. That’s what I said when…
Casey:
What is your flow chart? Describe your internal flow chart for looking at a photo and…
Jeff:
I saw that picture. If I had seen that live, holy shit!
Casey:
What? It’s just a bear. It’s a bear on a picnic table.
Jeff:
Yeah, waiting. Just sitting there with his elbows on the table. He’s ready to go.
Casey:
So what is the remarkable part? The fact that he’s waiting?
Jeff:
No, the fact that he’s sitting up on the bench, just waiting for some food.
Casey:
But bears sit on all kinds of things.
Jeff:
But not up on the table, waiting for some food. It’s awesome.
Casey:
Oh, my fucking lord.
Jeff:
I knew as soon as I saw that, like, “Holy shit, this has Casey written all over it.”
Casey:
Yeah. Oh, God.
Jeff:
That was a great one, I have to say.
Casey:
Alan Yu is here for TGS. And I heard a new phrase from him that I hadn’t heard before. I guess maybe I just haven’t been paying attention but he said, “Oh, I’m gonna have to go negotiate the release of some hostages,” right… That’s not the new phrase, right. That was just… He just meant he was gonna go to the bathroom, right?
Jeff:
Yes. I don’t like it.
Casey:
So I said…
Jeff:
You talk to yourself…
Casey:
Back to him, I said, “Oh, are you touching cotton? How bad is it?” Right?
Jeff:
Ugh…
Casey:
’Cos “touching cotton” was a phrase I’d learned from him before about when you’re… You know, you really have to go, right, it’s part of the way out…
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
And he replies to me, “No, no. I’m not crowning. I’m not crowning yet.” That was my favorite phrase…
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
I think I’ve ever heard for such a procedure.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
It’s great. Crowning…
Jeff:
Alan’s water broke. I don’t like it.
Casey:
Oh, my God. He also had another good one. He had… You know when you’re sitting and it’s kind of muggy out or hot out and you get sort of a damp ass…
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
Like, it’s not really wet but it’s just damp. He called that the butt swamp.
Jeff:
Goddamn it. Alright. Stop it. I’m gonna mute you…
Casey:
So there are lots of good phrases. There are lots of good phrases on yesterday’s trip to TGS.
Jeff:
Stop it. I don’t like it at all.
Casey:
Hey, man. I’m just keeping up with the phrases here.
Jeff:
Hey, you know, I got another mailing from The Hard Rock Café, by the way.
Casey:
Oh, sweet. What did they say?
Jeff:
Well, it’s another model search. They have many of these.
Casey:
Still haven’t found those models, huh?
Jeff:
Well, you’re still judging. They have one slightly different… The text on the inside… Again, on the outside, it’s like, “Hey, is it wrong to judge women by their looks alone?”
Casey:
Oh, so the jury’s still out on that?
Jeff:
Right. Well, you still are the judge, it says like it did before.
Casey:
Right. Okay.
Jeff:
But the text inside is a little different. And I thought I’d read it. It’s really short. Okay. This time, it says, “Indulge.”
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
“Indulge in the power of decision. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, or so they say. True beauty surrounds you. You alone decide the fate of these beautiful contestants. Your decision will ring on for eternity. Experience the power so few possess. Indulge in the power of selecting or experience it for the first time. Everything else is the same. So this time, it’s turned into indulgence.
Casey:
Let’s pause for a second here. [inaudible 46:16] eating these grapes. I have something to say about that.
Jeff:
Stop eating your grapes, grape boy.
Casey:
Well, I’m hungry.
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
What do you want from me?
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
Alright, here’s the thing. Under what, at all plausible, timeline for history…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Is the selection of the hot models going to ring on for eternity? That’s gonna be, like, a 5-minute interest thing for anyone anywhere at all, if that. And then, it’s never going to be cared about again.
Jeff:
Maybe the models are like, “Yeah, I was Hard Rock ‘98 July. I was one of the 4 selected,” and it’s on their résumé forever, right? You could see them being really proud of this…
Casey:
But even that’s not eternity. That’s the life of the model, right?
