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No Imperfections Noted
The Jeff and Casey Show
Jeff and Casey Time
Casey Muratori
Seattle, WA
Random Acts of Rudeness
"You bring a coupon into the fucking 7/11, you should be kicked out."
Original air date: June 29th, 2008
Topics. Jeff’s squirrels. The Black Card. Sickly Jeff. Burrata. NYC cesspool. Long 7/11 line. Selling out. Random acts of rudeness. Meat popsicle. Geriatric pilots. Brody Jenner. The E.O.A. position on T.I.T.’s. Watch prices.
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Transcript
Jeff:
Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Jeff & Casey Show.
Casey:
What was the big delay? I pointed to you and it didn’t start for a second. What happened there? What was happening there?
Jeff:
Because I was making funny faces at you the whole time. And then on one of the things, I went… So it wasn’t 5 seconds this time…
Casey:
Oh, so you needed to wait… Oh…
Jeff:
So I had to wait another…
Casey:
Oh, man. You screwed the pooch. I was waiting…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It was like… It was [ this thing ] over there, a little tantric podcast starting. We’ve talked about him before. I thought he was making a resurgence.
Jeff:
No, I have… It is still June 14th. This is a…
Casey:
This is the longest June 14th in history.
Jeff:
Yes. We’re doing a specu-cast whereas Casey believes that I’m gonna come back from New York sick. So he’s like…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Since he believes I’m gonna be sick in the future…y
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I’ve been sick for two and a half months, basically, and you believe I’m going to get sick again.
Casey:
Yeah. You have not recovered from your current illness…
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Okay. You’re gonna get on a plane on Friday. And somehow, I fail to believe that you’ll be fully recovered by then, okay.
Jeff:
In fact, for this plane trip, I went and got a tube in my ear just for the plane trip.
Casey:
There you go. So you are on half-impulse power right now, at best. The warp drive is not functioning, okay. You are in trouble. And I don’t think that a plane trip is such a good idea.
Jeff:
So here’s the thing…
Casey:
You’re going to New York City, the most crowded, disease-ridden… It’s like fucking India, okay. They leave their garbage in the goddamn street, okay.
Jeff:
I can’t help it. It’s…
Casey:
There is garbage in the fucking street, Jeff.
Jeff:
I know it’s going to be brutal.
Casey:
It’s a disgusting cesspool of a city.
Jeff:
I’m going to see…
Casey:
I don’t mind. I like it. It’s a nice place to visit.
Jeff:
I’m going to see…
Casey:
Garbage in the fucking street does not do.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It’s like, “Why don’t you just throw your fucking ‘Dead Hand’ out the window…”
Jeff:
Well, wait. I’m going to a Yankee game. So I’m gonna be amongst…
Casey:
Oh, God…
Jeff:
Amongst the people…
Casey:
You are gonna be… Yeah. So this podcast is basically gonna give us something to air when Jeff is in bed, bed-ridden…
Jeff:
Again.
Casey:
And we are fucking sending him Tamiflu ‘cos that’s the only medicine he takes, apparently.
Jeff:
Ah, yeah. I just found a new source.
Casey:
You did?
Jeff:
Yes, for my Tamiflu.
Casey:
’Cos you have to get it on the black market or something, right? Because it’s too hard to come by? It’s too… Or something…
Jeff:
It’s just a bother to go to a doctor when you can buy drugs off the internet illegally for free.
Casey:
Oh… But I thought that it was limited supply.
Jeff:
Well…
Casey:
Why don’t you just [ get it from the doctor then? ]
Jeff:
No, no, no. Tamiflu is actually pretty wide open now.
Casey:
Oh, okay.
Jeff:
Yeah. Since the bird flu didn’t hit immediately…
Casey:
They had all this…
Jeff:
Yeah. Although they did have to destroy a bunch of birds down south or something recently.
Casey:
Uh-oh… It’s coming?
Jeff:
It’s here. It’s here. But yeah…
Casey:
So time to stock on Tamiflu?
Jeff:
They’ve said they’ve had success with a new vaccine that they’ve made. And then, not only is it a good vaccine for the bird flu. Apparently, you can trivially modify it quickly, which is awesome for the flu because it mutates every year…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
So they’re like, “Oh, hey, we got something bad. We do something…” New flu shots. Take care of the action.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I never got a flu shot… Actually, that’s not true. I got one once. It made me feel like shit for 2 days. I’m like, “I don’t like getting a flu shot if I’m gonna feel like shit.” Although based on the last 4 weeks, you could’ve given me 10 shots and I’d have taken them.
Casey:
Yeah. Of course…
Jeff:
I’m fucking sick of them.
Casey:
Your thing would probably be like, “Yeah, I went and got a flu shot and I took some Tamiflu so I wouldn’t feel bad about the flu shot.”
Jeff:
Yes. I love a good Tamiflu. Anyway…
Casey:
Although would that actually do anything? I don’t know. Because if the flu virus has been weakened to the point where it can’t replicate… I don’t know if that’s how it works. Maybe it can still but if it can’t replicate in the flu shot, then Tamiflu would be… ‘Cos all Tamiflu does is block the replication.
Jeff:
All I’m saying is self-medication is the way to go.
Casey:
Yeah, apparently.
Jeff:
Yeah. Hey, Dotti’s trying to make a break for the border here. But yes, no… It’s bad all the way around. But…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I went with John recently to the Indian place.
Casey:
Which one? Mayuri or Moghul Palace
Jeff:
Either one. It’s down there.
Casey:
Or the bulgur [inaudible 3:45] Oh, Raga.
Jeff:
I like your… Is bulgur [inaudible 3:49] a thing?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It sounds like a Dickens character.
Casey:
Actually, it is. The bulgur [inaudible 3:54]… I’m not sure if I’m…
Jeff:
Wait a second. Wait a second.
Casey:
What’s wrong?
Jeff:
Dottie. What are you doing, buddy? Get away from that. Alright. I’m back.
Casey:
Taking care of some dog issues there?
Jeff:
It doesn’t matter, see, ‘cos she’s got…
Casey:
What’s she trying to do? She wants to sleep up there?
Jeff:
I guess.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
We have dog issues.
Casey:
Alright, dog issues…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
The dog-cast. She’s up there. There she goes. She was like, unconcerned…
Jeff:
We do have Charlie and Dottie as our co-hosts…
Casey:
Yeah. We have 2 dogs today — Charles Winthrop Weiner (a miniature daschund) and Dot. Just Dot. She only has one name — Dot, the dog or Dottie…
Jeff:
Dottie, the dog.
Casey:
Who is an Italian greyhound. Anyway…
Jeff:
Queen of the universe… Anyway, yes… So anyway, I was eating my popsicle…
Casey:
The bulgur [inaudible 4:34]
Jeff:
I went to the bulgur [inaudible 4:36]
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Let’s call it the [inaudible 4:37]
Casey:
You went to Raga. We’ll talk about the bulgur [inaudible 4:39] in a minute.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
The bulgur [inaudible 4:40] just… I’ll just say what it is because it’s not interesting. The bulgur [inaudible 4:43] was just a… I think some kind of a thing that was following delirium around at the end of “The Sandman”…
Jeff:
Oh, yeah…
Casey:
“The Sandman” [ you gave me ]…
Jeff:
Oh, yeah, yeah. Totally. Yeah.
Casey:
It was the little thing. I think it was described as a small but conscientious nightmare.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
I believe… Yeah.
