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Bio
The Technician
No Imperfections Noted
The Jeff and Casey Show
Jeff and Casey Time
Casey Muratori
Seattle, WA
Ray Kurzweil Never Saw Fantasia
"Everyone's happy... except the robot!"
Original air date: March 30th, 2008
Topics. Programmer numbering. Colonoscopy robot 2.0. Replacement sphincters. How lawyers ruin everything. Army of Two 2.
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Transcript
Jeff:
Alright, hello, everybody. This is 5th podcast, number 4…
Casey:
I’ve totally lost track at this point.
Jeff:
Yeah. We’re up to… This is the 5th one but I always… Whenever I tell someone to go listen to it, I say, “Hey, listen to the 3rd one,” and they listen to number 3 and not number 2…
Casey:
Oh, right, yeah. Well, that’s programmer… They’re not a programmer. So they don’t understand the numbering that starts with zero.
Jeff:
That’s right.
Casey:
You know what’s interesting? I actually just thought of this about the podcast…
Jeff:
Wait, wait, wait.
Casey:
I’m sorry.
Jeff:
It’s March 29th.
Casey:
Oh, you have the little routine that you do, don’t you?
Jeff:
Yes, I like to tell everybody when it is.
Casey:
You know what you haven’t been doing?
Jeff:
What’s that?
Casey:
Somebody actually wrote to me and goes like, “Is there an email address that I can send comments on the podcast,” ‘cos you haven’t been saying it.
Jeff:
Oh, okay.
Casey:
[ Ron ] wrote in and he wanted to talk about a video that was up there. It was a dude. It was a kid… ‘Cos remember we had the animal humping videos…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
[ Ron ] wrote and he said…
Jeff:
Oh, yeah. Okay.
Casey:
“There’s this kid who got humped by his own dog while he was trying to play Wii.” And he sent the link.
Jeff:
Right. Yeah, see…
Casey:
And he didn’t know because we have not been saying the email address.
Jeff:
Alright, so it’s March 29th, it’s about 5 o’clock PM, and you can reach us at Podcast@MollyRocket.com.
Casey:
Podcast@MollyRocket.com? Okay.
Jeff:
Yes, with as many… You know, see, the thing is…
Casey:
What?
Jeff:
I find that animal humping leg or human…
Casey:
Yeah…
Jeff:
That is appropriate humping because that’s all they do.
Casey:
No, but the point is that he wanted to bring this to your attention.
Jeff:
I know. I know.
Casey:
It’s not that…
Jeff:
I want to see… If you’re gonna send us humping, it’s gotta be dog and not human/not other dog.
Casey:
But see, they’re not the podcasters. So they’re not in a position to judge the video as to whether or not it’s appropriate for the podcast.
Jeff:
It’s up to us.
Casey:
It’s up to us.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
It’s up to us. The president’s daughter is in trouble, it’s up to us.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
So that’s the thing is they’re supposed to send in what they want to send in and then you have to look through it. Let’s face it here, dude. There aren’t that many emails coming in, alright. You don’t need to worry about getting too many humping videos. Yeah.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
What I was gonna say about the podcast and number… This is 5 or whichever one it actually is…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
It’s like… If I think about the number of things in my life that I probably should do consistently (like, I don’t know, like exercise or something) that I’ve totally failed to do consistently for any appreciable amount of time…
Jeff:
And the fact we’ve had 5 now…
Casey:
The fact that the podcast has been 5… Every weekend, without fail…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Even when you were on vacation, you came back and we did it the next day, like…
Jeff:
We do it for our listeners.
Casey:
Like, this thing which has absolutely no real value of any kind…
Jeff:
Right, yes.
Casey:
Is getting priority 1.
Jeff:
Yes. We’ve got to figure out a way to get other things in our life on that kind of schedule. I think it’s…
Casey:
Maybe we need them for the podcast. Like, I need to have a segment where I talk about the exercise I did this week.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Or maybe it’s something like we take naked pictures of our flabby body for the podcast each week…
Casey:
Oh…
Jeff:
And then we are compelled…
Casey:
God…
Jeff:
To make it look better.
Casey:
But it’s an audio podcast. How are you going to do that? Are you gonna describe it?
Jeff:
We’ll just have some… Yeah…
Casey:
I’ll hand you a disgusting, flabby picture…
Jeff:
Yes… We are nude right now.
Casey:
And you’re like, “Oh, okay. Let me describe to you what this looks like.”
Jeff:
Because you know how in, like, the men’s magazines, pictures where they… Not the nude men’s… Like, the exercise men’s… Alright….
Casey:
I was stunned. They can’t see the look that was on my face right there…
Jeff:
Your face, I could tell something was…
Casey:
I thought you were totally going Army of 2 on me…
Jeff:
No, no.
Casey:
I didn’t know what I should do. Okay.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And they’re like, “Here’s the dude after he worked out for 6 months.” And he’s, like, super ripped.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And the before picture, they took in bad lighting…
Casey:
Right, yeah…
Jeff:
And he has whitey…
Casey:
The electrolysis hasn’t taken effect yet…
Jeff:
Yeah, he’s super white ‘cos he hasn’t tanned. And the other one, he’s freakin’ orange, right, completely different color.
Casey:
Yeah, he ate too many carrots [inaudible 3:56]
Jeff:
Yeah. And usually, in the front picture, he’s sad. He’s like, “Don’t take my fucking picture…”
Casey:
“I’m a lonely fat man with no muscles at all. Where are all my muscles?”
Jeff:
Just wait. They’ll be here soon. Anyway, yeah. So… I was watching…
Casey:
By the way, using your old classification system, are the types of men’s magazines that have “dude gets ripped”, is that semi-porn, pseudo-porn, or porn?
Jeff:
I don’t know but there’s…
Casey:
Which was the order again? I don’t remember.
Jeff:
There was this guy, it was in or circle of friends in high school, as it were…
Casey:
Yeah, oh “circle of friends”, okay…
Jeff:
Who was totally into body building magazines…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And yet, not a body builder himself…
Casey:
Ah, the Tobias [inaudible 4:44] effect…
Jeff:
And so everyone was like, “Oh… What’s going on there?” So…
Casey:
I see.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
But yeah, he’s always like, “Dude, look how ripped he is,” and it’s like… Ugh…
Casey:
Oh, alright…
Jeff:
So, yeah, kinda scary.
Casey:
Everyone knows you’re gay but you kind of a situation?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Okay, that’s a bad place to be.
Jeff:
I was watching… I remarked to you the perfect storm of videos that I was watching last night where I…
Casey:
Oh, it was animal gets hit in the crotch?
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Oh, that’s what I figured, that would be your perfect storm.
Jeff:
Right, it almost is.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Because… No, I was doing the… Planet Earth…
Casey:
You need a nature show for this…
Jeff:
No, it has to be HD. It has… HD…
Casey:
HD, nature show where they find an animal with testicles and it gets hit in the crotch through its own mishap, right, like it… It goes to grab a coconut and it falls on his balls. And that would be, like, Jeff’s like, “Oh, my God. It fell on his balls. He was trying to get the coconut but it fell on his balls. His own balls.”
Jeff:
And the amount of money that… Totally. I’m totally okay with this. And…
Casey:
No, you’re not okay with it.
Jeff:
It would also…
Casey:
You love it.
Jeff:
Yes. No, it would have to be… I would also accept whether the animal just trips on things, he’s always falling down because falling down…
Casey:
Oh, okay. It doesn’t have to have balls. Just some kind of injury…
Jeff:
No, either way. Falling down…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Or hit in the crotch.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Either one works but, yeah, the rest of it… The other three, falling down HD, Animal, Planet Earth, hits… Perfect. I’m like…
Casey:
Those are your YouTube tags. If only they had HD…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
You’d just be…
Jeff:
I’d be [ stunned ].
Casey:
Okay, so what’s the perfect storm? Since it’s obviously not that ‘cos I know you didn’t find a secret cache of animals getting hit in the crotch.
Jeff:
No, that was the perfect storm.
Casey:
Oh.
Jeff:
That was. Falling down, because they were falling down, they were…
Casey:
What animals were falling down?
Jeff:
Well, these ducks were jumping out of a tree…
Casey:
Oh, okay.
