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The Technician
No Imperfections Noted
The Jeff and Casey Show
Jeff and Casey Time
Casey Muratori
Seattle, WA
The Brownest Snowflake
"That's like your parasites having parasites on them."
Original air date: September 2nd, 2008
Topics. Neutral state lottery. No torrents here. Rabbit-proof fences. Brits in Bulgaria. Tired Casey. All actors are Australian. Windows in space. Everything’s cool. Porn purchases. Steamed Audiosurf. X-Files sex addict. Suck fractals. Screech vs. Doogie. The basis functions of suck. Tranny Showgirls. Nazi raccoons. Creepy housewives.
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Transcript
Jeff:
Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Jeff & Casey Show.
Casey:
Good afternoon, and welcome to the Jeff & Casey Show.
Jeff:
You are so tired.
Casey:
Being recorded on a Monday in the afternoon which is extraordinarily rare for the Jeff & Casey Show.
Jeff:
Monday afternoon podcast, a daycast, if you will…
Casey:
This may be a once in a lifetime experience.
Jeff:
Casey is so tired after PAX…
Casey:
I’m very tired.
Jeff:
That you’re talking…
Casey:
And I haven’t a voice, anyway, so…
Jeff:
Yes, and you have no voice…
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
So you should be talking quietly but yes…
Casey:
On the plus side, I could read…
Jeff:
We still podcast for you, the listener.
Casey:
I could read, like, a book. I could be like one of those radio readers who reads… You know, incredibly emphatically…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Reads…
Jeff:
The news?
Casey:
The novels… No, not the news…
Jeff:
The BBC announcer?
Casey:
I mean, you know when they have those radio readings? They used to have this show on NPR. It was called, like, Dick Cosell Radio Reader or something like that… You know what I’m talking about?
Jeff:
No. I have no idea.
Casey:
It was this show on NPR and I think it was not a… I don’t think it was a nation-wide show. God, I hope it wasn’t a nation-wide show. But it was this guy who said everything in exactly the same tone of voice. There was no change whatsoever. And he would read various literature classics and so on.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
That was show, right, every week, he would read…
Jeff:
“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”
Casey:
Yeah. No, it was exactly like that. So if it was something incredibly mundane like, “The corn harvest will be late this year just like last year,” you know, something like that, then he’d be reading like that. But also, he was like, “He ripped the moist cloth from her bodice and the passion could not be contained.”
Jeff:
“The Hindenberg crashed down.”
Casey:
That’s it. Exactly, yeah, there was no difference. It didn’t matter…
Jeff:
“People fell everywhere.”
Casey:
Yeah. It didn’t matter at all…
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
What the passage was. He just read it that way. So that’s kind of what this is gonna be like because I haven’t the emotional range right now for that.
Jeff:
My guess is that once we get something that you’re upset about…
Casey:
I don’t know if that’s the case. I may have just been put in a zen-like state for a while…
Jeff:
I see. Alright.
Casey:
And that’s just the way it is, right?
Jeff:
Groovy, man…
Casey:
So maybe there’ll be something like we’ll be talking about something incredibly awesome like how awesome Microsoft is and everything if they do. And I’ll just be like, “Hey, man, everyone has their own thing they’re doing.”
Jeff:
That’s how you roll.
Casey:
“It’s fine.” Yeah.
Jeff:
Everything’s fine.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Well, we have…
Casey:
But, like, my attempt to install the Audiosurf demo on Steam this morning…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It just took, like, 30 minutes.
Jeff:
I heard about this.
Casey:
Yeah. I’m just like, “Hey, man, you know, sometimes some things are harder to install than others.”
Jeff:
Yeah, some things just have to go the way they go.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It’s the way it was meant to be.
Casey:
Exactly.
Jeff:
That 30-minute install for a 5-minute demo…
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
Now, this wasn’t an Audiosurf problem. This was… The Steam…
Casey:
No, no. It was… As far as I can tell, the programming quality in Audiosurf was…
Jeff:
Excellent?
Casey:
Top notch… There were no bugs in that program. It ran A-Okay on my system. No worries. It read my music collection. I picked a song and…
Jeff:
[ It wrote the music? ]
Casey:
Wrote the music… No worries. Actually getting to the point where Dylan’s code could run…
Jeff:
Songs could be read…
Casey:
That was a different story altogether.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
There was about 20 minutes of getting Valve in there somewhere and… It was really painful. I sent them mail and I was like, “Dude, this is really bad.” It’s really, really bad. The number of dialogue boxes I went through and the…
Jeff:
And they weren’t just dialogue boxes. There’s just crazy stuff that didn’t make sense.
Casey:
Stuff that were popping up… No idea… Well, it updated itself. It updated applications that I don’t even run. It popped up all these message boxes and then it started downloading other things…
Jeff:
Downloading Service Pack 3?
Casey:
Instead of the ones that I was trying to get… Well, no…
Jeff:
It’s just a matter of time.
Casey:
That’s just a matter of time. And then it was, like, showing me all this other crap, right. It keeps coming up with webpages and I don’t know what that is and I don’t want that. So it’s just like, one of those things where the user experience is… You know, either no one’s ever done that… No one’s ever launched Steam to install a demo, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Like, they always have it running or something which is, I guess, maybe part of it. Or it’s just there isn’t very much attention being paid there to what kind of experience someone has, what the user wanted to do versus what you actually had to do, you know.
Jeff:
Right. It’s easy to forget that, I think, when you have a system that is open-ended that can be added on to…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Because there’s lots of people making little decisions along the way that then can culminate. I mean, I think that’s why Windows Update is so screwed up is there’s so many different people… Like, I couldn’t install Service Pack 3 this weekend at all. It just would fail silently.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And it said, “Here, click…” It has a little explanation. And you click here and it says, “Service Pack 3 could not be installed.”
Casey:
Right, like, that isn’t really more information than I had to begin with.
Jeff:
Right, exactly. I kind of knew that happened. So then I downloaded it, ran the install locally. And it said, “Oh, I can’t install this Service Pack over these hot fixes.” So I had to go uninstall the hot fixes to install Service Pack 3. And then, the other thing is the hot fixes aren’t by default listed, right. And the reason why… I couldn’t… I’m like, “How can I uninstall this? I don’t know how to do just one?” Finally, I noticed there’s a little checkbox in that window where it says, “Show Updates”. You hit Show Updates and you know how the scroll bar sizes to how many things are in the window? That thing got… Under this little sliver…
Casey:
Like, you can’t make it any more…
Jeff:
There were so many updates. All I knew it was this, like… It ended in 887. I had to page down one at a time and look through these 8-digit hexadecimal number. You know, they weren’t hex. They were just big numbers. Looking through, I finally found 887, undid it, and then it installed. But yeah, couldn’t tell me… And again, I bet the people that did that just never ran through, looking at everybody’s combined decisions together to see how the experience sets out.