Jeff:
I love “The Sandman”. Anyway…
Casey:
I wasn’t a huge fan but I liked that line — “a small but conscientious nightmare” was one of the nicest parts of that book, I thought…
Jeff:
I think… I believe, actually, what he does best, Gaiman…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Is those little things, not the big things.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Like his characters and his names for them, I love the character that’s the little piece of land, the little meadow…
Casey:
I don’t remember that. Yeah, okay.
Jeff:
Anyway, I was at the Indian restaurant…
Casey:
Raga.
Jeff:
Raga, I guess. I don’t remember.
Casey:
Yeah. At 85th Street in Kirkland.
Jeff:
Yeah, that’s the one.
Casey:
For those of you who want to experience the…
Jeff:
Are you trying to get some free Indian out of this? It seems like you’re trying to work it in.
Casey:
I may have accepted some money from someone at Raga…
Jeff:
Apparently.
Casey:
To say their name on the podcast.
Jeff:
Well…
Casey:
I don’t want to say that I have but it may have happened.
Jeff:
Well, I was gonna point out something…
Casey:
It didn’t happen, by the way. I’ll be very happy the day that that happens.
Jeff:
Yeah, when we get free food out of the podcast…
Casey:
The day I can sell out of anything, I’m gonna consider myself a success at that point, right?
Jeff:
Not [ with ] dinner, not… I just want to be…
Casey:
I probably won’t…
Jeff:
You want to be propositioned…
Casey:
I’m too fucking stubborn to do that, right.
Jeff:
But you want…
Casey:
But I want to be able…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I want to have the opportunity to sell out because chances are, I will go my whole life…
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Without ever having the privilege of being able to sell out, right? So if I do at some point have some situation in which some buddy could say…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“Oh, he sold out,” that will be a good day.
Jeff:
That’s a good day.
Casey:
That’s a very good day.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Continue.
Jeff:
Anyway, while I was there, they had lamb kebabs, I think they are, right…
Casey:
Sure. Delicious.
Jeff:
And I’ve been eating these popsicles. And it struck me…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
That all the kebab is is a meat popsicle.
Casey:
Yeah. I’ll go with that.
Jeff:
It’s a meat-flavored popsicle.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Okay…
Casey:
All the same conditions of a… Like, the concept of the popsicle, right, the reason that a popsicle is a popsicle …
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Is because in order to eat it, right…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
You need to lift it to your mouth. And there really isn’t any way to do that with a utensil.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
You wouldn’t want to touch it with your hands. And the same is basically true, sort of, for the kebab which is that we need to cook this thing, right…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
And there’s no way to put it over the fire…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So we’re gonna use this apparatus to do so. So it’s similar. The only difference is a kebab is often taken off the stick before you put it in your mouth.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Whereas the popsicle, it usually stays on.
Jeff:
On while you’re eating it… In fact, I’ll say some--… Well, all I was just gonna say is I think if I came out with meat-flavored popsicle…
Casey:
Meatsicles…
Jeff:
Meatsicles…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I think I could sell them. I’d say, “Look, it’s just like a kebab but it’s frozen. What’s the big deal?” You know, I just…
Casey:
A frozen kebab?
Jeff:
Yeah, frozen kebab. That’s what I’d call them.
Casey:
Sure.
Jeff:
And so, I think that’s a big thing.
Casey:
But there already are frozen kebabs.
Jeff:
But let me tell you the one other thing…
Casey:
I mean, that already exists.
Jeff:
But you eat them frozen. I’m saying, like, a popsicle…
Casey:
Well, how you choose to eat them is up to you, Jeffrey.
Jeff:
No, I’m saying literally, like, you take the runny, bloody shit off of meat…
Casey:
Oh…
Jeff:
Freeze it with the stick in it and that’s your…
Casey:
So you cook it…
Jeff:
You cook it…
Casey:
It’s like hamburger? You grind it up. You mold it into the shape of a popsicle. You put that over the fire for 8 minutes, then you put it in the freezer?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
That’s what you’re advocating?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
So it’s shaped like a popsicle?
Jeff:
Yeah. Yep, that’s right.
Casey:
Good job. You can make this at home. See if someone you know will eat it.
Jeff:
Yeah. I want to see…
Casey:
You’re a vegetarian, I hate to remind you.
Jeff:
I’m not eating it.
Casey:
I know.
Jeff:
I’m trying to freeze up that mad cow…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
To get the rapture over with.
Casey:
[ The mad cowboy ]…
Jeff:
The other thing about popsicles…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
That I realized…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
This is on a normal podcast kind of slant…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Is when you’re eating a popsicle, you have the popsicle, and you have the stick inserted in the popsicle…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
The popsicle is frozen to the stick.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You usually can’t move it.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You start out eating the popsicle and you’re just biting the end off, right?
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
As you go down, you end up with popsicle very far down the stick.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Right?
Casey:
And sometimes, the frozen water that is holding the popsicle to the stick melts enough so that it starts to slide. That can happen.
Jeff:
Now, if it slides, it’s good.
Casey:
That’s good?
Jeff:
But in my case, while I’m eating them… Because I’m eating them quickly to kind of freeze my throat…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I found the fact that unintentionally, to get to the end of the thing…
Casey:
It’s basically a fucking tongue depressor at that point?
Jeff:
No. I was having actually to semi-deep throat the popsicle stick…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
To get to my popsicle.
Casey:
Yeah. How’s your gag reflex, Jeffrey?
Jeff:
Really good now.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So what I realized as I was eating this…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Is I’ve actually come up with a training regimen for people who this is important for.
Casey:
We won’t mention why that is…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
But let’s say that there was a situation where you want to be good at accepting large stiff things into your mouth further than they would normally go.
Jeff:
Yeah. For money, say… And you’re just trying to, like…
Casey:
For whatever reason.
Jeff:
Yeah, for whatever reason. You want to practice…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I’m saying, using popsicles…
Casey:
It is a life goal of yours…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
For either professional or recreational reasons.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Popsicles are excellent. At this point…
Casey:
Eat quickly.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
At this point, I’m pretty sure I could take anybody [inaudible 10:30]
Casey:
Oh, God.
Jeff:
I’m just saying…
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
I’m excellent.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Man, I can pretty much do whatever I want.
Casey:
Yeah. I see.
Jeff:
I can sit there and like…
Casey:
I don’t want to know. We’re done.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Pork & pumpkins.
Jeff:
I got one!
Casey:
Pork & pumpkins.
Jeff:
Awesome.
Casey:
Pork & pumpkins. I'm gonna have to… I need both the pork and the pumpkin.
Jeff:
I have zero gag reflex.
Casey:
Oh, my God.
Jeff:
Our listeners, if they’re interested.
Casey:
Alright. Well, we’re going to Capitol Hill later. You said you wanted to play “PixelJunk Monsters” “which means we’re gonna be going to Capitol Hill.
Jeff:
I want to play…
Casey:
You want to handle your popsicle? I can drop you at any number of locations. Call me when you’re done.
Jeff:
I want to play some “Junk Monsters”.
Casey:
Some.
Jeff:
Oh, brother. Speaking, actually… I actually have a segue.
Casey:
Are they gonna… Are you gonna go fucking work on “Army of Two”? Is Bink used in “Army of Two”?
Jeff:
It is used in…
Casey:
There you go.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
You’ve been watching the videos, I see. Alright.
Jeff:
I’m just gonna say one other thing.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So we talked briefly about reality television last week.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Last episode just taped earlier today but last week…
Casey:
Yes. This is like the pre-taped call-in show.
Jeff:
It is.
Casey:
We have to get all of our references right. Was that 2 weeks ago or was that last week?