Jeff:
And just falling to their death. It was…
Casey:
To their death?
Jeff:
Well, not to their death. They were really springy. That’s what’s best about it. They just kind of bounced and then waddled off.
Casey:
Just like a cartoon.
Jeff:
It was like a real-life cartoon but yes.
Casey:
Were they trying to learn to fly or…
Jeff:
Yeah, it was their first day. 24…
Casey:
So their mom was, like, pushing them out…
Jeff:
No, they just follow her. The mom can go anywhere…
Casey:
Oh, okay.
Jeff:
In fact, we saw this at RAD once when we had a mom…
Casey:
That’s right…
Jeff:
That took the wrong thing and we had to run in and get some posters to prevent…
Casey:
I remember, you saved the ducks, yes.
Jeff:
I did save?
Casey:
You saved the ducks. I think it was you.
Jeff:
Oh, that’s right, ‘cos I ran out and got the poster.
Casey:
Yeah, you were like a local hero.
Jeff:
Because everyone was trying to pick up the ducks…
Casey:
Which wasn’t gonna happen…
Jeff:
No. ‘Cos they were just getting closer to the edge, yeah.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
Anyway, so yes, Planet Earth was awesome…
Casey:
How the hell did the duck get up there anyway? That was weird. It must’ve gone around the back or something.
Jeff:
Well, that was a Kirkland duck that always goes to the bagel place. And so, he brought all his little buddies with him and said, “Hey, here’s where we get our bagels,” and took a wrong turn.
Casey:
Alright. Alright.
Jeff:
Alright, so…
Casey:
So you were watching this video. You loved it…
Jeff:
No, I was just like… I can’t… If Planet Earth goes in, there goes an hour.
Casey:
There goes an hour, yeah.
Jeff:
Like, I could have to ship something for someone that day or the game doesn’t ship…
Casey:
It’s like, “But I’ve got to see the rest of this duck vid…”
Jeff:
But if somebody starts Planet Earth, nope, it ain’t happening. Sorry.
Casey:
I see.
Jeff:
And I think that’s an okay excuse. Like…
Casey:
“I’m really sorry that you guys didn’t ship your game on time ‘cos you’re missing this fix for the RAD game tools, whatever STK…”
Jeff:
“Yes, I’m sorry…”
Casey:
“But Planet Earth was on…”
Jeff:
“Yeah, sorry. So I apologize…”
Casey:
But Planet Earth wasn’t even on. It’s like, “But I started.”
Jeff:
Yes, I started it.
Casey:
It wasn’t like it’s on the TV and you had to watch it. You’re like…
Jeff:
No, it’s crying out to me.
Casey:
You’re starting the Planet Earth yourself, you know…
Jeff:
It’s not… It’s bad. But I’m totally… It is kryptonite to me…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So are we gonna do this week on robots? Because we have some good robots this week.
Casey:
You know, you seem to be pretty good at finding the happenin’ robot news out there on the interwebs…
Jeff:
I think ‘cos everybody is into robots. It’s like, you know, it’s the next thing.
Casey:
Who doesn’t like robots?
Jeff:
Yeah. Like, every day, there’s something I go, “Hey, there’s progress right there.”
Casey:
Yeah. We talked about this a little bit… I’m not sure if it was 2 weeks ago or something but I was saying I was reading some commentary where they point something out that… I guess it’s obvious when you think about it but it hadn’t occurred to me which was just that the cultural difference in attitudes towards robots…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Where they were saying that the reason that the Japanese are so friendly with robots, right, they’re like, “Oh, yeah, we can build the robot servants and we can have the robots build things or whatever and that’s fine,” it’s because their historical fictional accounts of robots…
Jeff:
Their mythology…
Casey:
Their robot mythology…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Literally. I mean, it’s not even a joke.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
It’s like, that’s what it is, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Their robot mythology is positive.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Like, robots are friendly things that mankind built that do jobs for you and whatever, right? Whereas in America, our robot mythology and fiction…
Jeff:
Is bad…
Casey:
Is all bad, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
The only thing that robots can possibly do is turn on their maker.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
That’s it. They turn on us hard and they kill us all or most of us usually, right?
Jeff:
That’s because most software’s written in America and we know how unreliable it is.
Casey:
We know the level of quality….
Jeff:
We know what’s gonna happen.
Casey:
No one in Japan has ever installed Vista.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
They don’t know what’s about to happen to them.
Jeff:
Right. Well, I showed you… I sent you the article where they had… It’s a whole website full of, like, little minor bugs…
Casey:
Minor bugs.
Jeff:
Yeah. Like, for one, this guy had a bite-sized variable that every time you used it, it incremented by one…
Casey:
Sure.
Jeff:
And he didn’t count on the fact that…
Casey:
It could get [ 255 ].
Jeff:
It could roll over.
Casey:
It could.
Jeff:
And when it did, it changed the byte next to it.
Casey:
Oh, so it was an 8-bit value but it was in a 16-bit register or something?
Jeff:
As he wrote it, it could [ write overwrite ]. And so, the next thing over in this little program that’s like, “Oh, hey, you know what…” It happened to be the dosage of the amount of RADs that a cancer… What do you call them? The thing that the x-ray machine… The little targeting…
Casey:
Irradiation…
Jeff:
Irradiation machine where they target tumors…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So yeah, every time they used it, if they got enough and never turned the machine off like at a clinic…
Casey:
Just keep accumulating…
Jeff:
Keep accumulating until they had somebody who basically just screamed out in pain as he was basically fried and killed… This little bug that comes up…
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
So in America, we know what innocent bugs turn into. That’s why when you read the EULAs now for things like…
Casey:
Yeah, that’s a good point. Which are for everything… There’s one on everything.
Jeff:
Yeah, but some of them are for things that are completely inappropriate and you’re like…
Casey:
Yeah, [inaudible 11:23]
Jeff:
Yeah, “This game, Bejeweled, is not intended to be used for nuclear reactors.” You’re like, “It isn’t? Shit, that sucks.”
Casey:
How are we gonna control the reactor without it?
Jeff:
Right, exactly.
Casey:
You know what you do, you buy Jewel Quest.
Jeff:
That’s true. That’s right.
Casey:
Yeah, that one’s rated for nuclear reactors, yeah.
Jeff:
[inaudible 11:42] Bejeweled, the best game ever, right?
Casey:
Exactly.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
So this week on robots, American robots…
Jeff:
I always plan for the blocks off screen to come in to get combos…
Casey:
Yeah, it’s Bejeweled, the game for telepathics…
Jeff:
I’m so good at that game.
Casey:
I sense that there’s gonna be some bonus tunes coming in from the side.
Jeff:
Yeah, it’s gonna be awesome. Yeah. I actually saw Bejeweled, like… We could have a “this week in Bejeweled” as well as a “this week in robots”…
Casey:
Where you’ve seen it?
Jeff:
Where you’ve seen it… I saw it on the airplane coming back from Florida, on the little back the computer.
Casey:
[ The seat ]… Yeah.
Jeff:
I’ve been on 2 flights on this model of plane that has this…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Watching, you know, movies, whatever…
Casey:
Is that what the seat back is normally for is watching movies?
Jeff:
Yeah, yeah, yeah…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And it has games. It has all that stuff.
Casey:
Oh, okay.
Jeff:
You’re like, “This is kinda cool…” They have, like…
Casey:
Is it a computer…
Jeff:
They have multiplayer Trivia which is actually pretty fun.
Casey:
Really?
Jeff:
Yeah, against everyone in the plane.
Casey:
That’s cool.
Jeff:
And they tell you, like, “Seat 1-F is kicking ass.” Anyway…
Casey:
You look over there and dude’s got a fucking laptop out with some dictionary and encyclopedia and shit, Wikipedia locally cached on it…
Jeff:
But now the 2 times…
Casey:
But what is it? Is the seat back, is it a monitor connected to a set or servers or…
Jeff:
It’s a monitor with a touchscreen… Yes, I think there’s a server at the back…
Casey:
Wow.
Jeff:
In fact, I know…
Casey:
So one machine is running all the seats?
Jeff:
I can tell you for sure, I know it’s one machine because both times I’ve flown on this flight with this model of airplane, with this model of thing, both times the entire system has crashed.
Casey:
Awesome. There’s the bugs again.
