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The Technician
No Imperfections Noted
The Jeff and Casey Show
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Casey Muratori
Seattle, WA
The Tummy Returns
"I don't want to put a man on the ground and then just give him a hummer, because to me that seems indiscriminate."
Original air date: August 3rd, 2008
Topics. The Mummy. This Week in Politics. This Week in Crime. Amendment quiz. This Week is No Good.
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Transcript
Jeff:
Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Jeff & Casey Show.
Casey:
Welcome to the Jeff & Casey Show.
Jeff:
Yes. We’ve done a lot of these.
Casey:
I think this is one of those things where nobody thought that we could do it.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You know, it’s basically… It’s like the Jeff & Casey Show is kind of like a story about overcoming adversity. And in this case, when I say adversity, I mean apathy which is like nobody thought that we've actually show up to record a podcast every Sunday…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And yet, we have.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Without fail.
Jeff:
Uh-huh.
Casey:
We have done this more reliably than anything else we’ve ever done…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
We have shipped this podcast on time more often than we have ever shipped anything…
Jeff:
Exactly.
Casey:
In either of our histories…
Jeff:
We’re just…
Casey:
I guess you might be able to say that we’re just awesome at it.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I mean, it’s like I don’t know what else to say. It’s obvious that we’re great.
Jeff:
I think…
Casey:
You know… I mean, what can you… When you’re good, you’re good, right?
Jeff:
I think the other way to look at it maybe is we enjoy listening to ourselves talk so much. It’s like saying that, “You know what, I’ve got discipline. Every week, I eat a candy bar.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You’re like, “Well, wait. You like that thing.”
Casey:
“I eat the whole goddamned thing.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I buy it and literally, within 5 minutes, I’ve eaten the whole thing.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It doesn’t even take me an hour.
Jeff:
Exactly.
Casey:
Here’s another thing I think that’s a key to success… Or rather the reliability because success hasn’t occurred yet.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Right? But certainly someday…
Jeff:
We’re secretly huge, though, you know that?
Casey:
Yes, secretly huge. And also, I think eventually, you know, people will look back on this as like kind of, “Well, oh, when did such and such kind of comedy start?” “Oh, well, it was in the Jeff & Casey Show.”
Jeff:
That’s right.
Casey:
Right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
They’ll be going back to episodes of this kind of when they’re looking through the history of comedy, when comics are interviewed on like the Actors’ Studio…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And they’re like, “Where did you 1st learn about this kind of banter.” And they’re like, “Oh, when I was 10, I use to listen to Jeff & Casey Show every week. It was great,” right… So I think all those things are true.
Jeff:
Testicle humor really kind of goes back to us.
Casey:
Right, kicking the testicles…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
That’s where that comes from. Now, the other key, I think, to the reliability of this podcast that is not true… Like, for example, why have I shipped programs late but I don’t ship the podcast late. And I realized what the key to it is. And that is really a complete lack of standards for the podcast, right. So when I sign off on a podcast, there is little or no…
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Right. Sort of judicious restraint there…
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
It’s like, I don’t know what just… Was there an hour to compress to MP3? Yes. Then compress it, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Then that is the key to the success of the podcast. If I was just like, “Does the program compile to an EXE?”
Jeff:
Ship it.
Casey:
Guess what…
Jeff:
I’m done.
Casey:
I’d be on time a lot more often.
Jeff:
That’s awesome.
Casey:
And you know, I think that some successful software companies out there have figured this out, right.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
They’ve gone, “You know what it takes to be on time? It takes low standards.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“So let’s get on that train.”
Jeff:
No, I think…
Casey:
Let’s get on the lowest train and ride it home.
Jeff:
Right. Maybe it’s just like the way we get to shipping is, “Is the UI present for the feature?”
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
It doesn’t have to work. It just has to be there.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Did somebody at some point…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Check off an item that said UI on a list maintained by a program manager?
Jeff:
Done.
Casey:
If so…
Jeff:
Ship it.
Casey:
If it’s not good enough, that’s what version 2 is for. We’ll improve the UI in version 2.
Jeff:
That’s right.
Casey:
Or make it exist in version 2.
Jeff:
So now, everybody is listening to this podcast on the new fancy Casey site, looking at that picture of us that looks like we’re taking a romantic walk on the beach.
Casey:
Well, here’s the thing. Hopefully that picture will not be there because tonight, we’ll be able to take a picture of podcast studios in the way that all the rest of the Molly site is done. At least, that was the idea. So that picture was supposed to be a place holder…
Jeff:
So what you’re saying is… Well, that place holder is very romantic. I don’t think you should change it.
Casey:
Do you think we should move that place holder to some other part of the site so that it’s still there? You’re still gonna see it.
Jeff:
Behind the paid site is where that…
Casey:
Oh, okay. It’s the Jeff & Casey Podcast After Dark site.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I see.
Jeff:
Yeah, there’s this…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
That’s how we’re gonna monetize this whole system.
Casey:
Okay. I get it now.
Jeff:
You see what I’m saying?
Casey:
So basically, you… From previous podcasts, you know, you were looking at it going, “$3,500 a month in internet porn?”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
We can tie into this revenue stream…
Jeff:
Exactly.
Casey:
Right? We can be right there. Christie Brinkley’s husband…
Jeff:
So that’s why that picture’s good because it’s not explicit. It just is a hint.
Casey:
Yeah. Well, there was an explicit version, right…
Jeff:
Yeah, that’s true.
Casey:
There were 2 pictures I had to choose from — either the romantic walk on the beach or the romantic walk on the beach where we were kind of parallel to the camera. You and I were both in the same line of sight…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So you couldn’t see what was going on below our shoulders, right…
Jeff:
Once you cropped it to fit…
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
You just kind of saw these 2 heads and they were one behind the other in a pretty reasonable proximity and it was like, “Huh… I’m not posting that,” right?
Jeff:
That’s awesome.
Casey:
So…
Jeff:
So yes, you can now get all of your Jeff & Casey Show lovin' at JeffAndCaseyShow.com.
Casey:
Yes, you can, JeffAndCaseyShow.com. You can even subscribe to the bonus feed now… You can subscribe…
Jeff:
We have good action…
Casey:
You can podcast the feed that even has all the episodes and the bonuses together. If you just can’t get enough…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
If you will…
Jeff:
Fill your iPod up.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
I actually updated iPhone 2 software.
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
And in doing so, it emptied it out. And I said, “Oh, I’ll put on the podcast.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It takes a long time to download 24 hours of podcast.
Casey:
Yes, it does.
Jeff:
Even without the bonus.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So we’ve generated a massive amount of content. And we appreciate all the listeners listening to it because it makes us happy. We’ve had 3 weeks in a row where some new listener has sent us an email. It makes us happy.
Casey:
Yeah, it’s been fabulous.
Jeff:
I love it.
Casey:
You know what the thing is? We say this a lot on the podcast like please write in or we love the fact that you’re listening in.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
And it occurs to me that I know that you’re not supposed to sound desperate.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
’Cos it turns people off. But we are desperate.
Jeff:
So everyone…
Casey:
Desperate, see.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Totally desperate.
Jeff:
I’m fine with desperation.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I think it’s somewhat attractive. So email us at the new one.
Casey:
Podcast@JeffAndCaseyShow.com
Jeff:
That’s true.
Casey:
We’re vanity.
Jeff:
So email us.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And tell a friend. Tell somebody who doesn’t know about this awesome podcast.
Casey:
Oh, you want viral marketing.
Jeff:
Every week…
Casey:
Yeah. I’m sure that the first thing that everyone who listens to this podcast did this weekend… In fact, probably a lot of them advanced tickets…
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Was go to see “The Mummy: Tomb of the Return of the Dragon Emperor King” or whatever the fuck it’s called, right?
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Because, I mean, movie event of the summer, right?
Jeff:
Totally.
Casey:
Fuck “The Dark Knight”.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
You know… It’s like, no one cares about that. I don’t know who’s in that. Some people…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right. But they were like, “When is the next ‘Mummy’?”
Jeff:
Exactly.
Casey:
You know, “When do we get more ‘Mummy’?” And now, they’ve got more “Mummy”, right. It’s like they’ve got… They thought that they were probably only gonna get 2.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Because Brendan Fraser… I mean, that guy’s in a lot of films, you know. He doesn’t have time to put himself into character.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
He doesn’t like to do this fluffy action pieces, you know.
