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The Technician
No Imperfections Noted
The Jeff and Casey Show
Jeff and Casey Time
Casey Muratori
Seattle, WA
There's Only One Destination
"I see a lot of food, being consumed, in the game."
Original air date: March 9th, 2008
Topics. HD fireplaces. Reinstalling Windows XP. MacOS X version names. The second Metracritic 100% games. The Indefinite Bar.
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Transcript
Jeff:
Hello, everybody. This is the Jeff & Casey (or Casey & Jeff Show, I should say). Let's start over. I lost it. Okay. Silence. Start all over again. Hello, everybody. This is the Casey & Jeff Show. It's March 8 at 11 PM.
Casey:
Hello.
Jeff:
And we’re going to talk about random stuff again that doesn’t make any sense. And today, I did a whole bunch of random stuff. I did some shopping. I did my HD shopping I was telling you about. HD’s are now super cheap.
Casey:
Yeah. So what exactly happened with HD actually? It didn’t work out at all or what?
Jeff:
Toshiba totally got Sony’d but…
Casey:
They were the Betamax of this generation?
Jeff:
No. Well, I guess…
Casey:
Well, they weren’t the better format. So last time, Beta was a better format, I guess, supposedly, right?
Jeff:
Well, it’s hard to say which one was better. I mean, I think as far as quality, at least right now they’re better. I mean, they’re the same. Whereas in the future, Blu-ray might be better. The sucky thing about Blu-ray is they haven’t cracked Blu-ray+ yet. So I don’t mind buying HD’s because I can play them on the hard drive.
Casey:
Yeah. Okay.
Jeff:
Anyway… Yeah, so you can get them really cheap now which is also kinda cool. They’re as much as a DVD or sometimes cheaper.
Casey:
Yeah. What did you buy?
Jeff:
Well, I bought a whole bunch but there were some that just killed me like there’s an HD version of “Half Baked”.
Casey:
That’s quality.
Jeff:
Well, you need it ‘cos when you’re stoned and you’re ready to watch some classic weed comedy, you want the highest quality possible.
Casey:
Well, see, the thing is, I’ve never actually been stoned. I have to admit that on air. I have no idea. I’ve been to a Phish concert… I’ve been to many Phish concerts…
Jeff:
Oh, so you had the contact high?
Casey:
Yes. So I was gonna say I have an idea of what it probably is like to be stoned because they’re sort of…There’s enough pot in any one of those concerts even though… They play massive arenas, right? You see them in, like, a 50,000-seater arena or something like that…
Jeff:
Of course, sure.
Casey:
But their fans fill that shit up. I don’t mean fill up the seats. Obviously, they fill up the seats. They fill up…
Jeff:
The atmosphere…
Casey:
The volume…
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Of the theater with pot quickly. I mean, for some reason, the smoking doesn’t start very much… People don’t seem to get very pre-baked.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
There’s a group of people who eat, like, pot brownies in their car or something like that and are definitely stoned before they go in, for sure. But then, there’s this other group of people who are timing it. Like, the instant the lights go down and Trey’s head starts bobbing out from backstage, there’s a shit ton of flames…
Jeff:
It all blazed… Okay…
Casey:
All over. You can see all these people just totally are like, “Okay, time to take the really big hits right now. Let’s get this going.” You know?
Jeff:
They all got their blaze on.
Casey:
Oh, man.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
So that’s the closest I’ve ever been to being stoned was being…
Jeff:
And did you have an inclination to watch “Half Baked”? Because that movie…
Casey:
I did not. I have not seen “Half Baked”.
Jeff:
Oh, man.
Casey:
I’m sure all these people… They were eating Half Baked, the ice cream and I’m sure…
Jeff:
I just don’t understand, like… Okay, it’s a small audience, anyway. They scrape together enough to buy a DVD player, not an HD DVD player…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Probably it’s not gonna bother them…
Casey:
No, no. There is no way they scraped the money to buy a DVD player. It’s like VHS. It’s like someone’s old VHS player that they found at the dump or their friend had it or their live-in girlfriend who moved out didn’t bother taking it with them…
Jeff:
They heard about Netflix and it sounded good but they couldn’t use it because they only have a VCR.
Casey:
Right. So there’s one Netflix in a case sitting on the top of their mail and they never actually opened it.
Jeff:
So the other thing that was surprising is they had an HD… It was called HD Fireplaces. That’s it. It’s basically a playable screensaver where it just shows a fireplace. And I was trying to think of the guy getting his swerve on and he turns on the plasma display and throws up HD Fireplaces which probably has a soundtrack of little pops and…
Casey:
Yeah and crackles and stuff…
Jeff:
Yeah, exactly. That’s really awesome. And you know, ‘cos that’s obviously the same amount of romance as a real fire. So…
Casey:
Well, in today’s world of yuppie dating, that’s probably sexier, okay. If some dude takes you home and puts on a real fire, you are so not gonna fuck that guy. You are not at all… You’re like, “Thank you very much for dinner. I am going home.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Dude pops open HD Fireplaces on a 60-inch plasma and…
Jeff:
You’re all over.
Casey:
Yes, you are taking your clothes off. You are ready to go at that point. There’s no question in my mind.
Jeff:
That explains the next movie which… So that was on one page and I hit next. And this is…
Casey:
Wait, I’m not sure that I’m totally understanding the HD Fireplaces, though, ‘cos here’s the other question about HD Fireplaces is let’s suppose that you’re not like a swinger. You’re not out for action when you buy HD Fireplaces. You’re like, it’s for the family, right? So we’re gonna put on HD Fireplaces at Christmas time and the family’s gonna be here. So does this lead to the same kind of troubles you normally have with a TV but now it’s like fireplace isn’t working. Like, “Oh, I can hear the fire but I can’t see the fire.” And you’re talking to the guy at work and, you know, [ dad ]. And he’s like, “Well, I don’t know. Did you check the input setting on the Fireplace? I don’t know…
Jeff:
So you mess up, you don’t have to worry about the flu anymore but now input select is always on the [inaudible 5:59]
Casey:
It’s not like I can’t light the fire like, “Oh, I need some help getting the fire. Is there a boy scout around?”
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Right? It’s like, I can’t fucking figure out, “Is the Fireplace plugged in?” Yeah.
Jeff:
Dial-a-Boyscout.
Casey:
Absolutely.
Jeff:
Yeah. That’s useful for other people, too, you know. Just dial them up.
Casey:
It’s like, “Oh, I had to call HD Chimney Sweep…”
Jeff:
“To clear my shit.”
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
Actually, with the normal awesomeness that is HDMI and copyright protection stuff, that’s not…
Casey:
Yeah. Totally.
Jeff:
[ Mike ] [inaudible 6:31]actually had an HD display and an HD player. But because he didn’t have the right cable in between them, it refused to play. It’s like “content protected”…
Casey:
Awesome.
Jeff:
So you’re right. It will be the same… You haven’t saved, you’ve just traded one set of problems for another one. No flu but now you’ve got copy protection issues.