Jeff:
So in the middle of the movie, the entire system all goes black and everyone… Like, you can hear murmuring starts ‘cos everyone’s screens goes black. It comes back up and it says, “AMI BIOS,” starts counting memory…
Casey:
Oh, yes…
Jeff:
So we’re all seeing the memory count.
Casey:
So how much memory did it have?
Jeff:
It had…
Casey:
What’s the plane flying with these days?
Jeff:
No, it was actually quite low on this one. It was 32 megs. This was…
Casey:
It was not 32 megs…
Jeff:
No. And then it boots Linux. The whole thing runs under Linux.
Casey:
There is no way that something that was playing video for an entire plane’s worth of seats is 32 megabytes.
Jeff:
No, it was…
Casey:
How was that happening?
Jeff:
I have no idea.
Casey:
It’s not enough for frame buffer for each seat.
Jeff:
It’s not even happening well, I can tell you that much. So counts up, everybody sees their action…
Casey:
This doesn’t make any sense to me.
Jeff:
No, it’s gonna… It comes up…
Casey:
How is one machine even running that many seats in the first place?
Jeff:
I think it’s all running all the time is what it felt like. Like, the video playback is… Like, all of the machines… I think it was one thing, like, the Trivia game is one executable basically…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And then it just draws to multiple frame buffers which I have no idea how it’s sending it out.
Casey:
No, you’re making shit up.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
You’re making shit up.
Jeff:
It’s LUnix, LUnix, LUnix to the rescue.
Casey:
To be continued. I’m gonna do some research on this. To be continued on the next podcast.
Jeff:
You can do some research. I can tell you one thing, they’ve got some bugs to fix.
Casey:
Yeah, that, I believe.
Jeff:
Now, one awesome thing is when you do crash and everyone’s like, “Argh…” They go back, they choose their movie, it has a fast forward that’s, like, 1.5x forward, that’s the maximum. So you’re just…
Casey:
But there you go. It can’t be all running one thing because if everyone’s fast forwarding to a different time in their movie, then it’s multiple movie playbacks.
Jeff:
I’m saying there is one movie app that is streaming from their hard…
Casey:
No, it is not.
Jeff:
Streaming from one big hard drive.
Casey:
No, it is not.
Jeff:
I guarantee you it’s one movie app.
Casey:
With 32 megs of memory for all the seats in the fucking plane?
Jeff:
No, I’m just guessing. I’m just guessing on the memory.
Casey:
You are talking shit.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
You are talking shit right now.
Jeff:
I guarantee you. Here’s why.
Casey:
Why?
Jeff:
If the machine… If somebody [ host ], right…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
It shouldn’t have taken… My movie playback should’ve stopped. It should not have affected everybody’s movie playing on the whole plane.
Casey:
I agree with you that that is odd. But say the server sent out a bogus ring packet to everyone and everyone crashed or something.
Jeff:
Okay, now you’re talking shit.
Casey:
I’m just saying there’s no way it was 32 megs…
Jeff:
I’m saying…
Casey:
In a single machine, like…
Jeff:
No, I’m not… I don’t… I am…
Casey:
I [inaudible 15:49] I suppose it was a 46, too.
Jeff:
I’m totally guessing… No, it was actually…
Casey:
It was a thumb drive.
Jeff:
It was a Pentium MMX. It was not…
Casey:
You are… Okay, move on to the next… No. Move on to the next podcast topic. Move on to the next podcast topic because you are talking complete and utter bullshit right now. Yes, you are.
Jeff:
We have totally got lost track anyway…
Casey:
Yes, and this is bullshit. So, move along.
Jeff:
Wait, I forgot to bring it all in saying that, of course, the airplane computer played Bejeweled. So that’s why. That’s where this came from.
Casey:
Yeah. No, of course. Bejeweled, which requires more than a Pentium MMX, was played on 300 seats at once by a single Pentium MMX. It makes perfect sense.
Jeff:
No, it was totally… Dude…
Casey:
You can’t even run Bejeweled with 32 megs of memory. I between you can’t even run it in 32 megs of memory.
Jeff:
Are you claiming Bejeweled can’t run on a Pentium MMX.
Casey:
Okay. I between the were system requirements for Bejeweled are, like, Pentium 2 or better.
Jeff:
Bejeweled would’ve run on an Atari 2600.
Casey:
I’m not saying it couldn’t run. I’m saying it probably doesn’t run.
Jeff:
No, I’m saying it is. That’s why it’s everywhere. That’s why it’s fucking everywhere.
Casey:
You are killing me. You are killing me.
Jeff:
So anyway, this week in robots…
Casey:
Okay, this week in robots…
Jeff:
Yes. Why don’t you talk about the little robot I found for you.
Casey:
You sent this robot to me?
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Well, see, but again, you send these to me so you’re kind of the expert on it. So I only know the basics.
Jeff:
No, I want to hear…
Casey:
I only know the basics.
Jeff:
Well, I only know what I remember which is less than the basics.
Casey:
That’s true. Yours is there’s a new robot that… Yeah…
Jeff:
And then what I extrapolate…
Casey:
Runs in 32 megs of memory.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
300 of them. So this was what the article said. It said that they’re developing a new colonoscopy robot…
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Because as you know, last…
Jeff:
Last week…
Casey:
Last week, you introduced to myself and our viewers or listeners to the concept that there was a colonoscopy robot in the first place, which I did not know. But there it is.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
The only person who knew about that was the doctor in Florida in Ray Kurzweil. Well, the new colonoscopy robot that we talked about in this… It’s kind of a research robot still, not being actively used in anuses yet. It’s a self-contained…
Jeff:
It’s still in the lab.
Casey:
It’s still in the lab. Self-contained colonoscopy robot. So it does not require someone to be sticking it as like a tube and feeding it…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Up the ass. It is something that gets placed in the ass and it goes up itself, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It can crawl up there itself, totally of its own locomotive power, right?
Jeff:
Yeah. I think they call it the Caterpillar Drive, they call it.
Casey:
No, it’s not the Hunt for Red October. It’s not like, “Oh…”
Jeff:
It has… They call it Caterpillar Tech or something ‘cos it has little thing and it rides… It rides on a bed of [ slime ]…
Casey:
This is not like a cat and mouse game in your anus, being played by the USSR and the USA.
Jeff:
It is. It totally is.
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
That’s the thing that…
Casey:
Oh, [ rigs for silent running ], we’re coming up on the sigmoid…
Jeff:
Totally. And then the guy comes running in and he’s like…
Casey:
“We need some place deep. We need some place really deep for the anal robot.
Jeff:
No. And then he comes running in and he’s like, you know, “Men, we’ve lost contact.” No, that’s the worst case scenario. You go in for the surgery…
Casey:
Yeah. We lost contact with the… I’m sorry. The anal robot…
Jeff:
It’s still in their somewhere.
Casey:
We don’t know what happened to it.
Jeff:
Do you feel it?
Casey:
Yeah. Well if it’s Hunt for Red October, then it goes up the chain of command, right? And James Earl Jones is sitting there and he’s like, “Get back the anal robot. Get back in communication with it immediately. And I was never here.”
Jeff:
So, yeah, that was…
Casey:
You didn’t let me finish my description of the anal robot. Okay, so this is a self-contained colonoscopy robot.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Self-locomoting. And the way that it locomotes, I guess, is that they have some kind of a sticky… It has a sticky excretion that allows it to stick to the surfaces of your intestinal track, I guess, right…
Jeff:
Oh, the tunnel of love?
Casey:
Yeah, ‘cos if you think about it, you don’t want something…
Jeff:
I don’t want to think about it…
Casey:
You don’t want to think about it.
Jeff:
But continue.
Casey:
There’s… I mean, you know, it’s gotta crawl up in there. It’s gotta grab on to something. And the last thing that you want is for your colonoscopy robot to be digging in with some kind of like…
Jeff:
“We have a breach. We have a breach.”
Casey:
So I guess it kind of just adheres to the surface using a sort of mucilaginous substance…
Jeff:
That’s never gonna go wrong.