Jeff:
No, maybe…
Casey:
Like, eternity assumes that somewhere in outer space, someone is going to bring up some embedded knowledge device that they have implanted in them or that’s using some kind of brain wave communication telepathy and they mentally browse to the important historical events. And on that timeline, there’s a tick mark that says, “Jeff Roberts selects such and such as The Hard Rock Model 2008,” and they’re like, “Oh, so that’s why the [ Correllians ] conquered the second, you know, piracy in 2050. It’s because this Hard Rock Model was selected by Jeff and she went on to be the vice chancellor of the insect army and…” You know, I mean, how are they getting eternity out of this? I really want to know what they think the butterfly effect is gonna be from this particular selection?
Jeff:
Right. I was gonna say the butterfly effect is very similar to the selection effect at The Hard Rock Café.
Casey:
Okay. This will be the new phrase, right…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It’s The Hard Rock Effect.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right?
Jeff:
Where my selection is going to affect the Nikkei Index. So lots of Japanese businessmen are relying on me to choose an excellent model. That’s all I’m saying.
Casey:
Here’s the thing.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I found a store here whose window, in giant letters, says, “Metal is not dead.”
Jeff:
It isn’t. It will live on forever…
Casey:
That’s what it says.
Jeff:
Much like the selection… Yes. Was it Japanese Metal bands? Metal bands are huge there. They still tour. It’s…
Casey:
I have no idea.
Jeff:
They’re bananas for Metal over there. Not as much as probably the Nordic countries that are still kicking it old school, metal-wise, right? Your DICE friends…
Casey:
That could be. I could ask…
Jeff:
I’m just saying “100% Pure Awesome” could easily be a band name in Denmark, Sweden…
Casey:
There’s no question that that should be a band name. That’s just a great phrase.
Jeff:
Yes. That’s the good action.
Casey:
Especially since it wasn’t 100% pure awesome.
Jeff:
So there was that one other link that we got sent that we can take a brief second to talk about which was the cleric that recently said that the… What do you call the head gear that Muslim women wear that covers their face and only has, like, the little Battlestar Galactica hole for their eyes to stick out? What do you call that?
Casey:
I don’t know. Like a burqa?
Jeff:
Is that a burqa? Or is a burqa…
Casey:
I don’t think so. I think that’s the garment.
Jeff:
Okay. Well, he pointed out that having this small slit that let the two eyes poke out is occasionally too sexy. It’s too much for the men, right?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It drives them to do crazy things.
Casey:
Yep, I’ve been there.
Jeff:
Yeah, me, too. I mean… Yeah. I can’t handle too much, right?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So his suggestion was to go to the one-eyed veil where only one eye would be exposed.
Casey:
Right. I mean, I think that there’s a pretty good rationale for that, obviously, right, which is that with two eyes, you can tell if someone’s winking at you.
Jeff:
Oh, that’s true.
Casey:
But if there’s only one eye exposed, then they could just be blinking.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right? And that’s not sexy. Wink is sexy, blinking, not so sexy.
Jeff:
Blink is just like you’ve got something in your eye, right?
Casey:
Right. Yes. Exactly. But they probably could’ve simplified this process by just saying that people can’t wink, right?
Jeff:
That’s much simpler.
Casey:
That would’ve been more easy because you’re gonna have, basically, Muslim women running into shit all the time, right?
Jeff:
Well, that’s what I was gonna say. Like…
Casey:
’Cos they can’t tell how far away it is.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
So I think this is kind of a slight issue. They’ll probably decide to solve that problem by issuing an edict that says that Muslim women aren’t allowed to run into shit.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But, you know… ‘Cos that seems to be the way that they conduct themselves over there.
Jeff:
Well, no. The thing about it is, though, like, if you just…
Casey:
Incidentally, by the way, the guy you’re talking about… I know the guy you’re talking about. He’s the Secretary Paulsen, right?
