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The Technician
No Imperfections Noted
The Jeff and Casey Show
Jeff and Casey Time
Casey Muratori
Seattle, WA
The Clothes Hangar, the Uncooked Hot Dog, and the Tube of Lube
"If they're not having sex with their fellow classmates, that's where I step in."
Original air date: August 18th, 2008
Topics. 14-year-olds. Retarded no-shows. Yale. Silverlight. Yet another XBox shits the bed. Nazis still aren’t funny. Lost. Emo dicks. Instructions. Gay equivalent to women’s volleyball. Abstinence. Bush goes bananas in China. Bill’s cock bracelet. Dramatic cats. Braid stars. Sex addiction. Serenity. Triceratops. Amazons. Crazy pit bull cloner Mormon abductor fucker stripper girl.
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Transcript
Jeff:
Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Jeff & Casey Show.
Casey:
Hello, and welcome to the Jeff & Casey Show, where I am enjoying a tasty, blue sky organic… Sweetened with organic cane sugar New Century Cola beverage…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Which I just found in the RAD refrigerator.
Jeff:
I kind of caught you in mid-gulp by accident there.
Casey:
Now, here’s the thing that I want to know, right…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Because we never… You know, contractually speaking, I guess, when I was still working here under contract, right, we had a contract and it spelled out things explicitly — the terms of my employment and when I left and whatever…
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
But it was not explicitly stated in the contract that I got to eat shit out of the back room at RAD even after I was no longer an employee.
Jeff:
Yeah, you owe me thousands of Dollars.
Casey:
Yeah, that’s the question, right. Is it just kind of a gratis thing where, like, since I still help with the hiring process…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I get certain privileges that would normally only be conferred on to the real employee?
Jeff:
Yes. Well, I think the way it rolls… Since I’ve seen, like, the cleaning people eating little things out of there and sometimes having Slurpees…
Casey:
The bar is not high…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
For contribution?
Jeff:
No, I’m just like, anybody can go in there…
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
What am I gonna do?
Casey:
Okay. Well, you could make them leave.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
You’re like, “Hey, stop eating that.”
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
“You fat fuck.”
Jeff:
No. That’s not gonna happen.
Casey:
Alright. Okay.
Jeff:
Well, you know, should we start off talking about this crazy pitbull Mormon missionary sexaholic insanity?
Casey:
You know, I’ve got to be honest with you, dude, you have sent me 4 or 5 links about this. And I actually went to try and read some of it and I just couldn’t even be bothered. Like, I started reading it and…
Jeff:
It’s too weird?
Casey:
It was so ridiculous…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I was like, “Okay…”
Jeff:
I know.
Casey:
I don’t even want to bother my brain, trying to assemble the facts of this case…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Into some semblance of… I just couldn’t believe it. And then, you kept sending me more links that were even more ridiculous…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Add-ons to the story.
Jeff:
It just keeps getting crazier.
Casey:
It’s like the more they look into this person, the more absurd it gets.
Jeff:
Right, you know how there’s some people…
Casey:
To the point where it’s like they’re just making that shit up.
Jeff:
Right. Sometimes there’s people you don’t want a contact surface with. You could be just entering this crazy psycho world that they live in…
Casey:
Oh, okay…
Jeff:
And there’s some people…
Casey:
You’re talking about like a sphere of influence, sort of?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You don’t want to be within whatever reality warp is happening around this person for whatever reason from birth?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
That’s just the case… And we don’t know why but it’s happening… Right.
Jeff:
You could…
Casey:
It’s like, Rod Sterling is, like, 50 steps behind these people at all times, cigarette in hand, business suit on, ready to turn around to the camera…
Jeff:
Right. Well, it’s like when you read about the neighbors of some serial killer and they seem like they stayed out of his… They don’t…
Casey:
The fence between your yard and theirs was enough to prevent…
Jeff:
To stay away from them.
Casey:
I see.
Jeff:
This lady… So she clones her pitbull. Of all animals, she clones a pitbull.
Casey:
Now, she clones…
Jeff:
Like there’s not, like, 500 of them at the pound that Alicia deals with every day that needs homes, she clones 1…
Casey:
And they’re all the fucking the same.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I mean, it’s like, you can find another pitbull very similar to your pitbull.
Jeff:
Yes, totally.
Casey:
There’s not a huge variance in breed, I don’t think.
Jeff:
Yes. So she clones her pitbull, which is weird enough and everybody’s like, “Great…” Then, it turns out, “Wait, that name sounds familiar.” They look her up. It turns out, she was a stripper. She was actually in Playboy magazine.
Casey:
Oh. Stripper pitbull.
Jeff:
She fell in love with a Mormon mission--… Well, he wasn’t a missionary. He was just a Mormon there in Utah.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
He…
Casey:
Okay. If you’re a Mormon in Utah, you’re definitely not a missionary. Like, there is nothing that qualifies you less as a missionary than being a Mormon in Utah.
Jeff:
There are lots, by the way.
Casey:
That is, like, the easiest goddamned job in the world, right?
Jeff:
Well…
Casey:
The missionaries in Africa think you’re the biggest fucking wuss if you are a Mormon missionary in Utah.
Jeff:
Well, they have a really complicated process by which they test you, psychologically and such.
Casey:
Go evangelize vegetarianism at the PETA convention. It’s like, yeah, tough job.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Or the people we talked about who are, like, outside Madison Market, right?
Jeff:
Totally. Right.
Casey:
Trying to sign up people for the, like…
Jeff:
For the Green party…
Casey:
Legalize marijuana or something…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s like, it’s a gimme.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You can’t go wrong with that. If you can’t succeed at this, then you will always be a failure. I’m sorry.
Jeff:
If you’re going out in the world and doing missionary work, that’s hard work…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Like, you’re gonna have a lot of doors slammed in your face. Here, it’s basically you’re gonna knock on the door and they’re gonna invite you in and give you cookies, right?
Casey:
Yeah. They’re gonna be like, “Hey, guess what, we’re already Mormons.”
Jeff:
Yeah. “But you know, come watch TV with us.”
Casey:
Right. Yeah.
Jeff:
Anyway so he goes to… He gets assigned to…
Casey:
Are they allowed to watch TV?
Jeff:
I… Sure…
Casey:
Only if it’s a Mormon-owned subsidiary of one of the networks or something?
Jeff:
Well, that’s easy to do in Utah because they own, like…
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
You know, several of the TV stations.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Even here, actually. I think, like, KIRO 5 is owned by Bonneville. So… Anyway…
Casey:
Somebody needs to take a movie… Someone needs to start shipping movies that are, like, the movie but all of the objectionable scenes have been just spliced in with something Mormon.
Jeff:
Oh, I see.
Casey:
Like, it’s not subtle editing and it’s not like that company that clipped out the scenes…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s just like…
Jeff:
Which was in Utah.
Casey:
Right, that’s what I’m saying.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s like, there’s 4 minutes where they have really rough sex or something or graphic depiction of sex. And so, it just switches at that time, literally, to something Mormon with different [ music performance ] and it just picks back up again, like right after…
Jeff:
As if nothing happened.
Casey:
Yeah. It’s like a commercial break, right?
Jeff:
Right. But yeah… No, you couldn’t write the script to this lady. It’s more absurd every single day.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So she ends up following the dude to England, she kidnaps him…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
She sexes him up with her fur-lined handcuffs…
Casey:
Wait, wait. She kidnaps him?
Jeff:
She kidnaps him off to some crazy place out in the country.
Casey:
Who the fuck kidnaps a Mormon missionary? It’s like, they’re a dime a dozen. Why would you need to kidnap one?
Jeff:
She just really like this particular one.
Casey:
Just use him and wait for the next one to come to the door, you know?
Jeff:
Apparently.
Casey:
Like, fuck it… Why would you need to go through the trouble of risking a felony offence, right?
Jeff:
She wanted this one. She can’t go back to England. She had to flee England.
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
Someone helped her escape. Anyway, so she un-handcuffs him…
Casey:
“What did you do yesterday?” “Oh, I helped a Mormon missionary-kidnapping, pitbull-cloning, Playboy Playmate stripper…”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“Escape England…”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s like, things that probably will not happen in my life # 307.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Although the way it’s been going lately with my random people I’m talking to…
Jeff:
Yes. This could…
Casey:
The only thing I can guarantee is I won’t help her escape.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
That’s about the only change to that. It’s like, meeting the person who kidnapped the Mormon missionary, and for some reason them feeling like it’s okay to tell me about that in the middle of something…
Jeff:
Somehow…
Casey:
Seems suddenly more plausible to me…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
All of a sudden.
Jeff:
No, and then, what’s the last thing was I think it turns out that she tried to hire some kids to… Oh, what did she do? Burn down something…
Casey:
Oh…
Jeff:
So she could get the insurance money to get her 3-legged horse an artificial leg.
Casey:
Okay, yes. That’s right. There was an artificial leg for a horse bit, yeah.
Jeff:
And you’re just like, “Okay. You’re done. There’s nothing more… I can’t imagine anything more here.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So that’s pretty good action.
Casey:
No, it’s definitely… It’s a David Lynch film.
Jeff:
Totally.
Casey:
We talked about that before. It is a David Lynch film.
Jeff:
Totally.
Casey:
But not one of his more creative ones. It’s his… Straight ahead, right, it’s his bread & butter ones where he's just like…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“I’m just kicking it out” like we were talking about before, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It’s like, it’s not one of his ones where he’s being risky.
Jeff:
Right. This is one for the fans.
Casey:
Right. This is one for the fans. Just giving the people what they want.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
You know, [ bring the circus. ] Yep. Christians and lions. You know what I’m talking about?
Jeff:
So as long as we’re on the sex thing, we also have another Republican who…
Casey:
Oh, that was awesome.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
You sent me this link. What was it? It was like “Republican who had just gotten done…”
Jeff:
With the abstinence…
Casey:
“… Authoring legislation for teen abstinence education was doing a 14-year old girl.”
Jeff:
A 14-year old… There was something with the mom, too, like…
Casey:
I don’t know. I, like, stopped there. I was like, “Okay. So what were his goals in the…” I was trying to figure out whether… You know, ‘cos when he writes this legislation like the teen abstinence thing. Alright, there’s 2 ways in my head that that’s going, right. Either he understands the fact that he’s really fucking fucked up…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Because he is a, what, 50-year old guy or sthing?
Jeff:
Right…
Casey:
Having sex with or God knows what is happening with the 14-year old girl…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Hopefully, it’s just sex, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Like, I don’t have any idea…
Jeff:
We don’t want to know.
Casey:
Probably not good, right? So either he understands this and he’s, like, terrified of his own self and, like, whatever. So he’s writing teen abstinence, like, “I just want them to stay away from me,” right? He’s like, “I’m too scared. If they’re all having sex, I can’t resist,” right?
Jeff:
Maybe…
Casey:
Or…
Jeff:
I have another possibility…
Casey:
My other way was, like, okay, he’s thinking, “Alright, look. If they’re all abstaining from sex, then there’s more for me.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s like, “If they’re not having sex with their fellow classmates, then that’s where I come in,” right?
Jeff:
It could also be like he doesn’t want her to break up with him so he removes all potential adversaries…
Casey:
The temptation, right…
Jeff:
They’re all abstaining…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And he’s the only unit in town.
Casey:
Right. If you read the legislation, it’s only talking about abstinence for boys, somehow, right?
Jeff:
Right. Yeah.