Jeff:
Exactly.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
But one of the new shows that I found that MTV is doing…
Casey:
Uh-huh…
Jeff:
Actually basically eliminates the need to parody them anymore. It’s…
Casey:
Which arguably may have happened long ago but sure. If it hadn’t already happened, this would have done it.
Jeff:
Yeah. This is Brody Jenner…
Casey:
I don’t know who that is. Is that Bruce Jenner’s kid or something?
Jeff:
It actually is.
Casey:
Or, really? That’s the only Jenner I’ve ever heard of.
Jeff:
It’s him.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
He’s only famous…
Casey:
So we’re talking about the son of the D-list celebrity. What does that make you?
Jeff:
He’s not an actor…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Not a musician…
Casey:
Okay. What is he…
Jeff:
Not… He’s the son of Bruce Jenner.
Casey:
That’s it?
Jeff:
That’s it. He’s been on…
Casey:
So it’s kind of like if Paris Hilton’s dad didn’t have any money, that’s where we’re at? And somehow, he’s still famous?
Jeff:
I would say this. If Paris Hilton’s herpes were famous alone, that’s about the same level.
Casey:
Aren’t they? Aren’t they?
Jeff:
Brody Jenner is… Like, you know somebody that you can see on TV and pretty much say, “I hate them with every fiber of my being without listening to a single word they…” That’s Brody Jenner for me.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Like, absolutely loathsome waste of human space. I don’t need to know whether he’s guilty of the death penalty. We should still eradicate Brody Jenner.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Anyway…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
He has a new show on MTV…
Casey:
So you’ve seen this person? You’ve seen him speak and you’re saying this?
Jeff:
Yeah, like…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And this is one of our things that we’re going to talk about sometime where I educate you…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
On celebrity gossip.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
But we haven’t had a chance to do that because every time we get going…
Casey:
I see.
Jeff:
We never get back to the important things in life. In any case, yes, I’ve seen him. He’s loathsome…
Casey:
I did have a brief brush with that on the Skeptical Inquirer website, I think it was maybe. I’m not sure where. I remember… I saw they had a clip of Jenny McCarthy on Larry King…
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Talking about vaccinations…
Jeff:
Vaccines… Yep.
Casey:
Right?
Jeff:
Green vaccines…
Casey:
Which was terrifying to me…
Jeff:
I think that she actually…
Casey:
I was like, “So you have a retard interview a retard about something?”
Jeff:
The best is when she… No, wait.
Casey:
I don’t care what the answer to this question is. This is ridiculous.
Jeff:
I thought the best part was when the doctor that was on there, she was arguing with… I don’t think…
Casey:
There was a couple doctors on the one I saw…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
There was, like , 5 people.
Jeff:
And the doctor was like, “I’m sorry. As a celebrity, you think you have better information than the medical community?”
Casey:
Wow, he said that?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
I don’t remember that.
Jeff:
And she said, “Yes.”
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
So… No, yeah. But I’m in touch… I have my finger on the pulse of these wonderful websites…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
So anyway, Brody Jenner has a new show on MTV.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It’s called “Bromance”, okay. And he’s not looking. He’s not the bachelor. He’s not looking for a wife, a life partner, of any kind…
Casey:
Okay. So this isn’t like a thing it’s like you’re gonna marry Brody Jenner…
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
We’re looking for, like, some ladies…
Jeff:
Right. He’s looking for someone to hang out with him because he’s a fun guy. He does fun things. He goes to the clubs. You get to…
Casey:
How does he have money?
Jeff:
How does… He doesn’t… Like… I assume he has money.
Casey:
To what clubs is he going? Couldn’t you just go to these clubs yourself? Just showing up at the club?
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Why not?
Jeff:
You’re not getting in the door. You’re not Brody Jenner. Brody Jenner can get in the door. You can’t.
Casey:
How?
Jeff:
Because he’s the son of Bruce Jenner. What’s the matter with you?
Casey:
Dude…
Jeff:
Do you have no concept of celebrity?
Casey:
No fucking bouncer at a club today knows who Bruce Jenner is, okay. He would have no fucking clue. Let alone his son…
Jeff:
He won’t…
Casey:
Okay?
Jeff:
I guarantee you, they don’t know who Bruce Jenning is, I agree.
Casey:
Bruce Jenner.
Jeff:
Bruce Jenner. Sorry. I keep saying Jenning. I think I’m thinking of Ken Jenning the…
Casey:
Bryan Jenning…
Jeff:
“Jeopardy”… No. I’m thinking of the “Jeopardy” champion.
Casey:
Oh. I’m impressed that you know even that.
Jeff:
From Utah…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
It’s a big deal.
Casey:
Oh, wow. Alright.
Jeff:
But, no. I guarantee you every bouncer knows him.
Casey:
How?
Jeff:
He just does. That is the power of Brody Jenner.
Casey:
What the fuck?
Jeff:
Did I say that right?
Casey:
Just say Brody because you don’t know.
Jeff:
Brody Jenner.
Casey:
Or call him the Bromax…
Jeff:
Brody Jenner. Brody Jenner. Bromax…
Casey:
Call him the Bromax.
Jeff:
He… No, he gets it everywhere.
Casey:
Whoa.
Jeff:
He’s famous for not… For, like, being sort of famous and, like, that’s what’s good.
Casey:
Like Donny Osmond or something?
Jeff:
I couldn’t get into the club if I showed a Black American Express. He’s in the club. Trust me.
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
So, you want to…
Casey:
Now what is a Black American Express?
Jeff:
That’s the good one.
Casey:
I’m assuming that Black American Express, the black… Black American Express can be parenthesized in one of two ways. I’m assuming it’s Black (American Express) for associativity. Not (Black American) Express.
Jeff:
(Black American) Express.
Casey:
Because (Black American) Express, correct me if I’m wrong, right?
Jeff:
Underground rower…
Casey:
But they oftentimes are not getting the best treatment our White society has to offer. I could be wrong about that.
Jeff:
I’m just… Yeah. They get a different kind of express treatment.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
No, the Black American Express costs $150,000 in annual fees.
Casey:
You’re kidding me.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
And people pay it?
Jeff:
People gladly pay it.
Casey:
Why?
Jeff:
Because you can show the Black American Express. Black American Express means you have no limit.
Casey:
They just won. They won.
Jeff:
Black American Express…
Casey:
When they can charge someone $150,000 for nothing…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
They won.
Jeff:
There’s a level above that but we’re not gonna talk about that today.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
I could walk in there…
Casey:
What’s the level above the Black American Express?
Jeff:
I’m not talking to you about that.
Casey:
Why not? You were sworn to secrecy.
Jeff:
You’re not in the club. I’m going to…
Casey:
I’m not in the Black American Express, either, but you told me that.
Jeff:
That’s the level you’re allowed to know. Anyway…
Casey:
Oh, my Lord. Okay.
Jeff:
In fact, I sent you a link in a similar kind of thing like this…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And that’s for the Patek Philippe watches. Do you remember this link I sent you?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Where I said, “Can you tell the difference of this watch,” whether it looks like a $100 watch and what it actually cost which was $390,000.
Casey:
Now, you never said that. All I got was an email link. I clicked on it and there were some watches.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I closed the link, not knowing… ‘Cos I figured, “Oh…” Here’s what crossed my mind…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
When this came to me, okay… Email comes in from Jeff.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
I click on the link which means obviously I’m procrastinating, for starters, right? I click on the link. I see a bunch of watches. What went through my head was, “He must have cut and pasted the wrong link,” because it’s not like, you know, animal looks at camera, right, the classic Jeff Roberts video or the one you sent me the other day which was just squirrels…
Jeff:
Squirrels…
Casey:
Squirrels out and about town.