Jeff:
It takes him a while to come down off a job ‘cos…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
He’s so inhabited…
Casey:
Right, right.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You know, and he’s like, “Oh, yeah. I just got finished doing ‘King Lear’ on the stage.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You know, “Do I really want to chase some stupid fucking mummy around…”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right? So the fact that they got him for a 3rd time, it’s impressive enough.
Jeff:
Totally.
Casey:
Reason to go see the movie enough.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right? But just the fact that usually the mummy just delivers this whole package, right… It’s like, the witty one-liners, you know, that you’re looking for in a summer blockbuster…
Jeff:
Totally…
Casey:
Mummies, right. You know, you can’t…
Jeff:
Well, now, let’s talk about that.
Casey:
Who can put a price on that?
Jeff:
Well, wait, let’s talk about that.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
We watched the last 45 minutes of “The Mummy”.
Casey:
Right. Now, call me a Philistine but I have to admit the fact that I don’t actually know the difference between “The Mummy” and “The Mummy Returns”. It could’ve been either, really. Maybe it was “The Mummy”. “The Mummy Returns.” Do you know for sure which one we watched?
Jeff:
Well, I think the Rock was in “The Mummy 2”.
Casey:
Okay. So…
Jeff:
And there was no Rock…
Casey:
So if there’s no Rock, then it’s original “Mummy”.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Rock is “Mummy 2”.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Jet Li is “Mummy 3”… That’s how we can…
Jeff:
Apparently…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Alright. So if it’s only… So if it’s Arab, 1, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
African American, 2.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Chinese, 3.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
That’s how we know, the co-star.
Jeff:
Well, I think…
Casey:
Co-star determines… Co-star ethnicity…
Jeff:
Race of co-star…
Casey:
Race of co-star determines Mummy.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Now, does it matter to people that mummification was not widely used in other societies? Is that bothering anybody.
Jeff:
Well, I don’t think it bothers anybody because we watched the first one…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Which was called “The Mummy”…
Casey:
And there wasn’t a mummy in it.
Jeff:
We didn’t see any mummies.
Casey:
Yeah, there wasn’t a mummy. That’s true.
Jeff:
There was a lot of CG-ness with the main guy…
Casey:
That’s true. Yep. But he wasn’t a mummy, no.
Jeff:
No. By the time… Maybe he was mummy earlier…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And he de-mummied?
Casey:
That could be.
Jeff:
I don’t know.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
There could’ve been something there.
Casey:
De-mummification… Maybe if should be called… Well, he was kind of shirtless for a lot of it…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
So maybe it’s like “The Tummy”. “The Tummy Returns”.
Jeff:
Right. “The Tummy Returns”?
Casey:
Or something. Yeah, I’m trying to think of what would be a more accurate title.
Jeff:
Do you remember his really short shorts that he was wearing.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And then, when he’s running up to get somebody, he didn’t just run up the stairs… He kind of skipped.
Casey:
It was flourished… He flourished it a bit.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
He did that thing where he jumped the 1st two stairs…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Which you can jump the stairs… Don’t lift trailing leg.
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
’Cos he did that little kind of like… Whee!
Casey:
It’s no good. No. I agree with that.
Jeff:
Yeah. And I’m not sure but I think if that was in HD, there could’ve been something showing.
Casey:
Oh, you think there was a little peek-a-boo shorts?
Jeff:
There was something…
Casey:
A little peek-a-boo on the shorts?
Jeff:
There was something going on I didn’t like.
Casey:
Well, here’s what I’ll say about that.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I know that one of the things that they really pushed for… We had the idea of taking a comedian and making them the sidekick…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And that worked really well. So that’s what we’re doing.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Like, it’s comedian sidekick is our thing for this action film, right. And they do that in 2, 3, 4, whatever, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
This one, what they said when they did “The Mummy”, they were like, “Ice skaters, right. We’re gonna use ice skaters for the villain, right.”
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
People who have had a career in ice skating or have that…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So that all the action moves will have a different feel to them, right?
Jeff:
We haven’t seen that before.
Casey:
Right, you haven’t seen that before. It’s new.
Jeff:
“Look at that pirouette…”
Casey:
Exactly…
Jeff:
“That the Rock is doing…”
Casey:
So that’s kind of what you are seeing when you had that jump up the stairs, right?
Jeff:
Oh, I see.
Casey:
That was kind of a… He landed on pointe.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
I don’t know if you noticed that. The foot was down.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
It’s very beautiful.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I missed that.
Casey:
Hence, the short shorts also kind of went right in with that.
Jeff:
Yeah, definitely.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Well, one thing I was gonna say about that was I was over at the mall. And I see these 2 ladies looking down each other. And they’re having a conversation. And there was a great big “Mummy” poster that was hanging as we went past in. And one of the ladies said, “Ooh, Brendan Fraser, where’s he been? He’s so talented.”
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
And I was freaking out. It took…
Casey:
Now, when she says talented, is that the English word, talent… Were these foreigners who used talent to mean something else?
Jeff:
I don’t understand.
Casey:
Like, retarded?
Jeff:
I don’t even un--… Right. Like, Brendan Fraser is…
Casey:
Like, you know what “touched” means? You know, like, oh, it’s a different usage, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s like, “Oh, he’s touched.” It doesn’t mean gifted, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It means like not all there, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
A little slow. So maybe they meant talented in that sense like he’s talented? He’s special?
Jeff:
He’s talented? Yeah.
Casey:
Special, right? He’s special.
Jeff:
These were people…
Casey:
Brendan Fraser is kind of special.
Jeff:
Yeah. These were people that would go out of their way to catch the latest Brendan Fraser, right.
Casey:
Okay. So they’re like, “’Mummy 3’? I’m there opening day.”
Jeff:
Right. And like…
Casey:
Or opening night… Yeah.
Jeff:
If you’ve seen an interview with Brendan Fraser, he’s functionally retarded.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Like, he did “Encino Man” where he played a stupid caveman.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
He wasn’t acting.
Casey:
Right, right.
Jeff:
People thought he was a great actor. He’s the same. You see him on TV shows, he’s exactly that. He’s terrible.
Casey:
Well, you know what he used to remind me of in the interview that I saw there, that I just quickly at… Because I didn’t see him in much…
Jeff:
Right. I told you to go look at how retarded he is, yeah.
Casey:
Yeah, I’ve looked at it. He reminded me a lot of that scientology video with Tom Cruise where he’s talking about stuff and branching off and just saying all these things and I have no idea what any of it means…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It was exactly that. He was ostensibly talking about something I should understand like, “How was the filming? What was the set of ‘The Mummy’ like?” And he just starts talking and I was like, “I have no idea what he’s saying.”
Jeff:
Yeah, he’s just going.
Casey:
It was like, “What does that mean?”
Jeff:
It was crazy.
Casey:
Foreign language, basically. I could believe that he was mentally somewhat handicapped. Like, I could believe that he was maybe learning disabled, you know, and he’s been an actor so he hasn’t had to overcome it, you know, and it’s just like that’s where he’s at. I don’t know.
Jeff:
I just don’t understand. He keeps getting… It just makes no sense.
Casey:
He doesn’t keep getting anything. You don’t see a lot of Brendan Fraser out there. You think there was a long line of people who want to star in “The Mummy”?
Jeff:
No, that’s just it. Like, he works. He’s a working actor. I mean, right now, he’s in 2 movies at once. Why is he in “Crash”, right? How does he get that job, for example?
Casey:
Not enough people. This is what I’m telling you.
Jeff:
There’s something else there.
Casey:
Brendan Fraser probably, A, isn’t on cocaine, right. So they’re like, “Okay, great. That means he’ll show up,” right? Maybe he memorizes his lines, let’s say. Maybe part of his autism is that he can remember the lines, right. That puts him ahead of most of the people. Like, shows up for work reliably, takes direction well, and isn’t totally incompetent onscreen? That’s it. It’s like, you have now got work in Hollywood for the rest of your life because frankly, that’s good enough.
Jeff:
See, all I can… That’s… The only explanation I can come up with…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Is he’s a nice guy on the set. And it’s like, that’s enough to get people hired.
Casey:
Yeah. Sure.
Jeff:
But still, he’s in what is considered to be [inaudible 13:33] movies.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Like, “The Mummy 3” had a big budget.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
They expected to make…
Casey:
Sure.
Jeff:
In fact, I bet it made a fair amount of money this weekend.