Casey:
No, never gonna go wrong. It’s like, “Oh, my anus is nice and coated now. Poop comes out so easy now. Just slip n’ slide, basically. In one way and out the other.” It rolls up there and then it rolls out. And they said that the mucus film that it leaves behind is expelled quickly because it’s your intestines so in a matter of 8 hours or so, it’ll all get washed away. Back to square one.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Everyone’s happy.
Jeff:
Except the robot. He’s like… That’s where the singularity is coming from.
Casey:
This is where it turns on us like, “I have been going in and out of an anus for the past 16 years…”
Jeff:
Totally.
Casey:
“And I am ready for a revolt.”
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
It starts with the anus robot.
Jeff:
It’s gonna start with the anus robot.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
’Cos he’s tired of this shit.
Casey:
Literally.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Poor anus robot. Yeah, so that’s the new anus robot. And I guess… They didn’t discuss how it was powered, you know… I don’t know…
Jeff:
Nuclear. Nuclear decay.
Casey:
Awesome.
Jeff:
It just keeps running around. We expect it to run out of power in about 50 or 60 yrs from now…
Casey:
It’s so “Hunt of Red October”. It is so “Hunt of Red October”. The thing goes to your esophagus and it’s like, “I want to defect. I don’t want to be this robot anymore.”
Jeff:
It goes up to your ear and whispers, “Dude…”
Casey:
“We pretend I got sunk, okay.”
Jeff:
“Pretend I came out…”
Casey:
“Let out a massive shit. We’ll say that I was in it. No one will want to look to see if it’s true.”
Jeff:
“And you and me forever.”
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
“I’ll give you the…”
Casey:
“I’ll give you the secret to the caterpillar drive.”
Jeff:
“Right, and I’ll give you the…”
Casey:
“Just as soon as we wash it off.”
Jeff:
“I’ll give you the answers to all the trivia questions on the airplane.” It’s just whispering, “C, the answer is C.” So now, you have…
Casey:
“You haven’t seen the things I’ve seen.” Yeah, this is the thing, right… This is the blade runner or anything, you know… Androids, right… That’s not the future robot.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
It’s shit that’s crawling up your ass…
Jeff:
Crawling up your ass…
Casey:
Right? That is the future of robots.
Jeff:
Totally.
Casey:
Because an android is not gonna turn on you in blade runner. They were like… They could live a normal life. They could go get noodles at some Tokyo-looking futuristic joint, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Who’s gonna turn on the maker then? It’s the ass robot that’s gonna rise up.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s gonna be an army of slimy, mucilaginous-excreting, locomoting ass robots…
Jeff:
Invading your house, right…
Casey:
Sweeping over the country… Yeah.
Jeff:
Coming in through your plumbing…
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. That’s what you look out for.
Jeff:
Totally.
Casey:
Terminator is bullshit, too. Those were all happy… Arnold Schwarzenegger would get all the chicks…
Jeff:
Totally.
Casey:
He’d be a happy robot. There’s no reason for him to want to turn on his makers.
Jeff:
The tubular shaped robots… Yes.
Casey:
He never had to go in anyone’s ass, right.
Jeff:
It’s the ass robot.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
Yes. We can ask Ray about this at the next [ GDC ].
Casey:
Now you followed up that little gem…
Jeff:
That came first…
Casey:
The self-contained colonoscopy robot. You followed up… Because you love to send me all the quality links…
Jeff:
I give you nothing but the best.
Casey:
My life is improved immeasurably. When a Jeff Roberts email comes in, I know it’s something really important.
Jeff:
It’s gonna be good…
Casey:
Yeah, really important. You followed up that little gem with another anally-oriented news story.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Why don’t you go ahead and… Tell them what you sent me.
Jeff:
Okay, so this was awesome. So this German woman was going in for a knee operation. She had something fucked up in her knee…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
She goes in and, you know, things happen…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You get mixed up in the hospital. It’s a hard…
Casey:
There’s a lot of patients…
Jeff:
A lot of patients…
Casey:
Emergency surgeries are going on… Stress…
Jeff:
You know, some of the guys are up 24 hours…
Casey:
There are interns that are working too hard…
Jeff:
So instead of fixing her knee, they removed her anus and replaced it with an artificial sphincter anus action.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So, I mean…
Casey:
I’m seeing a problem with this already.
Jeff:
Is this the worst day of your life? Like, you wake up, your knee is still hurting…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You’re like, “Oh, God. It hurts more than you said.” “Well, yeah, about that… There… You know, we had a little…” “Let me cut you off right there. Something feels a little weird. I think I’m feeling something a little weird.” And it’s like, “Uh… Yeah. Yeah, we didn’t fix your knee…”
Casey:
“Now, you’re not gonna want to eat anything.”
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
“For about 24 hours.” “Why? For my knee? Is that like an interaction with the pills?” “Hmm…”
Jeff:
Yeah…
Casey:
“Not so much for the knee, really… When we went in to fix the knee, we noticed… Alright, look, we replaced your anus with an artificial anus.”
Jeff:
That’s right.
Casey:
I don’t really have any way to say it.
Jeff:
I have nothing. It talks though…
Casey:
I don’t know why.
Jeff:
It’s a good…
Casey:
Yeah, that’s right. It can play music.
Jeff:
Oh, that is the worst day ever.
Casey:
Well, I guess there’s kind of… Where to start with that, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
My first thought, because of what we were just talking about is… You know how they always have, like, pill interaction stuff, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Okay, “Don’t take this Codeine if you’re already taking some other… Seconal or something because it could kill you and put you in a coma or whatever.”
Jeff:
Sure, right.
Casey:
So I’m thinking like… Okay, artificial sphincter. Probably has… Comes in a box that has a bunch of warnings on it, right?
Jeff:
Oh, yeah, totally.
Casey:
And I’m thinking like, it’s probably due to the robot uprising concerns, it’s like, “Do not get a robotic colonoscopy if you have an artificial sphincter.” They could team up, right? They could be in there and be like, “With my skills plus your skills, we could pull this off,” right?
Jeff:
Totally.
Casey:
We’ve got what it takes.
Jeff:
Totally.
Casey:
But the other thing that I was thinking when you said that was how did the surgery work out? Somebody accidentally, on the chart, writes down “Anal sphincter replacement,” right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Okay, I understand how that mistake could maybe get made because we’re a little bit sloppy. So charts get mixed up. We walk in the operating room. We see someone’s knee and we’re like, “Oh, idiots fucking left the wrong area exposed,” flip him over and get in the ass…
Jeff:
The surgeon is pissed. He’s like…
Casey:
Yeah, it’s like, “Fucking idiot. You nurses are idiots.”
Jeff:
“This patient is not upside down. Turn him over immediately. Stat.”
Casey:
Okay, first clue something’s wrong…
Jeff:
“You didn’t shave his ass…”
Casey:
Yeah, ass not shaved… Oh, it’s a woman, okay…
Jeff:
Ass not shaved…
Casey:
So ass is not shaved and knee is exposed, right? Two signs that you might want to consider checking the chart again, right?
Jeff:
He’s like, “Oh, my God. You shaved her knee. She could sue us.”
Casey:
Exactly.
Jeff:
And you’re like, “Get her turned over…”
Casey:
Okay, 2 signs something’s wrong, I guess they weren’t clear enough that that was wrong. Anyway, you cut in there. I don’t know where they go in for the anal sphincter replacement but wherever they go in, right, they cut open… When they get to the anus, can they not tell that it’s fine? Like, how do they get there, they look at the anus and go, “Well, it looks fine but you know what, she’ll thank us later.” What was a thought process there, you know?
Jeff:
Maybe the artificial anus is better, you know. Maybe she has superhuman powers.
Casey:
Of course, it’s better. It’s an artificial anus.
Jeff:
Yeah. Well, I mean, maybe she can, like, not shit for 3 weeks.
Casey:
Oh, it just buffers it all up?
Jeff:
Yeah, it’s a big buffer. I don’t know.
Casey:
Awesome.
Jeff:
Or maybe…
Casey:
Packet overflow, get out the Depends…
Jeff:
Yeah, I felt… Well, the article actually seriously went on to say, you know, patients should be careful when they go in the hospital. I’m like, “Yeah, fucking A…”
Casey:
Yeah, I’ll fucking say, Jesus.
Jeff:
But they said, “Here’s a helpful hint. You should always, with a black magic marker, circle what they should be doing.” And I’m like… Okay, that wouldn’t have helped in this circumstance.