Jeff:
It was a whole…
Casey:
It was just squirrels. They weren’t doing anything. They weren’t doing anything.
Jeff:
Hundreds of squirrels.
Casey:
Just squirrels. Here’s a squirrel on the sidewalk. Here’s a flying squirrel flying through the air. Here’s a squirrel looking at the camera. Here’s a squirrel eating a nut. That was the link you sent me and what you said was…
Jeff:
And wait… What did I call it?
Casey:
What you said was, “This is the perfect Jeff link,” or something.
Jeff:
Classic.
Casey:
Classic Jeff.
Jeff:
Yes. Classic Jeff link.
Casey:
And I couldn’t agree more. I was like, “Yes,” right. So that’s I’m expecting to get from you.
Jeff:
Squirrels.
Casey:
I get this watch page. I’m like, “I don’t know what that is.” I closed it.
Jeff:
I was trying to…
Casey:
But you’re telling me now that these watches cost hundreds of thousands of Dollars for the watch.
Jeff:
$390,000 for one of the watches.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
I…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
I would say this. No one can tell the difference between it and a $100 watch.
Casey:
Right. You’d have to be a connoisseur or watches to make this discrimination, I assume.
Jeff:
It’s…
Casey:
No normal human would know…
Jeff:
I don’t believe anyone, even a connoisseur, could tell the difference unless it had the label on it because it’s not… They are not selling… Like, if you said this watch cost $300,000, you’re like, “Does it have the non--…”
Casey:
The penis massage robot.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Does it have the non-gag reflex.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
No. It is solely there because they don’t make that many. It is solely only for status. Period. It’s only there…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Because they imaginarily make them that expensive.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
It’s, like, worse than the diamond market.
Casey:
Right. Because people need… They have half a million Dollars or something…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And they need status. It’s the only thing they can get…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Because they already have money. You can’t get them that, right, so how are they gonna get the status? Well, we’ve got to give them something for half a million Dollars.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
What are we gonna give them?
Jeff:
This…
Casey:
Here’s a watch.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Here’s a handbag.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You know, that’s where we’re at.
Jeff:
And the reason this came up is because there was an article about how even the super rich are having a difficult time in this recession that we’re underway right now and that they can’t buy multiple versions of these watches…
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
The super rich have a collection of these. And so, they can choose which one they feel like today.
Casey:
So this is a problem, that they can’t do this?
Jeff:
They were talking…
Casey:
They’re feeling the pinch?
Jeff:
They feeling the pinch.
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
One of the guys they interviewed said, “Yeah, it’s very difficult for me. For example, this year, I only budgeted $250,000 for vacationing instead of my usual 2 million for vacationing…”
Casey:
Wow, that is rough. That is rough.
Jeff:
It’s rough. It’s affecting all of us.
Casey:
It is affecting all of us…
Jeff:
Right?
Casey:
Just in different ways.
Jeff:
In different ways.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Anyway, they referred to the fact that a lot of these people now only have one Patek watch…
Casey:
Of these watches…
Jeff:
Instead of multiple. And I was like, “How much can one of these watches be?”
Casey:
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Jeff:
If these are a status watch…
Casey:
Pause. What are the watches called?
Jeff:
Patek Philippe.
Casey:
Okay. Patek is a great name for a company whose sole product is the ability to take money from you.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
It’s Patek.
Jeff:
It’s Patek.
Casey:
We have the technology to have you pay for this watch a lot more than you would normally pay.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
That is great.
Jeff:
Yeah. Anyway…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I looked them up and I said, “Well, hey, if these are good fancy status watches, let’s see what they’re at,” thinking, like, I don’t know, maybe they’d be a $2,000 watch.
Casey:
And you were quite wrong.
Jeff:
I could get it for my dad for Fathers’ Day which is tomorrow. Happy Fathers’ Day, everybody out there.
Casey:
$250,000 watch…
Jeff:
Which you’re gonna hear after Fathers’ Day. . .
Casey:
Well, two weeks after Fathers’ Day.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Happy Fathers’ Day, yeah.
Jeff:
Happy Fathers’ Day in reverse.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So I thought, “Oh, I’d get my dad… He might think this is cool [ if I find something for my dad ].” The cheapest one, the one that comes out now is $50,000 and then they appreciate… And I was like, “Yeah, pop…”
Casey:
“Sorry.”
Jeff:
“You haven’t been that good this year.”
Casey:
“You’re not 50K worth of good this year.”
Jeff:
Anyway, I didn’t even know such a… Brody, I guarantee you, has a couple of these watches.
Casey:
How did he get them?
Jeff:
I’m just saying he does.
Casey:
But he doesn’t have the money for it. So where did he get them?
Jeff:
I don’t know.
Casey:
He just got them, gratis?
Jeff:
He got them. They’re actually…
Casey:
I see.
Jeff:
There’s three of them that hang out together. There’s Brody Jenner and I can’t remember the other 2. The next guy is the biggest cock in the universe…
Casey:
Hold on. No. Hold it right there.
Jeff:
There’s 3 bros.
Casey:
Things that I never want to have said about me — “There’s 3 guys that hang out together. Somebody no one’s heard of,” and then I’m in the 2 that you can’t remember.
Jeff:
Here. Wait. Let me finish it.
Casey:
That sucks.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
If Brody Jenner is the guy out of the 3 of you that people know who he is…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
You are in big fucking trouble. That blows for you.
Jeff:
Here are the 3. You got Brody…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You’ve got his bro that he grew up with who’s the biggest asshole in the entire universe.
Casey:
Brother? His other brother?
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Or just a friend?
Jeff:
Just a bro.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Yeah, bro.
Casey:
I get you. Not a brother, just a bro. Okay.
Jeff:
And then, you have the 3rd one who I can’t remember his name right now…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
He actually…
Casey:
[ Really coming through… ]
Jeff:
He founded an internet company…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And he’s worth billions of Dollars. He actually has the Black American Express…
Casey:
So maybe he bought him the watch.
Jeff:
He lets the other two use his Black American Express…
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
So he can be in the in-crowd.
Casey:
Now, wait a minute now…
Jeff:
So his in to celebrity was Brody Jenner.
Casey:
Wait a minute now. If American Express found out that somebody was letting someone else use their Black American Express, would they be upset about that?
Jeff:
No. I think you get one. You can hand it around.
Casey:
So you can do whatever you want but you’re on the hook for it…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Is all they care about…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
As long as he pays it?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Unlimited… Like, you can buy anything with it.
Casey:
So someone could let me borrow a Black American Express to go pay for something that’s 30 bucks just so I can use the Black American Express?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
But…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
You have to trust that person not to charge 5 million Dollars on it?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Because they could.
Jeff:
They can charge whatever they want.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You’ve established that you will pay anything that you place on this.
Casey:
I see.
Jeff:
So my understanding is that…
Casey:
I see now.
Jeff:
Paul Allen once bought one of his yachts…
Casey:
On the card.
Jeff:
On the Black American Express.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So anyway…
Casey:
Alright. I…
Jeff:
Brody Jenner…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
TV show. It’s called “Bromance”.
Casey:
I want to… Wait. I wanted to say something…
Jeff:
You want to be in his entourage.
Casey:
Wait. But I want to say something about status symbols before we move on to this which is a separate topic…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Which is this new reality show, right. I actually feel like, today for example, right… I don’t have any status. I admit that. I don’t… No one would confuse me for a rich person or a celebrity. That will never happen.
Jeff:
So you want to be confused?
