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Bio
The Technician
No Imperfections Noted
The Jeff and Casey Show
Jeff and Casey Time
Casey Muratori
Seattle, WA
The Canadian Oil Sands Company of Comedy
"A hundred and eighty, hopefully..."
Original air date: July 9th, 2008
Topics. Jeff drives through. Deaf relationships. Business class seats. World sandwich. Jeff’s Ferrari breakdown. Jeff’s lame links. The origins of sleeze. Jeff’s comedy oil sands. Jeff’s mustang. The 4th of July. Redline. Office auditions. Wall-eye. Casey is the talent. Disabled models.
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Transcript
Jeff:
Damn it. Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Jeff & Casey Show.
Casey:
Hello, welcome to the Jeff & Casey Show Afterdark.
Jeff:
Yes, this is…
Casey:
The special night time sexy edition of the podcast…
Jeff:
Well, we did some late ones before but not when they were late to us. That is, we have done…
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
Well, we’ve recorded late at night before. But it was when…
Casey:
Once… Have we?
Jeff:
No, a couple times.
Casey:
A couple times?
Jeff:
It was when we… It was early for us. We had just gotten up, although it was late. This time, it’s actually late for us…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So we’re gonna be a little dopey.
Casey:
We’ll see. There was that one time we recorded…
Jeff:
Yep. And this is Jeff & Casey, by the way. I'm Jeff.
Casey:
Oh, and I am Casey.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
But I think I remember that one that we recorded… There was one that we recorded wherein I had been up for a ridiculously long time. It was the morning. It was, like, 11 or 12 o’clock…
Jeff:
Oh, okay.
Casey:
When we were recording it. But I had been up since… That was the longest for me. This is like… I still normally wouldn’t be in bed yet for today.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
So it’s all good.
Jeff:
But we usually do it… We get up and we do our caffeine and do it.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
This time…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It is late because you’re going to Canada. I’m going to Oregon.
Casey:
Yeah, I probably will go to Canada tomorrow.
Jeff:
Yes. And so…
Casey:
And you’re going to Oregon.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
So we’re going in opposite directions from Seattle, basically.
Jeff:
That’s true.
Casey:
You are going south and I’m going north.
Jeff:
That’s true.
Casey:
And if we kept going, we would come back…
Jeff:
We would meet…
Casey:
We would cross… No, where would we cross? I don’t know where we’d cross.
Jeff:
The opposite…
Casey:
India or something?
Jeff:
I would think Africa.
Casey:
Africa?
Jeff:
Yeah, but I don’t know. Those are the kind of things that… Yeah, it’s hard to just…
Casey:
Oh, yeah, you’re right. Because we’ll end up flipped on the equator.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
From where we are here.
Jeff:
And in the opposite side…
Casey:
The same distance and on the opposite side, as well.
Jeff:
It probably will…
Casey:
So you’re right, it would be lower.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It couldn’t be in India. It’s too high.
Jeff:
It’s probably…
Casey:
Even if that was the right… Which it probably isn’t…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
That’s probably too far east, actually. Or west, depending on how you look at it. But too far around.
Jeff:
We’d have trouble, no matter what.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Probably somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. Do you remember the thing of making a sandwich out of the world?
Casey:
No. I don’t know what that means and it will probably taste terrible.
Jeff:
There was a web thing where people…
Casey:
And it’s very hot in the middle.
Jeff:
This guy wanted to make the… I can’t remember the name of the site. He actually had a pretty good little…
Casey:
WorldsBiggestSandwich.com?
Jeff:
He had a pretty good vidcast that he stopped doing after… He did one every single day for a year.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And he prepared the videos. So it was a lot of work.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
But one of his things was make the sandwich out of the world.
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
Well, he had a web thing that would match people where they lived with somebody who lived in the exact opposite side of the world…
Casey:
Oh, okay.
Jeff:
And they both put buns down at the right time of day so that the world was the meat. I’ll look up…
Casey:
That is…
Jeff:
Because that… He had a lot of clever things. In fact, a lot of things you’ve seen before where you went, “Oh, hey, that little internet meme,” he came up with a lot of those early ones. I just can’t remember his name.
Casey:
Here’s what I will say. Anyone who thinks that technology has not led to progress clearly has not seen a site like this.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
You know what else they haven’t seen, Jeff?
Jeff:
Tell me.
Casey:
I’ll tell you this right now. Anyone who says that technology has not led to progress…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Right. Or the internet specifically, computers and the internet, interconnectivity… They have not been on the receiving end of any of your links.
Jeff:
My links are… Yeah.
Casey:
This week, I just want to bring our listeners up to speed with the kinds of things that I received this week because people think…
Jeff:
These are just links…
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
These are just links…
Casey:
Links from you.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Things you sent me.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Right. Because people think I’m making it up when I say that you send me a link that’s like “500-pound squirrel” or whatever, right?
Jeff:
No. That’s what awesome is, like, now, I can already tell, like, “Oh, this is going to Casey.” I can’t wait.
Casey:
Yeah. Right. It’s a reinforcing thing now.
Jeff:
Yes, totally.
Casey:
Like, the fact that I’m so outraged by the low quality of things is only driving the quality…
Jeff:
No, the awesome quality.
Casey:
Lower…
Jeff:
No, the awesome quality.
Casey:
You sent me a link with the title “Ninja Squirrel”, okay.
Jeff:
“Ninja Squirrel”.
Casey:
That was a subject line that you typed in.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
You typed in “Ninja Squirrel”.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
And it was a picture of a squirrel that was just in between 2 trees. That was the photo. It was a photo of a squirrel in between 2 trees, Jeff.
Jeff:
With one leg on one tree, one leg on the other tree…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Looking right at you because he’s the ninja squirrel. Awesome.
Casey:
This is only…
Jeff:
Awesome.
Casey:
Like, remember when I was saying… You would send me a video… You would send me a link if it was just an animal looking at the camera. That’s basically what this was.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
It was basically an animal looking at the camera. And you’re like, “It just has to go to Casey.”
Jeff:
I’m fine the animals that break the 4th wall for Casey. That makes the…
Casey:
So then the other one that I got, actually, from you was also fabulous. It was a video.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I got a video from you and it was called, like, singer… Like, “Woman’s Earring Attaches to Singer”, right?
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
“Woman’s Earring Attaches to Singer”, that was it.
Jeff:
That was awesome.
Casey:
And it was literally just an earring, someone earring gets caught on a singer…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
And it takes a while for her to get it off.
Jeff:
No, she…
Casey:
That is the video.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
That is the video.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Nothing happened in this video.
Jeff:
No. What did happen is the dude is… He continues singing…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Like, he gets down on his knees. He’s singing so passionately. She remains hooked. There’s 2 points in the videos where… Okay, so he bends down. She has to bend down. She’s hooked to, like, his middle of his chest. There’s a spot in the video where the camera is trying to zoom up on just the singer to avoid the woman getting seen. And you can see her pointing to her ear ‘cos they didn’t crop it enough and she’s pointing, trying to tell the people that…
Casey:
But Jeff…
Jeff:
She’s not just hugging the dude and can’t let go. It’s awesome.
Casey:
But no, the thing is nothing…
Jeff:
Awesome.
Casey:
If I just say the words. If I just say, “Woman gets earring caught on singer,” right…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Nothing that doesn’t immediately come to mind about that…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Was in this video. It was literally just that. It was literally just a woman whose ear was against a man for 45 seconds.
Jeff:
So, wait. Are you…
Casey:
That’s it.
Jeff:
Wait. Are you complaining that I should say “spoiler alert” or something in my subject header?
Casey:
No. I’m just saying that’s not newsworthy, right.
Jeff:
It’s not newsworthy. It’s funny.
Casey:
It’s not funny.
Jeff:
It’s funny.
Casey:
What’s funny about it?
Jeff:
She was fucked and he kept singing.
Casey:
She wasn’t… And then, it comes off 45 seconds later. The earring comes off and she walks away.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Is that Charlie Chaplin? They didn’t have to do…
Jeff:
Rubbing her ear…
Casey:
It was just like, “We’re gonna have to get you the whole evening…”
Jeff:
Exactly. That was…
Casey:
“Without anyone realizing that my earring is stuck to your chest.” I don’t know if we can do that, right. It’s quick-drying glue.
Jeff:
That’s exactly Charlie Chaplin.
Casey:
No, but they didn’t have any of that. There was no Charlie Chaplin. It was just stuck to it.
Jeff:
No, there was. Okay. We’re gonna post the link. I guarantee people… Like, when he…
Casey:
No, they don’t. they don’t care.
Jeff:
When he’s doing his dance moves…
Casey:
They just don’t care.
Jeff:
And she’s trying to do them stooped over because her head is… She seems to be taller than the singer. And she’s stuck to his chest.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
So as he’s doing his little chachacha. She’s having to do the opposite with her head stuck to his thin. It’s awesome.
Casey:
Okay, is the equivalent… Like, if you took “Weekend at Bernie’s”, okay, and you changed the setting so they just had to get through his funeral with everyone not knowing, like… Or with him being dead…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
So they didn’t have to pretend at all…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Because there’s no reason to pretend…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
That’s what you sent me. You sent me basically that. You sent me a thing where the comedy is from the fact that they have to act like they’re not. But in this, they didn’t have to act like they weren’t.
Jeff:
No…
Casey:
They could just be stuck together. There was no problem with that.
Jeff:
No, there was…
Casey:
They just were…
Jeff:
The whole time, she’s trying to get… Okay. The whole time, she’s trying to get unconnected. He doesn’t realize. He thinks she’s just hugging him, right. That’s the whole comedy.
Casey:
There’s no indica-… That’s not necessarily true.
Jeff:
No, it is.
Casey:
How do we know that?
Jeff:
Look at their faces. That’s exactly what’s happening.
Casey:
You have constru--…
Jeff:
That…
Casey:
You are basically like a miner for comedy. You mine comedy out of, like… Where it doesn’t exist. You’re like a Canadian Oil Sands Company…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Of comedy…
Jeff:
That…
Casey:
Okay. That is what you are.