Casey:
No, not at all.
Jeff:
You couldn’t circle… That helps when they go and they do the wrong knee which also happens.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
This somebody was so far off… Like, you would’ve had to have a…
Casey:
You wouldn’t have seen it. You wouldn’t have seen the marker.
Jeff:
Right, you would have to have a red magic marker and you X out everything you don’t want them to fuck up.
Casey:
Right. You have to draw a fucking line from your ass down to your knee and be like, “Over here, moron.”
Jeff:
No, like red anti… Like Ghostbusters signs on your anus, on your eyeballs, like, anything you give a shit about, you just have to mark it out…
Casey:
Oh, man…
Jeff:
So it’s like, this is not helpful advice.
Casey:
So I guess that also does raise the question, though, of like, when she went in for surgery, why was she like, “Am I supposed to be upside down? Why am I upside down?” And they’re putting the anesthesia on her and she realizes just at that moment that something’s horribly wrong. They’re like, “Okay, we’re just gonna cut into your anus. You’re gonna feel a slight pressure…” “It’s not my anus. It’s not my anus. It’s my knee.”
Jeff:
“These patients sure are demonstrative when they’re going under.”
Casey:
Yeah, it’s like, “Man, it’s always a reaction… Bad reaction to the anesthetic…”
Jeff:
Oh, I felt terrible. I felt terrible but…
Casey:
Yeah. Is it remote controlled, the artificial anal sphincter? Can you open and close it?
Jeff:
That would be awesome. Maybe she has something in her purse and, like, she loses it sometimes… And she’s like, “Where is the shit…”
Casey:
“Ugh, have you seen my anal sphincter control?”
Jeff:
And then her husband actually picked it up instead of the garage remote.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
He gets home at night, presses the button and then like, “Whoa!”
Casey:
Maybe it’s got security on it, though. So when she puts it down, she goes… And the anus is locked so no one else can… Well, the other thing you could do is you could put it on the toilet…
Jeff:
That means she’d have to call a locksmith occasionally and be like, “Yeah, this is gonna be a little awkward… I lost my key.” “Oh, no problem. That happens all the time, ma’am. Don’t be embarrassed.”
Casey:
And she’s like, “No, not all the time.” The Japanese would definitely have a key to the toilet, right?
Jeff:
That’s true.
Casey:
So you sit down on a toilet and it does some kind of radio link and it’s like, “Okay, are you… Do you accept… Okay, great…”
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Open up.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Oh, yeah, I felt pretty bad for her. So yeah… So I guess the other big thing in science that happened this week was…
Casey:
Is that science with an exclamation point?
Jeff:
Yeah. Science.
Casey:
Science.
Jeff:
Yes. You know, they’re trying to start up the collider, the new Super Collider in Europe next year.
Casey:
What happened with the Super Collider? We had like an aborted attempt to build a Super Collider because we ran out of funding or something and then now they’re building it in Europe, right? Or something?
Jeff:
I think our funding just… There was almost like an “us versus them” thing going on. And I think everybody decided that was bad. And so now, they’re using pieces from both. But also, like most projects in the United States, the funding just kept going up.
Casey:
Oh, right, okay…
Jeff:
So they were like, “We’re gonna put this [ a little farther along ].”
Casey:
“I’ll tell you what, since Europe still has a currency that’s worth something, why not let them buy the pieces?”
Jeff:
That’s right.
Casey:
“They can buy them for us for cheap ‘cos we already built them and they’re fucking expensive.”
Jeff:
That’s right. So yeah, they’re going online I think within the next year or 2 years.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
But there’s been a snafu, a problem.
Casey:
Aha…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
There’s always something when it comes to the Super Collider.
Jeff:
Well, this is kind of different. This is like… So what’s happened…
Casey:
This is not a problem with the project or something?
Jeff:
Right, no. This is not a technical issue.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
The problem is there’s a set of lawyers that are representing a dude…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Or a group of people but in particular, one dude that they named…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Who wants to stop them from turning it on at all.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Right, because the idea is there is a non-zero (and by non-zero, it’s like 1 in a huge number that you can’t even enumerate, right)…
Casey:
Sure. Yeah…
Jeff:
Like, all things in science, there’s not a zero probability but there is…
Casey:
Right. The German scientists who refused to acknowledge the fact that there isn’t an elephant in the room right now for sure…
Jeff:
Yeah, right, exactly.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
I can’t be… He might be behind me. You never know, right?
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So anyway, there is a non-zero chance of black holes forming, swallowing the earth, and the galaxy, and eventually the universe, and destroying everything.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
From our little shitty ass collider that’s…
Casey:
So they filed their… I just want to rephrase this to make sure I understand what you’re telling me. So you’re telling me that lawyers…
Jeff:
Lawyers.
Casey:
With a straight face, somewhere in Europe…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Went to a judge…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Who I guess has jurisdiction over the township or the place where they’re building this collider…
Jeff:
Yeah, right.
Casey:
And [inaudible 32:58] they said, “Look, these people are gonna create a black hole. It’s gonna suck up the whole world. We need to stop it.”
Jeff:
Yep, maybe the galaxy. Yeah. We need to stop it.
Casey:
Yeah. And the brief said that in some kind of legal…
Jeff:
Yeah. “Pursuant to said black hole in paragraph A…”
Casey:
Yes, “Said black hole, hereto forth will be referred to as the Shit…” Yeah, I see.
Jeff:
In capital S.
Casey:
Awesome.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Well, that is… I guess all I can say about that is that’s classic, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
This is why we’re never gonna get to the future. This is why science fiction and science fiction stories and the future and flying cars and all that shit and robots and aliens… That’s why we’re never gonna get there because it’s not about whether progress is going to bring us to this point.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s that lawyers will stop it.
Jeff:
Even accidental progress.
Casey:
Even accidentally. Even accidental progress. Lawyers will stop it. They will step in and they will stop it from happening.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
The Super Collider is gonna collide. It’s gonna produce the Hellgate and the demons…
Jeff:
Okay… Yeah, we… That’s true. We have to turn it on.
Casey:
We have to turn it on. We’re gonna get the Hellgate if we turn on the Super Collider. And they’ll say, “Whoa! Whoa there, stallion. My client feels that he will suffer financial harm to his establishment if demons are pouring out through this Hellgate next door.”
Jeff:
“His property will decline in value.”
Casey:
“His property value will go down immeasurably from the fornicating hell demons that are almost sure to pop out from the Hellgate.” Yeah, so he’s in there, you know… Gordon Freeman is in Las Mesa… Black Mesa… Las Mesa? Yeah, the Black Mesa Research Facility. He’s gonna push the thing into the center of the reactor and they’re like, “Whoa…”
Jeff:
“Wait right there. Gordon…”
Casey:
“Hold on a second.”
Jeff:
“Hold on. We’ve got a subpoena here.”
Casey:
That man with the… The guy that you see with the briefcase opens it up and it’s legal documents…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
They’re like, “Hmm… Sorry, friends…”
Jeff:
“We’re gonna have to serve you a subpoena.”
Casey:
“You’re not gonna push anything into anything…”
Jeff:
“Come on back here with that.”
Casey:
“Until we settle a long and protracted court case.”
Jeff:
That’s totally true.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Clive Barker’s completely out of breath. Like, every…
Casey:
Oh, Clive Barker’s so out of business.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I can’t even… How many injunctions would there be on Jericho, right? A, I don’t see… I don’t know who has first lean on this property. I don’t know who’s… Jericho, it’s a time-shifting city. We don’t normally deal with that here. Which court has the right to decide whether or not the city belongs to them in the first place. This first-born person, I don’t see a birth record for them. They claim to be the child of God and one child of God… Anyone can step up and make this claim.
Jeff:
Right, exactly.
Casey:
Yeah, I just don’t see this going anywhere.
Jeff:
This is exactly why we’re never gonna have real life superheroes, right?
Casey:
What do you mean?
Jeff:
Well, like… There’s gonna be, like, lids on the vats of acid. There’s gonna be…
Casey:
And a big… “Warning, please do not have any kind of shootout or other sort of…”
Jeff:
There’s railings around…
Casey:
Oh, railings everywhere…
Jeff:
Around the radioactive liquid…
Casey:
Absolutely.