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Today, I did feel like… I came face to face with the reasons why such things are important, right. I felt the sting of having no reputation…
Jeff:
Ah…
Casey:
And no status as an individual…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
As being a nothing, okay. I felt it. And here’s the reason.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
I am on. . . Down at Pike Place Market which is the Seattle sort of tourist market where farmers, you know, display their wares and whatever. There’s always a bunch of tourists there, especially in the summer. It’s a big destination.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Anyone who lives in Seattle certainly knows Pike Place Market.
Jeff:
Sure. It’s awesome.
Casey:
Also, it’s a pretty good place to do shopping for real. It’s not just a tourist attraction…
Jeff:
That’s what’s cool about it.
Casey:
There’s actually some good stuff there. If you like to cook or you like food, you could do worse, certainly.
Jeff:
Buying fish, buying flowers, buying spice…
Casey:
Oh, flowers, wonderful… Buying flowers there is just great. It’s so much better than anywhere else you can go to in the city. Anyway, there’s a place in the market that’s an Italian market. It’s called DeLaurenti.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Right… And it’s a great store, right. I can get good pasta there imported from Italy. It’s really hard to find. You can’t get it anywhere else that I know of, anyway… Things like this… I’m on a list there where if they get burrata in, they…
Jeff:
Wait. What’s burrata?
Casey:
Burrata is when you make mozzarella, right…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
You know, just mozzarella cheese…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Okay. You can make that…
Jeff:
The real runny kind? The fancy kind of mozzarella?
Casey:
Well, yeah, where…
Jeff:
Not the kind that’s in a green thing…
Casey:
Yeah, yeah, yeah…
Jeff:
And it’s crazy dust?
Casey:
Not the kind on, like, a Pizza Hut pizza. But you’re going to make fresh mozzarella… What you would see in the store perhaps in one of those liquidy container wacky things…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Something like that, let’s say, okay…
Jeff:
Sure.
Casey:
You’re going to make mozzarella cheese… And normally, what happens is… I guess… I’ve never made it so I don’t know the exact process. But basically, you’ve got sort of a very liquidy curds or whatever that you’re making into the mozzarella cheese which is fairly fibrous.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
The mozzarella you end up with is solid for the most part, right?
Jeff:
Oh, sure. Yeah. Okay.
Casey:
You cut it. You look at it. And it’s, like, a somewhat bumpy but solid substance.
Jeff:
Okay. I know what you’re talking about.
Casey:
That’s what you get.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
And the mozzarella that you end up with when the process is over is a single solid ball of that stuff, of mozzarella, okay…
Jeff:
[ I’m with you… ]
Casey:
If during this process, instead of allowing that cheese, the process of becoming mozzarella… Almost like the butterfly… The caterpillar changing into the butterfly… If instead of allowing that to come to fruition, you arrest the process in the middle…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
What you are left with is basically mozzarella cottage cheese is the best way I can describe it. Okay? This shit is the best shit you have ever eaten. Period.
Jeff:
It sounds… Oh.
Casey:
It’s fucking off the hook, okay.
Jeff:
God, it sounds like…
Casey:
Most of the time, you would serve it with some really good olive oil and some sea salt.
Jeff:
It sounds like…
Casey:
And maybe some crostini, right?
Jeff:
It sounds like cheese semen or something. It sounds awful.
Casey:
Not interested in your opinion of it at all. But I am so in love with this whole concept and taste that I just eat it straight.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Right. I take my burrata black, if you will, right. No adulteration necessary. I will just eat it. I can eat any arbitrary amount of it. I may be terribly sick afterwards if I eat too much but I will eat it. Pound, 2 pounds, fine, whatever. I’ll take it full on [ with this, okay. ]
Jeff:
[inaudible 29:01] Alright.
Casey:
Okay. Anyway, there are very few dairies in the world that… Sorry, in the United States, that make it. But it’s fairly common in Europe, right, in Italy. So this market gets some imported from Italy on occasion. And I am on the list where they call if they get some in.
Jeff:
Wow. Okay.
Casey:
They only last a couple days…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Okay. You’ve got to eat it when it gets there, right…
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
So I got the call.
Jeff:
You got the call.
Casey:
I got the call yesterday.
Jeff:
The semen’s in.
Casey:
I got the call yesterday. They said, “We’ve got it in.”
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Okay. It’s not the Italian one. It’s from a dairy in Southern California, right.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Now, that’s fine with me because I know the dairy to which they’re referring, okay, and I know the quality of their burrata. I’ve had it before at a restaurant. So I know this is good burrata. I want it.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
So I go down there to get it. And I said, “I got the call the burrata came in. Do you still have any left?” Normally, they’d put it aside for me but I only got the message left on my machine. And they said to me, “You know it costs $31, right?”
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
And that was the moment that I realized that obviously, when I go… Wherever I am, I in no way project any kind of image that I could afford something expensive where expensive means $30, okay?
Jeff:
You didn’t look like you could whip 30 bucks out.
Casey:
I came into the store and the person who works behind the cheese counter was concerned that I would have a negative reaction to a $30 cheese. That is where I’m at in my life. I’m 31 years old. I’ll be 32 in November. And they don’t think I can front $30 for a piece of fucking cheese.
Jeff:
Awesome.
Casey:
And I’m not talking about a little piece. It’s a pound of cheese.
Jeff:
See, that’s really dangerous to assume in Seattle because you can be sitting next to a dude with torn Levi’s and whatever…
Casey:
Right. This isn’t even New York City…
Jeff:
And he could be worth 30 million… Right.
Casey:
Right?
Jeff:
This is not a place…
Casey:
This isn’t high society.
Jeff:
Where you make those decisions…
Casey:
Okay. And I am lucky that I am not more self-conscious because I thought about it after the fact. I was like, “Wow, I cannot even convince someone…”
Jeff:
That is awesome.
Casey:
That that wouldn’t be a concern for me.
Jeff:
Right. That is awesome.
Casey:
I said I got the call. I’m on the list. They know I bought it before. I even know about this cheese. And he doesn’t think so. I’m like, “Goddamn it. I am such a loser. I can’t believe it. I walked into the store and he didn’t think that 30 bucks would be something that I could pay.”
Jeff:
Well, what you need to do is pay for it with your Black American Express.
Casey:
I need one of these.
Jeff:
And that would take care of it.
Casey:
Clearly, I need one.
Jeff:
Generally, what happens…
Casey:
I don’t know what to do. I’m like, “Wow…”
Jeff:
Generally, what happens there is that the people, when you need that status…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
They’re not gonna know… They’re like, “We don’t take these.”
Casey:
“Yeah, I don’t think that would work at the cheese counter. We only take VISA and MasterCard. Sorry.”
Jeff:
Yeah. [inaudible 32:24]
Casey:
Would be what would happen there. Yeah.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Anyway, yeah, that’s a pretty good status… “31 bucks at 31 years old”. That’s a pretty awesome status right there.
Casey:
It was pretty bad. I mean, I was like, “Wow…” ‘Cos in general, I tend to think that stuff is silly, right?
Jeff:
Uh-huh.
Casey:
I think maybe that’s just the way I was raised is I don’t think of money spent to impress someone as money well spent, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And I don’t think about that a lot. It was just a foregone conclusion in my life…
Jeff:
Sometimes it comes up…
Casey:
Because where I came from maybe or how my parents raised me or whatever. I don’t think of that, right? But it was never clearer than today…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
That regardless, whether it’s a good or bad thing, I’m not doing it.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right? That’s clear, okay?
Jeff:
Well, I’ll tell you…
Casey:
I’m definitely not doing it at all.
Jeff:
Somehow, yeah.