Casey:
It’s like, there’s no thing in there about women at all, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s like, boys under the age of 17 should not be engaging in any sexual activity. And they’re like, “Hey, wait a minute, what’s the girls’ stuff in there?” It’s like, “Oh, well, you know, it’s [ just boy stuff, ] it’s fine. What are you talking about? [ It’s not a problem. ]”
Jeff:
“What’s this part where you’re allowed to give special badges out so 14-year olds can have sex?”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
“Oh, it’s nothing. It’s part of a new departmental…”
Casey:
“It’s a spearhead campaign… Blue Ribbon Panel… We’ll get back… Studies show…” And so on… And then it’s like, you know, down at the bottom, there’s, like, “I don’t remember the Spanking Clause when it came out of the community.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
He’s like, “Spanking Clause? I don’t know what you’re talking about, Spanking Clause. That’s odd, Spanking Clause.”
Jeff:
It’d be awesome if…
Casey:
“I think that’s only if they’ve been a bad girl, though, you know? So it’s fine, right?”
Jeff:
It’s fine. And all the other Senators are attaching their little excuses as things…
Casey:
Right, totally. Absolutely.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
“Wait. This isn’t about 14-year old girls.” “I know. It’s about old ladies and when they want to dress people up as little babies, that’s okay.”
Casey:
Yeah, that’s fine, the Diaper Rider on this one. It’s fine.
Jeff:
And then he’s arguing with them, like…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
“This is not related to my bill.” And he’s like, “Look, you want to get this to pass…”
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. Right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And then the Pope’s there, like, “Is there a reason it’s restricted to girls? Because I’m thinking that everyone wins here, right? You know what I’m saying? We deliver a big voting block, you know?”
Jeff:
Yeah. Ugh. Go get therapy.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It’s not that expensive.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You probably have a good healthcare plan since you’re a Senator, you know…
Casey:
Yes, that’s right.
Jeff:
Go get some fucking therapy.
Casey:
We are paying for your healthcare. Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
You know, and…
Casey:
Now, are you sure this was a Senator, it wasn’t a Representative?
Jeff:
Uh, let’s see…
Casey:
Sometimes, the Senators tend to have less sex with 14-year olds.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Sometimes. Not all the time.
Jeff:
I think it’s a Representative.
Casey:
Yeah, that sounds a little…
Jeff:
’Cos I wrote “14-year old Sex Rep” as my note here.
Casey:
Awesome. Well, usually what happens is I think Senators because they’re a little more hard… The races are a little more difficult for those. I think they do a little more screening before they run somebody. They try to, like, ask around the local grade school and find out what the fuck has been going on, right. Whereas Representatives are, like, “Ah, whatever,” you know. It’s like, “It’s not that important. Fine. You fucked your grandmother. You fucked your niece. If you couldn’t do that, then Alabama wouldn’t have a goddamned Representative in the first place so it’s a problem,” you know?
Jeff:
Well, totally.
Casey:
It’s fine.
Jeff:
And like, if you want to be in the House, it takes, like, 50K and 9 months off work if you’re in the House.
Casey:
Right. You could…
Jeff:
It’s just so fucking easy.
Casey:
You could fund the campaigns yourself…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Of, like, all the Representatives from Washington, pretty much. It’s really not an issue.
Jeff:
The complicated betting that they do for high officials…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Does not happen. In fact…
Casey:
Yeah. Okay, so Jim McDermott, our Representative, like [inaudible 11:40] It’s not your Representative. I think you have… You actually have Jay Inslee. You actually have a good Representative.
Jeff:
Yeah, he’s awesome.
Casey:
Right. You got a good one.
Jeff:
Which is insane… He’s really good.
Casey:
He’s not bad at all, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
We’ve got Jim McDermott, right. This guy’s a fucking lunatic, okay. I was at this thing, right. And just already, I’m like, “This concerns me,” right, it’s like, there’s so many pressing issues in the world, alright, and this dude shows up with this, right. I’m at this thing, okay. It’s a screening. It’s at a film festival, right. And it’s a film. It’s a documentary about fistulas, okay.
Jeff:
Goddamn it.
Casey:
Now, to fill you in on the situation, this is basically a thing, you know… Here in the US, this is not a problem of any significant form.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But in foreign countries, this is a problem.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right? And so, I’ll leave it to Sean’s links to clarify what that is for the viewing public, right.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
But point being… I mean, it is in a theater at the Northwest Film Forum that seats, at most, a hundred people, okay. At most. This theater has a hundred seats in it, probably, if it’s lucky. There are probably 4 rows of it filled…
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
At most for this fistula show, okay. Right. I am there…
Jeff:
Fistula show…
Casey:
Alright. Fucking… The Representative shows up to this, okay. He shows up. This is the number 1 thing he has to do. It’s like, they’re tapping my fucking phones, they’re spending all my money overseas, right, our fucking whole economy is going to shit, and this dude’s, like, “3rd world fistula problem is tops on my things to do today,” right?
Jeff:
“I am there.”
Casey:
I’m like, “You have got to be fucking kidding me. There’s 40 people in this room and you showed up to this.” Un-fucking-real. Anyway, this guy starts talking. I swear to God, Jeff, I have no idea what he said. He spoke for easily 25 minutes off the cuff. It was unscripted. He wasn’t even supposed to give a talk or anything, just got up and started talking. It was, like, amazing. I’m just like, “What are you talking about?”
Jeff:
You mean it’s budget-free?
Casey:
No, he starts off talking about fistulas and he’s talking about his wife was somewhere and they’re off in China or something, which is not an all the subject. This was an African documentary, right. He’s like, “Sometimes, you know, the whole political process is complicated and this, that, and the other thing and fund raising and wow, what a great thing. And hey, this theater, say back in 1907, when I was…” I’m just like…
Jeff:
Stop.
Casey:
What is going on?
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
Like, this is ridiculous. It scares me, too. I mean, this is the political process, though. This is your Representative, right, and you’re sitting there watching this. And you’re just like, “I am just ashamed of my whole world,” right. And you know, you think back when it used to be, you know, probably… At some point, it probably was still considered cool to be a politician, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Somewhere back there, it probably was considered a cool thing to do, you know? We’ve talked about how politics was never clean and never as pure as it has, you know…
Jeff:
Been told…
Casey:
We’ve tried to make it seem like it was in this country, certainly… But I do kind of get the feeling that people didn’t always thing that the President was a dumbass, right? That wasn’t always the case, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
They were angry at the dude, you know, and they had serious problems with it and there were tons of people who said he was a dumbass. But the average citizen, I don’t think honestly felt every day that their entire country was being run by morons.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I don’t think they had that sense of dread in their heart…
Jeff:
I agree with that.
Casey:
You know what I mean?
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
So anyway, that’s the thing, right, like watching C-SPAN, you know, C-SPAN’s on for the dogs?
Jeff:
Dude, that just hurts.
Casey:
You know what I’m saying?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
C-SPAN is like this thing where you learn two things about your government watching C-SPAN that you’d never wanted to know, right? Number 1 is that everyone is fucking retarded.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
You’re just like, “Oh, my Lord.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“These people couldn’t run the local bank, let alone this country.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Like, “We’re in deep shit.” Number 2, nobody shows up. Okay. They’re like, it’s the meeting of their committee. It’s a hearing, right. Like, I think I saw one where it was like they had a hearing on, like, with the lead problem in China, right. There’s 14 seats for the committee with nametags up on the front of this bench thing, right. 3 people showed up, okay…
Jeff:
Awesome.
Casey:
No one’s in the audience at all. There’s no one there.
Jeff:
They’re just talking on the record.
Casey:
There’s, like, 6 people there who are there to testify. They’re probably thinking, “Hi, I’m some huge PR representative for some massive fucking firm, right. I come down here to this goddamned hearing to talk to these jackasses. No one shows up. And there’s no one here listening. There’s no press. The only camera is fucking C-SPAN and we know who watches that — the 2 fucking dogs at Casey’s, right. That’s who’s watching C-SPAN, okay. And guess what, they don’t buy toys from China, okay. They don’t even vote. They can’t vote. Canine suffrage has not made it into the constitution, yet, okay. So I don’t know what they think is happening.” And what kind of precedence does that set when you have people coming to testify for an important issue? I mean, you go watch the tapes of the McCarthy hearings or something like this. That courtroom was fucking packed.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
That room was packed, dude.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
There’s tons of people in there, alright.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Where are the people?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
What is going on in our government when day to day, there’s nobody there? There should be tons of people there. Where are the people?
Jeff:
I imagine that that shit goes… I mean, after the lead in China, it’s the next retarded thing after the next retarded thing after the next retarded thing…
Casey:
Well, then, why are they doing the retarded things? Why do they have that, right?
Jeff:
I think all they do is just to get it on the record. It’s part of the public record.
Casey:
It’s just a waste of fucking time, you know?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Like, okay, great. Yeah. You’re like…
Jeff:
“Why don’t you email each other?”
Casey:
“Well, none of our committee people show up because, oh, it’s another thing. It’s a Resolution, like supporting the [ voices ].” Stop fucking passing those Resolutions, alright?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
If every single fucking committee meeting isn’t important, how about we stop having those meetings so maybe one of you fuckers could read the bills you’re signing…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Before you sign them. There’s a novel concept, right? That would be great.
Jeff:
Well, you should be happy because, like, no matter what, we’ll have no Bush next year. So that’s always good.
Casey:
Yeah, that’s what you think.
Jeff:
I don’t think he wants it. Like, he’s been going absolutely bonkers in China, right?
Casey:
Yeah. I haven’t seen this.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You were telling me about this. I gotta get on the ball here. This sounds fabulous, actually.
Jeff:
Yeah, no. They have all the pictures of him with the women volleyball players. And there’s lots of, like… One’s where he’s slapping their back…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And they catch it so it looks like he’s going for the ass…
Casey:
And how do you know he wasn’t going for the ass?
Jeff:
Well…
Casey:
Right? You didn’t see…
Jeff:
Yeah, that’s true.
Casey:
If you don’t see the rest of the shots…
Jeff:
Then it could be…
Casey:
Maybe he got a… Maybe he could a hanger.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You know what I’m saying?
Jeff:
There are lots of shots where he’s looking straight at their ass, there’s no question.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
But I have no problem with that because the women players are out of control.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Yeah. So that’s good. I’m fine with that.
Casey:
Right. You’re fine with that.
Jeff:
But he’s having an awesome time…
Casey:
Where’s Bill Clinton then? I mean, he must be… ‘Cos he was in the locker room? Is that basically it?
Jeff:
I think…
Casey:
They couldn’t get photos because he didn’t… He never made it out of the locker rooms? He was just in there.
Jeff:
Either that or he’s like, “You know, I hit that when they were amateurs.”
Casey:
Oh, right. That’s right. It’s like, “Once they go pro, they lose the drive.” Yeah, that’s right.
Jeff:
[ It sounds exciting. ]
Casey:
Yeah. I see.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
But no, he’s having a great time ‘cos he had that with the volleyball players…
Casey:
“Spike me right now.”
Jeff:
He had the [ pics ] where he held the flag up wrong…
Casey:
See, I still don’t understand the “flag is backwards” thing, at all…
Jeff:
Well, you’re supposed to hold up the flag and show it to all the world correctly.
Casey:
But why is there a “correctly”? It’s a fairly symmetric flag. Like, okay, the blue box is on the opposite side is the only difference between a flag mirrored and a flag straightaway. So who gives a fuck about that?
Jeff:
I think it’s entirely possible that he could’ve had it upside-down, too…
Casey:
Okay, that’s true. That would obviously be…
Jeff:
Now, this was just backwards…
Casey:
Noticeable, I guess, ‘cos I’d never seen it… But when you fly a flag, you don’t know which direction the wind’s gonna blow, necessarily…
Jeff:
Or person’s facing it…
Casey:
It could be pointing in either direction, right? And yeah, if it’s not on a building, if it’s on something that can be viewed from a 360-degree angles, then who knows? So to me, left/right reversal of the flag, I don’t even think of those as an issue. They’re just interchangeable.
Jeff:
Well, when you zoomed out on the crowd, the entire crowd had the flags one way and then here’s the President…
Casey:
Okay, that’s a little weird, yeah.