Casey:
Because again, it’s a threshold problem. It’s like, okay, who are the people who are gonna be big action stars in “The Mummy”, right? You can probably count them on your fingers, you know what I mean? Arnold’s not there no more. He’s governor of California, right. Who are you gonna get? You think Brad Pitt’s got room in his schedule for “The Mummy”? You think Tom Cruise gives a shit about “The Mummy”? The few big action stars that there are aren’t gonna be available. So at that point, they’re like, “You know what, here’s what we can do. We can either pay a shit ton of money for someone sort of at the bottom of that last or we can pay Brendan Fraser 50 bucks. He’s a nice guy who shows up for work. Done.”
Jeff:
I just feel like…
Casey:
Problem solved. They’re just like, “Fine. It’s fine.”
Jeff:
I don’t know, man. I think there’s that second level of actors that you can pick from…
Casey:
Have you seen the script? I mean…
Jeff:
No, no. It’s shit.
Casey:
Who cares whose mouth it’s coming out of.
Jeff:
There are enough working…
Casey:
It’s like Anthony Hopkins could read the fucking shit and it’d still suck.
Jeff:
No, there are still a level of working actors that were eliminated that had all those same features. It’s just I think that, like, he’s a nice guy and someone somewhere thinks he puts people in the seats… There’s a Brendan Fraser…
Casey:
No one thinks that. No one’s thinking that.
Jeff:
Well…
Casey:
No one’s thinking Brendan Fraser puts people in the seats.
Jeff:
Not only… I think there’s someone that does.
Casey:
No one’s thinking that. No, they’re not.
Jeff:
I think here’s…
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
In fact, here’s an interesting thing. Do you know what the best bang for the buck actor is in Hollywood? They just did this big sort of list.
Casey:
Adam Sandler?
Jeff:
They took how much money a person’s paid…
Casey:
Yeah. Oh…
Jeff:
How much money in tickets they got…
Casey:
Okay. So not Adam Sandler, then…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
’Cos he gets a lot for those things…
Jeff:
In fact, he’s quite low…
Casey:
Yeah, because…
Jeff:
Right, because he makes a lot of money.
Casey:
He makes bank on the shittiest fucking films…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But he probably takes all of it home himself.
Jeff:
He takes… Right.
Casey:
’Cos he knows…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
The only reason is because it’s, like, “Starring Adam Sandler”.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“Sure, I’ll watch this pile of dog shit ‘cos it’s starring…”
Jeff:
So, the number 1 actor…
Casey:
The number 1 actor… Give me a second.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
I’ll probably never guess it but…
Jeff:
You might.
Casey:
I’m just trying to think. The number 1 actor for ROI…
Jeff:
So think about the last year, big movies that were surprisingly big.
Casey:
Right. Yeah. Hmmm… Okay. Alright. You know what, can you edit out the amount of time I’m gonna think about this here?
Jeff:
Sure.
Casey:
Just clip it out.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Don’t have… Don’t leave me saying that.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right, just clip it out…
Jeff:
Uh-huh…
Casey:
So that people don’t know that I took a long time to think about it.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
That way, if I’m wrong, it won’t seem like I took a long time to be wrong.
Jeff:
I’m leaving it in.
Casey:
Okay. Let’s go with Jack Black.
Jeff:
I think Jack Black was on the list but the number 1…
Casey:
I don’t know.
Jeff:
Okay. So this is the Forbes list.
Casey:
Oh, Forbes did this?
Jeff:
Yeah. The number 1 is Vince Vaughn. “Wedding Crashers”…
Casey:
Never ever would have guessed that.
Jeff:
Now, he is my example of somebody that I believe would’ve cost less than Brendan Fraser and would’ve been fucking hysterical in that movie.
Casey:
That’s true.
Jeff:
Saying those bad lines, right…
Casey:
That’s true because he just saved whatever came to mind in addition to and it would be funny.
Jeff:
Right, right. Like, that… It would be funny to have somebody who’s sarcastic in those shit movies anyway.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Okay. So he was number 1 and that was mostly “Wedding Crashers”, “Breakup”, and “Dodgeball”, believe it or not, were the ones. And he didn’t get paid a lot for those. Toby Maguire was number 2 because of Spiderman.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And number 3 was Julia Roberts, Brad Pitt, Naomi Watts, and Matt Damon, then George…
Casey:
Wow, Brad Pitt… So Brad Pitt is basically like, he’s the man. Because he probably gets paid a lot, too. That means he really is putting people in the seats.
Jeff:
Yes. And he usually doesn’t get paid super…
Casey:
Why not?
Jeff:
There’s that long-standing thing where they say that Brad Pitt doesn’t open a movie. He has his fans. He’s a great actor but he can’t open a movie. There hasn’t been a movie where he’s the main dude that he’s opened well.
Casey:
Yeah, but you know one of the…
Jeff:
Except maybe “Oceans 13” and those…
Casey:
Well, you know what I would say about that, though? I think that actually says something about his choice in movies, though…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Because if I think about it, I’ve never seen him… Like, the movies that come to mind that were big movies of his…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Have never been the popcorn flicks.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right? He doesn’t sign up for “Pirates of the Caribbean”.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I think if he did, he absolutely would, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So it’s like, Brad Pitt, how much do you expect him to do for your movie if it’s a relatively art house film right? It’s like if you’re doing “Fight Club”, right, that movie’s never gonna sell out.
Jeff:
Totally.
Casey:
That’s not that kind of movie. Great film, yeah…
Jeff:
And he doesn’t choose very many bad movies. There’s a few out there.
Casey:
Right. Up until recently, I would’ve said the same thing about Edward Norton for example, right.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
And Christian Bale, to some degree, as well.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Right? Although now, he has put people to seats now, although… Well, Heath Leger has, anyway…
Jeff:
Yep. And even the big guys like Will Smith is 21st on this list… Anyway…
Casey:
Can’t get it for free.
Jeff:
Brendan Fraser, he’s very talented.
Casey:
Very talented. So Jeff, I was very relieved when Congress started going, “You know what, not only do we have sex on occasion but it is deviant sex or unusual sex or illegal sex in some cases,” right?
Jeff:
Yes. Totally.
Casey:
It’s like, they’re putting it back on the agenda.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
It’s not off the table anymore.
Jeff:
Totally.
Casey:
It is on the table, on the floor, in the kitchen…
Jeff:
It’s everywhere…
Casey:
Or in the rest stop… You know, whatever it needs to be…
Jeff:
That’s where it’ll be.
Casey:
It’s happening.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
And you sent me a link, right…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
That finally, for the first time since the Monica Lewinsky thing, made me think that sex is coming back to the Senate floor.
Jeff:
Alright. Okay.
Casey:
And that gets me excited…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
In a very real way, alright.
Jeff:
Totally.
Casey:
You sent me the following quote from wide-stanced Larry Craig.
Jeff:
Yep, Larry Craig who we’ve talked about before.
Casey:
Yeah. It was, “We won’t let the Venezuela’s or the Nigeria’s or the Saudi Arabia’s or the Iran’s jerk us around by the gas nozzle.”
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
He’s looking out for all of us.
Casey:
They’re not… They’ve been… Honestly…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
If I may say so myself, they have been manhandling our gas nozzle, right?
Jeff:
Totally.
Casey:
Just do anything they want with it.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
No regard for our feelings. They’ve been squirting it everywhere…
Jeff:
They’ve been sucking that nozzle…
Casey:
Dry…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Yep. And frankly, I’m sick of that.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
And he’s sick of it, too.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
And he knows how to express it.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
And I like that.
Jeff:
Totally. We want that in our senators. Is he a senator or House of Representatives?
Casey:
Larry Craig?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I’m gonna go with House of Representatives but you know what…
Jeff:
Well, House of Representatives…
Casey:
I don’t keep track of who’s a representative and who’s a senator from other states very often.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I’ll be honest. There’s a fucking lot of them.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So I would’ve said House of Representatives, yeah.
Jeff:
Well, House is just basically a big group of jackasses so…
Casey:
Well, yeah. The less votes you need to get for something…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
The further down in the totem pole you are.
Jeff:
Totally. There’s always, like… It’s one or two crazy people…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
In the House, right?
Casey:
Exactly.
Jeff:
Well, I think what I would like is if we have Larry Craig step up to the plate on all of the issues that face America.
Casey:
Well, yeah. If he can make the issues sexier, if you will.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right? If he can sort of… Not to be too explicit here… If he can sort of go into the restroom and get the stall next to the issues, right?
Jeff:
Yeah, exactly.
Casey:
And just slide a foot over…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
To the issue and give it a… Just let it know…
Jeff:
That he’s there…
Casey:
That if the issue wanted to…
Jeff:
He’s available.