Casey:
Yeah. So, Bromax… You want to tell a little story about Brody Jenner?
Jeff:
Oh, well, yeah. He just has this new show where you get to be part…
Casey:
Seems unimportant now…
Jeff:
Where he wants to be part of an entourage…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
If you want to be part of his entourage, you try out. And you have to be fun.
Casey:
But what entourage? This is so bizarre. Like, how does he have an entourage? Who’s paying for this rich entourage? The rich internet guy?
Jeff:
Probably.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
You’re part of the group.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
It’s all the same.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
You got in. You’re in. You get into clubs. He’s a fun guy.
Casey:
It was part of the tryout that you’ve got to pay for the pizza?
Jeff:
Maybe.
Casey:
Because he doesn’t fucking have any money…
Jeff:
No, they have…
Casey:
Is that part of it?
Jeff:
He has lots of things like, “You have to obtain tickets to…” A hard thing to get… Like, he has a trial…
Casey:
That’s the opposite of the thing that you want when you join an entourage. Joining an entourage, you join it so that you get the tickets.
Jeff:
No, no, like, you want…
Casey:
If you can get the tickets yourself, why the fuck are you in an entourage?
Jeff:
Because, like, you need access to the things that Brody… I know it. It’s bad. We’ve got some dog issues…
Casey:
Yeah. There’s some serious dog farts in this room right now.
Jeff:
Don’t say it. She’s a lady. Poor, Dottie.
Casey:
How do you know it’s Dot and not Charles Winthrop Weiner?
Jeff:
It’s always Dot. Anyway… No, you want… As, like… If you are the leader of an entourage…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You need people that are smart, fast on their feet, that are gonna figure these things out for you. You don’t want just complete hangers on. You need people that not only are yes men but men that can get things done.
Casey:
Okay. I have no credibility with which to argue here. And I don’t know but all I can say is that’s not what I thought an entourage was. I thought the definition of entourage was that the people were useless. If they were useful, they were, like, “your team”. They were, like… They weren’t an entourage anymore. They were your assistants or your whatever, right?
Jeff:
No, no, no, no.
Casey:
Your partner. Something.
Jeff:
You have to…
Casey:
I thought an entourage… Basically, to be an entourage had to be ineffectual.
Jeff:
No, no.
Casey:
Had to be unable to do anything other than follow you around.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
That’s all they were good for.
Jeff:
Yeah. You have to have… It’s kind of like Justice League of America. See, as Superman, you’re trying to choose people… Like, you might have some ineffectual people that are, like, comic relief like Plastic Man.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Right?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You need some laughs occasionally.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You need someone that’s gonna do funny things.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You need someone who you’ll say, “Dude. Go eat all the eggs in the jar,” and he does.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
That’s what you need in your entourage.
Casey:
That’s [inaudible 35:52] I guess.
Jeff:
It’s entourage, baby… And then, you need people that can get things done, can acquire tickets, who are willing to go to the hot women…
Casey:
Okay. So here’s the thing, right…
Jeff:
You’re not…
Casey:
I’m a little suspicious of this.
Jeff:
You’re not getting on his entourage.
Casey:
Yeah, no shit.
Jeff:
You’re not there.
Casey:
I would never be in someone’s entourage who I didn’t know who the fuck they were for starters. If I’m gonna go try to be in an entourage, I’d pick someone who I’d heard of to try and get into their entourage, right? As far as I’m concerned, if I haven’t heard of you, your entourage is not worth getting on. Like, that’s all I can say.
Jeff:
That’s the…
Casey:
I need to have heard of you.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
You should be famous enough for me to have heard of you for me to want to be in your entourage in my book.
Jeff:
And if that’s not the case…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Out the door.
Casey:
This stinks in here. It is so ripe.
Jeff:
It is ripe.
Casey:
This is not a dog fart. This is like several dog farts….
Jeff:
Stop it. Don’t talk about her.
Casey:
Flatulence…
Jeff:
Stop it. What else…
Casey:
Does she need to go outside?
Jeff:
No. I’m gonna tell you something else.
Casey:
I need her to go outside.
Jeff:
No. I’m gonna tell you something else.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
I have a philosophy upgrade that I’m gonna tell you about.
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
You’ve heard of Random Acts of Kindness, right?
Casey:
Yeah, it’s a bumper sticker.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Practice random acts of kindness?
Jeff:
Practice random acts of kindness. Be nice.
Casey:
Something. Yeah.
Jeff:
I, about 2 weeks ago, practiced a random act of rudeness that I think made the world happier than an act of kindness.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So the Jeff Roberts philosophy is random acts of rudeness.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Okay. I was at a 7/11.
Casey:
Yeah. That’s a good start right there.
Jeff:
There was a man in front of a large line of us, okay. He had a coupon.
Casey:
I would say that if I had to put myself in your brain right now…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Okay… Which is a terrifying thought…
Jeff:
No, you like my brain.
Casey:
But let’s say I did that for a second.
Jeff:
You’d like it in there. It’s awesome.
Casey:
I would say…
Jeff:
It’s a party in my brain all the time.
Casey:
And this has nothing to do with the story but I would say that you would say something like… Any time there’s a long line in 7/11, that’s no good. You know, there’s problems if there’s a line in 7/11.
Jeff:
Yes. Right, that’s actually true.
Casey:
Right. That’s [ one of the truths ] like, people crossing the street too slow.
Jeff:
Truisms… Yes.
Casey:
Long lines in 7/11. They’re in the same… I feel like in your brain, there’s, like a… The lobe that’s responsible for these categorizations has a little thing in there that’s, like, “Danger, long line at the 7/11.”
Jeff:
Right. And let me tell you why.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
If you slow down a line at the 7/11…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Let me tell you what you’re buying.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Right… You’re either a kid trying to buy some beer underage…
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
No good. It’s gonna be a scene. Number 2…
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
You’re a kid trying to buy pornography underage…
Casey:
Yep. Same thing…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
Number 3…
Casey:
Or cigarettes.
Jeff:
Number 3, you’re someone buying, like, 8 million lottery tickets.
Casey:
Yes. I’ve seen that before. I’ve seen that one before.
Jeff:
No good. None of these are good.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
First off, you’re buying, like, 2 dozen. And then you’re like, “Can you check all these to see if they’re good?” And like, that’s when the line’s forming. So if there’s a line at the 7/11, there’s shit going on that you don’t want any part of. Anyway…
Casey:
I’m so happy. Both that I was able to predict this and that somehow, the rant that came out was even better than I have expected.
Jeff:
Well, wait.
Casey:
I was hoping for it and you over delivered.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
You over delivered.
Jeff:
In this case, it was neither one of those three things. None of those three things.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
It was a man…
Casey:
This a new one…
Jeff:
Trying to buy some potato chips, some Pringles.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
He had a coupon, okay.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
If you bring a coupon in the fucking 7/11…
Casey:
That’s no good.
Jeff:
You should be kicked out.
Casey:
That’s no good.
Jeff:
Coupons at the fucking 7/11 are not allowed.
Casey:
Who at 7/11 corporate is making the decision that they need to issue coupons, that that’s a good idea.
Jeff:
I don’t know what this is…
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
This could’ve just been a Pringles thing, like, “Oh, hey, present this in any authorized Pringle retailer…”
Casey:
Oh, God. Yeah.
Jeff:
Okay. And there probably was because he was…
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
He had a big can of Pringles.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
The coupon…
Casey:
The full-sized, the full tube?
Jeff:
Yeah. The full cock…
Casey:
Okay. Right.