Jeff:
That video wasn’t even…
Casey:
In the future…
Jeff:
Wait, wait, wait.
Casey:
In the future…
Jeff:
Wait…
Casey:
When comedy, when actual funny comedy is gone…
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
You are gonna be… Your links are gonna be a big hit…
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Because there’s a little modicum of humor, there’s like 5 seconds of humor in it, right.
Jeff:
See, that’s just it…
Casey:
But right now, there’s still actual humor out there, right.
Jeff:
No. See, that’s the thing
Casey:
And we should be watching that.
Jeff:
That was hyster--… That wasn’t even one of my “I’m gonna send this to Casey just to fuck with his head” links. That was… I laughed the entire time. I sent you that because I thought it was funny.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
You’re killing me.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So hey, let me tell you something.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Today is the 4th of July.
Casey:
It’s the 4th of July.
Jeff:
It’s Independence Day.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And you are on…
Casey:
America…
Jeff:
Yeah, America. You were on a ferry today.
Casey:
That’s right. Actually, I was… Well, for the 4th of July…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I went over to Vashon Island for the 4th of July.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
And the one thing I will say… This is… I don’t really know how this works out. The Vashon Island… I probably shouldn’t say this on the air but I guess I am anyway… Due to the very small number of listeners of the podcast, I think we’re probably safe…
Jeff:
We’re okay. Alright.
Casey:
The 5 people who will know about it after this is people who I could have accidentally mentioned it to in passing. Their fireworks display is more extravagant than any City of Seattle fireworks display. Like, their fireworks display lasts 30 minutes and has substantially more fireworks than our New Years at the Space Needle does
Jeff:
Really?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Because…
Casey:
It is fucking ridiculous. I was like… I kept waiting for it to end. It never ended.
Jeff:
Wow.
Casey:
It just kept going, massive fire--… Like, huge…
Jeff:
Good finale?
Casey:
Oh, the finale had so many things going on at once, you couldn’t tell, like, what was exploding. The sky was filled with particles…
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Completely un-parse-able. I didn’t even know what was going on.
Jeff:
I climbed up on the roof…
Casey:
And it was in the… We were on a boat in, like, a harbor area…
Jeff:
That’s always good.
Casey:
And so the sound was having this, like, many-tapped echo effect as it rippled back.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
So we had, like, this shockwave blow by you and then back towards you again. It was pretty awesome.
Jeff:
It was good action.
Casey:
It was pretty impressive.
Jeff:
Yeah, I…
Casey:
But anyway, yeah, so I had to take a ferry back over here…
Jeff:
Well, I…
Casey:
After that, yeah…
Jeff:
John figured out how to get on the roof so we watched them up on the roof at RAD. So we could see both, like…
Casey:
I guess I didn’t realize that…
Jeff:
Bellevue and Seattle’s… And they’ve got something to…
Casey:
Oh, wait. No. I do know about the roof, right. Weren’t we out there sort of the time when there was that auction, when there was, like, a web company… Remember back…
Jeff:
No, this is even higher than that?
Casey:
Oh, really?
Jeff:
This is one level above that.
Casey:
That was the worst auction ever. Do you remember that auction? That was like… This was back, like, at the dot com bust…
Jeff:
Auctions are always…
Casey:
When, like, all the web companies went under…
Jeff:
The only way to get a good deal at an auction is to bid on the very first item because everybody’s scared to buy.
Casey:
Oh, really?
Jeff:
Yes. ‘Cos when I went to an auction, I bought a whole bunch of desks. There was, like, 5 desks in this thing. And I was like, “25 bucks,” and the guy goes, “Sold.” And everyone goes… And the next one went for, like, 500 bucks.
Casey:
Oh, did he… ‘Cos he wanted…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
He intentionally wanted the first thing to go for cheap…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
To get it rolling?
Jeff:
Right. Always bid on the first item. And then you can go. Because the rest of the stuff is never a good deal.
Casey:
I see. Well, here’s what I will say about that auction is that I am right now, if I’m not very much mistaken, I believe that right now I’m actually sitting in a chair that was purchased at that auction.
Jeff:
At the auction…
Casey:
Am I wrong about that?
Jeff:
I think that’s… Is that the blue one?
Casey:
I feel like this was. Yeah.
Jeff:
Yeah, that’s one of them.
Casey:
Yep. Anyway, what was that? It was called Edge 2 Net or something.
Jeff:
Yeah, or something.
Casey:
I can’t imagine what they did. I’m sure it was fabulous.
Jeff:
It was…
Casey:
But they had, like, a full floor of people. I think they were, like, what, like an ISP or something?
Jeff:
They were like the Web 1.0-ers.
Casey:
Oh, really?
Jeff:
You know, they couldn’t…
Casey:
They didn’t have the 2.0?
Jeff:
They didn’t pull it off.
Casey:
They didn’t know how to upgrade to 2.0?
Jeff:
Oh…
Casey:
They made it to, like, 1.1A…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And that was it?
Jeff:
Well, so, this is the 4th of July, the evening of the 4th of July.
Casey:
It is the 4th of July.
Jeff:
You were coming back on the ferry.
Casey:
I was coming back on the ferry. And I’m going to Canada tomorrow. I found out late…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
That I was going to Canada tomorrow which meant that the podcasting wouldn’t be happening tomorrow.
Jeff:
So we had to bring it to our listeners…
Casey:
Yes, that’s right.
Jeff:
Late. Yes. This is Jeff & Casey After Dark.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
But…
Casey:
But I had a request. Because one thing that I guess the people don’t realize is that, you know, I’m the talent, clearly. So I have needs…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
That must be met…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Before I’m willing to podcast here.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I don’t just podcast…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You know, I need to have things in place.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right? Where’s my hors d’oeuvres tray, okay?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I need someone to fluff my hair, right, a little bit, to make it, you know… And to make me feel pampered…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Before I’m gonna go on the air…
Jeff:
Otherwise, I get a call from your agent.
Casey:
Exactly.
Jeff:
And that’s…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Nobody wants that.
Casey:
Right. Usually… Yeah, I don’t deal with these things, he does.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Yeah, certainly.
Jeff:
So your agent IM-ed me and said…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
“I need a South West Chicken Burger.”
Casey:
Right. You see, this is further evidence that I’m the talent is normally it’d just be like, “Can you pick me up something to snack,” or something, right?
Jeff:
Specific…
Casey:
But I was like, no…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
What I need before the podcast is a South West Chicken Sandwich…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
From McDonald’s…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I know it’s open 24 hours…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
In this area…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Now this, if my Electronic Arts employers heard me request…
Jeff:
This is true.
Casey:
Specifically requesting a South West Chicken Sandwich from McDonald’s than at Burger King, that would not go over well.
Jeff:
Well, it’s good that…
Casey:
But, you know…
Jeff:
EA executives don’t know how to use an iPod.
Casey:
That is a very good point. Yes. The fact that they’ve never actually used any of the devices on which they ship titles is certainly a plus, right?
Jeff:
Right. They’re still Windows 95 and USB crashes on it.
Casey:
Well, actually… Yeah. I’m sure they… Like, I bet that the executives at EA probably have 360’s at their home and stuff. And maybe their kids know how to use them or something. But they’re like, “I can’t figure out how to launch the games.”
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
“How do you launch the games? Is that in a different menu? Where do I go for that?”
Jeff:
I can’t even figure out how to use my 360. So let’s not… But yes, that would be true. So yes, so I stopped over… And now, I haven’t been to McDonald’s in years. I don’t… I…
Casey:
Yes, you have because you and I have gone there before together late night.
Jeff:
With the podcast?
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
For podcast foods. Right.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So I went there…
Casey:
But I’m just pointing out the fact that you said you hadn’t been there in years but you’ve been there last month.
Jeff:
Well, no. But I mean, I don’t go there. Like, it’s… I don’t…
Casey:
You don’t hang in McDonald’s…
Jeff:
Well, I just don’t have anything to get there…
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Because everything they have, even their fries, are animal fat fries. Anyway…
Casey:
I thought they stopped using the animal fat in their fries or something…
Jeff:
Oh, did they?
Casey:
So that they could serve vegetarians the fries.
Jeff:
I thought that’s why they were yummy or something.
Casey:
I don’t fucking know, dude.
Jeff:
Anyway…
Casey:
They’re yummy because they have 12 pounds of saturated fat in them.
Jeff:
That’s very true.
Casey:
I don’t think they give a shit if they got it from lard or from some synthetic polymer that somebody at McDonald’s corporate invented specifically for fries…
Jeff:
“We get them from candles,” right?
Casey:
Yeah, that’s right. We just drop a candle into the melting oil or whatever…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Well, so I go there…
Casey:
Alright, so you went to McDonald’s to get me my South West Chicken Sandwich.
Jeff:
Right. So I roll up to the drive-thru…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And I say, “Give me two South West Burgers.” And she goes, “What?” And I go, “South West Burgers.” She’s like, “What?”
Casey:
Yeah, what is that?
Jeff:
And I look on the menu and there’s… It’s a Southern Chicken…
Casey:
Sorry, Southern…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And I’m like…
Casey:
Sorry, I got the name wrong.
Jeff:
Yeah, yeah. Well, first off, like, why is she giving me shit? She obviously… I mean, this is not…
Casey:
Oh, what else could [ you mean here? ]
Jeff:
There’s nothing… I mean, it’s obvious what I want.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
I go, “It’s the Southern Chicken Burger.” She’s like, “Fine,” like, kind of short with me.
Casey:
Whoa.
Jeff:
She’s like…
Casey:
A little attitude-y there…
Jeff:
Right. And she’s… And so then I go, “Okay. Let me also get a thing of fries?” And she goes, “What?” And I go, “A thing of fries.”
Casey:
Okay. That is not ambiguous.
Jeff:
Right. And she goes, “What do you mean?” And I go…
Casey:
“Fries. A fucking thing of fries.”