Casey:
The copy protection stuff is so awesome with that because it’s like the only people who would be stopped by this kind of copy protection (which actually is probably most people) are also the people who can’t get it to work normally.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Like on DRM shit, they can’t get that to work. So you’ve now made it even…
Jeff:
These new [inaudible 7:13] MP3’s have got my stymied.
Casey:
Or no, I mean, more just like their VCR is blinking 12. They’ve never successfully pirated a movie with it. They don’t even know how they would go about pirating a movie with their VCR, right?
Jeff:
Totally.
Casey:
You’re stopping those people. Meanwhile, [ Sven ] has got you owned. Like, he’s got some logic analyser on your thing that’s sucking out…
Jeff:
DVD [ Sven ]…
Casey:
Yeah, like some dude on the street corner in Hong Kong is just stamping out the Blu-ray+ with some kind of awesome thing. And so, it just doesn’t make any sense at all. You’re just fucking people who already were fucked by their own inability.
Jeff:
So you’re saying DRM is the new Flashing 12.
Casey:
Yeah, DRM is totally the new Flashing 12 like, I don’t know, “We rented this movie and we can’t watch it.”
Jeff:
Okay. Yeah.
Casey:
The other way to put it is why are they engineering failure into devices when when they were engineering success, they were getting failure already, right? It’s like, before when they were trying to make it work and we’re failing…
Jeff:
Well, that’s what’s so awesome. Wait, wait, that’s what’s so awesome.
Casey:
Now, they’re trying to fail.
Jeff:
But that’s what’s so awesome.
Casey:
Maybe they’ll succeed now?
Jeff:
Exactly. If they try to fail, they’ll succeed and then we win.
Casey:
Yeah, it’s like, “We’re trying to make this thing that didn’t work and it’s working. But we can’t figure out what we fucked up.”
Jeff:
Yeah, that would be awesome, like the bug reports… “Customer reports the video is working.”
Casey:
“The customer is able to watch video.” You’re like, “God, damn it!”
Jeff:
[inaudible 8:42] showstopper.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Well, the other…
Casey:
Showstopper…
Jeff:
That’s right.
Casey:
“Customer was able to view film. Do not ship. I repeat, do not ship until we resolve this.”
Jeff:
“Revoke all keys. We need to fix this. We have no idea how he’s able to do this.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Well, it kinda explains why there’s… So on the first page, there was HD Fireplaces. Next page was HD Fireplace Impressions from a different company. So there was enough marketplace for two. So I think you’ve explained it. It’s the new bling — fireplace bling.
Casey:
So let me ask you this…
Jeff:
Impressions had…
Casey:
Is Impressions a different vendor or is it a sequel?
Jeff:
No, it’s a different vendor.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
But they have one special thing in it and they play classical music along with the fire. Now, really, they should be playing Barry White or something…
Casey:
So this one is clearly the family one.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Maybe the other one is the Barry Manilow one.
Jeff:
It’s the Christmas fireplace. Alright.
Casey:
Well, I think the thing is Fireplace Impressions is an interesting name. Like, that makes me think of like, “Here. This is the one that’s at the hearth in Times Square. So let me do that.” And it’s like this little fireplace who turns around, puts on sunglasses, and turns back around, he’s like a different fireplace.
Jeff:
It reminded me of, like, it would be a DVD of a whole bunch of kid drawings of fireplaces, right? It’s kind of like a fireplace, you know, with big clouds and you’re like, “This isn’t soothing at all.”
Casey:
No.
Jeff:
Like, “This kid has no talent at all.”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Your kid sucks at drawing.
Casey:
“Jimmy, 5th grade.” And it’s like this little… It’s just poop. It looks like a big ball of poop but it’s like, [inaudible 10:18] fireplace. He just fucking scribbled all over the thing.
Jeff:
I have two more movies that struck me. One was… And this is awesome. This is HD Bikini Destinations. So the thing that struck me about this was who needs to buy a 30… And this is… All my others were $9.
Casey:
Okay. ‘Cos it was clearance…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It was, like, “Everything Must Go”.
Jeff:
Right. And so, when I was ordering my Bikini Destinations…
Casey:
Yes. You noticed…
Jeff:
It was $35.
Casey:
So it’s roughly 3 times…
Jeff:
3 times for basically what you’re going to consider is shitty porn, right?
Casey:
Yeah. Actually, it’s more like 4 times, really. You’re almost up to $36. You said it was $9…
Jeff:
Maybe there was a 3-disc set.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
But I’m like…
Casey:
Well, let me ask you this. How many… It’s “Destinations”. It’s not Bikini Destination. So how many destinations were there?
Jeff:
Well, from the pictures, it seemed like there was just one destination, that was the crack of someone’s ass.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
But I don’t know. If I got the video, maybe they go elsewhere? I don’t know.
Casey:
Well, it could be multiple asses.
Jeff:
I’m sure there were more…
Casey:
If the destination is the bikini itself…
Jeff:
That’s true.
Casey:
Because it’s not “Bikinis (plural) Destinations”. It’s “Bikini Destinations” which makes me think that we just go to multiple places on one bikini which frankly is probably not worth $35.
Jeff:
I think I was ripped off.
Casey:
Yeah. Probably.
Jeff:
I don’t know. I’m just like…
Casey:
On the other hand, it is HD.
Jeff:
It is HD. I never have to go that bikini in real life…
Casey:
So here’s something that’s worth figuring out. Which film crew had all the film equipment and was like, “We’re gonna go film…” Was this like an off-duty, like during the writers’ strike thing? Or something like… Like, the team that normally films some really high budget show like Heroes goes down on spring break and is just like, “Whoo! Let’s film everything!” What happened there?
Jeff:
I don’t know. Maybe they thought… I mean, doesn’t Hollywood totally exist only for the chance that old white people are gonna get lucky with young, pretty women. That’s the only reason Hollywood exists.
Casey:
It doesn’t exist for the “chance”. It exists for the “certainty”
Jeff:
Well, for the certainty.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
So I’m just saying, hey, you get some, like… Maybe they are A-/B+ models…
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
Who are doing Bikini Destinations. You fly them down to some island in the middle of nowhere with very liberal laws on Roofenol and you know, go crazy. I’m just saying. So I don’t know. There must be a market. I just don’t know the 13-year old that has an HD player that starts this up, who’s incapable of finding free porn on the net. That’s all I’m saying.
Casey:
That’s a very good question.
Jeff:
Kids, Red Tube.
Casey:
Google Image search with the filter off… If you probably just cut and paste “Bikini Destinations” in there, you’ll probably get more action than the DVD will provide. But maybe not.
Jeff:
Yeah. Well, but…
Casey:
Something to test…
Jeff:
Yeah, that’s totally true. I mean, you do miss, with the picture search, the awesomeness of trying to fast forward an HD movie past the boring part. It’s like… To get back to…
Casey:
Oh, this particular destination on the bikini was not…
Jeff:
No, no. You have to get past the part where they’re like, you know, interviewing the model first. It’s like, “Oh, yeah. It’s the first time ever…” You skip that. It’s like a porn movie. You’ve got to get right back to the action.