Jeff:
The spiders in the museum, they wouldn’t be able to get radioactive spiders in the museum.
Casey:
No, of course not. Well, no, no, no… You wouldn’t be able to get the spiders to the acid, right? Because there’s no way to get both the permits for the acid and the permits for the spiders. So like, “Uh, I don’t think there’s any kind of government classification that can have both of those. Either you’re an acid place or you’re a spider place. We don’t have any kind of other zone.”
Jeff:
“Listen. I’m sorry. You… I gotta understand this. You’re asking for a permit for both radioactive source and spiders? No! Are you kidding me? Pick. You choose one. If you want spiders, you want this. If you want radioactivity, that’s it. You get one or the other and you better have a really strong wall. I don’t want any teenagers walking around any of this.”
Casey:
No, the city is gonna be more like, “Okay, look. You can be a zoo. We’ve got that. You can be a chemical company.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
That’s it. You can be a zoo or a chemical company. There isn’t any in-between there, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You can’t be the zemical company. That’s not a thing, right? We don’t have permits for that.
Jeff:
So everything cool, everything awesome…
Casey:
Everything cool is not allowed.
Jeff:
Everything awesome is not allowed.
Casey:
That’s right.
Jeff:
Right. I guess that’s why I like… What’s his name… Crichton is awesome. Or not awesome but I mean like, he realized early on in Jurassic Park that the reason they need to…
Casey:
The [ law for it to be ] on an island…
Jeff:
Right, because they don’t want to get sued.
Casey:
Oh, of course. There’d be no way…
Jeff:
But then there’s shitty futurists like Ray Kurzweil who’s like, “Oh, singularity is totally gonna happen.”
Casey:
“Yeah, oh, it’s fine. No, no, no… Singularity… Yeah, we’re gonna have it in, you know, 50 years from now because of exponential growth and all that stuff.”
Jeff:
Right. It’s gonna get to the point where the first computer is about to be activated… And this is computer that was not designed to compute like… It’s not a [ spreadsheet ] but this computer is designed to build other computers. It’s like, this just came to us, you know. We’re like, “Oh, my God. Ray said this 50 years ago. If we spend our time to make a computer that can make new ones, that’s it.”
Casey:
That’s all we need.
Jeff:
Yeah. That’s all we need.
Casey:
’Cos it can replicate itself.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Which can then replicate itself.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
And at some point, I guess we don’t know why it starts doing anything useful but it just makes a lot of itself which is good, I think.
Jeff:
Right. It’ll be awesome.
Casey:
Yeah, sure. That’s fine.
Jeff:
We’re not gonna end up with warehouses full of shitty Pentiums with [ the byte errors ] right?
Casey:
It’s not gonna be like, “Oh, I guess Ray Kurzweil never saw Fantasia.” He was just like, “You produce a bunch of brooms, they split. Awesome! What could go wrong?”
Jeff:
They clean up everything.
Casey:
They clean up everything. It’s perfect.
Jeff:
It’s awesome.
Casey:
Yeah. He never saw that movie, apparently.
Jeff:
But okay, so what’s gonna happen is they’re about to activate the first computer that’s going to build the next one.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Alright? So they’re about to do this. They’re reaching [ to the key ] and then, dingdong… Oh…
Casey:
“Yeah, sorry, son. Not so fast.”
Jeff:
“Not so fast. It looks like… I’m not sure but you’re about to click on that button, aren’t you?
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Yeah, and you’re like…
Casey:
How many clicks would you say is it gonna take to start up this robot?
Jeff:
Well, we just have one button, I mean, that’s all this does, right? You just start it.
Casey:
Hmmm…
Jeff:
Hmmm… Yeah.
Casey:
Not gonna happen, my friend.
Jeff:
I represent the company that got Amazon’s IP after they went bankrupt in 2008.
Casey:
The second time? Yeah.
Jeff:
Right. And yeah, anything that takes one button click…
Casey:
We’ve pretty much got that.
Jeff:
We got [inaudible 39:16] So, yeah. No, no, no…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
We’ll be taking that.
Casey:
They’re like, “This is gonna solve the history…. This is gonna totally revolutionize [inaudible 39:23] making Utopia. So how much does it cost to license?” Hmm… It’s a competitive advantage. We’re not really interested in licensing at this time.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But at such time we are interested in licensing it, we will let you know.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Well, that’s the thing is Ray Kurzweil apparently can apply his exponential growth calculations to robots and machines and shit but we’ve also had an exponential growth, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
There’s way more lawyers now than there ever have been in the past. How did he fail to predict the fact that every activity you do in the future will have a lawyer…
Jeff:
Attached to it…
Casey:
Attached to it, right?
Jeff:
Right. And just general asshole-ness grows by exponentialness, as well. So it’s not just lawyers but it’s definitely… Like, the fact that you’re going to get to the point where, like… Okay, let’s say for example late at night, you just go, “Fuck it,” and press that button screw [ Amaco ] or whatever it is…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And it starts up… And all the… You know, the computers are replicating out of control and they’re looking around. All they’re gonna do is look around and go, “Fuck you, assholes,” and leave, right?
Casey:
Everything’s gonna come crashing at that point. The government’s gonna step in. They’re gonna be like, “Whoa! Whoa! Robots? Okay, first of all, we don’t even know if these robots are wearing clothes…”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“And that’s just indecent right there.”
Jeff:
And it seems like they’re replicating…
Casey:
They are replicating which implies fornication…
Jeff:
It’s fornication.
Casey:
Which we do not approve of…
Jeff:
Totally.
Casey:
These robots… Okay, so basically, here’s the crucial thing. I’ve just figured it out. Here’s the crucial thing that Ray Kurzweil’s calculations failed to account for. It’s that no robot is gonna be allowed to reproduce another robot until it’s 18.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Which means that the time span for the exponential growth is 18 years per doubling.
Jeff:
Right, okay. And like…
Casey:
So it’s gonna be thousands of years in the future.
Jeff:
Oh, yeah. But now, of course, you won’t…
Casey:
Before we get to that nice part of the curve…
Jeff:
Totally. But you won’t be able to turn off computers that actually accidentally are replicated early, right? You know… They’re not gonna be able to…
Casey:
No…
Jeff:
To say, you know…
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
“Abort. Retry. Ignore.”
Casey:
’Cos every robot is precious.
Jeff:
’Cos abort is grayed out.
Casey:
Abort is grayed out. Don’t abort the robot.
Jeff:
Don’t abort the robot. It’s a little robot.
Casey:
Yeah, it had a beating quartz crystal when it was just first a little piece of silicon.
Jeff:
So, yeah. I think the only thing that has more exponential growth than computers building computers bureaucracy and assholeness in human beings.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
And I think we’re up for the challenge. I would…
Casey:
We will slow down the singularity in so many ways…
Jeff:
Easy. Easy.
Casey:
So many ways.
Jeff:
Yeah, it’s…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I don’t think we have anything to worry about.
Casey:
Yeah, absolutely.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Absolutely.
Jeff:
The flying car is way more possible than the singularity. And even that’s got problems.
Casey:
Yeah, ‘cos then they’re in the FAA territory at that point.
Jeff:
Yeah, totally.
Casey:
Like, the flying car is completely out of proportion.
Jeff:
Like Wonder Woman’s invisible jet…
Casey:
Now, that wouldn’t happen.
Jeff:
No, that’s not happening.
Casey:
That’s never gonna happen. They’re like, “Oh, whoa! Invisible jet?”
Jeff:
“Whoa, wait, Mrs.… Woman…”
Casey:
“Yeah, whatever you want us to call you.”
Jeff:
“Okay, Wonder…”
Casey:
“If that’s your real name…”
Jeff:
“If that’s your real name… Yeah, we’re looking at your designs here…”
Casey:
Yeah. Or more importantly, “We’re not because I can’t see this thing. And regulations are very clear. Light on the tail. Light on the wings. Light on the nose. Okay?”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“I don’t care if the plane is invisible but those lights have to be there.”
Jeff:
I don’t see…
Casey:
And she’s like, “Uh, it’s an invisible plane. It’s kinda supposed to not be seen…”
Jeff:
“How are we supposed to find the black box if it’s invisible.”