Jeff:
I go, “I don’t know. A medium, a McFries, I don’t know what you call them.” And she’s like, “Fine. Come to the second window.” And I’m like, I’ve never seen someone this pedantic over, like, being so specific.
Casey:
Yeah. Well, okay, let’s be honest here, Jeff.
Jeff:
So wait… Wait, let me finish and then you can go over this.
Casey:
Okay. Alright.
Jeff:
So I roll up to the drive-thru and they’re playing mariachi music at 500 decibels. It’s just pouring out, okay. Now, I’m not Captain America…
Casey:
So that’s why she couldn’t hear you.
Jeff:
Yeah. I’m not Captain America…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
But it’s fucking July 4th, not Cinco de Mayo…
Casey:
Right, good point.
Jeff:
And you’re… Like, where did you get, like, the lady who grades English papers taking orders.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It’s like, “I’m sorry. We don’t sell the South West Burger. We sell the Southern Eastern Burger,” or whatever. And I was like… I was all sweaty and mad as I drove away. And this was… Like, there was no reason for any of it. She could’ve just said, “Okay.” And I would’ve gotten my and it would’ve all been fine. So…
Casey:
This is one of those things that’s like… This invariably happens to me is I’ll be, like, flying in an airplane…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Right? I’ll be flying in an airplane in Business Class or something, right.
Jeff:
Yeah, that’s how you roll.
Casey:
And I’m, like, relaxed or something. I have my laptop plugged into laptop portable power or something. And I’ll be, like, “Man, it’s really stupid that they don’t have internet on these things,” ‘cos they could totally do that easy, right? It’s like, you’re 30,000 feet above the ground. You’re travelling at, like, 700 miles per hour. You are having your portable computing device, which can do the equivalent of many rooms worth of computers out of the 1960’s or something, right… Running off of power that you’re getting from the airplane. And I am bothered by the fact that they have not yet installed a wireless internet thing into the plane, right…
Jeff:
No, you could be bothered…
Casey:
This is the same thing…
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
This is exactly the same thing as what you just had which was, like… Okay, it’s like 1 in the morning on the 4th of July and you’re getting served a chicken sandwich in under a minute for $4 and you’re like, “The person really could’ve been sweeter to me…”
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
“On the other side of the microphone,” right?
Jeff:
Yes. But that’s true. Both things you just said are not to be impressed with.
Casey:
No. I know. So I’m not saying that we shouldn’t do that…
Jeff:
I mean, we’re not dragging a Univac on the airplane and then going…
Casey:
Right. Sure. Yeah.
Jeff:
“Yeah, this matches up really well.”
Casey:
Well, but it’s just a point about, like…
Jeff:
Hey, it’s John Miles.
Casey:
That is the engineer mentality…
Jeff:
Hold on a second. It’s John Miles. Come say hello to our listeners.
Casey:
Oh, dude.
John:
Hello, Casey. Hello, Jeff.
Casey:
Hey, John.
Jeff:
You want to come be on the show today?
John:
Good night.
Jeff:
You’re going to… [ Good night ]? So those are the tools?
John:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Oh…
Casey:
Why don’t you grab a microphone?
Jeff:
My friend, John, has an awesome set of tools. John is…
Casey:
What is he doing?
John:
[inaudible 19:05]
Casey:
Oh, what are you doing with the tools? What tools do you have?
Jeff:
It’s for my… I’m gonna fix the Atom tomorrow.
Casey:
Oh, the Ariel Atom?
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
The Accelerator? You’re gonna fix it yourself?
Jeff:
Yep, here’s the gas…
Casey:
Ah… So you can drive it [ in the summer. ]
Jeff:
Alright. Thanks, John. See ya.
Casey:
Take it easy, dude.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
John Miles, ladies and gentlemen.
Jeff:
John Miles. So no… Yes, I want to put the new… My Accelerator pedal is a drive-by wire pedal…
Casey:
Wait, let’s back it up here because I don’t think people know the car… The only thing that listeners know about your car situation is that you don’t know how to pick up women in a Ferrari.
Jeff:
That’s…
Casey:
You’re, like, the one guy with a Ferrari… Well, used to have a Ferrari…
Jeff:
Well, we can talk about that…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
In terms of the movie I watched recently in a minute.
Casey:
Yeah. Oh, you know what I should mention about that, too?
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Was, like… What was the deal with the Ferrari… When you sold the Ferrari…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
’Cos it never worked. Like, it kept having that problem where the engine would think that it had a problem and it would shut off the engine ‘cos the wheels were, like… It thought the wheels were coming off or something?
Jeff:
No, that was a different thing.
Casey:
You know what I’m talking about?
Jeff:
That was a different thing.
Casey:
Oh, that was a different thing?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
You sold it because it never worked even though it was new, basically.
Jeff:
Yeah, it just was… It was just trouble all the time. It was always broken.
Casey:
So my question is, like, whoever buys it after you…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Do they fix these problems or do they just live with it? They’re just like, “We’re fine with these problems. We just want a Ferrari,” or something?
Jeff:
I think that either they complain about it all the time and eventually get it fixed or some people just are okay with the fact that their expensive car is unreliable.
Casey:
Okay. So it’s like, some people like having a high maintenance…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Girlfriend or boyfriend…
Jeff:
Well, it’s… Yeah…
Casey:
And they’re gonna complain about it but they like… That’s actually…
Jeff:
Part of it…
Casey:
They need that somehow, like, they need to feel like they’re constantly working on the thing on the car in order for it to be okay? It’s like the same thing?
Jeff:
So, yeah… So, no…
Casey:
Whereas you’re just like, “Why is this fucking never running?”
Jeff:
So I got that car…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I drove it back from Seattle…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
And I took… I think I took Mitch for a ride and then I was taking Alicia for a ride…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And it felt a little splashy…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
As I was driving back over the bridge.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
And I was driving back into Kirkland. And mind you, this was 2 hours after I bought the car…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And I’m driving along. And all of a sudden, it kinda goes… Like, the transmission’s not engaging and then goes… Stops and says “Transmission Failure”. And this is on, like, Lake Washington Drive on the Friday night. So it’s like 8 million people… I’m like…
Casey:
Stopping to look at the Ferrari, as well.
Jeff:
“Oh, cock…” It’s like, “Oh, dude,” and all this and I was just like… That’s the part I don’t like about fancy cars is the interaction with the humans.
Casey:
The attention?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
My ultimate car would be the one that drove like a Ferrari…
Casey:
But was invisible? It was perfectly… It was like a Wonder Woman car. You could not be seen…
Jeff:
Or it has, like, camouflage to look like something else.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
In any case…
Casey:
Oh, so like… Anyone who looks at it thinks it’s a Toyota Corolla…
Jeff:
Right. Like…
Casey:
But it actually is a Ferrari…
Jeff:
Like, remember the movie, “They Live”, where they wore the sunglasses and could see the skull?
Casey:
No, I’ve never seen that movie.
Jeff:
Anyway…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
That’s what I want. Anyway, so… Yeah, I can’t figure it out…
Casey:
Is that with the giant ants?
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Oh.
Jeff:
And I can’t… I tried a whole bunch of shifting in and out, trying to figure it out. And I can’t do it. I call Ferrari Roadside. It’s just a big disaster getting them out there. They were… You know, Friday night, getting a hold of them…
Casey:
Yeah, and on a Friday night, it’s hard because they have lots of Ferraris they’ve got to take care of.
Jeff:
Apparently, yes. So it was, like, 4 or 5 hours when they finally got there. We’ve been sitting there all day. It’s just been miserable. We finally… He finally comes and says… I say, “Dude, the transmission’s fucked up. I don’t know what’s going on?”
Casey:
Yeah, what the fuck?
Jeff:
And he’s like, “Alright, we’ll put it on the truck.” And then he comes back and goes, “Well, there’s your problem.”
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
And I go, “What?” And I look back there and the left rear tire had come off.
Casey:
Oh, it was just kind of sitting on there?
Jeff:
It rotated kind of under. So it’s as if the tire was down and it was sitting in the thing. And that’s why it was having these transmission errors. It couldn’t see that the tire was there.
Casey:
Jesus, ‘cos it wasn’t there.
Jeff:
It wasn’t there.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So, they’d forgotten to put the lug nuts on or something. So… Now, mind you, really, 10 minutes before then, I was going like 125 miles…
Casey:
You would’ve been in big fucking trouble.
Jeff:
I would’ve been in big… It could’ve been bad. If it was on the front, it would’ve definitely have been…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Game over.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
On the back, you may have been able to slow it to a stop…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
In any case, yeah, that was 2 hours after I bought it. So I bought it and then waited 3 weeks for them to fix all that and bring it back and then it was just disaster after disaster.
Casey:
Now, during this time when the Ferrari was on the side of the road in downtown Kirkland, here’s what I’m picturing… ‘Cos downtown Kirkland is… I guess I have… I’ve never really… I’ve been to LA once, right. I went down to LA one time to visit some friends, right. Atman was down there and of course, Doug lives down there.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right. So we were down there…
Jeff:
Your LA crew, basically.
Casey:
Well… No, not really because Atman was not in LA normally, right?
Jeff:
But they’re the LA crew. I’m just saying.
Casey:
Okay. Well, Doug technically is the LA crew. He’s permanently there.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
And Robin’s there now, too. But I mean, at the time it was only Doug I think. And so… Oh, and [ Alan Yu ], I guess.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Let’s say. But he wasn’t there at the time. But I mean… Is he still there? I don’t know. He was up there… He moved… I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t… You know, the fast-paced world of Los Angeles, I can’t keep up with it. It’s too fast for me.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s way too fast for me. I think Alan’s actually back in San Francisco now or something like that. But anyway, point being, went down to Los Angeles and experienced some first class sleaze, like the real sleaze, the kind… The place where they set the standard of sleaze where other parts of the country that want to be sleazy look to for that, right…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
That kind of thing…
Jeff:
I think that you’re really not there yet but…
Casey:
What do you mean?
Jeff:
The sleaze capital of the world is Vegas, not LA.