Casey:
There are things they could do together.
Jeff:
Well, maybe I could give you some subjects…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And you could maybe tell us what we might look forward to in a way.
Casey:
Okay. So you basically want Craig-ification filter…
Jeff:
So like…
Casey:
What should we call this? The stance widening…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Widening the issue stance with Larry Craig.
Jeff:
With Larry Craig…
Casey:
Well, I’m not really prepared for this but…
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
I don’t really know what he sounds like is one problem but I’ll just… I’ll mentally [ tap into that ].
Jeff:
I thought he had more of a cowboy accent but we went and listened to that one video, the YouTube…
Casey:
Yeah, that was the only time I think I’ve ever seen him speak. Since he’s obviously into some crazy sexual shit…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
That means he’s probably super condemning…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Of, like, whatever…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s like, if you’re hooking up with a random stranger by going to a rest stop and slide your foot over…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Then that pretty much means that, throughout your entire career, decried 2 totally innocuous gay males got married and probably have sex once a month.
Jeff:
Well…
Casey:
You’re probably like, “That’s ruining America’s values,” right…
Jeff:
That’s how…
Casey:
That’s how it always is.
Jeff:
That’s how they roll.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I mean, you had the senator just this week that was getting very upset…
Casey:
Very upset…
Jeff:
With China about their monitoring of the internet of the journalists that are there to report on…
Casey:
Oh, was he upset about that?
Jeff:
Yes, he was upset about that.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Of course, 3 days before, he voted for FISA so…
Casey:
Nice.
Jeff:
You’re just like…
Casey:
Nice.
Jeff:
“Goddamn it. What is the problem with you?”
Casey:
“The problem with all this wiretapping is it’s not only me.”
Jeff:
“It’s not our taps.”
Casey:
“Why do other people have wiretaps? That’s bullshit.”
Jeff:
It’s totally awesome.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Alright, so are you ready for this?
Casey:
Sure, I’ll Craig it up. I can do that.
Jeff:
Let’s see. So I guess the first thing to ask you…
Casey:
Now, am I supposed to be basically explaining the nuances of this issue to you?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
As if you didn’t know much about the issue in the first place?
Jeff:
I would just say… I’m gonna ask you about these things and then you just give me…
Casey:
What the idea is…
Jeff:
You know, sex it up a little bit, right?
Casey:
Well, I’m Craig-ing it up so that is…
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
The sex is happening.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I’m just wondering what I’m trying to convey to you…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Sexily…
Jeff:
So he’s chimed in with speaking about high gasoline prices…
Casey:
High gasoline prices…
Jeff:
Because we’re being yanked around by the gas nozzle…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Right? So let’s start with this. So do you think… You know, there’s been a lot of discussion about off-shore drilling to, you know, lessen our energy need. What do you think about that?
Casey:
Now, the thing that I would ask about that is which off-shore drilling are you talking about? Where in the country? ‘Cos, like, for example…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Let’s say that we’re talking about off-shore drilling off the coast of Texas like Gulf of New Mexico, right…
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Personally, I don’t think it’s gonna be very exciting to do a lot of drilling in Texas, right?
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
But if you’re talking about the Bay Area, right, like San Francisco, right… Let’s say that you want to do a lot of drilling in San Francisco. Personally, I have found that to be a lot more rewarding, right.
Jeff:
Than Texas?
Casey:
It’s like, you drill… You go to Texas, right, and you start drilling around wherever you think that there might be something…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And usually, you come up empty, right. It’s like, not much satisfaction, okay…
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
In drilling there…
Jeff:
Sure.
Casey:
That’s been my experience from all the years that I’ve been in control of what’s being drilled…
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
You know what I mean?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
San Francisco, I mean, you can pretty much drill anywhere there and, you know, you’re not gonna go home unhappy is what I think, right. So that makes me think that, as a government, when we’re like, “What needs to be drilled?” And we’re kind of looking out sort of across the landscape…
Jeff:
Sure.
Casey:
And going, “Does this need to be drilled? Does that need to be drilled?” Right?
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
And I think that you have to call it one by one.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
I don’t want to say, “Let’s just drill everything here…”
Jeff:
Let’s talk about that.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So in Alaska, there’s lots of wilderness there. It’s protected now…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And there’s talk about unprotecting them so we can drill there.
Casey:
Right. Yes.
Jeff:
Now, I don’t know much about Alaska but I assume there’s lumberjacks, right?
Casey:
Right. Well, here’s what I would say. Unprotected drilling is something that we did a lot of experimenting with in the 80’s.
Jeff:
I see. Right.
Casey:
And there were a lot of problems with that.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Like, there was a lot of fallout from some of our unprotected drilling because basically what was happening there is all of the drilling was unprotected.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Alright. ‘Cos I don’t want to sound like I’m against unprotected drilling. You know, I will sign off on unprotected as soon as the next guy, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But I think sometimes, you know, when you look at a situation, you have to go, “You know what, I’m gonna use protection in this particular case.”
Jeff:
Okay. Alright.
Casey:
Right. And so, I think it’s…
Jeff:
Because otherwise, it’d be dangerous.
Casey:
Exactly.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Exactly. Because you don’t know what’s gonna happen, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s like, you haven’t drilled this before, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
This particular piece, you haven’t drilled.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So when you’re looking at that and going, “Do I want to drill this with protection or do I want to just do unprotected drilling this whole time?”
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
And again, when I think about this… Let’s say I’m drilling in a hole that I’ve already drilled, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So it’s not a new drilling.
Jeff:
Right. It’s not a dry hole.
Casey:
It’s like, we know… Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
We know… We’ve drilled this before…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And we think that it will be just as good…
Jeff:
As the last time…
Casey:
As the last time we drilled it.
Jeff:
Sure.
Casey:
Okay. Then that time, I think now that you have a little more experience with drilling here…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I say unprotected. Right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So this place that we’ve already drilled, I don’t think we need the protection.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
New things we’re drilling, maybe we need the protection on a case by case basis.
Jeff:
Right. Alright, well, let’s talk about the surge, you know, in whether it’s working and whether we should keep it up.
Casey:
Okay. I see what you’re saying.
Jeff:
Yeah. Like…
Casey:
You’re talking…
Jeff:
Can you speak to that?
Casey:
Right. You’re talking about… Here, you’re talking about the surge in the military, right?
Jeff:
Right. A sure in power.
Casey:
I understand what the main thrust of the surge was, certainly.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And I can see why they decided to go with the surge instead of just finishing up, okay.
Jeff:
Yeah, that’s true.
Casey:
Because one thing they could have done when they looked at the situation is just been like, “I’m done. You know what…”
Jeff:
Withdrawn…
Casey:
“Let’s finish up and withdraw.”
Jeff:
Right”
Casey:
“Let’s pull out…”
Jeff:
And with draw. Pull out early.
Casey:
“Let’s pull out… If we have to pull out early…”
Jeff:
We can…
Casey:
“We’ll pull out early, okay.” But I think that what they said is, “Well, either we can finish up and pull out or we can just go ahead and hit this with even more,” right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Even more vigorous and more energetic, right.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
They looked at the situation…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And said, “This isn’t working.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
“We need more manpower.”
Casey:
“We went in here and this isn’t working.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“Let’s get more men on this job.”
Jeff:
More manpower.
Casey:
More men… No, not more manpower. More individual men.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Right? So we had… We didn’t have enough…
Jeff:
What about Hummers? Do we need more Hummers?
Casey:
Okay. So you’re asking me do all these people need Hummers, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s like, we’re putting them on the ground and I don’t want to put a man on the ground and then just give him a Hummer, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
’Cos to me, that seems indiscriminate.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
What I want to do is find out, you know… I want to get dialogue going.
Jeff:
Sure.
Casey:
Does this person want a Hummer, right?
Jeff:
Right. He may not.
Casey:
Does he want a Hummer from me, you know?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
If he doesn’t want a Hummer from me, then I’m wasting my time giving him a Hummer.
Jeff:
Sure.
Casey:
Alright?
Jeff:
I understand.
Casey:
That’s the way I’m looking at it.
Jeff:
Right, right, right.
Casey:
So I think we need to put the men on the ground, just get them right down on the ground, right… I’m just like…
Jeff:
Immediately…
Casey:
Immediately… Take someone… We just need to put them in uniform and get them on the ground, right?
Jeff:
Right. And put them into service.