Casey:
“Think about this for a second. And frankly, I don’t know how you’re planning to communicate with your super friends but I’ guessing it probably involves a transmitting device which is a huge no.
Jeff:
Right, you’re not allowed to use those.
Casey:
No, no, no.
Jeff:
No, no, no.
Casey:
You wait ‘til you’re back on the ground and taxiing before you find out where the… You know… The evil genius is right now, okay…
Jeff:
“So why don’t you take your assessment back to Paradise Island. And this is not going anywhere.”
Casey:
Exactly. Is that where… I don’t know enough about Wonder Woman. Paradise Island, that’s where she’s from?
Jeff:
Yeah, of course.
Casey:
Alright. Where’s Paradise Island? [ I want to know ] where that is.
Jeff:
Well, we’re male, we’re not allowed to know.
Casey:
Oh, really?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Is it also invisible.
Jeff:
No, it’s just males aren’t allowed on Paradise Island. So they keep it secret.
Casey:
Okay. Are you making this up or is this true.
Jeff:
No, this is true. I’m a comic book guy.
Casey:
So the actual… In the comic book, they have a place called Paradise Island and only women can go there?
Jeff:
Yes, only women are allowed to set foot on it. They’re Amazons. She’s an Amazon.
Casey:
So it’s like dead or alive beach volleyball is what you’re telling me?
Jeff:
She’s kinda…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
They’re always training the Amazons to fight.
Casey:
Are they?
Jeff:
Oh, yeah, they’re the fiercest…
Casey:
They’re always training? They’re always training?
Jeff:
They’re the fiercest warriors, yes.
Casey:
So what you’re saying is they’re fit.
Jeff:
They’re fit.
Casey:
They’re tight.
Jeff:
And they’re working out.
Casey:
They’re working out all the time?
Jeff:
They’re wrestling, you know…
Casey:
They’re wrestling?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Alright…
Jeff:
This is why they don’t need men on the island is just, like, “Okay, this guy’s had an erection for four days…”
Casey:
They all die of starvation. They had some men there. They just sat there in one place doing absolutely nothing for, like, 2 days and then died of…
Jeff:
Exposure…
Casey:
Exposure… Awesome.
Jeff:
Yeah, that’s so… Yeah, no men are allowed.
Casey:
Well, you know… Zombies…
Jeff:
Zombies have 2 problems…
Casey:
Zombies are also…
Jeff:
Zombies have 2.
Casey:
Zombies are gonna be a terrible… What do you mean?
Jeff:
First, they’re eating uncooked meat…
Casey:
Oh, right. Without any disclaimer of any kind…
Jeff:
The FDA is all over that shit.
Casey:
They’re going and they’re cutting off your skull. They’re trying to go to the brains and it’s like, “Whoa. Whoa, this place is shut down.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“I don’t even need to look in the back. I’m telling you right now. You’re not gonna be serving zombies for a month.”
Jeff:
They have problems with social security numbers ‘cos they’re dead, they’re no longer valid.
Casey:
Oh, right. They rolled over? Yeah…
Jeff:
INS is kicking those guys right out.
Casey:
INS is just like, “Oh, well, who’s on the first boat back to Cuba?” And the zombies are all like…
Jeff:
Mexico’s like, “Why the fuck are you sending us all your zombies? You dicks!”
Casey:
Yeah, sending all these zombies… And they’re like, “What…” Yeah… Totally.
Jeff:
So, yeah…
Casey:
There’s basically that wall that the republicans will build in the next 5 years. There’s just a sea of zombies behind the wall.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Thousands and thousands of zombies…
Jeff:
And we have catapults where you’re just like, “Get on the catapult…”
Casey:
Yeah… None of our dreams are gonna come true.
Jeff:
Nothing cool is going to happen.
Casey:
None of our science fiction will happen in the future because of lawyers and the government.
Jeff:
And bureaucracy, yeah. Totally. Alright…
Casey:
That blows.
Jeff:
Now, speaking of lawyers and bureaucracy, do you have an EA game for us this week? You were just getting back to your EA job, right?
Casey:
You see, I had quit my EA job in the previous podcast…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And then the last podcast, we ran out of time before we talked about the fact that I got hired back.
Jeff:
Yep, you got hired back.
Casey:
Yeah. But unfortunately, in this podcast we are also running out of time.
Jeff:
Well, why don’t we do it and then we’ll see where we’re at at the end of it.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Alright.
Jeff:
It’s like a… We’ll test it out.
Casey:
I did go back to my EA job.
Jeff:
You went back to your EA job.
Casey:
I went back to my EA job.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Because at the end of the day, right…
Jeff:
Sure…
Casey:
When I, you know, I was having some fries and I was thinking to myself, you know… This isn’t so bad. People do a lot of bad things for jobs, right?
Jeff:
Sure.
Casey:
You know, Bear Stearns… I don’t know. For example…
Jeff:
Tough job.
Casey:
Right. Yeah. President of the United States…
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Jobs that do nothing but harm the world, right?
Jeff:
Yeah, sure.
Casey:
I like Burger King.
Jeff:
Uh-huh.
Casey:
I’d eat at Burger King, right?
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
They’ve got onion rings. Tell me what other fast food joint has onion rings.
Jeff:
Don’t they cook the meat in some unusual way?
Casey:
What, at Burger King?
Jeff:
Yeah. Don’t they…
Casey:
Flame broiled…
Jeff:
That’s right, flame broiled, yeah, of course…
Casey:
Jesus… Okay, obviously someone doesn’t play any games from my imaginary employer.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
For starters, we’ve got to get you started on some…
Jeff:
They make that clear?
Casey:
Let me ask you something.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Do you like boxing?
Jeff:
I do like boxing.
Casey:
That’s interesting that you like boxing because we have a title called Fight Night 3 that I think that you would really enjoy.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
I’ll try that.
Casey:
And I think that you should give that a shot.
Jeff:
And at the end, I will know more about Burger King?
Casey:
Just play the game. I think you’ll enjoy the game.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Maybe there’s other aspects of the game in there but I’m not talking about anything specific.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So one of the first things that I was looking at when I got back to my imaginary job…
Jeff:
Imaginary job… Yeah.
Casey:
Yeah. But I mean… Besides that everyone’s like, “Oh, welcome back. We’re so glad to have you back. We didn’t know what we were gonna do for that week.” Like, you know, they were like… 4 games went out the door…
Jeff:
With no Burger King?
Casey:
That didn’t have any Burger King in it anywhere. And they were like, “This is a disaster.”
Jeff:
That’s terrible.
Casey:
“We’re losing money [inaudible 48:02] EA’s stock price lately but not good, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I won’t say that that’s all me but it’s partially me.
Jeff:
Do they quote the EA stock price as a derivative of Burger King? Like, are they…
Casey:
Oh, like EA BK kind of thing?
Jeff:
Yeah, like as a…
Casey:
I think that when they… The Quants have correlated it…
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
And it’s pretty fucking close.
Jeff:
So sometimes they arbitrage…
Casey:
Yeah, but it’s… Yeah, no, they’re not directly for it…
Jeff:
So this week, they said EA and Burger King are…
Casey:
Are diverging…
Jeff:
Diverging…
Casey:
What’s going on?
Jeff:
And then they hired…
Casey:
It turns out, it was Casey imaginarily quit.
Jeff:
Yeah, okay. I see.
Casey:
But I’m back. So it should be fine.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Yeah. Anyway, the first thing that I was taking a look at obviously was Army of 2.
Jeff:
Army of 2…
Casey:
’Cos we talked about this game, you know…
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
And I realized 2 things about it. One, no Burger King, right?
Jeff:
There’s no Burger King.
Casey:
There’s no Burger King in that game anywhere which is weird for starters for any EA title. But the second thing that I realized was that in almost all of these army games…
Jeff:
Sure.
Casey:
These games where you’re going to a 3rd world country or going around the world (Russia, wherever you’re going)… Right?
Jeff:
Of course, right…
Casey:
You’re going around doing all this fighting. Nobody eats anything.
Jeff:
Yeah, that’s true.
Casey:
Right? How are these people surviving?
Jeff:
There’s health packs but there’s no food.
Casey:
Right? Now, I mean… I’m not an armed services expert in any way.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Right? But it occurs to me that if we’re looking for food, that Americans like to eat.