Casey:
Well, okay. I’ve never been to Vegas so maybe that’s really where I need to go to experience the full sleaze. But one thing I will say is that Kirkland… The Kirkland Waterfront is the second sleaziest place I’ve ever been, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Okay?
Jeff:
On the weekend, it’s pretty sleazy.
Casey:
It’s so sleazy that it’s like… I am impressed… I don’t know where it comes from, right. It’s one of those things like in the old days… I don’t know if you remember… I’m sure you have. Like, they always tell the story. I don’t know if it’s apocryphal or not. But they always tell the story of like, oh, a long time ago or if you believe in Jesus now, one or the other, you think that maggots come from meat, right?
Jeff:
Oh, my God.
Casey:
Like, people thought that they just spontaneously occurred, right? So if you’re a religious person living today or if you were, like, an uneducated person living in that time or if you’re just really old so before science figured it out, right…
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Any of those things is true, you think the maggots come from meat, right. So I’ve always been taught that in science class. They’re like, they thought the maggots came from meat until they figured it out, right. That is where… I am in that space as far as sleaze. Like, I don’t know where it comes from. As far as I know, the Kirkland Waterfront, the sleaze comes out of it, right.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Like, I don’t know… It’s obviously like… My science brain is going, “No, there’s a fly and it comes and it lands on the Kirkland Waterfront and it lays the sleaze and then the sleaze happens. And you just didn’t see that part because you weren’t there at the time…”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But you know, I still don’t know what that fly is. I’m sure it’s probably an SUV of some kind.
Jeff:
No, no…
Casey:
But I don’t really know.
Jeff:
No. It’s alcohol. That’s the thing. That’s what has… Like, you start out… You go down to the Kirkland Waterfront Saturday afternoon, it’s okay. It’s pretty. It’s beautiful. It’s sunny. You’ve got the waves and all that.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
6 o’clock, the alcohol has started to ferment the meat.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Right, it’s turning…
Casey:
It’s turning…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s going wrong…
Jeff:
By about 11 PM, it’s just…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I mean, that’s the reason why the Kirkland Waterfront is popular is there’s, like, a bar every 10 feet.
Casey:
That’s true. Yeah.
Jeff:
So anyway, yeah, it is…
Casey:
Okay. So it’s so sleazy, right… Like, this is another aspect of the Ferrari picking up chicks thing, right, is I’m assuming that basically what you could do is take a hand truck or something, right? Or just basically something that would allow you to pull the Ferrari down that road. And if you started with it empty, there would be a bunch of really skanky women in it by the time you got to that light that’s on Market and Lake Washington Boulevard. You know what I’m talking about?
Jeff:
Like…
Casey:
So I’m picturing you stopped with this car in the side of the road. I’m picturing you having to, like, push sort of skanks out of the car to keep it from filling up or getting weighed down while the dude is trying to tow it, you know what I’m saying?
Jeff:
We did have 2 skank stops that evening.
Casey:
Yeah. Okay. Alright.
Jeff:
And Alicia and Vanessa were there. And Alicia would’ve just been rolling her eyes. But Vanessa…
Casey:
Lost her shit?
Jeff:
Is agro… No, she’s just agro. She’s just like, “Get out of here, you skanks,” and they…
Casey:
Really?
Jeff:
Yeah. And they drove away. So we waited forever…
Casey:
Nice, Venus.
Jeff:
The best one that we had was this dude…
Casey:
Yeah, leave it to Vanessa.
Jeff:
That pulled over. And he was pretty much exactly… What’s his name? The dude in “Swingers”…
Casey:
Oh, Vince Vaughn?
Jeff:
Vince Vaughn. He’s like…
Casey:
Awesome.
Jeff:
“So, you got a Ferrari there. [ What have you got ]? Yeah, my dad’s got a Ferrari. You know, we like to drive it like that. You know what you need? You’ve got to do the [ reset ]. You do the [ reset ], you pick a tranny. I got the tranny.” Someone pulls up next to us while he’s talking to me. And they’re like, “Oh, man. You racing?” He’s like, “Yeah, we’re racing. What you got? You don’t know how to do it? C’mon, what are you thinking? Get on out of here? What are you thinking? I don’t roll like that?” I mean, he was talking shit to people walking by…
Casey:
He’s just literally… He was talking shit for you…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
To somebody else…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
He didn’t stop talking…
Casey:
That’s awesome.
Jeff:
It was the only good part about it.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I think I emailed right after this because he was pretty hysterical.
Casey:
That is pretty hysterical.
Jeff:
His mouth was going the entire time.
Casey:
That’s awesome.
Jeff:
He didn’t notice the tire was under the car, either. I didn’t, you know…
Casey:
Oh, okay.
Jeff:
Think he looked there. Anyway, so yeah…
Casey:
It’s unlikely that he thought that a reset would fix a tire that had come off of the car. So yeah, he probably didn’t know this.
Jeff:
Well, he… At this time, we all thought it was the transmission.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So, yeah…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Anyway, it was not a good… That was, like, 2 hours into it and, yeah, just a whole bunch of… From then on, mostly the problem was… So I think if I bought the 6-speed, I would’ve been fine. I bought the F-1 transmission which is the computer-controlled clutch.
Casey:
It was too much? She was too much tech in there fucking around?
Jeff:
So basically, with the F-1 transmission, you pay $25,000 to have the computer control the clutch and the computer basically drives like a 15-year old that doesn’t know how to drive a stick shift. Like, when you pull away from the stop sign, it goes… It spins the tires and your heads going back and forth. Or… That’s either one thing…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Or it doesn’t do it… It errs the other way.
Casey:
It’s like…
Jeff:
And when you take off, it’s like, really slow. But it’s revving the engine. When you hit the gas, the…
Casey:
This is only if you have the automatic. You can shift it yourself still, right?
Jeff:
No, no, no. It’s only F-1.
Casey:
Why did you get that?
Jeff:
So it’s just paddles.
Casey:
Why did you get that?
Jeff:
Because that’s… Everybody gets that. In fact, it’s hard to find one that’s not that. It hurts the resell not to have the F-1 transmission.
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
So you still…
Casey:
I would have thought the Ferrari people would want a stick, would want a fucking stick…
Jeff:
You still have to use the paddles. There’s never… Was there a Ferrari like the Aston… I can’t remember if there’s a mode that says shift when you need to…
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
But you use paddles. So shifting, you’re just hitting just like the racecar drivers here…
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
They don’t use sticks anymore in anything.
Casey:
Weird. ‘Cos that’s… ’Cos I guess maybe if you’re racing it makes sense. But in terms of the enjoyment of driving a car…
Jeff:
Yeah…
Casey:
Shifting with the stick shift is way fucking more fun even if it’s way less useful.
Jeff:
Well, yeah. All the F-1 [ does is ] make a car that’s too fast faster.
Casey:
Right, it’s like you were already really concerned about that action ‘cos like…
Jeff:
Well, it’s…
Casey:
You can’t really do it anywhere, anyway.
Jeff:
It’s not something that an amateur’s gonna notice with difference. Anyway, so when it errs the other way, you hit the gas. It can’t modulate your gas. The gas is still… The engine’s revving up. So it’s trying to control that. It lets the clutch out. So, you…
Casey:
Oh…
Jeff:
Or it goes…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And you pull ahead and then it just smells like clutch.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
All you smell is the burning thing.
Casey:
Ugh…
Jeff:
It was horrible.
Casey:
Yeah, that isn’t…
Jeff:
That is not the way it should go.
Casey:
Okay. But so, basically, what we’re trying to… The thing that we’ve been circumlocuting this entire time is… So Jeff got rid of the Ferrari.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
And in place of the Ferrari in terms of speed, he bought this ridiculous contraption that looks kind of like someone took a Formula 1 racer and took all the shit off of it so it’s just the skeleton…
Jeff:
It’s good action.
Casey:
Of a Formula 1 racer. And it’s basically a motorcycle with 4 wheels, let’s be honest.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
That’s what it is.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
It’s a motorcycle that has 4 wheels so it can corner better.
Jeff:
Yep. Most people wear helmets with it and all that.
Casey:
Yeah. It’s an Ariel Atom? Right?
Jeff:
Yeah. There’s no windshield…
Casey:
Okay. I still have not gone on the Ariel Atom. I was too scared to do it originally.
Jeff:
I actually was going to put this in tomorrow before the podcast then we’d go for a ride and melt your face off and we’ll talk about it.
Casey:
Alright. We’ll do that next time. Alright…
Jeff:
But…
Casey:
Well, you know what, if you want to lend me the car for tomorrow, I bet we could get to Canada in an hour and a half.
Jeff:
You could… Well, it doesn’t go super top speed because…
Casey:
No, I’m just thinking about outrunning the cops, the maneuverability…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
They’d never catch me.
Jeff:
If you were going to rob a bank…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You’d want to use the Ariel Atom.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Yes. And it doesn’t go that fast…
Casey:
Speaking of that, when I was at the 4th of July… I have a bank robbery story. It’s not really a story. It’s not a story. It’s not what I meant. I just have a thing to say about bank robbery.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Apparently, someone robbed a bank in west Seattle and fled to downtown Seattle and they shot him. They killed him.
Jeff:
It was on Broadway…
Casey:
Or, no… He didn’t die. They just shot him. Some people who worked in the building were at the 4th of July thing that I was at and they were talking about it. I was like, “What?” This is just one of the things that I don’t hear about because I don’t read the local news. Like the fact that they fucking bored under First Hill already for the transit system…
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Never do that. How do they bore under the whole fucking city and I don’t even know? You don’t even feel it.
Jeff:
Right. The great big…
Casey:
Yeah. I don’t know any of this shit that’s happening.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I never know these things.
Jeff:
I did know about the bank robbery because…
Casey:
You did? It was on Slog or something?
Jeff:
Yeah…
Casey:
I know you like to read Slog.
Jeff:
The Stranger is up near you guys on the 15th and they’re always writing about the local news…
Casey:
Oh, yeah.