Casey:
Well, yeah. I mean, to some degree but there’s kind of a lot of different things that are kind of coming together there, right? I mean, no one can make the argument that people don’t know what the user is trying to do when they run Windows Update because there’s only one thing you can try to do which is update your machine, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s not like, “Oh, you must’ve been using Windows Update in a different way than…” It’s like, “No. There’s just a bunch of Windows machines that are all trying to stay up-to-date with the same code.” That’s all that’s happening, right. So it’s a little different from, like, “Oh, you know, you could make the excuse for Steam that’s like, “People don’t run it this way.” It’s like, there’s no other way to run Windows Update. You’re exactly the same as everyone else. It’s just Microsoft is incompetent. I mean, they’re unable… Their method for patching problems in their operating system itself has problems. I don’t know how you end up in a situation like that, right? That’s like your parasites having parasites on them, right. It’s like the strange thing of nature that’s happened where it’s…
Jeff:
You’ve proven the G_del’s Incompleteness Theorem…
Casey:
It’s a fractal… It’s like a suck-fractal, right? No matter how closely…
Jeff:
What [inaudible 7:23]
Casey:
Yeah, exactly…
Jeff:
The suck still shows up…
Casey:
No matter how closely I look at how badly you suck, I find a way in which you’re sucking in the small there, right? And then if I look at that sucking and why that occurred, it turns out there’s, like, this whole series of sucks that mirrors the larger sucking, right. And where does it end? I mean, I don’t know. I imagine that if we went ahead and looked at the code, right, itself, it’d be like lots of little sucks that are the same way. It’s like they built the code the same way they built the app which they built the…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It’s like everything was done in a way that sucked. And now, it’s kind of almost like this beautiful snowflake that’s brown, you know what I mean?
Jeff:
Trickle Down Theory of Suckitude…
Casey:
The brown snowflake. That should be one… You know how Microsoft always publishes these books which is laughable because their books are about things that Microsoft itself can’t do, right, like code complete or whatever, you know. And then it’s like, that should be the next one, “The Brown Snowflake: How to Suck Uniformly Throughout All Levels of the Development Process”.
Jeff:
“[inaudible 8:29] Sucking for Beginners”
Casey:
Yes, exactly. What are the basis… “We’ve identified the basis functions of suck, right, and we have them all starting with a strong HR department and working on down from there, we’ve managed to do them all, right. Lots of layers of management, that’s always a plus, right?”
Jeff:
No, that’s awesome.
Casey:
“Designed by a community, you got that under control,” you know…
Jeff:
With these 10 steps….
Casey:
“Having a retarded the interview process — We’re on it…” Like, they’ve got everything.
Jeff:
These 10 steps…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
We’re gonna have it all.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Well, we had some amazing user mail this week. We’re now getting more animal links from our users than…
Casey:
Than you or me, yes.
Jeff:
I’m managing to hang in there…
Casey:
Ryan Ellis alone has managed to completely replace you as the authority on animal videos.
Jeff:
I know. Yep.
Casey:
You are no longer the go-to guy. He is the go-to guy.
Jeff:
And now, you are getting it from both me and him. So you’re like, “Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Did you even look at the videos of the cows?”
Casey:
It crossed the line this weekend. I archived all incoming mail from YouTube that was just a link…
Jeff:
Damn it.
Casey:
Like, if it didn’t have text in the body, it just got achieved. I didn’t even click on it.
Jeff:
Damn it.
Casey:
Now, maybe if you’re lucky, I will, after a while…
Jeff:
Go back?
Casey:
That effect will wear off or something… But for now, you guys are on instant archive. And the problem is that even though I instantly archive it, it keeps coming back because then, you know…
Jeff:
I reply?
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. You’re like, “Dude, that was wicked.” And then Ryan’s like, “Awesome hippopotamus, dude.” You know, and it’s like… So now, it’s basically, you and Ryan…
Jeff:
You are screwed.
Casey:
On a private chat about how awesome animals are and I’m always on the CC line, right.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
That’s what it’s turned into.
Jeff:
Yep, you could never leave.
Casey:
There’s a famous play, right, by Sartre called “No Exit” and it’s basically about…
Jeff:
About this?
Casey:
It’s about hell, right, it’s about when you die, if you go to hell, how you’re punished. And it was kind of a different take on it. And this is what happened, the book, okay…
Jeff:
Oh, okay.
Casey:
What happens in the book is hell is… They pick the 2 other people who are destined to create your worst nightmare…
Jeff:
Oh, I see.
Casey:
And you just live in a very pleasant room…
Jeff:
Oh, okay.
Casey:
In a pleasant place with them.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Right? And this is what has happened, right. It’s like they’ve created… It’s my own little No Exit hell complete with dialogue…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Between the 2 of you.
Jeff:
That’s awesome.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Well, let’s talk about the Nazi raccoons and… Do you remember…. Did you go to this one? This is one of the ones before I got…
Casey:
I clicked… This was before…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
This was before the weekend. It came in on a Thursday or something or a Wednesday.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
And I clicked on it. I saw the link come in.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
I knew it was no good. I clicked on the link and I saw an obviously Photoshopped image of a raccoon giving the “Heil Hitler” with a Nazi arm band…
Jeff:
Of course.
Casey:
And I clicked the close button.
Jeff:
That was it?
Casey:
So I have no idea what this article was about but I do know that it’s nothing that I need to read, right?
Jeff:
Well…
Casey:
And I also know that it’s surely one of you and Ryan’s favorite links from the past month…
Jeff:
Well… Yeah.
Casey:
I know that that’s gotta be true, right?
Jeff:
Well, this was, I think, from The Sun who take real things and then put some crazy spin on it.
Casey:
What does that mean? They’re like a humor newspaper, you mean, or…
Jeff:
No, it’s just like a National Enquirer, right, so they just take crazy stuff and then…
Casey:
Okay, so now you’re sending animal links that aren’t even true.
Jeff:
Well, this is… So here’s the truth in it.
Casey:
Wait, why did I just say that?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Like, when have you ever sent me animal links that are true? Half of them are false anyway.
Jeff:
No, they’re all true. No. They’re all true.
Casey:
The 500-pound squirrel.
Jeff:
All true. Stop it.
Casey:
You went back up to 500 pounds.
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
He was 400 pounds for a while and now he’s a 500-pound squirrel.
Jeff:
I know. He fell off the wagon.
Casey:
Somebody needs to send in a link of a 500-pound squirrel.
Jeff:
And then you’re totally doomed.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
No…
Casey:
Like the rabbit…
Jeff:
Yeah, the rabbit…
Casey:
It was a huge rabbit.
Jeff:
And you were so ready to, like, dismiss that giant rabbit as ridiculous…
Casey:
As a hoax but it turns out those are actually real rabbits.
Jeff:
Yeah, they’re actually that big.