Jeff:
Holding it the other way with kind of a goofy smile. And then Laura nudges him…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And then he reverses it.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And he makes those crazy faces. You would hate to get caught making those… You know, when someone takes your picture and you’re making like…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Holding your mouth weird or something.
Casey:
Yeah, like you’re to exude a very thin stream of air but in a wide band.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Right, a wide band thin stream of air, right.
Jeff:
Well, he gets caught in those awful pictures all the time with his, like…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Cheeks up and the corners of his lips…
Casey:
Yeah, gumball snuggler. Yeah.
Jeff:
Yeah. So, yeah. There’s that. Then Bill Gates comes out of the crowd to shake his hand.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It wasn’t entirely clear that the President knew exactly who he was ‘cos there was this confusion on his face. And then, there’s some talking. They shake each other’s hand. And then, when Bill walks away, he makes a face almost like, “Nerd,” right…
Casey:
That’s ridiculous.
Jeff:
He’s like… He’s having an awesome time.
Casey:
Are you serious?
Jeff:
Bush and…
Casey:
I would say that it’s entirely possible that… If he really did, A, not recognize Bill Gates and then, B, make fun of him, that sounds to me like he’s kind of reverted back to his frat boy, like… You know, his Yale days…
Jeff:
He seems like… Totally.
Casey:
Like, I’m imagining that what happened probably was there was some dinner, you know…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Some kind of ceremonial dinner the Chinese had to welcome foreign dignitaries like Presidents and stuff like this, right, and they probably served something alcoholic, you know what I mean. But he didn’t know that, right. It’s some kind of fermented rice wine thing of which he’s unfamiliar ‘cos, like, he only knows beer. Like, that’s the only thing he… You know, he has no idea of the alcohols of the world…
Jeff:
So he’s just acting like a maniac.
Casey:
He’s off the wagon.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
He’s, like, totally fucking on a bender now. Like, he doesn’t know that it’s alcoholic, right. He’s been ordering that shit in his hotel room, like, 24/7. He’s just fucking wasted, right.
Jeff:
“This apple juice is awesome. Yale! Yale!”
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. No, it’s got some weird name, you know, like “Hao Lai Fung” or something, right… And he’s like, “Oh, I’ll take another one of them Chinese drinks, you know.”
Jeff:
“I’ll take another one of them China drinks.”
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
“China apple juice.”
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
“That’s awesome.”
Casey:
Exactly. That’s what I’m imagining.
Jeff:
“Yale!”
Casey:
That seems to me to be most likely explanation. Either that or he’s just like, “Fuck it. I can’t get un-elected anymore so who gives a shit? I’mma slap some ass. I’m gonna make fun of Bill Gates. I’ll do whatever the hell I want. Dignity is overrated and I never had any to begin with.”
Jeff:
Yeah. He’s gonna be the best ex-President we’ve ever had.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I had really high hopes for Clinton ‘cos I figured once he’s out of office…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
He just goes to town.
Casey:
Oh, right.
Jeff:
It’s like, “I will…”
Casey:
You think he plows everything within a… But you know what…
Jeff:
And he doesn’t apologize…
Casey:
Yeah, it’s the Hilary thing…
Jeff:
In fact, he starts bragging about it.
Casey:
It’s the Hilary problem. Hilary was gonna run for President. See, that was the problem. He couldn’t. . .
Jeff:
So he had to keep it on a leash. Well, that and the stroke. He probably couldn’t get…
Casey:
Oh, that’s a good point. Yeah.
Jeff:
You know, he couldn’t raise the heart rate too much. He’s got an electronic bracelet that Hilary monitors…
Casey:
Oh, no…
Jeff:
That, like, whenever he starts getting excited…
Casey:
Oh, man.
Jeff:
“Bill.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
He’s like, “Yes, dear.”
Casey:
Awesome. I had no… Yeah, that’s a good point.
Jeff:
Yeah, but now… But with Bush… I mean, there’s gonna be cocaine parties…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
All the things where you go quietly into the night…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
None of that. None of that. He’ll buy, like a NASCAR and drive it himself…
Casey:
Yep, absolutely.
Jeff:
And just…
Casey:
Well, the gaffes will be amazing now, too.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Because now, he’s, like, under no stress, either, to, like… So he’d just kind of get up there and like… You know, the shit that will come out of his mouth…
Jeff:
Yeah, totally.
Casey:
Will just be ridiculous. Like, “What?” [inaudible 23:17] man on the moon. [ I didn’t see him ] put a man on the moon. I got man on my moons. There’s like 3 of them.”
Jeff:
“And that was all faked anyway. I know they did that on a photo studio.”
Casey:
No, he’s not paranoid.
Jeff:
I think…
Casey:
Bush is not paranoid.
Jeff:
You don’t think he’s be like…
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
A conspiracy dude?
Casey:
No. I don’t think he’s a conspiracy dude.
Jeff:
I think when he starts smoking weed…
Casey:
He’s just evangelical. I mean, his conspiracy… All of his conspiracy theory comes just from the, like, God save the Holy Land, you know?
Jeff:
I see. Okay.
Casey:
That’s where he’s at, I think. I don’t think he’s, like, tinfoil hats, like, stop the mind control.
Jeff:
Jesus. Jesus on the moon.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Jesus wants us to go to Mars. That’s where he’s at.
Jeff:
Oh, awesome. Well, the Texas thing has been on my mind a lot, actually.
Casey:
Texas?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
What Texas thing? Just the fact that we have a state called Texas in the Union and they have gun racks and put little skulls of weird creatures on their [ fender ]?
Jeff:
No, no, no. ‘Cos a lot of my crazy links I’ve been sending you lately have not been from Florida. They’re them from Texas. So I don’t know if Texas has caught Florida’s…
Casey:
I don’t think I’ve gotten any links of yours…
Jeff:
Damn it.
Casey:
So I don’t know what you’re talking about. What kind of links are you talking abt?
Jeff:
Texas could be the new Florida is all I’m saying.
Casey:
What? Why?
Jeff:
I’m just saying.
Casey:
Explain yourself. You can’t just say that on the podcast.
Jeff:
I’m saying it. I’m feeling that Texas might be the new Florida.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
I’ll give you some… I’ll back it up.
Casey:
Why would you say that on the podcast without any backup and then… So the listeners can’t get this backup and you’ve told me…
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
And now you’re not actually even providing a single example.
Jeff:
Well, that’s because you haven’t gone to my links. You have failed. You have fallen down in your podcast duties…
Casey:
That’s not any duty of mine.
Jeff:
Yes, you have to go to the links.
Casey:
No, I’m not going to those links.
Jeff:
How are you going…
Casey:
I’m not going to those links. I’m through going to those links.
Jeff:
Wait.
Casey:
I don’t need to see another dude get his head shit on by an elephant, okay?
Jeff:
No. Stop it.
Casey:
I’ve seen it enough, alright.
Jeff:
Stop it.
Casey:
It’s at the point now where listeners are writing in. Somebody sent a goddamned chimpanzee ice skating video, alright?
Jeff:
That was freaking awesome.
Casey:
That’s where we’re at now.
Jeff:
You have to admit that was awesome.
Casey:
It wasn’t awesome.
Jeff:
It was awesome.
Casey:
I don’t care about that. I don’t even care about humans ice skating. Why would I care about chimpanzees ice skating?
Jeff:
Well, see that was… For me, that would make the Olympic ice skating… That would win the Olympics…
Casey:
Oh, okay. In Jeff’s world, if all the Olympics were done by animals of some kind…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Then it’s like, “Okay, this is awesome. I’m watching the whole thing.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“I want that new thing they’ve got on Microsoft Silverlight where I can watch 4 events at once was their big… Right?”
Jeff:
Totally.
Casey:
Yeah. Okay.
Jeff:
That would be…
Casey:
Yeah. It would be like, “Ooh, parrots in one corner. Oh, snakes in the other corner. What’s that? An iguana up there?”
Jeff:
I had a great Silverlight experience just the other day. I go to the Olympics site and they’re like, “To access the fancy features of this site…”
Casey:
The Olympics, yeah.
Jeff:
“You have to install Silverlight.” I didn’t want to do that. And the site I’d gone to was “Cheerleaders in China Turning Heads”.
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
Yeah, that’s what the name of the story was.
Casey:
This was off of, like, Digg or Reddit or something, you mean?
Jeff:
No, this was on… No, it’s MSNBC. That was the…
Casey:
Okay. That was the headline in…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And the little picture was a newscaster who’s gonna be talking about this.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Okay. So it says, “Do you want to install Silverlight?” So I say no. And so, it pops me to some downgraded site…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
That’s just Flash…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It’s so downgraded that the video clip is cut down. There’s no newscaster on it.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
There’s no descriptive text. Like it’s usually, on MSNBC, there’s an article and then a video window up in the corner.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
All the text is gone. All it is is a video and it looks like the raw video of the cheerleaders gyrating. So the link without Silverlight was, like, straight, black coffee version…
Casey:
I’m a little confused here. Let’s back it up a little bit.
Jeff:
Back it.
Casey:
Right. There’s a couple things that I’m confused about. We’ll start with the part that I’m not so much confused about as upset about, right.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So last week, okay, you were reading things on the internet.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Okay, you’re going through your internet things.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Alright?
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
And it’s like, “Oh, okay. Here’s a cockatoo that sings the national anthem or something,” right. You’re like, “Okay, we’ll send that to Casey.”
Jeff:
That’s boring. No. It has to be roller skating…
Casey:
Right. They’re like, “Oh, here’s zero G chimps in space. That’s a good one for Casey. He’ll get that one. Chinese cheerleaders gyrating…” Didn’t make the cut, okay. You’re like, “I’m not gonna send the one of the women dancing around to Casey because why would he want to watch that when he could be watching, right, like parrot hides from camera.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right? Or something. That’s where you’re… You’re like, “Good. That’ll be good. He’ll enjoy that a lot.”
Jeff:
Or is it…
Casey:
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Jeff:
The dramatic kitty. Remember the dramatic kitty?
Casey:
Yeah, right. You sent me a cat that looks at the camera.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It looks at the camera. That’s the video.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Cat is looking away from the camera. Cat turns towards the camera and it ends. That was the video you sent me.
Jeff:
He kind of widens his eyes…
Casey:
Okay, explain yourself.
Jeff:
Well, I don’t want to give you too many links. I’ve got to…
Casey:
Yeah, I’m not talking about the number of links. I’m talking about which ones you decided to send me.
Jeff:
Because I enjoy sending you links that I know is gonna rile you up. I really…
Casey:
Why would you do that? Why would you do that to somebody?
Jeff:
It’s very simple. I’m sending those links for my own enjoyment, not yours.
Casey:
That is the worst thing. You’re a horrible person.
Jeff:
No, it’s great for me. Sometimes, I know what your response is gonna be just sending it.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Like the dramatic kitty, I knew… I knew that one was gonna be perfect.
Casey:
Yeah, that was terrible.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Alright…
Jeff:
Now the listeners are actually getting in on the act.
Casey:
Yeah, I know…
Jeff:
Ryan sent in…
Casey:
Yeah, it’s great. It’s fine. It’s fabulous. Wonderful. Anyway, you’ve got your sexy cheerleaders. You decide not to forward that to Casey. And now you’re in a Silverlight situation…
Jeff:
Yeah, so Silverlight…
Casey:
So Silverlight would have only removed goodness because it would’ve been a bunch of shit you don’t care about, right?
Jeff:
Why? It was…
Casey:
It would’ve been, like, the newscaster… Don’t care about that…
Jeff:
Exactly…
Casey:
Text? We don’t need to read that…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right? We skipped right to the good part.