Jeff:
And they were writing about the fact that there were 8 million cops going up the thing. They’re always kind of posting what’s going on over there.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Yes, it was crazy. But yeah, so the car thing… I am a car addict…
Casey:
Alright. Ariel Atom…
Jeff:
Yeah. I’m gonna fix the Ariel then…
Casey:
You’re gonna fix it. You used to actually work on cars in earnest, right, in your earlier days?
Jeff:
In earlier days…
Casey:
You used to, like, take motors out or things like this or fix them up…
Jeff:
A pair of shitty pliers and a butter knife…
Casey:
You’d go to town.
Jeff:
It’s what we used to say. We could take our old Camaro apart.
Casey:
Nice.
Jeff:
But yeah, it’s time consuming and it’s way better if you have a garage (which I don’t have right now).
Casey:
Yes, gotcha.
Jeff:
But in any case, yeah, I’m gonna plug that in and then do the action. But yeah, so I do… I am very shallow and like fast cars…
Casey:
Why is that shallow?
Jeff:
I don’t know. Because I think it’s supposed to be…
Casey:
It’s shallow if you’re trying to shack up with someone because they have a fast car.
Jeff:
Oh, I see.
Casey:
You just fucking bought a fast car and you don’t know how to pick up women in it. So there’s nothing… You completely missed the shallow part of cars in either direction, am I wrong?
Jeff:
I think the shallowness is that you could spend the money on wiser things I think is how that it is looked on as a shallow purchase.
Casey:
No, okay. So, right. Not to be too semantic here but that is not shallow, right.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
That’s like consumerist, right. Like, you’re not buying something for the wrong reasons. You’re buying the thing for exactly what it is for. Like, you want to drive it and enjoy it.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Just like buying a video game console. It’s not shallow. It just may not be the best thing to do for the world with $300.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Right?
Jeff:
Alright, I’ll buy that.
Casey:
So anyway, continue.
Jeff:
Anyway, so yeah, I do like cars. I kind of have the fever right now so I don’t know what’s gonna happen.
Casey:
Oh, is there gonna be a trade-in or a new purchase?
Jeff:
I don’t know. But anyway…
Casey:
Let me ask you this, right…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It doesn’t seem like you’re getting rid of the truck anytime soon. So is the Aston Martin gonna go?
Jeff:
No--…
Casey:
’Cos you don’t tend to like to keep a big stable. If you get too many cars, you start to go stark crazy because [ you don’t know where to park them ].
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
So usually, you end up getting rid of one and replacing it with something more ridiculous.
Jeff:
I haven’t… Maybe get rid of the Aston… I don’t know.
Casey:
The Aston?
Jeff:
Or maybe I’ll keep that and get rid of the Ariel, even. I don’t know.
Casey:
Get rid of the Ariel? You don’t drive the Ariel very often at all, do you? You really don’t.
Jeff:
Well, I just… I only put 300 miles on it for 2 years.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So it’s not very…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It’s an exhausting… I mean, a lot of people don’t like convertibles because they’re tired after driving them.
Casey:
Oh, yeah?
Jeff:
So drive a car where there’s no windshield and you’re really tired. You feel like, “I spent a day at the beach.” But anyway…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I got a “Gumball Rally” which is a movie…
Casey:
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Jeff:
The dudes that used to run the can--… The original “Cannonball Run”.
Casey:
Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. I missed a car. I can’t believe I missed the most important car of all…
Jeff:
Oh, yeah. That’s awesome. Yeah.
Casey:
The Mustang.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I forgot the Mustang.
Jeff:
Did you…
Casey:
Worst car purchase ever.
Jeff:
Well, so…
Casey:
Ladies and gentlemen, if there’s one thing that I can pass on to you as vicarious advice, do not buy a car on Ebay. Just don’t. Just don’t do it.
Jeff:
No, all my cars I got… I got all my cars on Ebay. That’s fine. Don’t buy a pro streetcar unless you’re willing to work on it every weekend. That’s the thing. That was…
Casey:
That car, if you…
Jeff:
That’s not a Mustang, no. It’s really not.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
There was very little Mustang left in that.
Casey:
That shifter, I’ve never seen anything like that shifter in my life.
Jeff:
Yeah. Did you go for a ride on it?
Casey:
I refused to, if you remember correctly.
Jeff:
Oh, that’s right. You thought you were gonna die.
Casey:
Now, here’s what I will say about that car.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I did sit… I think we drove from the office to your house once, like, 2 blocks. I was like, “You’re not allowed to go faster than 5 miles an hour,” right.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
If I remember correctly, purely the act of getting into the car made you reek of gasoline…
Jeff:
Yeah, you smelled like gasoline.
Casey:
The moment you got into it, right?
Jeff:
It is awesome.
Casey:
And you could not… It was like the car from that Seinfeld show where they stunk after or whatever…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
And it was like that for gasoline instead of BO.
Jeff:
You always knew when I drove that car.
Casey:
Oh, God. You stunk of gasoline.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It was like you worked at the fucking garage all day.
Jeff:
That was an awesome car.
Casey:
Ugh.
Jeff:
That was an awesome car.
Casey:
That car was terrible.
Jeff:
That was the one that if I dumped it, I could… Like my old car in high school, I could lift the front wheels right off the ground. It was awesome.
Casey:
God damn it.
Jeff:
It was awesome. But yeah, like the other ones… So the best thing about the Mustang is I took it into the guys that do speed testing, that Dyno… Put it on the Dyno… On the Dyno, it… So the first thing that happened is…
Casey:
Can you explain what a Dyno is? ‘Cos I didn’t know until this time…
Jeff:
Yeah, it’s just a great big machine with a big roller on the floor.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And then you put your back tires, your power tires, on those. And then they strap the car down and you turn the car down and you floor it. And then they can measure the horsepower…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And the shift points and the torque and all that stuff on a great big machine.
Casey:
And also do stuff like measure exhaust and shit…
Jeff:
Yeah, all kinds of crazy stuff.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So I wasn’t getting the right amount of boost. So they said, “We can fix that.” I’m like, “Oh, sure. That’d be awesome.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So they order the parts. I leave it there. So apparently, the next day, the dude was driving it from the front of the building to the back of the building. As he was driving around the corner, the brakes let out and he lost full brakes.
Casey:
Oh, no. The poor guy.
Jeff:
Yeah. And he ran into a tree. So the front end was all… So the front end was all smashed in. And so, they called me and they’re like, “Bad news, dude.” I’m like, “Not bad news for me. You’ve got to fix it.” He’s like, “Don’t you have insurance?” I’m like, “Yeah, but I’m not paying for it.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So they take a while but they fix it and it’s pristine.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And it’s been… And so I’m like, “Alright, well now fix the boost…”
Casey:
“The thing that I originally…” They’re probably like, “We don’t want anything to do with… Get this car out of here right now.”
Jeff:
Not yet. They’re just like, “That was just bad luck.” So they get the breaks fixed. They do that. They get all that. They put it back on the Dyno.
Casey:
Oh, my God.
Jeff:
They put the new boost in. They turn it on. As soon as they turn it on and romp on it, the radiator blows up. Boom. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen one of those break.
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
Steam goes everywhere…
Casey:
Oh, no.
Jeff:
And all the anti-freeze drops straight down on to the Dyno machine. So then like…
Casey:
Oh, so now their Dyno machine is clogged anti-freeze?
Jeff:
Covered with that bright yellow anti-freeze…
Casey:
Oh, no.
Jeff:
The dude calls me up and he’s like, “Dude, come get this fucking car.” And they were so sick of it ‘cos they had so many things go wrong.
Casey:
That’s awesome.
Jeff:
It wasn’t just that. So they had it for, like, I don’t know…
Casey:
I do… I remem--… Now that you’re saying this. It’s bringing back memories. I have blocked out the memory of that car.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
So much so that you remember, I didn’t mention it…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Just now it was coming back to me. I was like, “Oh, I forgot about the Mustang.”
Jeff:
Yeah. And I sold that to some dude in Cleveland, I think.
Casey:
Oh, Jeff’s Mustang. Goddamn it.
Jeff:
Put it on a truck and shipped it out.
Casey:
Oh, someone actually bought it. That’s right. I can’t believe that.
Jeff:
Yeah, didn’t cost me any money. It one to one-d it.
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
So, yeah. So, I like watching… I enjoy car movies.
Casey:
Right. You bought “Gumball Rally”.
Jeff:
“Gumball Rally”, which I’ve watched probably 4 times now.
Casey:
Now, are you thinking of maybe buying a car from that film if you’re so enamored with it? Was there a car in there that you’re particularly interested in?
Jeff:
Well, “Gumball Rally” was in 1970’s…
Casey:
Yeah, like a classic car, you know, a classic car…
Jeff:
Actually, I would like… I mean, the prettiest car ever made is a Jaguar E-Type. And…
Casey:
That’s a pretty car?
Jeff:
Yeah, beautiful car.
Casey:
What does it look like?
Jeff:
It’s actually… It’s reminiscent of the Aston because they along the same lines a lot.
Casey:
Oh, okay.
Jeff:
I’ll send you a picture, very cozy. Beautiful car.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
The best looking car ever made, by far.
Casey:
Really?
Jeff:
Yeah, it’s just gorgeous.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
But the joke in the movie is everybody takes off and they’re sitting in their [ rides and it’s going ] “Nanananana…”
Casey:
Right. Because it’s a Jaguar…
Jeff:
Because English cars never work…
Casey:
And they never work, yeah.
Jeff:
Which is funny because both my cars are English now…
Casey:
Which is true…
Jeff:
And I haven’t had any trouble.
Casey:
Oh.
Jeff:
So…
Casey:
I only think it’s… Just jaguars, though, right? Or is it using cars in general.
Jeff:
Well, the Aston and the Jaguar are the same company.
Casey:
Oh, really?
Jeff:
Yeah. I mean, now they’re all Fords…
Casey:
Not anymore, yeah.
Jeff:
Now they’re all Fords.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
It’s all the same thing.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And the Ariel…
Casey:
What about, like, McLaren? They’re supposed to be ungodly good at cars, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
And they’re British, aren’t they?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
They don’t really make cars per se.