Casey:
I would absolutely want a 20-pound rabbit. I think that’s a great idea.
Jeff:
Just hopping around?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
The rabbit humps you…
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. The rabbit humps you. I actually like rabbits. I don’t want it to hump me but I like them. They’re cool.
Jeff:
Rabbits are not good pets. We have had rabbits before.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
They chew everything.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And I think I told you the story about when they chewed through the electrical cord.
Casey:
Well, how about you don’t keep the rabbit around the electrical cord for starters?
Jeff:
Uh-huh…
Casey:
Put them in a cage.
Jeff:
Well, they were in a cage. They ate through the cage. Rabbits…
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
Right through. Metal cage.
Casey:
That’s not a very good rabbit cage, then.
Jeff:
Dude, I don’t know what you put these things in.
Casey:
Everyone knows that since rabbits can control metal with their mind, you have to put them in a plastic cage.
Jeff:
That’s right. Exactly. That’s exactly right. These are little Magneto rabbits.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And then a bald rabbit in a wheelchair comes and visits him occasionally.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
No, the point was Germany, during the Nazi period of time…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
There was some German scientist who introduced raccoons from America into Europe. And there was some plan for this. And I don’t remember what the plan was. But of course, they just immediately… Like, every single time you introduce a foreign specie into a new place, you get fucked. It’s like, I don’t even know why they try, right?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Like, Australia is where they… Oh, they get rabbits in Australia, speaking of rabbits out of control.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
They couldn’t be contained.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
They introduced rabbits. They grew out of control. Then, like, what… Do you still have the article up? ‘Cos we were laughing about this before the podcast where they introduced viruses, like, custom-engineered viruses to kill the rabbits… Then fleas, then foxes, then flees, then more viruses…
Casey:
I do not have that article up about… You mean when I was researching the rabbit thing?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Well, I mean, basically they were of the, like, “Let’s fight fire with fire,” kind of attitude…
Jeff:
’Cos it worked well.
Casey:
Right. So they were like, “We’ve introduced something that’s run rampant. So clearly, the best solution is to introduce something that will kill that thing by also running rampant,” right?
Jeff:
Sounds like a plan.
Casey:
Right. Yeah. And you know, much to the chagrin of the Cadbury Corporation, right, rabbits now are a huge problem. And they’ve got to figure out some way to get rid of them. So they were like, “Well, 1st, we’re gonna try and introduce this virus,” right, that will kill…
Jeff:
And this is early on. I mean, this was…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
It’s kind of surprising…
Casey:
In [ the 1940’s ] or something like that.
Jeff:
Yeah, yeah…
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
No, earlier.
Casey:
Yeah, 1840’s or 1850’s… I don’t know when the virus was, though.
Jeff:
That was the 1st stage.
Casey:
The rabbits were, like, 1850’s or 1860’s, right or something like that?
Jeff:
Yeah. It was 1920, if I remember right.
Casey:
The virus?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Yeah, that sounds good. Let’s go with that.
Jeff:
Let’s go with that. I mean we’re never right, anyway.
Casey:
Yeah, we’re never right.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Some period in history, they introduced this virus. And the problem, of course, is that there’s so many rabbits that I don’t know why they even bothered.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I mean, we know what happens. Even if you introduce the best thing ever like the Black Plague or something like that. It doesn’t kill all the humans. It only kills, like, some percentage of the humans and some are immune.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And then those people breed…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Keep breeding… And then, you’re right back to where you were with no Black Plague.
Jeff:
Right. Except for rabbits breed so fast…
Casey:
Right. And the thing is there’s already…
Jeff:
There could be 2 left…
Casey:
You could have done this… You could have killed them, probably if you introduced it back before they were a problem. But now there’s so many rabbits, you’re probably guaranteed to have enough mutation, right…
Jeff:
That one or two…
Casey:
That you’re gonna have some group of them somewhere that’s not gonna die from this virus. And that’s exactly what happened. They introduced it and then some amount of time and then it went away. They tried a couple times to introduce fleas that would transmit it more readily. That didn’t work because it was too hot.
Jeff:
The fleas died?
Casey:
The fleas died. It’s like… Well, that’s the thing is any time you introduce a specie somewhere, I think your chances of introducing it at a neutral steady state are, like, so infinitesimally slim.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Like, either the conditions are too favorable and nothing has adapted around it yet so it just grows out of control…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Or it’s like, not a good environment for it and it just dies out. It’s like, your chances of hitting that right in the middle where it’s so nice and stable that you just get a small population of them that survive… Like, that doesn’t seem like a very likely outcome, you know what I mean?
Jeff:
Yep. That is true.
Casey:
So it seems to me that you’re destined for one of those two things. Sometimes you get the rabbit, sometimes you get the fleas, you know…
Jeff:
Sometimes you get the rabbit, sometimes the rabbit gets you.
Casey:
Yeah. So they tried to introduce other viruses, right.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
They built what they call “rabbit walls”…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Which are literally 2,000 kilometer walls…
Jeff:
Across Australia…
Casey:
Across Australia… Well, not 2,000… Like, 1,800…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
The biggest one was… And these walls, they would build them and apparently, like, as they were finishing the wall, they would notice that there were already some rabbits on the other side.
Jeff:
Yeah. Like, “Oh, fuck.”
Casey:
Right. It’s like, some dude is nailing in the last nail of the wall…
Jeff:
“Whew, that was a lot of work.”
Casey:
He turns around… Like, “Thank God we kept the rabbits out,” like… I’m almost picturing he was planking it up and there were rabbit heads, like, kind of bursting through and he was shoving them back…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Like a zombie movie…
Jeff:
Like a zombie movie, right.
Casey:
And he turns around and there’s a rabbit there, looking up at him.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
He’s like, “Nooo…”
Jeff:
And it’s like this crazy scary music…
Casey:
Yeah. And then instead of it attacking him, it just hops off, right, ‘cos that’s the bad thing.
Jeff:
No, it does a “Heil, Hitler”.
Casey:
These are not… It’s not a raccoons. These rabbits were from Britain, I think.
Jeff:
So they also introduced foxes….
Casey:
Yeah, the same thing happened with the foxes.
Jeff:
That wasn’t controlled?
Casey:
Yep. Same thing with the foxes.
Jeff:
And the awesome thing about the foxes is they introduced them for sport. And then the foxes went, “Fuck, there’s a lot of rabbits here,” started eating the rabbits…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And then they exploded.
Casey:
Right. So in theory, at least according to the information that we’re reading on the web…
Jeff:
Right, which is always true…
Casey:
The foxes would not have necessarily been a rampant species if they hadn’t already had the rabbits gone rampant. So like, if they introduced the foxes first, it would’ve been fine.
Jeff:
Do you think the aborigines are just like, “These White people are the dumbest motherfuckers.”
Casey:
Right. Yeah.