Jeff:
That was the awesome part…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Like, Silverlight would be like the parts in the porn movie that connect the sex scenes… You remove Silverlight, it’s just porn, porn, porn, porn.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
It’s perfect. That was the good action.
Casey:
Maybe that’s how Flash can sell it. “Don’t install Silverlight. We give you just the porn parts of the porn.”
Jeff:
Right, exactly.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Yeah, you’d have to come up with some really good slogan for that…
Casey:
Right, right…
Jeff:
“Just the porn.”
Casey:
Right, right.
Jeff:
You know, really short and sweet. No, you didn’t go to any of my links. Well, there was the…
Casey:
I went to the dramatic kitty.
Jeff:
You know what, how about this…
Casey:
Yeah?
Jeff:
The Texan [inaudible 29:51] was gonna talk about was the cheerleaders that got…
Casey:
Huh?
Jeff:
The Texan cheerleaders I think where they…
Casey:
Yes, okay.
Jeff:
The University of Texas…
Casey:
Yeah, you sent me this a couple of weeks ago, actually. Yeah.
Jeff:
And they were cheerleaders…
Casey:
To see how many people could pile into…
Jeff:
So I gave you a little something, right?
Casey:
Yeah, but there was no video.
Jeff:
No, there was no video.
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
That would’ve been awesome, by the way, all the sweaty Texans.
Casey:
Yeah, this would not have been a hot video, though. This would just be an embarrassing video, kind of.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
It was like, stuck in an elevator ‘cos they were way over the weight limit.
Jeff:
And then it…
Casey:
And then it got stuck.
Jeff:
Right. And you know like…
Casey:
They had to call emergency services…
Jeff:
Right. And you know like most of the girls…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Are blaming, like, the one girl on the cheerleading team…
Casey:
Oh, the manager of the team or whatever, like not on the squad…
Jeff:
She’s just like…
Casey:
Yeah, exactly…
Jeff:
Yeah, it’s like, “Goddamn it.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
She had a sandwich.
Casey:
If you’d thrown up in the bathroom like I told you to, we would’ve made it to the 2nd floor.
Jeff:
Right. They even had to wheel some of them out on stretchers because they were passing out, right. It’s just awesome.
Casey:
How much oxygen do you have in an elevator? Does that circulate?
Jeff:
How much oxygen does a cheerleader need, really?
Casey:
Are elevators breathable? Like, what’s the degree of… I mean, I imagine they must be porous, right?
Jeff:
Well…
Casey:
Is there any kind of problem with airflow where the openings in an elevator that allow the air in are too small for 40 people, for example?
Jeff:
I think it was not just that…
Casey:
I’m talking about, like, carbon monoxide poisoning…
Jeff:
Right. And I don’t know if it was just the air quality…
Casey:
Dioxide poisoning, sorry…
Jeff:
It was being crushed because you were… [ Squoze ] in against each other…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So you couldn’t take a big breath even if there was…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Good O2 content.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It’s just a bad scene.
Casey:
Yeah. Well, though that part…
Jeff:
Unless you’re the one guy in the elevator…
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. That’s a great scene. Yeah.
Jeff:
And then you’re just going to town. And Bush was a cheerleader, right?
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
Yeah, he was a cheerleader.
Casey:
What are you talking about?
Jeff:
Bush was a cheerleader.
Casey:
A cheerleader?
Jeff:
That’s right.
Casey:
Is another one of your [inaudible 31:29]
Jeff:
No, he was a male cheerleader so he could’ve been… He would’ve been going to town in that elevator is all I’m saying.
Casey:
No, he wouldn’t have.
Jeff:
What are you talking about?
Casey:
That’s Bill Clinton is our sexual President.
Jeff:
Totally but…
Casey:
George Bush hasn’t hit anything the entire time he’s been in office as far as I can tell.
Jeff:
Oh, he’s hitting something.
Casey:
Either he’s very discreet…
Jeff:
He’s hitting something in China.
Casey:
Yeah, right, right…
Jeff:
He’s going nuts over there.
Casey:
Yeah, maybe in China.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But prior to that…
Jeff:
He’s gonna come home from China with all these memories and start buying things that reminds him of China, right? Like, “Can we rent… Bring up the Netflix. I’m gonna rent me some ‘My Concubine’.”
Casey:
“Curse of the Golden Flower”…
Jeff:
Right. Yeah. He’s totally gonna be working it. You know what I just heard the other day, actually? You remember those, “Beef. that’s what’s for dinner…” Those old commercials with that…
Casey:
Of course…
Jeff:
What’s his name? Sam… The guy in… Aah… I can’t believe I can’t remember right now. The guy in…
Casey:
Yeah, you’re talking about “City Slickers”? That guy?
Jeff:
No. I’m talking about the guy that was…
Casey:
Billy Crystal?
Jeff:
Stop it. You’re not helping.
Casey:
I know.
Jeff:
That would be awesome, if they got someone completely counter to the beef dealing…
Casey:
Right, it’s Andy Dick.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s Andy Dick and he’s doing, like, “Beef. It’s what’s for dinner. Ooh, look at that delicious piece of meat.”
Jeff:
Totally.
Casey:
“Mmm… It’s still jiggly, kind of, a little bit.”
Jeff:
It’s the dude that was in “The Big Lebowski”, that did the voiceover.
Casey:
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah… The cowboy hat guy?
Jeff:
Yeah, he’s just got the super big, deep voice…
Casey:
Alright, yeah. “Beef is what’s for dinner…” Sure.
Jeff:
But now, they have Matthew McConelly doing them.
Casey:
Matthew McConaughey.
Jeff:
Con--… Yeah, McConaughey.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
I think I’m getting my…
Casey:
I don’t know what you’re getting…
Jeff:
That one girl mixed up with him.
Casey:
Jennifer Connelly?
Jeff:
Yes. I’m…
Casey:
That’s just Connelly. That’s not McConnelly.
Jeff:
I know. I mixed up.
Casey:
Okay. Gotcha.
Jeff:
Anyway… Yeah, he’s doing them now. And they’re awesome because there’s kind of this…
Casey:
Yeah, what would that be like?
Jeff:
Smirky sound to the end…
Casey:
Like, “Dude, it’s time for some beef,” or whatever.
Jeff:
“Dude, it’s beef. It’s what’s for dinner.” He does this kind of thing where it’s… The cadence is off. I’m like…
Casey:
I’ve got to hear this. Yeah, I haven’t heard this yet.
Jeff:
Yeah, it’s pretty awesome.
Casey:
Is it on the net?
Jeff:
I assume so. I just heard it on the radio.
Casey:
I want to see… Yeah, I definitely want to see this. We’ll have to find the link for it to post it with the podcast because I can’t picture him doing a very convincing beef thing.
Jeff:
Yeah,
Casey:
Like, anything that’s said in a Matthew McConaughey voice is non-specific in my mind, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s like, whatever he says, it’s like whatever’s for dinner. It’s like, “It could be beef, you know, but I’m cool with it if it’s something else.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You know, it’s like, “If we don’t have any beef, we’ll eat chicken for dinner. Or you know what, we’ll go vegetarian tonight, save the animals,” you know.
Jeff:
“Beef is what’s for dinner and if it’s not there, we’ll get our chicken on.”
Casey:
Exactly. “It’s all cool, baby.”
Jeff:
“It’s all good.”
Casey:
“It’s all cool to me.” Well, I don’t really know… I don’t remember what his voice sounds like ‘cos I haven’t seen him in hardly anything.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I just know that his attitude was very sort of aloof and it didn’t matter, right? He wasn’t gonna be, like, concerned about whether beef was for dinner or anything else was for dinner, you know?
Jeff:
Right. I believe he is Texan but he comes off more surfer dude. He’s kinda like, “Chill, dude. Play some bongos.”
Casey:
“Why you all hung up on this beef shit, yo?”
Jeff:
Awesome. Let’s see. What else do you want to talk about? We are very unspecific today.
Casey:
I wanted to talk about some shit but you’ve been monopolizing the whole podcast.
Jeff:
Go.
Casey:
I never got a chance to say anything.
Jeff:
Go.
Casey:
So on Wednesday…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I had a deadline that…
Jeff:
That’s right. How’d that go?
Casey:
Okay. That’s not the story.
Jeff:
Oh, damn it.
Casey:
So, I wanted to play some “Gears of War” Wednesday night.
Jeff:
As a reward?
Casey:
Right? Because, you know, I hadn’t played in, like, 3 weeks or something and I wanted to get some gears on.
Jeff:
Yep. You were jonesing…
Casey:
Now, playing “Gears of War” is always a grotesque misadventure, right. I love it despite itself.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Because A, like, there was never been a network game that was more incompetently programmed than “Gears of War”, right? I’m sorry. Like, hey, I know people on that team. I’m sorry. You fucked it up so hard. I mean, it’s like, it’s the worst.
Jeff:
And you love the game. You love it despite that.
Casey:
It’s a fabulous game. I mean, the multiplayer design of “Gears of War” is great, okay. The programming is atrociously bad, worse than any game I’ve ever played, multiplayer, right. Just… I can’t think of anything they did right, right. It’s bad across the board. It’s just terrible, right. I mean, everything from the lobby (which is non-functional, right, completely non-functional) to the fact that, like, players drop out in the middle of the game and you can’t add new ones in, right (so you have to play to the end of a 4 on 1 gears game or something, right) to the fact that the actual networking code doesn’t work at all (so you’ll oftentimes just be in situations where, like, someone’s holding a different gun than the one that they actually picked up or it’s 5 seconds lag from where you are or nobody has any idea what just happened, just some people died… You’re just like, “Alright…”) To the fact that there’s just blatant bugs where people can crawl outside the map and, like, then the game just has to wait ‘til the timeout period because no one could shoot at that person, right? Or there’s bugs… It’s atrocious, right. They’ve done 4 updates I think to the game and they never fixed any of these things.
Jeff:
Awesome.
Casey:
It’s just ridiculous. I mean, it’s so bad. I’m hoping maybe “Gears of War 2”, they did some work on it but, you know, I doubt that very much.
Jeff:
And yet you play it.
Casey:
Right. But I love the game. It’s a great game. And I think that if you have, like… If you did a LAN party, you know, it’d be cool because all these problems would go away.
Jeff:
Right, I see.
Casey:
Because if someone was fucking crawled out of the map, you’d go beat the shit out of them, right, and that would be the end of that. And also, you wouldn’t have all these problems with the lag and the server bias and all this crap, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And there’d be no [ lobbying ] because you just… Hey, it’s those of us who are playing right here. So anyway, I go to play that and my Xbox boots up, right, and something’s not quite right, right. We’ve got, like, long kind of streaks in the graphics.
Jeff:
Oh, no.
Casey:
You know? And I’m like, “That’s no good.” So I played around with the connectors a little bit, didn’t change anything. I was like, “Huh, I guess I’ll reboot it.” Power it off. Power it back on again. No graphics. Black screen, right, just black screen.
Jeff:
Really?
Casey:
Totally dead, okay. So the Xbox is still running just fine. You can hear the sound. You can move the thing but, like, the graphics has just died. It’s gone, right.
Jeff:
Oh, dude.
Casey:
So I had to buy a new fucking 360, right. There’s nothing you can do. They’re not under warranty anymore, right. You don’t get anything…
Jeff:
Well, I thought the… I thought they would heat the heat death ones forever.
Casey:
I don’t know because it’s not a heat death. The red ring is not there.
Jeff:
Oh, I see.
Casey:
It still runs. The Xbox runs. It’s just it can’t output any graphics, right. So I went on to the website and I put in my serial number. It’s, like, out of warranty.
Jeff:
Man.
Casey:
So, this…
Jeff:
That’s 100%. I don’t know anybody that has…
Casey:
I don’t know anyone who’s had an Xbox 360 that hasn’t had to be repaired.