Casey:
Well, it’s not just that you have to skip it, right. It’s almost like it’s a danger zone ‘cos if you listen to that interview, you are gonna be so fucking turned off. You’re just gonna be like, “You know what, eject the disc. Eject it right now.” Like, even me imagining impregnating this woman is a bad idea already. Like, the kids that would pop out would be so fucking dumb. It would just be ridiculous.
Jeff:
They’re all by HD Fireplaces.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
So I spent the day ordering HD’s. You spent the day screwing with installs.
Casey:
Oh, yeah. So what I was doing… I had a machine that I wanted to clean slate. It was running XP.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
So what I wanted to do was reinstall XP on this machine. So format the hard drive, reinstall the XP that was already on there. But since it’s formatting, it’s a clean…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Not one of those “Repair this busted piece of shit with a slightly fresher piece of shit”.
Jeff:
Right. Alright. “Refresh my shit”.
Casey:
Yeah. As I was going through this process, I thought it would be interesting to record the steps that I went through after a little bit ‘cos I realized exactly how ridiculous it was. And it started… You know, there’s a bunch of things that you do. And I didn’t have this urge at first to keep track.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
’Cos it’s the blue screen thing that comes up when you format the drive and whatever and it’s like, “Okay.”
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
You know, you kind of get it running and you get to the sort of second phase of the installation which is where…
Jeff:
When it goes to graphics?
Casey:
Yeah. When it goes to graphics.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Only then was I gripped with sort of… So it goes into graphics mode and it does the installing thing.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
And it finishes that. And then it kind of boots into the Windows XP experience.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
For a lack of a better term…
Jeff:
Right, that’s when they start up…
Casey:
XP experience, right…
Jeff:
That 8-bit video…
Casey:
Yeah. So that’s where I got the urge. So that video starts up. And it’s hard to say enough about this video.
Jeff:
That video is good stuff.
Casey:
It is amazing.
Jeff:
The sound usually skips.
Casey:
Let’s back it up a second here. I think… I guess you’re mis-remembering. No sound driving has been installed at this time, most of the time. So there is no sound. It’s not a Mac where you like… They have all the [ disc ] like… And Steve Jobs is whispering in your ear, “You’re gonna love this and come over to my house later.”
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It’s not that.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
It’s just silent, completely silent at this point. And the movie is playing back in dithered, ugly… It’s like the ugliest fucking thing. But even if it wasn’t, even if the playback [inaudible 16:37] I don’t know who made this movie. It’s so heinous. It’s in these pastel-y sort of white, blue, and pinkish kind of colors…
Jeff:
It’s also the very…
Casey:
It’s like the puffiest thing…
Jeff:
Right. It’s also the very best color scheme for a 256-color gradient because the gradients are all, like, fucked up.
Casey:
Oh, God. Right. It’s like 4 colors total, right, all of which are very close together so there’s no differentiation and they can’t quite get it going. It’s super low-res. It’s like a 320x240 movie. It’s playing at 2 frames a second.
Jeff:
It’s hard.
Casey:
It’s barely able to animate. Oh, my lord…
Jeff:
Dude.
Casey:
So at that point, I was like, “Okay, I’ve got to write this down. This is ridiculous.”
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
It boots from there. After it plays this awesome animation, when you’re really psyched to start using Windows XP now, it’s like, “Wow, it might look like a C64 demo if I get it working…”
Jeff:
With silence, apparently.
Casey:
With no sound, yeah.
Jeff:
Okay. No sound.
Casey:
Exactly. It goes into the screen which is like, “Let’s take a moment to set up your PC,” where it asks your name and everything.
Jeff:
Okay. Polite.
Casey:
So what happens is you see… I think most people just forget this after they’ve set up their machine, how awesome this is. You see a little mesmerizing swirl. It’s like a little circle that’s got candy cane stripes that’s going around, right. It’s tiny. And a little question mark forms out of the swirl.
Jeff:
Okay. So it’s like you flush and then question mark…
Casey:
I don’t know. I don’t know what it is.
Jeff:
It’s a vortex of…
Casey:
It’s obviously [inaudible 18:09] It looks nothing like the video. This screen and the video look nothing like each other. The animation looks nothing like each other. There wasn’t a question mark…
Jeff:
They change resolutions…
Casey:
The resolution is different. They’re totally separate. There’s no aesthetic coherence of any kind. Swirling thing into a question mark.
Jeff:
Right, we switch to a new team and now we’re on…
Casey:
Yeah, some other team. It’s the Bob Team.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Because in a second here, I’m gonna tell you what the question mark does. So it’s the Microsoft Bob Team, I’d guess.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
And they’ve rendered this little swirling craplet that turns into a question mark. The question mark then starts talking.
Jeff:
The question mark talks.
Casey:
The question mark has a balloon like one of those little talk balloons, like a comic talk balloon.
Jeff:
Awesome. So this is like the Riddler in Batman. He’s like, “Riddle me this case…”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
“How much RAM do you think you’ll need?”
Casey:
Exactly.
Jeff:
“More than you have.”
Casey:
“More than you have, perhaps. I hope your family only has 5 users ‘cos there’s only 5 input boxes on this screen. What is little Sally to do? I guess she doesn’t get to use the computer.” Yeah. I have no idea what they were thinking. It’s a question mark which, incidentally, I guess is in theme because that is exactly how I felt looking at this, ’cos I was like… It was totally interrogative, like, who the fuck… Like, what is this?
Jeff:
What the fuck is going on?
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Why is there a question mark? The question mark has a little balloon…
Jeff:
Let’s call him the What-the-fuck.
Casey:
Yeah, okay. So the… I’m gonna call him Markie, if that’s okay.
Jeff:
Okay. Question Markie?
Casey:
Markie, yeah. So Markie pops up a balloon, right. And the first thing that struck me was why is a question mark talking? It doesn’t have a mouth. It doesn’t have eyes. It is anthropomorphized in absolutely no way but it starts talking. So I’m wondering if this was like the people… Their take away from the “everyone hates the paperclip”, the problem was that it was anthropomorphized.
Jeff:
I see.
Casey:
Not the problem that it was talking shit all the time but the fact that it was a little cute thing. So instead there was like… No, just a question mark and then people will love all the rest of his thing. ‘Cos everything else [ is about what they’re saying ]. So it then says in its little balloon after saying I think something along the lines of, “Let’s take a moment to set up your PC.” It says, “I’ll be right here if you need me.”
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
It then morphs from a question mark into an arrow which points towards the upper right corner of the screen.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
“I’ll be right here if you need me.”
Jeff:
Up in the upper left?
Casey:
It shrinks.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
And moves to the lower right corner of the screen.
Jeff:
It goes to where it’s not pointing.