Jeff:
You know, and here’s…
Casey:
No, but it’s an order problem. That’s the thing, right. Let’s say you’d introduced the foxes first…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You’d have a small number of foxes because there wouldn’t be enough thing for them to eat. So problem solved there. Then you introduce the rabbits. Rabbits can’t breed out of control because there’s already a fox population to keep them suppressed, right?
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Instead, you introduced the rabbits before you had their predator.
Jeff:
And that’s no good.
Casey:
They went nuts. Then you introduced the predator. They’re like, “Holy shit.” It’s like a fucking old country buffet, right, a lupine buffet here. They go nuts. And now, you just have a rabbit-fox population that’s self-sustaining. It’s like, “You could not have done this worse.”
Jeff:
Well, no, the thing…
Casey:
If you basically showed up in a bunch of [inaudible 20:07] with 50 pounds of rabbit fertilizer, you could not have done worse. It was the worst possible thing.
Jeff:
The thing that’s awesome about this is they’re fucking around with all this in Australia, right?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Dude, everything in Australia is big, fucked up genetically, and poisonous.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
It’s like, “Let’s introduce new species.” 5,000 years from now, those rabbits are gonna be 500 pounds.
Casey:
Right. Yeah.
Jeff:
And they’re gonna eat people. And they’re gonna be poisonous little spurs.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
They’ll be dangerous motherfuckin’… And it’ll be, like, “The world’s most lethal rabbit is in Australia.”
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And you’re like, “What? Lethal rabbit?” And it’s like, yeah, good job, humans.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It’s just amazing. Don’t put anything in Australia at all. Anything. Just no more experiments.
Casey:
But that was the idea of Australia. See, the problem was we were trying to leave Australia alone, right. That’s where they sent criminals and stuff.
Jeff:
Uh-huh.
Casey:
It was supposed to be a penal colony so who gives a fuck if the rabbits are out of control. The problem is people started living there…
Jeff:
And see, now 200 years later…
Casey:
And now, it’s not for criminals. It’s for regular people.
Jeff:
No, no. They’ve all just evolved, see? We send all these criminals down there 300 years ago. And all that comes back now is actors. We just get tons and tons of actors.
Casey:
That’s not true at all.
Jeff:
No, it’s totally true.
Casey:
We get, like, Rupert Murdoch.
Jeff:
No, we get…
Casey:
Right?
Jeff:
No, we get your boy, Heath Ledger.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
We get Russell Crowe. We get…
Casey:
Russell Crowe’s Australian?
Jeff:
Of course.
Casey:
Oh, I thought he was Canadian.
Jeff:
He wouldn’t be so angry if he was Canadian.
Casey:
I’ve never heard him speak. Does he have an accent?
Jeff:
Yes, a very strong accent. That’s who they were making fun of in “Tropic Thunder”, is Russell Crowe.
Casey:
Oh, really?
Jeff:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Casey:
You mean Robert Downey, Jr.’s character?
Jeff:
Exactly, yeah. That’s who they’re kind of doing there. No, like, tons and tons and tons of actors that you wouldn’t think are Australian. They’ve taken over Hollywood.
Casey:
I knew Heath Ledger was Australian but I didn’t know that Russell Crowe was, largely because I just don’t give a shit about Russell Crowe because he always seems to be in movies that I don’t want to watch.
Jeff:
I see. Yeah. I think he’s terrific. I think he’s the best there is…
Casey:
Like “Gladiator” or whatever.
Jeff:
But…
Casey:
See, I already know that’s not true because I have watched enough movies with Russell Crowe where he always sounds exactly like Russell Crowe to me. I’ve never thought he sounded like anything other than Russell Crowe. Like, “Gladiator” Russell Crowe was exactly the same as “The Insider” Russell Crowe. They were identical to me. Like, they were immediately Russell Crowe.
Jeff:
That’s a great example of a complete physical transformation and the voice is different, everything…
Casey:
No, it’s not at all.
Jeff:
No, he does a Southern voice in “The Insider”. I think you’re forgetting.
Casey:
He sounds… He acts and sounds the same in those 2 movies to me. Identically. Like, I cannot even remotely…
Jeff:
You need to see them back to back because you’re insane at this point.
Casey:
I’m not insane.
Jeff:
You are totally insane.
Casey:
I’m not insane at all.
Jeff:
You are totally insane, my friend. Let’s go on to our next user link, alright? And this was the awesomeness that happened in… I believe this was Bulgaria. This is also a Ryan Ellis, right?
Casey:
I have no idea because I am not looking at your guy’s links anymore.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
You know…
Jeff:
This was a British family that went on vacation…
Casey:
How much mail traffic… Let’s just stop for a second here.
Jeff:
No. Let’s not.
Casey:
Why are we wasting so much mental energy on these fucking links?
Jeff:
’Cos they’re awesome?
Casey:
No, they’re not awesome.
Jeff:
Okay, like…
Casey:
I would just, like…
Jeff:
Save your awesome/not awesome and I’ll tell you the story and then you can tell me “not awesome”.
Casey:
It’s not awesome. None of these things are awesome. I am sick and tired of these links. I’m tired.
Jeff:
You’re just tired. Period.
Casey:
I’m tired of it. I want them to go away.
Jeff:
You’re just tired.
Casey:
I want to stop getting these fucking links. Please stop sending me these links.
Jeff:
Everyone, send us your links at Podcast@JeffAndCaseyShow.com…
Casey:
Such an ass… Can we at least have some rule that I can filter on like if there’s a [animal]. Can I have, like, a Canned Spam Act for Animal Links…
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Or something… Or can we at least ask YouTube to file all animal videos under some directory that’s recognizable in the links so I know whether or not the thing I’m getting is gonna be like, “Oh, cool, it’s a macaw that’s learned how to file its nails with a regular nail file,” or something. It’s like, “Okay, great.”
Jeff:
You know what, I’m just gonna say something…
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
You sent me an animal link from YouTube this week.
Casey:
What was it?
Jeff:
It was that massage… That cat massaging the other cat…
Casey:
Yeah, ‘cos that was awesome.
Jeff:
So I’m just saying you’re out of control.
Casey:
But that was an awesome link that Yukari sent with the cats from Japan. They were Japanese cats. And one cat was massaging the other cat.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
It was awesome.
Jeff:
Yep. I’m just saying you’ve lost all credibility.
Casey:
But that’s an awesome cat video. You don’t ever send me cat videos.
Jeff:
I know.
Casey:
I like cats. You send me videos of all these animals I don’t care about like raccoons. I don’t want to see that.
Jeff:
No…
Casey:
I don’t want to see monkeys. I don’t like monkeys. I don’t like raccoons. I don’t like these animals, Jeff.