Jeff:
But they don’t make their own…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
They usually tweak. Like you can get… I thought about getting an SLR. And I may do that, which is a Mercedes McLaren.
Casey:
Don’t they do something… Don’t they make, like, the fastest normally [ aspirated ] cars in the world or something like this?
Jeff:
Well, they made what a lot of people think is the best car, like, supercar ever made. And it still stacks up well even though it’s, like, 17 years old now. But they only made those for a couple years. That’s the one where you actually sit in the middle…
Casey:
What kind of car is that?
Jeff:
You sit in the center, the driver does…
Casey:
Oh.
Jeff:
There’s 2 seats behind you. So it can seat 3 people…
Casey:
Nice.
Jeff:
But it keeps the weight balance.
Casey:
The weight balance… What kind of car is that? The F1 or whatever it’s called?
Jeff:
McLaren F1.
Casey:
F1. Right.
Jeff:
Yeah, those are awesome.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
But they’re very rare. And keeping that running would be a nightmare.
Casey:
I see.
Jeff:
But… Anyway, so I was watching that… And I watched a lot of times ‘cos unlike the “Cannonball Run” movies which are just absurd…
Casey:
Slapstick-y or whatever?
Jeff:
Yeah. Ridiculous.
Casey:
I’ve still never seen one
Jeff:
They are just… Here are these beautiful, old, classic cars from the 70’s and they just drive. There’s no special effects. It’s all practical so it’s just like… They have a part where they’re all driving through New York City early in the morning and you can hear the engines. It’s like, “Hey, this is awesome.” I watched that movie over and over again. So I was like, okay, you know what, I never saw that movie called “Red Line” which is by this dude who had a whole bunch of crazy cars.
Casey:
I had never heard of this movie…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Actually, though, until you got it.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
So when was this movie released?
Jeff:
Probably 2 years ago.
Casey:
Oh, so it’s very recent.
Jeff:
Yeah, yeah.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
It’s pretty new.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So he had all these crazy cars. He’s not a director, was not before, an internet dude, I think…
Casey:
Oh, really?
Jeff:
Yeah, and he just owned all these cars. He’s like, “I’m gonna make a movie.” He wrote the script. He acted as producer, so he funded the thing. So he used his own money.
Casey:
What was the budget for this film?
Jeff:
He also wrote the music, the songs for this movie…
Casey:
Awesome.
Jeff:
Which I want to talk about in a second.
Casey:
Also awesome.
Jeff:
And used his own cars… And in the… When they were doing press for it… What a lot of people remember the movie from is Eddie Griffith, the dude that was in the movie… They were driving around in this press thing. And he was in the Enzo. And he ran the Enzo into a wall in front of all the press, right.
Casey:
What? Why’d he do that?
Jeff:
Just ‘cos he was a shitty driver. He lost control and he smashed into a barricade.
Casey:
And that must be really hard to repair, eh?
Jeff:
Yeah. I mean, I don’t even know… I don’t know whether you repair it or whether it’s… I mean, there’s only, like, 400 or 500 Enzo’s in the world.
Casey:
Jesus.
Jeff:
Yeah. So anyway…
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
So everyone kind of [inaudible 44:49] from that. So the movie, I didn’t remember… I remember the reviews were bad. I didn’t remember how bad because I looked on Rotten Tomatoes and it has a zero. It’s a flat zero.
Casey:
It actually has a zero?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
There’s almost no movies that get a zero.
Jeff:
And it had 63 reviews, too. So there were some people…
Casey:
So it wasn’t like it never got reviewed…
Jeff:
Yeah, yeah.
Casey:
Or has got 1 guy who said it was bad.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
They literally just hated it.
Jeff:
When I watched this movie, it might be the worst movie that has a budget that I’ve ever seen. ‘Cos there’s bad movies that are like, you know, [inaudible 45:20] all the…
Casey:
Right, right. But they were nothing. They were made for, like, you know…
Jeff:
They’re barely…
Casey:
$10,000 or something.
Jeff:
Right. And they’re barely what you consider a movie.
Casey:
A movie, right.
Jeff:
This is a movie and it is so bad. And…
Casey:
Now, you’ve told me something else but I’ve not actually seen…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Other than some slight clips that you showed me.
Jeff:
I showed you some…
Casey:
I have not seen the full film yet.
Jeff:
Right. Well, the thing that…
Casey:
So…
Jeff:
There’s a couple things I thought was funny. One is the song, which I told you about, which the band… The girl in the movie…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Is the mechanic that you go to when you want to make your car fast. She…
Casey:
Wait. The girl is a mechanic?
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Not a driver?
Jeff:
No. She’s… Wait. She’s a mechanic.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
She’s an awesome mechanic.
Casey:
Of course, she is.
Jeff:
Right. So he comes to get his car.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
She’s not in the shop. Next door, they have a little soundstage because she’s also the lead singer in a band.
Casey:
Oh…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
I see how it is.
Jeff:
Right. And then, when he asked if she did a good job on the car, he’s like, “Well, I’ve got to see it,” she takes him for a ride and he sees how good of a driver she is.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So she’s the best driver…
Casey:
So she’s not only hot…
Jeff:
Right. Well, that’s… Let’s talk about…
Casey:
Although, that’s the erotic part is… They did play [inaudible 46:31] is she’s not that hot. I’m sure in the script, it said she was supposed to be hot, though.
Jeff:
Well, here’s the thing.
Casey:
Just ‘cos they couldn’t get a hot actress to do it…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Doesn’t mean she was not supposed to be hot…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
’Cos I’m sure she was supposed to be hot, the best mechanic, and an awesome singer…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And a really good driver.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Because why the fuck not when you’re some internet dude with a bunch of cars and you write some shitty as piece of shit show.
Jeff:
Right. So…
Casey:
You might as well throw it all in there.
Jeff:
Right, and…
Casey:
Did I mention she also does rocket science for NASA on the side?
Jeff:
She wears glasses…
Casey:
Yeah. She wears glasses. Yeah.
Jeff:
No, she…
Casey:
Oh, wait. She wears glasses? Does she? Does she wear glasses in the film?
Jeff:
No, she [ doesn’t wear them ].
Casey:
That’s the big oversight, it seems like, you know.
Jeff:
Michael Bay wouldn’t have let that happen.
Casey:
Michael Bay would not have let slide, right? He would’ve been like, “There’s something missing from this character. Some complexity.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“You know what, put a pair of glasses on. And unbutton that 3rd button. Alright. There you go.”
Jeff:
“Zoom in.”
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
No, the thing that’s surprising about her is that she’s not that hot.
Casey:
Right, right. That was funny.
Jeff:
So like, you are making your movie. You’re doing all this. And then you cast a girl that, like… Some shots, she looks hot. And then she turns to the camera and so--… I can’t tell. You think she was a little cross-eyed or…
Casey:
Well, I was… From the shots that you showed me…
Jeff:
Or lazy-eyed…
Casey:
I think she’s a little wall-eyed. That, I don’t think, has anything to do with it, though…
Jeff:
What exactly is wall-eyed? Is that, like… I know there’s a fish… Do they look… Does that mean their eyes look different directions?
Casey:
I don’t know. I’m probably using that term incorrectly. I was using it because…
Jeff:
What if it’s a really derogatory term and we’re gonna get, like, letters…
Casey:
Well, okay. I was using it sort of in a joking fashion. It actually does mean something, I believe.
Jeff:
Yes, I know…
Casey:
But I was using it in a joking fashion because I believe in “Hot Shots”, the guys’ call sign for the dude who totally can’t see shit…
Jeff:
Right. Is wall-eyed?
Casey:
Is wall-eyed.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Now, what it actually means, medically or even just regularly, semantically, syntactically or whatever… I don’t know.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
But the point is…
Jeff:
She’s got something wrong.
Casey:
There’s definitely… Her eyes are not at the standard, like, whatever the [ 60 degree ] [inaudible 48:35] thing an whatever the fucking weird, like, focus thing is that they do…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s not doing that.
Jeff:
Something’s wrong.
Casey:
Something is very wrong with that. That’s okay, though, because that doesn’t really have that much to do with the hotness factor. That might be, like, “Oh, it’s weird and hot.” But sometimes, that’s even hotter. If you have someone who’s super hot and there’s something really fucked up, right, like she’s got this crazy eye… It’s like, “Oh, the crazy eye drives me mad. It’s awesome. When she looks at me with the crazy eye, I just can’t get over it,” you know.
Jeff:
That means you’re gonna love that new “America’s Top Missing Model”? Or Britain…
Casey:
Oh, right, right, right. It’s Britain has that thing. It’s like, amputees or whatever…
Jeff:
It’s amputee…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Girl on a wheelchair, girl with these funny stump arms…
Casey:
Well, there was one… Yeah, one with no arm, one with no leg, one with a wheelchair…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Was it like… How about mentally retarded? And where’s midget?
Jeff:
Well, wait, the one I liked the best…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Was deaf girl. And she’s like, “I’m being judged for what I look like and I’m still placed in with all these freaks.”
Casey:
Awesome. Yep.
Jeff:
Because she’s just sitting there going, “I can’t hear but I can still see all their freaky stumps…”
Casey:
That’s so awesome.
Jeff:
Because most of them are… But the best part about “Britain’s Top Missing Model”, I call it…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Is that the woman doing it is, like, “I think this is gonna be a really good show as a positive…
Casey:
Right, a positive spin on…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Because like, in their mind… I can tell you what’s going through their mind now, right. Like, some TV executive is sitting there, going like, “This is gonna be great. We’re gonna start a fad. And everyone is gonna want to go out and date a paraplegic.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right? Like, that’s what they’re… It’s like, “I’ve got news for you. Christopher Reeves was already paralyzed. Nothing changed. People still don’t want to do it.” It’s just… It’s human nature. I don’t think there’s anything you could do about that, you know what I mean? It just doesn’t work that way. I’m sorry.
Jeff:
I was…
Casey:
What can I say?