Casey:
Yes, it’s like…
Jeff:
So the first thing you do is click on it and so, “Why didn’t you go where you said?”
Casey:
I’ll be like, “You are such a dick. You told me you were gonna be right here if you need me and then you’re not there,” right, which totally sums up the Windows XP experience for me 100%, but still…
Jeff:
You know, that’s probably not Microsoft’s fault. It’s probably a driver bug where all the bitmaps are drawn inverted.
Casey:
Yeah, upside down, yeah. Totally.
Jeff:
And the question mark is really supposed to be like the Spanish question mark.
Casey:
Spanish language. Yeah.
Jeff:
Donde es la [inaudible 21:40]
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. I’ll be [inaudible 21:42] if you need me.
Jeff:
Alright, so he wasn’t there for you and you had to go the rest alone.
Casey:
Okay, I was like, “That’s awesome.”
Jeff:
I never noticed it and I’ve probably have done this a thousand times.
Casey:
Yeah, you have to… Absolutely. It is the most fun part of [inaudible 21:58] But then, it gets to the part that’s [ the kind of ludicrous ] part, which I think more people do remember which is once you actually do that and you type in your user name or whatever, it boots and the installation is nominally finished but not really because you have to do Windows Update.
Jeff:
Right, ‘cos right now, your machine, if you plug it into the internet, it’s about 40 minutes…
Casey:
It’s like virus time.
Jeff:
Right. They timed it. An unprotected machine, 40 minutes on the… If you have an externally visible IP, you’ll be infected, part of the [ bot net ]…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
You’re just… That’s how fast.
Casey:
And the little question mark pops and goes, “Fuck, baby.”
Jeff:
No, he’s just like, “Somebody raped me. Who do I call?”
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
And you say…
Casey:
It’s now a question mark with an exclamation point next to it. Yeah. Right.
Jeff:
Alright. And it asked you who to call and you said, “I’ll be in the upper right…”
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. Like, “I’ll tell you what…”
Jeff:
“I’ll be right here if you need me.” Okay, so you go to Windows Update ‘cos you have to.
Casey:
Yes. So I went to Windows Update. And since I was inspired by the question mark to kind of record it, I sort of wrote down the steps that happened ‘cos you can’t possibly remember there. There are so many, right?
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So I run Windows Update and the first thing that it said at the Windows Update page is, “You need to install an ActiveX control.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Right?
Jeff:
Because it’s hard to do that in…
Casey:
Well, whatever… I mean, right, it’s like they ship Windows Update with XP.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
So you might think that they would have the ActiveX control pre-installed in the machine as required…
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
But, no. Instead, you have to install it. Okay…
Jeff:
Probably because the first one was a vector…
Casey:
Yes, exactly.
Jeff:
Was a vector system to get more…
Casey:
So the user experience is click on Windows Update, hit a dialogue box that’s… I mean, get a page that says you need to install an ActiveX control…
Jeff:
So this is a meta update?
Casey:
Which it then blocks.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
The default behavior is to block the ActiveX control. So then you have to click on the thing that says, “This may compromise your machine” in order to prevent your machine from being compromised.
Jeff:
And it will compromise your machine.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
So you’re saying the little yellow thing that…
Casey:
The yellow thing activates. It’s like, “We blocked this site from installing potentially malicious software on your machine.” You’re like, “Okay. Good call.” Once you get that to go and you click on, “Okay. Install this ActiveX control,” It installs the ActiveX control… The ActiveX control then allows it to put up the button which says, “You need to install Windows Update”.
Jeff:
Wow.
Casey:
It did not download Windows Update. It just installed the ActiveX control that allows you to install Windows Update.
Jeff:
Wow. Okay.
Casey:
So now, the “Install Now” button is there. So I click on the “Install Now” button which is what I kind of wanted to do before I clicked the “Install Now” button. But this is the “Really Install Now”.
Jeff:
So this is like “Install, for heaven’s sakes”.
Casey:
Right. So I after I click on the “Install Now” button, it pops up one of these… I don’t know what you call these. I want a new name for them, right, because a thing which has a percentage done on it that starts on the left and ends on the right when it’s full is called progress bar in computer parlance. That’s what you call it. It’s like, “Oh, it’s a progress bar.” But there’s this new kind of bar that Microsoft and Apple have in different ways of rendering it. Apple kind of does a candy cane and Microsoft kind of does it like a what-the-fuck kit, you know, Knight-Rider-get-me-out-of-here thing that’s just bouncing back and forth around randomly…
Jeff:
Okay. Alright.
Casey:
But it doesn’t show any progress. It’s just an animation, right.
Jeff:
So you know your machine has a crash.
Casey:
You know your machine has not… The display driver hasn’t hung.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
It could be well that the thing that was operating is never going to complete if you have no indication that that’s still going, right?
Jeff:
Sure.
Casey:
So whatever that is, a non-progress bar, right? This is the indefinite bar.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
We’ll call it the indie bar. So the indie bar pops up. And it’s going and it’s just going. It went for like a minute…
Jeff:
It just bounces back and forth?
Casey:
Well, this one kind of cycled. It didn’t go back and forth. It kind of cycled. So I guess not quite, just going, right. It’s just going, going, going, kind of like the Windows XP boot bar, right, it’s just going.
Jeff:
Alright, it’s just going.
Casey:
It’s going.
Jeff:
We’re making progress.
Casey:
Yeah. So finally, after a minute, it went and it said… It brought me to a page and it said, “You need to update your Windows Update.”
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
So what took it so long to know?
Casey:
I don’t know. It said, “You need to update your Windows Update.” So now, instead of an “Install Now” button, it had a “Download and Install Now” button. So that whole minute with the green progress bar installing the previous app… And installing the previous app was to get to the point where I can have [ it on this ]. I clicked on that.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Downloaded 3 things, one of which was Windows Update…
Jeff:
Alright, need that… Said you needed it…
Casey:
Need that. One of which was something I don’t remember…
Jeff:
Malicious software something.
Casey:
Exactly. And the third was Windows Genuine Advantage.
Jeff:
Oh, you need the Genuine Advantage.
Casey:
Right. Yeah. So at this point, I guess it felt that the most important thing to do was to check to make sure I was actually running a legitimate version of Windows XP.
Jeff:
Yep.
Casey:
Okay. Because we wouldn’t want the guy to get to the next step of this process without knowing that he was, in fact, genuine.
Jeff:
Yeah. Well, there’s lots of genuine advantages.
Casey:
Yes, of course. Here’s the problem. Windows Genuine Advantage requires a restart of the computer.
Jeff:
No, it’s a service or something?
Casey:
I don’t know. The next thing that pops up is, “You need to reboot your machine.” I’m like, okay… We have not installed any software. All we have done is update Windows Update. Gotten the Genuine Advantage tool…
Jeff:
Well, you’ve updated Windows Update twice.
Casey:
And we have to restart. 3 times. It’s the 3rd update of the Update…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
It’s the 3rd update of Update.
Jeff:
This is awesome.