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Well, that’s why I website suggesting that it was Henry Paulsen that was issuing these edicts, right, because I mean… That’s kind of the standard government approach to problems is to find the thing that is least likely to fix it but is most related, like, most directly reported by whoever was having the problem with it. And then you go ahead and attack that, right? But I don’t know. I’m not so interested in that because, you know, what are you gonna do, right? I mean, it’s like… It’s fucked up, right? Personally, the thing that I was more interested in there was that apparently, in that society, you got a situation where I guess one guy, even…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Is in charge of what all women in the country wear.
Jeff:
I know. It’s awesome.
Casey:
And he decided that they need to be completely wrapped up except for an eye hole?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Who the fuck is this guy? And how did he ever have the genetics procreate down enough to still exist today? I mean, if any American was selected for that job, right…
Jeff:
Oh, man.
Casey:
There would basically be nude people running around everywhere, right? It’s like, “Oh… Hmmm… That’s interesting. Why are there all these people running around in maid outfits?” It’s like, “Oh, that’s what this week’s edict was.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“Next week is spandex.” It’s like, “Oh, okay. Sounds good.”
Jeff:
That sounds awesome. But the thing is…
Casey:
“It’s 80’s month here at the edict factory.”
Jeff:
Right. Well, you have to get in power…
Casey:
Neon colors are in.
Jeff:
Stop it. You have to become important enough to issue these edicts, though. ‘Cos otherwise, you’re just at the mercy of someone else’s little scheme. You need to rise up in power so you can issue these little decisions, right?
Casey:
Yeah. And what is the vetting process like for that?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I mean, how are they selecting some guy who wants everybody wrapped up so tightly? What the hell do these guys do on the weekend? Jesus Christ.
Jeff:
No, they cut loose. They go crazy, is all I’m saying.
Casey:
I guess.
Jeff:
So you had one… I had another note here that I just read. And you had some crazy story about a salami? This isn’t your salami. This is a salami?
Casey:
The Japanese took my salami, actually.
Jeff:
What?
Casey:
It was not a happy ending to the salami story.
Jeff:
Tell the story and then you can say… “The Japanese Stole My Salami” is also an excellent band name.
Casey:
Yes. They stole… I had 2 salami, actually, that I entered the country with. And they confiscated both salami, much to my chagrin.
Jeff:
But I thought you got it all Japanese safe?
Casey:
No. Apparently, I didn’t have the right USDA inspection sticker for it that I needed. And so, when I talked to quarantine there, they were like, “I’m sorry. We’re gonna have to take the salami.”
Jeff:
Damn it.
Casey:
So…
Jeff:
Do you get the salami on the way out?
Casey:
No, you don’t get to eat. I mean, I could’ve tried to eat it right there, right? But it was for Atman.
Jeff:
I would’ve ate a piece of the salami.
Casey:
Just right in front of them?
Jeff:
Yeah. Just like, “I’m taking it in the country one way or the other, baby.”
Casey:
I should’ve given it to the guard dog.
Jeff:
Yeah, that’s true.
Casey:
They have guard dogs that go around sniffing for drugs and shit. I should’ve been like, “Alright, fine. Here, give it… Come here, Fido. Have some salami.”
Jeff:
That probably would’ve thrown off their sense of smell for the whole day.
Casey:
Oh, they would’ve lost their shit, too, because then it’s not quarantined anymore, right? That dog’s gotta go into quarantine. It can’t leave the airport.
Jeff:
Well, why was it so hard to get? Because you needed that sticker? That’s the thing?
Casey:
What was so hard to get? Oh, to get the salami in the first place?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I talked to everyone in the US government, literally. I talked to branches of the USDA all across the country, AFIS, everyone. Nobody knew how to import a salami into Japan. It was this big fucking mystery, right?