Jeff:
Hey, wait. Here’s a link that’s not one that was passed around. You saw this, this David Duchovny thing.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Where we were talking just last week about the skeezy guy from “Hogan’s Heroes”…
Casey:
Yeah, being a sex addict?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And so David Duchovny…
Casey:
And also, similarly, we were talking about the husband there… Christie Brinkley’s husband and the porn problem…
Jeff:
Oh, he thought he was a porn addict, too?
Casey:
Well, we don’t know if he’s a porn addict but he has a $3,000-a month habit. I’d say a pretty [inaudible 25:38]
Jeff:
Oh, I see.
Casey:
Right?
Jeff:
That could just be poor purchase…
Casey:
Right. “We haven’t really determined whether it was just a poor purchases problem…”
Jeff:
Yeah, whether it’s just like, “Dude, you know this shit’s free.” “What?”
Casey:
I think it was probably something more like he just kept clicking on the link wrong or something. He hit the refresh button a few times too many…
Jeff:
“Please wait…”
Casey:
It’s like, “Do not press the browser’s back button or your credit card may be charged multiple times.”
Jeff:
And he just kept hitting back.
Casey:
And he’s just fucking freaking out, he couldn’t get it to work. So he’s going backwards & forwarwith, backwards & forward. It turns out, like, all he did was buy this one screen sex video and it just ended up showing on his credit card, like, 150 times.
Jeff:
Yeah. That could be totally… That would make more sense.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
In any case…
Casey:
I want to ask about that, actually. You know this thing where, like, Screech and Neil Patrick Harris somehow… Like, they’re just… What’s the deal? Like, I don’t understand.
Jeff:
What?
Casey:
Like, there are so many completely inconsequential child actors who you never hear of again ever, right?
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
But Screech and Neil Patrick Harris…
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Who you actually still technically haven’t heard from… Like, they have not had a role in anything, right?
Jeff:
Neil Patrick Harris is in “Harold & Kumar”…
Casey:
This is what I’m saying.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
They keep coming back as themselves.
Jeff:
Oh, I see.
Casey:
Right? It’s like, somehow, even though they’ve never managed to land another acting job, right…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
They keep coming back as, like, their own self in things…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Because they suck.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s because Neil Patrick Harris has never gotten another job that he was in “Harold & Kumar”. You see what I mean?
Jeff:
I don’t think it’s that, personally.
Casey:
So what’s happening there?
Jeff:
I think they’re probably… I mean, Screech maybe, I don’t know… I think they’re probably okay…
Casey:
What do you mean okay?
Jeff:
I think they’re like, hey, as employable as any other actor in Hollywood. I think when you’re…
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
Wait, let me finish. When you’re so…
Casey:
The guy’s name is Screech.
Jeff:
Screech and Dougie, it was what you identified the show with…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It’s hard to see… Like, I still… Even though Neil Patrick Harris is actually in a top 10 show right now…
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
Yeah, he’s in “How I Met Your Mother” and that’s a highly-rated show right now.
Casey:
That sounds like something I have on a t-shirt…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Like, when I’m trying to be rude.
Jeff:
Yeah, it is catchy.
Casey:
Right, like those t-shirts that say, “Your mother is a classy lady”?
Jeff:
Uh-huh.
Casey:
You know the ones I’m talking about? There’s a show called “How I Met Your Mother”?
Jeff:
Yeah, it is a show called that. And it’s popular…
Casey:
How did they get away with that?
Jeff:
I don’t know.
Casey:
Don’t say “How I Met Your Mother”. And she was wasted at the time.
Jeff:
I met her last night.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Anyway, I think it’s just…
Casey:
I had no idea, by the way, that Neil Patrick Harris was in a show again.
Jeff:
Yeah. Well, it’s funny because he plays…
Casey:
That’s his first acting job in, like, 2 decades or something, right?
Jeff:
No, apparently not. I mean, he was also in “Starship Troopers”. I just think it’s hard for me not to see him as Dougie Howser. He’s Dougie Howser. He always will be. And so, I think that definitely has an impact. I mean, in the Kumar thing, they make fun of that plenty of times where they call him Dougie and such…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Just because it’s hard to imagine… Screech is even more fucked up. Like…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
He can’t ever not be Screech, right?
Casey:
Well, see, the interesting thing about that is I did… I mean, I don’t think I watched “Saved by the Bell” religiously but I had seen it a number of times…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I cannot, in any way, remember what Screech was.
Jeff:
Really?
Casey:
I just remember him ‘cos his name was Screech.
Jeff:
Oh, I see.
Casey:
But like, I can remember the, like, token Hispanic guy, whatever his name is… Slater, I think…
Jeff:
Mario Lopez?
Casey:
Yeah, I remember him.
Jeff:
He made it out.
Casey:
And I vaguely remember the main character, Zac, or something, I think.
Jeff:
What about the chick that was in “Showgirls”?
Casey:
I can’t remember her name…
Jeff:
Yeah, what is her name?
Casey:
Or really what she looked like. All I remember on that show was that she looked like she was one of the teachers. I was like, “You don’t look like you should be in this show, at all.”
Jeff:
Awesome.
Casey:
I was like, “You look like you’re 30,” not like, “You look 20.” Like, “You look 30. You look like too old for you to even be in college, really.”
Jeff:
Have you ever seen “Showgirls”?
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
They play it once a year at The Egyptian…
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
Yeah. “They Egyptian”, at a midnight show…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And all the transvestites come out and kind of…
Casey:
“The Rocky Horror Picture Show”…
Jeff:
“The Rocky Horror” only “Showgirls” is so bad that they’ll just pause the movie occasionally and let the trannies do it for a full, like… It’s not like they do it with the movie. They pause and just let them go.
Casey:
They act out the scene?
Jeff:
Yes, they do the whole scene…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Because the acting is so bad. And it’s awesome. It’s hysterical.
Casey:
Now, why… This is… I mean, continuing on this topic, then, since you brought up “Showgirls”… I have not seen but my… Like, it’s a very famous movie, in some sense, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Now, there’s plenty of B grade material out there that’s not famous in any way, right? Why is “Showgirls” somehow distinguished from that?
Jeff:
It’s because it is…
Casey:
So bad?
Jeff:
It’s so bad. The acting… It’s also… Like, a spectacular…
Casey:
So even for a skin flick, the acting is bad?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Even considering that.
Jeff:
Well, and there’s, like, name actors in here and…
Casey:
Like who?
Jeff:
Kyle… What’s his name? The dude in “Twin Peaks”.
Casey:
If you can’t remember his name, then he’s not really a name actor per se, but sure.
Jeff:
Shit. It’s the dude on… Now, he’s on…
Casey:
Oh, “Desperate Housewives”?
Jeff:
“Desperate Housewives”.
Casey:
Oh, okay.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
I’ve seen “Desperate Housewives”.