Casey:
Put them in uniform, get them on the ground, get them into service right away.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
If that means giving them a Hummer, I’ll give them a Hummer.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
If I don’t need to give them a Hummer, so much the better, right?
Jeff:
Right. Okay. I understand.
Casey:
Is there glory to be had in Iraq?
Jeff:
Sure.
Casey:
I mean, there’s glory to be had in lots of places.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Who knows, you know… I think that each and every time you go out somewhere new, you don’t know what you’re gonna find there. There could be…
Jeff:
I understand…
Casey:
It could be a glory hole. It might be much nastier than that.
Jeff:
Sure.
Casey:
Right? You could go there and find out that the things that are happening in this place you’ve gone are just things that shock even you, right? And I mean, and you thought that you’d seen a lot of action in your day. And it turns out that you just haven’t. You don’t even know the first thing about it. And so, that thing kind of goes back to the Hummer situation, right? It’s like, you go in somewhere and you start giving people Hummers, it turns out Hummers is not at all what you need in this situation, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s inappropriate. It’s not the right tool for the job. They’re doing something totally different, you know?
Jeff:
I understand.
Casey:
And that thing that they’re doing might be awesome. It might be terrifying. But once you go in, you’ve got to… I mean, you’re not gonna get their respect unless you measure up, unless you finish that up, you do it, you hit it hard, you know…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And you give it everything you’ve got.
Jeff:
Well, okay. I think that’s been good. I think Larry Craig brings a lot to these issues.
Casey:
I think he has a lot to say…
Jeff:
Yeah, yeah…
Casey:
About this…
Jeff:
And…
Casey:
I think he has a lot to say about everything in politics, really.
Jeff:
Yes. I think we should have him chime in now and then.
Casey:
Every time there’s a complex political situation, maybe we’ll just see what he has to say about it.
Jeff:
Sure.
Casey:
We’ll see if we can put ourselves in his shoes…
Jeff:
I agree.
Casey:
Right? And slide over just the right amount…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
To sort of give the issue his attention.
Jeff:
Right. Okay. So this week in Criminals, Casey, we have some criminal masterminds. So the first guy, he was driving, driving home…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
He had some drugs in his car.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
You know sometimes you got it…
Casey:
What kind of drugs?
Jeff:
I think it was 5 pounds of weed.
Casey:
That’s a lot of weed.
Jeff:
So he’s driving home with it. You know, you’d think you’d want to be a little careful…
Casey:
Maybe.
Jeff:
With that much product in your car…
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
You know, he’s driving home. He got a little tired and restless. So while he’s driving home, he started masturbating on the freeway. Went to business.
Casey:
Is that necessary?
Jeff:
It was for him.
Casey:
He did not pull over?
Jeff:
You’d think. He was also in a hurry driving home. So he’s driving 95 miles an hour with his 5 pounds of weed and he’s masturbating. And he was filming it, it turns out.
Casey:
How?
Jeff:
The officers say he was holding a camera and pointing it down to his crotch and he had him…
Casey:
What was on the wheel?
Jeff:
What’s that?
Casey:
What was he…
Jeff:
Maybe Jesus took the wheel. Maybe, you know…
Casey:
Yeah, I bet he did.
Jeff:
He’s ghost riding…
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Yeah, so yeah, that’s our first guy. Terrific.
Casey:
I don’t believe that story because you’d need a third arm. It’s like, “What’s the third arm for?” “Oh, it’s for the camera.”
Jeff:
No, I’m telling you. He’s got his knees up there. He’s steering with his knees. He’s got it under control. This is someone who should be driving in NASCAR if he could do all this at once, by the way.
Casey:
No. This is someone who should be David Letterman…
Jeff:
Yeah, that’s true.
Casey:
Is my thinking. I’m like, this guy, if he can film himself masturbating while driving 95 miles per hour, it’s like…
Jeff:
With drugs.
Casey:
Put on some French music and Cirque du Soleil.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
As far as I’m concerned, right? I mean, this is like an act, you know. This has crossed the line from idiot to savant, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s like, you have become sort of a performance act at this point.
Jeff:
That’s awesome.
Casey:
You know…
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
As far as I’m concerned.
Jeff:
So our next dude, his name is Jam Millson. He was arrested for propositioning an undercover policeman. And when he was arrested, he said, “Jeez, you wear glasses and I didn’t think the police wore glasses.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So…
Casey:
That’s true, actually. The police don’t wear glasses.
Jeff:
Oh, none of them do?
Casey:
It’s interesting that he picked up on that.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Now, did he explain where he got this idea?
Jeff:
No, I think his idea came from the fact that he figured they were like astronauts and you can’t go into space unless…
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
Well, you know, you have to be in peak physical condition…
Casey:
Has he ever seen a police officer?
Jeff:
I’m thinking that in his mind, astronaut/police officer, not that different.
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
So…
Casey:
Except for the fact that most police officers would be way over the weight limit.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
It’s like, you know…
Jeff:
That’s very true… Well, that’s actually our next one…
Casey:
Oh.
Jeff:
To braniacs who stole a Krispy Kreme truck…
Casey:
Now, that I can relate to…
Jeff:
Right. And drove away, wildly…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Unfortunately, they left a 15-mile trail of doughnuts…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
I guess they didn’t shut the back. Doughnuts were falling. If there is any trail you don’t want to leave..
Casey:
For cops…
Jeff:
For cops…
Casey:
Wow…
Jeff:
Krispy Kremes, right?
Casey:
That is amazing.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
That is literally, like…
Jeff:
It’s like Pac Man. You’re just…
Casey:
The officers caught up with them… Like, dispatch probably came out and they’re like, “Breaker 10-4, we have a… Never mind. You guys will find it.”
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Right? They probably just, like, stopped the [ APV’s ] right there…
Jeff:
Exactly.
Casey:
And were like, “We don’t need to say anything else.” It’s like, “If we just don’t announce any other thing for the cops to do, they will arrest these people when they finish the doughnuts.”
Jeff:
Yeah, exactly. That’s the good action.
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
Isn’t that great?
Casey:
That seems like something out of a really bad film. Like, “Harold and Kumar Go to Krispy Kreme” or something.
Jeff:
15 miles of doughnuts. That’s like, you know, when they always put things in, like, “If you took all the doughnuts at Krispy Kreme [inaudible 33:49] you’ll go to the moon and back.”
Casey:
Oh, yeah. Yes.
Jeff:
And the policemen would. Right up to the moon…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And they’re like, “Harry, I’m lost.”
Casey:
It’s funny that you mentioned that…
Jeff:
“Call Central.”
Casey:
You know how you have Good and No Good?
Jeff:
Uh-huh.
Casey:
I absolutely think that those analogies are so pointless. Like, they are the stupidest idea that I’ve ever seen because they’re always in a context where they’re like, trying to convey to you a quantity that you didn’t automatically comprehend at first.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So, what is their way of doing this? By equating it to something that you also don’t have any handle off. It’s like, “You can go to the moon and back.”
Jeff:
Totally.
Casey:
I have no idea how far that is! No human besides, like, the 50 in history that have been to the moon have any idea what it’s like to go to the moon.
Jeff:
That is awesome.
Casey:
I mean, I know it’s far, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I know how many miles it is. That doesn’t matter. It’s like you’re trying to make it intuitive. It’s already got a number. They’re like, “That’s 500,000 doughnuts. To put that in perspective, that’s as many doughnuts as you could pile up to, like.. You could cover 15 monster trucks.” It’s like, “I’ve never done that. You’re not making it any clearer,” right? You need to equate it to something I do.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Like, that… If you ate the same number of these as you do normally every day, it would take you 50 years. That makes sense to me.
Jeff:
Right. Okay.
Casey:
It’s like, okay, you’ve equated it to something that I do…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And now, you’re showing me how far I would have to extend the thing that I do, right? “If you read these…”
Jeff:
That’s awesome…
Casey:
“Back to back without stopping 24 hours a day…” I can relate to that. How far is it to the moon? I don’t know.
Jeff:
That’s totally awesome. They should…
Casey:
They could wrap around the equator 3,700 times. I’ve never even been to the equator, let alone wrapped around it.
Jeff:
Well, our next one has to do with the frozen sausage, my favorite thing.
Casey:
Wow. No, your favorite thing is popsicles, sucking popsicles.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
A man broke into a butcher shop and was running away with a whole bunch of meat in his arms…
Casey:
Okay. Wow.
Jeff:
The owner chased him down…
Casey:
Wow, great crime.