Jeff:
I was very…
Casey:
That said, I guess maybe it can be hot, like I was saying with the wall-eyed thing.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
So who knows? Yeah.
Jeff:
Well, the girl in this said her lines so bad. For all I know, she could’ve been deaf and she was just doing [inaudible 50:39]
Casey:
[inaudible 50:39]
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Yeah. Oh, like…
Jeff:
You know what would be awesome? If “America’s Top Model”…
Casey:
What’s that girl’s name? Ma--… Matr--… Matron?
Jeff:
Mary… No.
Casey:
There was an actress who’s deaf. She’s in…
Jeff:
She’s in “The West Wing”.
Casey:
“West Wing”, yeah your favorite show where you get all your politics and morals from.
Jeff:
No, wait. No… What is… She was also in “The Children of the Lesser God”…
Casey:
It’s like Matron or Mat--… Ah, I don’t fucking know, whatever.
Jeff:
But she’s great. I think she actually won for “The Children of the Lesser God”.
Casey:
I didn’t see that.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I didn’t see “The Children of the Lesser God”.
Jeff:
Anyway…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I think it would be awesome…
Casey:
The God who can’t hear, apparently…
Jeff:
if the deaf girl was very… Like, exactly like all the other girls…
Casey:
You know what, wait a minute. I just thought of something.
Jeff:
On the beauty contest where she’s like, completely clueless. And she’s like [inaudible 51:23]
Casey:
Totally. Totally. Oh, man. “Could you please speak louder when you ask the question?” So here’s the thing that I just realized, there actually is… I guess I’d never been as sensitive as I should’ve been to the plight of deaf people until just now because I just realized something which is that deaf people cannot hear this podcast.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
For first time, I’m realizing that wonderful experiences that you and I can have, they cannot have.
Jeff:
Ah, maybe another thing is…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
We can also look at it as there’s a demographic we can safely make fun of for the next 20 years and never get…
Casey:
That’s a good point. And they’d never know.
Jeff:
We’ll just keep going.
Casey:
They will not be offended by this show.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Because they can’t hear this show.
Jeff:
They’re gonna be running their…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Yep. Don’t make fun of blind people. They can hear the show.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Make fun of them on the website where we write it out, right?
Jeff:
Right. But then their Braille readers are gonna expose you and you’re in big trouble.
Casey:
Ooh… But what if they have a [inaudible 52:26] recognizer for the deaf people?
Jeff:
Yeah, you’re right. They could be on to us.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Yeah. I just think the deaf girl’s gotta be pissed. ‘Cos she’s like, “There’s nothing wrong with me. If I’m hot enough to be in here with all the freaks, I can be in with…”
Casey:
Yeah. It’s like, “I’m just deaf, people.”
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It’s not a big deal. It’s like…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Yeah, deaf girl and then, oh, hey, there’s the girl over there who has a [ hysterectomy ].
Casey:
Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah… Wait, what?
Jeff:
You’re like, “Wait, what?” Why is she in the missing model?
Casey:
So here’s the thing, right…
Jeff:
Do you have to just lose something?
Casey:
Deaf, it’s like… Most guys, if they were dating someone hot, how long do you think it would take before they would realize that they were deaf? It’s entirely possible that it would be, like, months into the relationship where they’re like, “Maybe she didn’t hear me.”
Jeff:
No…
Casey:
You know, like, the entire… Most of the time, he would just be talking about himself the whole time. It’s better for her that she’s deaf.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s better for him that she’s deaf, at some level, right?
Jeff:
Well…
Casey:
Everyone wins. There’s no downside to being hot and deaf. It’s just all good at that point for the relationship, not for her life.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right. But for the guy… Dealing with the guy…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s probably best. And then, you don’t have to hear the stupid shit that he says, either, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s a win all the way around.
Jeff:
Well…
Casey:
You know what I’m saying?
Jeff:
I think the thing there is, like, the dude could go up to her and it’s like, “Hey, baby.” And then she doesn’t hear and respond. And he’s pissed. And he like, goes back to his bros…
Casey:
And that just makes her all the more desirable.
Jeff:
He’s like, “God, she’s a bitch.”
Casey:
“My stuff’s not working on her.”
Jeff:
“I can’t…”
Casey:
“I can’t figure it out.”
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
“My mojo is completely failing.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Or maybe that’s the new thing, right, “She’s probably deaf,” instead of like, you know, “She’s lesbian.”
Jeff:
Yeah. Right. Exactly.
Casey:
“She’s deaf.”
Jeff:
“She’s deaf.”
Casey:
“She couldn’t hear my smooth shit.”
Jeff:
Yeah. “Otherwise, it would’ve been fine.”
Casey:
Yeah, yeah.
Jeff:
Holy cow.
Casey:
54 minutes gone and we haven’t talked about anything that you want to talk about.
Jeff:
Anything…
Casey:
Did you tell you that was gonna happen? I told you. You were worried ‘cos we didn’t make a list…
Jeff:
All we were gonna… The only thing I also wanted to say about “Red Line” is you have the lyrics. Read the lyrics to the song she sings.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Now, when she sings this song, first off, I’ve seen people commit more to a lip sync performance in karaoke…
Casey:
Like Milli Vanilli?
Jeff:
Yeah, like… She is the worst. She is embarrassed to be singing these words and there’s a good reason. Casey, read just a little bit of this. Now, remember that…
Casey:
Oh, it’s not that long. I can read it for you.
Jeff:
Yes, it’s very short.
Casey:
It is — “I want to be your car tonight so you can take me for a ride.”
Jeff:
Uh-huh.
Casey:
“And you can grip me like a steering wheel. Just for the night, I’m going to…” Tough like steel? Did you transcribe that wrong?
Jeff:
Be tough like…
Casey:
Okay. “Be tough like steel…”
Jeff:
Uh-huh.
Casey:
“I’ve got the bumper that you like.”
Jeff:
I didn’t understand that one.
Casey:
“I’ve got the kind of rims that shine.”
Jeff:
Uh-huh.
Casey:
“You turbo-charge me if you like to go fast because I’m the kind of girl that’s built to last.”
Jeff:
Yep. That is quality.
Casey:
I don’t have any comment on those lyrics.
Jeff:
Those are the best lyrics.
Casey:
I think they kind of speak for themselves…
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
At some level.
Jeff:
Well, I showed you that clip where she was singing. It was terrible. But the thing that’s funny about that is while she’s singing, like, “I’ll be your car tonight…”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And then they transfer… And they inter-space clips…
Casey:
Right. Yeah.
Jeff:
Of a dude trying to get to the race. He’s racing there in a Ferrari. And then her singing. So it’s almost as if the car… Like, the car is singing the words.
Casey:
Is the thing that’s… Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jeff:
Which I’m telling you, that dude who’s actually from Washington, who moved to England… You know…
Casey:
Huh?
Jeff:
We’ve talked about that guy on…
Casey:
Who?
Jeff:
The dude that fucks the cars. Who’s…
Casey:
Oh, the dude who has sex with cars.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right. Yes. I remember that.
Jeff:
Have we talked about that guy?
Casey:
I have no idea. At this point, dude, we’ve done so many of these fucking podcasts…
Jeff:
This is…
Casey:
It’s like podcast [inaudible 56:15] What podcast is it?
Jeff:
This is… We should say… We should… This is… Last week was an important milestone of podcast # 20 but it was called 19 because of the stupid numbering system that confuses everyone…
Casey:
Right. Yes.
Jeff:
But, at any case…
Casey:
It’s just all part of becoming a programmer.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
This is fucking confusing when you learn it, too, when you first try to program, right.
Jeff:
I started with Pascal, baby. 1 based [inaudible 56:37] Anyway…
Casey:
Or anything [inaudible 56:38] aren’t they? Can’t you be like, “This array goes 3 to 9.”
Jeff:
The first Pascal was only 1.
Casey:
I think you’re right. When I programmed Pascal, they didn’t have it. But I meant nowadays… I seem to remember Pascal being, like…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“Whatever you want, baby.”
Jeff:
Right. Right.
Casey:
“You tell us.”
Jeff:
That actually should be… That should be… That’s actually a convenient thing to have sometimes. Anyway, all I… What was I gonna say about that is the dude who likes cars…
Casey:
Well, I have something to say about this but yeah…
Jeff:
The dude who likes cars, who likes to fuck the cars…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
He lives in England now.
Casey:
And he wants to have sex with cars. I know.
Jeff:
That part of the movie, he was going crazy for it because it seems like the car is singing to him…
Casey:
But I disagree with you. I disagree with you.
Jeff:
Tell me why because I think he’s…
Casey:
Because this guy’s for real, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
He actually fucks a car.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
He doesn’t fuck the car and pretend it’s a woman.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
He fucks the car. He’s like, “No, I’ve had relationships with women. They’re unfulfilling. I like to fuck my car.”
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
“If I’m screwing a woman, I want to think of her as the car.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right? So the fact…
Jeff:
Not just his own car. He goes around all over England.
Casey:
Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He fucks any--… Anything that he finds attractive that’s a car, he’s on that.
Jeff:
[inaudible 57:44]
Casey:
Yeah. Now… Nice. Now, he… The thing is, if he was watching that, 2 things… He’s like, “First of all, who interspersed all these cuts of this woman in the middle of my car porn?”
Jeff:
“This wall-eyed deaf girl.”
Casey:
Yeah. That’s like you’re trying to watch, like, your Angelina Jolie movie and some, like… They sliced in, like, dudes into it, right.
Jeff:
And they insert some AIDS.
Casey:
Like… It’s like, no. It’s like, they’re putting in something sexually undesirable for you in the middle of this thing that was desirable, right. So there’s that problem. The other problem is she’s singing. I don’t think a woman’s voice will be attractive to him. He’s want to hear, like, exhaust and stuff, right?
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
He’d want to hear, like, the engine roar, you know?
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Something car related would be sexy.
Jeff:
With subtitles, like…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And it’s like…
Casey:
Oh, dude, it should be like that. Yeah.