Jeff:
The full cock of the thing…
Casey:
Yeah, the Pringles…
Jeff:
The Pringles cock… He had a coupon for a small container of Pringles.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Right? And so, the 77/11 dude was like, “Dude, I can’t take this. It’s for the wrong size.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And the guy’s like… He’s like, “Wait. No. you should take this. I don’t want to buy that many Pringles.” Right?
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
That’s what he said. Okay, this particular…
Casey:
Okay. What did he want the guy to do? Like, take out half the Pringles and sell it to him?
Jeff:
I don’t know.
Casey:
What was the…
Jeff:
He was like, “I don’t want to have to buy the big one,” right…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
“You must have the smaller one in the back because you have these coupons for the smaller things.” The guy was like, “This is all I have. I’ll let you use the coupon,” right?
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
It’s fine. The guy’s like, “No, I don’t want this many,” alright.
Casey:
Wow. Okay. So the dude’s like, “I’ll take the coupon but you have to buy the big one and I’ll give you whatever the discount was…”
Jeff:
Yeah. He’s trying to solve the problem because there’s a fucking line…
Casey:
He’s trying to meet him half way?
Jeff:
My Slurpee is melting.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Well, you were probably drinking it, too, but okay…
Jeff:
So we’re sitting there…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
If you drink the Slurpee in, by the way, you can top it back off before you leave the store.
Casey:
Nice. Well done.
Jeff:
Anyway…
Casey:
Well done.
Jeff:
There’s a lot they don’t tell you…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
If you’re not a Slurpee expert like me.
Casey:
Jeff just gets done… So Jeff has just gotten done telling us that he runs a multi-million Dollar, tens of millions of Dollars company and he is passing on the tip of when you are shopping for yourself at the 7/11…
Jeff:
If you drink it down…
Casey:
You can top off the Slurpee…
Jeff:
You can top it off.
Casey:
Yeah. Okay.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Things that Bruce Jenner’s kid, whatever the fuck his name was…
Jeff:
I’m totally…
Casey:
Probably not one of his tips.
Jeff:
No, I bet that gets me on the entourage immediately.
Casey:
Oh, right there?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Good.
Jeff:
So this guy is complaining…
Casey:
This guy? Okay… Your job on the entourage, you’re the guy who tops up the Slurpee. You’re Slurpee control. You’re in charge of Slurpee.
Jeff:
I would hire someone to be my entourage to get me Slurpees. That would be awesome.
Casey:
No, you wouldn’t, ‘cos you could. You could and you don’t.
Jeff:
Yeah, no…
Casey:
So that’s false.
Jeff:
I don’t like… I’m an army of 1.
Casey:
Yep. Go ahead.
Jeff:
Anyway, this guy trying to buy, he can’t get the small thing.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
It’s what he wanted.
Casey:
It’s not available.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s not available. It’s not in the store. “I’m sorry, sir. But we only have full-sized Pringles.”
Jeff:
This man weighed, I’m not shitting you, at least 400 pounds.
Casey:
Okay, he had eaten a lot of Pringles in his day.
Jeff:
He could handle the Pringles.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
And that is exactly what I said because I was annoyed. I said…
Casey:
You’re kidding me.
Jeff:
Exactly. We’re all sitting there… He’s arguing and he says, “I don’t want the big one.” I say, “I think you can handle it.” Okay.
Casey:
I cannot believe that I missed that.
Jeff:
That was my random act of rudeness.
Casey:
That would be the one fucking time you’ve ever spoken up in such a situation other than just… Instead of just silently raging which is what you normally do.
Jeff:
I can get annoyed at 7/11. 7/11 is my zone.
Casey:
What did he respond? Or did he just ignore you?
Jeff:
He got mad. Everyone else…
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
Now, here’s the reason why random act of rudeness works, and this is my philosophy for the world…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Everyone else in the line started laughing…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Because it was good.
Casey:
Right. Yes.
Jeff:
The guy got mad. Put down his Pringles and stormed out of the store. I made him very upset.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
I made six other people happy.
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
6 for 1, baby.
Casey:
This ties all the way back to our discussion in the previous podcast about assassination. So not only do you think that people should have the decision. You actually make it on a daily basis. You’re like, “I am Machiavelli-ing this situation. I don’t give a fuck about the fat guy. 6 people were made happier for one douche’s inconvenience. Win.”
Jeff:
Here’s my rationalization further.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I made him a healthier person by not letting him have all those Pringles.
Casey:
There you go. Pringles not a health food. Not a health food.
Jeff:
It was good for everyone.
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
That’s why I say, ladies and gentlemen of my viewing public…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Go out and be rude to somebody tomorrow.
Casey:
There you go. Well stated.
Jeff:
That’s my random act of rudeness.
Casey:
Yeah. If everyone would just go out and do something mean to another human, the world would be such a much better place.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Really.
Jeff:
That’s totally true.
Casey:
Yeah. There you go.
Jeff:
You down with that?
Casey:
Words of wisdom.
Jeff:
Yep. I’ll give you one more word of wisdom.
Casey:
Alright. Pork & pumpkins?
Jeff:
No, this isn’t pork & pumpkins.
Casey:
Okay. Those are, I think the most [ transient words ] I’ve uttered on this show, anyway.
Jeff:
Yes. I sent you a link recently about this. There’s a man…
Casey:
What haven’t you sent me a link for recently.
Jeff:
I give you all links. This man named Gene Damschroder…
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
Gene’s his first name. Damschroder’s the last name.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
He’s 86 years old.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
86. He’s living large, right.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
He was a pilot.
Casey:
I don’t remember this.
Jeff:
He was giving people free plane rides.
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
He was giving people free plane rides on his plane.
Casey:
So he has, like, a little Cessna or something like that?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Crashed and killed him and 5 other people that he was giving a ride to.
Casey:
Oh, so not a Cessna but okay.
Jeff:
I wouldn’t let me grandpa drive a car…
Casey:
Good point.
Jeff:
And he’s 88.
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
You read about old people driving through those fucking… You know, those country fairs…
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
They go through… And it’s always, “I got confused with the accelerator and break,” right?
Casey:
Yep. Okay.
Jeff:
It’s like, oh, that’s like code for old fucking person who we didn’t take the license away because the association of retired people controls all of the people on the local… On the state-wide board…
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
That could, like, “Hey, you turned 80? You turn in your fucking license.”
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Anyway…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Somebody said, “I’m getting in a plane with someone who’s 86 years old and flying around.”
Casey:
Yes. Those 5 people… I won’t say deserved to die…
Jeff:
But…
Casey:
But they can’t exactly blame anyone but themselves.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
We’ll leave it at that, right?
Jeff:
86 years old. He’s flying a Cessna. That’s crazy talk.
Casey:
Now, to be fair…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
To him…
Jeff:
To who?
Casey:
To the 88-year old guy.
Jeff:
Okay. 86.
Casey:
86, sorry. To the 86-year old guy… To be fair to him, John Denver wasn’t 88 years old, didn’t fare a whole lot better.
Jeff:
Yeah. Wasn’t [ John Denver’s wife ] flying drunk?
Casey:
They have… There’s a plane, I can’t remember what it’s called. There’s a plane that’s called… Oh, or John F. Kennedy, Jr., for example…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Young guy, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
No problem…
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Seeing, presumably. So I think in general, it is unfair to conclude somehow that an 86-year old person is somehow less qualified to fly a small plane. It seems to me that basically, if you weren’t in the Air Force…
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Don’t fly a plane.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Okay? Just don’t… You don’t need to fly a plane. Don’t fly the plane.
Jeff:
Don’t fly the plane.