Casey:
Okay, so I click on that. It restarted the machine. At which point, I’m thinking the Genuine Advantage is the [inaudible 27:52] reboot, a lot.
Jeff:
Yes. The question mark is even impatient now. He’s like, “Oh, for fuck’s sake…”
Casey:
So now, I finally reboot the machine, run Windows Update again. It did not auto-run. I had to go re-launch it. And it listed 102 updates.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Wait. Were you, like, on so Service Pack?
Casey:
This was Service Pack 2. The disc had Service Pack 2…
Jeff:
Holy shit.
Casey:
Windows XP installed it [inaudible 28:16] built in. 102 updates…
Jeff:
Wow, that’s awesome.
Casey:
I looked through them.
Jeff:
Oh, alright. You don’t want to get one…
Casey:
Yeah. 90 of them were critical security updates.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
It’s kind of what you’re [inaudible 28:28]
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
And one of them was Windows Genuine Advantage.
Jeff:
Again?
Casey:
Again.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So apparently, the previous Windows Genuine Advantage was not sure if I was genuine. It’s like, he interviewed me and was like, “I think this guy’s telling the truth. But you know, I can’t tell. I’m not sure. So could you talk to him and just see what you think? Can you tell me, is he a good guy, whatever…”
Jeff:
“Does his ID match?”
Casey:
“Does he seem genuine to you?”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Yeah. Okay, so I run all that shit. I don’t know. It took forever, right. It does an hour of downloads, installations…
Jeff:
All of which time, in this hour, you’re like, hoping you don’t get [inaudible 29:05] because that’s a long time to go…
Casey:
Right. Yeah, who knows? Right, it could get totally owned, like, hopefully, the firewall is stopping people because if this is right on the net, by the time it actually had all this critical security flaws, one of them probably would have been exploited.
Jeff:
Totally.
Casey:
Okay. So they’re all updated and install says 102 updates. And then it says, “You’ve got to reboot your machine.” So I’m like, okay. So I reboot the machine. Run Windows Update again…
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
But the problem is with those 102 updates, some of them were, like, Internet Explorer 7 which doesn’t come with Service Pack 2.
Jeff:
Sure.
Casey:
Or, like, .Net framework, whatever…
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
So now that I’ve got those, there’s 9 more updates.
Jeff:
Of course, yeah. You’ve installed new software.
Casey:
’Cos it’s like Internet Explorer 7… Yeah, you’ve installed new software into the machine. I’ve got to update that shit.
Jeff:
You don’t expect them to, like, build that into the…
Casey:
No, no, no. We gave you the old, shitty, original version of 7 because maybe you didn’t want the updates, you know. Maybe you wanted the shitty version.
Jeff:
You required us to have optional…
Casey:
Yeah, exactly, optional shit sucking.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
We wanted to be able to have the original awesome Internet Explorer 7 experience so that we could then update you to the new experience. So I did the 9. The 9 updates required a reboot. So I rebooted the machine and I ran Windows Update again. And there was still another update.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
It was .Net Service Pack 1. I’ve installed that one, did not require a reboot. And finally, the list was clear.
Jeff:
Wow.
Casey:
That is the end of the XP…
Jeff:
And then you were ready to use your computer.
Casey:
I was ready to use my computer.
Jeff:
And you were immediately owned by accident because you got [ fished ].
Casey:
Yeah, possibly. So that was pretty awesome.
Jeff:
Wow. So that was, like, all day, just sitting there, tending the [ rape ] bar.
Casey:
Well, I didn’t… It was… ‘Cos I could go do other things.
Jeff:
Yeah.
Casey:
It was more like, “Why was there [ user input ] to any of this shit?”
Jeff:
So the question mark appears. He’s there when you don’t need him.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
He’s not where you will need him.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
And then you never see him again.
Casey:
That question mark does not exist anywhere else. No.
Jeff:
No. Alright. Maybe he’s still down there if you click on the lower right…
Casey:
Maybe. Maybe if you click on the lower right, yeah…
Jeff:
And he’s like, “What are you waiting for, buddy?”
Casey:
Yeah. “I’ve been waiting 5 years for you to talk to me.”
Jeff:
“I told you to click on me.”
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
Oh, brother. Wow.
Casey:
It was awesome. Highly recommended, Windows XP experience. I can only imagine what Vista has in store.
Jeff:
That’s the price of progress.
Casey:
I’m sure it’s got some awesome stuff in there.
Jeff:
We will have a Vista show…
Casey:
Yeah, to install that some time. I don’t own a copy of Vista, though.
Jeff:
We have some Vista here…
Casey:
You’ve got a Vista?
Jeff:
We’ve had to switch for a couple whatever projects and, boy, I have some stories.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
But that’s 40 minutes alone…
Casey:
Of Vista?
Jeff:
Yeah, of just Vista lovin’ so that’s… Wow, dude. That’s pretty painful. Now it’s ready…
Casey:
That was starting with Service Pack 2. What about some poor guy who has Service Pack 1 or worse, yet, just a vanilla Windows XP disc? They probably just roll over and die. Download SP 2 first…
Jeff:
Yeah. I can’t imagine being, on a first generation, being unprotected that long.
Casey:
Oh, right.
Jeff:
[inaudible 32:20] by the time… Yeah. And it’s not even like, “Oh, you’re behind the firewall,” but like, the original XP had all the universal plug & play so it opens services back at the router for you automatically.
Casey:
Awesome.
Jeff:
So it’s not even, like, “Hey, I’m safe because I’m… Yes, I’m unprotected but I’ll get this stuff.” It’s like, no, you turn one of these on. You have a universal plug & play router…
Casey:
Your own [inaudible 32:44]
Jeff:
And yeah, the [ baton ] slides in and… Yeah.
Casey:
Awesome. So when they wrote Windows XP, they had a nice little virus port opener that works through a router. But when they wrote Xbox Live, they couldn’t fucking figure out how to get chat to work across a firewall? Awesome. That’s quality right there.
Jeff:
It is good action.
Casey:
Quality.
Jeff:
Yep, that’s right. Wow. Boy, that’s pretty brutal. That is pretty brutal. I installed an OS 2 days ago. And that was to get… Shit, I don’t know what version. It’s like 10.5…
Casey:
This is Mac OS, then?
Jeff:
This is Mac OS. I had to get the newest Mac OS because I wanted to play with the iPhone SD kit…
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Which is 2 and a half gigabytes which is…
Casey:
Probably more than the iPhone kit hold…
Jeff:
Can hold, right, but okay, it took whatever. And it’s gonna be cool ‘cos I love my iPhone.
Casey:
Yes you do, fanboy.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
Say it. You’re an iPhone fanboy. All you do is talk about it and use it.
Jeff:
I would’ve slept with Steve Jobs to get an iPhone.
Casey:
Yep.
Jeff:
Now, I will sleep with my iPhone every day. I have no problem with that.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Yeah. The singularity is gonna come from somebody…
Casey:
With an iPhone.