Jeff:
The dude’s in that, too. Anyway…
Casey:
Who was in “Desperate Housewives”? I may not have seen enough…
Jeff:
Yeah, he plays the redhead’s husband. The dentist, I think he is…
Casey:
Oh, okay. I remember the redhead you’re talking about. The one who’s really prim and proper?
Jeff:
Yeah, exactly.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Boy, we have totally, totally…
Casey:
100% of the people on that show scare the living shit out of me.
Jeff:
They are kind of creepy…
Casey:
It is, like, the creepiest show ever.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
The whole thing creeps me out.
Jeff:
The actors?
Casey:
Everything about it. It feels to me not dissimilar to the feeling you get in a dream where everything is normal but you know it’s just about to not be normal right…
Jeff:
And not because of the plot but because the people are creepy?
Casey:
I don’t know. That’s what I mean. It gives me this feeling…
Jeff:
That’s awesome…
Casey:
That normally you only get when your brain just knows that someone’s gonna, like, magically turn into a frog or, you know, something really bizarre’s gonna happen like you’re gonna fly off into space or who knows what’s gonna happen, right?
Jeff:
Well, I think the David Duchovny thing is just ridiculous because they put that crazy picture of him where he just looks really scary and he plays a sex addict on this TV show which is starting its next season in a few weeks. It’s like, “Oh, he’s gonna be totally better by the time that’s…”
Casey:
What if it’s all just a hoax to draw publicity.
Jeff:
I mean, that’s what I think could be possible. I don’t put it out of the…
Casey:
Ah, I see.
Jeff:
Because Showtime’s like, “We support him in this difficult time…” “In this private time,” I think he called, which sounded really bad.
Casey:
In this prime time, if you will. In his regularly scheduled time.
Jeff:
That is crazy. I don’t get like…
Casey:
Maybe they’re just like, “Well, now, at least we can film on location.”
Jeff:
Right, exactly. “Boy, this is gonna save a lot of money.”
Casey:
How do you have a film about a sex addict? I mean, a show about a sex addict? Just lots and lots of sex?
Jeff:
I’ve never seen “Californication”. That’s on Showtime and I’ve never seen it. It didn’t look that good.
Casey:
Is there Showtime on the cable…
Jeff:
No, I don’t think so. I don’t think they have Showtime. You’d have to torrent it or something… Or I mean… Buy it legally at some store.
Casey:
Right, buy it legally at some store. Don’t, in any way, use something such as an illegal downloading service…
Jeff:
Which would get there faster than shipping said DVD.
Casey:
Right, which would be a more efficient way to get the program. It would end up providing it to you in a format that is easier for you to use and easier for you to store, transport, and access…
Jeff:
And will probably be higher quality…
Casey:
Be higher quality… Very likely higher quality because it can be HD instead of DVD’s which cannot be…
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
And pretty much is better in all possible ways except for the fact that it’s illegal because movie studios and film production/television production companies don’t seem to ever want to sell you an electronic version.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
They could just sell this on their site and you could pay the $15 for it. But instead, they’d rather have it so that someone else has to provide an illegal copy, you know, which is way better…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And then you can’t actually ever get a legitimate version, thereof.
Jeff:
Yeah. So, you know, don’t do that.
Casey:
So awesome…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
The “Arrested Development” still are only available HD-wise on the torrent sites.
Casey:
That’s correct. You cannot buy an HD version of “Arrested Development”, which I absolutely would…
Jeff:
’Cos that was actually shot on HD…
Casey:
Even though I already bought the DVD of the regular version…
Jeff:
Right, exactly. I would like to give you more money…
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
And have one DVD instead of, like, the 25 that are on there now…
Casey:
Yeah. Right, if you just had a single Blu-ray that had everything on it. But there’s not enough room on Blue-ray for that, is there? I guess if you compress it with the right…
Jeff:
Yeah, you could compress it.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
I mean, if they did everything at 720p and not 1080p, and then…
Casey:
I want 1080p…
Jeff:
You want to get Michael in full glory.
Casey:
Yeah. Those Hollywood shows are always so detailed…
Jeff:
So, okay, we skipped over the thing I wanted to talk about which was the awesome vacation that this British couple had in Bulgaria… Or this British family.
Casey:
Now, who… Like I said, I’ve been archiving the links directly without reading them. Who sent this one? Was it you or Ryan?
Jeff:
This was a Ryan.
Casey:
This was a Ryan?
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So this was a family that decided to go on vacation to this 4-star hotel in Bulgaria.
Casey:
Now, what is the criteria in Bulgaria for receiving a 4-star rating?
Jeff:
I don’t know.
Casey:
You know the prime minister’s brother?
Jeff:
Probably.
Casey:
Is that how that works? Or…
Jeff:
Lack of diarrhea… Like, something…
Casey:
And maybe this was the Bulgarian version of that. You don’t know the mythology of that particular country.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You don’t know what their sort of folklore is, if you will. Maybe it involves, you know, 2 girls 1 cup…
Jeff:
Maybe the stars were for something else?
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
You know, the stars can refer to any number of the amenities at said hotel, right, so it could’ve been something that was, like, “Hey, face tasers? 4 out of 5.”
Casey:
Well, I’m assuming… I mean, if I may put 2 and 2 together… You haven’t given me a whole lot to work with here but f I may put 2 and 2 together, assuming any shred of what you’ve just told me has any bearing on the actual truth…
Jeff:
Yep, which is all of it.
Casey:
If this person was walking out to the bus, they got tasered in the face for stealing towels, right?
Jeff:
Allegedly.
Casey:
Allegedly stealing towels…
Jeff:
I mean…
Casey:
Ran back inside and found naked people shooting a porn movie, right?
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Then I can only suspect that we know where all these missing towels have gone, right? If they are shooting a porn film on the premises…
Jeff:
On the marble lobby…
Casey:
Right. I’m just assuming that, first of all, there’s a lot of cleanup that has to happen, right? People need something to cover up when they’re going… You know, when the take is done and so on…
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
I mean, I’m just assuming that they misattributed the lack of towels in the washroom… No one told them about the porn film, right?
Jeff:
I see, so security just overreacted?
Casey:
Security overreacted.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
To the towel shortage.
Jeff:
Right. The travel agent shouldn’t have to make up for poor security. That’s not his fault is what you’re saying?
Casey:
Right. Yeah.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Exactly.
Jeff:
Yeah. Probably a better way to solve it than the face taser.
Casey:
That may be true but I guess again we can say there are worse parts of the body to get tasered probably than your face. Thank God he didn’t figure out it was the porn people who took all the towels, right?
Jeff:
That’s true.
Casey:
Because unless they were wearing the towel at the time, they were very vulnerable, I think…
Jeff:
That’s true.
Casey:
To a taser attack…
Jeff:
Ball taser?
Casey:
Right?
Jeff:
Way, way worse than a face taser.
Casey:
That’s problematic. Nipple taser? That’s not good. There’s a lot of places you can get tasered. Yeah, I don’t think that’s a problem.