Jeff:
I see. Yeah, you’re probably right.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
If he gets deported for fucking all the cars…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
And he has to go back to Washington, we can have him on the show.
Casey:
On the podcast. Absolutely.
Jeff:
And explain yourself.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Just explain yourself.
Casey:
He can just have 10 minutes in the beginning of every podcast to tell us about his latest sexual experience.
Jeff:
Right. Exactly.
Casey:
Now, here’s the… I wanted to say something about…
Jeff:
“There was this Jetta. It was purple.”
Casey:
Oh, my God. I wanted to say something about these lyrics that were… This may be the thing where, like… Sometimes I’m so much shocked at the lack of creative ability of people who work in the technology industry. Like for example, Microsoft. 100% of the people, right? Like, are not able to have a sense of taste about something.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
It just doesn’t work.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Right? So, this dude…
Jeff:
“I want to [inaudible 59:19]”
Casey:
Yeah, exactly, [inaudible 59:21] Now, there is nothing… I can’t think of anything that’s an easier metaphor to ride than woman described as car or vice versa, right? Cars are almost constructed with the understanding that they’re supposed to be a sexual object for men, alright. The actual thing was made as a metaphor, okay, these expensive cars. That’s what they’re… Right? Okay?
Jeff:
Well, to get that metaphor, like the…
Casey:
And he can’t fucking figure that out. It’s not that hard, right? It’s not some complicated literary thing you’re being asked to do here. It’s like, he doesn’t even use the word “curve”.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s like, “What is your deal, dude?”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s fucking obvious. You can’t not do it. Thousands of songs have done this. Listen to the Beach Boys for 10 seconds and you’d be done. And somehow, you used the phrase “bumper” to describe her ass. Are you a fucking retard?
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
That doesn’t make any sense.
Jeff:
She… That’s the… Especially awesome, she used that ostensibly to describe herself. So, not only…
Casey:
Oh, even better. Right. She’s…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s coming out of her.
Jeff:
Right. He not only wrote a shitty song…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
He didn’t even put himself…
Casey:
In her shoes…
Jeff:
In her shoes…
Casey:
Awesome.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So awesome.
Jeff:
Yes. It’s…
Casey:
“Grip me like a steering wheel?”
Jeff:
Yeah. That’s for those really…
Casey:
What? That’s, like, the least sensual grabbage I can possibly think of.
Jeff:
Well, it’s kind of like…
Casey:
It’s coming out from the side.
Jeff:
I know.
Casey:
What are you holding?
Jeff:
2 and 10.
Casey:
2…
Jeff:
2 and 10.
Casey:
It’s like you… You’d have to grab her arms like this, some kind of weird, like, controlling posture. It’s bad news all the way around. Like… And what do you do? Rotate her 90 degrees and shit? Like, what is happening there in the bed?
Jeff:
180, hopefully.
Casey:
Yeah, I don’t even know what… Oh, nice. Dude. Okay, Jeff wins the podcast prize. Jeff wins the podcast prize.
Jeff:
Oh, it was a brutal movie. I probably emailed you, like, 5 times ‘cos there are scenes that are so awkward… They’re like…
Casey:
Yeah, you were email me the entire time you were watching, like… Yeah.
Jeff:
There were like… There were scenes where the actors were awkward with each other as if they were saying the lines for real and then feeling embarrassed about being in the situation they were in.
Casey:
Well, how good do you think these people felt about being in this movie in the first place? You know…
Jeff:
Oh, man. That’s like…
Casey:
There’s, like, a hundred thousand… No, more than that. There’s probably, like 2 million Dollars that separates this movie from “Space Mutiny”, you know what I mean? That’s where it’s at, right?
Jeff:
Oh…
Casey:
It’s bad.
Jeff:
It’s really bad.
Casey:
Here’s a question for you.
Jeff:
There’s only… I guess Tim Ma--… Holy shit. I just realized something.
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
Tim Matheson was the vice president in “The West Wing” and he was in that movie.
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
He was in… I don’t know what happened to him. He was in “Animal House” and he’s awesome.
Casey:
Who is this?
Jeff:
Do you remember Otter?
Casey:
I don’t remember the movie well enough.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Was it Otter? Shit. I think it was Otter. I think he plays Otter.
Casey:
I don’t remember “Animal House” very well.
Jeff:
Yeah. Anyway, he was the main dude there. And I thought… He had kind of a Chevy Chase sense of humor where he’s smart aleck-y. And he’s really good in “Animal House”.
Casey:
Who is he in “Red Light”?
Jeff:
He’s the… He’s the only guy… This is great. He’s the only guy that isn’t psychotic and idiotic. And he’s a film producer. So he’s the proxy for the film producer…
Casey:
Awesome.
Jeff:
And remember, he wrote this thing. So I assume he’s him.
Casey:
That’s right. He wrote himself into the picture.
Jeff:
Yeah. He did.
Casey:
Awesome. He thinks he’s Charlie Coffin now.
Jeff:
No, I think what he did was he wrote it and he’s like, “You know, I remember ‘Animal House’ and that dude was so slick in that. I need that guy.”
Casey:
Awesome.
Jeff:
“I need him today. We’re gonna spend our whole budget on him.”
Casey:
What was the budget of this film?
Jeff:
I don’t know. I don’t know.
Casey:
That’d be interesting to find out, actually.
Jeff:
He actually financed it himself, apparently. So it wasn’t like he went and got Hollywood money because anybody would look at this script and go, “Dude, you’ve got a lot of rewrites to come.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
He thought he was ready. He’s like, “Let’s do it.” And they weren’t good.
Casey:
It’s kinda cool that he actually got a movie made, though.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
That’s probably a hard thing just to do…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
In general, you know, no matter how bad it is. And it didn’t look like it was shot that poorly. Like, the cinematography was bad…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But it looks like it was shot on reasonable 30 millimeter film with reasonable lighting and like, you know…
Jeff:
Right. But that’s… Like, he had the money. So he hired a director. He hired a cinematographer. So that’s gonna be okay.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And they had special effects in it. But wow…
Casey:
There were some special effects that occurred…
Jeff:
Well, you saw one of the special effects in the middle of a race. They superimposed kind of a…
Casey:
Oh, God. That was ridiculous. I don’t know what that was.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Somebody saw “The Rundown” and was like, “This is awesome.”
Jeff:
Oh, brother. It was bad news.
Casey:
Alright. We’re out of time, my friend.
Jeff:
We are?
Casey:
We are out of time.
Jeff:
There’s not that…
Casey:
I want to ask one thing before we go, though…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
From these lyrics that you sent me. “I got the kind of rims that shine.”
Jeff:
Uh-huh.
Casey:
Now, I’m racking my brain right now. What? Teeth? What shines?
Jeff:
I…
Casey:
What even is the metaphor there?
Jeff:
I…
Casey:
I don’t even know what it is let alone that it’s not sexy.
Jeff:
I didn’t know the bumper. Like…
Casey:
Bumper’s gotta be ass.
Jeff:
I was…
Casey:
What else could it be?
Jeff:
I was thinking that but I didn’t know what… I don’t know what that was. I didn’t know if she’s, like…
Casey:
Well, take it literally. It’s the thing that prevents damage from a minor bump, right. So, like, diaphragm might be, like, the best thing…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Or chastity belt, for example.
Jeff:
No…
Casey:
But I don’t think that’s what it was going for.
Jeff:
The rims, I don’t… I have no idea. I don’t know what your rims or something… I have no idea.
Casey:
That shine…
Jeff:
Maybe eyes?
Casey:
Rims that shine.
Jeff:
I have no idea. They don’t speak…
Casey:
There’s 4 of them on a car…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
For starters… Which is weird…
Jeff:
I have…
Casey:
Nail polish?
Jeff:
I have no idea.
Casey:
I have no idea.
Jeff:
The ‘taint.
Casey:
The ‘taint?
Jeff:
That’s all I can come up with.
Casey:
The ‘taint?
Jeff:
I’ve got the ‘taint you’ll…
Casey:
Alright. I’m shutting you off right now.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Yeah. No, that’s it.
Jeff:
It’s the t’wasn’t.
Casey:
The instant you brought up the ‘taint, the podcast is over.
Jeff:
Okay. So I guess… We have not decided on a name. so keep your suggestions coming.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Pork & Pumpkins, we've had from a lot of people.
Casey:
Pork & Pumpkins did seem to be popular. I didn't realize…
Jeff:
That was the first one that I thought of, too.
Casey:
That phrase… When I uttered that phrase, I had no idea that it would stick.
Jeff:
So maybe that might be the one.
Casey:
Pork & Pumpkins?
Jeff:
So people, keep coming up. We’re gonna try to get this up on a website sometime soon.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Go ahead and email us. Again, as we said in the last podcast, if you email us…
Casey:
Yes, we’re gonna start some kind of a treat program here very soon…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
If we haven’t already by the time this is aired…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Where we will try to have special goodies that come early to people who contact us or get on the mailing list or some other chill kind of activity.
Jeff:
Now, and we don’t know yet if these are going to come in the midweek podcast or just at the end…
Casey:
Yes. We’ll figure something out.
Jeff:
But there will be… You will get to listen to something a week before everybody else does.
Casey:
Your loyalty is going to be rewarded.
Jeff:
That’s right.
Casey:
We’re not gonna forget about you…
Jeff:
That’s right.
Casey:
When there’s millions of people listening to this podcast…
Jeff:
And we’ll just say thank you to everybody that listens…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Because that is… We did actually hear from somebody that we’ve never…
Casey:
We’ve heard from people…
Jeff:
That we’ve never…
Casey:
That’s right. Somebody emailed in who we’ve never heard from before.
Jeff:
It was awesome.
Casey:
That was charming, yes.
Jeff:
It was terrific. So yes. Give us an email at Podcast@MollyRocket.com.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And we will see you next week.
Casey:
Cool.
Jeff:
Or next half week.
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
Yep, that’s right. Alright, thanks, everybody.
Casey:
Take it easy.
Jeff:
Bye.
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casey muratori
the jeff and casey show - season 1 - episode 21
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