Jeff:
Can’t you, like…
Casey:
I actually went through a phone circle so many times that eventually, I got back to the same person. In a completely different state, mind you. I’d been talking to Colorado and then Nebraska and then back to Washington. I had called so many people and have been forwarded to so many people that I forgot all of the people I’d talked to. And eventually, the person was like, “Hey, I already talked to you today.” And I was like, “Oh, shit. That means we haven’t made any progress, have we?” It was ridiculous. And basically, what it turns out is just [inaudible 55:59] I mean, basically, what could’ve happened is I could’ve gotten it from Salumi, drove it to Olympia (by appointment only), had it inspected there, gotten the other USDA sticker (which I guess is the one I needed) and then maybe they would’ve accepted it in Japan (not necessarily, though).
Jeff:
They’re so eating your salami. As soon as you left, they’re like, “Guys!”
Casey:
Oh, fuck yeah. I know.
Jeff:
“Let’s use this French mustard that we also confiscated from someone else…”
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
“Some cheese from Wisconsin… And they’re having a party.
Casey:
Yep. They’re like, “I can’t wait ‘til the flight from Bordeaux arrives later so we can get some wine and get this party started.”
Jeff:
That’s awesome.
Casey:
They probably have the flight schedule there and they listed all of the foods they’re hoping to get, you know?
Jeff:
Right, exactly. That’s awesome.
Casey:
Like, “We haven’t had cheese in a while,” you know, “Where’s the imported cheese? Let’s see? Hmmm… This looks good. We’ve got a Camembert coming in, probably. A lot of people do that. Ooh, a flight from Maine. Great. Lobster tomorrow. What do you know…”
Jeff:
If you FedEx-ed it, do they open all the packages?
Casey:
Well, I think the lesson that I’ve learned here is that you really just don’t want to talk to them, right? You just don’t. So pack it really securely in something that’s gonna be smell-proof, you know. Get something that dogs won’t find. And then just don’t fucking mention it.
Jeff:
Oh, boy. That sounds like it could go really bad.
Casey:
Yeah, it’s confiscated if they find it. [ I know that, too. ]
Jeff:
Yeah. Well, I mean, you’ve got a smell-proof bag. They’re probably thinking all kinds of bad stuff is in that salami. I don’t know, man. I think that’s cavity search time.
Casey:
Well, don’t make it look smell proof. Don’t have a sticker on it that says, “Smell-proof bag”. “I took a baggie on my ass [inaudible 57:45]”
Jeff:
Stop it. Here’s your sausage, Atman. I had to smuggle it in my ass.
Casey:
Don’t try to shampoo a shampooer.
Jeff:
I think you’ll find this worth it.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
That’s awesome. You had a crazy last day right before you went ‘Cos you ended up spending the whole day getting the salami and then the whole day getting some cash, right?
Casey:
Cash… I had to do… ‘Cos I still haven’t got my ATM… Since all the banks in the world are crashing, I had moved my money, prophylactically, but I hadn’t gotten any [inaudible 58:15] yet. So I had…
Jeff:
Speaking of salami…
Casey:
Yeah. So I got bent over by the fucking currency exchange. They take so much fucking money from you. I hate them.
Jeff:
Why didn’t you just use the ATM? ‘Cos you have no ATM card?
Casey:
I don’t have an ATM card yet. It still hasn’t gotten to me, for whatever reason.
Jeff:
Oh, I got ya.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Now, that’s bad news, then.
Casey:
So basically, what ended up happening is I’ve lost $200 in the financial crisis due to the fact that I don’t have an ATM card, right, ‘cos I had to pay that to the currency exchange to exchange my $2,000 or whatever it was. So my losses are considered…
Jeff:
It was 10%?
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
It was 10%?
Casey:
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Jeff:
Wow.
Casey:
Never ever… Unless for some reason you’re in my situation where you literally don’t have choice, never go to the currency exchange place. You just get fucking… You get your shit pushed in like you would not believe.
Jeff:
Wow. That is not the way it should go.
Casey:
But more importantly… So, I certainly can’t complain because if that’s the only losses I’ve had from the financial crisis, then…
Jeff:
You’re happy about that?