Jeff:
Alright. They’re gonna get you, Casey, from space. There’s actually now been a virus in space, right, a computer virus in space. They have gotten there before most of humanity.
Casey:
Well, I don’t think they’re gonna get me, right, because unlike apparently all of our top astronauts and scientists, right, I don’t tend to visit pages that have giant flashing letters on them with a marquee tag bouncing back and forth and so on…
Jeff:
What are you talking about? I send you lots of links like that.
Casey:
Yeah, and I archive them. It’s part of the strategy, right.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
You know what I’m saying to you?
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Now, here’s the interesting part of that, right. If we can get a virus up there, on to the International Space Station, then that implies to me that the shit that’s running the International Space Station… Right… Follow me here…
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
It’s Windows.
Jeff:
Yep, isn’t that awesome?
Casey:
So, I am not at all concerned about there being a computer virus in the International Space Station. I don’t think that’s a problem. Millions of users… Billions of users probably at this point… Do we have billions of users?
Jeff:
I have no idea.
Casey:
Hundreds of millions of computer users right now are running their desktop just fine with viruses that cause less damage than installing an antivirus piece of software, right. But what I am concerned about is the fact that, you know, our spaceships are being run on Microsoft Windows. I mean, how did that happen? That is a terrible idea.
Jeff:
I think it’s my understanding that the ship’s computers are far older than Windows. I believe…
Casey:
So it’s like Windows ‘95 or something?
Jeff:
No, no, no. I think that the machine that was infected was one of the laptops that the astronauts are supposed to be keeping a journal…
Casey:
The laptops?
Jeff:
Yeah. They have laptops that are not connected to the rest of the machinery…
Casey:
They’re taking laptops up to the International… Like, someone has an Alienware laptop that they open in the International Space Station?
Casey:
Okay. So the water is drinkable?
Jeff:
Possibly.
Casey:
I see.
Jeff:
Well, it sounds like it because… So this family, they were leaving. They were getting on their bus to go home. They got sick from the food. They weren’t feeling well. They’re just like, “I want to go home.”
Casey:
Okay. They got food poisoning.
Jeff:
Yeah. They got food poisoning.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
They went to the eldest daughter and they claimed that she was stealing towels, which she said no. And she tried to walk past them…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So they tasered her in the face, which is what happens in lots of places when you steal a towel.
Casey:
They claimed that she was stealing towels?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Is that some kind of metaphor… Or not a metaphor. I mean a euphemism for some kind of sexual thing? Like, if I tell a girl that she looks like she’s stealing towels, right, does that actually mean that I think that she has taken a towel illicitly or is that referring to some aspect of her appearance?
Jeff:
Well, I believe in this case they were actually worried at this 4-star hotel about losing a tower or 2. So that’s why they tased her in the face.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Because that’s what happens.
Casey:
Well, we have to set an example for other would-be towel thieves, right?
Jeff:
Yeah. I mean, you just get shot in the arm if you steal soap…
Casey:
They don’t grow on trees, you know…
Jeff:
Right. Anyway, so yeah, after she was tased, the family freaked out. And the young children were like, “Aah!” So the mother gathers the young children and whisks them downstairs to the lobby where, unbeknownst to them, they were filming a porn movie in the lobby. And so, they walked from the face taser…
Casey:
Okay…
Jeff:
Right into the porn…
Casey:
Now, this cannot be true. They were filming a 4-star hotel porn movie?
Jeff:
Again, this is Bulgarian 4-star, right. In terms of normal stars, this is not high-end star-age. And they have to film the…
Casey:
Since when do they film porn movies on location? What high budget porn movie are we filming here that we went out of the studio…
Jeff:
Wait, where do you think… No, there’s no studio. These are, like… I mean, porn is filmed in people’s houses…
Casey:
This is a hotel.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
They wouldn’t go to a hotel.
Jeff:
Yeah, they go to a hotel. They go to a hotel and say, “Hey, tase anybody that comes in the room. Good for everybody.”
Casey:
I don’t believe a word of this story.
Jeff:
Not only…
Casey:
When did the 400-pound squirrels show up?
Jeff:
The 400-pound squirrels show up when the travel agency refunded them, kindly, about 25% of their total visit.
Casey:
Well, I guess what I would argue…
Jeff:
They just got a coupon…
Casey:
Is that they’re… I mean, you decided you were going to go on vacation in Bulgaria.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Alright. So at that point, I’m not exactly convinced that your travel agent is responsible for your interactions with the locals, if you will…
Jeff:
Well, maybe they wanted to go somewhere awesome in the Mediterranean…
Casey:
Yeah. Right.
Jeff:
And they got talked into Bulgaria.
Casey:
Yes. I would be upset at a $500 (or whatever you said it was) refund…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
For my vacation if I asked to go to Hawaii and they sent me to Bulgaria, right? Obviously, I’m gonna want a refund for that. But on the other hand, if I went to the travel agent and I was like, “I’d really like you to set me up with something nice, you know, like a 4-star place in Bulgaria…” Right?
Jeff:
You deserve it.
Casey:
At that point, I feel like I have ceded all claims that I may have had to malfeasance or negligence on the part of the travel agent, right? I mean, that just doenst hold water for me.
Jeff:
Probably came with a little greeting card saying, “I’m sorry.” Like, a bear and it says, “I’m bear-y sorry.” And then they open it up… “About your face taser…”
Casey:
Well, I’m wondering what you expected the travel agent to do. I mean, the travel agent cannot include a pamphlet that’s like, “What to do if you’ve been tasered”, right? I mean, what did you want them to provide in addition to the arrangements that was not provided, right? It’s like, “Oh, here’s a pamphlet about teaching your children about sex. And here’s a pamphlet about how to recover from a taser injury,” right? Is that… You just wanted those in the packet? Is that it? Did you want me to pick a different hotel? Some people might consider local porn filming to be a plus.
Jeff:
A plus, right…
Casey:
Right?
Jeff:
Not a family but, yeah…
Casey:
So how do they know that that was supposed to be a negative, right? Maybe that’s not…
Jeff:
I’m pretty sure…
Casey:
Them filming a porn movie like, you know… When you go to Disneyworld, you often see these little sort of things that show up around the magic kingdom that are, like, little acts that are happening…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Well, they probably are trying to get free internet off the Russian side of the space station, you know, those guys have…
Casey:
By using wireless?
Jeff:
Yeah, they have Linksys and they didn’t put a password on it ‘cos they’re like, “We’re in fucking space. We don’t need to put WPA on this…
Casey:
I had absolutely no idea…
Jeff:
And the Americans are downloading crap tons of spam and tons of porn…
Casey:
Okay. I mean, Jeff, I could not pick up my ThinkPad by the corner without the motherboard cracking. True story.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Okay. And not just me. That was a widespread problem. What laptops are we sending into space that are still functioning by the time they get there?