Jeff:
Impregnating an iPhone.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
However, I was immediately struck because I didn’t know what…
Casey:
So does the touch-sensitive screen respond to a penis? If you just lay a fucking penis on the screen, does it know where you have touched it?
Jeff:
I’m sure it has that and it is probably…
Casey:
So it’s not that far from being able to do what you’re talking about?
Jeff:
No, it’s not.
Casey:
It can respond to you, sexually.
Jeff:
Yes. It does.
Casey:
Oh. It does?
Jeff:
I do to it and I imagine it does to me. So that’s all I’m saying.
Casey:
Okay, got it. So they just need… They need the tactile aspects of the iPhone to be added…
Jeff:
I don’t want you to ruin it for me. I pretend that it does.
Casey:
Okay. So you installed Leopard then, is what you installed?
Jeff:
I think. The point…
Casey:
The latest one is Leopard.
Jeff:
Okay, I installed Leopard. So the problem was they say, like, “Oh, hey, you need Leopard.
Casey:
You need Leopard.
Jeff:
And I didn’t know because…
Casey:
You didn’t know which one that is…
Jeff:
The only way you know is basically what the default desktop picture is which I usually kill immediately.
Casey:
Right. Yeah.
Jeff:
But you go into the About and it’s like “10.4.3.1” or something like that.
Casey:
And doesn’t say Leopard?
Jeff:
Yeah, so I don’t know.
Casey:
Really?
Jeff:
So I didn’t know. And then you looked up to see and so, give us the rundown.
Casey:
Okay, so they named them after cats.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
It’s the way that it works.
Jeff:
They’re agile.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
They’re dangerous.
Casey:
Well, my thinking was Apple has had a little bit of a surprise success ‘cos they were pretty nothing about 5 years ago.
Jeff:
They were on the deathbed.
Casey:
They didn’t have an OS. It was complete antiquated technology…
Jeff:
They had no question marks…
Casey:
Nothing. Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
No updates…
Casey:
So my thinking was they were, like, you know, most places use their naming conventions for products like internal names and so on, are based off thing of which there are in abundance like rivers for intel projects or something like this, right? That’s very common.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
You’re not probably going to run out of rivers before your company is gone or doing something else, right?
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
50 years from now…
Jeff:
Right. Still doing rivers.
Casey:
With this, they were like… I mean, how many great cats are there? 10? 12?
Jeff:
And that should be enough before we’re out of business.
Casey:
So they were probably like, “You know what? It’s fine. This does not have legs.” So now, they’re probably thinking like, “Well, we kind of had some surprise success. I don’t know what we’re gonna do…”
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I mean, you can already see that, right? ‘Cos the list is, it’s Cheetah…
Jeff:
Okay, Cheetah was 10.0?
Casey:
Cheetah… I don’t fucking know. Cheetah… These are in order so, yeah, 10.1 or something.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Cheetah, Puma…
Jeff:
Okay, Puma… I hated Puma.
Casey:
Jaguar, Panther…
Jeff:
Panther.
Casey:
Tiger, Leopard.
Jeff:
These can totally be porn names.
Casey:
Possibly.
Jeff:
The Puma, Tiger…
Casey:
So we’ve already reused one. A panther is a black leopard. There’s no such thing as a panther. A panther isn’t an animal.
Jeff:
A panther is a black leopard?
Casey:
Yeah, a panther is just a colloquial name for a black leopard. It’s not a species.
Jeff:
An urban leopard is a panther. I’m with you.
Casey:
Okay. So the thing is… And maybe this is [inaudible 37:10] maybe they promised a bunch of shit in Panther and then it didn’t materialize so it’s Leopard now or something.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
I don’t know if it has some meaning there but a panther…
Jeff:
So we went from Panter to Leopard.
Casey:
We’re already reusing… We could’ve… It’s like, “Okay, our next one is Grey Leopard and Snow Leopard.” That’s where they’re at in the ability to use names. They’re already reusing.
Jeff:
Sure. So what are they going to use next? We’ve got to make the guess.
Casey:
My preference would be… My preference… I don’t know if this is what they’re going to use. This isn’t a prediction. This is a desire.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Will be Mac OS Wildcats.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
So, basically, all the…
Jeff:
So the whole theme…
Casey:
The whole theme… You know how they normally have these really stylish buttons or whatever? It would just be like shit cut out like a barely roughed out the edges of a cat for every icon. And it’s doing something fucked up so the trash bin is, like… It all splayed out in a dumpster and it’s like… You know, where your files is or whatever, you know, and then your trash can throwing out your shit or… You know what I mean? I think that will be an awesome OS.
Jeff:
That would be perfect.
Casey:
I would absolutely install that.
Jeff:
I would use that theme even now.
Casey:
Absolutely. But I don’t know… Why? Did you have a better idea for the name?
Jeff:
No, no. I think that’s great. I mean, if the machine crashes, it could just say “Fail”. Yeah, the whole thing works.
Casey:
It’s like a meme OS. Absolutely.
Jeff:
And there’s a good crossover, I think, in the internet market…
Casey:
Yeah, Apple people and people who go to ICanHasCheezBurger every day.
Jeff:
Yes.
Casey:
It’s probably, like, 1 to 1…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Except for grandma who doesn’t know about it but she would love it ‘cos cats are cute, right?
Jeff:
Right. Well, they all have cats and they’re all taking pictures and then putting on…
Casey:
Well, then, it’s possible that they’re just like, “Yeah, it’s Mac OS Tabby.” Like they just give up with the fucking…
Jeff:
Garfield. Mac OS Garfield.
Casey:
Garfield. Yeah. Right.
Jeff:
I would like that.
Casey:
Or Mac OS Fritz for the other sort of underground… Yeah.
Jeff:
Yeah, Mac OS Garfield could work. I’ll go for that ‘cos then you could be like… Oh, Mondays, the desktop changes to black. And every day, there’s scheduled appointment for lasagna.
Casey:
Awesome.
Jeff:
It’s wacky. Yeah. Alright, that’s pretty good. So you have some Metacritic 100 games?
Casey:
Oh, it’s time for the Metacritic 100 games?
Jeff:
If you’ve got some.
Casey:
I have one.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
Well, like I said, I…
Jeff:
You can come up with these indefinitely.
Casey:
I’m more… I’m not the creative genius here. I’m more looking at this from the kind of, for lack of a better term, EA perspective…
Jeff:
The market…
Casey:
Which is how can we basically take games and make them more Def Jam, if you will.
Jeff:
Alright, more urban.
Casey:
More urban.
Jeff:
Urban. Is it urban or urbane? Alright, continue…
Casey:
I guess I don’t know. I guess I’m gonna have to say urban.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
So, what I was thinking was kart games.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Kart games.
Jeff:
Alright. Mario Kart…
Casey:
Exactly. EA does not, to my knowledge, currently ship a kart game.
Jeff:
No, it’s called Sabotage.
Casey:
Right. Yeah. It’s their 50th version of Sabotage.