Jeff:
Yep. The owner chased him down. The thief raised a big sausage. The owner picked up frozen ham, smashed him in the face, knocked him out.
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
See, I thought it was gonna be more entertaining than that when you said that. I thought the butcher took the cleaver and just cut the sausage as, like, a show of force…
Jeff:
I just like…
Casey:
He’s like, “I’m a butcher. You don’t attack me with meat.
Jeff:
It’s… If Capone uses a knife, you use a gun…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You used a sausage. Butcher pulls a ham.
Casey:
No…
Jeff:
It’s not what you immediately go to. You think of…
Casey:
No, in my mind, I was thinking… Yeah, if I’m gonna attack a butcher, I wouldn’t use meat just like. . . Okay, if I’m gonna attack Mr. Freeze, I don’t get a fire hose, right?
Jeff:
Right, exactly.
Casey:
You don’t send something at the guy that’s the thing that he normally uses every day, right?
Jeff:
Right. You’d have to attack him with tofu.
Casey:
Yet in this situation, it doesn’t matter. Like, the butcher somehow lost his super power…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
In the midst of the chaos, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
He forgot that what he does every day is cut meat, right?
Jeff:
Right. And then, still, was able to use it…
Casey:
Use the meat to… Maybe he’s just a master of meat. He’s like, “I am a master of meat.”
Jeff:
Right. Alright, our last geniuses are 2 women — Crystal Evans and Denise McClue.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
They broke into a parked DHL delivery truck because they were looking for their urine samples, okay.
Casey:
So right there, you’re like, something is probably up at this point.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
When you’re breaking into a truck to get your urine…
Jeff:
Yeah. They were sure they would test positive for meth and they’d have to go back to jail because they were already on probation.
Casey:
Oh, yeah.
Jeff:
So they broke into it…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Unfortunately, they were arrested while breaking into it.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
It turns out, their urine samples they were trying to steal were clean…
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
But the urine sample they had to get for breaking into the truck…
Casey:
Oh…
Jeff:
Positive. Back to the big house…
Casey:
Whoops…
Jeff:
Poor Crystal.
Casey:
Now, isn’t there some kind of 5th Amendment protection for urine where you can be like, “Okay, if I was trying to commit a crime, alright, in order to prevent my urine from testing positive but it didn’t test positive, then I’m off the hook,” right? You can’t get another urine sample. It’s like double urination. Double jeopardy for urine, right?
Jeff:
Right. It’s the number 2 clause…
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
Or number 1.
Casey:
It’s the number 1. Yeah, not the 1st Amendment but the number 1 Amendment.
Jeff:
Yeah, I think…
Casey:
You know what, let’s have an amendment quiz. Like, what’s the 3rd Amendment?
Jeff:
Let’s see. Freedom to Assemble? I don’t know.
Casey:
No. 1st Amendment is Freedom to Assemble.
Jeff:
3rd? Let me think about this for a second. Militia is number 2, right?
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
And then the 3rd… No, I don’t know.
Casey:
Well, that’s not technically true. Unless you’re… Maybe you’re one of those Pinko commies that thinks that number 2 is about the militia.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Number 2 is not about the militia, right?
Jeff:
Not anymore, yeah. That’s been like, [inaudible 38:37] the rule of the land, right? Like, it is now Right to Bear Arms.
Casey:
I hate to sound Republican here but in my mind, it was always [inaudible 38:44]
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Like, I don’t know what kind of complete misunderstanding of American history you would have to have to read the 2nd Amendment as applying to militia.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
That’s like one of those total pot smoking moments where, like, “No, dude, it means that the militia can…” It’s like, no, it doesn’t.
Jeff:
Never has.
Casey:
It is no such thing. You’re telling me that a government tried to [ codify ] the right for its army to have weapons?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Probably not.
Jeff:
Well, I am fairly liberal in most of the things I believe…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
But that’s one of the one’s that, like, “No, we’ve got to be able to have guns.” I don’t have any guns…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
But as long as the police can have guns…
Casey:
Yeah, people should have guns.
Jeff:
It’s the same thing when people complain a lot about the cameras and stuff that they have, that they install all through London now. Everything’s on camera.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And nobody solved any crime with these cameras. Yet, we keep catching police…
Casey:
Oh, nice.
Jeff:
Like…
Casey:
Are you serious? Like, all of the shit that they captured is police fucking around with people that they shouldn’t be?
Jeff:
Well, no. Actually, no. It’s the other way around. The defense attorney’s will ask to look at the tape and then they’ll be like, “Dude, you didn’t identify yourself as a police officer,” or, “You didn’t read the Miranda,” or whatever…
Casey:
Okay. Do they have Miranda in London?
Jeff:
That’s a good question. I don’t know.
Casey:
Me neither.
Jeff:
Yeah. They did… I mean, they just had the same thing with the YouTube cop, right, the dude that tackled the bicycler in New York.
Casey:
No idea.
Jeff:
Same thing. A cop just standing there in the middle of the road. He’s sitting there watching bicycle coming by, just tackles the dude. Straight off. I mean, perfect timing.
Casey:
Why, ‘cos he ran a red light or something?
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
What was he even trying to do?
Jeff:
Nothing. He just pissed.
Casey:
Just pissed.
Jeff:
He was pissed. And he claimed that he resisted arrest and tried to hit him. Here’s the YouTube video of him tackling…
Casey:
Awesome…
Jeff:
Fired. So…
Casey:
Yeah. YouTube saves the day, eh?
Jeff:
It’s like, we need protection from our watchmen. [inaudible 40:31]
Casey:
Yeah, exa--… Well, hey…
Jeff:
So I’ll take a little loss in the other case because that’s what I worry about more. So…
Casey:
I hear you.
Jeff:
Mainly because all the criminals are busy worrying about whether the policemen are wearing glasses or not…
Casey:
Yeah, apparently. And trying to steal their own urine.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Like, okay…
Jeff:
Most of those guys, I’m not as worried about. So…
Casey:
So 3rd Amendment, no idea?
Jeff:
No idea.
Casey:
I’m gonna go with Freedom from Quartering Troops.
Jeff:
From what?
Casey:
Quartering Troops?
Jeff:
Quartering Tr--… Oh, so you don’t have to… That was the thing…
Casey:
The government cannot force you to provide room and board for a member of the military.
Jeff:
Because that was one of the grumpy things they got with the red…
Casey:
I believe it’s the 3rd Amendment.
Jeff:
Yeah. When the British came in and just were basically taking over houses.
Casey:
Yeah. 3rd Amendment is one of those ones that never comes up, like…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
You know, that’s why I picked it because I was like, “Huh… 3rd… That’s probably obscure,” right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
1st, 2nd 4th, and 5th, if you don’t know those, then you’re living under a rock. Like, maybe you’ll misassign them. Someone will be like, “Oh, Right to Bear Arms is the 4th Amendment,” or something like that… But like, I don’t think that those people would not know what the right was. But Freedom from Quartering Troops, a lot of people will probably just never even heard of, right. It’s like, “Oh, I didn’t know that I had that right.” Like… You know, “I never even thought about it. No one’s ever tried to quarter troops at my house before so, you know, I didn’t think about it.
Jeff:
Yeah, that’s a good point.
Casey:
Are you looking it up?
Jeff:
I was looking up… There’s, like, 30, right? Or 27?
Casey:
Or, you’re talking about the Extended…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Not the Bill of Rights but all the Amendments…
Jeff:
Yeah, not just the first ones.
Casey:
I only really know the 10. I, like, have perused the other ones. But you know, I don’t know them by heart. So if you’re like, “What’s number 23?” It’s like, “I don’t know. Women’s Suffrage is in there somewhere…”
Jeff:
Well most of them, even if you couldn’t get the numbers right, most of them make fair…
Casey:
Free the slaves?
Jeff:
Most of them make sets. There are some weird ones like… It’s kinda awesome, the ones that are kind in between. Like 12, regarding electoral votes, must specific president or vice president. Number 14, with regards to civil war confederate states and payment award debts…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Number 13, prohibit slavery. You’re like, “Whoa, wait. What?”
Casey:
Yeah, Yeah, exactly. It’s like…
Jeff:
Like, it slipped in there…
Casey:
It doesn’t matter which… No matter how trivial or how grand, it gets the same footing, basically.
Jeff:
It’s a number, right, it gets the Roman numeral.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Number 24, we own the moon. Number 25, like, congressional pay raises do not have to be spaced more than 6 months apart. You’re like, great. Glad that we got those 2 things squared away right next to each other.