Jeff:
No, they put, like, that… You know when I pick up Sony too fast, it pops up a little program that says, “Hard drive protection kicked in.”
Casey:
Right. Yeah.
Jeff:
That just runs for, like, 40 minutes while they’re blasting off..
Casey:
Yeah, seriously.
Jeff:
Because once they’re in space, there’s no need for hard drive protection, at all. It’s just floating around. It’s fine.
Casey:
I guess. I mean… Well, yeah, I mean, there’s oxygen so I guess that’s fine. It’s not a different environment.
Jeff:
You’re caring about a very strange aspect of the story, I have to tell you.
Casey:
Well, it just doesn’t make any sense to me. That’s like… Pretty soon, it’s gonna be like, “Oh, yeah, they took their pets up with them.”
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Like, “Oh, yeah. I had my laptop and my desk and… I was just working on my novel,” right…
Jeff:
Right. “We’re at the Starbucks,” right?
Casey:
Yeah. I mean, I just don’t think of it that way.
Jeff:
Drinking some space coffee.
Casey:
I think of it like if I’m in space, right…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I’m freaking out. I’m not gonna use a laptop, right? That’s not gonna happen. I’m just gonna be terrified that I’m about to die, right, because that’s the most likely thing to happen in space is that I’m gonna die before I get back to earth, right, because that’s pretty much the case. Like, the chances that you’re gonna die as an astronaut are probably something like 50 to 1, right? I mean, it’s gotta be extraordinarily high because there’s very few astronauts and tons of times when, like, shit has just exploded, right, either on re-entry or on launch or whatever, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
So I’m like… Here’s what I’m like… I’m like, “Okay. I got out into space so that’s good. That got through part of the part where I die.”
Jeff:
Right. Because… Yeah, you know they say the…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Launch is the most dangerous part of space flight.
Casey:
Right. So now I’ve got 14 days or… I don’t know how long they stay up there these days…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I got a couple weeks or something to think about what it’s gonna be like when some errant tile flies off of the space shuttle or whatever the fuck they use these days…
Jeff:
You’re just gonna be freaking out the whole time?
Casey:
A magical purple horse or whatever they think they’re gonna ride back down into the atmosphere on…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Right? Comes off… The thing incinerates rapidly. I burst into flames, right… That’s what I’m thinking about for a week. I’m not gonna be like, “Oh, I’ll catch up on my ‘World of Warcraft’.”
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Right? That’s not what’s happening. Besides, the lag would be wicked, I imagine, right, from up there… Or probably not. I mean, my “World of Warcraft” are probably already… I don’t play “World of Warcraft” so let’s say “Gears of War”, right…
Jeff:
Yeah. The lag would probably be about the same.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Yeah. Seattle Space Station. Like, would you be holding up the whole landing while you’re finishing your game?
Casey:
No, because it doesn’t matter. You can either decide to play the game or not play the game and it will be roughly the same odds of you winning, right?
Jeff:
I see what you’re saying.
Casey:
You know, you can give the monkey the controller and they’re gonna do basically the same, right?
Jeff:
There’s no chimp still in the International Space Station.
Casey:
There aren’t?
Jeff:
They introduced chimps and then they bred out of control. They can’t get rid of all the chimps in space. This is just like the rabbit in Australia.
Casey:
Well, that’s actually a good question. Why are we the only primate who has been a rampant breeder in all territories? Like, there’s…
Jeff:
’Cos we can live anywhere.
Casey:
If you introduce humans to a continent, we overrun it immediately.
Jeff:
We overrun the fucking planet.
Casey:
But that has never happened with gorillas, right?
Jeff:
Yeah. Well, they’re not building things, right? We can live anywhere. We got quite the advantage here.
Casey:
Is that all it is?
Jeff:
I think that’s all it is.
Casey:
Construction?
Jeff:
Well, no. I mean, construction’s just the outlay of the fact that we can teach our children things so knowledge doesn’t disappear every time somebody croaks.
Casey:
Are you suggesting that animals can’t teach… Like, chimps can’t teach their children things?
Jeff:
Well, I think the biggest difference between us and any other primate is the ability to teach one another, right? Like, the learning that one chimp does from the other exists but it’s very tenuous.
Casey:
So what you’re saying is that if chimpanzees had public schooling…
Jeff:
Yes, that’s all they need.
Casey:
That they would be all set?
Jeff:
Yep, that’s all they need.
Casey:
So obviously, you have been out of public school for too long is I guess what I’m getting from this discussion.
Jeff:
I did see an interesting thing where one chimp that they had taught sign language, her children had spontaneously developed sign language just from copying the mother. So they could ask for food without being taught.
Casey:
I’m not sure that “spontaneously developed” would be the term for “I saw my mom do it”.
Jeff:
“And got food… And so, if I did it, I got food…”
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
But yeah, that’s still pretty awesome, I have to say.
Casey:
Yeah, but Jeff, your criteria for pretty awesome…
Jeff:
I know.
Casey:
If it involves a chimp is, like…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
It’s the classic “looked at camera” right? If the chimp turns and looks at the camera…
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Then it’s like, “That is awesome.”
Jeff:
No, you know what…
Casey:
“It’s awesome. I looked at the camera and then it looked at the camera.”
Jeff:
No. I have to say… Like, “chimp looked at camera” is not as interesting to me as cat or gerbil.
Casey:
Okay. So the less intelligent you perceive the animal to be, the more fun it is for them to look at the camera?
Jeff:
Yes, I guess so.
Casey:
If it’s a really smart animal, then that’s not so interesting because maybe it understands what the camera is. I want something that couldn’t possibly know what the fuck was going on with camera…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And still looks at it as if it was…
Jeff:
And still manage to pull off a dramatic pose.
Casey:
I see.
Jeff:
You know what I’m saying?
Casey:
Yeah. No, I know exactly what you’re saying.
Jeff:
And by that, you don’t agree.
Casey:
No, I absolutely agree. I agree that that is your criteria.
Jeff:
Damn it.
Casey:
Based on what you sent me…
Jeff:
Damn it.
Casey:
That sounds like a pretty accurate analysis, actually…
Jeff:
Oh, my God. Alright, everybody, this has been a very tired podcast by Jeff & Casey.
Casey:
I’m exhausted and I lost my voice.
Jeff:
Yes. We’re cutting it short this time so that Casey gets his voice back by next week. In the meantime, keep those animal clips coming at Podcast@JeffAndCaseyShow.com…
Casey:
No, no. Don’t keep the animal clips coming.
Jeff:
But if they’re not animal clips, go ahead and send them to us, anyway. Let us know what you’re doing. Tell us a story. We like to hear all kinds of good stuff from our listeners. Thanks, everybody. We’ll see you next week.
Casey:
Take it easy.
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casey muratori
the jeff and casey show - season 1 - episode 29
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