Jeff:
Yeah. Okay.
Casey:
They do not ship a kart game even with their various acquisitions as far as I know. Like, there’s no Peter [inaudible 40:38] like, you customize your kart and it has meaning and behavior kart game or anything like that. It’s just, you know, kart games [inaudible 40:46] And there is obviously a property that kind of fell by the wayside.
Jeff:
Sure.
Casey:
Mario Kart is [inaudible 40:54] not going to get that.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
DD Kong Racing, on the other hand…
Jeff:
DD Kong?
Casey:
Has not been touched in a long time.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
Dead franchise.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
We could reinvigorate it.
Jeff:
Reinvigorate it? Okay.
Casey:
Urban feel…
Jeff:
Alright…
Casey:
P. Diddy Kong Racing.
Jeff:
Okay. I see. So you’ve got Sean Combs in the house…
Casey:
Sean Combs plus DD Kong Racing equals P. Diddy Kong Racing.
Jeff:
Sure.
Casey:
This is a game I’ve been pitching for a while, actually.
Jeff:
Really?
Casey:
Yes. I’ve pitched this game to people before.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
And for a lack of a better term, I’m just going to say that they absolutely fucking loved it, every single one of them. It obviously grabs the imagination.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
I’m thinking of kind of…
Jeff:
Do you race as all of the…
Casey:
You don’t race. No.
Jeff:
P. Diddy.
Casey:
You don’t race. It’s not a racing game.
Jeff:
Oh, it’s not a racing game.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
P. Diddy doesn’t race.
Casey:
When P. Diddy drives through town, he drives as slow as he can.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So this game is not about racing…
Jeff:
So the ladies can see him?
Casey:
That’s right. So this game is not about racing, it’s about pimping out the car…
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
It’s about having to buy the bling on the car using a micro-transactions system…
Jeff:
Alright, I like this.
Casey:
Because EA is all about the micro-transactions.
Jeff:
Alright, I like it.
Casey:
Pimping out the car, driving as slow as possible by the honeys, which is like Princess Peach and Daisy and so on, I don’t know who comes with the P. Diddy Kong license, some Mario characters but, you know… I don’t know. And you get…
Jeff:
Right. Paris Hilton…
Casey:
Yeah, Paris Hilton, for sure.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
That is the game, not racing. There’s no racing in the game. Yeah. It’s kind of like a fans…
Jeff:
So characters are all his alter egos or lots of rappers? Because there could be like an East Coast/West Coast where you’re driving by and there could be trouble. [ And maybe like Mario… ]
Casey:
Much like any EA content acquisitions kind of manager, I don’t know the first thing about my target demographic or the business in which I’m working.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
I just am some retard who shows up and goes like, “How can we make some cash here?”
Jeff:
Alright. And this is…
Casey:
At the expense of the player… So I show up and I go, “P. Diddy Kong Racing. You guys fucking figure it out. Yeah. You guys figure it out.”
Jeff:
“I’m going.”
Casey:
“I’m done.”
Jeff:
“I’ve done my bit.”
Casey:
Yeah, exactly. But we probably, yes, would get fairly reasonable names for it. This is not THQ. You’re not gonna have like [inaudible 43:22] in the P. Diddy Kong Racing game.
Jeff:
Or you will.
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
Okay. No, I like it. Yeah, you do have the urban vibe going.
Casey:
I have my finger around the pulse, if you will.
Jeff:
You do have it on the pulse.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Alright, I like that. Okay. So mine’s completely a little different here.
Casey:
Completely a little different. Which one is it? A little different or completely different?
Jeff:
Well, let me tell you and you can tell me.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So we had to, at the house, establish some rule, a rule. And that was… So often, one of us gets on a kick like I’m into Oreo cookies. I’m into this…
Casey:
Yeah. Slurpies would be the one for you, certainly.
Jeff:
Slurpies. Yeah. So what starts to happen is someone is bringing in some goodies into the house…
Casey:
I know the rule you’re talking about.
Jeff:
Right. I have to explain it for everyone else, our listeners.
Casey:
Yes. There was an issue with the amount…
Jeff:
Well, what happened is we all got on the same kick at the same time.
Casey:
Yes.
Jeff:
So any one of us in the house…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Every time we arrived at the house, we bore doughnuts.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
So there were doughnuts. There were so many doughnuts that we got nervous that we would not be able to leave the house to get more doughnuts due to our problem.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
So we established what… You called it the [ Toe-nut-day ].
Casey:
[ Toe-nut-day ].
Jeff:
And that was Tuesday is the only day that you can bring doughnuts into the house.
Casey:
That is not technically what happened.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
The rule I instituted was that junk food…
Jeff:
Junk food and all.
Casey:
Was going to be restricted to Tuesdays.
Jeff:
Okay. Tuesdays.
Casey:
It was not just doughnuts.
Jeff:
But you called…
Casey:
It may have been brought about by a series of increasingly numerous doughnut expeditions…
Jeff:
Right. ‘Cos it’s hard when there’s doughnut there because it’s just like every little doughnut… It’s just a doughnut.
Casey:
Well, and also, the Top Pot, I finally figured out, does make non-shitty doughnuts. ‘Cos I’d only had their shitty doughnuts…
Jeff:
And you found…
Casey:
But it turns out their old-fashioned doughnuts are really awesome even though their new style puffy doughnuts were terrible.
Jeff:
I always bring in Krispy Kremes.
Casey:
You did bring Krispy Kremes, I guess. But I don’t give a fuck about Krispy Kremes, right. You can have as much Krispy Kremes as you want and I would not over eat.
Jeff:
You would not be tempted?
Casey:
Top Pot. The Top Pot doughnuts, old-fashioned Top Pot doughnuts, really fucking good… And I would absolutely eat them every day of the fucking week if it wasn’t for [ Toe-nut-day ].
Jeff:
So it was called [ Toe-nut-day ] and then it was a little gross. And then we called it [ Too-nut-day ]. So on [ Too-nut-day ] this last week, I came over and we were going to go get some Thai food.
Casey:
Right.
Jeff:
At that point I got there, it looked like most of a box of Newman’s had been devoured. So you were a little sugared up. And then we went and had that and you had…
Casey:
I had a Thai iced tea.
Jeff:
You had a Thai iced tea. Then we went to the store and you bought… We got fudge…
Casey:
Fudge, chocolate bar…
Jeff:
Chocolate bar…
Casey:
I bought two little things that were like peppermint squares and peanut butter squares, and I think that was it, though.
Jeff:
Okay, and then by…
Casey:
I did eat most of that.
Jeff:
You ate most of that and…
Casey:
Not so much the fudge but, yeah…
Jeff:
And so, about halfway home, all this kicked in at the same time.
Casey:
Yeah. I started singing a song…
Jeff:
There were songs about a cat. You were feeding the cat…
Casey:
The song was about the fact that you didn’t know where you were going and I did.
Jeff:
Yes. But there was a song about the road…
Casey:
I knew the route home and you didn’t.