Casey:
I’m certainly sitting much prettier than pretty much the rest of the country, I guess. So I’m a happy camper.
Jeff:
That’s awesome.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Well, I guess what we should do is our listeners have been sending in Good/No Good’s on MP3’s. We’ve gotten a couple, right? So far?
Casey:
By a couple I think you mean one, right?
Jeff:
I don’t know. Like… I didn’t know if they were emailing you.
Casey:
Are you trying to make it sound like you’ve gotten more by saying “a couple”?
Jeff:
No, because they’re supposed to be emailing you. I don’t know how many… We gave out the Casey…
Casey:
Whoa. Are you… What just happened?
Jeff:
I don’t know. You got blurry for a minute but you’re back now. Okay. So we have one, so far. I didn’t know if anybody emailed you directly. So what that means…
Casey:
Nobody emailed me directly. No. ‘Cos you told them they didn’t have to email me directly if it was an MP3 ’cos you just wouldn’t listen to it.
Jeff:
Oh, right. Okay.
Casey:
Did you listen to it?
Jeff:
No. That was to podcast, I think, that email, right?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
That came to both of us. So no… We need our listeners to all come up with some more. Now, if you haven’t done recording and you have a laptop. It’s way easier than you think. Just run SoundRec32. Hit record. Say your name and then your Good/No Good. And we’ll put it on the podcast. Probably next week, we’ll do all those.
Casey:
Okay, cool.
Jeff:
The thousands that we get. And by thousands, I mean 2.
Casey:
Yes. So what you’re hoping we’ll get one more?
Jeff:
Yeah, the 2.
Casey:
The 2 that we get?
Jeff:
We’re gonna get 100% more submissions by next week.
Casey:
Maybe I’ll just do my Good/No Good’s and I’ll pretend that they’re sent in so that like…
Jeff:
“Hello…”
Casey:
“Oh, hi. This is Tina from Santa Monica…” Oh, my voice is so gone. This is what karaoke will do.
Jeff:
You did karaoke? That’s why your voice is all… You sounded a little bit Jamba Juiced.
Casey:
No, it’s just karaoke.
Jeff:
Oh, I see.
Casey:
No. Here, when I get fruit juice, it doesn’t kill me. That’s another bonus in Japan.
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
Also, it’s made from actual fruit, which is another thing that doesn’t happen in the US.
Jeff:
Stop it. Stop it. Okay, well, this is our first Skype-cast. We’re gonna have to do a whole bunch of post to make this sound as good as possible. It may sound weird. Stop making faces. I can mute you and then you’ll have no action. How come you can’t pinch your face?
Casey:
That’s a really weird statement. Anyone who doesn’t have context is gonna be really confused about what you just said.
Jeff:
No, because of… You know, in Photobooth, you can make all those crazy digital effects.
Casey:
Yeah, you’re talking about Photobooth… I’m telling you. If you use iChat or whatever their fucking… The Mac one is… You can. I think those exist in iChat. It’s just Skype is not Photobooth. Skype is not an Apple product.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
It’s Ebay.
Jeff:
Alright. Then, we need to try that ‘cos I… Remember when you would put scary pictures of your pinched face on my desktop?
Casey:
Yeah, I love doing that. I’m gonna do that to your iPhone, too, when I see you next.
Jeff:
No. Stop it.
Casey:
Oh, you know what happened on my iPhone? This was the one good thing about the iPhone that happened was when I went to sync it up with iTunes, right… You know, like I booted to the Macintosh so that I could use the iTunes, ‘cos as I already told you, you can’t fucking do anything with this iPhone without that… So it synced my contacts. Now, I don’t have any contacts on the Mac (or at least I didn’t think I did). So I was syncing contacts. And then I looked at the contacts folder on the iPod and I’m like, “What is this?” It just showed Casey Apple Sucks. That was the name of the contact. It was Casey Apple Sucks. So click on Casey Apple Sucks and it’s got a picture here of me making this ridiculous face, like exactly what I was just doing to you on the camera, right. And it says Casey Apple Sucks. The phone number is 555-867-5309…
Jeff:
Okay. Of course, yeah.