Jeff:
That’s…
Casey:
And here’s the thing that I’m wondering which is that I wonder if the actual number of Xbox 360’s sold is actually half of what the number is that they have because everyone’s had to buy another one.
Jeff:
That is awesome.
Casey:
You think it’s possible?
Jeff:
Wow.
Casey:
I don’t know very many people who haven’t had to buy a second one at some point, actually.
Jeff:
I don’t know anyone…
Casey:
Lots of people had to get repair…
Jeff:
Now that it’s happened to you, I don’t know anybody that hasn’t had to replace theirs. Now, I don’t know… A lot of them were red rings. So those ones, they do get fixed.
Casey:
Right. Yes.
Jeff:
Mine’s fucking up but I haven’t sent it back yet although I’ve been thinking about doing it before it completely dies and before I think it’s out… I may be out warranty, I guess it’s 18 months.
Casey:
You’d have to put your number in the thing, yeah.
Jeff:
Oh, okay.
Casey:
Well, I bought mine… That’s the weird thing is that I didn’t buy… Mine wasn’t one of the original runs. Mine was bought…
Jeff:
Yeah, that’s true.
Casey:
The… Like, maybe a year and a half after the original Xbox 360 originally debuted. It still blows, right. It still can’t fucking make a…
Jeff:
So how’d you move all your stuff? ‘Cos you have a million saved games. Is that pretty good?
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
I mean, like…
Casey:
You’re confusing the fact that I play all Xbox 360 demos. Period.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
With the fact that I have lots of games on it. I don’t.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
I have bought 4 games for the Xbox 360 in the entire time I’ve… Right?
Jeff:
Oh, I see.
Casey:
And one of them was “Braid”.
Jeff:
Do they translate? Like, does--
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
When you boot up your machine, you type in your stuff and it…
Casey:
Well, it doesn’t move your saved games over.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Right? I think you’d have to do work for that, like plug in the cables. But I don’t care because I don’t have any saved games that matter. And if I have to play through “Braid” again, that’s fine. But I’d already beaten all of “Braid” anyway so that was fine with me.
Jeff:
Did you get the stars?
Casey:
No, that’s not something I would do.
Jeff:
There’s more text so…
Casey:
But that’s not something I would do. Waiting around for a bunch of time while I ride on a cloud or something… That’s not gonna happen.
Jeff:
You should go get them all. I’m gonna try to get them all. I want to see the rest of the text, so… I’m not gonna…
Casey:
You know what the text probably says? It probably says, “Why the fuck are you spending all your time doing this instead of doing something meaningful with your life?”
Jeff:
The problem is I’ve seen the walkthrough in how to get a lot of those…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And it’s probably beyond my play capabilities. Like, one of the things is…
Casey:
Oh, it’s tough.
Jeff:
You have to volleyball one of the bad guys with your head. It’s one of the X access ones…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So when you go to the right, you can keep popping in forward and then he immediately relives…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
So you can bounce him all the way along the level and then up on to something. That… I get to bounce…
Casey:
How did people figure that out?
Jeff:
I don’t know how they got them all.
Casey:
I mean, did something leak that let them… ‘Cos there’s no way you could really figure that out just from looking, is there? Or maybe there is…
Jeff:
Well, the first…
Casey:
I’ll go back and see.
Jeff:
The first star apparently shows up in the level screen.
Casey:
What’s the level screen?
Jeff:
Well, where all the puzzle pieces are. His house… You know, his house with the ladder.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
There’s a star that shows up in one of the puzzles…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And then you climb up on to it doing the trick, using that one that has a surface.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You jump up on to that. And then, you use it to raise yourself up so, like, you jump and then press B, slide the puzzle up…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You do that…
Casey:
Well, actually, that’s how do it to get the puzzle piece in the actual level.
Jeff:
Right, right. You have to do that, too. But this is something within this main screen there in the room. There’s a star there. You get that one and then you’re like, “Oh, there’s stars.” But the other ones are off-screen…
Casey:
But I saw the walkthrough, the one you’re talking about. And you had to, like, put a puzzle together in a very specific way that’s totally counterintuitive to even get that star to show up. So I’m not sure how anyone would ever figure that out.
Jeff:
Okay. Yeah. As far as knowing that that was available…
Casey:
Yeah, how did anyone know about these is what I want to know. I don’t understand. It’s like, shocking to me that that is possible.
Jeff:
Jonathan4000. . . Maybe he’s, like, lurking on some site and he knows a lot about the game. He’s like, “Hey, have you guys gotten his stars?”
Casey:
Oh, right. It’s like he’s intentionally seeded these kind of cryptic clues or something…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Anyway… Moving on… So my Xbox 360 died so I had to buy a new Xbox 360 which didn’t thrill me, I’ll be honest with you. Not pleased, right? But that brings me to the point that I bought one of those new fancy schmancy black ones, right…
Jeff:
Oh, that’s got the HDMI and stuff?
Casey:
It has HMDI on it. And so now, I’m wondering… Here’s the thing is what do I get? ‘Cos I need to buy a new monitor. My monitor’s dying, like, the phosphor--… Not, Phosphor--… The LCD doesn’t change very… When you change a pixel from one color to another, it takes a long time to move to that color.
Jeff:
Oh, I see.
Casey:
So like, for example, if you have a white window up and then it’s got the edge of the white window or whatever and then you switch windows in front of it, you still see the window…
Jeff:
The line…
Casey:
The whole window behind it with the text and everything. And then, it kind of goes away over maybe a minute of time.
Jeff:
Yeah. You’re losing your action.
Casey:
So I need to buy a new monitor. But the question is what do I buy so that I can have an HDMI input for my Xbox and a dual-link DVI for my computer that is a good monitor.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Like, there was a Gateway one they just released but I saw bad things about, like, bad blackouts that it had or whatever. So I need to find a good monitor.
Jeff:
I think the high-end Dell… So the Dell now has 2 30-inch monitors.
Casey:
Right, one has inputs and one doesn’t.
Jeff:
Right. And I think the high-end one has a display port and an HDMI.
Casey:
What’s a display port?
Jeff:
Display port’s kind of their “computer input of the future”.
Casey:
Of the future?
Jeff:
Yeah, like, it’s the one that’s gonna replace dual-link DVI with a better cable. It’s nice. It’s thin. It’s not this big heavy…
Casey:
So it’s just like… But why aren’t they just using HDMI, then? Because HDMI is not high enough? Not bandwidth enough?
Jeff:
HDMI will barely get to 1080p and we’re already…
Casey:
We’re already past that. Yeah.
Jeff:
Like, that screen is above that, right?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So, yeah, display port is that. And also, display port doesn’t have any royalties and stuff…
Casey:
Ooh.
Jeff:
But it also doesn’t carry audio, though…
Casey:
Oh.
Jeff:
Which is my favorite part of HDMI…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Is…
Casey:
I had an “Oooh… Aww…”
Jeff:
Yeah, you did. You kind of went… You get them both in the same thing…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
But you’re all up and running on the new one now or you just got plugged in the old monitor?
Casey:
What? The old 360?
Jeff:
No, the new 360.
Casey:
Yeah, the new 360 I just replaced the old 360 with it, yeah.
Jeff:
Cool. Very good. Mind gets so hot now, I have it, like… Between it and the little HD player that’s on it…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It just roasts in there.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It’s unbelievably hot. So…
Casey:
In where?
Jeff:
In the little…
Casey:
In the little cabinet or something?
Jeff:
Yeah, in the cabinet that it’s in. And the PlayStation is fine. It never gets hot because nobody probably can use it up…
Casey:
Do you ever turn it on? Yeah.
Jeff:
I use the PlayStation way more, actually.
Casey:
So you play Blu-rays on it or something?
Jeff:
Yeah, movies and just media stuff, so…
Casey:
I see.
Jeff:
So yeah…
Casey:
Drobo?
Jeff:
I could unplug the HDMI because I am fully Drobo-ed so I could do that so… I just haven’t done it yet. I haven’t done it yet. I did watch a movie, though, this week.
Casey:
What did you watch?
Jeff:
I watched “Autofocus”. Have you heard of this?
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
It’s by the director… Everyone thinks he’s awesome and I think he’s terrible. I can’t remember his name. Paul something…
Casey:
George Lucas?
Jeff:
Yeah, that, too. It’d be awesome if he directed this ‘cos this was about Bob Crane, the “Hogan’s Heroes” dude…
Casey:
I’ve never seen “Hogan’s Heroes”.
Jeff:
You’ve never seen a single episode?
Casey:
Not only have I not seen…
Jeff:
Oh, God…
Casey:
So “A-Team” and “Hogan’s Heroes” are two shows of which I have never seen even a section of an episode.
Jeff:
Wow, okay.
Casey:
As opposed to “MASH” where I have seen a whole episode but I have seen a part of an episode of “MASH”.
Jeff:
I see. I got you.
Casey:
There’s a whole set of shows that are just, like, in the popular culture that, for some reason or another, I never saw any of.
Jeff:
Missed? I see.
Casey:
Now, granted, some of them were just not… They were before my time, right. “A-Team”, “Hogan’s Heroes”… I don’t think… I think those were before my time. But they would certainly be playing in reruns and I just never saw a rerun for whatever reason.
Jeff:
Yeah. Right, that’s what I was gonna say. Like, “A-Team” didn’t have a lot of reruns but “Hogan’s Heroes” was like… Hey, it’s what you get when you want to pay a quarter for half an hour and just [inaudible 46:19] Throw it on, baby.
Casey:
Here’s “Hogan’s Heroes”.
Jeff:
The thing was t was a reasonably high-rated show. I don’t think it was ever number 1 but I mean, it was in the popular culture.
Casey:
What’s it about?
Jeff:
A prisoner of war camp in Germany and it’s a comedy.
Casey:
What the fuck? Nazis aren’t funny. I’ll say it again. They’re not funny.
Jeff:
Well, that’s… They actually make fun of that a little bit in the movie where they’re like… They’re like…
Casey:
Movie?
Jeff:
In the show, “Autofocus”, which is about the guy when he becomes popular and stuff through that time. They’re like, you know, “Who should play Nazis if it’s not us Jews?” Because all of the actors on the show all happen to be Jewish.”
Casey:
Right, right.
Jeff:
But anyway…
Casey:
That’s funny.
Jeff:
Yeah. Anyway, it turns out… So he’s America’s… Like, he was popular. He seemed like a real clean-cut guy.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Turns out, he was a full-on sex addict, just out of control. And you’re talking about taking the sexy out of sex…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Boy.
Casey:
What do you mean?
Jeff:
He did. He did.
Casey:
What do you mean “taking the sexy out of sex”?
Jeff:
He was an addict.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And if he didn’t find somebody…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
He was gonna fuck somebody at the end of the night.
Casey:
Okay, I see.
Jeff:
So it was just… And he wasn’t doing it out of, like, he loves women or this…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
He’s just a freak. He’s just like, “I have to do this,” right?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
He’s an addict in all the ways.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Right?
Casey:
But what does that actually mean? I mean, humans are, by definition, sex addicts in the sense that, like, that’s how they reproduce. I mean, everyone has to want to have sex or we would be a dead species.
Jeff:
It’s a different thing for people who they consider… I mean…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
What was the book? Was it “Choke” that was about the sexual…
Casey:
I mean, is a sex addict just another way of saying masturbationally-challenged? Like, the dude doesn’t know how to… Like, if you could sit him down for an hour, Jeff, and say, “Here’s some of my Angelina Jolie movies…”
Jeff:
No. That’s not it.
Casey:
Would he be okay?
Jeff:
No, it’s not that.
Casey:
Or is it just like… What?
Jeff:
No, it’s… Look, you need to be at work at 9 or you’re gonna be fired.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
If at 8:50 he sees a girl walk by…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
That, like, he wants to fuck…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
He doesn’t care. There is nothing that will prevent him from trying to hook up with her.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
He has no control over… They basically have no control over…
Casey:
I see.