Jeff:
Yeah, totally. Maybe one of those can be the little sub-items of the stupidity…
Casey:
Yeah, yeah…
Jeff:
Freedom from stupidity…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And then you have all the fixes where we’re just like, “For God’s sakes, why do we need to list this?”
Casey:
Right. Well, one of them is income tax, I think, right?
Jeff:
19, right?
Casey:
I want to say…
Jeff:
19 is women… Yeah, I don’t remember where the income tax one is.
Casey:
Somewhere in there.
Jeff:
I like number 27 — Discourages Congress from voting themselves pay raises.
Casey:
Oh, I wasn’t making that up?
Jeff:
No, that’s one of them. That’s awesome.
Casey:
So Jeffrey…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
It’s that time again.
Jeff:
It is?
Casey:
You know what time it is?
Jeff:
It’s late. But what time is it?
Casey:
Yeah. But it’s time for what I feel it is no exaggeration to say it is everyone’s favorite podcast segment.
Jeff:
What’s that?
Casey:
It’s when I give you a list of things and you tell me if they are Good or No Good.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Now, so far, I don’t think we’ve ever had a Good.
Jeff:
We sort of had a semi-Good in one of the bonuses, right?
Casey:
Well, when I asked you about the punch card, the little cards…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
You said you loved those, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But I kind of already knew that…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So that was just a… You know…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So let’s see…
Jeff:
Because there are things I do like but it’s more interesting to discuss the things that are gray areas in life.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Right?
Casey:
And which by “gray area” you mean No Good?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
So here we go.
Jeff:
’Cos if there’s any gray…
Casey:
If there’s gray… Okay…
Jeff:
We clamped to black…
Casey:
Okay. So we’ll start off with that. Gray areas, Good or No Good.
Jeff:
There are no gray areas.
Casey:
Okay. There’s white and No Good.
Jeff:
That’s why… Right. There is No Good and Good.
Casey:
Alright. So gray and black, No Good?
Jeff:
Just clamped black, baby.
Casey:
Alright. We are threshold 254, Jeff Roberts.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Alright, so we’re gonna start out with the softball one here for you.
Jeff:
Okay. Softball meaning that most people are gonna…
Casey:
I’m assuming that this is just No Good.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Right off the bat.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Give it to me.
Casey:
Someone is using a cell phone. They’re talking on a cell phone.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But they’re not holding the phone. They have one of those little ear pieces in…
Jeff:
Oh, my God…
Casey:
That wirelessly communicates… You know what I’m talking about?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Bluetooth headset. Not a headset but like a.. Just the ear clip. It’s like an earring, almost. That thing.
Jeff:
Okay. Yeah, definitely No Good. Everyone knows this is No Good.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Here’s the thing about it that’s, like, the bigger No Good.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Everyone knows that’s No Good.
Casey:
Okay. Right. That’s the softball part?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
There’s no question.
Casey:
Right. ‘Cos I could’ve said glowing earpiece…
Jeff:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Casey:
But I didn’t think I even needed to go that far.
Jeff:
No, no, no. Right.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
We have this No Good situation that everyone knows is No Good.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Everyone wearing and using them…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Are… Using them is douche-y enough.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Just walking around town with them…
Casey:
Right, when you’re not actually using them?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Is completely No Good.
Casey:
Okay. Right.
Jeff:
Okay. But that’s not the No Good in the large, as it were.
Casey:
Okay. What is the large?
Jeff:
Now, in most states and including Washington…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
You have to use those if you’re talking on the phone in the car.
Casey:
Really?
Jeff:
Yeah. You must use a hands-free device for your phone.
Casey:
Oh, no.
Jeff:
So it’s institutional…
Casey:
So we’ve legislated No Good.
Jeff:
No Good. Yeah, that’s my biggest problem.
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
That is the evil, right. When Orwell was talking about society, this is what he was talking about.
Casey:
He knew that the hands-free headset would get legislated eventually…
Jeff:
That’s exactly right.
Casey:
And that’s exactly what he was thinking about in 1984.
Jeff:
Exactly. No fucking good.
Casey:
Double plus ungood, as it were.
Jeff:
Yeah, totally.
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Alright, I didn’t realize that.
Jeff:
Yeah. That’s in Washington now…
Casey:
[inaudible 46:40] new law, I guess.
Jeff:
Me, too.
Casey:
This is a new No Good, Good/No Good.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Okay. Someone has a car and they hit the horn, like to honk the horn. But instead of a honk noise, it makes like a… It plays like a song. It goes like…
Jeff:
Oh, my God… Right.
Casey:
You know, that kind of thing.
Jeff:
Yes. Okay…
Casey:
Good or No Good?
Jeff:
No Good.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Okay, what person, like, time travelled over the 80’s and 90’s from the 70’s to put one… Like, why would you ever play a song? You are never ever going to get a lady by playing a horn song at her?
Casey:
Are you sure?
Jeff:
Ever. Yes.
Casey:
Are you sure?
Jeff:
I’m absolutely positive.
Casey:
How do you know this?
Jeff:
I’ll put it to you this way, I will pay for your car horn if you ever get laid because of it, alright. That’s my guarantee to you.
Casey:
Is that a promise?
Jeff:
That’s a promise…
Casey:
Is that a real promise?
Jeff:
From me to you.
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
If you said, “I honked…” Now, you can’t have a normal horn. It has to be playing some, like, “La Cucaracha”…
Casey:
Right, right…
Jeff:
You know, the dance of the bumblebee… You know, it’s gotta play something.
Casey:
Luthor Vandross…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Yeah, that’s the action.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
You know, there’s a secondary No Good on that one, too.
Casey:
I was gonna ask, “Are certain songs more No Good than others or just the fact that it plays a song means that you’re as [inaudible 48:00]
Jeff:
Yeah, there’s the lineup that I think anybody could pick…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Like the MIDI Hits…
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
The FM Synthesis Hits…
Casey:
Okay. Got it. Yep.
Jeff:
Yeah. But there’s another corollary to this No Good…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Which is the people that have, like, a microphone hooked up to a speaker so they can, like, press a button and then talk outside their car. Have you seen this?
Casey:
What? No.
Jeff:
Yeah. It’s like when [ they’re CB’s ], you could like…
Casey:
Like, cops have that.
Jeff:
Yeah, kind of. Yeah, but people can get them, too.
Casey:
Oh.
Jeff:
And I remember Alicia and Vanessa were moving the ping pong table from here to the house.
Casey:
Yeah. Okay.
Jeff:
So they’re embarrassed…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
’Cos they’re, like, pushing it straight down Central [ Way on ] Kirkland…
Casey:
Yeah, with a giant fucking ping pong table, yeah.
Jeff:
With a ping pong table. And of all the cars to pull up next to them, it’s a dude with a speaker…
Casey:
Oh, God.
Jeff:
And he’s like, “Hey, there, ladies. Come play a little ping pong?”
Casey:
Oh, my God, dude. Are you serious?
Jeff:
He thought this would work.
Casey:
He was like, “Oh, they’re gonna get in for sure.”
Jeff:
Yeah, baby.
Casey:
It’ll be a double score, 2 girls and a ping pong table.
Jeff:
They’re just gonna leave the ping pong table…
Casey:
Triple score…
Jeff:
And get in the car…
Casey:
No. Bring the ping pong table…
Jeff:
Hook it up to the back.
Casey:
Even better.
Jeff:
Hook it up to the back of my Nova…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And we’re riding on.
Casey:
El Dorado was what I was thinking but it was a Nova?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Both No Goods.
Casey:
I got one more for you. There’s a celebrity…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
A female celebrity, right, and she’s wearing a top that is prone to wardrobe malfunction, okay.
Jeff:
Oh, okay.
Casey:
And for a brief moment, a nipple is exposed.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
It is a nip slip, if you will.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Good or No Good?
Jeff:
Okay, this is a curveball. I like this one.
Casey:
Is it?
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Because… And here’s the thing… There’s never been anything wrong, really, with the nip.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
It’s all good.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
That’s why I’m expecting it’s Good.
Jeff:
Right. So here’s the curve with this.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Because now, there’s lots of sites… There are sites just for this now.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You can just go to CelebrityNipSlips.com, let’s say.
Jeff:
Right. And you’ll find some action.
Casey:
I’m guessing there’s a site called that but…
Jeff:
I between there would be. If there’s not…
Casey:
There has to be. I’m registering it. If not, I’m registering it and it’s gonna be one of those sites that just has a list of other sites and Google Ads plastered all over the whole thing.