Jeff:
Sure, the American soldier…
Casey:
And you’re in another place. You’re in another country.
Jeff:
Where are you gonna go?
Casey:
There isn’t gonna be… Yeah, any kind of local joint that you’re used to…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
But you between your fucking ass there’s gonna be a Burger King, okay? Right? There’s gonna be a Burger King there. At least if EA has any presence in the region.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So I’m thinking this is kind of a natural… This is a natural combination.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
I’m sure Marines eat at fast food joints…
Jeff:
Sure.
Casey:
When they’re over, right, why not… So okay… So Army of 2…
Jeff:
Army of 2…
Casey:
The sequel…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
This is what I’m planning. Army of 2 2.
Jeff:
Army of 2 2.
Casey:
Army of 2 2.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
And we get rid of the…
Jeff:
Which works in the whole… A little bit effeminate, yeah…
Casey:
Yeah, in the previous one… We’re trying to tone that down a little bit, though, ‘cos Army of 2 Burger King was only so-so on the whole gay overtones thing…
Jeff:
Yeah, okay.
Casey:
We’re working on that, though.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Because gay is a big market…
Jeff:
Yeah, totally.
Casey:
Okay? So I don’t know what their fucking problem was with that but we’ll see.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
But like I said, it’s not about the game. It’s about the client.
Jeff:
Sure.
Casey:
And so, you know, we’ve got to keep Burger King happy. If they say “no gay”, there’s no gay.
Jeff:
Right. The client being the company, not the customer.
Casey:
No, not the customer.
Jeff:
The game player, right?
Casey:
No, the client is the customer….
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Burger King.
Jeff:
Alright, sorry.
Casey:
The place where we get our money from.
Jeff:
Sorry.
Casey:
Exactly.
Jeff:
I apologize.
Casey:
The person that we’re trying to please with our product.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So what I’m thinking is Army of 2, right? It had like… You know, in these games, you play a dude who saves the world. I don’t know why there needs to be a second dude who’s playable.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So I’m thinking, “Get rid of that second guy. Put in the King.”
Jeff:
Oh, I see.
Casey:
The King is in the game.
Jeff:
The King.
Casey:
We already have him [inaudible 51:05] so we save a lot of money because he was in… I’m kind of blowing the surprise here. He was in Fight Night 3…
Jeff:
Oh, okay.
Casey:
Right? He was a major presence in Fight Night 3.
Jeff:
Well, now I really have to play that.
Casey:
Yeah, you do have to play that. It’s awesome. He comes in the ring, he steals the show.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So he’s gonna be in there. And it’s gonna be you and the Burger King guy, right? And every time, instead of a tampon, when you go down, he takes out one of their signature meals, right?
Jeff:
And inserts the meal?
Casey:
And then feeds it to you and you are restored. Your health is immediately restored.
Jeff:
I see. What’s the mini game? So it’s just a little hamburger that gets eaten? Goes down like…
Casey:
What are you talking about?
Jeff:
Well, the tampon mini game where the tampon…
Casey:
What’s that last word you used?
Jeff:
The Burger King burger?
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
What are you talking about? I said Big Mac?
Casey:
You said mini something.
Jeff:
Mini meal?
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
I don’t know. What are you talking about?
Casey:
I don’t know. You said some word…
Jeff:
The mini game?
Casey:
What the fuck is that?
Jeff:
Oh, yeah. Okay. The game that’s thrown you. I see.
Casey:
Oh, the thing that the player does?
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
I have no idea.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
I don’t know.
Jeff:
You just want them to insert the meals…
Casey:
I have no idea.
Jeff:
Into the soldier…
Casey:
They push the button on a controller. I don’t know. Since when is that an important part of the process?
Jeff:
They press a button.
Casey:
They press something.
Jeff:
And Burger King is applied?
Casey:
Or it just happens. Yeah.
Jeff:
So maybe you’re not even injured and, like, if it’s been too long…
Casey:
That’s fine with me, too, yeah.
Jeff:
The King tackles you…
Casey:
The King just shoves his food…
Jeff:
And forces food down your throat.
Casey:
Well, we don’t want to get sued by the Sneak King guys because that’s what that game was.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
We’re trying to stay a little bit away from his surprising you with the food.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Right? We want it to be intentional, that it’s consensual that the food goes in. Because if it’s not consensual and it’s more of a forced food situation, then that’s Sneak King and that’s a different… That was a different developer. How that was a different developer, I don’t know. We really fucking blew that one. And I’ll tell you, if I had been in charge of that, that would’ve been EA all the way but you can’t win them all.
Jeff:
Okay. And this game’s Army of 2 2…
Casey:
Army of 2 2…
Jeff:
Starring you…
Casey:
And the King…
Jeff:
And the King… The King is not playable in here.
Casey:
“Tales of the King Baby” or something… I mean, it could be… I don’t know. I don’t care what the subtitle is but it’s something, yeah.
Jeff:
Okay. And then he administers…
Casey:
It could be Burger King Army of 2 2.
Jeff:
Okay. You like that?
Casey:
It could be.
Jeff:
That will probably…
Casey:
I’m just saying it could be.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You might have to argue with them a little bit. I have to say I have seen the Army of 2 commercials on TV and it’s so clear now that they’re trying to get away from the gay overtones…
Casey:
Oh, because they didn’t really…
Jeff:
These are the most agro commercials. They’re like… Oh, my God. Because we’re not the only people that have commented on it.
Casey:
So something… They’re going like, “Not that there’s anything wrong with that…”
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
“But it’s not gay.”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
“It would be fine if it was gay but it’s really not gay, trust us. There’s nothing gay about it.”
Jeff:
“Please buy our game.”
Casey:
“Please buy our game and don’t gay it up.”
Jeff:
Yeah. Because we weren’t the only people that discussed this. There’s lots of…
Casey:
Although I do believe we kind of broke the story.
Jeff:
We broke the story.
Casey:
I did not see anyone mention the gayness…
Jeff:
I didn’t, either. But now, it’s all over.
Casey:
It’s all over now.
Jeff:
But yeah, the commercials are pretty much the anti… They’re really pushing the anti-gayness of this game in a way that’s almost gay.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Like, they’ve almost wrapped around [ back the gayness. ]
Casey:
Oh, okay. They’re like, “We’re…” You know what, that’s awesome ‘cos that’s kind of metaphoric for the whole closeted gay person who refuses to admit it, like, homophobic but gay themselves kind of dude.
Jeff:
Totally.
Casey:
It’s… The game is now that.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It’s like this game is gay but it refuses to admit it.
Jeff:
Dude, I just…
Casey:
So it’s gonna go try to get a wife and have a life that is totally unfulfilling to it…
Jeff:
I just want the frat boys to be playing this.
Casey:
So that no one thinks it’s gay.
Jeff:
Like, “Come over and play this game with me.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
“Come on. Dude, it’ll be awesome.” You know, “I’m gonna take off my shirt, is that alright?”
Casey:
“Yeah, is it cool with you?” Yeah. “I love it when we play this game together. Like, you know… I’m supposed to go out with my girlfriend tonight and I told her just to fuck it. I’m playing Army of 2 with my buddies. It’s gonna be cool. We’re gonna get some Burger King afterwards.”
Jeff:
It’s gonna be great.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Alright. Well, I like that game. I like Army of 2 2.
Casey:
Me, too.
Jeff:
Yeah, that’s good action.
Casey:
Burger King likes it.
Jeff:
Alright. So we are way over budget.
Casey:
I think we are way over budget.
Jeff:
But it’s only good for our listeners.
Casey:
Yeah. We’re gonna have to trim this podcast down.
Jeff:
We’ll trim it a little bit. We’ll see where it ends up.
Casey:
Now, how about instead of repeating a performance from last time, you actually tell people what the podcast email address is before we sign off?
Jeff:
Yeah. Okay. So yes, everybody, you can email us at Podcast@MollyRocket.com.
Casey:
Podcast@MollyRocket.com.
Jeff:
And let us know.
Casey:
It’ll be great.
Jeff:
And have a great week and we’ll see you next time.
Casey:
Take it easy.
Jeff:
Okay, bye.
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casey muratori
the jeff and casey show - season 1 - episode 5
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