Jeff:
They have no foresight… I mean, this is what he’s focused on.
Casey:
So the problem is if he never became famous, it probably wouldn’t have been so bad because the available pool of women to sleep with would have been smaller for him…
Jeff:
That’s a big…
Casey:
Which would sort of keep it under control. But once he’s famous, now everyone wants to sleep with him and he’s just like… It’s like a kid in the candy store, right? [ Bull in a ] shop or whatever you want to say.
Jeff:
That’s exactly what the movie’s about.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Is him… He meets a guy…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Who’s kind of a sleazeball, played by William Defoe.
Casey:
Now, will he only have sex with women or is it just anything?
Jeff:
Yeah. Right.
Casey:
He’ll put it in anything?
Jeff:
Just women.
Casey:
Just women.
Jeff:
But there’s this sleazeball that’s kind of into all the swingers clubs and all that…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Couldn’t get a woman if his life depended on it…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
They became friends and kind of…
Casey:
Symbiotic relationship.
Jeff:
Totally co-dependent relationship. And eventually, when Crane finally realized that he’s gonna have no career… Everyone knew on the down-low that, like, “Dude, he’s a liability,” because eventually this is gonna come out.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
He was not shy about it.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And so, he couldn’t get work. So he finally tried to break it off with this John Carpenter and said, “Look, I can’t be in this scene anymore.” And he allegedly killed him. John Carpenter ends up bludgeoning him to death with a tripod.
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
That’s how… That’s what happened in real life is Bob Crane was killed.
Casey:
John Carpenter, the director?
Jeff:
No, it’s a different…
Casey:
Oh, okay. I was, like, shocked. I’m like, the guy who made “Escape from LA” and New York and whatever…
Jeff:
No, no, no. This is another guy. He’s a really creep-o dude.
Casey:
Wow, okay.
Jeff:
And he always claimed his innocence and they were never able to find physical evidence of this happening but they’re positive that it was him.
Casey:
Never able to find physical evidence of bludgeoning with a tripod?
Jeff:
They couldn’t find the tripod…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
They found some blood in his car which he said was something else. DNA was not so good 20 years ago. So they weren’t able to prove it. By the time they did have it, they didn’t preserve it properly. The dude was just totally lucky.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
He ended up dying 5 years later from cancer anyways…
Casey:
So it didn’t matter?
Jeff:
So he didn’t have a long time on the outside, regardless.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
But anyway, the movie was really about their relationship and this flawed sort of relationship.
Casey:
Yeah. Was this a good film?
Jeff:
No, I didn’t think it was that good. It was okay. But what I wanted to talk about after all that explanation was this…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Is that his family…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Bob Crane’s family… As a lot of times when they do these biopics, they come out and say, “That’s not how he was.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
“It’s completely misrepresenting how he was.”
Casey:
Yeah. Not this time? They’re just like, “Yeah, he fucked everything.”
Jeff:
No, they came out. They said, “No, this is completely… This is not how it was,” you know. And you’re like, “Oh, okay.” You go to the kid’s website, like, Bob Crane Junior or whatever…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And he’s not saying that, like, “No, he was really a good guy.” He’s saying, “No, in the movie, they make him out to be like a family man that then turns into a sex addict.”
Casey:
Oh, man, he’s like… He was always a sex addict.
Jeff:
He was a sex addict all along.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
He was showing people pictures. In the 1950’s… One of the quotes was, “In the 1950’s, my dad had a video of a girl drinking a cup full of semen. He was way ahead of his time.”
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
He was proud that his father was doing hardcore shit years ago. And he was mad that they toned that down.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
I’m like, “What a fucked up family. This whole family is completely…”
Casey:
2 Cranes 1 Cup?
Jeff:
Right. 2 Cranes 1 Cup. It is insane.
Casey:
Or 2 Girls 1 Crane, I guess.
Jeff:
That’s what it usually seems to be but… Anyway, I got such a kick out of his kid being morally outraged that they didn’t show him as even a bigger freak than he was.
Casey:
Well, I can understand that because, I mean, the bottom line is if you have a talent, you know, then you deserve to be recognized for that talent…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And if that talent happens to be, you know, semen chug filming or whatever… I don’t know what exactly you want to call that…
Jeff:
Pornography collector…
Casey:
And people are not recognizing your contribution to that genre…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Then, you know… I mean, yeah, are your progeny gonna be upset about this? Why not? Right? I mean…
Jeff:
I suppose so.
Casey:
It’s just a standard kind of thing.
Jeff:
Yeah. I had read that, like, he was upset and I went to the site, expecting the complete opposite — “No, he wasn’t a scumbag. No…”
Casey:
It was like, “No, he’s way scummier than that.”
Jeff:
Yeah, “He’s way scummier than that, damn it.”
Casey:
You’re selling him short.
Jeff:
Goddamn it.
Casey:
He’s scum-shorted. You scum-shorted him. He’s been scum shorted.
Jeff:
You prematurely scummed him.
Casey:
He got schort-scummed.
Jeff:
Yeah. Stop it. Since this is the tangent cast, so far…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
What about that movie trailer we saw where they said, “From the writers of ‘Transformers’,” where they were proud of that…
Casey:
I don’t know who does that. That wasn’t a movie trailer, thought. That was a TV show trailer, right…
Jeff:
Oh, for the “Lost” guy…
Casey:
For JJ Abrams’ new thing. It’s called, like, whatever the fuck.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Yeah. But JJ Abrams has kind of an interesting distinction for me, actually, which is that he is someone who has managed to never make anything that I did not think was terrible.
Jeff:
Right. You don’t like him.
Casey:
He has a perfect 100% track record of producing crap, right.
Jeff:
Yeah. And not for me…
Casey:
He’s in… Like, there are very few people like maybe Michael Bay is in there, right. There’s very few people who can occupy that space of, like, literally, you’ve never done anything I didn’t think was trash, right.
Jeff:
Right. And I liked all of his stuff, really.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I liked “Lost”. I liked “Felicity”. I liked “Alias”. I liked “Clover Field.” I didn’t like his “Mission Impossible” movie.
Casey:
That was real bad.
Jeff:
Yeah, that was terrible. Wow, was that crazy bad.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
But yeah…
Casey:
So…
Jeff:
You’ll get to try the new “Star Trek”. He’s doing the new “Star Trek”, the reboot.
Casey:
You know, I have such a fondness for Nicholas Myer, you know. And I think because, like, honestly, science fiction films… “Star Trek 2” is probably one of the only science fiction films I’ve ever liked. “Serenity” was good, too. I liked that one.
Jeff:
Yeah, I liked “Serenity”, too.
Casey:
But you know, other than that, I can’t really think of (offhand) any science fiction films that I would watch, you know…
Jeff:
Right. Right.
Casey:
They’re just no good. So I have to say that it’s kind of sad when “Star Trek” kind of went downhill because, like, I actually liked most of the Nicholas Myer ones. You know, I liked 2. I liked 4. I mean, I didn’t really like 4.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It’s a pretty pale shadow of 2 but, like, I like his film for some reason. And 2 was just so good that I was like, you know…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I absolutely loved it. It doesn’t ever seem like they’re ever gonna get that back again. Now, if it’s JJ Abrams, what we’re basically gonna end up with is, like, a 2 and half hour-long “Star Trek” that is so complicated it involves every fucking race in the galaxy doing, like, 50 million different things that you’re just gonna have to have some massive graph on a fan site somewhere to even fucking figure out what supposedly was going on during the film. That’s what’s gonna end up happening.
Jeff:
I love “Star Trek” so I’m hoping it’ll be good.
Casey:
You like just in general all the “Star Trek’s” you mean?
Jeff:
Yeah, I did.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
I was gonna say I didn’t watch them all but I did.
Casey:
But what does that mean, though? ‘Cos “Star Trek” had so many versions. How could you say you watched them all? Did you watch, like, all the episodes of, like, “Enterprise…”
Jeff:
I watched them all.
Casey:
And “Deep Space 9” and like…
Jeff:
By saying that, I mean literally that.
Casey:
Oh, really?
Jeff:
I’ve seen them all.
Casey:
See, I’ve never seen any of those.
Jeff:
I liked “Voyager”. I’ve seen “Deep Space 9”…
Casey:
See, I’ve never seen any of those. I’ve never seen “Voyager” or “Deep Space 9”.
Jeff:
I didn’t super love “Deep Space 9” but I still watched it…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And then, I even watched “Enterprise” so…
Casey:
I see. You know, I’ve never seen any of those. I don’t know if they’re supposed to be any good or not but I liked some… I mean, the show is okay, I thought…
Jeff:
Right,
Casey:
You know, I saw, like, some next generation and I saw some of the originals. And they’re fine but, you know, I never really thought that they were great like I thought was great
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
The movie, you know. I thought that kind of transcended out of the their little, like, stick that they had to some degree.
Jeff:
Right. I liked “Primer” a lot.
Casey:
Do you count “Primer” as science fiction? I guess so.
Jeff:
Yeah, I feel so.
Casey:
It’s like hard science fiction.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It’s like 2001 kind of science fiction, only good.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Yeah, “Primer” was decent.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I don’t classify “Primer” in the same category, though, because “Primer” was not a very good film, actually. It’s just a good, thorough concept. But, like, as a movie, it’s really not very entertaining to watch. You know…
Jeff:
I still like it.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I do like it. I don’t know what happened to him. He was awesome ‘cos he did all that stuff himself. I don’t know what he’s doing next.
Casey:
Is he even doing anything next?
Jeff:
I thought he was going straight into something else. You know who I heard is doing a science fiction movie that sounds really good to me?
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
Do you remember “Brick”? That awesome movie about…
Casey:
Oh, yeah.
Jeff:
That was, like, the quick…
Casey:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jeff:
With the…
Casey:
The film… Our high school flick.
Jeff:
Terrific movie.
Casey:
That was a good film.
Jeff:
Absolutely great movie.
Casey:
I liked that. Yeah.
Jeff:
I just got it on DVD, actually. He’s coming out with a new movie on October.
Casey:
That’s a young guy, right?
Jeff:
Yeah, very young.
Casey:
Young director in his 20’s or something?
Jeff:
Yeah. And he’s kind of that that super lush production style like, he’s able to get a lot of stuff… It feels a little Wes Andersen-y in the sense of his production design.
Casey:
I see.
Jeff:
Anyway, he’s doing a new movie in October. And then, his movie after that’s gonna be a sci-fi movie. This is the craziest podcast. There’s been no…
Casey:
It’s not my fault.
Jeff:
We’re recording ourselves just chatting.
Casey:
But that’s what the podcast was supposed to be. You’ve been too heavily producing it lately. It’s like a… You know when the band gets a new producer…
Jeff:
[ Makes a mistake ]?
Casey:
And it’s like all way too heavily overproduced…
Jeff:
Yeah. I can’t do anything with this one…
Casey:
That’s you. You’re doing that.
Jeff:
I can’t do anything with the wall of sound on this one.
Casey:
Yeah, I know. But you are the wall of sound, right?
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
I think it’s good to get back to the raw feel.
Jeff:
Yeah, well, this is raw alright.
Casey:
Yeah. So Mr. Roberts…
Jeff:
Yes, my friend?
Casey:
I have to say that of all the things that we do on the podcast, it is clear to me week after week that Good/No Good is the section that everyone loves.
Jeff:
I don’t understand.
Casey:
The world loves it.
Jeff:
Where’s the love for our skits that take 10 times longer?
Casey:
You know, the people have chosen, you know.
Jeff:
It’s so crazy.
Casey:
It is not up to you to understand what they like. It’s up to you to give them what they like.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Okay. That is your role as entertainer.