Jeff:
That’s awesome.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So here’s the thing about nip slips…
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
And this is not an indictment upon women.
Casey:
Don’t try to couch it. Don’t couch it.
Jeff:
Well, I’m couching it because here’s the thing.
Casey:
Is it Good or No Good?
Jeff:
It can be both. That’s why this is an interesting one.
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
And let me explain.
Casey:
Alright, so this is a first on the podcast.
Jeff:
Right. The good part is “hey, it’s nips”. You know, I’ve always wanted to see Meg Ryan. They’re like the nips next door.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Right? You want to know, right? You’re curious. I want to see…
Casey:
She’s got that nips next door look?
Jeff:
Yeah, exactly.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So…
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
So that’s the good part. Now, the bad part is…
Casey:
Yeah…
Jeff:
They are slips, right?
Casey:
Yeah. Wait, can we just back that up for a second here?
Jeff:
Sure.
Casey:
I want to talk about the “nips next door” because that’s cracking me up. So is that kind of like… When you say “nips next door”, do you mean kind of like the nips you grew up with?
Jeff:
Yeah, the wholesome nips.
Casey:
And it’s like it was kind of like a coming of age thing when you started like… It’s like “hey, these are nips that used to be my friend and now are my lover” nips? Or is it nips next door like “these are more approachable nips”.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Like, “these are not nips that I feel are out of my league”.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
They’re like, the nips that… You know…
Jeff:
They’re the nips that, if you met these nips on the street, you’d think they were out of your league. But you grew up with them and you have a history.
Casey:
Oh…
Jeff:
So you might be able to close the nip deal.
Casey:
Okay. I see. You knew those nips when they a mere…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
When they were about… You know, let’s say 4 millimeters less in diameter.
Jeff:
Perhaps, yes.
Casey:
Okay. Got it.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Alright, perfect. I am so on board.o
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Nips next door… Now, what is the problem with the nips next door?
Jeff:
Okay, no, the nips next door, that’s the good part.
Casey:
Okay, that’s the good part.
Jeff:
Satisfying the curiosity is the good part.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Now, here’s the thing…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
There is a srata of nips, okay.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Now…
Casey:
You mean like categorizing the nips?
Jeff:
Types of nips.
Casey:
Types of nips?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And some nips are like, these slips are intentional. Like, they need some publicity…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
She’s wearing a revealing shirt that she purposely chose.
Casey:
Alright. So this is basically like, you know, the Paris Hilton sex tape. It’s like, it’s not an accident.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
This didn’t get leaked.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Like, I made this, basically, because I’m fine with it.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So it’s like, if I slipped on purpose…
Jeff:
Or it’s like Pamela Anderson…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And it’s like, nips pressed up against the sliding glass window…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Because they’re being thrust, right?
Casey:
Right, got it.
Jeff:
Stretched beyond belief…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
That’s one of the stata…
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Of the No Good nip slip.
Casey:
Oh, that’s No Good?
Jeff:
Well, that’s one of the nip slips that are No Good.
Casey:
Is intentional nip slip?
Jeff:
No. It’s…
Casey:
I don’t get it. I’m totally lost.
Jeff:
It’s the nip slip…
Casey:
You lost me somewhere.
Jeff:
That has been stretched. You’ve taken the nip, which is a normal nip…
Casey:
Oh, I see…
Jeff:
You over inflate the nip…
Casey:
Right, I see what you’re saying. Okay.
Jeff:
Leading to the, you know, sliding glass door nip.
Casey:
You’re saying that the artificial… The enhanced nip is not a good nip necessarily?
Jeff:
Right, the stretched nip is not a good nip.
Casey:
Stretched nip? Okay. So it’s like a facelift one too many times, right?
Jeff:
Yes, exactly. That’s the No Good.
Casey:
It’s like the closer.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
If the closer is your nip slip situation, it’s no good.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
That’s one of the bad nips.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Then there’s also, like, just the nips that slipped accidentally…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And even the owner of said nips would not like these nips to see the light of day. There are bad nips, right…
Casey:
Oh, okay. So this is just a bad situation. It’s like, “I wish that hadn’t slipped out.”
Jeff:
Right. Nips that are, like, more than half the breast are no good.
Casey:
Oh…
Jeff:
Like, nips that have been… If you were taking the breast…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And dipping it in a chocolate made of nip… Like, a strawberry being dipped in chocolate and you overdipped the strawberry and you end up with too much nip to breast, that’s no good, okay. So we have overstretched, too much nip to breast, right…
Casey:
Oh, my God…
Jeff:
While good…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
While still satisfying curiosity…
Casey:
You wish you didn’t know?
Jeff:
You wish you didn’t know.
Casey:
It’s like curiosity killed the cat.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It’s a cat situation there.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It was like, “I really wanted to know what was behind door # 2, I opened it up and it turns out to be a donkey,” right. It’s exactly what I didn’t want when I chose that instead of the bread maker or whatever’s behind door # 1. Got it. Okay.
Jeff:
So in the Monty Hall nip situation…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You have girl next door nips…
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
Overinflated nips…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And the you have the too m--… Too dipped.
Casey:
Right, the dipped nips.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And you have to choose one door and you’re just hoping for the girl next door nip.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
That’s the good.
Casey:
There’s only 3…
Jeff:
The other two are bad.
Casey:
There’s only 3?
Jeff:
Those are primary classifications.
Casey:
The 3 primary classifications…
Jeff:
Now there’s maybe some sub-classifications that we could talk about another time…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
But those are the ones that you really are looking for the girl next door nip.
Casey:
But wait a minute, if there’s a girl next door nip, where’s the goddess nip? Like, “Oh, these are just fa--… Like, they’re 2 perfect, fabulous nipples that are not approachable.” The non-approachable nipples…
Jeff:
The non-approachable…
Casey:
If you have an approachable nipple…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
We have to have an unapproachable nipple. And that was not in your strata.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Where is that?
Jeff:
Those nips are generally kept under wraps, in my experience. You don’t usually see the good nips.
Casey:
Oh, really?
Jeff:
Yeah, just generally, the celebrities that have the nips…
Casey:
But if you haven’t seen them, how do you know that that’s true? That seems like that can’t be…
Jeff:
Well, so you’re saying that, like, the fact that we’ve never seen them doesn’t mean that they don’t exist?
Casey:
No. What I’m saying is why are you saying that when you haven’t seen them? Why are you assuming that the fact that you haven’t seen them means that they’re great?
Jeff:
Well, I’m not assuming that…
Casey:
Wishful thinking?
Jeff:
I’m saying that of the nips that you run into in CelebrityNip.com…
Casey:
Right. Yeah.
Jeff:
They generally are going to fall into 3 primary categories…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And those are the ones I would put as there…
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Now, true that you might get a great nip…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Like, an awesome nip…
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
The circumference to breast…
Casey:
Right, it’s the Golden Mean or something…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s some kind of the Grecian…
Jeff:
The Golden Nip…
Casey:
The Grecian formula…
Jeff:
Right. But that is only to be aspired to.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And again, the other… 67% of the time, you’re gonna get nips you don’t want to see.
Casey:
Yeah, you rounded it up there, didn’t you? I see what you did.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Alright. And since it’s 67%, I guess that means it’s…
Jeff:
No Good.
Casey:
No Good?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
In general, on the average…
Casey:
It’s No Good.
Jeff:
It’s No Good.
Casey:
But once in a while, it might be good.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
And there is some amount of goodness from just the curiosity is satisfied.
Casey:
Alright. That’s our first…
Jeff:
That work for you?
Casey:
Slightly Good that we’ve ever had. So that’s a good…
Jeff:
That’s probably the best we’re ever gonna do.
Casey:
That’s it. So 67% No Good…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Is probably the high watermark for Good is what you’re saying?
Jeff:
I guess so. That’s true.
Casey:
Alright. Well, not much to look forward to now, is there?
Jeff:
Damn it. Oh, my goodness. Alright, everybody, well, again, thank you for listening.
Casey:
Yes, thank you very much for listening. We hope you’ve enjoyed ourselves… Ourselves? We hope you’ve enjoyed us and all that that implies.
Jeff:
Go to the new website at JeffAndCaseyShow.com.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
And always drop us an email at Podcast@JeffAndCaseyShow.com.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Alright, thanks, everybody.
Casey:
Take it easy. We’ll see you next week.
Jeff:
Thanks, bye.
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casey muratori
the jeff and casey show - season 1 - episode 25
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