Casey:
Which is the number from that song, right, “867-5309,” right? It says the address is “Steve Jobs Distended Anus Boulevard, Fuck Jobs California 90210 United States”. That is what it says on here.
Jeff:
Well, when you had your stupid Macintosh on the network here, every time you browse the machine, it would…
Casey:
Well, I’m trying to remember what the fuck happened. I guess this must’ve been ‘cos they force you to register your Mac when you install it so I must’ve typed that shit in. Is that what happened, I guess?
Jeff:
Yes, you always type that in. Remember when you had that machine that every time you browse the machines here at RAD, it would come up and go, “Steve Jobs Anus”.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And for some reason, it’s sorted at the top even though it had some, like… Maybe Apple Talk servers were sorted at the top so anybody… Anyone who connected to the network saw “Steve Jobs Anus” right there at the top.
Casey:
Well, the better part about it that I realized, which is why I think I probably must’ve typed it into this Macintosh, as well, when I originally had to register it or whatever was because then, all of their shit inserts the machine name into it. So there’s all these things like “Logout” becomes “Logout Steve Jobs Anus”.
Jeff:
No. Stop it.
Casey:
Which is hilarious, right? There’s all these phrases that it ends up making, right? “Sleep Steve Jobs Anus”, you know?
Jeff:
Stop it. I don’t like it.
Casey:
“Restart Steve Jobs Anus”.
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
I mean, it gets better and better and better.
Jeff:
“Shut down Steve Jobs Anus”.
Casey:
I mean, I didn’t expect to have that much fun with it when I originally did it. But it was great. And so, from now on, I always name Macintosh’s Steve Jobs Anus or some combination thereof, if I have multiple Macintoshes on network. I just pick different Jobs anus names for them.
Jeff:
And then, 2 years later, you got amused by your own self…
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
Past Casey is amusing future Casey…
Casey:
It’s like sending myself a joke in the future.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It’s great.
Jeff:
No, it’s not great.
Casey:
It was pretty awesome.
Jeff:
Alright, everybody. We are over the time already. So I am going to post this. And hopefully, it doesn’t sound too crazy. And Casey’s gonna put up a whole bunch of Japanese pictures. So come to the forum and check them out.
Casey:
Oh, okay. Yeah. I’ll post the think up to those. Yeah.
Jeff:
Yeah, yeah. Put some on there. And again, send us some Good/No Good’s. Very easy. Don’t be afraid. If you have a laptop, it has a microphone built in, usually. So all you have to do is hit record. And it takes 5 seconds. And send it to us.
Casey:
Or… That’s right. If you have an iPhone, record it on the… Oh, wait, it can’t record music. I forgot. So I guess you’re fucked if you have one of those.
Jeff:
Yes, it can, too. It’s 99 cents. Ugh…
Casey:
Oh, good. So then, just go ahead and buy an application that comes with all other phones and be happy about it just like Jeff is.
Jeff:
Yep. And you’ll be smiling ‘cos it’ll be awesome because the iPhone is awesome. Alright, everybody. We will see you next week. And hopefully, you can hear this whole podcast.
Casey:
I hope very much that that is true, as well. And send us an email at Podcast@JeffAndCaseyShow.com.
Jeff:
Hey, you said it right the first time. That was awesome.
Casey:
Yeah, I’m pretty good at it now.
Jeff:
You’re a professional.
Casey:
And I’m going to go and get some more pictures for the Japanese page.
Jeff:
Yes, that’s right. Go continue your adventure.
Casey:
I will.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Take it easy, everyone.
Jeff:
Thanks, everybody.
Casey:
Okay. 20… I just love it that you can’t handle it. It’s like… Right now… Now, you’re lost. [inaudible 67:26] come back
Jeff:
Okay. Say it again.
Casey:
Right. Okay. 100% pure awesome.
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casey muratori
the jeff and casey show - season 1 - episode 35
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