Jeff:
There was songs about the cat…
Casey:
Which you didn’t, by the way, ‘cos you didn’t think I was going home the right way but I was.
Jeff:
Yeah. Well, you were so wound up, we could have hooked your ass up to a nuclear plant and you would have more output.
Casey:
Yeah. All this is true.
Jeff:
You were bouncing around.
Casey:
Were are you going with this?
Jeff:
Okay. My game is just [ Toe-nut-day ], the game.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
And it’s a Pacman clone.
Casey:
Okay.
Jeff:
Okay… Only 6 out of 7 levels, there’s no power pills. You just have to run from them. And the 7th level is all power pills. And you are just out of control, wound up, bouncing around, and singing songs about your cat. And probably, the direction you’re taking in the maze, like, you’re going the wrong way. There’s no power pills over here ‘cos you ate them all before. So that was my game is [ Toe-nut-day ]. And I would play [ Toe-nut-day ] every day even though I’m only allowed to on [ Too-nut-day ].
Casey:
The kind of cutesy game where the character sings… I don’t know… ‘Cos LocoRoco, obviously, is that game…
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Did not do very well, I think.
Jeff:
It didn’t.
Casey:
It did not.
Jeff:
No.
Casey:
So you may be in as… Again, as an EA executive…
Jeff:
Oh, you’re going to help me out here? Alright.
Casey:
Well, I see a problem.
Jeff:
Alright.
Casey:
The problem I see is that I don’t know if this game appeals enough to the core audience…
Jeff:
That we’re shooting for?
Casey:
Yes. To sell the kinds of numbers that we want to see.
Jeff:
Alright. Alright.
Casey:
What I am seeing, though, is a lot of food being consumed in the game.
Jeff:
I think I see where you’re going here.
Casey:
I’m seeing a lot of that. So what I’m wondering is how do you feel about some of that food being name-brand food…
Jeff:
I see where you’re going there.
Casey:
For example, have you ever been to a Burger King?
Jeff:
I have been to a Burger King.
Casey:
Do you like any of the items on the Burger King menu for the food in your game?
Jeff:
I see. So what you’re saying is I develop this game. I go in and I pitch it and I say, “Look, he’s eating this in [ Toe-nut-day ].” And they call it the King Day. They change the name…
Casey:
Absolutely. Yeah.
Jeff:
And then they bring it out and he’s just eating mass amounts… Does he get fat? Does the Pacman get…
Casey:
“If you call it the [ Toe-nut-day ], we say, fuck that. It’s called Whopper Tuesdays. And here’s your million Dollars to finish this off. We love it.”
Jeff:
And Whopper Tuesdays, you go there, you get coupons… Alright.
Casey:
Oh, yeah. Whopper Tuesdays would be… Like, we at EA would sign off on that game in a second which is twice in a row, you have brought us a fabulous game — Kool-Aid Man (which is fucking built in EA awesomeness) and [ Too-nut-day ] which has so much potential for in-game ad placement. It’s not even funny.
Jeff:
So [ Too-nut-day ] started as a game about cutting back on the calories. It becomes a game about eating all possible licensed calories.
Casey:
Well, ‘cos here’s the thing, right… I’m Burger King. I’m just putting myself in my clients’ shoes. And by clients, I don’t mean the people who buy this game…
Jeff:
Right, ‘cos they’re not…
Casey:
I don’t give a fuck about them at all.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
Don’t care about them at all. I don’t even know who those people are nor do I need to know.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
When I say clients, I mean Burger King.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
So I’m in Burger King’s shoes. I’ve got these people.
Jeff:
Right. Big red shoes.
Casey:
I’ve got these people who are eating organic foods, doing these things that are not helpful to my bottom line.
Jeff:
This is not a good trend.
Casey:
What is better than treat yourself to a Tuesday filled with the shitty foods that we provide, right? They’re gonna love that shit.
Jeff:
Right.
Casey:
They’re gonna fucking love it.
Jeff:
And they might come back and say…
Casey:
“You’re so hired.”
Jeff:
“You know, [ Too-nut-day ] is awesome but what if every day was [ Too-nut-day ]?”
Casey:
That’s the sequel.
Jeff:
What if we just write…
Casey:
It’s called Whopper Wednesdays… Or use different products, I guess…
Jeff:
Yeah. I know. I just think it’d be like… They’d just say, “You know what, this is perfect except for the fact that you’re only eating junk food on Tuesdays. If you do it every day…”
Casey:
The expansion pack…
Jeff:
Yeah, it’s every day.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Alright, again, you’ve improved it.
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
Alright. That is awesome.
Casey:
I love it.
Jeff:
So where are we? Do we have… Do you have another game or are you gonna push that?
Casey:
I think… I don’t have any other games to pitch this week.
Jeff:
Alright. You’ve got a million games in your head but you’re going to save those babies.
Casey:
I’ve got a lot of old properties that I think I can update with kind of a more hip hop, modern feel to appeal to the… Today’s audience, you know, the real sort of up and coming game audience.
Jeff:
Alright. Well, thanks, everybody.
Casey:
Yeah. I think you deserve… I think people, if they’re actually listening…
Jeff:
At this point…
Casey:
If they listened to the first one and they listened all the way through this one, they deserve something more than just a thank you.
Jeff:
Okay. Well, here’s another question…
Casey:
They deserve, like, monetary gifts.
Jeff:
Right. Did you make sure that I stayed in the left speaker and you stayed in the right? Like…
Casey:
Well, I can certainly make sure that this podcast…
Jeff:
Matches the older one?
Casey:
Matches the older one.
Jeff:
Okay, that’s important ‘cos I’m like, the little devil on your shoulder and Casey’s the angel.
Casey:
I’m the angel?
Jeff:
Would you prefer to be the devil?
Casey:
I don’t think most of the time I sound like the angel.
Jeff:
Okay. Well, I could do… I could be angel. I mean…
Casey:
How about just 2…
Jeff:
2 guys.
Casey:
Guys, neither of which are an angel or devil.
Jeff:
Okay.
Casey:
On your shoulder saying really asinine things in your ears while you’re trying to work.
Jeff:
One urban, one semi-urban…
Casey:
Yeah, exactly.
Jeff:
Filling you in…
Casey:
Yeah.
Jeff:
With the Atlanta scene. Alright. Thanks, everybody.
Casey:
Yeah, take it easy.
Jeff:
And we should have another one next week.
Casey:
Oh, boy. Will we ever.
Jeff:
And Podcast@MollyRocket.com.
Casey:
Yes. If you would like to email… Has anyone emailed? I don’t think anyone emailed. Did someone email?
Jeff:
I think we have an email.
Casey:
I haven’t looked ‘cos I put it in a separate bin so I haven’t gone and looked there.
Jeff:
Alright. I believe we have an email. Thanks, everyone.
Casey:
Alright, take it easy.
Jeff:
Bye.
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casey muratori
the jeff and casey show - season 1 - episode 2
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