Jeff:
Okay. I get so stressed in the beginning here because I don’t know where you’re going and I never know if I’m gonna have something.
Casey:
But that’s okay. It comes out… It’s gold. It’s golden every time. You see what I’m saying to you?
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Alright. So I thought this time around, since we’ve kind of gone through some different phases of Good/No Good. I thought this time, I might go with things that are a little more abstract…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
To see how your brain maps things that are, at least I hope, not things that are intimately Good or No Good in your personal experience.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
To see how you decide whether they’re Good or No Good, you know what I’m saying?
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
That’s basically what I was thinking.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Okay. Good or No Good — Monocles. They’re like glasses but there’s only one side of them, right. There’s like only the left side has a lens.
Jeff:
Totally. Yeah.
Casey:
Good or No Good?
Jeff:
I’ve seen these, actually. I was gonna tell you about that, like, a couple weeks ago. I saw somebody down at the purple café down there where all the cool people eat and stuff.
Casey:
Right. Oh, yeah.
Jeff:
There was a dude who was, like, a server who was wearing a fucking monocle, right…
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
And so… No, they’re absolutely No Good.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
I can go a lot of angles with this one.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
First off, for the wear, you look like a douche, right.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
It’s kind of like…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It’s kind of like a Bluetooth headset for your eye, right?
Casey:
Sophistication fail.
Jeff:
Right, exactly.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And the other thing is if you’ve ever tried to do anything monocle style like a quarter or something, you have to kind of flex… I bet his cheek is so fucking tired at the end of the day….
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You know, ‘cos it’s hard.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You’re kind of doing something you’re not used to, as well.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And which makes you squint which probably affects your eye sight which is why you have the fucking monocle. Take the monocle out and you won’t need it. So No Good. I say No Good on monocles.
Casey:
And I couldn’t agree more.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
No Good. Okay.
Jeff:
Here’s something, why don’t they have… You know, glasses have sunglasses which are the cool versions of glasses.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
How come there’s no, like…
Casey:
Sun-monocle…
Jeff:
Like, hipster-style monocles, right…
Casey:
I bet there are.
Jeff:
And their crazy square, like… You know, long…
Casey:
Or they’re tinted. They’re sun monocles, right? So that that eye doesn’t have to squint into the sun.
Jeff:
Right, but the other one…
Casey:
But you’re already squinting to hold the monocle in but that’s beside the point.
Jeff:
Because that should’ve been picked up by the hipster crowd, they’re like…
Casey:
You’d think.
Jeff:
“You know what, I’m so disaffected. I don’t even wear full hipster gear. I only wear half.”
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
Like, who are you? Fucking Two-Face, you goddamn emo dick. Stop it.
Casey:
Awesome.
Jeff:
That’s all I have for you.
Casey:
Oh, my God. Alright.
Jeff:
That’s weird because I did see one and all I thought was, “Man, no tip for him if he was serving me.”
Casey:
No, give him half the tip.
Jeff:
That’s awesome. That’s right.
Casey:
Okay. So moving on, trying to get more out there… Triceratops. You know it. It’s basically… It’s a dinosaur. It’s got kind of a shield around its neckpiece…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Like a big bony piece…
Jeff:
And it’s spiky on top?
Casey:
And it has 2 horns coming out of the normal horn location but then a third horn coming out, as well.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
So it’s kind of like a big armored rhinoceros. Good or No Good?
Jeff:
Are those the ones that they call Trikes?
Casey:
Maybe. I don’t know.
Jeff:
Right. I think they call them Trikes.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Okay. Any dinosaur that has a cutesy name like that…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Is No Good.
Casey:
Okay, that’s No Good.
Jeff:
Right?
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
They’re vicious animals. We don’t call them cute names.
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
That’s like people that name their pitbull Daisy.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It’s not Daisy.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It’s a man-eating killer.
Casey:
Petunia was a great pitbull name I’ve seen. Yeah.
Jeff:
Yeah. So they stab, like, their prey with that?
Casey:
No, it’s a goring defense.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
It comes up and it goes…
Jeff:
So, yeah. That’s really awesome. So you stab your shit. It’s above your little walnut head…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And you can’t eat any of it. It’s just gonna be up there and you’re gonna be staring up, slowly starving. Way to go. No wonder you died out. No Good.
Casey:
No Good?
Jeff:
No Good.
Casey:
Alright, triceratops — No Good.
Jeff:
No. No Good.
Casey:
Alright, I threw a curveball here.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Triceratops is the weird one.
Jeff:
So that was a weird one. I had to think about it.
Casey:
That was a weird one. I got you. The Fonz, Good or No Good?
Jeff:
Okay. Have you seen “Happy Days”, growing up?
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
And I only saw a little bit but, you know, “Happy Days”, he’s the guy with the leather jacket…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
The Fonz…
Jeff:
I watched…
Casey:
He was a…
Jeff:
I watched “Happy Days”, growing up.
Casey:
He was the TV version of Harrison Ford’s character in “American Graffiti”.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Okay. So let’s just say this. If you watched this as a grownup.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Okay. The Fonz is the gayest dude…
Casey:
Are you serious?
Jeff:
Ever.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Okay? And he’s totally covering for it.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
If you re-watch this show…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You’re like… Everything he does, like with the girls, everything… Like, they never show him do shit. That’s always off-camera.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It’s totally compensation.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Okay. First off…
Casey:
So you think it’s all empty claims?
Jeff:
Yes. And secondly, like… He’s thin. He’s very… He’s not like a greaser. He never has a smudge on his shirt or his jeans.
Casey:
It’s very meticulous. Yeah.
Jeff:
He’s very meticulous. His hairs just show. He’s clean-shaven. He’s also, like, fucking 15 years older than all of the teenage boys he’s hanging out with…
Casey:
Yep, that’s a good point.
Jeff:
Right?
Casey:
That’s a good point.
Jeff:
So yeah, I guarantee you him and [inaudible 63:48] were in the backseat plenty of times.
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
Plenty of times. So no, like…
Casey:
Is that Good or No Good?
Jeff:
Fonz not coming out and tricking all of America is Good.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Right? That is good.
Casey:
So Fonz gets thumbs up?
Jeff:
Fonz tricking all of America into loving the non-biker gayness is awesome.
Casey:
Wow, we’ve had some Goods there. This is great.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
We’re breaking out of the mold.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
I love it. Okay. I’ll give you one more.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Let’s try to get mostly Goods then this time. Let’s see.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
I’ll give you one that I think should be good, then.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
The ice cream truck.
Jeff:
Oh, my goodness. You know I love the ice cream truck.
Casey:
Do I? I don’t know. Good or No Good?
Jeff:
Really?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You’ve never seen me?
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
If I hear that in your neighborhood, I will sprint out of the house.
Casey:
Really?
Jeff:
The ice cream truck, they have root beer popsicles…
Casey:
Oh…
Jeff:
That’s exceptional.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
They have little ro--… I bought you the rocket ones. Remember the rocket, like…
Casey:
Yeah. I know you have used an ice cream truck. You’ve used all of the things that have been on the Good/No Good list…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Most of them still end up being on No Good. I was expecting something like, “That song — No Good.” Right? I’m just like… I don’t know.
Jeff:
I love the whole thing.
Casey:
Okay. Across the board?
Jeff:
Yes. I love the whole thing. Yeah, I think ice cream trucks…They should sell everything.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Like, there should be trucks playing and the music should be different.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Like, if I hear, like, mariachi music…
Casey:
Fur Elise is ice cream. Mariachi is burrito.
Jeff:
I run out and I get burritos.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
I’d never have to leave my house.
Casey:
I see.
Jeff:
I want the food-carrying trucks to come through my neighborhood all the time.
Casey:
Right. Yes.
Jeff:
Screw ice cream. Ice cream’s for the kids. I want something for me.
Casey:
Now…
Jeff:
They ought to serve beer that way and they’d have a huge business.
Casey:
That’s a very good point.
Jeff:
Just drive around with an open board and it’s like…
Casey:
Very good point. And you know what, if people started building their houses closer to the street, you could just have a window…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
And it would be like the opposite of a drive-through.
Jeff:
Reverse drive-up.
Casey:
Right? It’s like…
Jeff:
We’ll get even fatter as a country.
Casey:
It’s like the thing comes up to your window, hands you food through the window, into your home, and then drives away. Yeah.
Jeff:
That would be so my dream.
Casey:
In fact, how does America not have this?
Jeff:
I know. The reverse drive-through?
Casey:
Now that I think about it…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
[inaudible 65:51] the street. There’s like a little drive-through thing that comes up to your house, right…
Jeff:
Totally.
Casey:
And there’s a big window, a bay window at the front, that they unload your beef into or whatever the fuck, right?
Jeff:
You set up your…
Casey:
How do we not have that?
Jeff:
Easy chair and your big screen TV…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Right by the opening…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And you’re done.
Casey:
You just turn around.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
And there’s, like, this shit there.
Jeff:
Food that comes there.
Casey:
Oh, how do we not have that?
Jeff:
Yeah. No, that… I would love to have ice cream trucks of all food…
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
I love that.
Casey:
And we kind of do have that in Capitol Hill, actually. There’s a couple.
Jeff:
That is extra good.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Is I’m gonna give that extra…
Casey:
There’s the weiner one mobiles and there’s the tacos ones…
Jeff:
But they stop and you have to…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
They stop at, like, a parking lot and you go to…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I want the exact thing…
Casey:
Just keep going around, yeah.
Jeff:
Yeah, driving around. I’d wave at them happily…
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
And then run up there.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
I love it. That is the best Good you’ve ever given me, yes.
Casey:
Excellent. Well, I have something that I should mention which I thought was a little bit odd and I still don’t really know what’s… I feel like I’ve been violated in principle, if not physically, right.
Jeff:
Okay, tell me.
Casey:
Which is I ordered a new elliptical trainer because the old one…
Jeff:
Squeaked…
Casey:
Was, like, the hand-me-down, you know…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It was just too unusable.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
It was unusably loud. It was starting to get to the point where it screeched so loud you could hear it, like, you know, houses next door and so on.
Jeff:
Awesome.
Casey:
It was just ridiculous. So I ordered a new one. And I put it together and whatever. It came with a pretty bad instruction manual, right. There were at least… I’m gonna say probably a hundred different elements that you have to put together, like things that you screw together, right.
Jeff:
Awesome. Right. Do you consider yourself a pretty hand person?
Casey:
There were 4 steps in the instructions.
Jeff:
Wow. So this was, like, “Wow, I’m 25% of the way done when you do one step.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Wow.
Casey:
So it’s pretty funny. But yeah, it’s not that hard to put an elliptical trainer because most of the big parts are already…
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
The complicated elements of an elliptical trainer come pre-assembled. You are not assembling the magnetic resistance drive or whatever the fuck else they claim is in there.
Jeff:
The caterpillar drive.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. You’re not touching any of that shit. You’re just, like, putting the handles on and attaching them to the little scooter pieces and whatever the fuck, right?
Jeff:
I got you.
Casey:
So the situation is I put this whole thing together, okay. And then, I put aside some pieces that I didn’t want to put on, right. There were basically, like… There were sort of, like, garnishment pieces…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Where you’re just basically like, “We’re gonna cover up this assembly with a piece of plastic.” ‘Cos I find that those thing generally just end up being squeaky. Like, they just kind of creek.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
The plastic does. So I didn’t want that shit on there.
Jeff:
Right. You don’t want any squeaking.
Casey:
So I put all that aside. I put the screws aside. But there’s still something left unaccounted for in the box after I put those things aside. And what it is is it’s a white tube, okay. It’s maybe about the size of a tube of toothpaste, so fairly substantial…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Substantially sized… And it looks like a tube of toothpaste, got a little unscrewable cap on the end.
Jeff:
Was it grease or something?