Casey:
Or don’t fly it with anyone else in it. And don’t fly it around other people that you might crash into. If you want to kill yourself in a plane, great.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Let’s try to limit the casualties to your own stupid fucking self.
Jeff:
So here’s my thing.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I don’t want him… I don’t… Like, okay, Casey’s rule is he can fly if he’s a pilot. I don’t want him…
Casey:
What’s my rule?
Jeff:
Well, you said if he’s in the Air Force, he can fly.
Casey:
I’m just saying, like, obviously, someone needs to fly the planes. And most commercial pilots are from the military, right?
Jeff:
Okay…
Casey:
Are they not?
Jeff:
My thing is he has to get to the airport… I don’t want him on the road. I took his license at 80.
Casey:
He shouldn’t be able to get to the airport driving.
Jeff:
He should be…
Casey:
Either he lives there…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Or he’s not flying the plane.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
One or the other.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
If he wants to use his walker to go out…
Casey:
I failed to consider that aspect of the problem.
Jeff:
Yeah. It’s not the way it should be.
Casey:
Well thought out, Jeffrey.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Very well-stated.
Jeff:
Fucking old people.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And their hats… We don’t have any old people listeners, do we?
Casey:
I don’t know.
Jeff:
’Cos we just lost them.
Casey:
Define old?
Jeff:
What?
Casey:
The oldest people are probably my parents and they’re nowhere near 80.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
So…
Jeff:
We’re okay? We haven’t lost anybody?
Casey:
If we’re looking for 80 years old, we haven’t got any listeners in that age bracket that I’m aware of.
Jeff:
Alright. Okay.
Casey:
Of which I’m aware… Sorry, I didn’t mean to dangle [inaudible 48:26]
Jeff:
So we’re not losing any listeners. That is what you’re saying.
Casey:
I’m guessing that the 80-year olds who would be listening to this podcast probably would’ve been offended by something…
Jeff:
In a previous…
Casey:
Prior to…
Jeff:
I see…
Casey:
Here, this 17th podcast…
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
That we’re doing… I’m guessing they could’ve found a reason to stop listening a little bit before the part where we told them that they couldn’t fly a plane.
Jeff:
Oh, okay.
Casey:
Or drive to the airport to fly one.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So we can just go ahead and say we’re gonna assassinate all the old people when they turn 80.
Casey:
You can since you’re into that whole assassination thing. I, on the other hand, would not assassinate them.
Jeff:
Even if they were…
Casey:
Jail them? Maybe. Jail them indiscriminately, perhaps. But no…
Jeff:
But no?
Casey:
I would not assassinate them.
Jeff:
That’s all we have to say.
Casey:
Well, that better be. We’re out of time.
Jeff:
We’re out of time? Okay. This is a lot of podcasting we’ve done. We’ve done a lot of podcasts. We drank a lot of Thai iced teas…
Casey:
That’s 3 hours of quality content.
Jeff:
Thai iced tea is the fuel that powers our podcast.
Casey:
See, here’s the thing. This is what is strange to me, right. I am what I would call an EOA, an Equal Opportunity Anacromizer…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Okay? I believe that if you are in the habit of producing acronyms for things and saying them, that you shouldn’t not produce the acronyms simply because it forms something you find distasteful. For example, if you were the Association for Social Security…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
You should say that you’re ASS, right? “We are ASS. The ASS organization.”
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Whatever. Right? Or just don’t use [ acronyms ]… Don’t say you’re going to the ATM machine.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Don’t say you’re entering your PIN number, right?
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
If you’re not gonna be willing to say you’re a member of ASS.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
That’s my opinion.
Jeff:
So you have to… If you’re not going to…
Casey:
Do it or don’t do it.
Jeff:
You need to go, “I need to enter my personal identification number number…”
Casey:
Number…
Jeff:
Number number…
Casey:
“For ASS. For my ASS account.”
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Let’s say, right?
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Now that… So I believe that you’re in or you’re out. I don’t think you should have the ability to discriminate arbitrarily about what you’re going to acronomize, okay?
Jeff:
I’m scared what you’re gonna give me here.
Casey:
So what I’m saying it a Thai iced tea should be called a TIT.
Jeff:
No. Oh, okay.
Casey:
It’s a Thai iced tea, okay.
Jeff:
No, I told you…
Casey:
So when I said I picked up the TITs, there’s nothing weird about that. It shouldn’t be weird that I said that I bought a pair of TITs for both of us…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Because that’s what I did. I bought a pair of Thai iced teas — 2 for you and 2 for me. And then you sucked on the TITs and you got liquid out of them. That’s what happened. That’s just fucking what happened. It’s not gross. Not weird. It’s a Thai iced tea.
Jeff:
It is not gross. And I IM-ed you back and said, “Do not use that word anymore.”
Casey:
Why not?
Jeff:
It’s not acceptable.
Casey:
Fine.
Jeff:
It’s not acceptable. Thai iced tea. Maybe that should be the name of the podcast — “Thai Iced Tea”. You know, listeners, we’re gonna get a domain name for our podcast soon.
Casey:
We are gonna get a domain name. We’re gonna try to.
Jeff:
Podcast@MollyRocket.com…
Casey:
Yeah, Podcast@MollyRocket.com…
Jeff:
Give us some ideas. Give us some things. We’re gonna kick it around and we’re gonna start it up. I think we’re gonna shoot…
Casey:
That’d be great.
Jeff:
I think we’re gonna shoot for… Let’s move this over to, like, first of July.
Casey:
Problem with that…
Jeff:
What’s that?
Casey:
This won’t air ‘til the first of July.
Jeff:
Oh, ‘cos this is a specu-cast…
Casey:
’Cos we have 3 weeks ‘til we get to this podcast that we’re talking about now.
Jeff:
I see. I see.
Casey:
So actually, it would be impossible… Unless you’re Sean who has, in the past, correctly predicted exactly what we’d do on the podcast…
Jeff:
That was amazing that he somehow knew…
Casey:
I have no idea how he did that.
Jeff:
Yeah. It was amazing.
Casey:
But unless you’re him, you’re not gonna be able to [ contribute the name, ] which is fine. Maybe he should contribute the name and we should just pick his name.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
But if we actually want it to be somewhat democratic where everyone gets to sort of suggest something, at least… Then we’re gonna have to…
Jeff:
Then we should hold off a little bit?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Maybe a month from today, July 15th…
Casey:
We’ll do it…
Jeff:
We’ll open…
Casey:
So a week after…
Jeff:
Yeah, a week after. We’ll open the new thing…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And so… Yeah, email us at Podcast@MollyRocket.com…
Casey:
Podcast@MollyRocket.com with your domain name suggestion…
Jeff:
With your suggestions…
Casey:
And it has to be a domain name that’s available, right. We can’t get one that’s not available. So you have to check it on Whois.net first.
Jeff:
Yeah. And if you register it yourself and then try to sell it to us, you’re automatically disqualified…
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
Just ahead of time…
Casey:
Yes, you are.
Jeff:
Yeah. And yeah, we’ll work it out. And it can’t be called TITs, Thai iced tea podcasts…
Casey:
Only because that domain name is not available so you’d be disqualified.
Jeff:
That’s probably true.
Casey:
Believe me. If I could’ve registered TITs, I would’ve.
Jeff:
Awesome. Alright, everybody. Have a good one. And we will see you…
Casey:
Absolutely.
Jeff:
A week from now.
Casey:
That’s the hope.
Jeff:
Alright. Thanks, everybody.
Casey:
Take it easy, everyone.
Jeff:
Bye.
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casey muratori
the jeff and casey show - season 1 - episode 18
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