Casey:
Okay… And it just… It’s all white. It’s entirely white except for in big, bold, black letters on the front, it just says, “LUBE”.
Jeff:
Awesome.
Casey:
Now, there is no mention anywhere on the instruction manual, A, that lube is included…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
B, that there are any parts that you should lube or when you should lube them, right… Or C, like, what is acceptable. You can’t just go putting lube on shit, right? That might actually make it perform worse, right?
Jeff:
Really slippery?
Casey:
So I just feel like this is kind of creepy, like…
Jeff:
Well, maybe…
Casey:
You don’t just give someone, right…
Jeff:
A tube of lube.
Casey:
A tube that says lube on it and expect everything to be okay, right? That’s not the way it goes in my mind. That’s unacceptable.
Jeff:
Maybe they think you’re gonna get in such good shape that you’ll need said lube.
Casey:
Yeah, this is the thing, right? I mean, I don’t know. All of the things that I feel about this are bad. Like, I don’t think there’s any way that ends well for me, having a tube of lube around, right? It’s No Good.
Jeff:
So can you use it without it squeaking?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So you don’t need… So it’s really completely redundant lube?
Casey:
I don’t know. Again, even if you don’t want to talk about sort of the weird pseudo sexual aspects of giving a complete stranger a tube that says nothing but lube and then not mentioning it at all, right, just, “Here you go.” “Why are you giving me this tube of lube?” “Huh? What? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” That’s weird, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
If someone did that to you, right, if someone actually handed you a box with some stuff in it like, “Here, you need these…” You pick through it and it’s stuff you actually do need and then a tube of lube, right. You’re freaked out at that point, okay. But ignoring that, let’s ignore that part of it ‘cos that’s pretty creepy, okay…
Jeff:
It sounds like an adventure game.
Casey:
Yeah, right. Oh, yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
You see a tube of lube and you know you need it…
Casey:
It turns out that I have to, like… Yeah.
Jeff:
But you don’t like to pick it up…
Casey:
“This is for when you need to fit through the doggie door later on. We’ll get to that later. Anyway, make sure you have the clothes hanger and the uncooked hotdog with you because those will come in handy, too.”
Jeff:
“Put that in your inventory.”
Casey:
Right. Yeah, exactly. It’ll be great. Anyway… Oh, but make sure you talk to the ghost first at the top of the stairs.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right. ‘Cos otherwise, the latch doesn’t set.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So the important part of this, though, is that even if you ignore that, right… Even if you take all the sexual connotation away of giving someone lube, it’s still bad because it’s like, “Okay, does that mean at some point I’m gonna have to lube something here? You didn’t tell me what I needed to lube,” right? So it’s like, I’m thinking that soon, it’s gonna start squeaking or malfunctioning and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where it’s supposed to go. Was I supposed to put it on beforehand? Is it squeaking because I didn’t lube it? What’s the problem?
Jeff:
The squeaking is what’s gonna start happening… That’s gonna be awesome.
Casey:
So I’m thinking that probably what it is is, like, an excuse. It’s like, “This thing is gonna start squeaking. There’s no way to avoid that. So in order to foist blame on to the consumer…”
Jeff:
“Didn’t you lube it?”
Casey:
Oh, right. “Didn’t you know what to do with the lube? Everyone knows what to do with the lube. Oh, that must be why it’s squeaking. Lube it up. You gotta lube it.”
Jeff:
Maybe the old one is squeaking simply because they tossed the lube. They said, “We don’t need it.”
Casey:
No, the old one was just a piece of shit.
Jeff:
Oh, okay. So it’s a combo?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Oh, man.
Casey:
This one is actually pretty sweet. It even has a little plug that you can put your MP3 player plug in…
Jeff:
Really?
Casey:
And then it plays it out speakers so you don’t even have to put on headphones. It’s pretty sweet.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I’m gonna put, like, the sounds of squeaking on your iPhone and then…
Casey:
I don’t have an iPhone so good luck with that.
Jeff:
How do you play it, then? You don’t have an MP3 player, do you?
Casey:
Yeah, I do.
Jeff:
Oh, okay.
Casey:
I have a little baby one from Creative Labs. It’s like some Zen piece of shit thing.
Jeff:
Oh, okay. Zen.
Casey:
It’s actually way nicer than an iPod because you don’t have to use iTunes.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You can just plug it in and copy your MP3’s on and it plays. It’s like, what a concept.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
I didn’t have to install a driver.
Jeff:
You used to not have to use iTunes either. They have little 3rd party ones that do the right stuff. It’s just now…
Casey:
Oh, even better than installing iTunes is probably some 3rd party driver, like…
Jeff:
Yeah, yeah…
Casey:
Fabulous…
Jeff:
Well, that’s how bad iTunes is is this crazy 3rd party open source thing is better…
Casey:
Right. It’s better. Yeah.
Jeff:
But at the same time, now you have to use iTunes because it’s what handles the apps. It’s not…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I mean, if you’re just doing music, you could sync that way. But you need to hook everything else up and that requires the higher end actions, so…
Casey:
Suck-tacular.
Jeff:
What else have you got? Have you got anything for me?
Casey:
Oh, I got something for you.
Jeff:
Give me some.
Casey:
Yeah. Well, as I think I was talking about earlier, I realized what the gay equivalent is to women’s volleyball, right, ‘cos you know you were talking about the women’s volleyball thing, right?
Jeff:
Yeah. Like, me and George in the front row going, “This is awesome.”
Casey:
Right, right, right. Yes. Now, I’ve got to be honest with you. I have not seen this women’s volleyball action, right. Now, see, in my mind, this is an amateur-pro problem thing here, right. Like, in my mind, if you say to me, “Oh, we’re gonna check out some girls playing volleyball down at Golden Gardens,” or something, right…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So it’s just some girls who are playing volleyball. . . That sounds like thumbs up to me, right?
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
But if you say to me Olympic volleyball team…
Jeff:
It sounds like it’s gonna be scary, huh?
Casey:
Like, I’m thinking they’re gonna be, like, you know, the east German swim team from 1984.
Jeff:
Yeah. Totally. That’s what you think.
Casey:
So in my mind, right, I’m not getting excited about this, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
But obviously, there’s been plenty of sworn testimonials here, not just from you. I’ve had other people say this…
Jeff:
No, it’s…
Casey:
So I gotta check it out at some point, okay.
Jeff:
I don’t know…
Casey:
And that’s fine.
Jeff:
I actually…
Casey:
But…
Jeff:
Well, I was just gonna say that’s an interesting thing about women’s volleyball is not only do, like, Amazonian women that are incredible-looking…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Play it… And there aren’t, like, the other levels… You’d think there’d be all of them just like some… No, it’s like… Some girl comes up and she goes, “Yeah, I want to play some volleyball,” and like, “This isn’t for you.” I don’t know how they…
Casey:
So it’s got a cheerleading thumbs down built into it. It’s like, “No…”
Jeff:
I don’t know what happens.
Casey:
“You’re not good-looking enough.”
Jeff:
They only did that… And they wear… These are athletes.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
These women are strong. And yet, usually, that means they’re going to wear practical clothing for the sport that they wear, right?
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
This is gonna be what makes sense for the sport.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And they’re getting hit by these spiked balls and stuff…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
You’d want, like, something that would…
Casey:
Cushion the blow, right.
Jeff:
Make that… It would hurt, right. They’re wearing the skimpiest… I mean, they are the smallest bikinis you can possibly imagine. It’s insane. So no, it’s all thumbs up. I don’t understand how it exists. Not only that, before each match, they have cheerleaders that…
Casey:
What is the point of that, then?
Jeff:
It’s like, girls jiggling before, girls jiggling during, right? You get it all. It’s like…
Casey:
So they just have something that happens after…
Jeff:
It’s the best fucking sport ever.
Casey:
Yeah. Okay.
Jeff:
Okay?
Casey:
Well, I have not seen this yet so I can’t comment but I will check it out. More important than this is I have found the gay version of this. ‘Cos I did not know what that would be.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
You don’t necessarily know what it would be. ‘Cos I would necessarily have known it would have been volleyball, right, like I was saying before…
Jeff:
Right, right.
Casey:
For guys watching girls. So I was walking to get some tacos last night.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And the taco place happens to be next to a pretty upscale gay bar.
Jeff:
Oh, right, that late night taco place you go to.
Casey:
Yeah, the late night taco place.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And so, I walk by there, right, and they’re just like… Just men, like, a wall of men, right. And they’re all kind of huddled around, right, this big screen TV, watching a men’s swim meet, right?
Jeff:
Oh, of course.
Casey:
And I was like, “Oh, right. That’s gotta be…”
Jeff:
They’re in Speedos.
Casey:
The little tight Speedos, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jeff:
It’s perfect. They’re hairless. They’ve been shaved. Holy shit.
Casey:
Yep. For speed purposes, they’ve agreed to wax down prior to the…
Jeff:
I never even thought about…
Casey:
It’s pretty much… It’s just straightaway, right. So like, that’s what we’re looking for.4
Jeff:
So, like, gay porn, if you put gay porn on, it would always start with like, the swimming team…
Casey:
The swim team.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
“We’re going back to locker room after the swim meet.”
Jeff:
Yeah, totally.
Casey:
Probably.
Jeff:
I never thought about that. Yeah, that totally makes sense.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
They’re going for the gold.
Casey:
Yeah, going for the gold. Woohoo.
Jeff:
That’s awesome.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I never realized that.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And you know that makes, like, Phelps crazy…
Casey:
I mean, you know, this is an extrapolation. I mean, I have one data point, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But it made sense…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
So I was like okay.
Jeff:
Yeah, that… Well, you only have one data point on the women’s volleyball, too, so…
Casey:
No, I have 2.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
A friend of mine was telling me this before, actually.
Jeff:
The same thing?
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
It’s like…
Casey:
Yes. Yeah.
Jeff:
That’s awesome.
Casey:
They were specific. There was, like, “Well, it happened to be Brazil versus Australia and it was really good.” And I was like, “Okay.”
Jeff:
It was Brazilian versus…
Casey:
You know, here’s the thing that I want to know ‘cos this is interesting now. I’d love to collect some data, right, which is I bet that men now are fairly familiar with the women’s volleyball teams, but not necessarily how well they did.
Jeff:
Oh, yeah. I see.
Casey:
Right? Like, they probably don’t really remember the score of the game…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But they do remember which teams were playing. And if they do remember something about, like, who beat who, it’s because they were probably disappointed that a particular team did not advance…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
To a future round for example, right?
Jeff:
I think it would be…
Casey:
That’s what I’m guessing but I don’t really now.
Jeff:
I think it would also be, like, no guy makes it to the end of the match like normal porn movies.
Casey:
“I gotta take a break.”
Jeff:
“I’m gonna take a break. I’ll be back in 5 minutes.” Wooh…
Casey:
Awesome.
Jeff:
“Can you put on some swimming?
Casey:
That would be perfect. I love it.
Jeff:
Alright, we better wrap up. We’re almost out of time anyway. Send us an email at Podcast@JeffAndCasey Show.com.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
We enjoy your emails.
Casey:
Of course we enjoy your emails.
Jeff:
And I want to take a second to say thanks to the person who gave us the No Good t-shirts, whoever you are. That was awesome.
Casey:
Yeah, who gave us the Good/No Good t-shirts?
Jeff:
No one has admitted to it but they’re awesome shirts. I did wear mine last week, actually.
Casey:
I gotta wear now mine now ‘cos they came here to RAD so I only just got mine. I gotta put it in the rotation.
Jeff:
Keep the animal clips coming. Casey loves them. He especially loves them.
Casey:
No, animal clips.
Jeff:
Alright, thanks, everybody.
Casey:
Take it easy.
Jeff:
Bye.
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casey muratori
the jeff and casey show - season 1 - episode 27
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